I want my life to matter.

independent rp blog of CHARLIE MEAD from the following. [sideblog of legacyofinfamy] [selective]

[willalwaysmatter]

Hiatus

// Sorry loves, Charlie is still on hiatus. Dunno if/when he will return. 

[legacyofinfamy]

Hiatus Notice

// Hey friends, as is probably evident by now, I have been MIA for a while. I figured it was time to drop in and give an official hiatus notice, as well as time to explain myself.

Right now I am having a rough time, both professionally and personally- I’m currently fighting to keep my job due to complaints about me missing too much time (due to illness, which does not seem to matter as I currently have no medical explanation for why I am chronically ill). This means keeping perfect time at work whether I am healthy or not (usually not), which has been very exhausting and takes a pretty big toll on me, physically speaking.

Meanwhile, even before this I was in the midst of- well, I’ll just go with the short explanation and say grappling with psychological & emotional issues. As you can imagine, since then it’s been harder to deal with. It’s an uphill battle as many of you are well aware, but I’m doing my best. (actually nice sidenote: this means adopting a dog, which is wonderful, but also time consuming hah)

All in all what this means is that I am exhausted all the time, physically and emotionally, and it is very difficult for me to not only find the time to write but to work up the energy. Energy is a major issue right now. I think I am on the upswing with regards to this, but the only way to know for sure is time. 

Rest assured that I will be back- I’m hoping to return, and with a more stable writing schedule than in the past, by mid-October at the latest- but for now, I need to not have this hanging over me in a guilt-inducing sort of way. I miss you all and I really miss writing (Joe is pissed), but I need time to get my shit in order & manage to do the basics before I can start adding back in the things I love to the schedule. Right now I would not be able to do even the simplest thread justice, and that would not help anyone.

ANYWAY, tl:dr: I am a disaster, but I love you guys and I will return soon. If anyone wants to reach me, I will probably not be on skype but will respond to OOC IMs/emails at [email protected] and at legacyofinfamy on kik.

[legacyofinfamy]

// OK! The month from hell is over! I am here and doin a bit of clean up so I can get back into things before Joe literally kills me. Lemme know if you want to do a thing! 

NOTICE: I am probably gonna just clear out my drafts except for things I know for sure people are still interested in doing. This doesn’t mean I want to drop our threads, just that I am trying to get a fresh start. SO, if I move our thread to “done” status and you are like what the fuck asshole I wasn’t done with you, that’s cool, send me a message or whatever and we can carry on.

Alternatively, if you’d rather start something new, also message me, because that is also cool. 

(PS, hey do you guys remember that time the US legalized gay marriage????? YAYYYY TAX BENEFITS)

[legacyofinfamy]

// still alive, still moving, still will return

[willalwaysmatter]

Breakfast

[antiserxph]

┍

       A N N A B E L  ◌  

         Tap         Tap         Tap         Tap

                Even now that Joe has silenced his muse, put away the laptop and ascended the stairs to sleep, Anna can hear it clattering in her head. The sound of him tapping and clacking away at the keyboard to pour his greatness onto digital pages. Usually it is the sound of genius; tonight it makes her want to stab him.

                It is only natural that the caged bird will one day want to flutter free, not least when that pretty little songbird has experienced the joy of the open world before. The cage is not always so terrible. She few willingly inside, and she twitters prettily for her Master.

                But sometimes, when she watches tv and sees the world outside Havenport, or when she stands at a window in the attic of the house and sees the landscape beyond this tiny little place, she misses the things she has left behind. One day, she knows, she will have more again. But for now she remains where she is, her wings clipped and her eyes fixed firmly on the crumbs they throw her in the bottom of her cage.

                Soon watching Joe’s chest rising and falling loses some of its appeal- at least, it does when she realises just how thirsty she is, having kept away from the kitchen throughout the rest of the day. Without disturbing him she slips from the bed and makes her sleepy way downstairs, a ghost in the silent house. 

                Once she reaches the lower level she can hear some faint noise coming from a room nearby, just off of Joe’s study, where the cables and wires and components of their safety net buzz and click. Someone has the news on in there, albeit quietly so, and she manages to make her way to the kitchen unnoticed, without a sound, without disturbance or interruption.

