Whimsically Being Me

I'm Lyddie, a Christian college student who is a passionate anti-conformist and pro-life activist. I pray that someone will find this account encouraging. I am extremely passionate about helping the middle school age, so I would love it if middle school aged Christians would find this encouraging, though hopefully people of all ages will. I commonly use quotes(even from the secular world) and lyrics from Christian songs that have helped shape me to be the person I am today. ~Romans 12:2~

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

He Made You Beautiful

So, I wrote a song, well it doesn't have a tune yet, because I'm not good at that, but I hope this is encouraging to someone!

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Never mind the words they say

Don't forget the way you're made

They world will tell you you're not good enough

But they're so wrong, so wrong

You were made in the image of the most high God

You were made to glorify Him together

They might all tell you that you're not good enough

But He knows better, He made you beautiful

Oh, He made you beautiful

I know you with that you were different,

But there's a reason that you're you

I know you compare to everyone around,

But He says you're perfect in Him

You were made in the image of the most high God

You were made to glorify Him forever

They might all tell you that you're not good enough

But He knows you better, He made you beautiful

In your weakness, He's made brighter

In your struggle, you can turn to Him

He knows better than all the haters

He calls you beautiful, He calls you beautiful

You were made in the image of the most high God

You were made to glorify Him forever

They might tell you that you're not good enough

But He knows you better, He made you beautiful.

--Lyddie W

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

MOM

Mothers are a much needed, under appreciated support resource.  Perhaps one of the best.  And I've known this, to a degree, my entire life.  But, my mom and I definitely have our disputes.  We have clashing personalities and I think that, as much as I don't want to admit it, is due to the fact that we are so similar.  College has really taught me that I wouldn't be where I am today without my mom.  My mom is the reason for so many of my strengths.  Without her, my dad may've not become a Christian, which in turn means she is a tremendous influence on that realm, she taught me that it's okay to show that I'm upset, she taught me that strength doesn't always mean being strong.  And honestly, when I'm upset, half the time she's the only person who can make me feel better.  We need our moms.  As women, we have a deep attachment to our mothers that we tend to deny, but it's there.  So, I need to work on that.  I need to show my mom how much I love her, not just say a half hearted, "Love you too, mom"  And I think the fact that I'm not at my best right now is really helping me learn that.  So, I know you've been told this 500 times, but you're mom's pretty awesome, show her some love and no matter how annoying she gets, know that she really doesn't mean to be so.  I thank God for giving me such an incredibly momma.

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

Uplifted by Mutual Passion

I'm actively involved in my college's Right to Life club(if you hadn't noticed by now).  I'm passionate about the pro-life cause and it's been such an amazing opportunity to be able to connect with people over this issue and fight against it together. 

Tonight we (the club, that is) held an alternate chapel.  Ryan Bomberger (The Radiance Foundation) spoke about "There is no REVOL*TION WITHOUT U" and it was absolutely incredible. 

Also included was Caitlin Jane, who is a lovely Christian singer and pro-life activist, most well known for her song Unborn.  She's (and Ryan) also an alumni of my college.  After the chapel, I talked to her for about 10-15 minutes about being pro-life on campus and how I've grown from that and our mutual and varying experiences both on campus and in pro-life things and it was such an encouraging conversation.  I've been feeling down lately and having someone tell me that I'm doing good things was really uplifting and I really needed to hear that today.  Also, the president of Right to Life had some really encouraging things to say to me today.  This day has showed me that being mutually passionate about an issue can lead to incredible things, even in your personal life and I'm so thankful

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

I attend Right to Life Club at my college, because if you haven't read my previous post about the matter, I'm passionately pro-life. This video gives great perspective and shows a reason why I'm pro-life.

