You and Jonah now have what most people would consider to be a happy, healthy relationship, but your love story hardly started that way. Especially since it started during your angsty school years.
A/N: Here I am posting every once in a blue moon. For some reason, I headcanon that Bartender and Jonah (but mostly Bartender) were really angsty when they were in school. This is one snippet into that headcanon.
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âCare for some company?â
You didnât look up to see the origin of the voice, nor did you bother answering the question. Youâd always had an unsaid form of communication with Jonah. As much as youâd hated to admit it, you always wanted his company. He knew it too; the question was more of a courtesy.Â
Youâd simply scooted over, giving him some space to join you on the floor of the already cramped janitorâs closet youâd hidden yourself into. He, on the other hand, wasted no time in settling down. You soon felt the warmth of his body next to you, the space not allowing for much separationânot that either of you minded.Â
For a while, no one said anything. What was there to say? Hey, sorry I canât communicate to save my life? Or, better yet, sorry for hiding like a weirdo, vulnerability scares me?
So much for the âtough guyâ act youâd been putting on.Â
One kiss from the multicolored, fluffy-haired boy next to you was all it took to completely obliterate it. Curse him and his soft lips and charisma, you thought to yourself, hoping that he couldnât feel the waves of self-frustration coming off of you in that moment.Â
âListenâŚâ his voice finally shattered the silence youâd created. ââŚIâm sorry about the kiss. IâI guess I thought there was something there but if I got the wrong impression and youâre avoiding me because my feelings make you uncomfortable thenââ
âThey donât,â you finally said, interrupting his spiral of statements that couldnât be farther from the truth. His feelings didnât make you uncomfortable, they scared you, and sometimes you couldnât tell which was worse.
If the kiss hadnât made your heart beat right out of your chest, you wouldnât be hiding right now. You could just reject him here and now and youâd move past this, go back to normal. You wouldnât be hiding from your own feelings.
âYour feelings donât make me uncomfortable, Jonah. You didnât do anything wrong.âÂ
âThen what are we doing in a janitorâs closet?â
Despite the expected snark that couldâve been hidden within the question, it had instead come out softer than youâd ever heard Jonah speak before. It only made your heart ache.Â
For the first time since heâd kissed you, you finally turn to face himâproperly face him.Â
Gone was his signature lazy smile, the dimples that often accompanied it, and the liveliness of his eyes. The liveliness had been stamped put by deep dark circles, most likely left behind by what mustâve been a weekâs worth of sleepless nights. He couldnât fake a smile even if he wanted to. He knew youâd see right through him anyway. You always didâ
âThere is no âwe.â I came here intending to be alone for a bit before class. Youâre the one jumping to conclusions.âÂ
âbut, unfortunately for you, Jonah always saw right through you too.Â
âRight, because youâve always been known to hide in closets during your breaks,â Jonah snaps, the softness fading into something harsher.Â
Good, his anger would be more palpable. Youâd only fall apart otherwise.
âIâm not exactly right in the head, thought you wouldâve picked up on that by now,â you simply say back, getting ready to escape this conversation.
At this, Jonahâs eyes flash with something you canât quite placeâpity perhaps, or maybe even concernâbefore reaching out to take hold of your wrist. His grip is careful, strong enough to prevent you from running, but never enough to hurt you.
âEnough of this. Avoiding me isnât doing either of us any favors. Just talk to me, please.âÂ
You canât help but look away at his plea. His eyes are too desperate, too full of something youâre only too terrified to dissect.Â
âIâve never been good at talking either,â you try deflecting. ââŚYou know that so stop acting surprised now. You knew from the very beginning what kind of person I was.â
âRight,â he huffs out in disbelief. âEnlighten me then, what kind of person is that?â
A coward, for starters, you think to yourself.
But it seems like Jonah reads your mind because he immediately interrupts your self-deprecating train of thought before you can verbalize it.
