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This series will be a collection of drabbles written about whatever unhinged thought I have when I'm writing them. It'll probably get a little weird, but like the fun kind of weird, you know?
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This post will include the title, pairing, word count, and summary for each fic as it is posted. Content warnings will be listed in the posts for each individual fic.
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Word Count: 6,433
Genre: Angst, fluff, suggestive
AU: Non idol AU, sex worker AU
Tropes: Friends to lovers, coworkers to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT! Infidelity, swearing, alcohol consumption, harassment at work, reader is a stripper, suggestive flirting, making out, Vernon's abusive ex is mentioned but nothing graphic is shown, controlling behavior, judgment of sex workers, mentions of previous suicidal ideation, reader panics when Vernon gets angry about something, Jeonghan is an emotionally abusive piece of shit that's implied to have previously assaulted reader but nothing graphic is shown or explicitly stated. If you think I missed something, please let me know!
Summary: An affair with your best friend gets you out of an unhealthy relationship.
A/N: This fic is another incredibly late submission for the Angst Olympics collab with character dynamics heavily inspired by Angel Dust, Husk, and Valentino from Hazbin Hotel. If you like this one, feel free to check out the other fics that were part of this collab!
I also wanna shout out the lovely people that listened to me yap about this fic and gave me advice during the writing process: @nothoughtsjustfic, @mylovesstuffs, @effervescentorbs, @noniesgummysmile. I love you guys!!!
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @okiedokrie-main, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @1-800-jewon, @myneurodivergentworld
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
If someone had asked you when you first moved in with Jeonghan if you thought that you’d be dancing in a sketchy club, you would have laughed in their faces. But there you were, dancing on stage night after night, trying desperately to pretend that the looks you got from the club’s clientele didn’t make your skin crawl.
You hated your job, but Jeonghan loved that you did it, and you wanted to make Jeonghan happy. After all, you loved Jeonghan with every fiber of your being. Plus, you knew from experience that making him happy was how you got to stay in the cushy apartment he rented and keep wearing the fancy clothes he bought you. Sure, you didn’t exactly love that he only bought you clothes that showed off your body, but you were desperate to stay in a relationship with the man you loved and stay out of the life that you’d left behind when you moved in with him. So, you kept your mouth shut.
The one positive part of your job was your friendship with Hansol, one of the club’s bartenders. You knew he hadn’t been around long, but you didn’t know exactly how long he’d worked there. Actually, the more you thought about it, the more you realized that you didn’t know a lot about him at all.
“Another great show tonight, doll,” Hansol said with his signature smile as you approached the bar and took a seat.
“Thanks, cupcake,” you replied with a wink.
“Your usual?”
“Sounds great. Thanks, ‘sol.”
“No problem, angel,” he said as he turned away to make your drink.
The bar was pretty much empty by the time your shift ended, with the few patrons left paying off their tabs with Chan, the other bartender. That meant you had pretty much all of Hansol’s attention in that moment, and you loved it.
“So, sweetheart,” you said, “got plans after work?”
“Not really,” Hansol answered with a shrug as he handed you a glass. “Just going home to catch up on some sleep. Why? You wanna make some plans, princess?”
“Maybe. Depends on whether you think you’d be able to keep up with me,” you said before taking a sip.
As you continuted to chat with Hansol and drink your cocktail, you felt yourself relax for the first time in weeks. Between your job and your relationship with Jeonghan, sometimes it felt like all that mattered about you was your appearance. But when you were talking to Hansol, he treated you like you were a person with thoughts and ideas that actually had value.
At some point, however, your phone vibrated, and you knew without looking that it was Jeonghan. So, you smiled, paid for your drink, thanked Hansol for the conversation, and got an Uber to go home.
When you got back to your apartment, Jeonghan raised an eyebrow and asked, “What were you doing out so late? It's an hour after your shift.
“I wanted a drink after work so I sat at the bar and got one.”
“You didn't think to ask first? Or at least tell me?”
“I don't need permission to get a drink, Hannie,” you answered. “Especially because I didn't even leave the club.”
“Whatever, I'm going to bed.”
“Fine. Good night.” Almost as an afterthought, you added, “I love you.”
Jeonghan didn't respond as he walked away.
A few weeks later, you stayed after work for a drink again. Sure, you knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t exactly be happy when you got home, but honestly, you didn’t care. You’d had a shitty shift, and you wanted a drink to take the edge off. It didn’t exactly hurt that Hansol was working that night, either.
Truthfully, you didn’t know why you were so drawn to Hansol. All you knew was that you loved when his attention was on you, especially when no one else was around. Sure, you’d always loved attention, which made your job significantly easier, but the way you felt when you were around Hansol was different.
You thought about it a little bit more, and you realized that it was exactly what you felt when you first started dating Jeonghan. It was the giddy excitement that you’d thought was love four years before, and the realization made your stomach churn with guilt and fear.
Before you could think about it any more, though, Hansol got your attention and asked, “What'll it be today, angel? Your usual?”
You opened your mouth to answer, but before you could, you heard a familiar voice behind you ask, “Is this what you do while you’re supposed to be at work, sweetheart? Just sit at the bar and complain about ‘boy trouble?’”
You immediately stood up from your seat, turning to greet your boyfriend. “Hi, Hannie. I just wanted to get a drink after my shift.”
“Why not come back home for a drink?”
“I’m not ready to go yet,” you answered halfheartedly.
“Why? We could have some fun when we get home,” Jeonghan said as he looked you up and down. “You know the outfit you have on tonight is one of my favorites.”
Jeonghan looked like he wanted to say something else, but before he could, Hansol cleared his throat and asked, “Are you gonna order something, or are you just gonna harass my customers?”
“I’m not harassing her. She’s my girlfriend,” Jeonghan answered, wrapping his arm around your waist as he spoke. You jumped at the contact, and he just grabbed your waist tighter.
“Doesn’t change that you’re acting like a creep right now.”
“It’s ok, Hansol,” you said, forcing a smile as you tried to keep things from escalating. Then, you turned back to Jeonghan and said, “I’ll come home with you after I get a drink, ok? Then we can have as much fun as you want, promise.”
“Alright, I’ll go wait in the car. I love you,” Jeonghan answered before he pulled you in for a kiss. Hansol cleared his throat again, and Jeonghan stepped away from the bar.
After Jeonghan walked away, you sat back down and said, “Sorry about that. He comes in sometimes to check on me while I work. I didn’t know he was coming or I would have avoided the bar.” Hansol gave you a concerned look, so you quickly added, “He just wants to make sure I’m safe, considering the types of people that come into the club.”
Hansol nodded slowly as he said, “Right.”
“What? You don’t believe that he wants what’s best for me?”
“I believe that if he does, he has an odd way of showing it.”
“What do you mean?” you asked, trying not to get too defensive.
“It’s nothing,” Hansol answered. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but I really think that you should try to leave him.”
You thought about what Hansol said for a minute before you replied, “Look, I know it looks bad, but he does love me.”
“I’m not saying that he doesn’t. I’m just saying that the way he treats you isn’t a healthy kind of love,” he said as he stepped away to get your drink.
You were quiet after that, getting lost in your own thoughts while you waited. When Hansol set your cocktail on the bar, you gave him a halfhearted smile and said, “Thanks.”
Unlike your usual interactions, you finished your drink and paid without a word before going home to think. Sure, you knew that what you had with Jeonghan wasn’t healthy, but you didn’t know if you could walk away. After all, you had no family in the area, and the only person you really thought of as a friend was Hansol. So really, who was there to turn to besides Jeonghan?
The next day, you walked into the club like you owned it, desperate not to let Jeonghan’s actions the night before bother you. Sure, that was easier said than done, but no one in the building knew just how bothered you really were, and that was what mattered most to you while you worked.
After your last dance of the night, you walked backstage, got changed, and walked past the bar instead of stopping for a drink. Hansol noticed you walking by and called your name before he asked, “Where are you going? You’re not gonna get something to drink today?”
“Can’t,” you answered matter-of-factly.
“Why not, princess?” Hansol teased. “I thought you enjoyed our little ritual.”
Something in your chest stirred when Hansol called you “princess.” You didn’t quite knew what it was, but you knew that it was too much to handle in that moment, so you barked, “Don’t fucking call me that.”
“Hey, I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
“Well I wasn’t trying to get held up when I just wanna go home, Hansol.”
“Alright what the fuck has gotten into you?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Well it’s also none of your goddamn business!” you practically yelled as you stormed out of the bar.
Once you were finally out of the club, you started to cool off, and that was when you plopped yourself onto the sidewalk and started to cry. You honestly had no clue where the tears came from, considering the fact that you’d always been good at keeping the storm in your head that seemed to never end hidden from the rest of the world. Still, your frustration with yourself for crying in public didn’t change the situation, so you desperately tried to focus on anything else long enough to calm down.
You had no idea how much time had passed before you heard a familiar voice ask, “What’s going on, angel? This isn’t like you.”
“I’m just so tired,” you answered through the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
“Hey, it’s ok,” Hansol said softly, sitting down next to you and pulling you into a hug.
Through your tears, you told Hansol about everything that you’d tried to pretend didn’t matter to you. The late night fights that started because you’d had the “audacity” to tell him no, the accusations of not really loving him every time you told him that he’d hurt you, and every other moment you never wanted to relive poured out of you like wine out of a bottle. By the time you were done, you felt like you were going to throw up as you really thought about everything that Jeonghan had put you through.
Hansol was silent as he fully processed what you were sure that he’d already figured out. You were terrified of him judging you for falling in love with someone like Jeonghan, just like your friends and family back home had done. Instead, though, when he finally did speak, he just said, “Let me help you.”
“Help with what?"
“Leaving him.”
“What?”
“You need to leave him. None of this is right, and I can’t stand seeing you hurt.”
“I can’t. As bad as he is, you don’t know what I left behind when I moved here with him.”
“I know that you don't have to go back to it, though. Not while I'm here.”
“Why are you so invested in my relationship, ‘sol?”
Hansol was quiet for a minute, like he was struggling to figure out how to answer your question. When he was finally ready to speak, he asked, “How long do you think I've been working here, angel?” You didn't answer him, so he continued, “Six months. Do you know how I got this job?” You shook your head, and he said, “Seungkwan owed me a favor, and I needed to get out of my hometown quickly. Do you know why?”
Again, you shook your head, once again realizing how little you knew about him compared to what he knew about you, and you asked, “Why?”
“I was with a woman that treated me the exact same way Jeonghan treats you,” he answered, sounding like he was fighting tears of his own. “Took everything I had to walk away without any help. It would kill me to not at least try to be the person that I needed when I left her.” You were quiet for a minute, and he added, “Even if it’s just spending time together outside of work so that you’re not alone with him all the time. Please.”
And just like that, you started to cry again. Whether you were crying for yourself or for Hansol, or both for that matter, you had no idea. All you knew was that you were desperate to not feel so lonely. So, once you felt like you could breathe again, you whispered, “Please help me.”
Hansol gently wiped your tears before cupping your face in his hand as he said, “I will. It’s going to be ok, I promise.”
Something about how gentle Hansol was with you gave you a sense of calmness that you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you knew as he held you that you could trust him.
A few days after Hansol offered to help you leave, you called him and asked, “Are you busy tonight?”
“No, why?”
“Jeonghan is out with his friends, and I just need an escape from it all. Do you wanna go out and do something?”
“Define ‘something,’ princess.”
You thought about it for a minute before you said, “Well, maybe we could go to the cafe by the club?”
“That sounds great, angel. I’ll be there in 15?”
“That works. I’ll get ready. See you soon, honey.”
With that, you hung up, got dressed in one of the less revealing outfits you’d managed to convince Jeonghan to let you buy, and left for the cafe. When you got there, Hansol was already sitting at one of the tables with two chocolate chip muffins sitting in front of him.
“I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee, so I didn’t order you a drink, but I got us muffins.”
“Thanks, ‘sol. I’m gonna go get a drink, and I’ll be back.”
With that, you left the table to order your coffee. While you waited for it, you thought about what you wanted to talk to Hansol about. Sure, you wanted to start planning to leave Jeonghan, but at the same time, you didn’t want that your failed relationship to be the only topic of conversation. After all, you wanted a genuine friendship with Hansol.
Your name was called, snapping you out of your thoughts, so you grabbed your drink, paid for it, and went back to your table. When you sat down, you asked, “So, now what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Should we start planning? To deal with Jeonghan, I mean.”
“Ok first of all, calling it ‘dealing with Jeonghan’ makes it sound like you’re planning to kill him,” Hansol answered with a laugh. “Second, why don’t we just talk tonight? There’s plenty of time to plan, and you look like you need a break.”
With a sigh, you said, “I really do.”
“Well then, enough about Jeonghan for tonight. Tell me about you.”
“What do you wanna know?”
“Anything that you’re comfortable telling me, doll.”
After a moment of thought, you answered, “I worked at the public library in my hometown before I moved here with Jeonghan.”
Hansol’s eyes widened as he said, “Wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“A lot of people don’t. I stopped telling people because of it. I got tired of the judgment and pity.”
“Pity?” he asked, tilting his head.
“Most people see going from ‘librarian’ to ‘stripper’ as a downgrade and look at me like they’re trying to figure out what life choices led me to this point. A couple of people have actually asked me what I’m doing in ‘in a place like that’ considering I’m ‘such a nice girl.’”
“I’m guessing the answer to that question is Jeonghan?” Hansol asked hesitantly.
“Yeah.” You were silent for a minute before you added, “When we first met, he told me that he loved seeing me do my job, but after we moved, he said that I should be doing something that actually fits ‘someone like me.’”
“I really hate that guy, you know.”
“I know. What I don’t know is why I still love him.”
“The heart works in mysterious ways.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” You were quiet for a second before you added, “Now tell me about you. I don’t wanna get all sad again.”
"I’m not sure if asking me about my life is a good way to avoid talking about something sad, sweetheart,” Vernon answered with a laugh. After another minute of thought, though, he said, “I know it isn't the most glamorous life, but to tell you the truth, I really love being a bartender. I don't think I would go back to the job I had before, even if I actually had a chance.”
“What did you do before?”
“Some boring office job. I don't even remember what the official job title was. It was basically spreadsheets all day every day for like, shockingly good pay.
“Would you go back for the money?” you asked.
“Hell no. I don't make as much as I used to, but it is enough to pay the bills. Besides, going to work doesn't make me wanna run into oncoming traffic anymore, which is worth everything.”
As you thought about what Hansol said, you silently hoped that you'd be able to stop working at the club one day. After all, you wanted to find the same joy in what you did that he had. You'd had it when you worked at the library, but now, it was hard to push through the way you felt when you danced.
Not wanting to think about that anymore, you just said, “I'm really happy for you, "‘sol.”
With that, Hansol reached across the table, taking your hand in his as he said, “We're gonna get you there too, angel. I promise.”
Not knowing what else to say, you mumbled, “I really like it when you call me angel.”
“Well, I really like you,” Hansol answered without missing a beat.
That was when you smiled for the first time in what felt like hours and asked, “You do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
You were quiet for a minute after that, deciding what to say next. When you saw the anxiety written all over Hansol’s face, though, you squeezed his hand and said, “I like you too.”
“Does that mean we're actually-”
“Yes,” you answered.
With that, the two of you got up to throw away your trash and left, walking out of the cafe with your hands intertwined and a new source of hope for the future.
Jeonghan was out with his friends again when you texted Hansol and asked him if you could come over. He said yes in a heartbeat, texting you his address. So, you got ready and left, turning your phone’s location off so your boyfriend wouldn’t figure out where you were.
When you got to Hansol’s apartment, he had soft-looking blankets laid out on the couch, a movie ready to play on the TV, and a variety of snacks set out on the coffee table. You almost teared up as you hugged him and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked before he kissed your forehead.
“Doing all of this for me.”
“You know I do it because I care about you, right?”
“I know, but it still means a lot to me.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me.”
The two of you were silent after that, just enjoying each other’s presence before you let go of Hansol, took his hand, and pulled him over to the couch to ask, “What movie did you choose?”
“Just some rom-com. Are you ready?” he asked. You nodded, and he pressed play.
After Hansol pressed play, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, and you leaned closer to him as you really relaxed for the first time all day. The two of you didn’t stay focused on the movie for very long, though. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, and you had climbed into his lap.
A soft sigh slipped out of your mouth as you relaxed on top of him, and Hansol brought his hands down to your hips. His mouth on yours felt like heaven, and as you lost yourself in the feeling, a small part of you wondered if a future with him was really possible.
Hansol gripped your hips tighter, groaning softly as you kissed him and snapping you out of your thoughts. After he pulled away for air, he said, “You feel so good on top of me.”
That was when you noticed his erection pressing against you, and your heart dropped. You'd been pushing yourself way harder at work lately, and you were way too tired to go any further than kissing. As you got lost in thought, you silently hoped that Hansol really was nothing like Jeonghan.
“Hey, what's going on, princess?” Hansol asked, gently cupping your face with his band. “You look a little lost in thought.”
“Sorry, just tired. Would it be ok to just cuddle?”
“Of course, angel,” Hansol answered, helping you off of his lap and pulling you close. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” you answered, trying not to show that you were caught off guard.
“You know I’m not upset with you, right?” he asked hesitantly.
“You’re not?”
“Darling, why the fuck would I be upset with you for saying no?” he asked, both confused and concerned. The look on your face must have given something away, because his expression immediately shifted from confusion to horror as he said, “That piece of shit.”
You practically jumped away from Hansol when you realized he was angry, immediately trying to apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“Hey, it’s ok. I’m not angry with you, sweetheart,” he answered, softening his voice and taking your hands in his. “I promise you I’m not angry with you. You can always, always, say no to me. Ok?”
You nodded as you tried to steady your breathing, immediately pulling Hansol closer to you while you processed the fact that he actually respected you. You had a fleeting thought that maybe you could have a real relationship with him if you actually left Jeonghan, but you quickly shooed the thought away. After all, you needed to find the strength to actually walk away first.
For the rest of the night, you and Hansol didn’t speak much. Instead, both of you got lost in your thoughts as you watched another movie. You had no idea what Hansol was thinking about, but you knew that you were thinking about what else you needed to do to prepare to leave Jeonghan for good.
It was late when your phone vibrated, and you knew without looking that it was a text from Jeonghan asking you to pick him up because he got too drunk. So, you looked up at Hansol and said, “I think I need to go now.”
“That’s ok. Next time you’re here, though, I have some things to show you.”
“What are they?”
“Just some things I found that might help when you’re ready.”
“Ready?”
“To leave Jeonghan.”
“Oh, right. Thank you.”
“No problem, doll.”
With that, you checked your phone to get the address, gave Hansol another quick peck on the cheek, and left to find your drunk disaster of a boyfriend. As you drove, you thought about ways to prepare to finally walk away from the man you’d thrown away years of your life for.
You spent as much time as you possibly could with Hansol after that night. He made you feel seen in a way you didn't know was possible, he treated you like a queen every time you were together, and you actually felt like a person with him instead of an object. It was exactly what you’d missed about being in love since you’d been with Jeonghan.
Eventually, though, Jeonghan started to get suspicious of how much time you spent out of the house. On a day that you had plans with Hansol, he stopped you before you left and asked, “Where are you going, star?”
“Oh, just some shopping with a coworker,” you answered without missing a beat, used to lying to him by that point. “One of the other dancers at work asked me for help choosing a dress for her sister’s wedding.”
“Which dancer?” Jeonghan pressed. “And are you planning to buy anything?”
“Sojeong. And I’m not buying any clothes, but I asked her to get lunch after we’re done, and I’ll be paying for that.”
Jeonghan considered what you told him for a minute before he said, “Ok, but if you change your mind and do want to buy clothes, I expect photos before anything is paid for.”
“I understand,” you answered with a nod, trying desperately not to give yourself away by looking too happy.
With that, Jeonghan kissed your forehead and said, “I hope you have fun,” and you left.
To be fair, what you’d told Jeonghan hadn’t been a complete lie. You were in fact going to the mall with Hansol, and you did make an agreement with him that if he paid for the clothes that you were going to keep at his place, you would buy him food after. Plus, Sojeong’s sister really was getting married soon. You’d overheard her talking about it at work, and you knew that she would never tell Jeonghan that you were lying about helping her choose a dress.
And after you got lunch with Hansol, you went to a nearby gas station, withdrew money from the station’s ATM, and put it into an account that Jeonghan had no knowledge of. After all, you knew that you’d need money that he couldn’t touch.
Hansol continued helping you get just a little bit closer to leaving Jeonghan every time you snuck out with him. Whether it was making space in his closet for your clothes, helping you look for another job for when you quit working at the club, or holding while you cried over the decisions that had gotten you to this point, he was right there.
“I’m really proud of you,” Hansol told you as the two of you worked together to fold your clothes so that they would fit in the drawers he’d cleared out for you.
“That means a lot, cupcake.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me,” he said before he leaned over to kiss your cheek.
“You mean a lot to me too,” you said, your face growing warm as you tried to maintain your composure.
Before you knew it, the clothes were folded, and it was time for you to leave. So, you kissed Hansol one last time and started to drive home. While you drove, you thought about Hansol and how much had changed since he entered your life, and how badly you wanted to experience whatever else life threw your way by his side.
As your relationship with Hansol progressed, you felt more ready than you’d ever been to actually walk away. Sure, there were still a few practical steps that you had to take, like saving a little bit more money and buying some last minute supplies, but you knew that all of it would be ok as long as you had Hansol.
Just when you thought life was getting better, everything came crashing down. Your relationship with Hansol was the first thing to fall apart, because of course it was. The universe had always been cruel to you that way, reminding you that the good things in your life were never meant to last.
It happened when you were least expecting it. You’d brought Hansol to your apartment, since you thought Jeonghan was at work, and the two of you were planning to start packing your things so you could move into Hansol’s apartment with him when you were ready. When you walked into your living room, however, you found Jeonghan sitting in the middle of the couch, looking angrier than you’d ever seen him.
“What the fuck have you been doing,” he asked, every word dripping with disdain.
“I-”
“You know what, I don’t want to hear it,” Jeonghan said, standing up and stepping in front of you. “Do you want to go back home? Back to them? Is that why you’re so determined to destroy our relationship?”
Your stomach started doing backflips as you thought about what your life was like before you met Jeonghan, and the thought alone was enough for you to start to reconsider. So, you stepped slightly away from Hansol and whispered, “I can't go back.”
“Exactly.” With that, Jeonghan stepped just a tiny bit closer, making sure only you could hear him whisper, “If you don't stop this, I'll drag you back there myself.”
And that was what broke you.
As you started to cry, you turned toward Hansol and said, “I think you should leave.”
You could tell Hansol didn't want to, but something about the way your entire demeanor changed told him that he shouldn't interfere in this moment, if for no other reason than to keep you safe. So, he softly said, “I'll be here whenever you're ready, angel.” Then, he walked out of your apartment, leaving you alone with Jeonghan.
The silence that fell after Hansol left almost shattered you, but you knew from experience that if Jeonghan saw you crying, it wouldn't end well. So, you bottled everything up as Jeonghan pulled you into a stiff hug and said, “Never forget that you're mine.”
The day that Jeonghan proposed should have been one of the happiest of your life. After all, you’d wanted to get married since you were a little kid, and now you were one step closer to the happily ever after you’d always wanted. At least, that’s what you tried to tell yourself. But instead of anything even close to joy or excitement, you just felt broken, trying desperately not to crumble as Jeonghan slid the clearly expensive ring onto your finger.
“Doesn’t it look perfect, baby?” he asked as he held your hand up to admire the way the diamonds sparkled in the light.
“It does. I love you, Hannie,” you said, trying to fight back tears that you’d tell Jeonghan were tears of joy if he noticed.
“I love you too, my star.”
A month after Jeonghan proposed, the two of you were out shopping for more fiance-approved clothes for you to wear on dates. While you looked at dresses that you could only hope he would say yes to, he walked away to find some shoes that he said he needed for work.
The second Jeonghan was out of earshot, you heard a familiar voice say your name and ask, “How have you been?"
“I’m fine, Hansol,” you answered, trying desperately to keep your face and voice neutral. “How are you?”
“Are you alright, angel?” he asked.
“Don’t call me that,” you snapped, your voice breaking. With a sigh, you collected yourself and whispered, “I don’t want him to hear you.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. You were silent in response, too embarrassed to admit it. You didn’t have to though, since he said, “You stayed.”
“We’re engaged now.”
“What?”
“He proposed a few weeks ago.”
“And you said yes?”
