monsters ;

Something like that, yes.

It's a tall order, but I'm sure next year will be better. You just make it your own, I guess.

#riva

new year's eve • bird and bee

"I’ve told you that you make me nervous, right? But in a good way. I just get kinda dumb when I’m nervous," she said, reaching up with her free hand and tucking her hair behind her ear. She did, she really did - at least, she thought so. When she was nervous, her hands shook and she couldn’t really think straight. Except, right now, it was more of the latter than anything, since she’d gotten past the hand shaking part of all this. All that was really left was that she wasn’t thinking too straight all the time, especially because her brain was kind of focused on him, and how nice his hand fit in hers, and the way she could feel warmth coming off him in waves. It was damn near addicting. and she knew that was probably not very good, but better addicted to a pretty boy than something else, right?

When he leaned his head on her, she smiled to herself and gave his hand a soft squeeze. She liked having him close, it made her feel good. And she liked holding his hand, too.

"It's okay, you make me really nervous, too. I mean, obviously, more nervous than what I usually am. I mean, you make me... nervous." God, he couldn't do words. Rather, he couldn't speak words. They tumbled around his tongue all over the place, which wasn't very appreciated. Surely God had a sense of humor, because here he was, struggling to get words out and no help from the Big Old Man. Not that the guy had paid much attention to him these past few months, or maybe even years. "You know what I mean," he half-laughed, squeezing her hand. There's just something about her. He hoped he could get over all of this soon, so that maybe they could be more comfortable around each other.

He squeezed her hand back, smiling a bit at her. He stayed there mostly because she was warm, and because he liked being near her. And because hell, even if he was socially awkward, it's not like she cared at this rate. If not, she would have already left.

new year's eve • bird and bee

"Thank you," she mumbled softly, still smiling, "but…I said that already, didn’t I?" She just didn’t know what else she could possibly say, because honestly, her first instinct was to bury her face in her hands and hide, like an ostrich or something. But she knew she wasn’t supposed to do that, especially because she didn’t allow him to. It was just - it was so weird to be called pretty, it made her all nervous and turn into a tomato. But she kinda liked it, the whole thing about him finding her pretty. It didn’t exactly make her feel prettier or whatever, and she didn’t think it was supposed to. But the compliment was nice, and appreciated, and she wanted him to keep thinking she was pretty, even if sometimes, she wasn’t, or didn’t feel like she was. Which was definitely weird, for her, but she wasn’t entirely sure she minded.

She started tracing patterns on the back of his hand with her fingertip, drawing things that didn’t exist, or tracing his veins, anything she wanted, anything that didn’t involve having to let go of his hand. More than anything, she didn’t want to let go of his hand.

"It's okay," he said, because he was used to doing that, anyway. He knew that being embarrassed led people to ust talk, much like him. Besides, he didn't mind it anyway. If she blushed, it made him feel a little bit more comfortable around her. Mostly because he knew that she was into this as much as he was, and that there was no reason to think that all this would flip. Of course, there was still space for that. And he really wanted her to stay over, so maybe that would be the point where everything would be ruined. If she did stay, he knew that he wasn't going to sleep, and therefore she probably wasn't either, even if she wanted to. That or he'd be stuck as the creepy guy who just stares at the girl while she sleeps. He honestly did not want to be that weird guy, but maybe he'd end up that way anyway.

He feels goosebumps as she traces patterns on his hand. He strangely likes the feeling, and he really didn't want her to let go. He leaned in closer to watch her do it. He didn't even notice that he rested his head on her.

It could have used a bit more pizzazz, but I’m at school instead of home. So I shouldn’t have expected much.

Like fireworks and such? I mean, I guess you're right. There's not really much you could do at a school.