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

Oh the Lovely Feelings Valentine's Day Brings

It's Valentine's Day, kind of a no brainer, I know.  But there are so many different emotions that can go into a day like today.  And, no, I am not lecturing you, I promise.  So, there's the obvious: I'm happy because I love and am loved.  That's awesome, and generally, I feel that way.  I really do.  But, I have a lot of other feelings going into today as well.  There's the fact that I'm single and all the couples around me kind of bother me with their over abundance of mushy Facebook updates about how their significant other is the best.  I'm not bitter and I'm not desperate, but it can be hard at times.  I'm a person who just really likes to be loved and I have this (extremely selfish and shallow) view that I don't understand how some (yes, I'm aware this is a horrible mindset) really mean, awful girls have boyfriends and I, a generally nice and respectful person, am still single.  So, that can kind of suck sometimes.  In high school it didn't bother me so much.  I mean, freshman year I had a boyfriend and I was getting over a break up sophomore year, but junior and senior year it really didn't get to me at all.  Now in college that's different.  My brother is a year older than me, but two years ahead of me in school.  He's getting married in the next year and a half timeframe, probably closer to the now than the later, then there's me, still single.  He's only a year older than me, that makes me feel just a tad insecure. There's also the fact that this is, I know this sounds pathetic, my first Valentine's Day away from home.  I miss my dad coming home from work with two bouquets of flowers and my mom and I pretending to be surprised that he got us flowers.  I miss the fact that we ALWAYS have two steak dinners that week because of Valentine's Day and my dad's birthday.  And really, I honest to goodness just miss my family.  So as I sit here in my "No Boyfriend No Problem" shirt I'm a little sad.  There's all that and, Valentine's Day makes you think about those you love, right?  Well, I miss my grandmas who passed away in the past year.  Like a lot.  I just want family today and they aren't here and that's hard.  On the bright side, I bought myself a David Tennant shirt that came in today and my one friend's mom got me chocolate.  I'm blessed.  Oh, I'm beyond blessed.  But Valentine's Day is much harder than expected.

[yeahitsjennah]

Constant.

It’s so cool to know God’s love for us is CONSANT! It never changes. So many times we put our only hope in people around us, and they fail us daily. God is our anchor of hope. He still loves us even if we don’t love Him or fail Him everyday. Now that’s love. God is so good. Hebrews 6:19

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

An Extrovert in a World of Introverts

My title probably sounds a bit strange, but it perfectly, and I do mean perfectly, describes my situation.  I'm an extrovert by nature.  I like people and I like them a lot.  I'm as people-person as you can get.  My best friend, on the other hand, is not.  And my other close friends?  Out of the ten people I would consider my close friends, only three of them are extroverts.  Here's the thing, I really like that.  No offense to extroverts, being that I am one, but I find a lot more value in being friends with an introvert than an extrovert.  I honestly can't tell you how thankful I am for my best friend, she's an amazing person and I love her so much, but she doesn't generally like people.  It's a lot harder to find a place on her heart than it is to find a place on mine.  In some ways, I'm just compassionate.  In others, I just really like to be loved.  It's kind of like an addiction to me.  I want people to like me, so I kind of just like them.  Liking people comes easily to me, the thing is, liking me doesn't come easily to people.  I'm the type of person who's completely insane and proud of it, that being said, I'm also really shy.  I know, I know, it makes no sense whatsoever.  A shy extrovert you say?  YES THAT IS WHAT I AM SAYING!  Now that that's out of the way....my lovely introverts don't need human interaction to be energized, I most definitely do.  However, being surrounded by introverts has taught me a few things that I think are very beneficial:

There is value in small groups.  Being surrounded by tons of people leaves little room for individual relationships and it's really not helpful to have 5,000 "friends" that you honestly don't trust that much.

Being an introvert does not mean you don't love your friends.  They do.  Honestly, it's a beautiful thing to have an introvert call you their best friend.  Because to me that says, people tend to drain me, but you're worth it.  And that's really awesome.  Someone thinks I'm worth their time and love. 

Extroverts can revert to introverted tendencies.  I'm becoming much more introverted than I ever have been in the past.  In the past I was like, "People, OOOHHH PEOPLE YAY!" all.the.freaking.time.  Now, I have moments I need to be alone(they're becoming less rare) and if I'm in a big group, I feel like I'm going to go insane.  I like to be in small groups a lot.  I mean, my definition of small group is probably different than an introverts definition of small group, but I just don't like crowds and I like people I can be around and trust.  I trust far fewer people than I did in that past and some people may call that a bad thing, but I think it's a really good thing. 