âWrong,â he firmly states while shifting his grip on your wrist to instead take hold of your hand. The warmth of it used to comfort you. The times heâd lead you to one of the many quiet places he knew to help with your social anxiety. Or even the times heâd quickly grab your hand to run away from whatever consequences awaited his bursts of rebellion, never dreaming of leaving you behind.Â
The warmth only suffocated you now, reminding you that it wasnât something you deserved. Youâd only mess it up, mess him up with your baggage. You couldnât do this to him, no matter how much you wanted it.Â
Your thoughts aside, he continues. âIâm not going to tell you that you donât know yourself, or that what you feel is wrong.â
You keep your head down
âBut what I can do is help you fight those negative thoughts away.â
His other hand moves to your cheek, pausing slightly before finally caressing it. Thereâs a beat of silence, seemingly giving you the time to refuse him, to move away. You stay still.
âYouâre not a coward, youâre not a terrible person, and there is absolutely wrong with you.â His gaze suddenly darkens, something he tries to conceal with a weak smile as he leans closer to your face. Your noses are nearly touching. âThere are days I wish I could find the fuckers who made you feel this way and beat them to a pulp.âÂ
You knew it was unrealistic and would only cause more problems, but you secretly wished he could do so too. If your demons were something that could be beat, life would be a lot easier for the both of you.Â
ââŚI hate that you always see the best in me. It feels like Iâm lying to you⌠like youâre going to see through me one day and realize Iâm not who you think I am.â
He squeezes your hand.Â
âI see you, all of youâÂ
You slump your forehead against his, shutting your eyes.Â
âWhy do you always know the right thing to say?â
This earns you a chuckle from him.
âWhat can I say?â He responds, a mix of his signature teasing and something softer. âIt could only mean that Iâm the right one for you.â
For the first time in a week, you feel your lips curl slightly.
âYouâre a dork, you know that?â
âAm I a dork who getâs another kiss?âOh, and one who wonât get ditched afterwards?â
ââŚJust kiss me already.â
He doesnât need to be told again. Before you know it, heâs nudged your lips towards his, capturing them in a slow and gentle kiss. Itâs not like the first one. The first one reflected just how caught up in the heat of the moment you were at the time, holding a sort of desperation. No, this one was far more careful. As if heâs expecting you to take off again.Â
But you wonât. You owe him at least that much. You canât keep running away from this, whatever this is.Â
He finally pulls away, resting his forehead back onto yours.
âYou wanna talk somewhere that isnât a janitorâs closet?â
Not really, you think to yourself. But thereâs no one else Iâd want to face this fear with.Â
very random thought but can you imagine the off chance that the bar they went to during leighâs pt 2 being the bar that jonahâs listener (bartender) works at? just bartender witnessing everything that went down and casually mentioning it to jonah but having no idea whatâs actually going on
itâs crazy thinking about how tristan is lowkey doing to his current girlfriend what gumpyâs ex did to them. itâs probably gonna end the same way their relationship ended as well. regardless of how things resolve themselves, tristan is going to end up with the one his partner was always worried about.
Small question: Iâm not necessarily new around here butâfor those that do read and enjoy my writingsâwould yâall be open to sending in requests even if they take a while/Iâm a bit picky with what I write?Â
I really want to get back to writing but it seems my life has taken over so I figure that maybe taking requests will encourage me to write more. I write basically anything that isnât otherwise sexually or violently explicit.Â
You donât need to respond to this post or anything, just send something in and Iâll see what I can do! Iâll probably make more rules as I go along in terms of topics/characters I write for.Â
CW: mentions of anxiety/depression, medication for anxiety/depression, not really angst but not fluff either
A/N: it's good to finally post again.
