Candy Bars and Milkshakes

Whitney Foster- Ohio-based freelance writer and artist

[fucklife101]

I’m so fucking tired. I can’t do this anymore.

[mul-pi]

I feel so empty. It's like I'm nothing unless I love someone, unless I'm with them, unless they love me back.

[crushedcoffeeberries]

[hotkniferuwu]

[l0nd0n-3xists]

I don’t feel close to anybody. I hate people sometimes and that shows cause I cant keep friendships at all. I’m a terrible person lol

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[sa-dnesss]

“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everyone is doing so many things with their lives. I am just here. Frozen. I have been a ghost for years. I wonder if that is all I will ever be.”

—

[becherdireinen]

When people think you’re getting better but you’re just getting better at hiding it.

[whitneyallyn]

[whitneyallyn]

Ineffable-Too great or extreme to be described in words #writersofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #colouredpencil #coloredpencildrawing #coloredpencil #artlover

[whitneyallyn]

An eye study. My first attempt at a person. There’s a lot I’m not happy with but practice makes perfect I guess. #oilpainting #art #artistsoninstagram #artlover

[whitneyallyn]

Casual Luxury by foster-whitney-a featuring cotton t shirts

Balenciaga cotton t shirt, $300 / Etro maxi skirt / Rochas black shoes, $580 / Clare V beaded purse / Foundrae initial jewelry

[whitneyallyn]

#moonlight #moonpainting #moonlily #oilpainting inspired by a Flickr photo by Randall Epp.

[whitneyallyn]

Bought myself some flowers. I’ll try to do it every week, they really help brighten a room #freshflowers #loveyourself

[whitneyallyn]

Finger painted oil 🌕 moon #oilpainting #fullmoon #fullmoonpainting #fingerpainting

[whitneyallyn]

Plaid Shirt Interview Outfit by foster-whitney-a featuring red handbags

W118 by Walter Baker red blouse, $105 / Veronica Beard wide leg pants / Pointed toe flat / Marni red handbag, $1,475 / Shaun Leane red jewellery, $430 / Gucci sunglasses

[whitneyallyn]

Finger painted oil painting of koi #oilpainting #oilpaint #seascapes #fingerpainting #koipainting #betafishpainting