So, I am becoming a very introverted extrovert and I wouldn't change that.  I like that I'm learning better ways to interact with people.  I also wouldn't change having an introvert best friend for anything.  It makes me feel so much more loved now that I have an introvert using the term best friend than when my best friend was an extrovert.  I feel so much more valued and important.  And, no, I am not saying extroverts make bad friends.  I'm not saying that all extroverts like people too much.  I'm saying that generally speaking it's more valuable to find friendship with an introvert.  And I'm not sure how I've become so close with so many introverts, because they're introverted and I'm shy.  You'd think the extroverts would have been the ones to snatch me out of my bubble, but it wasn't and I'm so thankful for that.

[the-worship-project]

I Will Follow - Chris Tomlin, Jason Ingram + Reuben Morgan (WorshipTogether) [ 2010 ]

From the album “And If Our God Is For Us” by Chris Tomlin

293 / 365

*Click here to view the complete “365 Worship Project!”

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

Stand Firm

I'm a pretty stubborn person.  I've been told stubborn isn't the right word for it, but I think it's a good word.  Some would say persistent, but I'm not persistent about everything because I know how to respect others, but about my own life....oh, I'm very stubborn.

So, my senior year of high school was rough.  I spent half of it fighting with my parents over my college choice.  They, for who knows what reason, hate my college.  Well, they don't anymore, at least I don't think they do...but they did before I moved it.  Literally, the day before I moved in they were pushing another college at me and telling me how it's superior.  But, here I am, at the college of my dreams that's a perfect fit for me. 

So, why on earth am I talking about something that happened my senior year?  Because, it's relevant to the here and now and I think it's relevant to everyone.  But, a disclaimer, do not interpret this as "don't take your parents opinions into account" because as much as it sounds like it, that's not what I'm saying:

What I'm saying is a lot of the time, parents, friends, church leaders, teachers, everyone really spend a lot of time thinking about what they believe is right for you.  And they also try to thrust that upon you.  And honestly, a lot of the time they have no idea what they're talking about.  There's better ways to tell them that than how I stated it, but it's true. 

So, I'm changing my major to youth ministries and I was really nervous to tell my parents about it.  My dad, at least at first, was super supportive and he told me "I can't determine God's call for you, that's up to you to pray about and figure out and I'm here to support you with whatever He calls you to."  That was a completely unexpected response from him, but there it was.  My mom isn't exactly supportive, but for the most part she's going along with it.  My thing is, they keep saying things about my major that are driving me crazy.  My grandparents informed me on Thanksgiving that they think I should be a nurse (I can't handle blood, I've fainted from bloodwork on multiple occasions).  So, my dad decided that he thinks I'll be good at neurology or something like that, because it involves no blood....it still involves science, which I've spent my entire time struggling with, hating, and barely passing and I'm done with it and not going back.  I have a science & technology credit I need to meet and then I'll be done.  Not going back.  Then my mom tried to push me to stay with English, like she kept asking all these questions about why I'm changing.  So, my point is, parents (along with others) think they know what's best for you.  You need to determine God's plan through LOADS of prayer and examining of His word and you need to listen to Him.  I'm not saying to just say God's calling you to something because you want it, but if God's seriously calling you to something and your parents are against it, nowhere in the Bible does it say that you're parents overrule God, because that's blasphemy, my friends.  Stick to your guns and do what you believe is right.  Your parents love you and will hopefully come around with time.  That's what happened with the college choice for me and I'm hoping it will happen for the major too (but probably not for mom.)  Stand firm in what is right, because if God has a calling for you, He knows it's for you, because He's God.  Please listen to Him.

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

I am not a library book...and neither is God.

I wasn't planning on posting about this, but I think I have finally found a way to make it beneficial to others.

People: some leave, some stay, and some treat you like a library book.  And as much as I love the library, a library book is the last thing I want to be treated as. 