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âWhatâs that?â
You froze for a second. You hadnât even been thinking when youâd taken out the bottle of pills in the middle of your conversation with Kayson. It seemed to be a common occurrence nowadays, doing things without thinking, or rather just being in a state of not thinking. It was something that still gave you pause even though youâd been with Kayson for months now. A part of you was scared by it, but an even bigger part of you knew that it was Kaysonâs comforting and easygoing nature that made it possible. You felt safe with him. Safe enough that you didnât need to think sometimes, and it was really nice.Â
âOh, right. Sorry, I just realized that Iâve never mentioned this to you before.â
You suppose there isnât quite a right or casual way to bring up, not only being clinically depressed and anxious, but also taking medication for said depression and anxiety. Well, itâs not like you came off as the most mentally secure person. Kayson has been a witness to your borderline obsessive behaviors towards schoolwork and extracurriculars, but you guess he never gave it much more thought. Itâs not to say that he didnât worry about youâthere have been several occasions in which heâs had to personally make sure youâve eatenâbut he mustâve just chalked it up to pressure from your family and perfectionism. Itâs understandable not to want to assume the worst of those you love.Â
But now youâre here, moved out of your parentâs place and into Kaysonâs dadâs house. Itâs your first night here as a resident and not a guest so you didnât just handle your nightly routine in his bathroom like youâd usually done when you were just staying over for a night. Your stuff was now next to his: skincare items, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and other miscellaneous things. Both of you were excited about that fact; having your stuff being together was another big step in you being together. And now your bottle of antidepressants was in his bathroom cabinet, together with the first aid and generic pain medication he kept in there as well. He definitely noticed you take out the bottle and swallow a pill.
âNo, thereâs no need to apologize!â he quickly backtracked, seeming apologetic himself for asking in the first place. âI just blurted out the question without thinking. You donât need to tell me if you donât want to. Promise.â
âKayson, itâs ok. I wasnât hiding this or anything⌠I just didnât think to bring it up, honestly. Theyâre antidepressants. Iâve been on them for years at this point.âÂ
âOh,â was his only response and you didnât blame him. What is there to say in this situation?
âIâm sorry for making things awkward. Thereâs honestly no need to worry about my wellbeing or anything. Iâve got it handled. I promise.â
âNo, waitâI just⌠you didnât make things awkward or anything. I guess I justâI donât know, I guess I just didnât realize you wereââ
âThat bad?â
âDepressed, baby. I knew things were so bad at home you had to leave but I didnât realize to what extent it took a toll on you.âÂ
âHon, the fact that you didnât notice is the reason why Iâm even taking them in the first place. Yes, I wasnât in the best environment and Iâve been stressed lately but this has less to do with anything happening around me and more so do with just how my brain works. I was diagnosed when I was like 12, Kayson, Iâve learned to live with it.â
Kayson didnât know what to do with this information, you could tell just by looking at him.Â
You could only sigh as you placed a hand on his cheek, caressing the soft skin.Â
âKayson, I appreciate your concern, I really doââ you say as you place your other hand on the other side of his face, pulling him in for a brief but soft kiss. ââbut this has been a part of me since before you even met me. I can answer any questions you have but please trust me when I say that everything is ok.â
His hands came up to cover yours, leaning into your gentle touch before kissing your palms. His gaze was gentle, finally letting go of the tension his concern was causing.
âOk, I trust you. Iâll let this go,â Kayson relented.Â
âGood. Now, letâs go to bed. I spent so much time working today and everything is starting to blur together. I need sleep,â you say as you grab a hold of Kaysonâs hand and pull him to your shared bed.Â
You quickly get into bed together, burrying yourself deep into the mountain of blankets while Kayson wraps his arms around you. This had been your nightly routine for months, the subtle strength in his arms and the warm of his body becoming as normal and essential as the weighted blanket youâd used for your anxiety. You reveled in Kaysonâs presence and the comfort it brought you. You felt at ease with him by your side.
But still, tonight felt different. You felt something shift as Kaysonâs hold on you felt tighter than it usually was.Â
He was still worried, and the younger version of you wouldâve probably been bothered by such concern.Â
The âyouâ of now, however, understood that these uncomfortable conversations were a monument of growth, in both yourself and your relationship with Kayson.Â
And you couldnât help but hold him just as tightly, secure in the fact that everything was going to be ok.Â
I know that nesta and cassian are now officially together but itâd be hilarious if nesta rejected the mating bond in favor of eris only for elain to reject the mating bond with lucien in favor of azriel. like one sister was fated to live in autumn and one was fated to be with an illyrian but it wasnât the one the cauldron intended.
I think itâs funny that both eliasâ and jonahâs listeners make/serve drinks as their job. I wonder if theyâve ever made that connection as well.
CW: slightly suggestive at the end, asirel's usual dynamic with the listener, dependent behavior
A/N: don't mind me, just clearing out my drafts.
