Wildflower Fairytale

A story of self-discovery and everything that comes along with it.

[wildflowerfairytale]

My babes got me flowers for my last day at the Boys and Girls Club today. Such a sweet surprise from the most thoughtful kids! I'm so thankful for my time with them. I learned a lot about myself and more about Jesus. There were really great days and really hard days. All in all, I love the people and kids that will now forever have a piece of my heart. Jesus is faithful and good. Here's to a new season of being stretched and learning more about the character of The Lord. One thing is for sure, He always provides and He loves me very much! // Hey Pine Cove, I'll see you on Monday. #vsco #afterlight

[wildflowerfairytale]

"Most of all, He[Jesus] made us to dream. We are meant to dream a lot. We're not just a cosmic biology experiment that ended up working. We're part of God's much bigger plan for the whole world. Just like God's son arrived here, so did you. And after Jesus arrived, God whispered to all of humanity..."It's your move." Heaven's been leaning over the rails the same way ever since you got here, waiting to see what you'll do with your life." // possibly one of the best books I've ever read. #lovedoes

[wildflowerfairytale]

Tori. I got you this balloon for your birthday. #happybirthday #27 #weresisters 🎈

[wildflowerfairytale]

"You're more fabulous than Condoleeza Rice, Hilary Clinton, Susan B. Anthony and Madeline Albright rolled together!" #happygalentinesday #ladiescelebratingladies #leslieknope #february13 #parksandrec 👭❤️

[wildflowerfairytale]

Can't believe this is our last week together as a staff!! We're so sad @deylove91 is moving to a new school! #thebeststaff #morelikefamily #boysandgirlsclub #rice 😭😭😭

[wildflowerfairytale]

A public apology...

Last August I went to LA. I just got the pictures yesterday, that a friend of mine had taken… Better late than never. I. Love. Them. That trip was really hard but really amazing.

Lately I’ve been struggling with my past. I don’t mean shame or condemnation, I have no problem talking about it or owning up to it. The hard thing has been the weight of those who were in the crosshairs of my self destructive war path. 

You see, a whole lot has changed since I left Atlanta. I’m different. I’m more myself, or the version of myself that I always wanted to be. The version that Lord spoke over me. My heart has changed. I’m no longer the selfish party girl who buries every wound and pretends like it’s not there. I’ve walked through a lot of those things. I’ve had to take responsibility for so many dumb things that I said and did. 

It’s still a process. Everyday for me is a choice. Will I act out of my selfishness or will I walk in who I really am? Sometimes, that’s really hard. But as hard as it is, I like this version of me so much more. 

All of this to say, I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I was a jerk. I’m sorry I clung to the “quick fixes” instead of Jesus. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the best I could be for you. I should have loved you better. I should have been a better friend. I should have been a better student. I should have been a better sister. I should have been a better daughter. 

Forever, I love Atlanta. I have so many great memories from my 4 years there! I met so many amazing people, a lot of people who will be in my life forever. Thank you for loving me at my darkest. Thank you for prayer. Thank you pushing me, for challenging me. (even when it pissed me off) Thank you for not giving up on me.

I am thankful for the grace of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for new beginnings. I’m on the up and up. Everyday I become more of who I want to be. Everyday I become more like Jesus. I’m thankful for this crazy journey. I am thankful for the process. 

Jesus is good. Jesus is kind. Jesus restores. 

[literallysame]

beyoncé 

blew the power out at the superbowl

broke iTunes servers releasing her new album

this is proof that the world honestly cannot handle her

[whatshouldwecallme]

Every time I hear "Christmas Shoes"

[mrslpeach]

i love you so much:

A pretty famous wall on South Congress in Austin. 

Lil’ Mel was the 7th wheel. tee hee

We took black Friday to take my oldest sister to the airport and explore downtown Austin a little bit. I had fun being tourist with my fam-fam.

We ate a Chuy’s

Got coffee from Jo’s 

Dessert at Hey Cupcake

Went to Tyler’s (and got t-shirts)

and walked down South Congress Street

AND did not get our car towed! 

SUCCESS

[mrslpeach]

OOTD - Thanksgiving:

My sisters and accurately displayed our different styles on thanksgiving, and somehow managed to have the same color scheme.

We are good like that.

Kim: The Oldest

She went for the sophisticated fun look, and scored that cranberry blazer for $15 at H&M.

Tori: First Middle Child

She is definitely the most adventurous with her outfits these days. She fearlessly mixes colors and patterns. 

Unfortunately in this picture you can’t see her cheetah print oxfords.

Leann (ME): Second Middle Child  

I wanted to be trendy and comfortable which seems to get more difficult with my growing belly. I hit the maternity jackpot at H&M with these olive cotton pants. 

Favorite part of my outfit was the magical necklace with matching earrings from Sam Moon. It was only $8. 

Melanie: The Youngest

Some people call me a hipster, but Melanie is for sure the definition of a hipster. 

If I wasn’t pregnant I would have stolen that skirt while she was sleeping. 

The Raines Sisters are the hugest fans of clothes and a good deal. We get it from our momma. 