Leaving When people leave it hurts, a lot. I've lost multiple friends in the past few years and it really sucks.  It seems like one day they just decide you're not worth it anymore and just leave.  Take comfort in this: they're wrong.  In times like these, we need to sit back, take a deep breath, and be reminded that we are always in the presence of God and even though we don't deserve it, He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, which is pretty awesome since He's the creator of.....EVERYTHING.  Like, think about that for a second, we as Christians have the creator of everything, the seas, the trees, even the bees(I'm sorry, that was incredibly lame) who loves us, cherishes us, and will stick by us.  So, people leaving hurts, but we have someone better.

Staying

Occasionally, we're blessed with those friends who actually stay.  Which is awesome, these are my favorites.  I had multiple people who promised not to leave me, leave me, so those who stay are few and far between and I adore them.  Keep in mind though, even those who don't leave will still hurt you.  Don't let one hurt kill you, and also don't let the staying friend become a higher priority than God; He gifted you with them, He has every right to take them away(which is a hard pill to swallow, I know.)

Library Books.

I hate being treated like a library book, but it seems to happen to me every where I turn.  I make a friend, we get really close and then when they realize they don't need me, or I'm too much work to handle(I'm a sensitive, emotional person, I'm not terribly needy, but I do need someone to be there from time to time when I'm upset) and they just stick me back on the shelf and leave me there until I can benefit them again.  My problem is, I let people do this to me.  Unfortunately, I am very bad at realizing when I'm being treated like a library book until I'm caught in the middle of yet another library book relationship.  Then, I sit back and realize, we treat God like a library book all the time.  We read His word when we feel like it, we pray when we need something from Him.  Or in my case, when things are good, I'm all for walking with God, but when things get bad, I tend to blame Him or just avoid Him rather on calling on Him like I should.  So, don't stick God on a shelf, and don't stick people on a shelf either.  We're worth so much more than a library book and we all deserve to be treated as more than that.

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

*Insert Sappy New Year Title Here*

It's about one in the morning on New Years day, and yes I am making a somewhat sappy, but hopefully useful and encouraging New Years post. 

So, here's the deal: 2013 was probably the toughest year of my entire life.  There were some great moments, but it was definitely a rough year.  I got to an extremely low place in my faith over the summer, despite working at a Bible camp, so it's nice to say that was last year. 

If I were to choose a title for this other than the insert sappy title here, it would be New Year, New Start, or something like that, because IT'S NOT TWENTY THIRTEEN ANYMORE!  I'm really excited about this.  I really need a fresh start.  There are so many things that it satisfying to say are in the previous year.  It's so refreshing.  So, I'm not a resolution person.  I discovered in 2012 that I do not work well with new year's resolutions because that's exactly what they are, it's a new year, I'm going to resolve to do it, and I'll do it as long as the year is new.  Instead, I set goals, often early in the year, but they aren't year goals, they're life goals.  I still usually end up failing, but they last a lot longer.  And now I'm sitting here, thinking about my faith.  I do NOT want to have another "falling out" with God, so I'm going to compile a short list of ways to stay "in check" with God, and this is all on us, because He NEVER leaves.

1. Stay in the Word. I'm horrible at this.  I need to find a way to actually be dedicated to it.  I got a new Bible for Christmas, the pages are still extremely stiff, that needs to change.

2. Pray. How are you supposed to build a relationship without talking to the other part of the relationship?  God is constantly speaking to us, which I've learned so much this past semester.  We need to listen and we need to pray.

3. Fellowship. It's incredibly important to surround yourself with fellow believers.  Recently, my best friend and my relationship has become much deeper because we've brought our faith into it.  And this has come with increased separation.  It's beautiful.  Also, being at a Christian college is great for that.

4. Don't be afraid to be silent. Related to prayer, as I already said, is listening.  In order to listen to God, sometimes you need to be silent and bask in God's glory. Enjoy Him.

5. Be honest with God. He knows your everything anyway, but being honest with Him, even when you're mad at Him, strengthens your faith immensely.  It's incredible. 