#riva

new year's eve • bird and bee

She blushed, smiling bashfully. “Oh…thank you,” she said softly, looking down to try and hide her blush. It was just - she wasn’t often called pretty, and to hear him say it, to know he found her pretty…she didn’t know what it was, but it made the butterflies act up a thousand times more than they already were. It drove her absolutely crazy, the fluttering in her stomach. At least she liked it, right? Well, at least a little bit. The thing was, she just didn’t know what to do about it, about him. “You’re sweet, little bird,” she told him, smiling and leaning over just so to kiss his cheek. Affection. She could do that. He was cute, and sweet, and she could be those things, too. He made her want to be. What amazed her was, she was sure he didn’t even know he did that to her.

When he took her hand, she smiled a little wider, and laced their fingers together. His hands were bigger than hers, and it kind of amazed her a little bit, but their palms weren’t as sweaty as they used to be - at least, hers weren’t, and that was a good sign. She wondered if he wanted her to stay.

"It's the truth," he said, shrugging. It was, though. He tried not to acknowledge she was blushing, because it only made him turn redder. He hadn't meant to embarrass her, but he did say the truth. And when she kissed his cheek, they burned up even brighter. He couldn't help it, really. He covered his face again, but immediately set his hands back down when he noticed he was doing it. Might as well break the habit while he was ahead, he was probably going to do a lot more blushing the next few days. Or weeks. Or however long this was going to last. He had no idea. But he didn't care how long it did, because goodness, at least she was there, right? Usually he just stuck under the radar, but he didn't mind being noticed by her so much.

He really wanted her to stay. He wished she was okay with that. He didn't want to outright ask her, of course, but he guessed he could at least show her he was interested. In a sense, maybe, if he didn't let go of her hand she would stay. Right?

new year's eve • bird and bee

"Yeah," she said, nodding softly, almost a little bit embarrassed. "Is it really so unbelievable?" She couldn’t see how it was. She wasn’t exactly the girl that guys fought over. Which was fine by her, to be honest; so she was a little bit intimidating sometimes, a little standoffish? That was who she was, and if it made her a little bit hard to crush on, she could live with it. Besides, he liked her, and that had to mean she was likable, right? Especially considering he was so sweet, and she wasn’t so very often. But with him, there was something different; with him, it was hard for her to not smile and feel happy. Admittedly, she liked it, even if it did make her nervous. Hell, he made her nervous, entirely. It was so new, to be made nervous by such a shy, sweet little bird. But maybe it was because she was starting to trust him.

She could probably stay like this for a while, she thought. Just sitting with him, getting to see his smile. Maybe, even, she could fall asleep here, with him, as optimistic a thought as that was. Mostly, she just wanted to be around him, because he made her feel good. And she wasn’t in the business of denying herself the simple pleasure in being happy.

"That you've only been kissed once? Well, I think so." He shrugged, not really sure what else to say about it. Because at least to him, she seemed way out of his league. She looked all intimidating and pretty and just ended up being sweet. It was surprising, but at the same time, he still felt like she was way above him. To be honest, he had self esteem issues, that much was obvious, but still anyone could see she was above him, right? Not that he didn't appreciate the kissing and the attention. Not that he didn't like it when she looked at him like that. But it still made him feel... weird. Not only with butterflies and all, but just in general. "I mean, you're pretty." He blushed again, not sure what else to say about it.

He inched a little closer and took her hand, trying to ignore how nervous he was feeling again. He liked to be around her, and he really didn't want her to leave. Of course he wasn't going to tell her that. Besides, it would be better if she stayed because she wanted to, not because he asked her to. Would it look bad for a guy to ask that? Probably.

new year's eve • bird and bee

"It’s fine," she said, shrugging, because really, it was. "I’d only ever been kissed by one other person, ever, so I mean," she shrugged again, brushing her hair back from her eyes. It wasn’t a big deal, it really wasn’t. Besides, maybe it was weird, but she kind of liked that she was his first kiss. It was probably weird. "Okay, good…I did, too," she said, nodding, and she felt kind of awkward, but it was alright, she didn’t really…care, much. They were both a little bit awkward, a little bit unsure, but it was just a part of them, and their relationship, so she didn’t really mind it at all. He was cute, anyway, awkward and all, and it just made her want to hold his hand and cuddle into him and kiss him some more…all of which were things she secretly kind of planned on doing, anyway…in time, of course.

