Homecoming
I am back.
A thousand pranaams and obeisance at my dearest Swami's lotus feet🌸
My life, every cell, every atom within my body has come alive due to his Grace.
I am finally alive again.
The reader in me is back. The love in me is back. The life in me is back.
A few years ago, I'd hit a dead-end - in every aspect of my life. I didn't know what I wanted to do, how I wanted my future to look like, and I'd lost connection with my dear books too. I have been an avid reader of fictional books since the time I can remember. I would almost always be devouring one book after the other - lost in one fantasy after the other. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't find any more books that interested me. The things I'd liked reading before, they didn't engross me like they did before. I assumed I'd grown out of it. This also coincided with a time in my life where I felt purposeless, aimless, and defeated. But since this blog is about books, I am not going to get into further details about my personal life.
In November 2021, my mother gifted my 'Autobiography Of A Yogi' when I was going through the worst phase of my life. I tried reading a few pages, but gave up in a short while due to the complex language it was written in - I was unable to comprehend it. Also, reading spiritual books was not my thing. I liked philosophy, but spirituality seemed to have an air if mystery around it.
That's when I came across Him.
I'd seen my mom watch His videos, but I didn't think anything of it. He was just another Sadhu that she would listen to.
When my personal life was at its absolute lowest, I begged my mom to show me a way, show me another way of life - not this depressing, over-sentimental, over-sensitive one that I was living. I wanted to be stable and equanimous in every moment of my life - no matter what life threw at me.
My mom shared with me the essence of the Bhagvad Gita - "You are not this body or this mind. You are the Soul.". In my desperation, in my grief, I accepted everything she told me. Things I didn't understand then, but now I do. Now, I'm so grateful to my Sri Hari for putting me through that phase, for breaking me, because it led me to Him.
As I started accumulating knowledge from the Bhagwad Gita, from Sadhguru's talks, I started using Black Lotus. I remember how much I liked His first meditation, and how he would start every meditation with paying His obeisance to the Divine present in every one of us. He'd end the session with a beautiful line which I will write about in further detail some other time. Then He'd pray for the Divine to be with us, to be in our Lives. It was so beautiful.
I ended up watching one of His YouTube discourses through the Black Lotus app. I vividly remember the first video that I'd watched - He'd been sitting in his orange robes amongst the beautiful, green nature, with a cat serenely sitting on His lap, while he stroked the feline. At that moment, all I could think of was, "What a lucky cat!". When I think about that moment now, I wonder what made me feel such for the cat. Why, because what did I have to do with this man clad in ochre robes?
A short while after this incident, I decided to read His autobiography - "If Truth Be Told". I just HAD to read it. I loved the title of the book - it was so poetic. The title was enough to draw me in, and the joy I experienced while reading the book is inexplicable! After all this time, after all those years, I experienced the same joy, the thrill, and the adrenaline rush that I get when I'd read in my childhood. It took a lot of effort for me to pause my reading and go back to the real world, to my job and my duties.
Reading "If Truth Be Told" and finding my lovely Om Swami has been the biggest and the most important turning point of my life. The book and Swami ji have watered my parched, dried soul. He's made me come alive again. He's given me a purpose, a goal.
And what might that be?
Love.
God.
Seva.
I will expound on this in the coming posts :)
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I offer my everything and myself at the lotus feet of my dearest Om Swami.
Lots and lots of love,
R.