So, there's my springing into 2014 advice.  Keep your faith active.  Don't make it a goal for the year, make it a life style.  God is so wonderful and I can't wait to see how He works in my life this year.  He has blessed me so greatly in 2013 despite the constant adversity.  Grace and peace to you all and have a blessed 2014<3

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

Looking Backward

Last night I had this terrible realization: I hate the me of three years ago.  It's not, if I were someone else, I'd hate her or I hate that I was that.  I hate who I was.  Fortunately, I've come a looong way since then and I do not and will not hate who I am right now in December of 2013.  The problem is, I shouldn't hate who I was.  Yes, I should hate some of the decisions I made, but I should never hate who I was.  That being said, I still do. I still look back and want to strangle my previous self and tell that version of me that I was being an idiot.  I still want to go back and tell myself that I was giving up my values for attention.  But, there's no use living in the past, right? That's my problem and so many other people's problem.  We're so wrapped up in the guilt of what has happened, we're screwing ourselves over for growth!  Everyone makes stupid mistakes and it helps form us to who God created us to be.  On a good day, I look back and I don't regret it.  I still think I was stupid, but I don't always regret it.  Because looking back, I now know what my values are.  I now know what lines I have in place and how far is too far.  I now know that if a guy doesn't respect my family, he doesn't respect me and that's a hard pill to swallow.  Regret and knowing you were wrong are two different things.  Right now, I'm regretting it in a couple days, I probably will be fine again.  But remember this: healing of all kinds takes time.  You're not going to just snap your fingers and magically stop regretting who you once were or stop mourning the loss of a loved one or whatever it is.  It's hard.  Let me repeat that: it is so hard. But if you rely on God, you can get through whatever is in front of you. 

And one last thought: I made stupid mistakes.  I really did.  But that person, who cared for no one but herself, was still God's beautiful daughter.  I messed up, but God still loved me.  Don't discredit the grace of God.

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

The Make Up Lie

You know what bothers me? The obsessive usage of make up that occurs in this culture.  And I know what you're thinking, "But I look awful without make up."  or maybe, "Old lady's going all old school!"  But hear me out and, most girls my age are victims of what I like to call the make up lie.  The make up lie is the following: in order to look beautiful, attract males, and/or find happiness, I must wear make up.    Now, let me get one thing straight, I know that those are not your exact thoughts, but it captures the general idea, right?  If you say wrong, I'm sorry, but you are mistaken.  I'm in college, I'm surrounded by people who won't leave their dorm without first applying their daily dose of make up.  It makes me really sad to be honest with you.  So many girls are caught up in the lie that make up makes them better somehow.  Just stop and think about it for a minute.  If you wear make up every day, please stop for a minute and ask yourself why.  I don't mean to sound preachy, but is that really a worthwhile way to spend time?  Now, please do not take this as "make up is a sin."   That's not at all what I'm saying, I'm wearing make up as I write this...actually that's what influenced me to write this.  Let me paint you a picture.  I'm a female college student.  The last time I wore make up was the homecoming dance, which was almost two months ago...before that, the last time I wore make up was in June.  Why did I wear make up these days? They were all significant things in which a lot of people would be seeing me.  And when I think about that, it's kind of shallow isn't it?  What do I have to hide from the couple hundred people who are watching me sing tonight? Or the few hundred other people at the dance who weren't paying attention to my face at all?  Nothing.  I shouldn't anyway.  God made me look the way I look for a reason and the same goes for you.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  You are God's beautiful creation.  That's not something you need to hide.  I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty about wearing make up, but here's what I'm really getting at: my biggest pet peeve ever.  My biggest pet peeve ever, and I was guilty of this for a long time, is when people say "I need to fix my face." Nothing needs fixed. God made you BEAUTIFUL.  Let me say that again, "GOD MADE YOU BEAUTIFUL!"  God creates BEAUTIFUL things, make up does not. 

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

Surround Yourself

So, I was about to post a somewhat snarky description of a situation I'm in right now.  Then I typed the first two sentences and asked myself, "What am I doing?"  The point of this blog is to encourage those around me, not complain about them.  I will only post about said situation if I can find application to help others and do so in a way that is not attacking or offensive.  Because, here's the truth: we all get mistreated from time to time, it's best to take a deep breath and move forward.  So, in short, even as a college student I struggle with what to put online and such, think before you post.  If nothing good can come out of it, or even if it could, but it would honestly just cause unnecessary drama, just keep it off the internet.  Sorry if this was preachy, but I was this " " close to posting something incredibly immature and just wrong.

