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cyborgsmanifesto

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

4velitta4

I feel like this could be useful in my future

astrologypixies-deactivated2016

REBLOG THIS. I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT THIS GUIDES ARE, BOOST THIS SHIT

getupoffyourcassbutt

If I don’t reblog this one of these things is definitely going to happen to me

thatdiva

dynastylnoire

Expose them

ordinarytalk

*yells incoherently about the founding principles of Christianity vs the evangelical/prosperity gospel/right-wing view of Christianity for a few hours*

noirandchocolate

Matthew 6:24: “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Matthew 19:20-23: Jesus said to [the rich young man], “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Capitalist “Christians” Today: I have stuff so Jesus must have blessed me! I’m going to Heaven for sure! By the way fuck the poor, Jesus must not like them or they’d have stuff too, it’s their own fault they’re suffering.

Jesus: I don’t remember saying it was Opposite Day when I stated those teachings, but,

theechrysalisamidst

lol

did-you-know

In Finland, speeding tickets are calculated based on your income - causing some Finnish millionaires to pay fines of over $100,000. Source

redbloodedamerica

This is what “equality” looks like in that liberal fairy tale land of Finland. They punish you proportionately to how successful you are. Sounds really “fair.”

tsukishima-tadashi

Except… it is fair? Because it’s proportionate. I don’t get what’s difficult about that. An impoverished person paying $400 dollar fine isn’t the same as a millionaire paying the same amount. For the poor person, $400 dollars could mean starving. Would you really claim it would have the same consequence for a rich man? Would it even be noticeable to him, while the absence of food in their stomach would be glaring to a poorer man? Would it be fair for a man to starve for the same crime as a man that would be having a three course meal?

By taking income into account, it allows the impoverished able to still survive while paying any fines they may incur. And, ultimately, while $100,000 dollars would be noticeable to a millionaire, they would still get by. And, assuming the law is properly implemented, they would be paying the same equivalent of their yearly income that a poorer person would. That’s what makes it fair. They would be impacted the same way - but you are looking at the amount rather than the equation.

Also, it’s important to make sure that even the rich would pause at the cost of a fine. They need to fear the law just as a poor man does.

reproductivejusticeandliberty

Oh no… rich people facing fines that might actually make them consider not doing illegal things because the punishments might actually hurt them… how unfair… -V

lewmzi

Finnish person here. Our speeding ticket system owns and only people who bitch about them are people who wanna break the laws - the loudest whiners are the rich people who think they can just pay their way out of trouble and that’s why we have laws like that.

thespectacularspider-girl

400 dollar ticket.

Person making 10 dollars an hour: “Fuck, I better slow down”

Millionaire driving a Jaguar: “LOL 400 DOLLARS, FUCK THAT, NYOOM”

Compared to a proportional ticket.

Person making 10 dollars an hour and must pay 400 dollar ticket: “Fuck, I better slow down.”

Millionaire who must pay 100,000 dollar ticket: “Fuck, I better slow down.”

Our first attempt for Willow to have a DIY’d onesie instead of a cone of shame during her bladder stone removal surgery recovery. If you need a laugh, just look at her poor fate accepted face. Attempt Twosie will happen tonight with a size up. Apparently size 0 to 3 months will not fit a cobby 13 lb cat. Who knew? And if you want to read the whole story of how she got like that, here’s our gofundme: https://www.gofundme.com/willows-bladder-stone-surgery Even a share would be much appreciated :)

punnyplants

How to make succulent babies!

Step 1: Pick leaves Gently twist the leaf near the base, it should snap off the plant cleanly. Good cuttings will be slightly rounded at the ends, and have no ‘open’ wound:

Bad cuttings will not grow, you need to make sure the whole leaf comes off in one go. Bad leaves are jagged, torn, or cut:

Step 2: Lay all cuttings inside on a piece of cloth. I usually put a piece of old scrap material down on my desk and lie all the leaves out in rows. I try not to pile up the leaves, as this tends to promote rot. Do not water at all. AKA no misting the leaves, no watering the leaves, nothing. Everything the baby succulent needs to grow is stored in the mother leaf, watering may rot the leaf before the new plant is big enough to survive on its own! Make sure the leaves aren’t in direct sun, as they will wither before they form new plants. Filtered light from a window is strong enough!

Step 3: Waiting After about 4 weeks you will start to see the first signs of life. The leaf may send out roots first, it may start to grow with no roots. Both are okay!