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When Asirel had first referred to you as âpet,â heâd done so emphasizing the fact that you now belonged to him but, although he knew that you were motivated by your need to be wanted, he never expected this.Â
You were settled on the floor next to him while he sat at his desk, resting your head on his thigh as if it were the most common daily occurrence. Youâd walked into his office with not so much as a knock or warning, something heâd punish others for doing but his quick acceptance of your actions made him realize that he may have spoiled you a little too much. He said nothing as you sat down on the floor and maneuvered his chair to give you the necessary room beside him. He felt you sigh in contentment as soon as you were comfortable and he couldnât quite find any words to comment on your behavior for a good while.
Itâs not like youâd caused a big scene or were trying to get his attention. Youâd taken the precaution to stay quiet and seemed to just be happy in his presence. He wasnât sure if it was the endearing nature of your actions or his newfound instinct to return your acts of affection but it was of his own volition that heâd reached down to stroke your hair while he completed his work.Â
To anyone else witnessing this, this would seem laughable and insane. Here you were, a creature so dangerous you could wipe out his entire estate without so much as a scrape to your own body yet choosing to simply lounge by his side like a house cat.
âAnd to what do I owe this warm and sudden visit, pet?â His voice finally broke the comfortable silence youâd created, his curiosity finally outweighing the importance of the work in front of him.
ââŚYou said you were going to visit me today but you never showed up.âÂ
Upon hearing your words, he quickly looked over at the clock on his desk and realized it was already past midnight, six hours past the time heâd promised to have dinner with you the night before. He was so caught up analyzing the intel heâd received earlier that day that heâd completely lost track of time and broken his promise to you in the process.Â
He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a heavy sigh before pushing the chair back and motioning for you to come up and sit on his lap. Despite the disappointment and slight annoyance you felt when he essentially stood you up a few hours ago, you quickly obliged him, wasting no time in settling in and resting your cheek on his shoulder.Â
âI apologize, pet. Iâll have my dinner schedule cleared tomorrow so I can make it up to you. How does that sound?âÂ
You noticed that his voice carried a hint of regret at his actions. He wasnât a gentle man by any means, but he did take responsibility when he did something wrong. It was times like these you were grateful that you chose to go with him the day heâd come to âadoptâ you. He was someone you could depend on.Â
âI want to stay with you tonight too,â you requested, knowing that he was more likely to accept now than any other time.Â
His eyebrow raised at this request, the edges of his mouth seeming to fight off a smile. âAre you negotiating with me right now? It seems youâve picked up a few things from me as of late.â
You donât bother lifting your head from where itâs resting, opting to stay put as you fidget with the collar of his shirt and answer him, âI am simply asking my gracious master to grant me a wish to make me feel better after abandoning me.â
âI did not abandon you.âÂ
âIt sure seemed like you did.âÂ
Ah, so that was the game you were playing, he thought to himself.
âFine,â he relents while getting up from his chair, picking you up in the process and leading you towards his bedroom. âAs your gracious master, Iâll grant you a space in my bed tonight.âÂ
Before you can silently cheer the success of your plan, Asirel leans in close to your face and you can see unclear intent in his eyes, âBut I will be the one to decide how we spend our night.âÂ
CW: mentions of past trauma/mistreatment, reader feeling anxious, minor injuries
A/N: wrote this ages ago and recently found it in my drafts; please disregard any mistakes.
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âIâve been lying to you.â
Isaac freezes in his chair before quickly relaxing and placing the documents heâd been reading on the desk. He slowly turns towards you, motioning for you to come closer.Â
âYou certainly know how to get my attention,â Isaac replies nervously. You could tell he was wary despite his playful words. âWhat have you been lying about, exactly?â
You fidget in front of him, not quite able to look at him while you contemplate just how youâd broach the subject of who you wereâor rather what you were.
Thanks to the stupid rules of your kind, you couldnât outright tell him what you were. Something about âignorance being blissâ or however that human saying goes. It was a safety issue. Hunters canât hunt what they donât know.
