I titled it after I wrote it and I'm scared to go back and re-read it.
"That evening Jesus’ disciples went down to the shore to wait for him. But as darkness fell and Jesus still hadn’t come back, they got into the boat and headed across the lake toward Capernaum. Soon a gale swept down upon them, and the sea grew very rough. They had rowed three or four miles when suddenly they saw Jesus walking on the water toward the boat. They were terrified, but he called out to them, “Don’t be afraid. I am here! ” Then they were eager to let him in the boat, and immediately they arrived at their destination!" John 6:16-21 I can't begin to describe the countless number of sermons I've heard preached from these verses. It's so easy to start here and give a message of miracle, this passage is literally titled "Jesus Walks On Water." Today, so many jokes of people and their imperfections directly compared to the miracle of Jesus' walking on water. It all stems from this passage. But tonight, I've felt a bit different reading this. While I'm not sitting here lacking praise, I re-read the 5 verses almost 5 times. Each time, more mad than before because it just didn't feel like enough. How could Jesus be so content to get in the boat after they don't even recognize Him. These 12 men have walked closely and personally with Him for long enough that the initial feeling upon seeing Him shouldn't be the same that's associated with a ghost sighting. I think the passage that strikes my heart most deeply is verse 17. "But as darkness fell and Jesus still hadn’t come back, they got into the boat and headed across the lake toward Capernaum." This verse here, describes the prayer life of the westernized world. "God, I'll pray, but if you don't respond HOW I want and WHEN I want, then I'll manufacture my own answer." "Jesus, we'll wait for you, until we grow tired and it gets dark..." Immediately after Jesus gets in the boat, the waves calm and boat docks. The prayer is answered. I'm sure that, even though it wasn't mentioned, these 12 men were praying. In all the versions I've heard of this story, the details of this boat ride are rough. Middle of the night, dead middle between starting point and destination, the worst of the worst weather, physically fatigued from the rowing and now there's a ghost in the water walking toward them. Except its not a ghost, but He can't be seen because of their small faith and inability to, literally and metaphorically, WAIT ON THE LORD. It take His speaking TO them, His authority to calm the seas and their hearts for them to understand what's happened. This is where I'm going, I've built it up enough. We daily encounter the opportunity to answer our own prayer, to be our own salvation, to forget the face of Jesus and attempt being our own God. We do it in the church, we do it in our relationships, we do it in our jobs and its the very reason why all of it has failed. We believe that the relying on of someone or something else is weak, due to what culture has taught us, but for some reason we can't grab ahold of the fact that God has made us weak so that we would lean on Him. If we didn't need His salvation, we would've saved ourselves long ago. My desire isn't to yell at you through your computer, its to bring honesty to both of us. I fail at being my own God, because Jesus is a better God than I am. I fail in all aspects of my life, but Jesus is better than I am and He stills wants me. He stills wants you and I'm praying that today is the day we'll surrender it all to Him. The fear that prohibits us, the control we think is helping us, the life we think is ours. I praying its all His and that we'd finally see the most scandalous and beautiful romance lay out before us.
