*crawling on my hands and knees* YOU THINK I WOULD JUST TAKE THIS LOVELY COMPLIMENT AND NOT FUCK OFF FOR TWO WEEKS BEFORE RETURNING WITH A STORY?! Thatās not how I do things. Apparently. Thank you so much for still being here @sweatywildpanda :,)
NGL I did struggle a bit with this request. It was my first in like a year and I had to get it perfect ya know? I hope it satisfies the angry Daryl that only gets angry because he doesnāt know how to love ā¤ļø
It had taken you a lot of quiet contemplation and reflection before you began to understand why Daryl only ever seemed to get mad. He didnāt get scared, or sad, or hopeful and excited. He got mad. All those years ago when youād first met him, you thought he was just an asshole. Just a junkie, scumbag redneck asshole like his older brother. But maybe it was everybody elseās similar opinion of him they formulated the second they looked at him (you were guilty, too) that made you stop and think that, maybe, there was something deeper in those ocean blue eyes that always seemed to be smoldering with some sort of fury, ready to snap at any second.
No, he was not like Merle. Not at all. Merle didnāt really get too angry, for starters. He liked a challenge. He leapt at an opportunity to prove his dick was bigger than everybody elseās, eager and pugnacious, thick-skinned and apathetic with a smile on his face. When he withdrawaled, that rage ā it was far different than his little brotherās. Merle hated the world and everybody in it, but accepted that long ago, and coped. He made sure he was happy, even at the expense of others. Not Daryl. No, he craved the love and acceptance of others, whether or not he even knew it. And he was fucking angry because, yeah, the world sucked. But Daryl wanted nothing more than to fix it, and have somebody just fucking thank him for it.
:(WHERES THE READMORE? WHY DIDNT IT WORK????):
Daryl is angry because he canāt help. Heās angry, because he thinks he should be better. Stronger. More resourceful. Smarter.
Heās angry because he failed you once, and he will never, ever fucking let that happen again.
He didnāt need to prove to you he wasnāt his brother. Not back then, and not now. Not as Merleās voice echoed through the courtyard as he greeted your friends after so much time apart. Happy to see them, ironically only, though: he fucking won, after all. He survived ā thrived, really ā after theyād abandoned him to die, and now he was back, and he got his baby brother back, too. What more could he need to prove that he was doing just fine in this world?
āWhere are you gonna go?ā You asked Daryl, voice soft and level, already striving to prevent him from erupting and flipping what could very well be your last moments with him into a spitfire argument with nothing but heated exchanges and horrible names spat. āTo Woodbury? You wonātā¦ youāll hate it there, Daryl.ā
But, like he always did when he was trying to keep himself held together at the fraying seams, he chewed on his thumbnail anxiously, and merely shrugged.
āSo youāre just going to give up this ā this home weāve built for ourselves?ā You asked him incredulously. āThe safety and security we finally have?ā
āThis place aināt safe,ā he argued, words sharp, as if that was the issue at hand.
āItās got four walls, a roof, and a barbed wire fence,ā you replied calmly. āItās safer than just living out there. You know that ā we did that.ā
ā ām sure Merle has a plan.ā
āAnd if he doesnāt?ā You chanced a step closer to him and didnāt miss the way he stopped his incessant pacing, freezing in his tracks, and glancing over at you out of his peripheral, watching, waiting for your next move. You felt like you were encroaching a wild animal, waiting to step on a twig and scare him off.
āWeāll figure it out, then.ā
āHeās going to get you killed.ā
Maybe you two had gotten along from the start because itās true when they say opposites attract ā you were always level-headed and calm. You had to be, in the world before this, it was your livelihood. And who would have thought it would have helped you at all in this lifetime? But Daryl went from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye, and all it took was the tiniest shove closer to the cliffs edge before he would leap off furiously to save himself from the hurt of having been pushed by somebody else. It needed to be on his terms, and no one elseās.
āThat aināt your fuckinā problem!ā He rounded on you threateningly, but you didnāt flinch. āMerleās my brother, alright? Heās blood. Thatās all we fuckinā got left anymore. It counts for somethin, donāt it?ā
You shrugged, bones tired and sore, shoving down the familiar feeling of pressure building up behind your eyes and spill out over your cheeks. You might as well have cried gasoline, the way tears did nothing but fuel Darylās fire once it started itās raging path.
āI donāt know if it does, Daryl.ā You were tired. Yeah, you got it. You were an only child, you would have loved a sibling. But at what cost? You envied Beth and Maggie and their relationship; you loved them both separately and you loved them both together. You never once felt anything but disgust toward Merle Dixon. āAt what point does it stop mattering whether or not heās blood, if all he does is torture you and treat you like shit? Youāre loved here, D ā doesnāt that count for something?ā
āWe canāt stay here,ā he told you firmly. āAināt nobody here want his ass around.ā
āDoesnāt that say anything to you?ā Your voice was rising, but not with emotion, not yet. Shock. You knew he was stubborn, but holy fuck. āThat your family here doesnāt trust him?ā
āYāall aināt my family.ā
āThatās bullshit, and you know it. Not after all weāve been through.ā You took another step toward him and kept your words rolling, not giving him a chance to get an argument in edgewise. āIt doesnāt matter that weāre not blood. We want you here. We need you here.ā
āI aināt leaving Merle again,ā Daryl had leveled himself back out slightly, and he wasnāt racing and throwing hands and cursing, but he was worked up, and a year ago, Daryl Dixon would never had worked this hard to keep his emotions in check so he didnāt blow up on somebody he cared for. āYou donāt understand. You aināt listeninā.ā
āI am listening ā ā
āNo, you aināt! Iām leavingā with him so he ā so he fuckinā ā fucks off, and donāt bother anyone here no more!ā
You didnāt say anything back this time, and watched as Daryl turned back away from you, running his hands down his face in exasperation.
āIf he walks away now, there aināt any tellinā what heāll do. We know now ā we know he has a whole god damn city behind him. Theyāre dangerous. Heās dangerous, and Iām not gonna sit by and let him hurt ya again!ā
You shook your head now, control of the situation slipping through your fingers. āThere has to be another way, Daryl. There has to be a way to make sure Merle doesnāt target us anymore!ā
āThere is a way,ā he spat, spinning back toward you and finally, he forced himself to make eye contact with you. It was impeccable timing, as tears welled up in your eyes with the realization that you were not going to win this song and dance with him. āAnd itās him leavinā! And I gotta go with him to make sure he donāt ever come back again. Iām doinā this for you!ā
āThis isnāt about what I want!ā
āNo, itās about what ya need, and what ya need is to fucking be safe. And that wonāt happen with Merle around. Alright? Now fuckinā drop it. Itās done with.ā And in classic Daryl fashion, he turned on his heels and made to storm off, but your heart ached violently with the need to go after him.
āDaryl, please,ā you called after him. āPlease, donāt leave.ā
And your chest fluttered because he did stop walking when youād said that, so you halted, too. And you waited for him to turn around and cave. But all he did was mutter an apology over his shoulder, and continued walking away. From you.
Well, youād be fucking damned if you would like Merle take Daryl away from you. And reasoning didnāt work ā but you had other ideas. Because now, all bets were off.
Because now, you were fucking angry.
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