so i live pretty far way from anyone i care to spill myself off to nowadays, and i feel like such a burden towards those i end up letting my problems off to over the phone since it feels like ts all i got to throw their way majority of the time, just complaints
sso like im pretty fed up with my living situation and have been in this sort of awkeard position to maintain my housing place since its hard enough balancing working like a slave an then taking the extra time to move around (esp without car). ive been living with a famly friend (brother’s old friend) snce last august and learned i live a completely opposite lifestyle (like to be outside, keep orderly, mediate situations calm, never impulsive/explosive) than the couple ive moved here to exist with + two pets they give half a shit about. theyre a very unstable couple with immense trust issues, exttremely codependent and fucking unkept people. we live in a twos tory house in which theyve dedicated our guest and living rooms into their clothes piles. laundry room is always full of dirty, moldy clothes. the den or common area we’re supposed to share- they trash it withni a day of cleaning by throwing their trash straight on the ground, leaving dishes on every mother fucking flat surface.
Theyre always on about something. we pay rent in thirds despite keeping my own personal belongings in one kept space (tired of losing shit in their own mess) when I make/buy food they feel entitled to it all because of that first 1.5/7 months I couldnt afford to feed myself so they offered me their eftovers, in which they never cook for themselves so they rare. but the fuckin second i grab as little as a slice of bread, or do a suprise clean I get grilled in two directions about how i misplaced that, or should have asked before i ate this. i cant have company over without them talking out they neck about some slight error in the way they came in, or fucking something. i cant get into my own fun with vice without being remided of the time I had them share their liquor, or pass the blunt off to me in rotation, or tabs or blow or whatev. its just different when they offer versus when I do, like it was always expected that I give and give but never, ever the other way around
I feel as though i left my home and comfortable lifestyle around my frends and family to compromise my own morals and beliefs to cater towards a grown as fuck adult with all these unmended character flaws and superficial issue, and his girlfriend and dogs. like i came here to shorten my fuse and and get taken advantage of. I try and rely on the idea that we were once really close- to the point that I wished to emulate this idea of a character that wasn’t ever actually there to begin with. I came here expecting this elevated and flourishing lifestyle with someone I thought would have my back, only to second guess my own personally impulsive decision. guess you can say im eating my mistakes, but i know whenever i decide to break this cycle- and i hope it soon- i will be much more relieved, positively refreshed, optimistic, and very much so satisfied with the new world i surround myelf with each day. I’ve met strangers here that have shown me much more compassion in a literal minute than I have in the duration of time spent in this shithole housing situation with these two individuals. I’ll always have love and respect for the lengths theyve gone for me here, but I crave peace and unity with the deal and unfortunately that doesnt come with the package here.
gamechangershow
origamiaround
amandla
theartofmadeline
