Legally Borderline

Where my mind wanders, searching, planning on how, when, will i end my life. Maybe i'm too scared. I don't deserve to live and heaven wasn't for me from the start. Diagnosed with MDD (12/7) Dysthymia (19/7) Borderline Personality Disorder (2/8) Bulimia Nervosa (23/12) stay safe & stay alive.

[bled]

via weheartit

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[weeatpoetry]

Submitted! : Tyre the Night by Noor Diyanah

We get out of bed

Upon turning the

pages;

Braiding the verses of

our fate.

Dramatic cherry red;

Yonder bloodshed worn

stages;

Remains the

melancholic strait.

Tween dog and wolf;

Devoured by Dark Ages

We crawl to grief

rising to bait.

‘Tween dog and wolf;

We wait.

Ms. Sheena: I am speechless. I wish we have more time to explore those hidden jewels in your heads, students of ENGL 1515!

[weeatpoetry]

Shared! : Diyanah's Analysis of Mad Girl's Love Song

I am pretty sure that this poem means something else. But this is how I see it:  

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; means the persona is shutting herself from reality. The world is referring to the reality. She is escaping from reality by shutting her eyes. I lift my lids and all is born again. means the persona is back to reality. The persona opened her eyes and everything is back to where it is. She is no longer distorting reality. (I think I made you up inside my head.) means the persona imagined herself as someone sane. The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, means the persona is hallucinating. The stars look as though they are dancing.And arbitrary blackness gallops in: means the persona is depressed. Arbitrary means having unlimited power. Arbitrary darkness means her emotions are controlling her. Gallops means fast. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. means the persona is shutting herself from reality again. I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed means the persona wishes that she could allure herself to a marital relationship. And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. means she imagines someone dreamily romantic. (I think I made you up inside my head.) means she is imagining herself being sane again. God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade: means she does not care about god. In her head, god is as if falling forward and the fires of hell is as though being extinguished. Exit seraphim and Satan’s men: means she does not care about Satan either. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. means the persona is shutting herself from reality again. I fancied you’d return the way you said, means she is imagining she would return the way she was. But I grow old and I forget your name. means she could never control her life. Grow old depicts the time that passed and since she has been shutting herself from reality for so long, she does not remember her sanity. (I think I made you up inside my head.) means she imagined herself being sane again. I should have loved a thunderbird instead; means it is easier to love material than wanting something that is impossible to have. Thunderbird is an American sportscar. It is called T-bird like the one in Grease. She wants to be sane and that is considered impossible to have. At least when spring comes they roar back again. means cars are driven during spring. Roar refers to the engine sound. During winter, cars are being put away and since spring comes after winter the persona would be happy when spring. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.)“ means she commits suicide. She is escaping the reality of never being able to be sane. Mad girl’s love song is about a girl that is insane expressing love for her sane self.

[wiltedwroses]

The grave they buried me now is wet by rain,

But it's not the cloud that is raining; it's my body flushing out everything that's called ‘feelings’

Do you feel that? Nope? It's the heaviness of not feeling anything; emptiness.

— nez.rine (wr)

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[sleg]

[nvhz]

i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh

and i need it now

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

And whenever things seem to be finally looking up in some way, it won't take long for me to feel bad again.

I'm never able to remain calm for any long at all.

[allthesepurplelights]

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[anezkadragon]

bpd also means:

chronic feelings of emptiness

basically having no hobbies

not being able to find a passion

not experiencing happiness trough hobbies or people

but really wanting to do something fun and fulfilling

being tired, having depression

rushing into new hobbies and needing equipment immediately, spending a lot of money

but loosing interest quickly and easily

not pursuing hobbies due to no instant success

not being able to act on a hobby cause you’re highly agitated

feeling numb all day, even around loved ones and doing something actually fun

not really experiencing a situation, feeling like you are not actually there

[whatever-is-on-my-fucked-up-mind]

Why can’t I just get skinny?

Why am I such a fucking failure?

I KNOW I’m not meant to look like this. There are some people who look so good with curves and extra weight. But I’m not one of them. My body isn’t designed to be that. It’s shaped too weird to look pretty with fat on it. I just look like a fat fucking blob with no hips, no thighs, no tits. I’m supposed to be skinny.

So why can’t I just fucking be skinny?

[bones-and-milk]

ED Playlist:

Oh Ana - Mother Mother

Monsters (feat. Killstation) - Hollywood Undead

Asleep - The Smiths

Becomes The Color - Emily Wells

Blanket - Oh, Be Clever

Body - Mother Mother

Broken - Lund

Control - Amarante

Dark of My Imagination - of Verona

Daydreaming - Radiohead

Deep End Freestyle - Sleepy Hallow & Fousheé

Depraved - Mammals

Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

A Drowning - How to Destroy Angels

Elephant Woman - Blonde Redhead

Endgame - Ride

Especially Me - Low

Fade Away - Trevor Something

Father - Odina

How - The Neighborhood

Lies - Marina and the Diamonds

Play Dead - Björk

Please Eat - Nicole Dollanganger

Saving Us a Riot - Phoria

Sign of the Times - Harry Styles

Torso - Grouplove

We Were Never Young - Raised by Swans

White Blood - Oh Wonder

No Mercy Unplugged - Kit

[depressionbound]

It sucks because I try. So. Hard and. I’m never the one. I’m always the disposable one. The weird one. The forgotten one.

[heymarmx0]

Sometimes things are too loud

Sometimes things are too quiet

What about, when the quiet is so quite it makes everything too loud

Or even more troubling when the loud makes you hear the quiet. And you remember you’re just alone.

[90377]

“My life is made up of ‘I’m sorry’. I feel like I have to apologize to people, to things, to life itself. It’s like, ‘I’m sorry to be here’. I don’t want to disturb anyone.”

— Yohji Yamamoto