I always like it when we get together and share clothes/shoes and seeing how each sister dresses pieces differently. Meaning we could all share the same shirt or shoes but it would look completely different with each of us. 

Sisters are fun.

[wildflowerfairytale]

Let's be real

LIfe just sucks sometimes. There are moments where I don't even know what I'm doing.

Welcome to the tension of the Christian life. I am incredibly, overwhelmingly blessed. I am in one of the sweetest seasons of my life, but every time I turn the corner, I get hit with another bomb. There have been two deaths in two weeks and I have some close friends under crazy oppression. Spiritually, it's just a lot. Sometimes, it even feels like too much. 

One really great thing I heard recently was, "Jesus wants to know you, not to just fix you."

What a great reminder to be real with Jesus. We have the freedom to be who we really are and say what we are really feeling. We can yell, scream, kick, cuss, and fight if we want to. In life, in the world where we have to interact with other humans, this can get us in trouble sometimes. We seem overly emotional, impulsive, and even weak. 

Here's the awesome part. Jesus is a safe place, and we can take all these things to him and He doesn't get offended. He is a refuge for us! (Psalm 24)

Ref-uge::  A condition of being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger or trouble

We can hide away in Him. We can get it all out. We can fully be ourselves in that moment. Saying, shouting, and crying how we really feel, whether it be good or bad. It's all covered in His grace. 

My favorite part of the process is how the Lord responds. It's never, "watch your tone," or "get it together." Instead, it sounds more like, " I know this hard. I love you so so so much. I'm here. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Tell me everything. My promises are true. I keep my word. It's going to be so worth it. Draw close to me. I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here."

He is so faithful to meet us where we are. To sit with us. To cry with us. to laugh with us. And thank you, Jesus for Your sweet reminders of who we are in You. 

He is the kindest. He is the sweetest. He brings so much comfort. When we are weak, His joy is our strength. 

Be real. Tell Him everything. Hold nothing back. He wants to know every detail of your pain and joy. He can handle it, I promise. With the process comes healing. He is faithful until the very end. 

[wildflowerfairytale]

Apartment 420

Things are awesome. Favor is flowing. I feel loved and valued. I feel whole. I feel overwhelmed by goodness.

Then tragedy hits and I find out my college roommate was found in a creek Tuesday morning. Talk about a bad day. I think that it's easy for me to just be pissed off, and believe me, I am. It's not fair. It doesn't make any sense. The whole situation is messed up. 

And then there is this weird tension of knowing that it's been a over a year since we've talked. My life doesn't stop. How do I mourn and not feel like a shitty person in the midst of it?

All my questions are still unanswered. I just want to be as real as possible through this process. My heart is broken. Times like these, in situations like this, I would self medicate in the past. I would drown all my sadness in a sea of red wine and move forward as if nothing had even happened. That's what I'm trying to avoid here. I'm no longer someone who runs from the hard stuff, but instead walks through them hand in hand with Jesus. 

I want to honor Rebecca. When I refer to her as my roommate, I mean that quite literally. We shared a room, clothes, a bathroom, groceries, secrets, dreams, hard times, and an undying affection for the original british Narnia movies. She was ambitious, driven, and insanely talented and gifted. She was going to change the world through chemistry. She had a huge, compassionate, thoughtful heart. She listened. She could befriend anyone. She accepted everyone. She was a good friend. She celebrated the good stuff and good days and cried with you and would had a beer waiting for you on the bad days. I am so incredibly thankful for Rebecca Greene. I am thankful for her family, who in one way or another, have all played a part in my life. 

More than ever, I'm asking for prayers of comfort and peace for her family and everyone effected by her death. 

Apartment 420 forever. 

[wildflowerfairytale]

Beauty in the details

Let me start with this. Jesus is good and He continually blows my mind.

This smile has been plastered across my face for the past month or so. I'm learning so much about myself lately and the more I learn, the more I grow, and the more I love.

They first step to fixing a problem, is admitting you have a problem. That was my issue in life. I always thought I was doing just fine. BUT I WAS SO UNHAPPY! I just couldn't figure out why. I was in such a deep, dark place that I didn't even believe that Jesus wanted good things for me. I felt completely and utterly doomed to a life of drugs, meaningless sex, and a job that I absolutely hated. I was a hopeless soul wandering around Atlanta in a tattooed shell. I was so angry. I just couldn't figure out why Jesus would give me so many dreams that I wanted to accomplish and then leave me to figure it out on my own. I was hearing and seeing so many stories of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness around me and felt completely left out. 

Here is the good news, Jesus was there every step of the way. Even though I did my best to push Him as far away as possible, He never left. It wasn't that He didn't want good for me, it was that I just refused to listen or look for it. I was wandering through life thinking that because I loved Jesus that He would bless anything I decided I wanted to do. Don't get me wrong. I fully believe that as a follower of Jesus, we walk in favor. But what I'm trying to convey to you that I had seriously overlooked is that the Lord is specific and detailed. Our favor from the Lord is in full force when we step into His will for us. 