Her eyes must’ve been shining, she was sure of it. His eyes were, and it was one of the most amazing things she’d ever seen before, brighter than any light. And she smiled at him, because she couldn’t not smile at him. He made her warm and happy, and he deserved to be smiled at.

"Really?" he didn't want to come out like that, like it was crazy unbelievable, but it was. To him, at least. She just seemed like that type of girl that guys would fight over, right? Maybe that's why it felt to him like he shouldn't be around her, and why he was so confused as to why she took any sort of interest in him. But then again, as insecure as he was, and as much as the back of his mind told him this might be a trick, he knew he was being paranoid. He wanted to be trusting for once. There was something in her he knew he could trust not to pull the rug or flip the tables or embarrass him in some way. Well, he could be embarrassed easily anyway, without her even trying.

He liked what her eyes were doing. It was like one of her little lights got caught in her eyes, and he liked it. He could stare at it all day, to be honest. It made her look even more beautiful, specially when she smiled. And goodness, he shouldn't be thinking about anyone this way right now, right?

new year's eve • bird and bee

She bit her lip, eyebrow raised. “That was your first kiss? I…wow. I find that kind of hard to believe,” she mumbled, sighing softly. It was true. A cute guy like him, never been kissed before? Well, he couldn’t quite say that now, but still. “But…I mean…it was good, right? You liked it, so it was a good kiss,” she said, biting her lip again. It was easy for her to get nervous about this, wasn’t it? Was this what supposed to happen when you liked someone? They just went and made you stupidly nervous over everything? But…he made her happy, too, at the same time. Maybe that was what crushes did. The thing was, the happy overtook everything else, anyway, so she couldn’t help but smile.

A soft laugh escaped her when he looked at her through his fingers, and she took his wrists in her fingers, pulling them away from his face and then leaned over, kissing him again, just as slow and soft as before, but this one lasted a moment or two longer than before, her mouth lingering on his than it needed to, but she liked it.

"It's a little sad," he admitted, shrugging. A guy his age should have had it years ago, it seemed. But then again, at any other time it would have been a serious disaster, and this still had the potential to have been. But miraculously, it didn't. "Of course I liked it," he said, more for her than for him. He really knew that he loved it. It was soft and it made him feel great. It made him feel warm and soft and he just loved it. And he really did like her, and that made it even better for him. This had not turned into something uncomfortable, as it would normally go for him. "And I like you, so I don't have any complaints, really."

He felt that melting sensation again, like he was floating. Except that it seemed a thousand times better now. And when she lingered, it made him just lean over to kiss her again. He couldn't help it. His lips just craved hers. And when he pulled away, he could only look at her lips and eventually her eyes.

new year's eve • bird and bee

It was like their first kiss again, when he kissed her that time. It was slow and soft and she felt warm, everywhere. She wondered if first (and second) kisses were supposed to feel that…perfect. Because it definitely felt perfect. It wasn’t like she had much to compare it to, but still, something about it told her it was definitely the best kind of first kiss. Her heart jumped in her throat and hammered in her ears and she really, really liked kissing him, wow. But she didn’t want to spend the whole rest of their night kissing, she kind of liked just…being around him, talking to him. Their facts game was actually really fun, and she liked learning about him. He was interesting and sweet, and she really did like him.

She laughed softly, almost breathless but not quite. “I liked it, too,” she agreed, nodding, still close enough to him that their noses brushed. This was probably her best new years in…ever. And it wasn’t just because she got to kiss a handsome boy at midnight. “I like you.” And she bit her lip after she said the words, giving him a sheepish kind of smile.