“I still love him,” you mumbled, unsure how else to defend yourself. Before you could say anything else, you heard Jeonghan approaching, so you said, “Go home, Hansol. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Hansol looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. So, you silently watched the man you loved walk away and went back to planning the rest of your life with the man that you thought that you were supposed to love.
For days after you ran into Hansol at the mall, you couldn't get the look in his eyes out of your head. The fear of promising Jeonghan forever, the guilt of not keeping your promise to Hansol, and the longing for a forever with Hansol instead of Jeonghan kept you up at night. Before you saw him again, you’d tried desperately to forget how you felt with him and accept that you were meant to live your life with Jeonghan. But now that you knew that Hansol still cared about you, how could you let that go?
The truth of the matter was that you couldn’t. Even as you tried to focus on planning your wedding, your thoughts drifted back to Hansol. What cake flavor would he choose if he was the groom instead of Jeonghan? What flowers would he want decorating the venue? Would he want to choose the song for your first dance together, instead of just deciding and telling you to listen to it before the wedding like Jeonghan?
You finally got tired of wondering on your way home from a dress fitting. You’d spent hours in the bridal shop, modeling countless options for Jeonghan to approve. Every dress had something you loved about it, but the elements that you adored were exactly what Jeonghan despised. Whether it was a lace trim that he thought looked too expensive or an elaborate beaded bodice that he said made you look “too classy for someone in your position,” every single thing that made you happy got stomped on, and you finally broke.
The ride home was dead silent until you finally sat up straighter in your seat and said, “I’m done.”
“What?” Jeonghan asked, already irritated.
“I said I’m done, Jeonghan.”
“What do you mean ‘done?’” he asked.
“I’m not marrying you.”
Jeonghan was silent for a minute before he said, “You’re throwing away almost five years together?”
“Yes.”
“Are you gonna tell me why?”
“No.”
Jeonghan slammed his hand on the top of the steering wheel, making you jump before he said, “You have three days to pack your things and get out. I don’t care where you end up, but you’re not staying in the apartment.”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Do you have a plan for where to go, then?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
With that, the two of you drove home in silence. When you got back to the apartment, you immediately gathered all of your belongings and packed everything into suitcases you’d been keeping hidden in your closet. You knew that you needed to organize it all, but you didn’t care about that in the moment. All you cared about was getting out.
After everything you owned was packed up and ready to go, you called Hansol. You probably should have done that before you broke it off with Jeonghan, but you weren’t thinking clearly when it happened. So, you just hoped that he would pick up.
“Hello?” Hansol asked, clearly confused.
“It’s me,” you said through the tears that had started to fall.
“Angel? What’s going on?”
“Do you still have the clothes that we bought?”
“Yeah, I do,” he answered hesitantly. “Why do you-”
“I left him,” you said, not letting him finish his question.
The line was silent for what felt like an eternity before he said, “I’m so fucking proud of you. Do you need me to come get you when my shift ends?”
“Please,” you responded as you tried to calm down.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can, princess. Just breathe for me, ok? It’s gonna be ok. I’ll pick you up, we can go back to my place, and it’ll all be ok.”
“Thank you,” you choked out.
“Are you gonna be ok while I finish my shift? I think I have like an hour left.”
“I’ll be ok,” you answered, starting to calm down.
“I’ve gotta go back to work now, but I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He was quiet for a minute before he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you said before hanging up.
After the call ended, you stayed in what was no longer your bedroom and tried to keep your breathing steady until Hansol picked you up. While you waited, you processed the fact that he told you that he loved you. Not only that, but you said it back.
You’d spent months trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t true, but now that you could actually be with Hansol without Jeonghan getting in the way, you knew that there was no denying that you were in love with him, and you knew that you would be safe with him.
After all of your things were moved into Hansol’s apartment, the first thing you did was quit your job at the club. After all, you had enough in your savings to pay your share of the bills for a couple of months, and Hansol had insisted that you find a job that you actually enjoyed and felt safe going to.
Finding a new job was hard, especially considering the career that you’d just left behind, but after weeks of looking, you managed to get a job at the public library. It took what felt like an eternity for the application process to end, but when you got the call, you felt lighter than you had in years.
Hansol was there for you every step of the way while you got ready for your first day. While you ironed your outfit the night before, Hansol told you stories about the people that he'd met at the club since you left. When you lost your favorite pen an hour before you had to leave, he was right alongside you digging through the couch cushions until you found it. When your shoes were on, and he could see your full outfit in the mirror, he looked at you like you were made of stardust and said, “You look so happy. It's beautiful.”
“I feel happy.”
Hansol pulled you into a hug as he said, “See? I told you that I would get you out.”
“I know.” You were silent for another minute before you added, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, angel. I always will.”
With that, Hansol kissed your forehead, and you left for work. As you drove to the library, you couldn't help but think that you were finally starting to feel like yourself again.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
This series will include a collection of drabbles as a continuation of my fic "Worship Like a Dog." I really loved this fic and was considering writing a sequel, and then @okiedokrie decided to send me a dm on Discord specifically asking for a drabble series. After a poll to gauge interest, I started planning!
If you'd like to be included on the taglist for this series, you can leave a comment on this post, send me an ask, send me a dm, or fill out my drabble series taglist form. You'll also be able to sign up to be tagged in my upcoming series "Slut Goblin Mode" if you fill out the form!
This post will include the title, word count, and summary for each drabble as it is posted. Content warnings will be listed in the posts for each individual fic.
I haven't posted anything for this series yet. Stay tuned, though! The first post is planned for August or September.
Thank you for reading and interacting with my posts! I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of what I have planned for these two.
Word Count: 5,852
Genre: Angst, fluff
AU: Non idol AU, Parent AU
Tropes: Established relationship (Jaehyun), lovers to co-parents/friends (Doyoung)
Rating: PG, but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Religious themes, brief anxiety about going to hell, probably inaccurate representation of parents making custody arrangements, Dongyoung is a little weird about reader at the start but they eventually settle into a healthy friendship. If you think I missed something though, please let me know!
Summary: As you adjust to life after leaving Dongyoung for the last time, you find comfort and companionship in his best friend and experience some unexpected mindset changes.
A/N: Finally, this series is done. This part is really different from the previous chapters, so I cannot wait to hear what everyone thinks about it! It was really cathartic to write because of how perfectly reader's thoughts/feelings/experiences in this chapter mirror some things I've been struggling with in my own life.
I'd like to give a special shout out to @petrichor-han and @effervescentorbs for giving me feedback on the ending.
And last but not least, If you'd like to read the previous parts of this series, the masterlist can be found here! Thank you for all the love on this series.
Adjusting to life with Jiyeon was a lot more difficult than you ever could have anticipated. Sure, you knew that your life would change after having a baby, and you loved your daughter more than words could ever say, but you never could have anticipated just how exhausted you would be all the time while you learned how to take care of a newborn as you went.
The additional problem of learning how to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with Dongyoung didn’t help matters, either. Still, you knew that it was the right thing to do. Dongyoug would never be the man that you wanted him to be, and expecting him to change was like expecting hell to freeze over.
Not having Dongyoung in your life anymore didn’t mean that you were alone, though. Nayeon, Jisoo, and Jaehyun were right by your side, and having your friends and lover in your corner was a lifeline as you adjusted to life as a mother. Not only did they step in and take care of Jiyeon when you needed to rest, but they also made sure that you didn’t lose the parts of you that had taken a backseat to your new role as you struggled to balance it all.
But before you knew it, your maternity leave was almost over. So, you made arrangements with your parents, Jisoo, and Nayeon to take care of Jiyeon while you worked. You went over your lesson plans over and over to make sure that you were in the right place when you went back to teaching. You even sat Jaehyun down to figure out how much longer he would stay with you to help with Jiyeon after you went back to work. You’d thought of every possibility, and once everything was in place, you felt like you were ready to go back to teaching.
The day before you were supposed to go back to work, you were putting some finishing touches on a presentation for your students, since Jaehyun had offered to feed Jiyeon before her nap. After she was fed and burped, you heard Jaehyun start singing a lullaby, and your heart swelled. Sure, Jaehyun wasn’t Jiyeon’s biological father, but as far as you were concerned, the love that he’d shown her from the moment that she arrived more than qualified him to be her dad.
Once Jiyeon was sleeping soundly in her crib, Jaehyun found you in the living room and kissed your forehead, asking, “How long have you been working on this, baby?”
“No idea, but I’m almost done!”
“Define ‘almost,’” Jaehyun said with a laugh.
“I just need to add a few more pictures and fix some typos.”
“Ok, as soon as you’re done, you’re taking a break.”
“Fine,” you said with a dramatic roll of your eyes as you went back to work.
Just like you agreed, you finished fixing all of the little details, and once your presentation was done, you basically collapsed into Jaehyun’s arms. Between preparing to go back to work and caring for Jiyeon, you’d been exhausted, so you were relieved when you got the opportunity to finally rest.
However, your cozy moment with the man that you loved was interrupted by a knock on the door. With a dramatic sigh, you stood to answer it, expecting your parents or one of the traveling salesmen that refused to leave you alone on the other side.
Instead, you opened the door and saw Dongyoung for the first time since Jiyeon was born.
“What do you want?” you asked, too tired to even try to pretend you were happy to see him.
“Can we talk? I’d really like to make some sort of plan to see Jiyeon more often.”
“You had months to have this conversation, Dongyoung. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I just realized that I haven’t seen her since the birth, and I wanna make it right,” he answered, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact as he spoke.
Not wanting to deny Dongyoung time with his daughter, you stepped aside so he could come in and said, “Ok. How much time do you want?”
“As much time as you’re willing to give me,” he answered as he stepped inside and looked around your apartment. He stopped exactly where he was when he turned and saw Jaehyun sitting on your couch and asked, “What is he doing here?”
“He’s been staying here to help me take care of Jiyeon,” you answered, leaving no further room for questions. Then, the two of you went over your work schedules and discussed when each of you would be available to care for Jiyeon, moving plans around until you had a custody arrangement that both of you were happy with.
“Can I see her now?” Dongyoung asked.
“She’s sleeping.”
“Oh, ok.”
With that, you tried to gently encourage Dongyoung to move toward the door, but before he actually left, he turned around and asked, “By the way, are you busy this weekend?” He tried to make it sound casual, but you could tell exactly what he wanted from the hopeful and slightly desperate look in his eyes.
“Jaehyun and I have plans, actually,” you answered.
Dongyoung’s face fell as he muttered something about how he shouldn’t have come. You opened your mouth to ask him what he meant, but before you could say a word, Jaehyun asked, “Sorry, what was that?”
“Nothing,” Dongyoung answered.
“No, say it,” Jaehyun said, standing from the couch and stepping closer to Dongyoung. “What was that about how you shouldn’t have come?”
“I was just disappointed that you two have plans because I was hoping that we could reconnect,” Dongyoung mumbled, clearly embarrassed that he’d been called out.
“Well she isn't interested,” Jaehyun snapped, stepping between you and Dongyoung.
The two of them went back and forth for what felt like an eternity, but was probably just a few minutes. At some point, however, Dongyoung stepped around Jaehyun, turned to you, and begged, “Come on. Say something, please.”
“You have a lot of audacity showing up here and lying about wanting to see Jiyeon.”
“I wasn’t lying. I just-”
“Used our child to try to talk to me about getting back together? I know.”
With a defeated sigh, Dongyoung said, “I’m sorry.”
You let out a sigh of your own before you said, “Dongyoung, I need you to do two things for me. Ok?”
“What are they?” he asked, perking up slightly like he thought that he had a chance.
“First, I need you to only contact me if it is directly related to Jiyeon. Nothing else.” There was a moment of silence as he processed your words, and you continued, “Second, I need you to remember that Jiyeon is the only reason we’re even speaking right now. Do you understand?” you asked matter-of-factly.
Dongyoung seemed to deflate at your words, but he still said, “Ok,” and left your apartment.
After Dongyoung left, you practically collapsed into Jaehyun’s arms, exhausted by both the argument and the chaotic day you’d had. Your lover held you close while you tried to relax, whispering soft reassurances that everything would be ok and desperately hoping that you believed him.
A few hours after Dongyoung left, Jiyeon woke up crying. Without a second thought, you went to your bedroom, carefully lifting her out of her crib as you whispered, “It's ok. I'm right here.”
You checked her diaper, and just like you were expecting, it was full. So, you immediately got everything out and changed her, humming softly while you worked. Once she was clean again, Jiyeon calmed down, and you savored the quiet moment with your little girl.
Sure, you greatly appreciated the people around you that were available to help you take care of your daughter, but your favorite moments of the day were always when it was just the two of you. No work-related interruptions, no distractions, just bonding time that kept you grounded while the world seemed to spin out of control around you.
After your conversation, Dongyoung kept his word. He only contacted you when it was related to Jiyeon, and he didn’t bring up the idea of rekindling your relationship again. Considering your history, it was the last thing you were expecting, but you were immensely grateful for it.
A small part of you was disappointed by how your relationship with Dongyoung had changed over the years. But, as you grew apart from Dongyoung, you grew closer to Jaehyun, and that made you miss what you used to have a lot less. A small part of you felt guilty for immediately making it official with your ex’s best friend, but at the same time, you were relieved that you had someone to help you handle the things that life threw at you. Especially considering the fact that Jaehyun made you feel safer and more loved than Dongyoung ever had.
The day that you asked Jaehyun to move in with you permanently was one of the best days of your life. Nayeon and Jisoo had agreed to take care of Jiyeon so the two of you could have the conversation privately, so you invited Jaehyun to a nearby park.
When you got to the park, the two of you sat down on a nearby bench, and you decided to just bite the bullet and asked, “How do you feel about moving in permanently instead of going home next month, like we agreed when my maternity leave ended?”
Jaehyun was quiet for a minute before he said, “I was hoping that you would ask. Are Nayeon and Jisoo ok with it?”
“Yeah, they are. I talked to them about it before I asked you.”
“Then yeah, I think that sounds wonderful.”
With that, Jaehyun pulled you close, and you couldn’t help but think that there was nowhere else you wanted to be in that moment.
The weekend after Jaehyun's belongings were all moved into your apartment, Dongyoung came over to pick Jiyeon up. Just like always, he knocked on the door, and you answered, holding your daughter in your arms. When Dongyoung saw Jiyeon, he lit up, asking, “How is my little angel doing?”
Jiyeon reached for her father immediately, and with a soft laugh, you gently placed her in Dongyoung’s arms and said, “I think she missed you.”
“I missed her too,” he said as you moved out of the way to let him in.
Dongyoung carefully stepped into the apartment that used to be his, sitting on the couch with Jiyeon falling asleep in his arms as you updated him about the last week. You went over everything from an updated burping routine to the lullabies that seemed to be most effective at putting her to sleep. He listened intently to all of it, adding his own thoughts and observations from his weekends taking care of Jiyeon.
While the two of you talked, you noticed Dongyoung looking around the apartment and asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Oh, yeah,” he answered, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “I just noticed that the layout looks a little different. Did you move stuff around?”
“Yeah, we moved some things to make room for the rest of Jaehyun’s stuff. He’s moving in long-term.”
Dongyoung didn't speak for a minute, clearly surprised, but when he did speak, he just mumbled, “I'm happy for you two.”
“Thank you,” you said, not really sure how to continue the conversation. After a brief awkward silence though, you decided to ask, “How are you doing?” Sure, it wasn’t exactly related to Jiyeon, but you figured that a quick check-in couldn’t hurt.
Dongyoung looked surprised by your question, but he still answered, “I think I'm ok.” He hesitated before he continued, “Kind of lonely, if I'm being honest? Most of my friends don't live nearby anymore, so it's basically just me in the new apartment unless it's my time with one or both of the kids.”
“I didn't know that,” you mumbled.
Dongyoung immediately sat up straighter and said, “It's ok. I'm fine, really. I've been looking for churches in the area, so that'll help. I talked to my neighbor, and she said that she'd watch the kids during service if I find one.” He spoke quickly, like he was desperate to convince both you and himself that everything was ok.
Not wanting to push him, but also not wanting him to be alone, you just said, “If you need to talk, just send me a text.”
“I thought you didn't want me to talk to you unless it was related to Jiyeon.”
You thought for a minute and sighed before you said, “Well, you show up for her, and that means a lot to me. I meant what I said about not getting back together, but I don't mind talking sometimes. Besides, if you're not at your best, it's gonna be harder to give Jiyeon what she needs.”
Dongyoung looked genuinely relieved as he said, “Thanks. That means a lot.” He was quiet for a minute before he continued, “Could you help me get her stuff to the car?”
“Yeah, of course.”
With that, Dongyoung carefully placed your sleeping daughter in her car seat, and the two of you worked together to load the car. Then, when you were done, he smiled at you before he got in and drove home with Jiyeon.
As you walked back in, you thought about the shifts in your relationship with Dongyoung over the years, wondering if your conversation today was a sign of another shift. After all, the two of you clearly weren’t meant to be lovers, but maybe the two of you could respectfully co-parent and potentially be friends again down the line.
It was a random Sunday when Jaehyun asked you if you would be willing to meet his parents. Jiyeon was at Dongyoung’s house for the weekend, and Nayeon and Jisoo were out of the house, so you and Jaehyun were just enjoying the time to yourselves. You took your time grading papers while Jaehyun organized the bookshelf that sat in your bedroom, and at some point, he just asked, “What do you think about meeting my parents?”
“I’m open to it. Why do you ask?”
“Well, I talk about you a lot,” he answered with a shy chuckle. “They really wanna get to know you.”
“Do they know how we met?”
“They know some of the details, but at the end of the day, do they need to know the whole story? They know that I love you, and that’s what matters as far as I’m concerned,” he said, moving away from the bookshelf to sit next to you at the table.
With a sigh, you answered, “I guess you’re right. I’m just worried about being judged, you know?”
“I understand that completely. But I promise you, my parents aren’t the judgemental type. They have no room to be, trust me.”
You thought about it for a moment, then you said, “Ok. As long as you're sure that it'll be ok.”
“I am. I'll call my mom later to set everything up.” There was a beat of silence before he said, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
With that, the two of you went back to your respective tasks, finishing them in silence. As you graded the rest of the assignments in your pile, you enjoyed the comfort that you found in Jaehyun’s steady presence in your life.
When you actually showed up to Mr. and Mrs. Jeong’s house a few weeks later, overnight bags in your arms, you were far less nervous than you expected to be. You couldn’t really explain it, but a sense of peace had settled over you, and you were certain that no matter what happened, everything would be ok. Your best guess as to why you weren’t nervous was the feeling of safety that came from going into a new experience with Jaehyun by your side.
When Jaehyun knocked on the door, his mom opened it and said, “Hi! Come on in. Jaehyun has told us so much about you.”
After Mrs. Jeong stepped out of the doorway, you slowly stepped into her home, holding Jaehyun’s hand. Something about his hand in yours just kept you grounded in unfamiliar situations.
From the moment you sat next to Jaehyun on the couch, Mrs. Jeong was eager to get to know you. “So,” she began, tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I've been a teacher for the past six years, and I have a four-month-old daughter.”
“Jaehyun talks about Jiyeon all the time. We would have loved to meet her today,” Mrs. Jeong responded.
“She's with her father this weekend, but I'd be happy to arrange a visit during my time with her so that you can meet her.”
Mrs. Jeong beamed, and her husband finally entered the room. With a warm smile on his face, he approached you, shook your hand, and introduced himself. Then, he sat down next to Mrs. Jeong and asked, “How did you and Jaehyun meet?”
You thought about how much you were comfortable telling them for a minute before you looked down and said, “I was in a relationship with Dongyoung when we met. He visited to catch up with Dongyoung, and we hit it off. Then wfter Dongyoung and I split, we started seeing each other.” You looked up to see how they would react, and you saw a hint of understanding in Mrs. Jeong’s eyes. So, you smiled and continued, “I really didn't expect our relationship to move so quickly. Originally, Jaehyun was planning to stay with me temporarily to help me take care of Jiyeon. But as time passed, I fell for him harder than I ever could have expected, and now I can't picture my life without him.”
You looked over at Jaehyun, and with a soft smile, your lover said, “I knew you were the one as soon as I saw that smile for the first time.”
“I'm so happy Jaehyun found someone like you,” Mrs. Jeong said.
With that, the four of you continued to talk, and your anxiety about Mr. and Mrs. Jeong judging you for your past mistakes practically melted away. They were nothing but warm and kind to you, and you were optimistic about the future of your relationship with Jaehyun and his family.
Eventually, the conversation shifted to your upbringing, and you spoke about your time at church. “My parents are religious, but I never really connected with any higher power the way they did,” you explained. “I don't know if I was doing it wrong or if there just isn't anything to connect to, but as an adult I made peace with the fact that it just isn't for me.” Almost as an afterthought, you mumbled, “I sort of wish it was, though.”
You’d never admitted that you wanted to believe in God before. Not to Dongyoung, not to Jaehyun, not to anyone. So why were you telling Jaehyun’s parents now? Especially considering this was the first time you’d ever met them? You had absolutely no idea. Still, it was kind of nice to finally say it out loud.
Mr. and Mrs. Jeong looked at each other with an expression you couldn’t quite identify before Mr. Jeong turned back to you and said, “Would you like to come to church with us tomorrow?”
You thought about saying no. You really did. But a feeling that you couldn’t name settled into your gut as you processed the question, and you found yourself saying, “Yes, I would.”
“Wonderful!” Mrs. Jeong said. “Service starts at 9:30, and we usually leave at 9:00 to get there on time to find our seats.”
“I’ll make sure I’m ready,” you responded, still questioning why you said yes.
“Now, I’m sure Jaehyun told you this,” Mrs. Jeong continued, “but we set you two up in his old bedroom for the weekend. Do you need me to show you where it is?”
“I’ll show her,” Jaehyun answered. Then, he turned to you and asked, “Are you ready?” You nodded, and he silently motioned for you to follow him to where you’d be sleeping for the night. Then, once your belongings were put in their temporary places, you took some time to yourself to think, mainly wondering what the feeling in your gut was that told you to go to church with your boyfriend’s parents.
The next day, you walked into church with Jaehyun's family, still asking yourself why you agreed to go. Of course, you knew the answer already. You agreed because you loved Jaehyun, and you wanted to get to know his family. Plus, every time you thought about it, you felt something pulling you in. For a brief moment, you wondered if that something was a higher power, but you shook the thought away. After all, you’d spent literal decades trying for a connection that clearly wasn’t gonna happen. So why now?
As you sat in the pew next to Jaehyun, you tried desperately to calm your racing thoughts. Thoughts of listening to another sermon about how basically everyone who didn’t do whatever they could to be perfect were destined for hellfire were rampant, and you were desperately hoping that the service would be different from the ones you were used to. Or at least, if it was all the same, you hoped that service would be short.
While you tried to stay present in the moment instead of drifting back to your childhood and getting stuck in memories, you heard the pastor start to speak. “Hello, everyone,” he said. “Thank you for joining us today.”
You heard a few people greet the reverend back before he said the opening prayer, and a sense of calm washed over you that you weren’t expecting. As you listened to the first few hymns, you started to wonder if maybe you could find the connection with the divine that you’d always wanted.
When it was time for the sermon, you felt nervous for the first time since you walked in the door. What was the pastor going to say? Would he turn out just like the pastor from your childhood church and spew hate from the pulpit? Or would he approach ministry more like Dongyoung did and emphasize love and truth above all else?
“Hello again, everyone,” the pastor began. “Before I begin today's sermon, I want to remind you all of something. I know I tell you this every week, but it always bears repeating. God love you, no matter what you've done, and you're on this earth because you are loved by Him.”
His words practically smacked you in the face, and before you could even try to stop it, you started to cry. The idea that he started every sermon that way made you far more emotional than you were prepared to handle, and you silently hoped the rest of the sermon wouldn't be as emotional.
However, things didn't usually go the way you hoped they would. The rest of the sermon was about helping those that need more support, both in life and their faith journeys. The entire time, you struggled to hold it together, but not because you were upset. Instead, it was because you felt more seen than you thought was possible, especially in a religous setting.
The reverend concluded his sermon by saying, “Find a way to show love to someone who needs it this week, and remember that it's ok if you need to show yourself a little bit of extra love.”
After the final hymn and closing prayer, Mrs. Jeong turned to you and said, “Follow me.” You did, and she brought you over to speak to her pastor. After she found him, she introduced him and explained that you were attending with her family for the first time.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” he said as he took your hand to shake. “I'm Reverend Suh.”
“Your sermon today was lovely,” you said, trying desperately not to start crying again.
“Thank you. It was an important one, I think. A lot of people forget to show themselves the kind of love that God has for all of us.”
With a sigh, you responded, “Yeah, I definitely think I fall into that category.”