                As she settles, a coffee in her hands, at the counter where she had sat the previous night and sipped wine whilst listening to her Master’s grumblings- Ryan fucking Hardy was always on their minds, it seemed. Lost in her thoughts, Charlie’s appearance is a surprise.

                “It doesn’t matter,” she replies with that usual sweetness, the seemingly innocent smile that crosses her lips out of habit, although her eyes are focused elsewhere. “You’re not disturbing anything.”

                                                                                                             A N N A B E L      ℒ E E

                                                                                                                   ┙

[willalwaysmatter]

Even reassured, Charlie visibly hesitates in the doorway, clearly not wanting to disturb her. He's not shy so much as guarded, more adept at keeping to himself than socializing- but he is wary of certain people. After all, this isn't just anyone- this is Anna, Joe's favorite, which by extension makes her important. And even that aside, she's both very lovely and kind- at least to the people here- an added obstacle, in terms of approachability.

Ultimately, though, hunger wins out over his desire to keep away from any unwarranted socializing, and Charlie nods, making his way towards the fridge to begin methodically collecting ingredients for his own sandwich.

He makes his way carefully around the kitchen, doing his best to be as unobtrusive as possible, before it occurs to him- very late- that she might also want something to eat. "Do you want a sandwich?"

[willalwaysmatter]

Plans

[erratic-lenore-deactivated20160]

It was lonely for Sarah in the house, watching her enemies glare at her while her gal pal tried to swoon their serial killer overlord wasn’t something Sarah was going to idly sit by and watch; which was probably why as soon as her proclaimed ‘bestie’ walked through the front door, she latched on to him like a leech looking for a good source. To her, Charlie was an old soul who kept to himself–which was probably why Sarah loved being around him so much; watching him tap away on his computer soothed her trouble mind as she complained and questioned the upcoming plan.

“I’m not arguing! I’m just venting!” she proclaimed to him “Besides, you’re probably the only one who listens, everybody else is too busy trying to sleep with each other.” she admitted softly to him.

Sarah smiled as Charlie went on, though she couldn’t help but be irritated that Charlie not once turned to look at her for the conversation. “And could you, for once, just look at me when you’re talking? I bet you always looked at Claire when she said something…” she snarked, almost acting like a child wanting attention as she pouted at Charlie. She wanted nothing more than for Charlie to let loose with her, but she knew his back story and his character–she knew that nut wouldn’t crack for anything…even his crush on Claire Matthews that only she knew about couldn’t put a dent in the guarded man.

“I missed you.” she admitted after realizing she had gone silent for a moment, looking down at her hands

[willalwaysmatter]

Where someone else might either turn towards her in irritation for her comment about Claire (truth be told, it was irritating, that his feelings for Claire were so obvious, but that was between him and Joe more than anyone else, and Charlie was never inappropriate, so he wouldn't rise the bait), or even sigh and give in after her admission, Charlie didn't turn to look at Sarah. At least not until he had found a good stopping point in what he'd been working on and, giving up on getting anything done right now as a lost cause, his fingers gradually slowed and he finally turned to look up at Sarah. The silence had stretched on by this point, but that wasn't uncommon, not with Charlie- or even, sometimes, with Sarah. She was naturally a lot more talkative than Charlie ever was or could be, but she also was one of the very few people- even here- who knew how to sit in silence, and was content to do so in his presence without expecting much from him. In fact, she rarely expected much from him at all, even in conversation. It was easy to excuse her outburst (even about Claire) when he knew it was just a function of her annoyance at the situation in general, and in the face of her honest admission of... well, affection, Charlie guessed. It was odd, really, even now, for something like that to be expressed to- about- him. He knew, intellectually, that Sarah liked him; she called him her friend all the time. But knowing that and seeing it were two very different things, and Charlie was always slightly surprised by it, which really didn't help in terms of his response time, to be honest. Fortunately, Sarah didn't expect any returning acts of affection from Charlie, because he really preferred not to get involved in any of... that. Friends, enemies, all of it, was a distraction, and he hated distractions. Yet another reason to be annoyed at the mention of Claire. "I'm here now," he said, matter-of-factly, as though that could wipe clean all the time he was gone, make it inconsequential now that it was over. Maybe for him, it did. "Emma listens to you."