"I'm glad you did," he said softly, completely forgetting about the card game, just getting closer to her. He liked kissing her too much now, and it was a little comical. "That was my first." Again, just saying words. He blushed bright red right when he realized what came out of his mouth. Gosh, he couldn't help it. At least he managed to speak to her. Otherwise, he would just sit there and shift in his seat and feel his throat clog up on him. But with her, he was warm and... Yeah, he said dumb things that didn't need to be said, but the point is he did manage to say them. That was a step up, right? A step up from awkward Robin who tripped over his own tongue and two feet if he didn't watch it.

"I like you, too," he said, his face still hot. He welcomed the heat, though, because at least it wasn't cold. But it did make him want to hide behind his hands, which was his first reflex, and he didn't even realize he did it until he had to look up at her from between his fingers.

"I’ll assume your New Years’ Eve was pleasant?"

I'd say so. Yours?

new year's eve • bird and bee

She gave a small, bashful smile when he pulled away. It didn’t feel like her, the way she was blushing and the way her stomach was like a gymnast, doing flips and spins, going for the gold. Her lips tingled and she wondered if he felt that, too; if he felt the way she did, too. He did kiss back, though, so that had to count for something, right? And it was so, so much better than her first kiss. He made her heart race and her palms were a little bit sweaty and she didn’t really know if the way her eyes kept falling to his mouth was normal. Was it crazy, that she kind of wanted to kiss him again? It probably was, she thought, so she decided not to think about it anymore, and just focus on…shit, she didn’t even know what to focus on. It was all just a jumbled mess.

"Happy new year," she breathed softly, smiling at him, and she bit on her lip after. Oh my god, that was probably really lame. But what else was she going to say? What else was there to say? The silence was kind of eating away at her, and she wondered, was she a bad kisser? It didn’t…feel like it was bad, but she wouldn’t really know.

"Happy New Year," he said, smiling back at her, not sure where all the air in his lungs had gone. He wanted to kiss her again, so bad. And he didn't know what came over him in that moment, but he leaned in and kissed her again, softly. It felt magical all over again, and he couldn't explain it. It all just felt right, even if he had no idea how to do any of it. He didn't mind the butterflies anymore, or the sweaty palms. He just wanted to kiss her again, slow and soft. And then he pulled away, and watched her again, because it felt the exact same way at the first time. It amazed him, that he could just recreate that feeling my touching his lips with her. This weird... high that he couldn't explain.

"I liked it." It amazed him how he just said words sometimes, without really thinking about what they were or what he meant to say. It just spilled out, but he knew he meant these, even if they sounded kind of stupid out loud. But hey, at least he said it, and if she liked him, he supposed she wouldn't mind the stupid things. Or maybe she would. He didn't know.

new year's eve • bird and bee

She smiled crookedly, reached up with one hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. Okay. So she definitely was going to kiss him, she just hoped it wasn’t…bad, or anything, for their first kiss. But between the two of them, there had to be something that would go right, right? Maybe it was a little naive to hope so, maybe it was a little pathetic that she hadn’t ever really kissed anyone at her age, but she didn’t exactly want to think about that right now, because then she’d screw everything up even worse than she would normally. Screwing things up just wasn’t an option, not for this, not for a kiss, something she should be good at by now. At least, one would think, right? But she was her, and she just wasn’t the girl boys often kissed, apparently.

Her nose brushed his and she thought her heart was going to stop, but she saw the clock strike midnight out of the corner of her eye and she closed the gap, pressed her mouth to his softly. And yeah, she was fairly sure her heart stopped for a split second, and maybe the way her veins buzzed a little bit was her overactive imagination, but she felt it, the electricity. It was crazy. She never thought a kiss could feel like that.

All of a sudden, when her lips touched his, everything around him melted. The cards, the bed, the sheets. It all just seemed to dissolve and leave the two of them there alone, floating in the middle of his room. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Not the room, not his hands sweating, not the fact that his stomach obviously thought doing skate tricks would impress her. It all just made his heart beat faster, and his blood ran with adrenaline. He could feel nothing and everything at the same time, and he had no idea how that worked. He also couldn't tell how he even knew what to do right now, because it all seemed to flow. Not that he thought it was good or anything like that, he just had to do something to not stay there, gaping like a fish.