Reverend Suh processed what you said, and after a moment of thought, he asked, “Would you like to pray with me?”
You hesitantly said yes, and Reverend Suh and Mrs. Jeong took your hands. After everyone bowed their heads, Reverend Suh prayed that you would find the peace you were looking for, and just like when service began, you felt uncharacteristically calm.
After the prayer, you thanked Reverend Suh and left with Mrs. Jeong to find her husband and Jaehyun. While you walked around the church, you wondered if maybe faith was for you, after all.
When you went back home after meeting Jaehyun’s parents, you had way more questions than answers. What did the way you felt during service mean? Was it the connection that you’d been seeking for most of your life? You had no idea. So, you decided to do the one thing that you never thought you would do. You prayed.
You asked whatever higher power was up there to tell you what they wanted from you, and as a show of good faith, asked for guidance to be the best mother that you could be to Jiyeon. Once you were done, you felt uncharacteristically calm, and once again, you wondered if the church you attended as a kid just wasn’t leading you down the path that you were meant to be on.
Throughout the next week at work, you wondered constantly about what it all meant. So, one day, during your lunch break, you downloaded a Bible app on your phone and started reading. Sure, you’d always preferred reading physical books to using apps, but you really didn’t want to spend money on something that you didn’t know yet if you wanted to explore further. Besides, using an app allowed you to compare translations in a way that made the text way easier to understand than when you’d had to study it as a kid. But before you knew it, your break was over, and you had to get back to work.
When you got home, the first thing you did was check on Jiyeon. Your little girl was perfectly content in Nayeon’s arms, looking like she was about to fall asleep any minute. So, you left the room, softly thanking Nayeon as you walked away, and went to the living room.
Once you were back to the living room, you did the same thing you’d done during your lunch break. You opened the Bible app you’d downloaded, selected a random book, and started to read. Almost right away, verses started to stand out in ways that they hadn’t before. You sort felt like you were losing it, if you were being completely honest with yourself. But at the same time, you felt more calm and focused than you ever had in previous attempts at studying the Bible.
Still, you couldn’t help but wonder, why now? Why after you’d already made mistakes that you were certain put you in the “too far gone to save” category? After you’d basically given up on the idea that any higher power or divine being would bother to listen to you? You had no idea, but you did know that the certainty that you were doing the right thing that settled into your gut as you grabbed a notebook and pen to write down the verses that stood out to you as you read was stronger than anything you’d ever felt before.
As you stared at the list of proverbs that you’d written down, you started to cry. You cried for the years that you’d spent wondering why you weren’t good enough for God to love you. You cried for the pain that came with walking away from a faith that kept your parents going but only made you want to give up when you were a kid. You cried for the parts of you that were still desperate for a sense of purpose, a reason that you belonged in the world around you. But most of all, you cried tears of joy because of the way that everything seemed to fall into place for you to find your way back.
You were so lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice Nayeon enter the living room and ask you what was wrong. You didn’t even realize she was there until she tapped your shoulder, causing you to jump. When you looked over to see your roommate and friend standing next to you, you quickly wiped your tears away with your sleeve and asked, “What’s up?”
“I asked you what’s wrong. I heard you crying.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” you answered, still fighting back tears.
“Bullshit.” As she looked at your frantic notes, she looked slightly uncomfortable and asked, “What’s all this?”
“Long story.”
“I have an hour before I need to be ready for a date with Jisoo. Try me.”
That was when you told her everything, from the way you felt going to church with Jaehyun’s parents to the fact that you were taking actual notes reading the Bible for the first time in your life. As you spoke, you started to cry again, and Nayeon pulled you into a hug.
“Listen, I’m gonna be honest with you,” she said. “I know that church isn’t for me. I tried, but it just isn’t. But everything you’re telling me makes me think it might be for you. Just, don’t go down any pipelines or anything. That won’t end well for anyone, including you.”
“I won’t,” you said, smiling for the first time in what felt like days. “I promise.”
“Thank you,” Nayeon said, looking like she was about to start crying too. After a brief silence, she asked, “Are you ok?”
With a sigh, you answered, “Yeah, I think I am. Thanks for listening.”
“It’s no problem. I’m gonna go get ready now, but if you need anything else, just let me know.”
“I will.”
After Nayeon the room to get ready for her date with Jisoo, you decided to find Jaehyun. Just when you started to get frustrated with looking for him, he walked in the door, and you said, “Hi, baby.”
“Hi, my love. Are you ok? You look like you’ve been crying.”
“Yeah, I’m dealing with some stuff.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked as he set his things down.
You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you practically collapsed next to him on the couch, hugging him so tight you were almost worried that you were going to hurt him. After you calmed down a little bit, you told him about what you were doing and asked, “How do you feel about continuing to go to church with your parents?”
“I think it sounds like a good idea. I’ve been thinking about it anyway. Besides, my mom will be thrilled.”
You laughed softly and said, “I don’t really know how to explain it. I just know that I need to do it, if that makes sense.”
“It does, and I promise I’ll be right there with you.”
“Thank you.”
After your conversation with Jaehyun, the two of you started to go to church together every week. With every service sitting in a pew next to the man you loved, you grew more certain that you were doing the right thing, and you were frankly ecstatic that you were finally starting to build the relationship with God that you’d been looking for since childhood.
Once you were certain that it was what you wanted, you went to a nearby bookstore to buy a physical copy of the Bible, instead of continuing to use an app. Sure, using an app had helped you start reading the book again, but for long-term study and reading, you really wanted to use a physical copy. Once you chose one that spoke to you, you found a pen and a set of highlighters so that you could take notes, and you were overjoyed.
On top of reading and studying the Bible itself, you spent hours researching different denominations and their beliefs, trying to understand where your own worldview fit into things. In the end, you decided that the denomination that Jaehyun’s parents’ church belonged to aligned with your values, and you were happy to keep attending with them. Plus, the fact that you got along so well with his family certainly helped your relationship with Jaehyun.
A few months after you started regularly attending church with Jaehyun’s family, Dongyoung arrived at your apartment to pick Jiyeon up and stopped to look at you for a minute, which he didn’t usually do. You wondered if you had something stuck in your teeth or something, but before you could ask, he said, “You look different.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re carrying yourself differently than you used to. You seem a lot calmer than usual. Did something happen recently?”
For a brief moment, you wondered if you should tell him about going to church with Jaehyun. You initially decided against it, but after another moment of thought, you said, “I mean, I started going to church again. Maybe that's it?”
“You what?” Dongyoung asked, clearly surprised.
“I know,” you said with a sigh. “When I met Jaehyun’s parents a few months ago, they invited me to go with them. I went, and actually felt something for the first time. I've been going to their church since, and I've never felt more at home.”
“Wow,” he said, his voice softening as he processed what you told him. “Not what I expected, but I'm happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
Dongyoung was quiet for a minute before he said, “I went back a few weeks ago. Ministry may not have been the right path for me, but I couldn't just walk away fron faith entirely.”
“I understand that,” you said as you helped Dongyoung pack his car with Jiyeon’s things. “For what it's worth, if it's what you want, I think you could find your way back to it.”
“Thank you,” he said, clearly trying not to show how emotional he was. After taking a moment to collect himself, he said, “If you ever wanna, you know, talk about it, or have any questions, I’d be happy to listen. No matter what it is, I'm sure I've wrestled with it on my own.”
“That means a lot to me. I might take you up on it at some point. I have some things I've been wondering about lately.”
“You know where to find me.”
With that, he got in his car, and you watched him drive away. Once he was out of your line of sight, you went inside to spend some quiet time with Jaehyun and think about how your life had changed so much in what felt like a short period of time.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 5,437
Genre: Angst, fluff
AU: Non idol AU, Teacher AU
Tropes: Friends to lovers to strangers
Rating: PG, but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Swearing, slightly toxic relationship near the end, Jihoon is a little obsessive about being the best, no happy ending. If you think I missed something though, please let me know!
Summary: Jihoon was willing to do whatever it took to be the best, even if it cost him his marriage.
A/N: This fic is an incredibly late submission for the Angst Olympics collab. I'm so happy to get this one out there! If you like it please check out the other writers that are part of this incredible project.
Also, Jihoon's personality in this one was heavily inspired by "Are You Satisfied?" by Marina, as you can probably tell from the lyrics in the banner.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @effervescentorbs, @okiedokrie-main, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @1-800-jewon, @myneurodivergentworld
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
When you first met Jihoon, you had no idea just how important he would become as you lived your life. All you knew was that the two of you were in the same physics class, and your teacher, Mr. Jeon, had just paired you up for a project. The details of the project made very little sense to you, but Jihoon understood all of it perfectly. You were honestly amazed by how quickly he seemed to grasp everything when it came to the course material, especially considering physics was a subject that you’d always struggled in.
You were smart, sure, but history and English had always been easier for you to understand than math and science, which seemed to be Jihoon’s strengths based on the fact that he always got the highest grades in your class. You sort of felt like an asshole for admitting it to yourself, but you couldn’t help but feel relieved when Mr. Jeon told you that you would be working with him.
One of the things that you learned very quickly about Jihoon was that he always felt like he needed to be the best. Of course, you learned it the hard way, by doing one of the simpler parts of the project to a standard that he considered unacceptable. You showed him your work during one of your meetings at his house, and when he looked over the sheet of equations, he looked at you with what you could only describe as disgust and asked, “Are you kidding me?”
“What do you mean?”
“All of these are wrong.”
“No, they aren’t. I checked them three times.”
“Then you didn’t check them correctly. Look,” he responded, showing you the mistakes that you’d missed. You wanted to leave in that moment, but your pride wouldn’t let you. So, you took the paper back with a huff and fixed the mistakes that Jihoon had pointed out. Once you were fairly sure you’d fixed everything, you gave the paper back to your partner, and he gave you a smile before he said, “See?”
You rolled your eyes in response and said, “Whatever, let’s just get this over with.”
The last time the two of you got together to put finishing touches on your project, Jihoon seemed a lot more nervous than usual. So, once the two of you were settled at his dining room table, you asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, I’m ok. Just nervous about this project, you know?”
You sighed and answered, “Yeah, I know. My whole grade is riding on this.”
“I sort of figured you were struggling. That’s why I’ve tried so hard to make sure everything is done the right way. I just wanted you to do well so that you pass. You’re smart. It’s not fair for you to fail because of silly mistakes.”
You smiled at his words and said, “Thanks for watching out for me.”
After that, the two of you finished the few things that still had to be done, and your project was officially complete. Strangely enough, though, you really didn’t want to leave. If you’d finished the project a few weeks ago, you would have practically sprinted to get out of Jihoon’s dining room and never spoken to him again. Sitting at the familiar table, though, watching the way he smiled at you, you really didn’t want to leave.
You snapped out of your thoughts when Jihoon said, “Would you want to stay for a bit longer? You don’t have to, of course, I just thought-”
“That sounds great.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. What do you wanna do now?”
“We could watch a movie if you want.”
“What movie did you have in mind?”
Jihoon led you to his living room and pulled a box out from under the coffee table. You were a bit confused at first, but when you saw the countless DVDs that filled the box, you understood what was happening. He dug through the box for what felt like an eternity before he pulled one of them out and passed the case to you as he asked, “What do you think about this one?”
You read the summary on the back of the case and thought for a moment. Sure, the goofy comedy wasn’t necessarily your thing, but you didn’t care at that point. So, you smiled and said, “I think it sounds great,” passing the case back to Jihoon.
Jihoon put the box back under the coffee table, stood up from his spot, and put the DVD in the player that was hooked up to his TV. Then, he led you to the couch, and the two of you sat next to each other with smiles on your faces as the movie started to play.
While you and Jihoon watched the movie, you talked about whatever came to mind, both related to the movie and related to your lives outside of school. He told you about his lifelong interest in physics, and you told him about how badly you wanted to be a teacher when you grew up. With a smile on his face and a look in his eyes that you couldn’t quite identify, he said, “I think you’d be an amazing teacher.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
You weren't entirely sure what changed after the project was finished. All you knew was that seemingly in the blink of an eye, you and Jihoon were practically inseparable. You even hosted a joint graduation party after your senior year ended, which is where Jihoon gave you the nickname “star.” You tried to ask him why he wanted to call you “star” of all things, but he refused to tell you. You decided not to press further, though. After all, it was cute.
After graduating high school, you and Jihoon both went to a nearby community college to study education, with both of you planning to become teachers after getting your degrees. It was actually during your last year of college that you realized that your feelings for Jihoon weren’t strictly platonic anymore. You were slightly embarrassed by the realization, especially considering it took so long, but you couldn’t get too mad at yourself. After all, you were pretty sure that Jihoon felt the same way about you.
You found out for sure that Jihoon reciprocated your feelings on a night that you were least expecting it. You’d gone to a party that your mutual friend Junhui was hosting, expecting a night of fun with your friends. What you found instead was a cold reminder of how alone you truly felt. The music was so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think, no one paid any attention to you unless they were asking you where to find someone else, and you couldn’t find Jihoon anywhere. After about an hour of being too overwhelmed to function, you found an empty bathroom, locked yourself in, and cried until you could hardly breathe.
You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard a knock on the door and Jihoon’s voice hesitantly ask, “Is everything ok in there?”
“I’m fine,” you choked out, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t press further.
“Come on, star. What’s wrong?” the other person, who you now knew was Jihoon, asked.
“Nothing, Ji. I’m fine,” you mumbled, though you knew that he knew you were lying.
“Are you actively using the bathroom?” Jihoon asked hesitantly.
“No. Why?”
“Let me in.”
“Dude what the fuck?”
“I’m not leaving you alone to cry in a bathroom, star.”
“I’m not crying,” you choked out through your tears.
“You know as well as I do that’s bullshit. Can I come in?”
With a sigh, you unlocked the door and let Jihoon in. The small bathroom was cramped, with both of you uncomfortably close, but neither of you really cared. The moment the bathroom door was locked again, you threw your arms around your best friend’s neck and sobbed, too overwhelmed to even begin to try to explain how you were feeling. While you cried, he rubbed your back and mumbled soft reassurances, telling you that everything would be ok and that you weren’t alone as long as he had any say in the matter.
Eventually, your tears stopped, and he asked, “Do you feel better after getting it all out?”
You nodded and answered, “Yeah, I do. Thank you.”
Jihoon smiled at your answer and said, “How about we go back out there? I think there’s a line anyway.” You practically deflated at the suggestion, so he thought for a minute before he added, “Maybe we could find a sort-of secluded area outside?”
You smiled a little bit at that and said, “That sounds really nice.”
With that, Jihoon unlocked the bathroom door, took your hand, and led you outside to an unoccupied corner of Junhui’s backyard. You both sat down in the grass, laughing together when you stumbled, and you spent the rest of the night talking about anything and everything while the party around you seemed to fall away.
As you talked and laughed with Jihoon, you found yourself thinking about him once again in ways that you were certain that he didn’t think about you. Still, there was a hint of curiosity as to whether he liked anyone at all, considering you never heard him talk about anything but his classes and frustrations with his professors.
Figuring that nothing interesting would happen, you asked Jihoon, “So, do you like anyone right now?”
“Oh, well,” he began, clearly surprised by your question, “I mean there’s one person that I’m interested in. I don’t know if those feelings are reciprocated, though."
“Oh, who is it?” you asked, hoping not to seem too nosy.
A faint blush creeped up Jihoon’s cheeks, and a shy smile formed on his face as he tried to form the words to answer your question. It took a bit of time, but eventually he managed to say, “I don’t think you’d know them.”
“That’s ok. I’d still like to know if you’re comfortable sharing.”
Jihoon seemed to contemplate whether he should answer your question for an eternity before he mumbled something that you couldn’t quite hear. You asked him what he said, and he repeated, “It’s you.”
You were so surprised by his answer, you didn’t speak for what felt like several minutes. When you snapped out of your thoughts and noticed that Jihoon seemed upset, though, you smiled and said, “Hey, I’m sorry. You were probably worried about making me uncomfortable, right?” He nodded, and you said, “I like you too.”
With a shy smile on his face, Jihoon leaned closer to you and kissed your cheek before he said, “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
“Should I say it again, then?” you asked, a teasing grin on your face as you admired the blush on Jihoon’s cheeks. He nodded, and you added, “I like you. A lot. I have for a long time.”
With slightly more confidence than he had before, Jihoon kissed you. As you kissed him back, he pulled you closer, with every movement full of love and care, almost like he was worried about hurting you still.
When he pulled away, he smiled and said, “Do you wanna come back to my place with me tonight?”
“That sounds nice,” you answered softly.
With that, you and Jihoon both stood, and you took his hand before he walked you back to his car. When you got there, he opened the door for you and let you get in, and you thanked him. Then he quickly got into the driver’s seat and took you back to his apartment.
When you got back to Jihoon’s apartment, the two of you stumbled inside, still talking and laughing about every little thing that came to mind. After your jacket and shoes were off, he led you to his room, offering you some of his clothes to sleep in. You both got changed, and you climbed into bed with him. Once you found a comfortable position, you fell asleep pretty much instantly, content with the events of the night and happy to have someone like Jihoon in your life.
One of the things about Jihoon that became abundantly clear over the course of your relationship with him was his desire to be the best. He took pride in the fact that he was at the top of your graduating class, and his drive every time he spoke about a difficult project made you fall even harder for him. Still, you were worried about him. After all, he could get obsessive in his desire to be the best, and your concern that he’d unintentionally hurt himself by pushing too hard only grew as your relationship developed.
You tried a handful of times to talk to Jihoon about your concerns, but every time, he gave you the same explanation about how he knew his limits and always took care of himself. You knew that wasn’t true, considering all the sleepless nights you’d held him through and the number of times you had to remind him to eat because he was so engrossed in a project, but you didn’t argue. Instead, you just said, “I love you. I just want you to be happy and healthy.”
“And I’m both of those things. I appreciate the concern, star, but I’m ok.”
“Ok, I trust you.”
While the stress of your final year of college did put some strain on your relationship, you came out the other side closer than ever. You loved Jihoon, and you knew that he loved you. He always treated you with the utmost respect, and while he was the more serious one compared to you, he also knew how to make you laugh and when you needed to laugh. You were happier than you ever thought you could be, and you were certain that it would last forever.
After you both earned your degrees, you got married in a small, intimate ceremony with your closest family and friends, celebrating the relationship that you’d built together over the years. Every moment of that day was perfect. Everyone that you cared about was present, the venue was everything you’d dreamed of since childhood, and you were marrying the man of your dreams. As you looked into Jihoon’s eyes and declared that you would love him for the rest of your life, no matter what, you felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
For years, you continued to feel like you were the luckiest woman on Earth. You were married to the love of your life, you lived in an apartment that you loved, and you had the job of your dreams. After graduating college, you’d gotten a job teaching advanced English at your former high school, and you loved every minute. Sure, a lot of your students were disrespectful and annoying, and there were some parents that just refused to cooperate with you when all you wanted was to help, but you still loved the work itself, which made everything worth it.
Around the same time that you got a job as an English teacher, Jihoon got a job at the same school teaching physics. You always teased him because he taught the same class that the two of you had met in as teenagers, but it was all out of love. You knew that your husband was passionate about science, and he loved to help others. Even when the two of you were students instead of teachers, he was always tutoring your classmates, getting excited every time that he helped someone understand a difficult concept.
The problem was that his obsession with being the best didn’t fade even a little bit as he settled into life as a teacher rather than a student. Instead, it actually grew more intense, with your husband spending nearly all of his free time that wasn’t spent with you finding ways to prove that he was “better” than the other teachers. Whether he was complaining about how limiting his lesson plans were or staying up far later than he should to try to figure out the best way to explain material that his students struggled with, his passion was obvious, but so was his disregard for nearly everything that didn’t center around work.
The only exception was you. No matter how engrossed he was in his work, he always made sure to make time for you. You had weekly date nights, he constantly surprised you with small gifts that he always said made him think of you, and he never took his work-related stress out on you. Every moment with Jihoon made you feel loved.
At least, until it didn’t.
A few years into your marriage, everything changed, and it all started with something that you didn’t expect. Well, you expected the event, but not its effects on your life and marriage. On a seemingly ordinary day, during the morning announcements, your boss, Dr. Yoon, said, "And last but not least, students, don't forget to cast your votes for the district's 'Teacher of the Year' award. My office will be open for an hour after school ends to vote, and voting ends in two weeks. Thank you, and have a wonderful day."
The announcements ended, and the rest of the day went on like normal until you and Jihoon went home together after work. The moment the car doors were shut, you asked, "Who do you think is gonna win the teacher of the year award?"
"Me, obviously," Jihoon answered, radiating confidence with every word. "I mean, I've won four years in a row."
"That's true. It's fun to wonder, though."
Jihoon mumbled under his breath, but you didn't push to find out what he said. You'd had a long day, and you just wanted to go home and spend some time with your husband. When you finally got home, though, he went right to his desk and got to work preparing materials for the next day’s lesson, seeming to forget you were even there. You considered saying something, but you decided against it, too tired to worry about anything but getting some sleep.
Two weeks came and went, and the day of the "Teacher of the Year" ceremony arrived. Jihoon was more confident than you'd seen him in months, and as the two of you walked into the auditorium, you were sure that nothing could ruin his mood.
Of course, you were proven wrong when Dr. Yoon stepped onto the stage after Vice Principal Hong's introduction.
"Welcome, everyone," your boss said, "to the 'Teacher of the Year' award ceremony. Before I announce our winner, I’d like to take a moment to thank all of our faculty for their contributions to this district. Never forget that all of you have had a positive impact on our students and changed their lives for the better, even if only one person can win this award."
Everyone in the auditorium clapped, and once the applause died down, Dr. Yoon continued, “Without further ado, our Teacher of the Year is Mr. Kwon!”
After more applause, Dr. Yoon went on about Mr. Kwon’s achievements as the school’s health and P.E. teacher, and the more you listened to your boss speak about the lengths your co-worker went to help his students succeed, the more strongly you felt that he deserved to be recognized for his effort to make real change.
Jihoon, however, disagreed, and he was livid that Mr. Kwon won the award. He spent the entire car ride home after the ceremony ranting about how Mr. Kwon wasn’t a real teacher and how he didn’t deserve the “great honor” of winning the award. But as he went on, it became increasingly obvious that it wasn't about Mr. Kwon or his teaching abilities at all. It was about the fact that someone other than him won.
You knew from the moment that the ceremony was announced that Jihoon wanted to win. He’d always wanted to be the best, and his method of measuring whether he was the best had always been validation from other people. You also knew that there were other ways to measure success, and you really wanted to help your husband.
You didn't manage to get a word in about any of that on the way home. Or after you got home, for that matter. But to be fair, after the tenth time Jihoon said, “I just don't understand why it was him,” you gave up on trying to reassure him and just went to bed.
Before the ceremony, you never went a day without feeling loved. In the weeks following the ceremony, however, Jihoon seemed fine with the fact that your relationship had taken a backseat to his work. You tried to be understanding when he cancelled dates or came home late from meetings with parents, but you would have been lying if you’d said that it didn’t hurt to feel so unimportant to your husband, especially so suddenly.
It started small. You’d had a horrible day at work, and during your lunch break, you texted Jihoon with a request.
You: Can we get takeout and watch a movie tonight? I’ve been so tired and just wanna relax with you after work.
Jihoon: Of course, love. I think that sounds wonderful. Where do you wanna get the food from?
You: Maybe that Thai restaurant that just opened?
Jihoon: Sounds good! What do you want? I’ll pick it up on my way home from my last parent conference tonight.
You looked at the restaurant’s menu online and told Jihoon what you wanted. He stopped replying to your messages after that, but you decided not to worry about it, since he frequently stopped responding to texts when he was busy. Besides, you didn’t need a text to confirm that your husband loved you.
After you finished work for the day, you texted Jihoon again to thank him for picking up dinner and went home. Once you were home, you immediately changed into your favorite pajamas and started looking through the DVD collection that you now shared with Jihoon. After deciding on a cozy romance movie, you cleaned your living room and put the movie in Jihoon’s old DVD player.
You waited for Jihoon to come home for almost an hour before you finally decided to cook dinner for yourself and watch the movie without him. At first, you were disappointed, since you were looking forward to the quality time with your husband. But as you got sucked into the plot of a movie, you forgot that he was even there, just enjoying the quiet time spent with your mind somewhere else.
When Jihoon finally came home about a half hour after the movie ended, he looked guilty. Before you could even ask him where the hell he’d been, he said, “I’m sorry. I was leaving the last parent conference and noticed Mr. Boo struggling to put new decorations up, so I offered to help. I know we had plans, but I couldn’t just leave him hanging like that.”