Truthfully, if someone had told you that youâd be in this position six months agoâtelling a human of your true identityâyou wouldâve laughed in their face and reported them to the elders for even suggesting a thing. Well, to be fair, you wouldâve done anything to get in the elderâs good graces six months ago, but thatâs not the point. Details donât really matter. What matters is the forbiddenness of what youâre doing.Â
Itâs a bad idea, really. Humans are fickle creatures and thereâs no guarantee Isaacâs love will last. Youâd waited until he finally opened up enough to begin a relationship with you, butâdisregarding the fact that your kind isnât even supposed to fall in love with humansâthat doesnât mean much in the grand scheme of things. Heâs human. Or at least, thatâs what you kept telling yourself.
The guilt of keeping this from him was easier when he held you at armâs length, when the possibility of him throwing you out was high. But things changed. He opened up, slowly but surely, and even revealed his biggest secret. A secret that killed his family and destroyed his innocence. A secret that wasnât a secret to you.
When he showed you the video of the werewolf, youâd tried to respond in a way that didnât alert him to your own extended knowledge on the topic, of a life that most humans donât know about. Youâd questioned the validity of the video, both because you werenât sure if it was created by some human to create chaos and because, if it truly was real, you wanted to gauge his opinion on the matter. You wanted to know if he believed it was real.Â
Despite his suspicious nature, he did end up believing the validity of the video. Was it perhaps because he wanted to believe the thing that killed his parents wasnât some sort of practical joke? Maybe, but that doesnât really matter either.Â
He knew creatures like you were out there, which makes it easier to approach telling him the truth of your existence but also a lot harder at the same time. The shock wonât be from your existence, but rather that you kept it from him.Â
Moreover, when it comes to the logistics of your exact conversation, there are a few major issues.Â
There is no name for what you are. Names and identifying information are forbidden. Any utterance of information on your kind is immediately quelled before it leaves your mouth. Your throat closes up and youâre left a sputtering mess. Writing anything down is out of the question as well, your hands only producing incoherent scratches and marks if you tried. Itâs a curse, you supposeâand an inconvenient one at thatâbut also an effective way to hide. And an effective way to lose the man you love if you donât hurry up and say something already.Â
You mustâve been quiet for too long because Isaac had long since abandoned his chair and walked over to you when you heard his voice again.
âYou⌠donât need to force yourself to tell me if itâs difficult. Iâm well aware that some secrets are best kept hidden. Itâs my job to pry, but youâre not a case to be opened. You more than have the agency to tell me what you wish.âÂ
At his words, you finally look up at him. His face is a mixture of concern and the same wariness as before.Â
âIt doesnât feel fair. Youâve told me things youâve tried to keep hidden for years and yet here I am struggling to tell you something so important.â
At this, you feel Isaacâs hand gently lift your chin.Â
âHave you been spying on me this entire time?â
The shock mustâve been evident on you face at his question.
âNo, of course not!â
âWere you sent by an enemy organization?â
âIsaac, you know thatâs not the case.â
âYouâre right. I do know thatâs not the case.â
âThen why are youâ?â
âIâve long since accepted you for who you are, for everything you are. You donât need to hide from me. Whatever it is youâve been lying about, I know it was never to hurt me.â You could feel Isaac move closer, closing the gap between you two. âAnd even if you did try to hurt me, my heart is yours to hurt. Call it unhealthy, but I wasnât lying when I said that you were now my motivation to live. Do whatever you need to soothe your aching heart. Iâll be here to bear it all.âÂ
You werenât sure which one of you moved first, but before you knew it his lips were on yours. It wasnât like one of the kisses youâd share to greet each other or show affection, this kiss was full of something else. It conveyed the love he professed to you moments before, but it was also vulnerable. Isaacâs heartbeat was more honest about his feelings than he was. You could feel his heart pounding. He was anxious despite his comforting words.Â
After you pull away, you decide youâd let the suspense go on for far too long. His words had finally let you find your resolve.Â
âFollow me,â you ordered as you pulled Isaac outside of his office. While he normally wouldâve teased you for sudden boldness, Isaac knew to keep quiet and let you lead, something you quite appreciated.Â
