⚘

i believe in love and beauty 🇵🇸

[whisperalps]

chat what does it mean when vulnerability makes me violent? chat what does it mean when intimacy activates a deep instinct to invoke pain across what’s meant to be pleasure?

[whisperalps]

how to stop feeling so boring all the time? no glue no borax

[whisperalps]

~~~~~

*glitter princess in pink*

[whisperalps]

i was born a slut

[whisperalps]

i am the experience. my lifetime is the overlapped flicker of highway tunnels and nerve endings. sweet sugar sex and sharp savor of a bitten tongue.

i speak into the echo chamber of age listening to the needle scratch the ridges of my borrowed lessons, bloodied and holy.

i can read the universe from the lining of my palms.

[whisperalps]

peach redbull, half-dead nicotine, and the yart is what’ll mend my soul in the war of labor

[whisperalps]

i wish i spoke more in high school but being as scared as i was taught me the key to all doors is to see people as experiences rather than risks

[dirty]

we supposed to eat fruits and fuck all day

[whisperalps]

its so unfair people get the fun, wild party mania while im stuck with the socially deconstructed, politically induced rage mania…. everything’s systemic and it scratches under my SKIN that it will not be changed

[whisperalps]

don’t ask me if I believe in god, ask me if I agree with the dude and the answer becomes clearer. Belief is immoral when the god to worship only watches through miracles. Found car keys equal to a starved slave. A lucky $20 bill to the child pleading under suffocating rubble. What makes prayer worthy then? I cannot pray to a god who punishes those for the actions he has planted within them nor a god who points blame to a devil he himself allows to reign free across the rat race that is our Earth. Call me childish for believing what isn’t humane is not for me. Call me prideful for refusing to place my bets to a god that cannot be explained but demands to be heard. A god who disconnects himself so much further that all he rations are left in the hands of men made shameless and rich in His excuse. God gives them money and children to feed on yet god remains pure from the stains we’re left to clean?

[whisperalps]

how can i be expected to be responsible over something I don’t have any control over?

I do all the right things and I keep track of the days and the signs but what’s the point in knowing the patterns when there’s nothing to stop it. I’m always going to be too much or nothing at all and every time I grow more desperate to keep the good parts going, the harder I hit the deepening rock bottom. It’s an endless, constant grief over the good that keeps coming back but never stays.

I’m so beyond exhausted of myself.

[whisperalps]

what is left to do when there’s nothing to say; sing

[whisperalps]

i have no discipline and i do not care to change that

[whisperalps]

oldest daughter responsibilities with the middle child recognition

[whisperalps]

no, actually I don’t have any interest in bettering the worst of my habits because yes, I do intend to ruin my life so I never have to live it

[whisperalps]

don’t call yourself sadistic if you don’t enjoy the bite of hot oil or the indents left from a hair tie bound too tight on your wrist. leave it to the real bitches.

[whisperalps]

I engage in the simplicity of sex, drugs, and money so I don’t have to feel how deeply alien I am to my core desires.

I do not know what I am chasing

It is easier to trade virginity for presence

~