A Little Too Drunk Starters:
âOh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!â
âWe watched some horror movie.. I think itâs called, âthe Teletubbies..â?â
âPants are just an illusion.â
âShut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.â
âHey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dogâs cheating on you..â
âHey, the cat crashed your car.â
âI thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isnât, so now we have a bouncy house.â
âItâs not a mattress, itâs my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.â
â[NAME]âs a VIP at that one strip clubâŚ.. Whatâs it called again⌠âGolden Corralâ?â
âI have to tell you a secretâŚâ
âYou think itâs important that I lost my shirt?! You think itâs important?! IâLL TELL YOU WHATâS IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CANâT FUCKINâ TIE HIS SHOES!!!â
âI need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or Iâm fucked.â
âI was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.â
âLook, man, I didnât mean to pee on you.â
âThanks for letting me room with you⌠By the way, vodka makes me gassy.â Â
âYou want to go to Taco Bell?â
âI lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?â
âWow, you look so much better when Iâm drunk. You should try it more often.â
âI CANâT SLEEP WITHOUT A LULLABY!!â
âHello, 911? Are you still awake?â
âJesus told me to do it.â
âIâm really sorry Iâm so creepy everybodyâŚâ
âThis is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.â
âHow many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.â
âHOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SO TALL? WHAT THE FUCK?â
âHamsters have feelings, too..â
âWho convinced me to come here?â
âThe dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.â
âIâLL PROTECT YOU! IâM BATMAN!â
âLook at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, thatâd be cool..â
âYouâre not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..â