He didnât question you as you lead him into your shared bedroom. Originally quite bare and minimalist, youâd added your own charm to the bookshelves and wooden furniture that furnished the room. Isaac welcomed your changes, even if he still pauses upon seeing your stuffed animals or displayed collection of fairy tale figurines. Itâs not a bad pause by any means, but rather one of disbelief. His room had never been this lively before you. It now had evidence of your shared existence.Â
âOk, I need you to bear with me. This isnât something I can outright tell you,â you warn as you finally let go of his hand and shut the door.Â
He simply nods and waits for whatever youâre planning to do. Itâs not until you start to take off your cardigan and shirt that he shows any kind of reaction besides his existing nervousness.Â
âWhat are youâ?â Isaac starts but is immediately cut off by a large flash a light and sudden blast of wind that wouldâve knocked him down if not for the door behind him.Â
Suddenly, the fact that you are shirtless in front of him is the last thing on his mind. He has bigger issues to discuss, namely the wings that were now sprouting out of your back.Â
He is speechless as he takes in your new form. Your wings are birdlikeâwhite like a doveâs but donât look nearly as soft. Rather, the feathers look sharp enough to cut him if he were to touch them, a risk heâs debating taking as he continues to look at you, enthralled by what heâs seeing.Â
You stand in silence for a few moments, waiting for him to finally say something. You look for any signs of fear or anger, but only see pure amusement.Â
ââŚAn angelâŚ,â he manages to breathe out.Â
You donât even try to speak. Confirming or denying his claim is just as forbidden as outright telling him what you are yourself. Instead, you walk over to him, taking note of how he steps backâan impulse even he canât shakeâand immediately freezing in your spot.Â
You lower your wings, not wanting to intimidate him. They werenât as big as the others of your kindâa reason why you were cast outâbut theyâd seem big to anyone whoâd never seen them before. Hell, the wings themselves are intimidating.Â
At seeing your attempt to make yourself smaller, Isaac walks towards you.Â
It wasnât just the wings that were different about you. Your skin was glowing, radiating a soft light that was unlike anything heâd ever seen before. Your eyes were sharper, not quite glowing but still brilliant enough to notice. It was like your entire being was made up of light. It was all so inhuman.Â
Despite thisâor maybe because of itâIsaac doesnât hesitate in gently placing his hands on your both sides of your face, caressing the soft skin.Â
âIâm not who I said I was, Isaac,â you say finally, almost too quiet to hear.Â
âStrange, I donât ever recall you ever claiming to be human,â was his response.Â
You look up at him in disbelief. His tone was playful, but his eyes showed something different. Youâd figured he was delirious from the shock, but he was quite serious.Â
âI donât understand. YouâreâŚok with this? That I kept this from you?â
Isaac pauses for a second to think before be responds.Â
âAfter my grandfather showed me the video, I spent months trying to find as much information on the supernatural as possible. I didnât follow any threads that would put on their radar, but not knowing anything about these creatures that I was suddenly now aware of was difficult. I needed to do something to ease the uncertainty I was facing.âÂ
He had moved his hands from your face, opting to hold yours instead, squeezing them in comfort.Â
âThe research I did was quite extensive and I managed to find quite a lot of information once I weeded out the websites and blogs that were obviously written by humans who had no idea what they were talking about. There were hundreds of entries, both by creatures writing about themselves and by those who hunt them.â
His face hardens.Â
âThe hunting records were endless. Reports of entire clans being massacred, the best ways to torture every kind of creature you could think of, their strengths and weaknesses, the trafficking of supernatural creatures for purposes of protection or⌠other unsavory reasons. All of these records claiming that the supernatural are dangerous, yet only showing the cruelty towards them at the same time. I thought that the video of the werewolf being tortured was bad, but it was nothing compared to what I found afterwards.â
His expression becomes intense as he brings you close to him, minding the wings as best as he can.
âYou know my stance when it comes to human nature. We are weak compared to the supernatural, but we arenât innocent by any means. Humans are cruel and seek out any and all kinds of power for the sake of their own advancement... You were protecting yourself. I canât blame you for that.âÂ
You werenât sure when it started, but his final words made you realize that youâd started crying. Once coming to this realization, you bury yourself further into his chest, feeling his arms hold you tighter to him as well, now letting your wings cut him as much as they want.