Step 4: Planting (Start watering once a week at this stage) After 6-8 weeks the baby succulents will be big enough to plant outside! I do this by placing the leaves on top of loose, sandy soil that has not been compacted. I do not bother burying the leaves, as it tends to do more harm than good (you may snap roots/damage new shoots in the process):

I place all the plants together, they don’t really seem to mind! These is how they look after about 10 weeks:

When the plants are big enough, the mother leaf will shrivel up and start to die off:

TADA! You’ve created baby succulents :)

tiefighter

@latenightowl @emilykcomicsmith

haru-desune

This…. is not what I expected when I read “succulent babies”

nowyoukno

fangirling-so-hard-rn

Crows are scary They

use tools

Can be taught to speak (like parrots)

Have huge brains for birds

like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee

They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things

they are scary smart at solving puzzles

some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies

they can remember faces

SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT. They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows. Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag. But the nice guys with masks they left alone. THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight. THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.

They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.

Guys I’m really scared of crows now. (q)

doctormemelordmd

Yeah but have you seen this

stultiloquentia

A colleague of my dad’s lives next to a lake, and looked out the window one morning to see a duck trapped in the ice. A crow swooped down. “Oh hell,” she thought, expecting carnage, because crows are opportunists. But the crow chipped at the ice with its beak until the duck was free.

reallymisscoffee

I love crows so damn much. When I was fifteen, I hit a pretty serious bout of depression, to the point I was in my room for months. Well, a family of crows made a nest in a tree outside my window. There were two parents and two chicks. One chick was healthy and strong. One was weak, and had a caw like something being strained. It sounded more like a rooster crowing and so my parents jokingly named him ‘Buck’.Well… months passed and Buck’s sibling was taught to fly. His parents focused on the sibling because the sibling was strong. The father stayed behind to try and teach Buck, but I saw him try to fly, fail, and crash to the floor. His father helped him back up into the tree.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him.

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree.

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.

Cut to ten years later? We have a family of crows who all have a very distinct caw and they come here and spend every spring, summer, and fall on our property. Buck still greets me every spring.

Idk of this counts but a few crows saved me from a magpie swooping attack once ,they’re bros who can tell when magpies are being unreasonable and need to chill

avianawareness

Don’t forget the Russian Crow SLEDDING DOWN A ROOF not once, but twice.

sweet-murder-slime

Those two crows look like they are asking their dad for some money

naturalpalettes

Personal natural jacuzzi by Gabe Donohoe

thisclockworkheart

Because why not? ;-)

Source

swood-dude

I don’t think this counts as dancing. Or even skipping really. It’s more of an exagerated waddle

thisclockworkheart

So. Let me tell you about the day I took this video. It was the 1 year anniversary of my open heart surgery. It’s about a year old, and I’d say it’s pretty safe to say I’ve improved since then. In case you don’t agree, let’s take a look at some more at my exaggerated waddling.

Waddle.

Waddle waddle.

*rolls across the floor*

Clearly I am immobilized by my own mass.

Oh wait… that’s not it, is it? It sort of seems like the opposite. Almost as though the ability to dance is based on strength, effort and passion and not on being skinny. Strange concept I know, let’s see if you can wrap your tiny little mind around it.

yayamartin

not to mention she wasnt waddling at all.. That was clearly a jete, chasse, and assemble.. not waddling. ballet…

kuklarusskaya-deactivated202003

Yo. Professional ballerina speaking here.

Clearly she is performing a saute arabesque, chasse, step-step, assemble devant with arms in fifth.

And as a teacher too, I can’t find much technically wrong with it at all.

Which means not only is she a gifted dancer, she has a wonderful technical foundation that she is executing properly and with lovely mannerism.

Being a ballerina isn’t about how much you weigh. Give me this girl ANY day for a student or dancer to work with. Clearly she has the knowledge and the passion, which means she will be a joy to work with.

Also, for those of you criticizing, you clearly have NO idea how difficult it is to execute a develope ecarte derriere the way she is at the barre in one of her later photos. This takes YEARS of dedicated training, as well as extensive natural facility, such as turnout, which she clearly demonstrates here.

So maybe before you peons thinking you’re masters of ballet judge dancers based on weight, you should actually learn about ballet and technique. Because if you had, you’d recognize that this girl clearly has technique—unlike your basic asses.

wickedmila

I think that mic got dropped in the Grand Canyon.