“You didn’t think to give me a heads up?” you asked, frustrated and hurt that he basically ignored you for hours on end. He said nothing in response, so you said, “Whatever. I’m going to bed early. Good night, Jihoon.”
“Good night, star,” he mumbled as you walked away.
After the movie night incident, things with Jihoon got slightly better. He still stayed late for additional parent conferences or to help a coworker, but now he at least remembered to tell you when he was staying late. Sure, you were still frustrated by how much more time he spent away from home, but you tried to tell yourself that everything would be ok.
The only problem with that was that even when he was home, he didn’t really acknowledge you. Sure, you knew that he was busy, but you didn’t understand why it was so hard to respond to a simple question like, “What do you want to have for dinner?” or “Can we talk about the plan for dinner with your parents this weekend?”
In the end, though, despite your frustrations, you tried to give him some grace and support his attempts to get better at his job. After all, he had hurt you, but he was still your husband, and you loved him more than you’d ever thought loving another person was possible.
You chose to keep it simple, buying him a cup of coffee on your way to work. You brought it to his classroom before the day began, and he smiled and said, “Thank you so much.”
“No problem, I love you.”
He didn’t say it back, simply turning his computer on and getting ready for the day. You wanted to be hurt and disappointed that the first time he spoke to you that day was thanking you for the coffee, but you refused to let yourself get upset at work. So, you walked back to your own classroom and got ready for another day of teaching.
At the end of the day, you considered trying to talk to Jihoon about how you felt about being ignored unless you were doing something for him, but you decided against it almost immediately. After all, you still wanted to hope that things would get better and that he’d stop caring so much about proving he was good at the job you knew he excelled in.
After the coffee incident, you tried to stay hopeful. After all, you wanted to believe that all the times Jihoon had forgotten you or treated you like you were unimportant were just a brief rough patch. Besides, when you spoke to him about going to your parents’ anniversary dinner, he seemed genuinely happy to go, and a small part of you dared to hope that he would actually start to balance work and the rest of his life better.
Your hope deflated like a sad balloon, however, when you recieved the following text an hour before the school day ended:
Jihoon: I’m so sorry, star, but I can’t make it tonight. Surprise science department meeting to go over last minute cirriculum changes for next year.
You: Are you serious?
Jihoon: I know, I’m sorry.
You: Whatever, it’s fine. I’ll talk to you tonight
With that, you went about the rest of your day, trying not to think about the situation with Jihoon. Sure, you understood that last minute commitments were part of life, but that didn’t change how you felt about it. You were frustrated with the teachers that were in charge of coordinating the meetings, and you were disappointed that once again, you were taking a backseat to work.
None of the family members that attended your parents’ anniversary dinner knew that, though. As far as they could tell, you and Jihoon were the same happy couple that you’d always been. In fact, you played the part so well that you almost believed it yourself, except for the little voice in the back of your head that cried out for a husband that still treated you like he loved you.
You finally decided that you were done being the only one fighting for your marriage on your tenth anniversary. It should have been a day to celebrate the love that you and Jihoon had for each other, but instead, he sat at his laptop revising lesson plans and emailing parents. Just like always, you'd tried to be understanding, but in return, you got a complete lack of acknowledgement unless he was asking you for more coffee.
The only exception, of course, was when he asked, “Star, would you be ok with it if we moved our date night?”
“What?” you asked, trying to keep your voice even.
“I know you were looking forward to dinner and the movies, but I've gotta completely redo my lesson plans because of those stupid revisions.”
“Can't this wait until summer break or something since, you know, it's for next year?”
“I wish, but Yoon has been up my ass about getting it done by the last day of school.”
You were pretty sure that wasn't true, considering Dr. Yoon was notoriously lax about deadlines, but you were too tired to fight about it. So, you sighed and said, “Sure, I'll cancel the date.”
“Thank you. I love you,” Jihoon said. You were quiet in response, so he loudly and playfully repeated, “I love you.” Again, you were silent, so he asked, “You're not gonna say it back?”
“Jihoon, I'm tired,” you answered, all of your attempts at being calm going out the window.
“That doesn't mean you can't tell me that you love me.”
“Well, to be honest, I don't think I do anymore.”
“You've gotta be joking,” Jihoon said, his voice holding a mixture of hurt and confusion.
“I'm not. I'm sick of taking a backseat to your work.”
“My work is important to me, and you know that,” Jihoon spat.
“Yes, I do, but I also remember when I was important to you.”
“Oh come on, you have to know that you’re important to me.”
“I used to, but not anymore.”
There was a moment of silence before Jihoon said, “I just want to do well at work. Why is that a problem?”
“That’s not the problem. The problem is that you treat me like I’m nothing to you unless I’m bringing you a fucking cup of coffee or telling you that I remembered to cancel our date like you asked.”
“That’s not-”
“Don’t you dare tell me it isn’t true,” you interrupted. “You just asked me to cancel our goddamn anniversary date because of a deadline we both know is bullshit.”
“Today is our anniversary?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes, it is," you answered coldly. “Whatever, I’m leaving.”
“Are you coming back?”
You didn't answer as you grabbed your purse and walked out.
The next morning, you came home from your parents’ house feeling more scared than you wanted to admit. You knew that you had to talk to Jihoon about it, but you really didn’t want to. After all, it made the decision to walk away finally feel real, and you were afraid that if you acknowledged the pain, it would consume you.
When you finally made yourself open the door, Jihoon was sitting at the table with papers in his hands, tears streaming down his face. Before you could say anything, he said, “We have a prenup, and there are no kids to worry about, so it should be quick and painless. I’m not gonna fight you on it. I know I haven’t been a good husband.”
You briefly considered making a comment about how the painless part felt like a cruel joke. How everything about the end of your marriage was painful. How the pain was eating away at you and how you would have given anything to not feel it all. But instead, you just sighed and said, “Thank you for the last ten years. I’m sorry it had to end this way.” There was a moment of silence before you said, “Last night I made arrangements to stay with my sister until everything is settled.”
“That’s good.” There was a moment of silence before Jihoon asked, “So, this is it, then?”
“I think so,” you answered.
The divorce was in fact quick, with you and Jihoon coming to an agreement on how to split shared property in far less time than you expected. You were correct about the process being painless, but you were incredibly relieved when it was all over.
The months following your divorce came and went, and it was time for the “Teacher of the Year” award to be given again. You didn’t pay any attention to conversations about it or the speculation about who it would be, though, far too focused on managing your own life to even try, but just like you always did, you still attended the ceremony.
After an introduction that you didn’t pay attention to, Dr. Yoon said Jihoon’s name, and suddenly you were hanging onto every word. You listened as your boss praised your ex husband’s dedication to his job and how every moment of it paid off, and it was all you could do to stay in your seat and stop yourself from crying.
After the ceremony, you went right home, wondering if Jihoon was happy with himself. After all, he got exactly what he wanted, but this time, you wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 843
Genre: Smut, Fluff
AU: Non idol AU
Tropes: Friends with benefits to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Smut (Unprotected sex, teasing, creampie, Yushi is a little shit). If you think I missed something though, please let me know!
Summary: Your relationship with Yushi goes in a new direction following a passionate night.
Nets: @winerys-collection, @mnemosynesjournal
A/N: This fic was an anonymous request that sat in my inbox for far too long. Sorry about that! I hope that you like this one, whether you were the person that requested it or not.
Shoutout to @effervescentorbs for being a sounding board while I was planning, and shout out to @1-800-jewon for the advice on writing the smut! I love y'all.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @notyourjaem, @shadowkoo
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
Just like every other party, Yushi went home with you. Truthfully, you had no idea how it happened this time. All you knew was that you loved watching him squirm as you moved your hand up and down his thigh while you drove. You could tell he was trying to maintain his composure until the two of you got back to his apartment, and you were proud of the fact that your actions had such a strong effect on him.
When you got back to your apartment building, you held his hand as the two of you walked up the stairs, and somehow that felt even more intimate than your actions in the car. It made you wonder if there really was a chance of the way you felt about him leading to more than just sex. Usually, you wouldn't have entertained the thought, but something about the way his hand felt in yours made you wonder this time.
Once you were through the door, Yushi pulled your dress off and pinned you to the door as he said, “You looked so fucking pretty in this dress, made me wanna tear it off right in the middle of the party.”
You stifled a moan as he attached his lips to your neck and said, “That’s why I wore it. Wanted you to look at me like that.”
He stopped kissing and biting just long enough to say, “Well you got exactly what you wanted. Couldn’t stop staring all night.”
“Then do something about it,” you said, enjoying his desperation.
“Wanna tease you first.”
You gave him an exaggerated pout and asked, “But why?”
“Cause you're so cute when you're desperate, baby,” he answered as he started to tease you over your underwear. A quiet whine slipped out of your mouth, and he added, “See? So fucking cute.”
“Fuck you,” you said in between whimpers.
“Well, if you insist,” Yushi replied with a soft laugh as he finally moved away from the door.
Without another word, you practically dragged Yushi to your room and finally got rid of the rest of your clothes while you watched him undress. Once your clothes were out of the way, you pushed him onto your bed and slowly lowered yourself onto his cock, already struggling to maintain your composure as you adjusted to how he felt inside you.
“Feels so good,” you whined as you moved against him.
“Fuck, I know, princess. Love the way you ride me.”
As you bounced on his cock, the room got surprisingly quiet. Typically, when you had sex with Yushi, it was loud and messy. But this time, both of you were too focused on how it actually to perform for each other the way you usually did.
Occasionally, Yushi would whisper, “Just like that, baby” or “Feels so good,” and all you could think about was how beautiful he looked when he was lost in pleasure.
As your high approached, you tried to warn Yushi like you usually did, but when you opened your mouth to speak, a loud moan slipped out instead. You held him close while you fell apart on top of him, and the sounds that came out as he came inside you could only be described as whines.
Neither of you said anything while you caught your breath, with both of you lost in your own worlds. While you continued to hold him close, you thought about how badly you didn't want him to leave and how badly you wanted more than sex.
After you calmed down, you carefully climbed off of Yushi, and both of you worked together to clean up. Then, you brought him some of the spare clothes that he kept at your place for nights just like this. As you both got dressed, you caught him staring at you, and the butterflies in your stomach that you’d tried to convince yourself didn’t exist came fluttering back to remind you of how you felt about Yushi.
A slightly awkward silence settled over the room after you were both dressed, and you broke it by asking, “Do you wanna stay tonight?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, why?” you asked, confused by his reaction.
“You don’t usually ask me to stay.”
“Well, I always want you to,” you mumbled.
“I’m happy to, for the record,” Yushi answered, seeming to notice how nervous you felt. After another moment of silence, he asked, “Do you wanna cuddle for a bit?”
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” you answered, getting back into bed and finally relaxing as Yushi followed suit and put his arms around you.
“You know, this is always my favorite part,” Yushi whispered before kissing your forehead.
“What do you mean?”
“Holding you close, reminding you how much I care even when we’re not fucking.”
“It means a lot to me, you know.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me.” Yushi was quiet for a minute before he added, “Do you maybe wanna go on a real date sometime?”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” you answered before kissing him softly.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 837
Genre: Fluff
AU: Non idol AU
Tropes: Established relationship
Rating: PG-13, but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: One suggestive joke. If you think I missed something though, please let me know!
Summary: Your wedding is everything you wanted it to be and more with Kuanjui by your side.
Nets: @winerys-collection, @mnemosynesjournal
A/N: I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this one. Shout out to @themoonlightfae for listening to me yell about this fic, and thank you to my love @effervescentorbs for giving me feedback on the banner! I love y'all so much.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
The day that you moved in with Kuanjui, he promised you that the two of you would be married within two years. You honestly had no idea if you believed him at the time, considering the fact that you'd never known him to be good at doing things within a specific time frame. But now, standingoutside of the hall where everyone you loved was waiting for you to walk down the aisle, you realized how foolish you were to doubt him. After all, when it mattered, he always kept his word.
Your bridesmaids entered the venue before you did, signaling to everyone that the ceremony was starting. As they walked toward the altar, your favorite song played from a small speaker at the front of the room. It was a soft, romantic ballad that you felt captured your relationship with Kuanjui perfectly, and as the time for your entrance came, you silently hoped your makeup wouldn’t be ruined by the tears that threatened to fall.
When the time for you to enter finally came, you carefully stepped into the room, eyes locked on Kuanjui to keep you grounded as you walked toward the beginning of the rest of your lives together. Once you were standing in front of him, he leaned closer and whispered, “Are you ready?”
“How could I not be?”
With a smile, you turned toward the officiant, and he went on for far longer than you wanted about the beauty of marriage and the importance of having someone in your corner. Sure, it was a beautiful speech, but you got more and more impatient with every word. You really just wanted to get to the part where you could declare your undying love and exchange the rings. So, while you waited, you fantasized about the rest of your life with Kuanjui.
Your focus was quickly pulled back, however, when it was finally time for the vows and exchanging of rings. Kuanjui read his first, and when he took your hand, a feeling settled in the pit of your stomach that told you that you were exactly where you were supposed to be.
With a smile, he said your name and began, “When we moved in together, I promised you that we would be married within two years. Now, a year later, we’re exactly where I promised you we’d be. I hope that just goes to show that I do know how to get things done.” You laughed softly, and he continued, “Now, as we walk into marriage together, I promise to love and protect you for the rest of my life. I promise to always act with your best interests in mind, and I promise that you will always have a safe place to come home to for as long as I have a say in the matter. I love you.” Then, with his eyes shining, he gently slid your ring onto your finger.
When Kuanjui finished his vows, the officiant turned to you, and you cleared your throat before you said, “Kuanjui, you’ve been my rock for four years now, and I can only hope that I’ve been able to support you in the same way over the course of our relationship.” You started to tear up as you spoke, so you took a moment to breathe before you said, “It’s been an honor to love you, and I swear that I will continue to love you with everything I have for as long as I live.” After you finished speaking, you carefully put Kuanjui’s ring on his finger and said, “I love you.”
By that point, both you and Kuanjui had started to cry, your makeup and his smudging as the two of you struggled to catch your breath. Once both of you collected yourselves, however, the officiant said, “Now that you’ve exchanged vows and rings, it is with great joy that I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
The first time you kissed Kuanjui as a married couple felt like magic. You got so lost in the way his lips felt on yours, in fact, that you almost forgot that you still had the rest of the wedding to go to. You were swiftly reminded, however, when you heard your friend Haru yell, “Get a room!”
When you pulled away, you looked into Kuanjui’s eyes and saw a combination of love and awe that you swore you’d never seen before, as you took his hand to walk out of the hall, you hoped that he’d keep looking at you just like that for the rest of your life.
As you made your way to the area of the venue reserved for the cocktail hour and reception, you laughed and said, “I can’t believe we’re married now.”
“Why is it such a shock? I told you I would marry you, didn’t I?”
“Well, yeah, but-”
“No buts, my love. You should know by now that I always keep my promises.” he said as he softly kissed your forehead.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 955
Genre: Fluff, comedy
AU: Non idol AU
Tropes: Established relationship, domestic fluff
Rating: PG, but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Just a little bit of swearing. If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!
Summary: Your girlfriend surprises you with newly assembled furniture.
Nets: @winerys-collection, @mnemosynesjournal
A/N: This fic is a gift for my love @effervescentorbs. Happy birthday!! I love you so much.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
When you walked into Jiwoo’s apartment, you heard far more banging and swearing than you expected. At first, you wondered if her roommate, Sooyoung, was working on another “D.I.Y. project,” but when you heard a sweet, familiar voice angrily yell, “Fuck!” you knew that it was Jiwoo. So, you slowly and carefully walked through her living room, looking for the source of the sound to determine if anyone was injured or otherwise in distress.
“Honey, do you need help?” you called as you walked through the kitchen toward Jiwoo’s bedroom.
“I’m fine, babe!” Jiwoo shouted back. “Just trying to get this fucking thing to stay put!” You heard more banging as she spoke, and you wondered what the hell was happening.
“What are you doing?” you asked as you entered her room.
“Oh, this!” she said, frantically turning around to show you the dresser that she’d just finished assembling.
It was small, barely fitting next to the one she already had, and it looked like it might fall apart if you touched it the wrong way, but you knew she’d put a lot of effort into putting it together. So, you smiled and said, “I’m so proud of you, my love. But, why?”
She looked shy as she answered, “You know how you’ve been spending the night here more?”
“Yeah?”
“I thought having a dresser to store your stuff in would make it easier,” she answered, fidgeting and blushing as she tried to explain. “Instead of bringing stuff with you every time like you have been, you could just keep some of your clothes here. I even got you a new toothbrush to keep with mine.”
You didn’t say anything for a minute, stunned that she took the time out of her already chaotic schedule to do something like assembling furniture just to make it easier for the two of you to spend time together. When you noticed that she looked worried, though, you smiled and said, “Thank you. It was a wonderful idea.”
“Are you upset?” she asked, clearly still nervous.
“Not at all. Just surprised, honestly. You assembled a dresser by yourself for me?”
“Well, I asked Sooyoung for help, but she had to work. And of course I did it for you. I love you.”
Without another word, you pulled her into a hug, struggling to comprehend exactly how you found someone like Jiwoo, who was always willing to go above and beyond if it meant making you happy or just making life even a little bit easier. As you held her close, you silently hoped that the two of you would spend the rest of your lives loving each other.
You didn’t know how much time had passed with the two of you silently holding each other close, but next thing you knew, you heard Sooyoung yell, “I’m home, Ji! Did you get that dresser put together?”
Jiwoo stepped away to yell back, “Yep! It was a pain in the ass but I did it!”
“That's great!” Sooyoung said as she passed by Jiwoo’s room to get to hers. “I’m going to Jinsol’s place for a girls’ night, so I'm not gonna be back until tomorrow. I'm just stopping by to grab the overnight bag I keep in my room.”
“Ok, have fun!” you and Jiwoo said at the same time.
After Sooyoung left, Jiwoo asked, “Do you wanna go get some of your clothes to keep here?”
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
With that, the two of you left to go back to your apartment. The drive was unusually quiet, with you focused on driving and Jiwoo keeping her eyes closed as she enjoyed the silence. It was common for Jiwoo to just rest whenever the two of you were in the car together, and you loved being able to give her a few moments of peace within the chaos of life.
When you got to your apartment, the two of you worked together to gather some of your clothes, as well as a few skincare products and a bottle of your favorite body wash to keep at Jiwoo and Sooyoung’s place. Once you finished packing everything, you drove back.
Once your stuff was inside, you worked together to fill the new dresser while Jiwoo showed you her newly expanded vinyl collection. As you decided where you wanted to put the clothes that you’d brought with you, she showed you each album and told you a little bit about it, like when it was released and fun facts about the songs.
“This one came out in 2019!” she said, her eyes sparkling as she showed you Miracle Pill by the Goo Goo Dolls. “I still can’t believe I managed to find it at a thrift store of all places.”
“I remember when you sent me some of the songs right after we started dating,” you said as you folded a pair of pants to put them in the dresser.
As you listened to Jiwoo talk about her favorite songs and all of the reasons they were significant to her, you thought about how much you loved it when she shared the things she loved with you. Every time she showed you another piece of her world, you fell just a little harder, and all you wanted as you put the last of your things away was to continue falling for her every day for the rest of your life.
After your things were put away, you pulled Jiwoo into a hug and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For doing this for me. For everything you do for me.”
“You know I do it because I love you, right?”
“I know. That’s exactly why it means so much to me.”
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
SUMMARY | When a weekend cabin trip traps you and Myungsoo in the same bedroom, ten years of forced normalcy and agonizing avoidance completely unravel.
PAIRINGS | Myungsoo (L) x Fem!Reader
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+, Any Minors and Ageless Blogs will be blocked
GENRE | smut, angst drama, yearning
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, profanity, a lot of angst with happy ending, exes to lovers au, old flames, forced proximity, miscommunication, yearning, meddling friends, alcohol, storm, power outage, kissing, caressing, unprotective sex (wrap it up folks), lovemaking more than fucking, praising, creampie, teasing
AUTHOR’S NOTE | Hi folks! It's been a damn long time since I wrote for my loves Infinite. I haven't wrote for them since my AFF days and that was years ago. I had so much fun writing this! Thank you @lovetaroandtaemin for beta-reading this fic and I'm glad you loved it 💚 And for other writers looking to write for groups that aren't common on the blr, write that fic! I'm for sure going to start writing for the older groups because us old folks still exist haha. Hope you all love and enjoy it. And if you haven't, check out Infinite and/or check out Myungsoo's dramas (what a hearthrob that man is).
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Friends are Infinite (Group Chat)
Gyupa - "Weekend cabin trip!"
Kim Myungsoo looks at the text that Sunggyu sends in the friend group chat with a frown. Of course. Another chance for Sunggyu to make his single friends his targets. To be honest, he wouldn't mind it if was just the guys and their partners. But when he sees your name on the list, he slams the laptop shut, leaning back in his chair, suddenly wishing that he didn't have this Friday off and had made some excuse.
Myungsoo's spent the last several years purposely not thinking about you. He couldn't help it anyway. He knew as soon as he dropped you off for that overseas flight and got in his car to drive home, there was no coming back from it. After what happened that day, all that crying, fighting, the messy breakup, his mind couldn't handle any more memories. It would only make things worse.
So that’s what the last decade has been, pretending as if everything is okay. It’s even worse now. One of his best friends got married to your younger sister a couple of years back and it was even more impossible to ignore your name. He sees you often, sometimes with a boyfriend who never lasts very long.
"It's been like what, ten years, and you still can't get over her?" Dongwoo says, taking a gulp of beer.
"Shut up, will you?" Myungsoo groans.
"If you had stopped her from going on that plane, you'd already be married and have mini-Myungsoos and Y/Ns running around," Sungyeol smirks. Myungsoo could punch him right now.
"And how is things with your current girlfriend? The model, right? How's that going?" Myungsoo questions, in a childish voice.
"Jinkyung loves me, thank you very much." Sungyeol retorts.
"Okay guys, please, let's not argue," Dongwoo interferes, his voice pleading. "Y/N will be there no matter what. Eunha insisted that her sister be there."
Myungsoo still can't believe that Dongwoo got with Y/N's younger sister. They had never even interacted that much, not even at any parties or friendly gatherings. However, Dongwoo has always been a charismatic kind of guy. Everyone liked him, and when Eunha came into the picture, it was almost impossible to avoid it. You and Myungsoo couldn't avoid each other, no matter how hard you tried . You both just mastered the art of being "normal" in one another's presence.
He knew you were seeing other people, sometimes for just a few months, other times it seemed longer. He tried too, but no matter how many dates he went on or how much time he invested, he couldn't truly commit, They just weren't you.
"I'm heading out," Dongwoo waves, shouting to the male occupants in Myungsoo's apartment. "Eunha wants me home so that we can get packing."
"Yeah, yeah," Myungsoo waves, noticing that Sungyeol is grabbing his jacket and keys to leave as well. "See you guys in the morning."
Dongwoo leaves first, followed shortly after by Sungyeol who shouts that he'll call Jinkyung and convince her to come along. Sighing, Myungsoo lies across the couch, arms under his head, eyes glued to the ceiling.
Another get together with the guys and their girlfriends. Okay, he could handle it. He did it plenty of times over the years and survived. It sucks when he's the only single person, well apart from you, but hey, at least you're someone he can comfortable be around. Just a trip with friends, he could do this.
Right?
You drop your weekend bag when Sunggyu tells you that you'll be riding with Myungsoo since everyone else's cars are packed to the brim.
"Seriously, I can ride with Dongwoo and Eunha," you mumble as you hand your bags to Myungsoo, who wordlessly packs it along with his own things in his car.
Your sister elbows you softly before leaning in to whisper, "Stop that and act normal. You've been friends for all this time and now all of a sudden you don't want to be alone with him?"
Eunha knows how you feel towards your college flame. She was the only one you could turn to when things ended abruptly and without closure. It hurt, not knowing if the love you had shared was really real, or just a fleeting thing between two college students. You had both wanted different things and in the end it ended badly, not that you were expecting anything different. In those kind of relationships, that's what it was bound to be.
When you came back home from your overseas trip, she could see that something had changed, you were different, somehow, even if you were only gone for a a few years. It took weeks and lot of alcohol to confess about what happened with you and Myungsoo, how you both got into an argument on the drive to the airport, how you yelled at him that he wasn't supportive of your dream to study overseas and to travel, how he was holding you back and you were suffocating from being around him. Then, it just snowballed downwards from there and things that shouldn't have been said were thrown back and forth, and the next thing you knew, you were staring at your reflection in the plane window, trying not to breakdown while the plane taxied onto the runway.