âYouâre you. It doesnât matter if youâre not human. Everything youâve shown me in the time weâve known each other has only proven that youâre better than any other human could beâeven without having so-called âhumanity.â I love you. That hasnât changed, nor would it have changed over something like this to begin with.âÂ
You pull back slightly and he wipes the tears from your eyes as you finally speak up again.
âYou really mean it? This doesnât bother you?â
At this, Isaac looks offended that youâd even ask those questions.
âMy feelings for you arenât so fickle that theyâd disappear over something like this,â he asserts with a tinge of a tease in his voice, hoping to lighten the mood. âIt doesnât matter what you are, you are mineââÂ
He pauses and lifts your chin once again.
ââand I am yours,â he finally finishes.Â
When he leans over to kiss you, you let him take over, trusting his words fully as he shows you his determination. Your mind is a blur of all kinds of emotions as you melt into his soft yet somehow still firm hold. When you finally pull away, youâre breathless from the sheer intensity of it all.Â
Itâs also once you pull away that you realize youâve been shirtless for the entirety of this conversation. Suddenly embarrassed, you shift back into your wingless formâmuch to Isaacâs disappointmentâand rush to pick up the shirt you were wearing to put it back on.Â
As you quicklyâand shylyâput on your shirt, you take notice of Isaacâs own appearance, or rather the cuts covering his arms where heâd made contact with your wings. Your eyes widen as you rush over, apologetic over having hurt him unintentionally.Â
Before you can say anything or apologize, Isaac cuts you off: âDonât. I did this to myself. Besides, theyâre more like scratches than anything. Itâs nothing to worry about.âÂ
He sighs as he sees your guilty expression. An expression he reasons is due to his injuries, but is rather something much deeper.
ââŚThe first aid-kit is in the bathroom. You can patch me up if youâd like.âÂ
You perk up at his offer, quickly rushing to the bathroom to grab the first-aid kit as heâd requested. Itâs not hard to find by any meansâmeant to be easily accessible for emergenciesâbut youâre delayed by your own thoughts.Â
You shouldâve been defeated by the fact that you couldnât heal him in the same way others of your kind easily couldâve in your position. You shouldâve wished to be as strong as them, to be worthy of calling yourself [redacted], but for once in your life you werenât.Â
Here you were, living a life with a man who loves and accepts you for who you are. Even if itâs just the two of you, you finally have a home and family. You have a purpose, whether it be being Isaacâs life partner or a private investigator. You were actually glad to have been cast out, to have been abandoned and left to fend for yourself. All of the pain and sufferingâ
âHaving trouble finding it? Iâll try looking for it downstairs. I may have left it down there.â
You smiled to yourself. Right, you had a job to do. This reflection can come later.Â
âNope, itâs right here! Iâll be there in a bit!â
The day would come when youâd finally grow strong enough to protect the two of you, to tell Isaac of your upbringing and the reason why you were cast outâor at least as much as you were allowed toâbut that would come in due time. Right now, youâd help in the way you knew how, and that was more than enough.Â
CW: mentions of past abuse/unhealthy relationships, trauma caused by abuse/unhealthy relationships, yelling, arguments, hurt/comfort
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Trauma isnât a simple thing, no matter how much you wished it was.
Youâre in a committed relationship with the man who gave you a second chance at life. You wake up in his arms without the fear of having your belongings thrown out by the landlord before kicking you out for not paying rent on time. You eat your meals with him without uncertainty of when your next meal will be or needing to ration out your food to last weeks at a time. You live your life knowing that you have a future with him. You not only have a family with him, but a family that loves you.
Youâve escaped the hell that you were living, so why?Â
Why are you currently hyperventilating on your shared bathroom floor?Â
Why canât you stop the tears that are blurring your vision and staining the carpet below you?
Why couldnât you keep your composure when the man that you love so much lost his temper and raised his voice at you?
