Protecting Real Submissives
I don’t know if this can be quantified but I’ve often thought it extremely important that the community come to the rescue of submissives with education and support. I’m a natural submissive and I now understand it’s a beautiful quality to have. I’m the caring loving pleaser and I’ll do anything for my dominant partner. But that can go wrong on so many levels for so many reasons. We are so vulnerable to real abuse that can be life-changing. Abuse that’s not a game or a fantasy. I’m HIV+ and I am because I a Dom took advantage of my submissive nature. As a submissive it’s counterintuitive to call the shots or make demands. You try politely but my submissive nature is true and honest it’s not a fantasy. It’s hard for me to disappoint a dominant man and I want to think he wouldn’t hurt me. But you see the posts and the fantasies on Tumblr focused on abuse. Real abuse of humans. Not fantasies but real abuse. It’s also very confusing as a submissive because we see these messages and as true submissives we let ourselves fall victim to thinking this is our lot in life and the actions prey on our core need to please a dominant man at any cost. I’m not a victim but becoming HIV+ was hard on me. I am a sweet nice submissive. I protected myself until I didn’t because I was pleasing a dominant man and I have to live with that decision. And then as an HIV+ submissive my self-esteem plummeted and I really started to let men abuse me and take even more advantage of me. As a sweet beautiful submissive, I had no understanding of my real value and it seemed there were no real dominant men around to help me understand that. And no education out there to help me understand it on my own. All this discourages a real submissive to enjoy the life he wants to as a submissive because it often results in abuse and lowered self esteem and real problems. When will the dominant men stand up and know they must help to protect and respect beautiful loving pleasing submissives like me. I’m not asking for control. But there are real negative consequences to the mixing of sub fetishes vs real sub living. It can’t all fall on the subs shoulders because we give up power and struggle to protect ourselves when we’re expected to listen and obey. Doms need to understand the power they have and help promote a positive use of that power. Thanks for breaking the cycles of abuse with your blog.
In the submissive’s role is to serve it’s the Dominant’s role to lead and protect. So few ‘Dom’ guys get this because our view of Doms these days comes from porn, not real people. The Doms in porn are lazy, self entitled and abusive.
As a sub you need to ask yourself if you are obeying your Dom because you trust him or because you want to please him. Trust deepens over time, if you don’t trust your Dom to protect you in a certain situation you are not ready to do it. Naturally your Dom will be pushing you, but it is his responsibility to convince you that he can protect you before you move into a new space in the relationship.
💞💓💗so important to know all this. You can easily be convinced to do something you later regret as a sub because of al postings and suggestive ideas about Ds but: never let go of your standards. Ds is about respect never forget respect yourself, but embrace your submissive role.
I do hope your are doing better now. Hiv is my biggest fear in live too.
So frequently, as a Dom, I find boys that have been abused and many of them have become poz because the wannabe that converted him didnt respect the boy giving himself and the wannabe didnt respect himself enough in the position of Dom. At no time, does Dom equal disrespect. Anytime a boy doesnt feel that a Dom respects himself to be the best that a sub should want, I say that the boy exercise his RIGHT to walk away. And hopefully he realizes it before that wannabe has harmed him
When you boys come to me and say “no limits” like it’s a good thing? You’re setting yourself up for abuse. I think at this point EVERY submissive I’ve ever asked has had some examples of bad dominants and not all of them were as bad as this. I know the fantasy all too well, but i can only act out the fantasy once i know your limits and I’ve established what i need to know for your safety. I wish i could say i was not exceptional when i look out for boys who serve me. I am saddened to say i cannot. Watch yourself and come to me if you have any questions about whether a dominant is behaving appropriately. I can help you formulate an approach if he isn’t.
This is a very important discussion. If you’ve been following me for a while you know my position on this: Dominants have responsibilities to their submissives. Any good leader knows he must ensure the welfare of those he leads and this extends into the home and the bedroom. We teach children to take care of their toys. A full grown adult male Dominant should be able to do the same with his.
I am sharing this not only because the message is important but also the responses. The Daddies and Doms chime in to make it clear: this is not how it’s supposed to be and I agree with both post and replies. Heed these words.
So much wisdom here y’all.
Subs. You must not be naive. You must not act in a submissive way just to fulfill the pleasure of serving a man without trust. You must not put your trust into someone too quickly. Abuse in the kink community is real for subs. Young subs, you may not listen to the wisdom of this post but I guarantee that there are men who will hurt you if you give them the chance. Whether that abuse is psychological, emotional, physical, sexual, or any combination there of it is not kink. Abuse is NOT kink. You have an obligation to yourself to protect your raw unabashed desire to submit. Abuse can change the way you interact in kink. Honestly, it can make you give up on the community all together. For me, it took 2+ years of processing and nearly no sex to come to terms with the fact that I can be a sub again and that not all men will try to hurt me.
For those who have dealt with abuse, I’m sorry. I love you. You are strong resilient beings. I wish you healing and a future of mutual respect with a true Dominant.
This is so incredibly important for kinksters to read. I know a boy who was sent to the ER and almost didn’t survive because the dom he was playing with was wildly irresponsible about anal play. I know another who was flat-out raped (not ‘play’ rape) by the first dom he met. And I’ve heard horror stories from others online.
Doms, remember the Spider-Man Rule. With great power comes great responsibility. The more power a dom has over his boy, the more responsibility he has to make sure the boy is not harmed by what he does.
Subs, I know it’s hard saying no to a dom, especially when you’re a novice and the need to please is intense. But you have to protect yourself until you find a dom who demonstrates he’s worthy of the trust and power you’re giving him.