[willalwaysmatter]

admission

iamnxteveryone

If it were up to Charlie, he wouldn't bring up the fact that he spent years watching over Claire and Joey while Emma lived with them, unaware of his presence. Then again, if it were up to Charlie, he wouldn't bring up anything at all, with pretty much anyone, almost ever. Generally, Charlie was much more interested in doing than in talking, and even then, he preferred to fly under the radar, rarely seeking recognition for any of his efforts. Here, of course, it was a little different; here, he wanted to do right, not just by his own standards, but by Joe's. And that, unfortunately, often meant it had to be extended to other people, as well. Not that he disliked anyone who was working with Joe; in fact, his usual neutral stance on most people tended to tick up towards mild acceptance and even something like approval for people when he found out they were associated with what Joe was doing. What they were doing. It was a chance to be a part of something, and Charlie liked that as much as he had back in the army. It was enough to help him work past his natural reticence, when he had to. Now was apparently one of those times, and as much as he didn't want to get into a conversation, Charlie didn't bother beating around the bush. Best to just approach things head-on, which is exactly what he did, both figuratively and literally- finding Emma alone for the moment and approaching with the clear intent to start a discussion. "Joe thought it would be best you hear from me that I was the one watching over Claire and Joey while you lived with them." Hopefully that’ll be all there is to it- a frank admission of something he has no need to feel guilty for.

[willalwaysmatter]

Hovering

agent-mika-weston

“Are you here for a reason, or are you planning to hover in the doorway forever?” Charlie didn’t even bother to look up from the monitor, continuing to type- he had work to do, and if she wasn’t going to give him a purpose, he wasn’t going to give her his attention. He didn’t exactly care that she was there, but it did have the potential to eventually become pretty annoying.

[willalwaysmatter]

Breakfast

antiserxph

It was rare for everyone in the house to be asleep at once, even in the middle of the night; not exactly surprising, considering the nature of the people who lived or stayed there. Not to mention the need for security, although at this point it was fairly passive. They weren’t on high alert- not yet. Usually, the cameras were enough, as long as someone was around to keep an eye on them.

That wasn’t Charlie’s job- not tonight, anyway- and he was really hoping that despite the late hour (a little past three), he wouldn’t run into anyone. Or at very least not anyone who was interested in a conversation. All he wanted was to get something to eat and get back to work.

He took his work very seriously.

Unfortunately, his plans immediately fell through; the moment he stepped into the kitchen it was clear he wasn’t going to get his wish. Which would be why Charlie halted in the middle of the doorway, seriously considering turning around and walking away rather than having to deal with someone. Of course she chose that moment to look up. “Sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

[legacyofinfamy]

// Hey sorry friends I was exhausted yesterday for some reason, I will be back hopefully tonight to finally get some stuff done for Charlie and to the last of the stuff I’ve owed forever. yay!

[willalwaysmatter]

Plans

erratic-lenore

Most days at the house, it was clearly a fantasy to expect everything to go smoothly. Or to be left alone to do his work in peace for more than a couple of minutes at a time. That was why, in general, Charlie really preferred to work elsewhere- he was more productive when left alone. But some things did require him to be there in person, and he did appreciate the camaraderie. That was why they were all here, after all: a sense of belonging, of purpose. Charlie was no different. Just particular about doing his job, and doing it well. Which was particularly difficult when Sarah parked herself directly next to his monitor and decided that arguing with him about the plan was better than arguing with Emma or Roderick- both absent, of course. Not that that would have had much bearing on Sarah's choice of... arguee. Because contrary to most peoples' conclusions about Charlie, Sarah seemed to find him approachable, a fact that confused and irritated Charlie in turn. "I don't know what you think arguing is going to accomplish." He finally broke down and responded, which Sarah obviously knew he would do if she talked at him long enough. He didn't really mind proving her right so much as he minded not being able to focus on his work; his eyes never left the screen in front of him even as he engaged Sarah. "It's the plan. It's already in motion."

[willalwaysmatter]

// Like for a starter if you’re a mutual on legacyofinfamy. 

[kingxfmischief]

Send me a ☻ for me to post a starter using a line of the song I'm currently listening to.

[willalwaysmatter]

“How many people have you killed?” “Nine, sir. three terrorists, two Iraqi soldiers, and four others.” “And the other four, who were they?” “People I wanted dead, sir.”

[fuckingyeahtomlipinski]

Tom Lipinski as Charlie Mead | The Following 1x08