Musings of a Motley Menagerie @willowsworld13 - Tumblr Blog

Orphan

I don't know where to begin- with the end I want to forget...I just want to hear her on the other line smiling as I share my day...really the only one that cared what my day was like. Insert expletives but don't write them because that would be wrong. If she only knew all the wrong but what if she does now. I still feel she would love me. Did I fail her at the end ? I don't know- I know it was crazy hard by myself trying to make her comfy. She smiled at me that last day- that sweet 'I'm so glad you're here smile' just for me. We had no idea what the night would bring , the morning would take her away. The sun has gone out and I feel like nothing much matters anymore- forgive me furry ones- you do matter, you are my world. I feel abandoned by the sweetness of T at the moment, maybe it will get better- I must not be a girl- wishing for love and hugs- just hugs would be so comforting but it is better to learn to live without them because eventually they will end like everything - or does it?

A Child of my Own ~ch. 1

The first day of school...anxious mothers leaving their toddlers with me...a stranger. I'm often asked the question: do you have kids? They mean my own biological child but I hesitate to say no...its not just the twenty+ years of experience I have working with kids, it's not just the months of being a mentor for a child beginning to slip into the dark, bottomless crevices of the foster care system...I guess it's my interpretation of the question. Ten years ago it became the teacher of a 4 year old little girl who was found with her sister living in a car. My first day as her teacher, she crawled into my lap and called me 'mom' despite my half-hearted protests. Long story short, I did everything possible to try to adopt her and her sister. In the end, I was the wrong color... Because *Zariyah and *Nikki's skin was the color of caramel coffee, and their cultural heritage did not look like mine on the outside...I understood, and hoped they were given a family far better than what my ex and I could have given them. I distracted myself by moving forward with becoming a foster parent...there was a good chance that a child would enter my home that needed to know they could call always call it THEIR home. *not their real names