Though, I do have something more interesting than web-lessons for you today.  Sometimes, you get upset and just need support.  Sometimes, a friend gets upset and you need to be that support.  Needless to say, I was that friend who needed support...and a lot of it.  But, rest assured, I got plenty of support the past two days from my two very best college friends.  Especially the one, I mean, I'm in her room crying and she's telling me I'm strong and doing the right thing and basically everything I needed to hear in said situation, and she meant it.  She also bought me a chocolate muffin this morning, how awesome is that?  It's amazing how God places amazing people in your life.  We all need those friends to pick us up when we get pushed down, and I'm very thankful to say I have at least two in every place I reside on a regular basis.  Thanks, God, I'm pretty (read extremely) blessed.  But seriously though, I looked back on what my friend said to me earlier and was almost in tears.  She's seriously the best.  I don't deserve such an amazing, loyal, and all around loving friend (no matter how many times she tells me I do).

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

October Baby. The beauty. The tears. The pain. And the truth.

October Baby is one of my favorite movies and if you've never seen it, I highly recommend it.  It's so touching.  It's about a girl who discovers that she was adopted because she was the victim of a failed abortion.

So, I am passionately prolife.  I don't mean to be rude or anything and I am NOT AT ALL saying that I'm rude or not compassionate towards those who are contemplating/have gone through with abortion.  But all this to say, I advocate for the repeal of Roe vs. Wade and any other court case for it.  BUT love is the only way to spread this cause.  That's what the cause is all about, isn't it?  The love of a child, the chance for a life.  The mothers need love too.  But that's beside the point of this post, I just wanted to get my feelings about there before moving forward...I also apologize for the over abundance of the word 'but' I didn't know how else to express my thoughts.

Anyways, I watched October Baby for the third time tonight.  The past two times I watched it, I was at home with my parents.  Now, I'm at college.  Ever since it ended, I've been alone in my dorm room doing Biology homework.  The key word being alone.  I cry literally every time I watch it, and I'm not an overly emotional sap when it comes to movies.  Literally, I NEVER  cry for movies, except this one, the first time I saw Lilo & Stitch 2(don't judge), the first time I watched Courageous, and once while watching Bridge to Terebithia.  The thing is, October Baby is personal.  Not only is it about something I am extremely passionate about, but it could have easily been me.  I was a very unhealthy child during my mother's pregnancy.  Unhealthy to the point that doctors crossed lines in attempting to persuade my parents that abortion was a good option for me.  Clearly, I'm a college student, so they didn't go through with it.  I'm so thankful that they didn't.  I'm living a happy life and I'm healthy.  I mean, there's medical issues present that were the cause of the doctors' suggestions, but I'm not terribly sick. 

Another thing, tonight was the first time since my grandmother's death that I watched it.  Not only is it an emotional movie, but there's a grave visit scene and in my grief support group we discussed that today, and I want to go to my grandmother's grave.  The thing is, I have no means to do so.  I'm four and a half hours from home and don't drive.  And when I go, I need to go alone.  I have some unfinished business that I'm going to "do in my support group" but it's not going to be right until it's actually to her, at her gravesite.  I can't ignore the call of my heart to do what I need to do there. 

So, here's the deal.  Go watch October Baby.  Have a box of tissues and a support group.  And love those around you and love yourself.  Be thankful for the life God has given you.  You are beautiful.  You were made for a purpose.  Remember that.  Don't let anyone around you tell you otherwise, no matter who that is.  And if you think it's God, think again.  That's the devil trying to persuade you.  Find someone you can trust.  And don't forget to love your parents.  Be thankful for them no matter how annoying they are.  Be thankful that they love you and want you.  They want you.  I struggle with this, a lot, but then I think to my pre-birth.  My parents clearly want me.  Give your parents a hug for me if you're home, I really wish I could right now.  There's no need to explain, just say "I love you" or "thank you" 

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

The Lord has His ways of planting a seed upon your heart of what He's calling you to do.  The past week, I've been greatly struggling with His evident calling for me this summer.  I've worked at a Bible camp the past three summers and for multiple reasons, I was done with it.  I had no desire to return to camp and commit my entire summer to it.  But God had other plans.  Every time I thought about how I wasn't going to camp, I felt wrong.  I allowed myself to get caught in the lie that it was because I was going to miss it because I have been going to that camp for the past nine summers. 

