I don't often talk about cancer anymore, but this morning I feel the need to share. I’m not sure why, or where this is going to go, but I know that I need to sit here and tell what will come. I guess I can simply say that not only did cancer changed my life, but it changed me. How can I differentiate between those two things? I'm not sure except to say, in general terms, that my "life" would be such things as my daily routine, or work, or things that I did on any given day. I changed what I could do and exacted a cost both mentally and physically to survive it (and yes, I said cost). But how it changed me, well, that’s a big ball of shit. After cancer, I found I was a totally new creature living inside an old thing. I had my memories, my personality, my “me,” but me came with a whole new salad dressing. That basic, white girl ranch dressing that I was so used to had been infused with jalapenos. And it was horrifying (I actually love jalapenos. In fact, I make a killer cheddar jalapeno bread). All my yesterdays were gone and there was not one damn thing that I could do to bring them back. I was lost. I tried to fall back into the same routines only I couldn’t. Remember, my “life” had changed. Every time I tried to pick up where I left off before cancer, just simply daily routine things, I found anxiety and panic attacks waiting for me. It was crazy, literally crazy. I was back in the gym, trying to powerlift again, or mess around with strong man, and pop!, injury. I’ve ruined my shoulders, I did my knee, I’ve had hernias, and a plethera of other injuries. Ten surgeries, dry needling sessions, physical rehab, and a shit load of anxiety later, I knew it wasn’t working. My body had been affected by chemo and radiation. My tendons were not elastic, my muscles still, my cartilage was brittle, and the worst of it was my brain. Continued in comments.. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1rxjwEHAYd/?igshid=1xfe88jnvoqwt
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