SO WHAT!
I felt it is the world ends if i did not sign with the gym, i wanted to run from my self, i could not face my passion, love, dreams and desires. all i wanted at that moment is silence the screaming voce “ pleas look to your dreams, your creativity is no longer bare hiding in the shadow, embrace them, they are the next right step” But I insist to continue, I told my self” I want to build and know how to deal my body, being fit is a dream I want to pursue “ well, i support being healthy and improve my skill and awareness, however I have the ability to do it with out bing under a contract with company for 3 years. All that did not matter, what i wanted so bad is to be fit and show off at the PNU gym, I wanted their validation, i thought of them all the time, and i was not in a healthy situation to build my life based on mindset that carving wrong attention. My mother was opposed my decision, i got angry, why she is against my well?? i like the environment, i want to be safe and have cash even if it’s little amount. she side “ I did not like terms in the contract, I need you Bandri, we might visit Ali in AL Jubail and i want you to be with me, want to go to the gym, i really want to learn swimming” she said a lot of things, I screamed, cried, Told my friend (Maram+Munirah). I was insecure, I thought of who i girls in gym look at me if i do not have job. I tried all the possible ways to persuade my mother but she was against my Opinion. There was a faint voce inside me saying, you wanted this Drama, she is correct, you are doing something in rush. “ After 6 months reapply for the job again if you want, but not know” my mother said. I was Depressed and sad and my hart hurts badly, i never felt this amount of sadness in my hard before, and this is made it worse. At one night i looked up my old Instagram, i found few Saudi Magazines and i sent emails to one of them saying ” do you accept Internship” they responded next day, “please tell us what area of interest you want to work in” i was so happy, i realized/remembered that i always dream of being in a magazine in my childhood/teenage, i loved magazine and i will. I imagined my self working in this industry and documenting Saudi life/phases, i felt i am in the top of world. Arts is my passion, what i want to do until i die is Art, discovering, collecting, making canvas is all i look it for my whole life. I told my self it is the right time, i made new CV ND NEW BLOG and worked a whole day then i send it the nest day, i waited for one week but there is not responded yet. it is ok, i am happy that i figured out my real intention, maybe what i am doing is the right and maybe is wrong but i am happy i am making the decision, i want to be responsible of any decision i take. I want to shape my life is i see, i want to take validation from me not from the community.