You knew it was your fault. You should have never yelled at him in the first place, or accused him of not wanting the best for you. He loved you, after all, why would he try to stop you from doing what you had always dreamed of? Myungsoo had dreams too, and sometimes you felt selfish wanting him to choose you over it, but it still didn't change the fact that it was your dream.
When you asked him if he was going to choose you and come with you, you didn't expect the answer you heard. He didn't think about choosing, he couldn't put himself and his dreams before his family's, that's what it seemed like at least. They needed him back home, in that small town where they couldn't afford to have one less set of working hands, and it hurt so badly when he had told you. It wasn't that he wasn't supportive, it was more that he felt responsible for his family and their financial well-being. You were so wrapped up in yourself that it seemed like your own world.
Did you hate Myungsoo, after that happened? Maybe a little bit, at the beginning, but eventually, after time had past, you missed him and wished that things had been different.
You learned over time that life moved on and things happened for a reason, or for the worst. What happened with him made you stronger, or so you liked to tell yourself. You graduated school and went traveling as planned. You came back to Korea a few years later, landing a decent job at an upscale marketing firm where you stayed to this day. You learned that Myungsoo was working at a design firm in a separate part of the city, and you were happy that he was able to achieve something he loved. From what your younger sister had shared with you, he was doing well for himself and had finally bought a nice apartment. You both learned to co-exist around the others, remaining cordial and friendly, no signs of anger or tension around you or him.
Well, you aren’t cordial at this exact moment as your fingers grip the bag resting on your lap. Myungsoo stays relatively quiet throughout the first hour or so, save the few grunts and slight teasing comments. You sigh heavily, crossing your legs and arms.
"Seriously Myungsoo, can't we listen to the radio for something? This silence is kind of deafening," you whine. "Also, not sure if you remembered or not, but I'm a little prone to carsickness, so I need to stay entertained."
The raven-haired male side glances towards you before fixing his vision on the empty road in front of him. It would be another three hours until you got to the cabin and there was hardly any traffic, perfect weather to head there early. "Fine," he agrees quietly, switching the radio on. You sit for a little while, occasionally humming along with whatever song that played.
"Are you even into any idol groups nowadays or even into this sort of music?"
He lets out an exasperated laugh. "Excuse you, I keep myself updated. Actually, a friend of mine sings."
"Wow, never thought you to be the type," you mutter, stifling a laugh.
"Ha ha, so funny."
You feel anxious sitting together in the same vehicle with the person you had been avoiding for nearly a decade now. Not much has changed really, he still had those model like features, but they had matured into something sharper. The once lithe, slim frame had filled out quite a bit.
"What?" his voice fills the silence.
"Huh?"
"You were staring," Myungsoo glances sideways, giving you an awkward look, wondering why you were staring at him for so long.
"I wasn't!" You say, brushing the accusation off quickly, looking out the passenger side window. You can tell he doesn't believe you, but there’s no further comment. You hum along with the tune playing on the radio to help distract from the strange atmosphere surrounding the two of you, wishing you were already at the cabin with everyone else instead of trapped alone with Myungsoo in this car.
"Why are you nervous?" He asks, and the question comes out quiet, a little hesitant. His voice is softer than it has been the whole car trip. You swallow, turning to face the view out the windshield. It’s suddenly become difficult to put together a simple sentence.
"Me... nervous?" You swallow again, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed in your throat. "You seem a bit nervous though?"
Myungsoo does indeed seem a little fidgety, and it does seem a bit strange. "Am I?"
"Yes, you are," you nod your head. "Unless my intuition has finally lost it's touch and is just sending me false signals..."
"It's not false," Myungsoo agrees with a light laugh, as if trying to get rid of the extra tension between you. "Let's say it's real. Why would I be nervous?"
"I have no idea, but since when did Kim Myungsoo show his emotions like this? He used to keep everything bottled inside."
"You seem to know me rather well then."
"Was that a challenge?" You shoot him a challenging look.
"I know you rather well too." He flashes you a smirk. It's such an expression, one that is usually saved to throw a girl, or anyone really, off. And it works rather well.
"Okay, that is actually pretty true," you admit, trying to stay in control of your body. Control? You wanted to snort, there is no way for that when you had your first crush, on someone like Kim Myungsoo. It didn't help at all to add the fact that the man was hot, way too handsome for his own good. Even more so than his college self. "Anyways... how's life been, I know from Eunha it's been quite eventful." You struggle to think of something, anything to steer the conversation elsewhere.
"Same-old, work has been good. Well... everything has been good." A small smile dances on his lips. "How about you?"
"It's been great. Work is good," you smile, placing your right leg on top of the left, playing with a loose thread on your jacket.
"Still... single?" The word rolls off his tongue easily as he watches your body language change a little, but it’s almost unnoticeable.
"Unfortunately," you laugh, hiding the growing pit in your stomach. "You? Seeing anyone? Last I heard, you and Haesol were on and off for quite awhile." You honestly tried to stay away from that part of news regarding him, but some things couldn't be avoided, especially when friends who shared similar mutuals knew of this information and wanted to gossip about their close friends with each other.
Myungsoo looks uneasy, probably because he doesn't enjoy the topic of past flings, but it was going to pop up sooner or later, why delay it any further? "I wouldn't call it 'seeing someone'..." he mumbles quietly, glancing from the road and back towards the empty road.
"So, fuck buddy? One-night stand? Whatever floats your boat," you answer back casually, shrugging. The reaction you were expecting was him gasping, spluttering, or choking on the air as the words flowed out, however, it was not the response. Instead, you watch his gaze return onto you, and a smirk decorates his otherwise expressionless face, eyes twinkling with mischievousness.
"Jealous?"
"Hell no."
You both stare, for who knows how long, until finally, Myungsoo clears his throat and faces the open road ahead. You wished you could say you were a hundred percent lying about the whole ordeal, but damn it, he caught onto the tinge of jealousy laced in that quick reply. "Haesol and I weren't really that compatible." he continues, ignoring the small jibe. "So we split up. It was no big deal."
You nod silently, relieved that the current conversation was shifting to a safer direction. For the remainder of the drive, there’s nothing but small-talk and a few random things said. Finally, Myungsoo turns onto a gravel and dirt road that leads towards the cabin. From the back, you could see a handful of vehicles parked, and a few figures gathered by the large deck outside.
"Here we go," he comments, coming to a stop, placing the car in park.
"Good luck," you reach over to pat him on the shoulder, "You're gonna need it when the girls roast you for being single."
He laughs, unlocking his door. "You're single too. Remember?"
"Fuck," you whisper, scrunching your face into an exaggerated grimace. He lets out a chuckle, hopping out of his car, going to retrieve both his and your bags. You give a weak smile, throwing a quick wave at the approaching couples that made it in first.
Sungyeol waves first, followed quickly after with the rest, then immediately stops and scrunches his face.
"What? No hug?" Sungyeol makes an exaggerated show of making himself bigger, spreading his arms out wide.
"Nope. Not doing this. No," you smile, shoving him aside, "you can hug Myungsoo."
"Is my love not enough for you anymore!?" Sungyeol fakes being offended, putting on a fake hurt expression.
Jinkyung, his girlfriend, scoffs. "Go hug that weirdo." She smacks him across the chest, shaking her head.
"That weirdo?" Myungsoo interrupts from behind, arching a brow. "Gee, thanks, love you too."
"Did anyone pack a can opener by any chance? Dongwoo and I wanted to cook something to pass the time," Eunha hollers from inside the cabin, followed by the sounds of rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.
Sunggyu and his wife, Jinhee, tell everyone to just relax and take it easy, no plans. The married couple had made it a yearly tradition have a cabin getaway with friends and they thought it would be the perfect time, seeing that both Woohyun and Sungyeol, being part owners of a restaurant chain, were in need of a little vacation.
"I packed one!" Hyoae, Sungjong's girlfriend, pipes up excitedly, putting her hand up like a student in elementary, searching her bag quickly. She produces a can opener and presents it to her boyfriend with the widest smile, grinning with pride.
"There! We should be able to manage," Sungjong returns Hyoae's smile, patting her on the head before handing it over to Dongwoo.
"Did we pack enough food?" Woohyun pipes up, noticing the duffel bag he was carrying is heavier than it was before. "Honey, what did you pack in here?" he looks at Jooyeon, his fiance.
"I kinda got carried away," she confesses, putting her face down, slightly embarrassed. Woohyun doesn't mind at all though, laughing at his over-enthusiastic partner, finding it rather cute actually.
You stand next to Myungsoo, the both of you looking at the lovesick couples before you, almost grossed out by how cute they could be. "Gross."
"Room assignments!" Sunggyu calls out, and you look at him like he's crazy. “Rooms will pair off as follows—”
Woohyun cocks an eyebrow. “We’re literally already paired off.”
Sunggyu glares at him. “LET ME HAVE THIS.” He clears his throat dramatically. “Woohyun and Jooyeon. Dongwoo and Eunha. Sungjong and Hyoae. Sungyeol and Jinkyung. And finally—”
"Myungsoo and Y/N!" Jinhee finishes for him, waving her hand around casually, as if she was mentioning the weather outside or something of no importance. Sunggyu pouts at his wife and she rolls her eyes. "Honey, you were taking forever."
You practically gape, giving both your heads of friends a surprised look, "Wait... what?! Seriously? You want us to sleep... in the same room as each other?!"
"I thought the cabin had 7 rooms?" Myungsoo tilts his head at Jinhee, brows crinkling together as if he was thinking about something.
Sunggyu quickly chimes in, "Oh right! About that, me and the missus stored furniture and junk in one of the rooms when we were renovating the cabin, we just haven't found the time to get the old things out so that's why there's no extra room this time.."
"This sucks..." Myungsoo voices your thoughts perfectly, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I'll just sleep in the living room then."
"Don't be an idiot," you smack his shoulder, giving him a deadpan look. "You'll freeze and probably catch a cold."
"But if I sleep with you..." he mumbles under his breath, more for him than anyone else, eyes diverting.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing."
You don't believe it for a minute but just let him be, pushing the matter aside.
"So now that's settled, let's just chill for a while," Sunggyu declares. The sun is still out, so a few people volunteer to make lunch. In the end, it’s Dongwoo, Eunha, Sungjong and Hyoae who make lunch with Hyoae also baking the cake for dessert.
"I brought a whole stash of board games, so pick whatever you want, and we'll set it all up later," Woohyun tosses the plastic bag of games to Sungyeol who digs around through the bag. "Did anyone bring extra alcohol? Truth or Drink would be a good game too."
Everyone gives a thumbs up, assuring they do indeed have their own stash, and with that, Woohyun clasps his hands together, nodding and deciding to lounge in the living room and catch up with everyone.
You find yourself zoning out during most conversations. You would have participated a lot more than usual had the idea of sharing a bed with a certain Kim Myungsoo not flashed through your mind constantly. Everyone knows that you and he had a past relationship, but honestly, it’s better to be stuck with him than someone you barely even know.
But your heart still feels weird, and you definitely can't concentrate fully. Maybe you should try and put distance between you and him? But that’s pointless. It’s just a harmless trip, friends going up for a short time away from civilization. So far, everyone seems normal, including Myungsoo, who’s engaging in an argument over something stupid. Yeah, just keep it together and it'll turn out okay. You mentally make up your mind and keep up a determined stare.
You’ll stick close to the girls for most of the trip and distance yourself from Myungsoo a little. You’ll remain friends, and there’s nothing else beyond that. You think that, but not even an hour later, you’re staring at Myungsoo's half-naked body while he frolicks with the guys in the creek behind the cabin.
"You're staring," Eunha's soft voice enters your ears.
"Huh?" You snap out of your haze, tearing your eyes from the raven-haired man, turning towards your younger sister. "No I wasn't."
"Girl," Jinkyung rolls her eyes, "even a blind person can tell you're still interested in him."
"I'm not interested!" You snap, before you catch your mistake and cover your mouth with one hand.
"Uh-huh," Jooyeon coos, rubbing her palm over yours, "If you're not gonna stare, I will."
"I'm telling Woohyun on you!" You retort.
She laughs, putting her free hands up. "Okay, okay!" she laughs, knowing you don't mean a word of the threat. "But there's nothing wrong with looking. I'm sure he worked hard for that bod being in the marines and whatnot during his enlistment service."
You find yourself stealing another glance towards where Myungsoo is. They are splashing water and pushing at each other, like a bunch of teenagers rather than grown adult men. But you find Myungsoo immediately, moving and pulling himself back up on the rocks, eyes immediately fixing on his abs. He was always muscular back in the day, but damn, Myungsoo is sporting a nice body that puts his younger self's to shame, especially with the light sheen of water droplets decorating his smooth skin.
"They look good, don't they? All wet and strong," Hyoae smiles, adding fuel to the fire, making a point of waving her finger over the six wet males. You watch as Hyoae wiggles a finger at Sungjong and laughs lightly. "My Jongie," she coos, beckoning him, and she runs straight into his arms as Sungjong holds his out and embraces his lover tightly in his wet body. You sigh to yourself, wishing you were the lucky one.
"You've been sighing a lot today. If we could translate those sighs..." Jinkyung puts a finger to her temple, "I would say something like... I really want a boyfriend, and for that boyfriend to be my hot, wet, naked crush out there, holding my body close. Oh the things I would do-"
You slap a hand to Jinkyung's mouth and narrow your eyes dangerously. "If you so much as speak another word, I will smack you."
"Oops..." Jinkyung places her hands up, but then grins wickedly. "But really though. What was Myungsoo like? Like in... bed and stuff, did he give-"
"No!" You slap a hand to your own mouth as the other girls dissolve into laughter.
"Tell me you at least got laid good when you two dated," Jinhee retorts.
"I am not going to talk about my sex life with you all," you groan and rub your face.
The ladies laugh in chorus, enjoying each other's company, unaware that the six soaked men have already exited the waters and are standing only a few feet away.
The others approach first, in various states of being dried off and Sunggyu waves, gaining the girls' attention. He wraps Jinhee in his arms, smacking a kiss on her cheek. "Oh! Ohohoho, here comes the wet, naked and hot, as promised."
"Gross," you feign a look of disgust, looking away only to catch Myungsoo standing directly in front of you, his six pack abs glistening with beads of water. You bite your lower lips, feeling your face heat up for staring way too long. "I'm going in," you quickly utter and rush inside the cabin before he can say a word.
The cabin door slams behind you, the sound echoing louder than it should. Your pulse is still racing from the sight of him — water‑slick skin, the curve of his waist, the way he looked at you like he knew. You lean against the counter, trying to breathe.
You hear the front door open behind you — heavy footsteps, the soft thud of someone drying their hair with a towel. You don’t need to turn around to know who it is. His presence hits you like heat.
“Myungsoo, don’t,” you mutter, staring straight ahead.
The footsteps slow, stop behind you. The sound of him breathing is so, so quiet. He's so quiet.
Suddenly, you turn, and you're shocked to see him within reaching distance. If either of you take one step closer, the tips of your toes will touch, your chest will graze his. You lift your gaze up, catching his dark eyes with your own. The silence stretches out before either of you can dare to speak.
"Why not?" His tone is smooth and low. The air feels charged, and you inhale deeply, licking your suddenly dry lips. It feels wrong, seeing him so exposed, almost vulnerable. He continues his torture. "What's holding you back?"
It seems wrong, talking to him so seriously while his skin is mostly bare for your viewing pleasure. He shouldn't have those muscles, not the firmness around his middle, not the ridges that disappear under his pants. And those thick arms, the shoulders that look like they could hold up the entire universe, hold it all together, shouldn't be so... kissable.
Your throat goes dry, your cheeks burn, and all you can imagine doing is pressing your palms up the sides of his stomach, kissing him like he wants. You don't even hear the thunder roaring or feel the cabin trembling because everything seems so small and insignificant now.
"Go put on a damn shirt," you snap, shoving past him to walk briskly to the bedrooms.
"Were you staring?" He calls, laughter dancing through his question.
"That was not staring!"
He laughs again and you slam the bedroom door. The last thing you hear from him is: "Cute."
"Power’s out!" Sunggyu calls from somewhere in the cabin. There is a loud crash, a sudden wave of curses, and the sound of someone hitting the wall hard, followed by the cry of pain. It's pitch black and hard to move around. "There's some flashlights and candles in one of the closets. Myungsoo, Y/N, mind looking?"
"Sure," Myungsoo replies.
There is the shuffling of clothes, followed by footsteps. Suddenly, a cold hand wraps around your wrist, "I got you."
"How'd you know it was me?" You let him lead you forward, surprised by how quickly he can find his way around in the dark.
He shrugs, opening one of the closets before you and rummages through a box of items before producing a package of flashlights. "I could tell it was you."
"Yeah?" you ask.
"Maybe," he answers, flicking on the flashlight. It glows a dim light, before dimming just as suddenly. He frowns, checking the flashlight once again. "Dang. We need the good batteries."
Somehow, the door to the closet is shut, and suddenly his arms are caged on either side of you. The dim, flickering beam of the dying flashlight does nothing to illuminate the closet; it only casts long, sharp shadows across the planes of Myungsoo’s face. The space is suffocatingly small, smelling of old cedar, rain-dampened wood, and the intoxicating, clean scent of his skin.
"The batteries," Myungsoo murmurs, his voice a low, gravelly vibration in the dark. "They're... up there."
He shifts, his broad chest brushing flush against yours as he reaches upward. You gasp softly at the friction, your back pressing hard against the shelves behind you. The movement brings him entirely into your space. Because of the cramped quarters, he can't just reach up; he has to lean his weight fully into you to stabilize himself.
"Myungsoo," you breathe, your hands automatically coming up to find purchase. Your palms land flat against his bare, warm chest. The contact is electric. You can feel the rapid, heavy thudding of his heart beneath his ribs, mirroring your own wild pulse.
"Hold still," he whispers. His voice is strained now, the playful confidence from the kitchen entirely gone, replaced by a thick, heavy gravity.
He stretches higher, his abdomen flexing hard against your stomach. Every muscle in his torso is defined, moving against you with agonizing slowness as his fingers sweep blindly across the dusty top shelf. Your breath hitches. To keep from stumbling backward into the shelving, your fingers curl into the fabric of his jeans at his waist, pulling him a fraction of an inch closer.
Myungsoo lets out a low, ragged exhale at your touch. He freezes, his arm still raised, his fingers just brushing the edge of a plastic battery pack. He doesn't grab them. Instead, his focus shifts entirely to you.
The silence between you is deafening, filled only by the sound of your synchronized, shallow breathing. In the shadows, his dark eyes lock onto yours, burning with a decade's worth of unsaid words, regrets, and starved affection.
Slowly, deliberately, his free hand comes down from the wall, his knuckles lightly grazing the sensitive skin of your neck. The touch is feather-light, a agonizingly slow caress that sends a violent shiver straight down your spine. His thumb finds your jawline, tilting your face up just a fraction. He leans in closer, his lips hovering mere inches from yours, close enough that you can feel the warmth of his breath.
It takes you a moment to realize he had already reached up and plucked down the batteries needed, the very ones you came here in search for.
"You're shaking," he whispers, his thumb tracing a slow, agonizing circle on your cheekbone.
"It's cold," you lie, your voice barely audible and your hands tightening their grip on his waist. You shouldn't want this. You should push him away. But the sheer heat radiating from him is the only thing keeping you grounded in the dark.
"Liar," he murmurs softly.
He leans just a hair closer, his chest crushing softly against yours, his hips pinning you gently against the shelf. For a terrifying, exhilarating second, you think he’s finally going to bridge the gap and kiss you—to obliterate the ten years of agonizing normalcy you both forced yourselves to endure. Your eyes flutter shut, your lips parting in silent invitation.
The plastic package on the top shelf crinkles loudly as his fingers finally hook around it.
With a sharp, sudden intake of air, Myungsoo pulls his hand back from your face, gripping the heavy pack of D-batteries. He doesn't step back immediately—he can't, and perhaps, he doesn't want to. His forehead rests against yours for one prolonged, agonizing heartbeat, his body still draped over yours, heavy and warm.
"Got 'em," he says, his voice rough and laced with a thick undercurrent of tension.
Before you can process the sudden loss of his touch, he shifts his weight, blindly reaching behind him to twist the closet doorknob. The door swings open, flooding the tight space with the cool air of the hallway and the faint, distant chatter of your friends.
Myungsoo steps out into the hallway first, the flashlight clicking completely dead in his hand, leaving him a dark silhouette. He clears his throat, calling out to the living room, "We found the batteries, Sunggyu!" He tosses two flashlights to Sunggyu and Jinhee who are still digging around through other cupboards in search of the spare flashlights.
"It is raining like hell out," Woohyun laughs, "Probably got struck with lightning. It would explain the power out."
"Fuck, it's so damn dark," Eunha announces, leaning against Dongwoo, squinting her eyes.
Dongwoo kisses Eunha's cheek and glances around the room, "I guess playing truth or dare or strip poker is out. The rest of the night will just be sitting in the dark."
Sungyeol holds a finger up, "Or, we can play 'Never Have I Ever'! We have plenty of alcohol and enough flashlights and candles going on, so why not?" He suggests, gathering the attention of everyone. "You can opt out any time or not join if it's making you uncomfortable."
"Works for me," Eunha replies.
"Me too," Dongwoo nods.
The whole room buzzes with murmurs of agreeing to the game. With everyone gathered around the living room, an array of bottles is set at the center, the circle of people forms as some opt for seats and the rest sit on the carpet floor. It wasn't anything new, and seeing how the game will proceed, most don't object when a bottle is grabbed and tossed in the center.
The usual beginning statements of rules are presented, and it isn't long after that the game starts up.
"Hmm..." Sungyeol squints his eyes, looking thoughtful. "Okay. Never have I ever gotten arrested for underage drinking!"
Everyone turned their heads towards Jinkyung who groans and grabs the nearest drink. Everyone bursts out into a series of 'ooh's and she tosses a pillow at Sungyeol, complaining the whole time.
A couple rounds pass with the questions not getting any deeper or provocative, which leads Sungyeol to getting frustrated with his questions getting called out. So then, the fun part starts up.
"Come on, these questions are so soft! Nothing naughty going on here," Sungyeol pouts his lips. He calls out with a devious glint in his eyes, "Never have I ever..." He takes a moment to think, finally his lips twitching into a smug smirk as he spoke, "been in a messy breakup!"
He totally directed that one straight towards you and Myungsoo and everyone was curious, watching the two of you grab the nearest cups and take a drink of alcohol.
"We don't talk about it!" both of you spit out.
Sunggyu claps his hands. “Okay, next—”
But Sungyeol cuts him off. “No, no, no. We’re not skipping past that. That breakup was legendary.”
You stiffen. “Sungyeol—”
“What? I’m just saying! You two were like… the couple. The couple everyone thought would get married. And then boom! Chaos, heartbreak, international flight—”
“Yeol,” Myungsoo’s voice is low. Warning. Dangerous.
The silence that follows Sungyeol’s forced retreat is heavy, suffocating, and punctuated only by the aggressive drumming of rain against the cabin windows.
You keep your eyes glued to your drink, your thumb tracing the condensation on the glass. The word legendary echoes in your head. Is that what a shattered heart looks like to everyone else? A spectator sport? They hadn't been there for the suffocating silence of the drive to the airport. They hadn't seen the way Myungsoo’s hands had gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white, or heard the absolute finality in the sound of your suitcase wheels rolling away from him.
Across the dim, candlelit circle, you feel rather than see Myungsoo’s gaze fixed on you. You risk a glance up.
Through the flickering shadows, his dark eyes are burning, raw with a vulnerability he usually keeps locked in a fortress of indifference. He looks exactly like he had ten years ago—hurt, defensive, and fiercely protective of a wound that clearly hasn't healed.
"Alright, I think the alcohol is hitting me harder than I thought," you lie smoothly, putting your cup down on the carpet. You force a bright, practiced smile that doesn't reach your eyes. "I'm going to turn in early. Don't let me ruin the fun, though."
"Do you need a flashlight, Y/N?" Jooyeon asks softly, her eyes filled with sympathy.
"No, it's fine, I'll use my phone screen," you murmur, already pushing yourself up from the floor.
The bedroom is freezing. You don't turn on a flashlight. Instead, you curl up on your side of the queen-sized bed, pulling the heavy quilt tightly around your shoulders, staring out into the dark. Your chest aches with a physical tightness. Ten years, and a single comment from a friend can still make you feel like you were bleeding out on an airport terminal floor.
Ten minutes later, the door creaks open.
A shaft of dim light from the hallway cuts through the room before closing again. Heavy, familiar footsteps quiet as they approach the bed. You hold your breath, tensing, pretending to be asleep.
