Wind-Up Donkey

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A kit for testing urine. I did it in the name of science, and lest you get excited about illicit things, it has nothing to do with drugs.

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First Union was an American financial institution whose birth and death can both be attributed to mergers and acquisitions. The First Union brand disappeared in the early part of the previous decade, but the name lives on thanks to glorious pencils like this one.

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My followers - all five of them - come in all shapes and sizes, but there's one thing that unites us all: All of us have currency from the United Arab Emirates in our wallets, even though we've never been to said Middle Eastern nation.

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No photo can do justice to the finest specimen in my Weird Pencil Collection. Even if you think that this homemade concoction of pencil, paint, and glitter is the pinnacle of fine art, I'm thinking that your pencil sharpener will have a great time trying to cut through all this goo.

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Hungry? Why wait? In contrast to the vast majority of photos on Wind-Up Donkey, this object was placed on someone else's laptop, not mine.

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Here's a genuine pencil commemorating Joseph H. Gaudet Middle School in the grand city of Middletown, Rhode Island. I know exactly zero people who have attended this random middle school, and I have never been to Middletown, Rhode Island. I am only dimly aware of the events leading up to me taking ownership of this fine specimen, but it is without a doubt one of my most prized possessions.

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It's been a while since I've made a new post on Wind-Up Donkey. The wait was worth it, though, because someone placed an Angry Birds sticker on this salt shaker to transform it into an Angry Birds salt shaker.

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A well-aged, albeit empty, carton of orange juice from an apparently-defunct orange juice brand. It may or may not have served as juvenile puppet paraphernelia in a former life.

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If you ever meet a fly that you don't want to be friends with, you can use this flyswatter to give it a very intense massage.

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Davidson College is a private, coeducational liberal arts college founded by the Presbyterian Church and located in Davidson, North Carolina. I have never attended Davidson College, nor do I know anyone who has. Therefore, it is curious what sequence of events caused me to take possession of a Davidson College graduation program from 2013. I don't how why either.

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What circa-1991 preteen - especially the kind of circa-1991 preteen girl who adores princess-y things - wouldn't want one of these awesome Beauty and the Beast pencils, complete with an awesome Beauty and the Beast pencil topper that conceals the lamentable reality that this pencil is utterly devoid of an eraser? In this photo, Belle appears to be climbing the Firefox start screen, something that Disney princesses rarely do.

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Here's a plaster cast of a human tibia, the larger of the two bones that comprise the lower leg. If this replica skeleton had an intact foot, said foot would connect to the distal end of the bone, near the center of my laptop. The human body works better when it has a tibia or two, ideally tibias made out of bone instead of plaster.

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This is a copy of "Frankie Fish Learns to Obey", a work of literature so famous that it generates a whopping two Google hits.

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It is a donkey. It may be made of plastic, but it is still a donkey. Wind it up, and if you're lucky, it'll begin walking just like any other ordinary donkey that's ever lived. Most importantly, it is the eponymous character of this social media account.