Isaac is not my father. Heâd never hurt me. Isaac is not my father. Heâd never hurt me.Â
You replayed these phrases in your head like a mantra, scolding yourself for even needing to make that clarification to yourself. Isaac had been having a stressful day. People snap sometimes and itâs ok. Itâs ok. Itâs ok.Â
It was your fault anyway. Youâd insisted on having dinner with him when heâd told you that heâd skip dinner to continue working on a particularly hard case heâd gotten recently. You kept pushing when you shouldnât have. It was your selfishness that got you into this situation. It was your fault.Â
Perhaps thatâs why you retreated into the bathroom after promptly apologizing for everything yet nothing at all. You werenât even sure of what youâd said to him. As soon as you felt the panic spike through your body, youâd excused yourself as quickly as you possibly could.Â
It took everything within you to stay quiet as the fears and feelings you often experienced as a child rushed back to you. Issac knew that your childhood wasnât the happiest but you rarely discussed the details. You didnât want him to feel like he needed to be careful around you. He always looked so fond when he talked about his motherâs traditions or his fatherâs teachings and you didnât want to take that away from him. Truthfully, you werenât even triggered by his experiences. His parentâs love for him had nothing to do with the unhealthy love your parents had given you. There was no reason why itâd bother you. Thereâs no reason why anything Isaac did would incite these feelings within you. Or at least you thought.Â
This wasnât even the first time heâd raised his voice at you. Heâd been pretty agitated when you insisted on pursuing a relationship with him despite the dangers. Heâd been harsh to you before when talking about his past was still considered to be none of your business. There was no reason as to why his anger was affecting you so much now and you hated yourself for reacting this way.Â
Here you were, spiraling with thoughts of self-hatred and fear.Â
Will he leave me if Iâm too annoying?Â
I shouldâve left him alone, now he hates me.
He hates me. He hates me. He hatesâ
A sudden urgent succession of knocks on the door interrupts your thoughts. The door opens before youâre able to compose yourself or tell him to give you a moment. Telling by the worried look of his face and the speed at which the door opens, you figure that heâd been knocking for longer than you had realized.Â
Time seemed to stop the moment your tear-filled eyes locked with his. You wanted to crawl into a hole from how mortified and embarrassed you felt at being caught for overreacting to such a small thing.Â
You quickly get up from the floor, wiping the tears from your eyes with shaky hands.Â
âI apologize for barging in. You werenât responding and I⌠I was worried something had happened to you. It seemed like you were struggling to breathe; I didnât know what to do.â
Before he has the chance to take your shaky hands into his and inspect your current state, you move away.
âY-you donât need to apologize. Iâm sorry for causing such aââÂ
âNo, I am the one who needs to apologize. I shouldnât have taken out my frustration on you when you were only trying to care for me. I shouldâve thought about how my words would affect you. Please donât ignore your own feelings. You more than have the right to feel upset right now. Itâs only natural that you would be.âÂ
Shock was the only explanation for your sudden collapse. The shock of hearing the words youâd always wanted to hear from those that had hurt you from the one person who had only given you love destroyed the last bit of composure you had.Â
Isaac joins you on the floor, bringing you close to his chest and holding you in the warmest embrace youâve ever experienced. His hand rests in your hair, stroking it gently as you cry in his arms. His case didnât matter right now, nor did anything else that could possibly require him to leave your side in this moment. Heâd needed you so many times in the past. It was his turn to return the favor.Â
âI- I was so scared,â you managed to speak in between sobs. Your hands found themselves holding onto his shirt, finding security in the firmness of your grip of him.Â
Your actions only made Isaac pull you closer, âItâs ok, everything is going to be ok.â He lifts your chin, his eyes meeting yours, âI will do everything in my power to make sure of it.âÂ
This wasnât the first time youâve heard such words and promises from someone, but for the first time in your life, they donât ring hollow. He wasnât just trying to placate you. He meant every single word.Â
You hold his gaze for a moment, deciding that youâve hidden yourself away for far too long. He was Isaac Rhoades, the man you decided to spend the rest of your life with. The man who you trust with your life, who gave you a second chance at life. If there was anyone in the world who you could trust to handle your own demons, it was certainly him.
ââŚIsaacâŚhave you ever wondered why I left home?âÂ