      But last Thursday, I had a conviction.   In chapel at my college, the message was about struggle and it was really relatable.  God's calling came up, there was a song played(Brokenness Aside-All Sons & Daughters) that talked about Him taking brokenness aside(hence the title) and making it beautiful and I was like "That's talking about me."  

       The next day, I had to write an oral presentation about what I want to be remembered for, which would be compassion.  I used personal examples, a lot of which came from camp.  That day was the day I realized that no matter how much I denied it, I was being called back to service at camp.

     Despite knowing my call, I spent the last week continually struggling with it.  This is most definitely NOT what I want, but I have strayed from God's will before(as we all have) and I don't want to do so with such clear intention.  I have prayed the past week.  I have prayed hard prayers, asking God to firmly clarify my calling and to adjust my attitude toward it. 

     Now yesterday was an intense day.  Yet again there was a chapel in struggle(this one from a different stand point).  And it was very encouraging to me, then I checked my mailbox and there was an anonymous letter with Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always,  I will say it again: rejoice!" along with an encouraging note.  So, as you can see, my day was going wonderfully.  Yet a few hours later, I found myself incurably sad.  On my heart, I felt the urge to tell a counselor from camp what was going on, so I messaged her and her message was such a beautiful encouragement to me and it was exactly what I needed to hear, God really spoke through her.  I also had another person I've been meaning to meet with, she's a few years older than me and goes to the same college and used to be a counselor at camp, so I texted her asking to meet up for dinner, so that's happening soon.  Now, if you're thinking, "Okay? That's a cool story, where's the intensity?"  I promise, it's coming now:  so, we have a worship service on Thursday nights and there were multiple songs from camp playing and I during one I prayed, "Lord, I won't make a definite no an answer to camp tonight, but if You want it to be a definite yes, please play a song I learned at camp," the next three were songs I learned at camp.  I was on my knees praying during one, "Lord, give me the strength and the attitude to do this.  I know what You're saying, please give me the ability to do this."  I stood up and the song I have linked was playing.  The beautiful first words were on the screen as I stood:

I need You to soften my heart, to break me apart.  I need You to open my eyes to see that You're shaping my life. 

I cried.  I cried and told the Lord that I love Him.  Now, all of this to say, I'm still not 100% pleased with the idea, but my attitude got dramatically changed in an hour.  I'm still not saying that this is what I want for my summer, but it's what I'm going to do, because that's what God's telling me.  God has us do hard things(Do Hard Things is also the title of a very good book) and that's how He broadens His kingdom.  Follow the callings of Your heart, I think I may fill out the application this weekend(just yesterday I told a friend I wasn't doing it until after Christmas).  I also talked to my RA and another friend from my floor for quite a while last night about this and other things and it was beautiful.  Just because God and I aren't in complete agreement doesn't change the fact that I am in love with my Savior.  I am so thankful for how He's spoken to me lately.  And I know His speaking is a result of a prayer that I asked for Him to show me His will(I was hoping for more of a long term thing, but God's way is the best way). 

[whimsicallylyddie-blog]

"Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

This quote goes along with a calling straight from the Bible.  In Romans 12:2 we are commanded, "Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be continually transformed, so you can test and approve the will of God-His good, perfect, and pleasing will." This quote and this verse got me through my high school years.  I always knew I was different and I was proud of it too, but obviously in the culture of today I was never widely accepted.  Never allow those around you stomp out what you believe is right.  Follow God with all your heart and be who He calls you to be.  And He does not call us to be like those around us.  I choose to accept this challenge, do you?