Hi! This might be odd, but as someone who’s never kissed anyone, how do I describe it? 😅 and what makes someone a ‘good’ kisser? What words do I use?
Hi! Not an odd question at all :)
Here's an excerpt from a previous post I made:
Some Physiological Reactions to a Kiss
Pulse and blood pressure increase
Rational thought retreats, as desire suppresses both prudence and self-consciousness
The brain goes into overdrive during the all-important kiss. It dedicates a disproportionate amount of space to the sensation of the lips in comparison to much larger body parts.
During a kiss, this lip sensitivity causes our brain to create a chemical cocktail that can give us a natural high. This cocktail is made up of 3 chemicals, all designed to make us feel good and crave more: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. Like any cocktail, this one has an array of side-effects.
The combination of these 3 chemicals work by lighting up the 'pleasure centres' in our brain. The dopamine released during a kiss can stimulate the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. As a result, we experience feelings of euphoria and addictive behaviour.
Oxytocin fosters feelings of affection and attachment. This is the same hormone that is released during childbirth and breastfeeding.
Finally, the levels of serotonin present in the brain whilst kissing look a lot like those of someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
No wonder the memory of a good kiss can stay with us for years.
I would recommend going through the sources in that post if you need more information.
But the same reactions to kissing described above won't be experienced when kissing someone you love vs. someone you don't.
And still, reactions would vary from one person to another.
So explore your specific characters' feelings toward, and thoughts about, who they're kissing.
Also consider your character's relationship with intimacy itself. Because kissing is quite an intimate experience. Consider your character's backstory. What are details there that could guide you in writing how they would typically act in intimate moments? Would they have negative or positive feelings/thoughts/experiences during intimate moments? Are they more bashful? Would they be repelled? Are they less inhibited?
And even more questions need to be asked regarding the context surrounding the scene in particular. Answer the whys, where, and when, not just the how.
Additional articles on the science of kissing: 1 2 3
It seems you're inquiring about a romantic kiss, so I'll just include a few romantic types here (but there are 20 types of kissing according to Relationship & Sex Therapists and Experts)
French kiss - also known as a makeout; write about a mix of open-mouth kissing and tongue
Neck kiss - since the neck is a vulnerable part of the body, exposing it is generally a sign of flirtation or comfort, according to body language expert Blanca Cobb, M.S. Going in for a few neck kisses in the middle of a makeout session can be super erotic. Brown-James recommends kissing the nape of the neck as well as the sides of the neck.
Bite kiss - take the phrase "bite" very lightly here—in fact, consider it more of a nibble to start. If you want to make your French kiss a bit more interesting, consider gently biting your partner's lip or lightly tugging it with your teeth. Just try not to break skin, unless they're into that.
Body kiss - a way to make your makeout session more intimate or erotic, or it can be a form of foreplay. "You can kiss various body parts like earlobes, sides of necks, insides of wrists, and other hot spots, where blood flow is close to the surface of the skin," Brown-James says. "This would include places like the butt crease, inner wrist, nape of the neck, inner arm and armpit, and even the popliteal (back of the knee)."
Single lip kiss - a little more sensual than a peck since the mouth is slightly open. This is a good intro to a French kiss, where one partner kisses the other's bottom lip while the other kisses the top lip.
The experts also give tips on kissing, which you could incorporate in your writing:
The first step to a good kiss is asking consent, Brown-James says. "Along with consent, hydrating is key so that you're not dry-mouthed," she adds.
Once you go in for the kiss, she recommends starting off slowly. Too much too soon can be overwhelming, but creating some sexual tension with a slow buildup can make the experience all the more pleasurable.
Don't just use your lips, either—get the whole body involved. For a peck, that could mean lightly holding the person's cheek or putting your hands around their waist. For a steamier Frenching session, Brown-James says to let the hands roam and allow the bodies to melt into each other.
This depends on your character's preference and the quality of their relationship with the character they're sharing this intimate moment with.
As the experts state: "Kissing can be seriously fun if you're with the right person and you both know what you're doing. It increases feelings of closeness and improves sexual wellness, no matter the type of kiss."
You can read more tips and techniques provided by experts here to guide you in writing the physical aspects of a kiss.
But, similar to writing any other scene, don't just focus on what is happening externally. Consider going into detail about what is happening for your character internally (how they feel, what they are thinking...). Ask yourself how important this scene really is to your overall story, the purpose/s that it serves, and this could help you in determining factors such as how lengthy the scene needs to be, how much detail you would include etc. If you want a template on writing a scene, you can scroll down this post for a scene-by-scene guide using the 3-act structure, but you can always edit the template to better suit your writing style.
Consider writing about the lead up to the kiss, and the aftermath as well.
Here's another article on kissing tips. And more details on French Kissing.
Some Related Words: osculation, peck, pucker up, smack, smooch
This depends on the tone and the mood of your scene, or even your entire story. What are you trying to convey and evoke?
Some words might be too formal or over-complicated, and thus, could be too distracting for your readers. Rather than being able to focus on what's happening in the scene and how your characters are developing, or how the plot is moving forward, your reader might not become immersed in your scene if you use the wrong words (i.e., if they sound clunky/awkward, or too humourous, or just generally unsuitable considering the context of your scene).
Sometimes the most simple, straightforward words could be the best ones.
How do Other Authors Write Kissing Scenes?
Lastly, read excerpts of kissing scenes in your favourite books or maybe some famous literary works. Learn from how other authors write their kissing scenes. Here are some examples:
Then came the most exquisite moment of her whole life passing a stone urn with flowers in it. Sally stopped; picked a flower; kissed her on the lips. The whole world might have turned upside down! The others disappeared; there she was alone with Sally. And she felt that she had been given a present, wrapped up, and told just to keep it, not to look at it — a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling! —VIRGINIA WOOLF, Mrs. Dalloway
His heart beat faster and faster as Daisy’s white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete. —F. SCOTT FITZGERALD, The Great Gatsby
She drew him toward her with her eyes, he inclined his face toward hers and lay his mouth on her mouth, which was like a freshly split-open fig. For a long time he kissed Kamala, and Siddhartha was filled with deep astonishment as she taught him how wise she was, how she ruled him, put him off, lured him back… each one different from the other, still awaiting him. Breathing deeply, he remained standing and at this moment he was like a child astonished by the abundance of knowledge and things worth learning opening up before his eyes. —HERMANN HESSE, Siddharta
More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Love ⚜ Kinds of Love
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