He pulled away slowly, not really sure what to say. Part of him wanted to apologize in case that it was bad, but he could really just stay at her, wondering what had just happened, if it was supposed to feel like that. He didn't know. He just knew he liked it, but then again, he had nothing to compare it to and it was all just incredibly confusing.

new year's eve • bird and bee

She felt her heart jump a little bit in her throat and it was kinda scary, but - but she just…really wanted to swallow it down and do the stupid, reckless thing. But she also didn’t want to mess it up, because she couldn’t exactly…she wasn’t a very good kisser. At least, she didn’t think she was. After all, she had only ever been kissed one time and it wasn’t exactly all that great. But she liked him, and he liked her, and maybe that would make it okay. A part of her wondered if he’d ever kissed anyone before, but she shook the thought away, because assuming stuff was just really not okay. She couldn’t stand when people made assumptions about her, so she knew it wasn’t fair to do that about other people.

"I do want to. I’m asking if you want me to," she told him in a soft voice that didn’t feel exactly like her own. Her hands were a little shaky and she felt nervous about something she wasn’t even sure she was going to do. But she only had a minute left to decide, and she leaned a little closer, giving him enough room to pull away if he wanted to. And if he did want to, then she would understand. But if he didn’t…well, something would actually happen, and it’d be great.

"Umm, yeah, I do," he said, feeling his face grow hotter by the minute, and his hands sweat like crazy. He did want to kiss her, honestly, but he didn't know how to kiss, he had no idea what to do. He didn't know if she did, either, but then again, he always assumed everyone had more experience than he did at everything. He wondered if it was going to be awkward or sloppy or if he was going to suck or something... It wasn't like he was planning on telling her that was his first kiss or anything. At his age it was a little... pathetic... right? Well, he didn't know. Again, he wasn't very well versed in how things were supposed to be.

He didn't want to show her that was what was making him so nervous, but to be honest, it must have been really obvious. What else should be nervous about? She was leaning in to him, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do except lean in even closer and wonder if he was going to bump into her and all these awful things. God, he suddenly resented not being kissed before, because he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

"Happy New Year."

Happy New Year.

new year's eve • bird and bee

She bit down hard on her lip as she looked at the clock, and noticed the time, and almost gasped. It was 11:58, and she hadn’t even realized that it was almost tomorrow, it was almost the new year. And she moved even closer to him, and wanted to kiss him so badly. She wanted to break in the new year doing something wonderful, and something told her that kissing him would be just that. But she didn’t know how to go about kissing someone, since she’d only been kissed once before, and she wasn’t just going to steal a kiss from him. That isn’t something people do.

Putting down two cards face down, her face up card ended up being a queen of clubs, and she almost laughed. So close, but no cigar. And she knew just what fact she wanted to give him. “It’s almost midnight, and I kind of hoped I would be able to kiss you when the clock struck twelve,” she told him honestly, and she was pretty sure she was blushing from her neck to her ears, she could feel it. She felt kind of stupid, but…whatever, if he didn’t want to kiss her, he’d say no, right?

He takes the two cards in the middle and feels his heart race at her question. He did want to kiss her, but he never imagined that anyone would want to kiss him, specially not someone like her. He looked at the clock again, almost as if to verify what she was saying was true, and then back at her. He avoided her eyes for a moment, because the truth was, he had never been kissed before, or hell, he had never been offered a kiss before. He just wasn't the type of person girls wanted to kiss, or the type of guy anyone really fell in love with, or talked to because they wanted more.