The mattress dips significantly. Myungsoo lies down on his side of the bed, keeping a strict, painful distance between your bodies. For a long time, neither of you move. The only sound is the howling storm outside and the ragged rhythm of your own breathing.
"I know you're awake," Myungsoo whispers into the dark. His voice sounds wrecked, stripped of the playful sarcasm he’d used in the car.
You don't turn around. "Go to sleep, Myungsoo."
"Did you mean it?" He asks, ignoring your dismissal. He shifts, the fabric of his clothes rustling against the sheets. "Back then. When you said I was suffocating you. Did you mean it?"
The question is an arrow straight to the chest. The angst of a decade's worth of unsaid words swells up in your throat, choking you. You roll over to face him, the darkness masking the tears welling in your eyes, though you know he can feel the shift.
"Why are you doing this now?" You choke out, your voice trembling. "It’s been ten years, Myungsoo. You didn't come with me. You chose your life here, and I chose mine there. We broke each other. Why dig it up?"
"Because I'm tired of pretending!" He bursts out, a sudden, fierce whisper. You hear him move closer, breaking the safe distance. In the shadows, you can see the outline of his face, mere inches from yours now. "I’m tired of being in the same room as you and acting like you're just Dongwoo’s sister-in-law. I’m tired of watching you date men who don't deserve you, and I’m sick to death of trying to find you in every single person I look at, only to come up empty."
Your heart hammers against your ribs so violently it’s dizzying. "Myungsoo..."
"I wanted to ask you to stay," he confesses, his voice dropping to a broken, desperate pitch. "Every single day you were gone, I woke up wishing I had crawled on my hands and knees and begged you not to get on that plane. But I was proud. And I was stupid. And I thought... I thought you wanted a world that was bigger than me."
You force yourself to meet his eyes. “I was scared. I thought you’d choose your family over me. And you did.”
His breath catches — like you hit something raw. “I didn’t choose them over you,” he says, voice low, pained. “I chose what I thought was right. I thought you’d hate me if I held you back. I thought you’d resent me if I asked you to stay.” You stare at him, stunned. He laughs once — bitter, self-directed. “I didn’t realize I’d lose you either way.”
Your chest aches. “Myungsoo…”
He leans forward slightly — not touching you, but close enough that you can feel the warmth of his breath. “You think I didn’t want to run after you at the airport?” His voice is barely a whisper. “You think I didn’t want to grab you and beg you to stay? I almost did. I almost ruined everything you worked for.” Your heart is pounding so hard it hurts. “And now,” he continues, eyes dropping to your lips for a fraction of a second, “we’re here. In the same room. Ten years later. And I still—”
He stops himself. His throat works. His hands curl into fists on his knees, like he’s physically restraining himself.
You whisper, “Still what?”
He looks at you like the truth is tearing him open. “Still want you,” he says, voice rough. “Still think about you. Still feel everything I shouldn’t.”
The air between you goes molten. You inhale sharply. “Myungsoo…”
"I don't blame you," he whispers, his thumb catching another stray tear. "I never blamed you. I wanted you to fly. I just... I always thought that eventually, you'd find your way back to me."
"I am back," you breathe, your voice barely audible over the thunder outside. "I've been back for years, Myungsoo. But you never asked me to stay. Myungsoo, I never stopped wanting you.”
His eyes snap open. The candle flickers violently. The storm roars. And for a moment, neither of you breathe. He whispers, “Say it again.”
You do. "I never stopped wanting you.”
He exhales like he’s been underwater for years. He leans in — slowly, painfully slowly — giving you every chance to pull away. His forehead almost touches yours. His breath ghosts your lips. But he doesn’t kiss you. He stops a hair’s breadth away, trembling with restraint. “Tell me to stop,” he whispers. “Please. Because if I kiss you now, I won’t be able to pretend anymore.”
Your pulse is a drum. Your hands shake. Your heart is breaking and healing at the same time. You whisper back, “I’m not telling you to stop.”
He kisses you. His mouth fits against yours, and the taste of him hits you like a blow to the chest. One hand grips your jaw, his fingers curling into the hair at the base of your neck. The other hand slides up the column of your throat until his thumb brushes over your lower lip. The movement forces your mouth open, and then his thumb is dragging over the sensitive flesh of your tongue. He inhales sharply through his nose as you suck on his thumb, and the way he looks at you with heat and hunger makes your cheeks flush.
Kissing Myungsoo is so achingly familiar and yet so different. He used to be gentler and slow, exploring, but this, the desperation, the need to just touch you is driving him wild and you respond with the same amount of desperation. Myungsoo shifts his weight so he can deepen the kiss, his tongue swiping against yours. Your senses flood with him. Your fingers trail along his thighs as his other hand, the one that had been grasping your jaw, moves lower. Suddenly, your back is against the mattress as his body cages you. His warmth surrounds you as the kiss grows hot, hungry, as if he was ravenous for your mouth, and all you could think is, more.
He breaks away suddenly, panting, resting his forehead against yours. His breath is labored. His skin is warm and flushed. He stares at you with wild, unguarded, lust-blown eyes. All his restraints are gone, you think, and he is breathtakingly, breathtaking. Your hair is a tangled mess around your face and your lips are swollen. His shoulders flex with each panted breath. His voice is gravelly as he murmurs, "Y/N..."
His tone is questioning, soft. Almost loving and filled with a thousand things unsaid. He cups your cheek, his thumb stroking you so gently, his brows are scrunched together, concerned. His thumb is still resting lightly on your bottom lip, wet and hot, making you gasp, your knees weak.
"Yes?"
"Can I... do things I shouldn't do?" He breathes, his head lowering down, a brush against your lips. "Things that maybe..."
"Maybe?" You gasp.
"Just maybe," His breath is ragged, "...I've thought about them for a very, very long time." His hand slides along the curve of your body as he whispers in a strangled tone, "Things that I miss doing with you."
Your voice is raspy, his eyes fixated on your swollen lips. "Like what?"
"Kissing," he touches his lips lightly to the side of your mouth. His touch leaves your knees weak. "Holding. Touching," his fingers trail down your sides and make your body come to life. He touches your lips, and the world melts. He whispers, "Being with you."
A thousand sparks sizzle up your arms. Your gaze goes to the collar of his shirt, the fabric pulled taut, showing how perfectly toned he is. Myungsoo closes his eyes when he feels the warm tip of your finger tracing down his neck. "Like I said," you toy with his collar, voice lowered. "I'm not stopping you."
He opens his eyes slowly, only to find that your gaze is hot. So hot it causes his breath to hitch. Your nails dig into the front of his shirt and rip it open, buttons flying everywhere, making a series of sounds when hitting the hardwood floors. You part his shirt further and sigh at his muscles, finally on display, which flex with excitement at your reaction to seeing them, causing you to swallow audibly.
Your hands skim across his pectorals, trailing to his biceps and back up to his broad shoulders as they work to slide his shirt off, leaving his upper torso bare. He hisses through his teeth as you lean your upper body in, closing the gap between you as your chest brushes against his own, nipples hard and sensitive as the fabric caresses his skin. "I can't believe how badly I miss seeing you like this..." your lips meet his warm skin, just under his jaw, "you always had a gorgeous body, but even now... damn, it makes my mouth water."
He leans his head back as your kisses travel along his jaw to his lips and pull the fabric off, throwing his shirt on the floor. "Ten years..." his fingers twine themselves in your hair as he groans softly, "did you keep yourself busy?"
His breath is warm as it spills over your lips, and it makes you think of hot summer nights, of holding your breath in the dark with his naked, dampened skin against yours and the damp, sweat-scented air. Makes you want to hold him down and press your ear against his chest just to hear the thunder of his heartbeat.
"There have been men." Your hands travel along his shoulders, pressing and digging into his skin, mapping out the way he feels. "But none of them were you," you admit, words barely audible, almost like a confession as you smile against his neck. "It was never right. None of them could be you."
And like the sun after rain, your smile makes him smile too.
He steals your lips for another deep kiss. Your mouths are relentless as they connect. Breathy moans are lost in the confines of each other's mouths. The desire rises between you until the rest of the world fades out. There is just Myungsoo, the shape and feel of his body, his touch, his warm lips, his tongue, and you want more. So much more than what is possible to do in such a short period. You both have needs that cannot be quenched, the carnal desire for one another cannot be tamed even for a small amount of time.
"Myungsoo," you moan into his mouth, and your hips instinctively roll against him, earning a shaky groan. His hands find the hem of your t-shirt, bunching the fabric up before swiftly removing it and exposing your flushed skin. He rests one hand on the bed beside your head and lets his other hand smooth over the curve of your side as he captures your lips once again. With each movement, each sensual sweep of his tongue, every tender and forceful caress, his hand climbs higher, teasing the underside of your breast. It leaves you arching, wanting, craving. It leaves you a puddle of moans as your core aches with each sensual, intimate move, the tightness knotting and spreading pleasurable heat to each and every part of your body, electrifying your nerves and lighting your senses. You inhale a shaky breath as your hands work to take off your bottoms, leaving you in panties and a bra only.
You gasp sharply as the pressure of his pelvis is now heavy against your lower regions, and the anticipation makes you swallow anxiously in addition to the hardness straining his jeans against your center, causing him to smirk. But this is how it usually plays out, the tease and denial making you melt. Like old times, he loves hearing you beg for him, but the game has changed, because now you know you hold more power.
Your fingers hook beneath the waistband of his jeans, tugging down with a possessive ferocity that catches him off guard. A low, gravelly sound tears from Myungsoo’s throat as you push the heavy denim over his hips, your palms sliding down the hard, tense planes of his thighs, committing the rigid geometry of his body to memory. He kicks the trousers away, moving with a sudden, predatory agility that shifts him back over you. The sheer weight of him, solid and unyielding, settles heavily into the cradle of your thighs. The thin barrier of his boxer briefs offers agonizingly little protection against the thick, throbbing heat of his arousal, pressing firmly against your soaking panties.
"You think you hold the reins here, Y/N?" he murmurs against your jaw, his voice vibrating deep within your chest. His teeth graze the sensitive juncture where your neck meets your shoulder, biting down just hard enough to make you arch up into his touch, a broken gasp escaping your lips. "Ten years of waiting. Ten years of watching you look at other men. You don't get to dictate how fast we burn."
His hands descend to the clasp of your bra, releasing it with a practiced, fluid motion. The cool air of the room hits your bare skin for a fraction of a second before it is instantly replaced by the searing warmth of his palms. He cups your breasts, his thumbs sweeping over the tight, aching peaks, rolling them with a deliberate, agonizing friction that sends a white-hot current straight to your core. Your hips roll instinctively, seeking a deeper pressure, but Myungsoo pins you down, his thighs locking yours in place, denying you the completion you are visibly begging for.
"Myungsoo, please," you whimper, your fingers digging into the defined muscles of his upper back, leaving faint red crescents on his skin. "Don't tease me. Not tonight."
"Look at me," he commands, his voice dropping an octave, thick with a dark, primal hunger.
You open your heavy eyes, your vision blurred with tears of sheer frustration and desire. In the dim, flickering amber glow of the dying candle, his face is a mask of pure, concentrated lust. His jaw is clenched so tightly a muscle leaps in his cheek, and his gaze is fixed entirely on your face, reading every micro-expression of your pleasure.
"I want to hear you say it," he whispers, his breath hot against your swollen lips. He reaches down, his fingers sliding beneath the lace edge of your panties, finding the drenched, burning heat of your center. He doesn't insert his fingers immediately; instead, he circles your sensitive bundle, his touch light, maddeningly soft, tracing the slick folds until you are shaking beneath him. "Tell me exactly who is ruining you right now."
"You," you sob out, the sensation driving you to the brink of insanity. You tilt your pelvis upward, forcing his hand deeper, the friction causing a slick, wet sound to echo in the small space between your bodies. "It’s only ever been you, Myungsoo. Please, I can’t—"
He doesn't let you finish. With a swift, fluid motion, he strips the last remaining pieces of clothing from both of your bodies, discarding them to the floor. The sensation of skin-on-skin contact is overwhelming, a sensory overload that makes you both shudder. He positions himself between your thighs, his thick length pressing directly against your aching entrance, teasing the threshold.
He pauses, his chest heaving against yours, his heart hammering like a trapped bird. The yearning in his eyes is palpable, a decade-long drought waiting for a single drop of rain. "If I do this," he rasps, his fingers intertwining with yours, pinning your hands to the mattress on either side of your head, "there is no going back to being just friends. There is no more pretending. You are mine again."
"I was always yours," you whisper back, your voice raw with emotion. "I never stopped."
A ragged exhale escapes him, and he drives his hips forward, burying himself inside you in one deep, unyielding thrust.
The fullness is staggering, a sharp, exquisite stretch that pulls a loud, uninhibited groan from your throat. Your eyes snap shut as your internal muscles clench tightly around him, welcoming him home with an intensity that makes Myungsoo’s head fall back, his neck muscles straining as he rides out the sheer wave of pleasure. For a long, breathless moment, neither of you moves, simply absorbing the profound reality of being one again after a decade of separation.
Then, the rhythm begins.
It is not gentle. The years of pent-up frustration, the unsaid words, the jealousy, and the profound ache of separation fuel every heavy, bruising thrust. Myungsoo sets a relentless pace, his hips slamming into yours with a rhythmic, primitive force that makes the wooden headboard thud rhythmically against the wall. The sound is loud, dangerously indiscreet in a cabin full of your friends, but neither of you cares. The world has shrunk to the perimeter of this mattress, to the slick, friction-heated heat of your bodies colliding.
You wrap your legs around his waist, locking him closer, wanting every single inch of him. Every time he pulls back, nearly withdrawing completely, you whine, pulling him back in with the strength of your thighs. He rewards your eagerness with deeper, harder strokes, his fingers digging into your hips, anchoring you to take the full force of his weight.
"You're so tight," he groans against your ear, his breath hitching as your walls pulse around him. "So perfect. You haven't changed at all."
The heat in your lower stomach builds rapidly, tightening into a hard, coiled spring. The sheer friction of his body against yours, combined with the deliberate pressure of his thumb pressing against your bundle with every thrust, brings you to the absolute edge. Your breath comes in short, ragged pants, your head tossing from side to side on the pillow.
"Myungsoo, I'm close…I'm going to…"
"Come for me, Y/N," he growls, his pace becoming faster, almost frantic, his own climax rapidly catching up to him. "Let me feel it."
With a final, devastatingly deep thrust, your body fractures. Your internal muscles convulse violently around him in a series of intense, rhythmic spasms. A loud, breathless cry escapes your lips, buried quickly in the crook of his neck as the waves of the climax wash over you, turning your limbs to jelly.
Hearing your release breaks the last of his iron control. Myungsoo lets out a low, animalistic roar, his body stiffening completely as he thrusts deep inside you one last time, holding himself there as he unloads his release inside you. The sheer force of his climax ripples through his entire frame, his muscles locking, his chest heaving as he pours himself into you, claiming you completely.
The silence that follows is heavy, broken only by the sound of your synchronized, labored breathing and the steady patter of the rain outside. Myungsoo collapses onto your chest, his head buried in your hair, still trembling slightly from the aftershocks. He doesn't move to pull away, and you don't want him to.
After a long while, he shifts, rolling onto his side but keeping you securely wrapped in his arms, pulling the heavy quilt over your damp, chilled skin. He places a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead, his arm tightening around your waist as if fearing you might disappear if he lets go.
"We're going to have to talk to the others in the morning," he murmurs into the dark, a small, exhausted smile tugging at his lips.
You press your face into his bare chest, listening to the steady, comforting beat of his heart. "Let them talk," you whisper. "I'm not going anywhere."
The morning sun filters through the wooden blinds of the cabin, casting sharp angles of golden light across the tangled sheets. You wake up to the heavy, grounding weight of Myungsoo’s arm wrapped securely around your waist, his chest flush against your bare back. For a few quiet moments, neither of you moves. The chaotic storm from the night before has completely cleared, leaving behind only the crisp, damp scent of pine and the profound reality of what has just happened between you.
Myungsoo stirs, a low grunt vibrating through his chest as his grip tightens instinctively, pulling you closer into his warmth. His lips press a soft, lingering kiss to the bare skin of your shoulder.
"Don't move yet," he mumbles, his voice thick and rough with sleep. "If you get up, I have to face the fact that we actually have to open that door."
You turn in his embrace, looking up at him. His dark hair is a messy nest, and his eyes are heavy, but the guarded, distant look he has worn for the last ten years is entirely gone. In its place is an intense, raw vulnerability that makes your heart ache with a fierce protectiveness. You reach up, your fingers tracing the sharp line of his jawline.
"We can't hide in here forever," you whisper, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Sunggyu is probably already making an insufferable amount of noise in the kitchen."
"Let him," Myungsoo growls softly. He catches your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm before his eyes darkened with a sudden, renewed heat. He shifted his weight, pinning your hand above your head on the pillow, his bare thigh sliding between yours. The friction of his skin against yours immediately reignited the embers from last night. ""You're a heavy sleeper when you're exhausted."
"Whose fault is that?" you wheeze, your voice dry. You try to stretch, but a dull, deep ache in your core reminds you exactly how relentless he was in the dark. A flush creeps up your neck.
"Mine," he admits without a shred of remorse, his eyes darkening with a sudden, wicked flash. He slides his hand lower, under the heavy quilt, his warm palm settling flat against your bare stomach. "And I'd happily take the blame again."
Before the conversation can turn dangerous, a sudden, loud thud echoes from the hallway outside, followed by the muffled sound of Sungyeol’s voice.
"Are they alive in there? The kitchen is freezing, the power is still out, and I'm pretty sure I heard the headboard trying to break through the drywall around 3:00 AM."
"Shut up, Yeol!" Eunha’s voice hisses from further down the hall. "Give them some space."
"Space? They've had ten years of space!"
Inside the room, you freeze, pulling the quilt up to your chin with a gasp. Myungsoo, however, just rolls his eyes and lets out a low chuckle, entirely unbothered. He doesn't move away; instead, he deliberately shifts his weight, pinning your leg beneath his thigh, letting you feel the heavy, rigid length of his arousal pressing against your hip.
"Let them talk," he whispers, echoing your words from the night before. His fingers tangle in your hair, tilting your face up to his. "We have a lot of lost time to make up for, Y/N. I'm not letting you hide from me anymore."
"Myungsoo, they're right outside," you whisper, your heart pounding as his thumb drags across your lower lip, pushing it open slightly.
"Then don't make a sound," he growls against your skin, his lips dropping to the sensitive hollow beneath your ear. His hand slides down to the crease of your thigh, parting your legs with a slow, unyielding pressure. The sheer earnestness in the way he holds you—like he’s terrified the last ten years were a dream and he’s finally waking up—melts away any remaining hesitation.
You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down into a deep, breathless kiss, completely surrendering to the way back to him.
Thirty minutes later, dressed in oversized hoodies and trying your absolute best to look "casual," the two of you step out of the bedroom. Myungsoo holds the door for you, his hand resting casually on the small of your back—a subconscious declaration of ownership that he doesn't even try to hide.
The power is back on, lighting up the kitchen where the entire friend group is gathered around the large island. Dongwoo is pouring coffee, Jinhee is setting out plates, and Sungjong is leaning against the counter, a mug halfway to his mouth. Sungyeol, who is sitting at the kitchen island, slowly lowers his mug, a massive, cat-like grin spreading across his face when he sees you and Myungsoo.
"Well, well, well," Sungyeol purrs, breaking the silence. "Look who finally decided to join the living. And look at that... you both managed to survive the night in the same room without killing each other."
"Shut up, Yeol," Myungsoo says smoothly, walking past him to grab two mugs. He doesn't look flustered at all; in fact, there’s a distinct, smug satisfaction in the relaxed slope of his shoulders.
Eunha walks over to you, narrowing her eyes as she inspects your face. She looks down at your neck, where a faint, rosy mark is barely hidden by the collar of your hoodie. A slow smile breaks across your sister's face. "You look... rested, sis."
"I slept fine," you lie badly, coughing into your hand and reaching for the coffee Myungsoo hands you.
"Did you?" Jinkyung chimes in, wiping sleep from her eyes. "Because I could have sworn the cabin's foundation was settling last night. Kept hearing this rhythmic thud-thud-thud against the wall. I thought it was the storm, but..."
You nearly choke on your coffee. Myungsoo calmly steps up next to you, bumping his hip against yours, completely unfazed. "The headboard was loose," he says, taking a slow sip of his black coffee. "I fixed it."
"Oh, I bet you fixed it real good," Woohyun yells from the living room couch, throwing his head back in a loud laugh. Jooyeon smacks his arm, though she’s giggling too.
Sunggyu snorts, holding a spatula like a gavel. He looks between you and Myungsoo, his eyes lingering on the way Myungsoo’s arm is naturally draped over the back of your chair as you sit down.
"So," Sunggyu says, pointing the spatula at Myungsoo. "Are we updating the group chat relationship status from 'Single' to 'It's Complicated,' or did you two finally get your brains screwed on straight after ten years?"
Myungsoo looks down at you. The teasing, playful energy of the room fades into something incredibly quiet and heavy with emotion. He reaches down, threading his fingers through yours right there on top of the table, in front of everyone. He doesn't care about hiding it anymore. The pining is over.
"It's not complicated," Myungsoo says, his voice firm and clear, looking straight at his friends. "We're done wasting time."
Dongwoo lets out a dramatic sigh of relief, dropping his head onto Eunha's shoulder. "Thank God. I couldn't take another year of you staring at her like a pathetic puppy at every holiday party."
"Hey!" Myungsoo protests, his cheeks finally turning a slight shade of pink.
The entire kitchen erupts into laughter and cheers. Sungjong raises his coffee mug in a mock toast. "To the loose headboard. May it never be fixed again."
You bury your face in Myungsoo’s chest, laughing through your embarrassment. The weight that had been sitting on your chest for the last ten years—the regret, the unspoken words, the lingering jealousy—evaporates entirely.
Myungsoo kisses the top of your head, whispering so only you can hear, "Let them tease us all day. Tonight, I'm locking the door, and we're picking up exactly where we left off."
Word Count: 8,582
Genre: Fluff, angst, smut
AU: Non idol AU, kind of a mafia AU, politician AU?
Tropes: Strangers to lovers, DA!Yoongi, defense attorney!Junhui, fucking your husband's rival
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Swearing, cheating, unhealthy relationships, mentioned pregnancy (not reader), brief and probably unrealistic fight scene, smut (unprotected sex, creampie, a little bit of biting, a tiny bit of breast play, Jun is a tease, sub!Jun, soft dom!reader, Jun calls reader "ma'am," oral sex, reader is Jun's under the desk support at one point, cockwarming, sort-of exhibitionism). If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!
Summary: When your best friend shows up on your doorstep to tell you that she's pregnant with your husband's baby, you decide to get revenge with the one man you know he doesn't want you talking to.
A/N: This fic was originally planned to be a part of the "War of Love" collab, however I don't think that the collab is still running. Regardless, I really wanted to get this fic out there. I hope you like it!
Thank you so much to @nothoughtsjustfic, @effervescentorbs, @themoonlightfae, and @spacequokka for helping me brainstorm, and thank you to @kwanisms for helping me brainstorm and making this amazing banner! I love y'all <3
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @okiedokrie-main, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @1-800-jewon, @my-neurodivergent-world, @be-my-sunrise
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
There were very few things that you hated more than attending charity auctions with your husband. Sure, you loved Yoongi, and you completely understood that it was important to him to give back to your community, but you hated the way he treated you when the two of you were out together. Instead of being treated like his wife, you were treated more like an ornament. A trophy for your husband to show that he’d “made it” and had the life he’d always wanted. As much as you hated it though, you went anyway, because you knew how important his image was to him. And being a loving husband was an important part of his image, no matter how inaccurate that image was to the reality of your relationship with him after ten years together.
As the night went on, you got increasingly bored. No one at the event would have known it, though, especially not your husband. After all, Yoongi was too busy talking to Miyeon, his secretary and your best friend, to pay attention to you. You’d been suspicious of the relationship between Yoongi and Miyeon for a long time, but every time you brought up your concerns to either one of them, you were told how much they both cared about you and that they would never do that to you. You weren’t entirely sure that you believed them, but you really tried to for your own sake.
Not wanting to sit at the table and be ignored by your husband anymore, you decided to head to the bathroom to touch up your makeup. After your appearance was adjusted to your satisfaction, you stayed where you were a few extra minutes, just taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the small moment of peace. Feeling refreshed by your time away from the crowd that was sitting outside and pretending to care about charity, you decided to go back to your table.
