Hey

As my name may indicate, I'm not very creative. Soooo I don't really know what to put here. 27. PNW. Pansexual. She/They(maybe? kinda trying to figure that out still)

[hjartasalt]

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

[hjartasalt]

Chat where did I go wrong

[nuka-rockit]

the reviews are in

[mina-ahavi]

[arourias]

Sorry for repost but this is an important addition… the above comment said 500 yen is 5 bucks

[imsopopfly]

It’s five bucks but also paper money in Japan starts at 1000 yen, or ten bucks. 500 yen is a coin, about the size of a quarter. So not only is it a comically small amount, he is in fact asking for literal pocket change.

[tchaikovskaya]

[chaoticintellectual]

[thelilnan]

they look... Heightened

[imustbesogay]

I honestly just want to disappear...

[nateconnolly]

Good Experience: My creative writing professor, one of the kindest, most open-minded arts teachers in any media that I have ever had, gave us an entire thirty minutes to just bring up stupid writing advice and complain about it.

Bad Experience: One of my classmates brought up how people always tell her to delete the word "very," and then she asked us how we felt about "very," and I completely forgot that I was a real boy in the real world and not on Tumbler dot Com, so I answered, "I love her. She's my girlfriend." And my professor was like "Did you just say the word 'very' is your girlfriend?????" and I had to just nod silently and reckon with the permanent damage this website has done to my brain.

[faggotrevenge]

gerard way- rocksound interview (date unknown)||eminem- just lose it (2004)

[whathuhwhat111111]

cyndago- blonde boyz (2015)

[starpineninja]

[bees-with-swords]

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

[eldritchjackalope]

[vira-with-no-v]

A sweet little au-crossover with jurassic park, in which Arin works as a park ranger and Danny is a palaeontologist (and also a veterinarian specialising in dinosaurs) 🦕

[c3rvida3]

My friend is trying to name herself, and she's like, "Oh, what's that name that's like marmalade, but it's a name?" and I know she means Adelaide, but I think I can talk her into naming herself Marmalade if I play my cards right here.

[c3rvida3]

Not in a hateful, cruel way, but because my name is Newt, and I think "Newt & Marmalade" sounds like a detective agency that solves mysteries for tiny garden critters.

[anneemay]

Hmmm...

[catboycrimsonrain]

[beaft]

google help me

[beaft]

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

[beaft]

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

[beaft]

this too is a kingism

[beaft]

there are a lot of unnecessary nipples and balls in this book, but i didn't include them because they felt like low-hanging fruit. though i am quite fond of this paragraph, which implies that women's nipples get hard when they commit crimes:

[beaft]

@autisticmight i indulged in a Sensible Chuckle

[corrucyst]

[blaquesails]

some replies:

[draumboosky]

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

[draumboosky]

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

[draumboosky]

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

[draumboosky]

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

[draumboosky]

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

[draumboosky]

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

[draumboosky]

She fucking CUMS

[draumboosky]

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

[deicide4122]

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

[draumboosky]

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

[afroclusterfunk]

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

[kragehund-est]

the sheer number of meme formats that are just *random dig at women to establish joke structure* *joke that could've stood up fine on its own*

[kragehund-est]

girls sleepovers: omg do you think brad likes me?

boys sleepovers: *people doing some random meme shit*

~

her: i bet he's thinking about other women rn

him: *r/showerthoughts post*

~

girls with a time machine: i'm your granddaughter

boys with time machine: *normal fucking time travel joke*

~

girl dinner: snacks or whatever

boy dinner: *picture that would've been funny on it's own*

~

her: he's probably out cheating right now

him: *doing some silly funny activity that didn't need a random dig about women*

[kragehund-est]

[mortalityplays]

"how do you just know this" is a question I get asked a lot, because I tend to be someone who can contribute unusual facts or insight on whatever topic a casual conversation turns to, and I never know how to answer because "I pay attention" sounds rude and isn't super actionable. but that is really it, I just take an active interest when I encounter something curious or unusual.

like recently one of my friends linked me a funny paragraph from a very badly written erotic novel. it was so bad that I thought "I wonder if this is real", so we looked up the book it was from and learned it was a vintage horny housewife type story by someone who wrote a lot of shitty cheap porn back in the 80s, all of which now seems to be completely out of print.

in the course of googling the author, I discovered that one of their works had been cited in a 2004 court case over a prisoner's right to keep erotic novels in his personal library after the prison confiscated them. a bit more googling turned up the case details in a legal database. the guy had received the books by mail and kept them, among others, in his cell. the prison seized them, citing a policy against prisoners having pornography. his lawyers argued that 1. erotic novels are distinct from pornography because they have artistic and expressive content beyond the depiction of sex acts, and 2. since he received them by mail they are therefore protected under his constitutional right to freely access non-disruptive information from outside the prison. I don't know if he got his books back, but he won his case.

then we googled the defendant and found out he was in prison for helping a woman to drug and murder his boss (who she lived with), mutilate the body with acid and dump him in a ravine.

anyway my point is, take an interest. that's how you learn weird stuff.

[valtsv]

yes yes acts of violence often evoke eroticism and stabbing someone is potent penetration imagery but sometimes when i kill someone it's just because i want them to die

[valtsv]

honestly it's so hard to dispose of people you genuinely despise these days. can't fight them, that's too horny. can't impale them on your blade, that's way too horny. guns? don't make me laugh. killing them with your bare hands? having gay sex would be less gay. really anything that draws blood is off the table. can't hit them with your car because that's a sex thing too. tying them to train tracks - rope, bondage, nope, that's out. tossing them off a cliff requires skin-to-skin contact. poisoning them is kind of like an indirect kiss if you think about it. and arranging an assassination is too obsessive it's like having a crush.

[fuck-customers]

Fuck Fart⭐️Drivers. I get it, a lot of you are desperate. Maybe you’re new to the state or country, fresh outta jail, fresh out of a shittier job. But fuck you by association anyway. Because what you are is a scab. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true. That’s not what I hate you for, though. It’s the fact that so many of you ALSO seem to feel entitled to parking spaces right up by the building so you can sit and wait for THIRTY GODDAMN MINUTES to go start picking your order and want to argue with me when I politely ask you to move. “This is the first time anyone’s ever said anything to me” IT IS A NEW ERA, MOTHERFUCKER. I ran this joint for TWO YEARS before the pandemic and swapped duties a few times, and due to policy changes (read: we are actually following policies now) I am delighted to run around the backroom and outside occasionally like a city-dwelling border collie on its off-leash run at the local dog park once more. I am herding you, sheepshit. Move it.

Posted by admin Rodney.