elegant goat. it has a tattoo that says 'yolo'.

Each day, eat a pound of herbicides and eat more carrot. Attend parties more often.

[dark-astrology-deactivated20180]

THE TWO TYPES OF EACH SIGN

Aries Type One: Super aggressive, loud, will literally fight everything

Aries Type Two: Cute little sunshines but can probably kill you w their bare hands

Taurus Type One: Lazy couch potato

Taurus Type Two: Actually Aphrodite the goddess

Gemini Type One: Two-faced serial killers

Gemini Type Two: Mood-swingy sad human bean

Cancer Type One: Really overprotective and cries a lot

Cancer Type Two: Super sassy and has never cried in their life

Leo Type One: Super self absorbed and obnoxious

Leo Type Two: A lil insecure but still prideful, pretty chill and funny

Virgo Type One: Super Organized and germaphobe

Virgo Type Two: “Bruh have you seen my bed?”

Libra Type One: Social butterfly and hella fashionable

Libra Type Two: Netflix Hoe

Scorpio Type One: Super sexy and evil emotional wRECK

Scorpio Type Two: Funny and sarcastic assholes

Sagittarius Type One: Such travel, much heroin, very wisdom

Sagittarius Type Two: Personification of doge meme

Capricorn Type One: Workaholic and conservative Republican asshat

Capricorn Type Two: Has never done an assignment, ever

Aquarius Type One: God

Aquarius Type Two: Alien

Pisces Type One: Crybaby and sensitive

Pisces Type Two: Stoner and never talks about their feels

[honeybrowns]

me: *goes to the ocean* me: *grabs a shark* shark: :O

[currently841pm]

[turkey-vulture]

*blows a kiss at the ocean (for the sharks)*

[shitthesignssay]

Tasks Your Sign Always Seems to Get Stuck With

Aries- Confronting someone nobody else wants to

Taurus- Being the rock everyone depends on

Gemini- Making phone calls for other people

Cancer- Taking care of any kids around

Leo- Standing up for people who won’t/can’t

Virgo- Driving people around

Libra- Sugarcoating others criticism/talking someone down

Scorpio- Being the secret keeper for everyone and their friggen mom

Sagittarius- Constantly coming up with all the “fun” ideas for everyone

Capricorn- Renegotiating internet/tv bills

Aquarius- Answering phone calls in the middle of the night with questions about life because people just assume you’re into having an existential crisis forever

Pisces- Listening to people’s problems (at length, without being asked)

[eatsleepcrap]

too many egg puns, too little time

now i need a boyfriend to give these to

[thedailyzodiac]

how the zodiacs died

Aries: run over by an icecream truck

Taurus: microwave explosion

Gemini: they can’t die because they already sold their soul to satan

Cancer: got trampled by a herd of cats

Leo: “no mum i don’t need your help i can learn how to drive on my own”

Virgo: crushed by a statue 

Libra: loneliness 

Scorpio: drowned in pussy

Sagittarius: stabbed in the back for being a BITCH

Capricorn: failed a test at school

Aquarius: got locked in a freezer 

Pisces: forgot how to breathe

[williamnooo]

zodiac dancing styles

Aries: twerk it

Taurus: soft groovin

Gemini: how about no

Cancer: white dad at a barbecue

Leo: they think they're great... Shh

Virgo: nah

Libra: grinding all the way

Scorpio: my eyes are burning

Sagittarius: stripper who's rent is due tomorrow

Capricorn: no

Aquarius: look like they're being electrocuted

Pisces: they think they can twerk

[kittiezandtittiez]

[spooxs]

i can honestly say this is the best purchase i have ever done

[williamnooo]

Morning Beauties vs Morning Beasts

Stretches to the sound of birds chirping, broad smile on their face: Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Aquarius

Will probably kill you. Violently. With an alarm clock, eyes still closed: Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces, Libra, Sagittarius

[cloudyastrology]

THE SIGNS AND THEIR INNOCENCE LEVELS

Seems innocent, but isn’t innocent: Taurus; Gemini; Cancer; Sagittarius; Libra

Seems innocent and is innocent: Virgo; Capricorn; Aquarius; Pisces

Don’t seem innocent and isn’t innocent: Leo; Scorpio

Don’t seem innocent, but is innocent: Aries

[zodiac--signs]

the "accidental five hour nap" squad

taurus, cancer, libra, pisces, leo, scorpio

[positivedoodles]

[coneboyofficial-deactivated2018]

IM FUCKING CRYING I’M AT WALMART AND LOOK AT THIS HORRIFYING THING WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MAKE A THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE PIGGY BANK THAT’S STILL SHAPED LIKE A PIG I’M LOSING IT FUCKING LOOK AT THIS NIGHTMARE SPAWN

[williamnooo]

The Signs as Typical Fairy Tale Characters

Princess: Libra,Capricorn

Heroine: Aquarius, Sagittarius

Evil Queen: Scorpio,Virgo,Aries

Animal companion they pick up along the way: Cancer,Pisces,Taurus

Prince/Dream Guy: Leo,Gemini

[williamnooo]

LAB PARTNER SQUADS

Is actually Bill Nye: Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius

Wait what???: Leo, Libra, Pisces

I just want a good grade: Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn

"Accidentally" blows up school: Aries, Scorpio, Sagittarius