I hate that we've all changed. We've all grown apart, like deep down I knew we would. Yes, we will always be friends, or at the very least have fond memories, but we've drifted. You can't deny it, you can't say that i'm being pessimistic. The most you could say is that we've only "grown in different ways, but we still love each other." I guess I'd agree...
You've gone away to college. Your freshman year has just begun and you've changed. I don't know if I could say you've changed for the better, I can only say I expected it in every way. Expecting it didn't make the realization any easier when it hit full force like a train running through me. You've become someone I never thought you would. You lost the sweet straight and narrow compass that you once were. You use to be the person that was "the good one". Your friends were the "typical" ones, but you were always good. And you still love me, and I still love you... that's why the train slices through every inch of me and instead of putting me out of my misery I remain, being pulled along the tracks continuously beaten. Will this love be? Changing times brings changing emotions. I told you, maybe it wont be fate to bring us together, because fate tore us apart.
You've gone away to college too. You haven't changed for the worse, you've grown. You've become the flower we all saw blossoming. I'm so proud and happy for you. However, I can't shake those horrible feelings of wishing you had to come home. I know life is great and it's easier there than here, because of everything you'd have to deal with here... but.... I miss you. You're the sensible one, you're my rock when everyone else is only the raft to hang out to in order to stay above the surface. I love them, but they don't keep me safe and sound like you can. They are floating along with me, because you've always been the unbreakable foundation. I hope it all goes exactly the way you want it, but come home sooner than later... I can't keep pretending like I can do this without you.
You've changed. I always wonder if its for the better or worse, but I don't think it's either. You've become this amazing person with this amazing life and amazing goals. But i never see you... We love each other and always will but... we don't make time for each other. I'm guilt, put me on trail and I wouldn't be found innocent or my transgressions. I haven't made time for you, but it's just hard. I think of the times all of us were together. A few came and went, some stuck around, but it's always been us. We've always had our connection... Until life started to change. We still have a connection that will last beyond our lifetimes but do we? We do. It's just hidden under the leaves of the seasons that have passed without us being there to pick them away.
I've changed. I'm not a sturdy statue, i'm a volcano awaiting eruption. I am here then there then back and gone again. I can't keep my mind in the same place for longer than the time it takes to gasp for air. I'm off running, wildly chasing the ideas that flow. They're not enlightened ideas. They're feelings, thoughts, aspirations, goals, plots, revenge, peace, and so much more. One minute I'm content the next i'm horribly depressed. But why? I'm in control, am i not? I can be whoever, do whatever, go wherever, but i'm stopped. I'm stopped by that nagging voice, my voice, saying "what if you fail", "what if you're not good enough", "what if you make the wrong decision and can't undo it?"
So i stop and remain unsure and the closer i get to sure, the sooner i come to change thus i return to unsure. Change was never my strong point.