"Ummm..." He looked at the clock. 11:59. He didn't know what he was supposed to tell her, her didn't know. His hands started feeling cold and a little clumsy, he even had to put his cards down to avoid her from seeing how shaky they were. He should be able to speak now, right? He should say something, but his throat was closing up. Damn social anxiety, or just his anxiety in general. "You can, if you want to." It just slipped out, and he didn't realize how dry it sounded until he wanted to slap himself for it. But it was out now.

new year's eve • bird and bee

She glanced at the clock, but barely registered the time before she looked away. The thing was, she kind of wanted to know what time it was, but she also didn’t. Mostly, she just wanted to know what it was midnight, so she could know how long she had to muster up the courage to kiss him. Because she really did want to, when the clock struck midnight. She never had before, and she rather liked the idea of him being the first one she got to start the tradition with…not that she had really expected him to be here with her again next year, for her to kiss at midnight. The very thought made something stir in her, and she wasn’t exactly sure if she liked it or not, though so far, the answer seemed to be no. It was foreign and therefore worrying.

"I don’t like needles, either. I’m not, like, really afraid of them, but they make me uneasy," she said, shrugging her shoulder, causing her hair to fall over it. Hospitals tended to freak her out, too, but that was something else entirely. She could never explain why she hated them, she just did. "Oh, yeah, I get that," she told him, giving him a soft look. Biting her lip, she took the two cards, and put down her own, an eight of clubs.

He sometimes wondered what the big deal about a changing number was. People were still going to go about their lives like normal, still struggle if they were struggling. The year changing wasn't going to change that at all. He felt weird thinking about things like this, because each time he did the cold hands clasped on his shoulders, but he ignored them this time, because if he thought about it for too long, he would somehow end up hiding under his bed again, regardless of whether or not she was here. He was known to make unconscious acts like those. So instead he thought about the number changing, and all the dumb good things they implanted into his mind since he was younger about another year.

"Oh, I am," he said, shuddering a bit. "There's some things that just shouldn't go into people. Especially when the words, 'If you move, it might break off,' come into play." He shrugged. He really did hate needles. No, he wasn't phobic, but he afraid enough to want to hide each time he had to go to the doctor for a blood test or shots. He put down an eight, too, then placed two cards faced down and a king of spades on top. Wow, maybe his luck really was changing, whether or not he won this round or not. He didn't care. Better cards meant better luck, right?

#para- beatrice

new year's eve • bird and bee

She smiled to herself when he moved closer, because she liked it. He was warm and gave her goosebumps, which was really new. The last thing she wanted was to think about the time, though, because she didn’t want to think about how she’d probably want to leave eventually. Right now, of course, the very, very last thing she wanted to do was leave. Being around him made her too happy, even if he also made her kind of nervous. She didn’t really know how to feel about that, but she knew she liked him, and that she didn’t want to leave, so she would be alright. Besides, he was cute, and why wouldn’t she want to be around a cute boy that liked her, too? It’d be stupid of her to pass up that chance.

"It was weird," she said, smiling at the sound of his laugh. God, she really liked his laugh. "I can’t imagine how much that’d hurt. I mean, the stitches aren’t so bad, most of it doesn’t hurt because of shock and whatever, but god, breaking a bone just sounds…ugh," she shuddered, shaking her head away from the thoughts. Biting her lip, she put down a four of hearts and thought, shit, she was really lucky.

He tried not to look at her too much when he got closer, because if he did then he'd probably scare himself. And if she didn't pull away, it meant that she was okay with it, right? At least that's what he thought. He turned to look at the clock, then turned back not even reading the time. There was a one in there somewhere, but he didn't check where it was placed. He just didn't want to know. Not fully, anyway. He wanted to know when the clock struck twelve mostly because it was tradition and if he missed it, he wasn't so sure what he would do. Obviously nothing would happen to him, but hey, it was just a tradition. Nothing would happen to him... Right? He really did want to kiss her, though. It was trailing his mind.

"They kind of numb your skin for it, I guess. But the needle going in still freaks me out." He didn't like thinking about anything that had to do with breaking bones or showing blood or anything where people ended up in the hospital. It wasn't his cup of tea, after all and he preferred to steer away. When he saw her four of hearts, he tried to think of a new fact to give her. He wasn't so sure what to say. "Ummm, well, for some reason I really hate the sound of nails scraping over any surface. It freaks me out."