With the help of my amazing friend and mentor (I'm a huge advocate for counseling and mentorships), I was able to see the error of my ways. After many hard conversations, stories, frustrations, and tears she helped me to realize that I was acting like a spoiled brat. Instead of asking Jesus what He thought, I was doing what I wanted, and hurting so many people and myself in the process. There is so much grace in Jesus' love. Even though I was being really dumb, He still brought me to the place I needed to be. I'm thankful for tough love and discipline. It's what has led me to these revelations. 

So now what? What do I do with this revelation of how the Lord works? Well, it has been a very humbling experience. It's been a process of asking Jesus why I said yes to things, Him telling me, insecurity being pinpointed, and then a butt load of repentance. Y'all, He is so kind. "It's His kindness that leads us to repentance." That verse is so true. It has been really hard but it has brought me into a new place of intimacy with Jesus that I've always dreamed of. IT'S SO GOOD!

As our father, friend, and teacher, The Lord wants to be involved in every single detail of our lives. Where we live, who our friends are, where we work, what we eat.... The list goes on and on. He is in all of it! 

The really great benefits in my life about asking Jesus what He thinks--

I have an amazing roommate who pushes me spiritually. I can share the secrets of my heart with her and we grow together. It's amazing. 

The Lord provided me with an amazing job where I get to do what I love! I get to work with children everyday and love on them to my hearts content. I am so thankful for The Boys and Girls Club of East Texas. 

All my needs are provided for. Seriously, I couldn't afford groceries this past week and somehow I ate better than I normally do when I have money.

I don't feel confused or unsettled about my future and if I'll actually get to do what I love. 

I'm full of joy and people have noticed it!

The moral of the story and what is now one of my favorite verses:

"Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." 1 Corinthians 10:23

Jesus is good and His promises are true. A lot of awesome opportunities will come your way because people want what is inside of you (Jesus). Learn from my ignorance and ask what Jesus thinks. Things always work out better that way. 

[wildflowerfairytale]

I hope everyone had an amazing Halloween!! Our friends threw a costume party and it was sooo much fun! I went as my favorite childhood character, Max from where the wild things are. I danced, ate way too much, and spent most of my time free styling for people. Yes, I mean I rapped all night with my friends. Word. It's Friday! I move into my new place today and it's beginning of Georgia/Florida weekend! I wish I was in St.Simons but at least I'll be with my parents! I hope everyone has a good, safe weekend!Oh.... And grumpy cat was the costume contest winner. Amazing!!!!

[wildflowerfairytale]

Hello world,

I know that it's been quite some time since I started this journey into the great world of blogging but life has been crazy! So finally, I'm making time to update everyone on the past few weeks! It has been a really great few weeks and I have lots of great things to share.

The 2 biggest things are:

I found a place to live! Actually, it kind of found me! The Lord just kind of dropped it in my lap and I am so very thankful that he did! It is absolutely perfect and exactly what I wanted. Cheers to a new apartment and an amazing roommate!

My amazing and wonderful trip to the amazing cities of Atlanta and Chattanooga--

I had a freaking blast! I got to see all my old friends and spend some really great quality time with most of them! My first night into town, they threw a huge welcome home party for me and we had soooooo much fun! It was like I had never left! They wedding that I was in town for was incredibly beautiful. Many tears of joy were shed. (Congrats Bree and Terrell!) I also had that time to get tattooed. PRAISE HIM YALL! My sleeve is one piece closer to being complete. It's a gorgeous waterfall on my forearm (traditional style). I'm in l-o-v-e! Chattanooga was full of adventure. That's kind of a joke because I didn't do much. It was a wonderful time of rest in one of my most favorite cities with some of my most favorite people. All in all, this trip was a success.

I'm happy to be home in my sweet little town of Tyler, Texas with my God given community. Halloween is 1 day away and my friends are throwing a big party. I can't wait for treats, fellowship, and crazy costumes.

Last but not least, I'd like to brag on the goodness of Jesus for a minute. I was going through my journal the other day and I came across an entry dated May 1st. I read through the tear stained pages and couldn't believe how much I hated myself at the time. I was full of anger and was taking it all out on Jesus. There was an entry a month later that said, “ I have made you. I will carry you. I will sustain you. I will rescue you.” It's one of my favorite scriptures and I must have doodled it on one of the pages as reminder of the Lord's faithfulness. Now, I'm sitting here typing out this post full of hope and love for who the Lord has created me to be. His promises are true. He is good and kind. I am so thankful for the season that I am in. I honored to serve a God who loves me enough to save me from myself.  

[wildflowerfairytale]

Today we celebrate the redeeming power of Jesus Christ. He makes all things new! I've struggled with addiction and depression in my life. I did my best to hide it from everyone but I couldn't hide it from Jesus. He's been with me in every season, every step of the way! I am so thankful for His goodness and desire to give me an abundant life! My amazing friend started an awesome organization called Steal, Kill, and Destroy that helps to spread hope to kids who struggle with the same issues I used to! You should check it out and help spread the word about the amazing work they do! www.stealkillanddestroy.com