You were still walking back when you noticed someone that was standing nearby. He was gorgeous, and when your eyes met, he smiled like the two of you were old friends, despite the fact that you’d never seen him before. You knew it was wrong to look at anyone other than your husband the way that you were now looking at the stranger, but you couldn’t help yourself. You briefly considered approaching him so that you could introduce yourself, but before you could, he approached you and said, “Hi, gorgeous. My name’s Junhui. What’s yours?”
That was when you realized who you were speaking to. This was the man that was running against Yoongi for the position of district attorney in the upcoming election. The man that Yoongi took any and every opportunity that presented itself to rant about, telling you exactly why you were never to speak to him.
But one little conversation couldn’t hurt, right?
With a smile, you introduced yourself and said, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“So, are you here with anyone?” Junhui asked, acting more like he was at a club than a charity auction.
“Yes, actually. I’m here with my husband.”
“Oh, really? Then why are you all alone?”
“He’s back at our table,” you answered as you pointed to where Yoongi sat with Miyeon. “Actually, I should probably go sit back down with him,” you added, hoping your voice didn’t give away just how nervous you were to be talking to such a gorgeous man.
“What’s your rush, sweetheart?”
“I just don’t want him to worry.”
“He looks fine to me,” Junhui said, staring past you and looking like he wanted to punch someone.
You turned away from Junhui to see what he was staring at, and that was when you saw the way that Yoongi was looking at Miyeon, holding her hand and staring into her eyes the way that he used to look into yours. That was when you decided that you weren’t really in a hurry to get back to him and said, “I guess a few more minutes couldn’t hurt.”
You talked to Junhui for a while after that, and you had to admit that you liked the way he made you feel as you spoke. He asked questions about the things that you said that showed that he was paying attention, something that Yoongi never did anymore, and he looked at you like you were the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen, something that no one had ever done before. You knew it was wrong, but you would have been lying if you’d said that you weren’t at least a little bit attracted to Junhui.
When you finally got back to your table, you noticed that your friend was nowhere in sight. So, as you took your seat next to your husband, you asked, “Where did Miyeon go?”
“She left to go talk to someone. Listen, I need to go take care of a few things after the auction ends. Do you think you can get an Uber home tonight?”
“Of course, honey,” you answered, used to him leaving you as soon as he didn’t need to look good anymore. “Do you know when you’ll be home?”
“No, I don’t. Sorry, sweetheart.”
“That’s ok. Just be safe tonight. I love you.”
Your husband was too distracted by Miyeon’s abrupt return to your table to even notice that you’d said something to him. Not wanting to be the third wheel in your own relationship anymore that night, you decided that you were ready to leave. So, you got up and walked toward the exit, intending to call an Uber once you were outside. Before you got to the door, though, you bumped into Junhui again.
“Hi, gorgeous,” he said. “Where are you off to?”
“Just heading home for the night. I’m a bit tired,” you answered, hoping that you could successfully hide the complex emotions swirling around your mind.
“Without your husband?” he asked, feigning surprise. “Scandalous!”
“He just wanted to stay and enjoy the auction.”
“The auction, sure,” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he noticed Yoongi laughing with Miyeon at your table. Turning his attention back to you, he added, “Before you go, take this,” and handed you a small slip of paper.
“What is it?”
“My number.”
“Oh, I can’t take this. I-”
“Relax, sweetheart. I just wanna be friends.”
You knew that he was full of shit, but you still smiled and said, “Ok.” There was a moment of silence before you added, “I really should go now. I’ll text you when I get home?”
“Works for me. It was nice meeting you, by the way.”
“Yeah, it was nice to meet you too,” you said, making your way toward the exit. Once you were outside, you got an Uber to take you home, and for the entire ride, you thought about the man that you’d met at the auction. You knew who Junhui was, since your husband had spoken about him to you at length, but you’d never gotten the chance to speak to him directly, or even seen his face for that matter, before the charity auction. Now that you had actually met him, though, you couldn’t help but wonder if he really was as bad as Yoongi said he was.
Was this really the same man that Yoongi had spent weeks ranting about? The man that Yoongi believed would make the seat of district attorney look like a joke if he was elected? The man known for his “shady tactics and shadier associations, who has absolutely no business in public office,” according to your husband? You couldn’t really believe it, if you were being honest. If the things that Yoongi had said about Junhui were true, though, that meant he was definitely bad news.
And yet, you couldn’t get him out of your mind.
When you finally got home, you took your time with your nighttime routine, letting the process of getting ready for bed ground you after a stressful day. Once your nighttime routine was done, you pulled the crumpled slip of paper that Junhui had given you out of your purse and texted the number that was written on it.
You: Hi, it’s me. It was really nice meeting you tonight.
Junhui: It was nice to meet you too, gorgeous. I’d love to see you again sometime.
You: What happened to just wanting to be friends?
Junhui: Hey, I am being friendly.
You: You’re being flirty. There’s a difference.
Junhui: It doesn’t seem like you mind, though. Am I wrong?
Needless to say, he was completely right. You knew that you were in the wrong, but you loved how attentive and sweet Junhui was compared to Yoongi. Still, you knew better than to actually act on the attraction to your husband’s rival that was beginning to settle in your chest. So, you gently reminded Junhui that you were married, and he agreed to behave. Whether he would hold up his end of the agreement, however, was yet to be seen.
About a week after the charity auction, you got a very unpleasant surprise. You woke up to a loud knock on your door, and when you answered, Miyeon stood in front of you. You figured that something was wrong when you saw the look of pure rage on her face, far different from her typical upbeat demeanor, but you had no idea what had happened. You opened your mouth to ask her what was wrong, but before you could get the words out, she asked, “Where the fuck is Yoongi?”
“He’s not home right now. He-”
“Bullshit. He told me that he was spending the day with you. Where is he?”
“He’s not home!” you yelled. “He told me that he was going to be working all day. What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant with his baby, that’s what’s fucking going on.
You stood there in shock for what felt like hours before you asked, “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I’m pregnant, and Yoongi is the baby’s father. After I told him, he fucking ditched me. I want some answers.”
“Well, you’re not gonna get them here. Like I said, he isn’t home.”
“Fine. I’ll come back later then.”
“No, you fucking won’t. Not while I’m here, at least.”
With a huff and a stomp of her foot, Miyeon left your house. Once she was firmly out of your line of sight, you slammed your door shut, fell to the ground, and sobbed.
You honestly had no idea how to process the fact that your husband really was cheating on you, and with your best friend no less. “Rage” and “devastation” barely even began to describe the emotions swirling around your brain like a tornado of suffering, and all you could think about was how hurt you were and how badly you wanted to hurt them in return.
Maybe that’s where the idea to call Junhui came from.
Once you finally felt like you could breathe again, you pulled your phone out and dialed Junhui’s number. When he answered, you got right to the point, asking, “Are you busy today?”
“Nope. Free all day. Why do you ask?”
“Can I come over?”
“Sure. Why?”
“I think you know why.”
“I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?” he asked with a teasing tone in his voice.
“I’m pissed off and wanna fuck.”
Junhui feigned surprise as he said, “Such vulgar language from such a classy lady. Especially one that loves her dear husband so much. What brought this on?”
“My best friend just showed up at my door and told me that she’s pregnant with Yoongi’s child.”
“Oh, so this is revenge.”
“Well, yes, but that’s not the only reason.”
“Oh really? Tell me what the other reason is then, sweetheart.”
Your voice was barely above a whisper when you responded, “Just want you.”
“Then why don’t I send someone to pick you up? How does that sound?”
“Sounds good,” you answered, sounding much more confident
“What’s your address, sweetheart?” he asked. You gave it to him, and he said, “I’ll see you soon, darling,” before he ended the call.
While you waited to be picked up, you decided to change into something a bit more appropriate for what you were planning to do when you got to his place. After some careful consideration, you ended up choosing a short white dress that showed off just enough of your body to get him excited without being too inappropriate for you to wear out of the house. As for accessories, you kept it simple, wearing small white earrings. Once you put on your favorite shoes, you were ready to go.
A few minutes after you finished getting ready, you heard the sound of a car horn. So, you walked outside, and you saw a sleek black car in front of your house. When you approached the car, the driver rolled the window down and asked who you were. After you confirmed your identity, he said, “I’m Taehyun. Junhui sent me to pick you up. Are you ready?” You nodded in response and got in the car, nervous but excited for what you knew would happen when you got to Junhui’s house.
The ride to Junhui’s house was quiet, with neither you nor Taehyun quite knowing what to say to fill the silence. The awkward silence didn’t last long, though, since within minutes, you were pulling up to one of the most luxurious mansions you’d ever seen. You honestly wondered how the hell Junhui could afford it, since Yoongi had made it sound like he didn’t make much as an attorney, but you had a feeling that you didn’t want to know the answer.
You didn’t have much time to think about the matter, though, since before you knew it, you were dropped off in front of the door. As you got out of the car, you thanked Taehyun, and he drove away. With a deep breath to calm your nerves, you approached the door and rang the doorbell.
When Junhui answered the door, you smiled and said, “Hi.”
“Hi, sweetheart. Would you like to come in?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hand before pulling you through the door. Once the door was shut and locked behind you, he smiled at you and asked, “Still looking for revenge?”
You didn’t answer him verbally, but you didn’t need to, considering your lips were on his the second he was done speaking. The kiss was short and sweet, and you did enjoy it, but you found yourself wanting more at the same time. So, when you pulled away, you asked, “Can we take this to your room?”
“Are you sure?” he asked in response. You nodded, and he said, “So eager for me. It’s cute. Come with me, darling.” You felt butterflies in your stomach when he called you “darling,” and he pulled you up a flight of stairs that you assumed led to his room.
When you got to Junhui’s room, he shut the door and pulled you close, kissing you softly. You stayed there for what felt like an eternity before you started to get impatient again and deepened the kiss, earning a soft groan from him as you tangled your hands in his hair. He pulled away with a smirk on his face and asked, “Getting impatient?”
You nodded and said, “Want you so bad.”
“Aww,” he cooed. “Do you think you could wait just a little bit longer, sweetheart? You’re just so much fun to play with.”
That was when you decided you were done waiting, pulling Junhui to the bed and climbing on top of him. With a smirk of your own, you said, “I think we’re done with that now.”
“Fine. Get up and get on your knees, then.”
You pretended to think about his instructions for a moment before you grinned and said, “Make me.”
Before you could really process what was happening, Junhui had flipped the two of you over so that he was on top. With a soft smile of his own, he looked you in the eyes and said, “Are you gonna listen, now?”
“Hm, no. I don’t think so,” you said.
“Please, darling? For me?” he asked, moving to kiss and bite your neck.
You moaned at the feeling of his mouth on you and said, “Fuck, baby. Feels so good.” Junhui whined and started to move his hips against yours, still kissing and biting every bit of you that he could reach, and that was when you had an idea. Your hands flew to his hair and tugged as you added, “Do you like when I tell you how good it feels?”
Junhui stopped what he was doing just long enough to nod against you and said, “Like knowing I’m doing a good job.”
“Well, you are, baby. Such a good boy for me.”
“Fuck,” he mumbled.
“You ok?”
“’m fine,” he answered, clearly struggling to maintain his composure.
And that was when you realized that Junhui was far different from the man that you expected him to be, at least in the bedroom. So, with a smile on your face and a voice dripping with lust, you asked, “Do you want me to take control, baby?”
Junhui looked nervous, and his voice was small as he said, “Yes, please.”
You softened when you noticed how nervous he was and said, “That’s fine with me, angel.”
Junhui noticeably relaxed at your words, and he said, “Tell me what you want. Please?”
“I want you inside me. Please, baby?”
“Yes ma’am,” he replied, swiftly climbing off of you and ridding himself of his clothes. You stood and did the same before you pulled Junhui in for another kiss. He whined when he felt your lips on his, and you pulled away with a soft laugh.
“You’re so cute,” you said.
There was a beat of silence before Junhui said, “Can I please fuck you?”
You smiled and bit your lip before you said, “Of course, baby.”
With no further hesitation, you gently pushed Junhui back onto his bed, straddling him once he was lying down. You looked down at him with a smile, wordlessly asking for confirmation. When your eyes met, he nodded and said, “Please.”
That was all you needed to hear to carefully lower yourself onto his cock, letting out a loud moan as you felt him enter you. You held onto his shoulders as you steadied yourself, still adjusting to his size. Then, when you were ready, you started to slowly move up and down.
Junhui’s hands immediately found their way to your hips, his nails digging into your skin as he reveled in the feeling of your pussy wrapped around him. The way he seemed to lose himself in you only made you want more, and you silently hoped this wouldn’t be the only time you fucked him.
“Feels so good,” Junhui whined, holding onto you tighter as he bucked his hips up to meet yours.
“I know, baby. You’re so fucking good for me,” you said with a moan.
“Better than him?” he asked, looking up at you with desperate eyes.
You were quiet for a minute in response to Junhui’s question, the only noises in the room being your ragged breaths, his desperate whines, and the sound of your skin meeting his as you continued to ride him. But when he reached up to touch your chest, a loud moan was ripped from your throat before you said, “Fuck, yes. So much better, baby.”
Junhui whined louder as he started to move his hips faster, and you couldn’t help but think about how cute he was when he was desperate to please you. The thought that you wouldn’t mind seeing him again and maybe spending time with him outside of having sex also crossed your mind, but you didn’t want to linger on that for too long, especially when you were already so close to an orgasm.
Before you knew it, a familiar rush of pleasure washed over you, and you came undone around Junhui with a loud moan of his name. He continued to fuck up into you through your release, stilling inside of you when he reached his own. He was louder than you anticipated, practically screaming your name as he came, but you didn’t really mind that. In all honesty, you thought that it was cute.
After you both caught your breath, you climbed off of him and laid your head on his chest, and he pulled you close. Once the two of you found a comfortable position, he said, “That was amazing. I can’t believe that bastard doesn’t appreciate you.” You were silent in response to his comment, and he hurriedly added, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s ok,” you mumbled, struggling to stay focused on the conversation you were having as opposed to the tornado of emotion that had begun swirling around the inside of your head once again.
“What’s on your mind, darling?” Junhui asked, his tone softer than when he’d insulted Yoongi.
“I really don’t want to go home to him tonight.”
“You could stay here tonight. If you want to, of course.”
“I can’t. He’ll wonder where I am and worry.”
“Will he?”
You were quiet for a minute as you thought about the question. Honestly, you didn’t know if Yoongi would miss you. After all, you’d lost count of how many times you’d told him that you were staying at a friend’s house for the night, gone out, and come home without any acknowledgement from your husband whatsoever. Then, you realized that even if he would miss you, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care in that moment. So, with a sigh, you answered, “Ok, I’ll stay.”
Junhui smiled gently before he kissed you again, pulling you closer as he enjoyed the feeling of your lips on his. When you pulled away for air, he looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
He sighed softly before he said, “Being yourself.”
“You’re cute.”
“So are you,” he said. “Now, how about we get cleaned up?”
“That sounds great.”
Junhui wordlessly stood up and stretched his hand out to you. You took it and got out of bed, letting him lead you to his bathroom. Once you got there, he helped you into the shower before stepping in himself. Then, he turned the water on, and you helped him wash. Once he was clean again, he did the same for you, and the two of you talked about whatever came to mind.
Once both of you were clean again, Junhui gave you some spare clothes from his closet to put on, and you got dressed. He did the same before dragging you right back to his bed to lie down. After you both found a comfortable position, you talked about whatever you could think of, hoping to get to know each other better. You initially thought that the questions he asked you would stay superficial, like your favorite songs or what you liked to do for fun, but in a matter of minutes, the conversation topic shifted to your marriage.
“Why are you even with him?” Junhui asked, genuinely baffled by the idea of someone like you being married to someone like Yoongi.
“He wasn’t always like this,” you answered wistfully. “When we first got married, he treated me like a princess. He never let a day go by without telling me how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me.”
“What changed?”
You thought before a minute before you answered, struggling to figure out the right words to accurately explain all of the shifts in your marriage over the years. Eventually, you sighed and said, “The changes started when he won the DA election a few years ago. He was so happy, so initially, I didn’t mind that he was ignoring me in favor of work.”
“Initially? I guess that means something else changed?”
You nodded and said, “He started forgetting the important things too. When it was just a date here and there, it was fine, but eventually he started forgetting my birthday and even our anniversary.
“Are you fucking serious?” Junhui asked, sounding more like a pissed off best friend than a guy that you’d just hooked up with.
“At first, I assumed that it was because he was busy, so I tried to be understanding. Then, when it happened again, I opened Snapchat and saw stories that Miyeon had posted earlier that night. He was with her.”
“So, does that mean that you knew about the affair when you found out about the baby?”
You nodded and answered, “I knew from the moment I got her the job as his secretary, and I saw the way he looked at her. I know that he loved me once, but even when he did, he never looked at me like that.” Your eyes started to well with tears as you wondered what she had that you didn’t, but you quickly wiped your eyes, not wanting Junhui to notice.
But of course, Junhui did notice. With a softness that you were already growing to love in his voice, he pulled you closer, rubbing your back as he said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s ok,” you replied through the tears that refused to stop falling.
The room fell silent as you cried, with Junhui shushing you gently and rubbing your back until your tears ran dry. As you caught your breath, he kissed your forehead and said, “You deserve so much better than him.”
“I’ve thought about filing for divorce so many times.”
“What’s stopping you?”
You were quiet for a minute before you answered, “I don’t want to make him look bad.”
“He made himself look bad the moment he stepped away from his marriage and got Miyeon pregnant. You wouldn’t be ruining his reputation; you’d be ensuring it was more accurate.”
You wanted to say something in response, reassure Junhui that it wasn’t what it looked like, but you knew that he was right. So, you just said, “I guess so.”
After that, the conversation topic shifted again, since neither you nor Junhui wanted to talk about your failed marriage. Despite the change in conversation, though, your thoughts stayed focused on what he’d said about your husband and his reputation. You knew that he was right, but you didn’t want to admit it just yet. So, you tried desperately to think about anything else while you started to doze off in Junhui’s arms, relaxing for the first time in what felt like an eternity as you enjoyed finally feeling wanted again.
After that first night that the two of you spent together, you and Junhui were practically inseparable, provided that your husband wasn’t around to see you with the man that he hated more than just about anyone else. Not that Yoongi was around much, anyway. Between running for re-election and Miyeon’s pregnancy, which he still thought you didn’t know about, he had pretty much no time left for you. You weren’t necessarily complaining about that, though. After all, your husband being busy made it far easier to make time to see Junhui.
It was about a month into your time with Junhui that you started visiting him in his office. You learned a lot about him from those visits, like the types of clients he usually represented and how their “support” was what gave Junhui the opportunity to live such a luxurious life, even if he didn’t get many other cases.
There were a lot of questions that you wanted to ask about why they needed his help so frequently and why he was always so happy to oblige, but you decided not to ask them. After all, you had a strong feeling you didn’t want to know the answer. Besides, you didn’t have many opportunities to ask, considering he avoided talking about work as much as he could when he was with you. But really, the two of you didn’t do much talking at all when you were together.
To be fair, you couldn’t really talk when you were sitting under Junhui’s desk with his cock in your mouth, listening to his sweet whimpers and whines as you got him off. You weren’t sure how you got into the position you were in, really. One moment, you were sitting on his desk, kissing him and occasionally letting your hands wander as he told you how beautiful you looked in between kisses. Next thing you knew, you were climbing under his desk, telling him to be quiet, and wrapping your lips around him.
“Fuck, feels so good,” he whined, gently thrusting into your mouth.
You hummed around him as you sucked him off, loving the sweet little noises that slipped out of his mouth. God, everything about the way he looked and sounded made you want him more. His eyes were shut, and his mouth hung open while he moaned in pleasure. His hands were tangled in your hair, holding you like you were the only thing that he wanted in that moment, and you loved every bit of it.
Your activities were interrupted, however, when the phone on Junhui’s desk started to ring. You stopped what you were doing when you heard him answer and started to crawl out from under his desk. Before you could get very far, though, you looked up at him and noticed that he was staring at you with pleading eyes. When he hung up the phone, you bit your lip and asked, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Please don’t go,” he mumbled.
“You want me to keep sucking your cock?”
He nodded in response and said, “I don’t think you’d be able to leave without him seeing you, anyway.”
You froze in place and asked, “What do you mean?”
“That was the office receptionist. Yoongi is on his way up.”
“Why the fuck is Yoongi here?”
“Said that he had to talk to me about the election? I don’t know,” he groaned. “I was too focused on what you were doing to pay attention on the conversation.”
You gave him a cocky smirk before asking, “Do you want me to keep going once I’m back under the desk?”
Junhui looked nervous as he answered, “Won’t he notice?”
“Not if I just keep you in my mouth. Would you like that, baby?”
He hesitated before he nodded, and you climbed back under his desk. Right as you took Junhui’s cock in your mouth again, you heard a door open, and an all-too-familiar voice said, “Mr. Wen! It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too. Please, just call me Junhui.”
“So, Mr. Wen,” Yoongi said, “I just wanted to give you some advice.”
“What kind of advice?” Junhui asked, still struggling to maintain his composure with your mouth around him.
“Well, I know who your friends are, and I know what they do. I also have a strong feeling that your friends are the reason you’re running. So, my advice is this: don’t let them affect how you do your job. Do the right thing, Mr. Wen.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“You’d better. Good luck, and may the best man win.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
With that, Yoongi said, “I’m sure that I’ll see you soon.”
“I’m sure I will. Goodbye, Yoongi.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Wen.”
You heard the door shut, and the sound of Yoongi’s footsteps faded down the hall. When you were sure he was gone, you didn’t hesitate at all, swirling your tongue around Junhui’s tip and earning a loud moan from him as he started to thrust into your mouth again. His hands found their way to your hair almost immediately, and with a moan, he said, “’m close.”
You moaned around Junhui’s cock, and that was all it took for him to come undone with a series of soft moans and curses. You stilled around him when his release washed over him, taking care not to overstimulate him as he spilled into your mouth. Then, when you were sure he was done, you carefully took him out of your mouth, looked up at him and swallowed, feeling proud when another high-pitched whine slipped out of his mouth.
With a smile on your face and butterflies in your stomach, you looked up at him and said, “Are you ok, baby?”
“I’m ok. That was just so good,” he mumbled, still struggling to regain his composure.
You laughed softly and said, “Well, how can I not reward my baby for being such a good boy for me?”
Junhui blushed and helped you up before pulling you into a hug, hoping to hide how much he liked it when you called him your baby. But of course, you could see right through him.
While you relaxed in Junhui’s hold, you found yourself dreaming about a day that you could just stay with him instead of having to go home to a marriage that you knew was dead. Still, you weren’t sure if you were ready to walk away from Yoongi just yet, so you decided to wait a little bit longer.
As the election drew nearer, your relationship with Junhui only grew more intense. Initially, you wanted to at least try to pretend that your time with him was just a bit of fun to distract you from your disaster of a marriage and how unhappy you really were. As time went on, though, you found yourself actually looking forward to spending time with Junhui, even if there weren’t plans for sex. You hated to admit it to yourself, but you were falling in love with him.
You finally had to confront the fact that your feelings for Junhui went beyond sexual attraction the day before the election results were to be announced. You’d gone to his house for the day because Yoongi had other plans. He swore he wasn’t out with Miyeon, but you didn’t care anymore. After all, you were too busy enjoying your time doing whatever the hell you wanted with Junhui. You made out, you watched terrible movies, you played board games that neither of you fully understood, and you laid in bed together talking about anything and everything.
Your head was on his chest, and he gently stroked your hair as he asked, “Can I ask you something that might make you mad?”
“If you know that it might make you mad, why are you asking?” you responded, laughing softly.
He sighed and said, “Because I’ve realized some things lately, and I need to know where we stand.”
“Baby, you’re worrying me. What’s up?”
“Would you consider leaving Yoongi?”
You were stunned into silence by his question, unsure of what you could say. On the one hand, all you wanted was to finally get out of your miserable marriage and be with someone that treated you like you actually mattered to him. On the other hand, were you ready to take that step? You’d been with Yoongi for so long at that point, and you were worried about what your family and friends would think if you admitted that your marriage wasn’t as picture-perfect as you made it seem whenever you saw them.
You snapped out of your contemplation when Junhui said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Don’t worry about it. I just-”
“It’s ok. I’d consider it, but I don’t know if I could go through with it. I love you, but-”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I love you too.” There was a brief silence before Junhui asked, “What does this mean for the future?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s ok. I’ll wait as long as you need and cheer you on until you are.”
“Thank you,” you answered.
After that, Junhui just held you close, each of you taking in the fact that you really admitted that you loved each other.
When the time came for you to go home, you kissed Junhui’s cheek and said, “Thank you for today.”
“It’s no problem, my love.”
And with that, you walked out of Junhui’s house and drove back to your own, dreading the time that you’d have to spend with your husband.
When you got home, Yoongi asked, “How was your day?”
“It was fine,” you answered, upset about having to come home to your husband and missing Junhui more than you should have been.
“I’m glad,” he said, not really paying attention. “Listen, I have some things to take care of tomorrow after the gala. Can you get an Uber home tomorrow night?”
“Of course,” you said, used to his behavior.
“Thank you, my love.”
You wanted to yell at Yoongi not to call you that, but you didn’t. Instead, you plastered a fake grin on your face and said, “No problem, honey.”
For a minute, it looked like Yoongi was going to say something else. Instead, he seemed to snap himself out of it and just smiled. Not wanting to continue the conversation, you went straight to your bedroom, drifting off to sleep and thinking about Junhui.
The election results were planned to be announced at an elaborate gala, which you weren’t exactly looking forward to. You were certain that Yoongi would be paying more attention to Miyeon than you, the dress that he’d bought you for the event was uncomfortable and the exact opposite of the way that you preferred to dress, and you honestly had no idea if you were going to be able to spend any time with Junhui. Regardless, you put on the frumpy black dress and carefully applied your makeup while you waited for Yoongi to finish getting ready.
When your husband finished getting dressed and walked into your living room, he stopped and stared at you with an expression of what could only be described as confusion and guilt. After a brief awkward silence, however, he snapped himself out of it and said, “You look breathtaking tonight, love,” his voice barely above a whisper as he admired you.
“Thank you,” you mumbled, uncomfortable with the sudden display of affection that you’d been denied long enough that it now felt foreign.
After a moment of thought, Yoongi asked, “How about after the gala, we go out and celebrate together. Just you and me. What do you think?”
“I thought you said you were busy after the gala,” you replied matter-of-factly.
That was when Yoongi remembered what he’d told you and sighed, answering, “I can move that.”
“I wouldn’t want you to fall behind. It must be important if you ignored me the entire time you were planning it,” you spat, not thinking about your words or the way you said them.
“Hey, I did not fucking ignore you.”
“Don’t lie to me, Yoongi.”
“Love, can we just talk about this later? We’ll celebrate after the gala.”
“No, we won’t. I made plans since you said that you were busy.”
“Well, move them.”
“No. I’m not going to change my plans because you suddenly feel guilty about not spending enough time with your wife.”
Yoongi went silent after that, ignoring you as the two of you walked to your car and drove to the event. When you actually got to the venue, though, it was like the two of you were completely different people. The scowls that had graced both of your faces in the car turned to smiles so convincing you almost fooled yourself the second the two of you stepped out of the car. Yoongi’s arm wrapped around your waist as he guided you to the entrance. He doted on you as the two of you waited for the event to begin, constantly checking in with you to make sure that you were ok. It was strange, and you didn’t like it.
If the shift in how he treated you had come a few months earlier, before you found out for sure that Yoongi had been sleeping with Miyeon, you would have welcomed it with open arms as a sign that the man you loved still loved you. The problem with that, though, is that he wasn’t the man that you loved anymore. You were just going through the motions until you felt that the time was right for you to finally divorce him.
A few minutes after you arrived with Yoongi, you saw Junhui enter and sit down at a nearby table. As soon as you saw him, you desperately wanted to run to him, pull him into a hug, and kiss him like nothing else mattered. Instead, you stayed right where you were, silently looking forward to the plans you’d made with him for later that night.
You were bored out of your mind for most of the gala. Yoongi once again paid absolutely no attention to you, a sharp contrast to his attempt to pretend he still loved you earlier. Miyeon decided to not only show up at the gala but also spend every moment she wasn’t flirting with the other married men at the event hanging off of your husband’s arm. Your blood was boiling, but you maintained a cool exterior to avoid making a scene at an event that you knew was important to both the man that you loved and the man that you used to love.
When it was finally time to announce the results, you sat up straighter, forced a smile, and clapped as your city’s mayor approached the stage. When he reached the microphone, he said, “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for attending tonight’s gala, held to announce the results of this year’s district attorney election. Before I announce the results, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the sitting district attorney, Min Yoongi, and his contribution to our community for the last four years. Thank you.”
Yoongi stood up and waved to the other attendees as they clapped, and you started to feel sick to your stomach. You knew that it was wrong for you to think the way that you did, but you were honestly hoping that Yoongi lost the election. It was petty, and you knew it, but you wanted him to have some kind of consequence for the way that he’d treated you. In your mind, there was no better way to get that than to rip the career that made him so happy he forgot about you right out from under him.
Before you could continue wishing your husband would fail in his career, you were distracted by the mayor starting to speak again. With a clearly practiced fake smile on his face, he said, “Now, for the results of this year’s election. Our district attorney is Wen Junhui.”
When you heard Junhui’s name, you stood and cheered, not caring who stared as you applauded your husband’s loss. Watching Junhui approach the stage, you felt nothing but pride, and as he thanked everyone for attending the gala and voting for him, you couldn’t help but think that it was time to start loving him out loud.
In between Yoongi’s shallow attempts at conversation, you stepped away from your table to find Junhui, weaving your way through the crowd of very intimidating-looking individuals that wanted to congratulate him for his win. When Junhui saw you, though, he pushed his way past all of them to pull you close, whispering, “I’m so happy you’re here.”
“Congratulations, my love,” you said. “I can’t stay, but I wanted you to know how proud I am of you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too. We’re still celebrating together after this, right?”
“Of course,” you answered before you went back to your table
“What were you doing with him?” Yoongi asked, glaring at Junhui.
“Why do you even care? I thought you were too busy with your little girlfriend,” you spat back, not caring that Miyeon seemed to deflate at your words.
“Don’t act like you know what happened.”
“Oh, but I do. I know everything.” Yoongi looked shocked at your admission, and you added, “Did you really think I didn’t?”
“It doesn’t give you the right to start fucking him of all people,” Yoongi said.
“I think it does.”
“Whatever,” Yoongi spat, standing from his seat. “I’m not letting whatever the hell you’re doing go any further.”
The moment Yoongi spotted Junhui, he practically dragged him outside, yelling about how he wasn’t gonna let the younger man take what was rightfully his. Whether Yoongi meant you or his job as district attorney, you didn’t know, but you did know that he was going to get himself in trouble if he didn't calm down.
What happened next was a blur. You tried to talk Yoongi into going back inside, but before you could get the words out, he had Junhui on the ground, throwing punches and yelling about how he wasn’t going to get away with whatever he did. Not knowing what else to do, you ran inside to get help. Initially, you tried to find venue security, but they were nowhere to be found. So instead, you found Junhui’s friends from earlier.
After you explained the situation, Junhui’s “friends” followed you outside, immediately pulling Yoongi off of Junhui. They looked like they wanted to beat your husband to a pulp, but all it took was one look from Junhui for them to back down.
After making sure Junhui wasn't seriously injured, you walked over to Yoongi and said, “What the fuck was that?”
Yoongi answered, “He started it.”
“No, he didn’t. And even if he had, it doesn’t matter. You can’t just start fights in a fucking parking lot, Yoongi.” You paused before you added, “I’m gonna go check on Junhui.”
“Do you really care more about some guy than your own husband?”
“I don’t know. Do you really care more about your secretary than your own wife?” you asked before you walked away to find Junhui.
When you found Junhui, he was talking to the police on the other side of the parking lot. You didn’t hear all of what they said, but you hoped that everything would be over soon.
After Junhui finished speaking to the officer that had shown up during the chaos, he walked up to you and said, “I’m not pressing charges.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to deal with Yoongi any more than I have to,” he answered, looking like it hurt to talk. “Besides, I’m not actually hurt. He’s not as strong as he looks.”
You couldn’t help but laugh as you said, “No, he certainly is not.” After a brief moment of silence, you asked, “Can I go home with you tonight?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
With that, you helped Junhui to his car, and the two of you went back to his apartment. When you got there, you checked him again, and beyond a split lip and a few bruises that you were positive wouldn’t take long to heal, he was unharmed. Still, much to his frustration, you made him rest, taking care of him until the two of you fell asleep together in his bed.
When you went back home the next day, you found Yoongi in his home office, cleaning it up and gathering the files that would need to go back to city hall before his term officially ended. When he looked up and saw you, he opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, you said, “I want a divorce.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why, Yoongi? What's the point of staying married if both of us are seeing other people?”
“Do you have any idea how a divorce will make me look?”
“It can't make you look any worse than trying to fight the new DA in a fucking parking lot.”
Yoongi was silent for a minute before he sighed and said, “I'm not signing any divorce papers. Got it?”
Not wanting the argument to escalate, you walked away without another word, choosing to call Junhui and ask if you could go back to his place. He readily agreed, and without even bothering to tell Yoongi, you left.
When you pulled up in front of Junhui’s mansion, he was already outside waiting for you, already looking like he was in less pain than the day before. When you got out of your car, he held his arms out to hug you and asked, “Rough morning?”
“He said he won’t sign the divorce papers. Some bullshit about his image,” you answered, collapsing into Junhui’s arms as you fought back tears. You couldn’t believe that after everything that had happened between the two of you, Yoongi refused to walk away.
“He what?” Junhui asked, his voice laced with thinly veiled rage. But before you could explain further, he said, “Go inside. I’m gonna make some calls, and it’ll all be ok.”
“Do not hurt him,” you said as you let go of Junhui. “Promise me.”
“I promise that I will not hurt him, and I promise that I will not have other people hurt him on my behalf. I’m just gonna call in a few favors.”
“What does that mean?”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, sweetheart.”
With a sigh, you went inside, and Junhui took out his phone. While you waited for him to make whatever calls he needed to make, you wondered what kind of favors he was owed and how he was going to use them to get Yoongi to agree to divorce you. The more you thought about it, however, the more you realized that you really didn’t want to know.
After what felt like forever, Junhui came inside, and the two of you went up to his room, ready to relax together and forget about Yoongi for a while.
You decided to stay at Junhui’s house for a few more days, occasionally texting Yoongi just to let him know that you were safe. You knew it was kind of ridiculous to update your husband about staying at your lover’s house, but as tired as you were of being married to Yoongi, you knew that you’d feel guilty if you disappeared without a trace.
Eventually, though, you got a call from Yoongi. You answered it, wondering what was wrong, but before you could ask, you heard him say, “Fine. You win. I’ll sign the fucking papers.”
“What?”
“I don’t know what the fuck he did, but I don’t want him doing it anymore. I’ll sign them.”
You were incredibly confused and concerned, but you decided not to question the fact that he changed his mind. Instead, you just said, “Thank you. I’ll call you after I make arrangements with a lawyer,” and hung up.
“Who was that, baby?” Junhui asked, coming back to the bedroom.
“It was Yoongi. He agreed to the divorce.”
“Oh, really?” Junhui said, giving you a knowing smile. “Did he say why?”
“He said that he didn’t know what the fuck you did, but he didn’t want you doing it anymore. What the fuck were those favors?”
“Oh, I just called some friends that are really good at finding information,” he answered matter-of-factly as he carefully climbed into bed next to you.
“Thank you.”
“No problem, my love,” he said, relaxing as you pulled him close. “I just wanna make you happy.”
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 13,498
Genre: Fluff, smut, slight angst
AU: Non idol AU, pastor!Joshua
Tropes: Strangers to friends to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Blasphemy, Jihoon is a toxic and slightly misogynistic asshole but reader dumps his ass I promise, definitely a power imbalance because Joshua is reader's pastor, smut (soft dom!Joshua, unprotected sex, creampie, oral, dry humping, sex in a church closet, a tiny bit of exhibitionism, Joshua has a corruption kink, breeding kink, virgin!reader at the beginning). If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!
Summary: Your church's new pastor teaches you about more than faith.
A/N: Shout out to the absolutely wonderful @okiedokrie-main, @nothoughtsjustfic, @effervescentorbs, @ohnoitsanotaku, @themoonlightfae, and @spacequokka for listening to me talk about this fic and helping me with ideas during the very long brainstorming and writing process! I love you guys so much.
And in case anyone was wondering, all of the quoted Bible verses are from the New Living Translation.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @my-neurodivergent-world, @1800dojaejung, @aeristudios, @thestraybunny, @mylovesstuffs, @be-my-sunrise
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
You loved your parents dearly, but you hated attending their church. Not because you weren’t a believer, and not because you disliked church in general, but because you’d completely lost any and all respect you ever had for the church’s head pastor. Reverend Yoon had a good reputation in your hometown, and most of the other members of the congregation adored him, but you hadn’t felt the same for a long time. After all, he seemed to have a very superficial view of faith, putting more emphasis on following rules than actually loving and trusting God in his sermons.
You were actually considering finding a new church to attend when you found out that Reverend Yoon was leaving. On a seemingly random Sunday, he told everyone in the congregation that God was calling him to work as a missionary, but the way he fidgeted as he spoke and refused to meet anyone’s eyes when they approached him after service told you that there was probably more to the story than he was letting on. Regardless of the reason, however, you were relieved that he was leaving.
The following Sunday, you met Reverend Yoon’s replacement. As you walked into the church with your parents and Jihoon, your longtime boyfriend, you noticed a man that you hadn’t seen before standing at the front of the room. As you watched him speak with church leaders whose names you’d stopped caring to remember, you started to wonder what this new pastor was like, so you decided to introduce yourself. Before you could, though, Jihoon pulled you to your seat, and service begain.
With a confidence that you could only wish you had, the man you’d noticed when you walked in approached the pulpit and said, “Hello, everyone. I’m Reverend Hong, and starting today, I’ll be taking Reverend Yoon’s place as he moves on to have new experiences and grow in his faith. Before we begin with the announcements and opening prayer, however, I want to say thank you. Thank you, everyone, for attending today and giving me a chance.”
Jihoon seemed unimpressed by the introduction, but you were moved by the way Reverend Hong spoke immediately. Even his simple introduction seemed to have more passion than an entire sermon delivered by Reverend Yoon, and you felt oddly hopeful. It was too soon to say for sure, but you were already considering continuing to attend services where you were rather than searching for a new church like you’d originally planned.
For the most part, the rest of the service was no different from what you were used to. The worship team sang various Christian songs that you’d heard on the radio, there were prayers for members of the congregation that had been struggling, and shiny offering plates were passed along each row of seats so that everyone in the congregation could give money to the church. When Reverend Hong started his sermon, however, you realized that he really was nothing like Reverend Yoon.
Your eyes were fixed on Reverend Hong from the moment he stepped closer to the pulpit and said, “Hello again, everyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming today. It is such a joy to be here with all of you to worship God.” He paused for a moment to collect himself before he continued, “Today, I wanted to talk a bit about new beginnings. Not just because today marks the beginning of my time as head pastor at this church, but also because the past few months have been a time of change for everyone. As we leave the previous year behind and start anew, it’s important to remember to trust God in all of our endeavors. New beginnings may seem frightening, but God will always have our backs, no matter how difficult life gets. As the book of Psalms says, ‘The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.’”
From the moment that Reverend Hong began to speak, you felt a wave of peace wash over you that you weren’t really used to. Sure, you considered yourself a devout Christian, but that was because of the time that you’d spent studying the Bible on your own time. You’d never been moved by a sermon before, especially so early. You were pleasantly surprised by your church’s new pastor once again.
As Reverend Hong continued to speak about trusting God in uncertain times and the joy that can come from new beginnings despite their difficulties, you continued to find yourself unusually emotional. You even started to cry at one point, something that had never happened during a church service before. As the sermon concluded with another Bible verse, you realized that you’d completely changed your mind about finding a new church.
When service was over, you finally got the chance to introduce yourself to Reverend Hong. He had a crowd of people around him that wanted to do the exact same thing, though, so you had to wait longer than you would have liked. Still, you were excited to finally speak to the man that made you tear up during a sermon for the first time in your life.
When the crowd started to disperse, satisfied with their first impressions of the new pastor, you moved closer and introduced yourself.
“It’s lovely to meet you,” Reverend Hong responded as he reached his hand out for you to shake. “What did you think of today’s sermon?”
You shook his hand as you said, “I thought that it was beautiful. Today was actually the first time I’ve ever been moved to tears during a sermon.”
“Really?”
You nodded and continued, “Your passion when you speak about God is admirable.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I’m really looking forward to next week’s sermon,” you said with a grin.
“Thank you. I’m so happy to hear that.”
You heard Jihoon call your name, and that was when you said, “I have to go now, but it was wonderful to meet you. Have a blessed day!”
“I hope you have a blessed day, as well.”
You walked away from Reverend Hong to find your boyfriend, who was standing by the entrance looking slightly annoyed. When you reached him, you asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine, dear,” Jihoon answered, though you knew he was lying.
“Are you ready to go?” you asked. He nodded, and you took his hand and walked out of the church.
Once you and Jihoon were in the car, he sighed and asked, “So, what do you think of Reverend Hong?”
“I’m not sure yet,” you answered. That was a lie, but Jihoon didn’t need to know that just yet.
“Really? You seemed to like him quite a bit.”
“I mean, he’s passionate when he speaks, and I admire that.”
He laughed softly and said, “I don’t know if I’d describe him as passionate. Melodramatic seems like a better word.”
You went quiet after that, and Jihoon continued to talk about how Reverend Hong spoke with too much emotion and didn’t seem to know the Bible as well as Reverend Yoon did. You thought that Jihoon was judging Reverend Hong far too harshly, though, especially because he’d only heard one sermon from the new pastor. However, you didn’t share your thoughts with your boyfriend. After all, what was the point of speaking if you knew he wouldn’t listen?
When Jihoon pulled up to your apartment building, you leaned over to kiss his cheek, but before you could, he moved away and said, “I’ll text you when I get home.”
“Ok, I love you.”
Jihoon didn’t respond, so you got out of the car and went into your apartment. As you went about the rest of your day, you wondered what you’d done wrong this time for your boyfriend to move away from you when you tried to do something as simple as kissing his cheek. And for him to refuse to say that he loved you? You were devastated.
It was strange, really. When you and Jihoon first started seeing each other, he was one of the most affectionate men that you’d ever met. He never went a day without telling you just how lucky he was to have you, he always had his arms around you, and he got excited to spend time with you. Now, he still acted like that sometimes, like when he wanted something from you or when you acted the way he thought a woman of God was “supposed to act,” but for the most part, you were lucky if he told you that he loved you back. He never initiated physical contact with you, and half the time, he moved away if you tried to. Attending church together and going on dates felt more like a formality than something that was done because he wanted to see you.
You loved Jihoon dearly, you really did, but you didn’t know if you could continue with a relationship where you felt like you had to constantly make yourself smaller to be treated like you were worthy of love.
After that first sermon, your admiration for Reverend Hong only grew. Each week during Sunday service, he spoke with such love and passion, whether he was advising against sinful behavior or reminding the congregation of God’s love for them. And almost every time, he brought you to tears as you pondered his sermons and noticed feelings that you didn’t quite have a name for yet blossoming in your chest.
As your respect for Reverend Hong grew, however, your relationship with Jihoon got worse. On top of his prior behavior, he was now accusing you of spending too much time with other men, even complaining about Reverend Hong whenever you spoke to him after service.
“I’m just saying, it’s suspicious that you talk to him every week after service.”
“Why is it suspicious that I want to talk to my pastor?”
“You never used to stay to speak to Reverend Yoon after service.”
“Reverend Yoon made me uncomfortable and cared too much about enforcing rules he himself didn’t follow to encourage a connection with God the way Reverend Hong does.”
“I liked Reverend Yoon,” Jihoon mumbled in response.
“That’s not the point,” you spat. “The point is that it’s not wrong for me to want to speak to my pastor.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “You know what, I’m going home.”
“Fine,” you said as Jihoon left.
Once you heard Jihoon pull away, you plopped onto your couch and sighed. He’d been so controlling lately, you didn’t think that you wanted to be with him anymore. The realization hit you like a brick, but once you had the thought, it wouldn’t leave your mind. So, you did what you always did. You prayed, and when you finally stood up to go about the rest of your day, you knew exactly what you needed to do.
The decision to leave Jihoon hadn’t been an easy one to make, but it was what you knew needed to happen. The only problem was that you didn’t know how, so you decided to get some advice after church. You arrived for service with your parents and boyfriend like usual, but instead of going right to your seat, you went to the front of the church to find Reverend Hong. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you today?”
“I’m doing well, Reverend. Thank you for asking,” you answered as you tried to maintain your composure. “Can I speak to you about something after service?”
“Of course. Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine. I just need some guidance on a personal matter.”
“I understand. Come see me after service, and we’ll pray together. See what God calls you to do after that. Then, we’ll see when we can discuss further if you need additional advice.”
“Wonderful. Thank you so much, Reverend.”
“It’s no problem.”
“I still appreciate it,” you replied before leaving to find Jihoon.
When you found your boyfriend and sat down next to him, you noticed that he seemed frustrated. You wanted to ask him why, but before you could, the service began, so you decided to talk to him after you saw Reverend Hong. In the meantime, you would enjoy another service.
After the sermon and closing prayer, you asked Jihoon to wait for you outside the church. He agreed, and you approached Reverend Hong. There were a number of people already speaking to him, so you waited patiently and thought about how you wanted to approach the conversation when you asked him for advice. You didn’t want to sound disrespectful, but you also knew that downplaying the way that Jihoon treated you wouldn’t help you, so you chose to just be honest.
You were so focused on deciding what to say, you didn’t hear Reverend Hong calling your name at first. You didn’t even realize he was trying to get your attention until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You jumped at the sudden contact, and Reverend Hong said, “I’m so sorry I startled you. Are you alright? You seemed like your mind was elsewhere.”
“I’m ok, Reverend. I was a bit lost in thought; I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you were trying to get my attention.”
“It’s alright. Now, what did you want to talk about?”
With a sigh, you quietly answered, “I’ve been struggling a bit with my relationship. I love my boyfriend, but he doesn’t act like he loves me unless I’m doing something that benefits him or behaving the way that he thinks that I should.” It was a lie at that point to say that you loved Jihoon, but you didn’t think Reverend Hong needed to know that.
“What do you mean by ‘the way he thinks that you should?’”
“Well, there are times that he tells me I’m not acting like a godly woman, and if I don’t meet his standards, he acts like we aren’t even together. The way he treats me is so confusing.”
Reverend Hong looked like he was troubled by your admission, but he quickly shook his head and changed his expression to a soft smile before he said, “Have you ever tried to talk to him about the way that he treats you?”
You nodded and said, “He doesn’t listen, but I have tried. I think I need to leave him, but I don’t know how to start the conversation.”
“Well, that’s what we’ll pray about, then. Would that be ok?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his and bowed his head. You did the same, and he started to pray that God would give you the strength to communicate your needs and walk away from a relationship that was hurting you.
Once Reverend Hong was done praying, you looked up at him and smiled before you said, “Thank you.”
“No problem. Let me know how the conversation goes, and if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to come find me.”
“I appreciate that more than you know, Reverend. Have a blessed day.”
You left the sanctuary to look for Jihoon, and when you found him, he was laughing and talking with his best friend, Seokmin. Your boyfriend looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, and you almost felt guilty for interrupting his time with his friend. So, you waited for them to notice you instead of saying something. You didn’t have to wait long though, since shortly after you made your way over, Jihoon looked at you with a smile and said, “Hi, honey. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I just wanted to talk to people before we left.”
“Is everything ok? You look upset,” Seokmin asked.
You smiled at your boyfriend’s friend and said, “I’m ok, ‘Min. I just wanted to ask Reverend Hong to pray with me about something.”
Your boyfriend soured immediately at the mention of Reverend Hong and said, “I think we should go. Are you ready, honey?” You nodded, and he turned to his friend and said, “Bye, Seokmin.”
“Bye, guys!” Seokmin replied with a smile. You waved in response, and Jihoon practically dragged you out of the church and into his car.
Once you were in the car, Jihoon asked, “Why the hell did you go to Reverend Hong for advice and not me?”
“I was asking him for advice because there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
“What is it?”
With a sigh, you answered, “The way you treat me hurts a lot. It’s like you only love me when I’m acting the way that you want me to.”
Jihoon was quiet for a minute before he answered, “That’s not true.”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you repeated, slightly louder this time.
“How do I act like it?”
“I try to kiss your cheek, and you move away from me. I tell you that I love you, and you’re silent in response. You tell me what to do, what to say, and how to act, and if I don’t meet those standards, it’s like I’m nothing to you. I love you, but I’m tired.”
“And you chose to handle those feelings by going to someone else first and then telling me that there was a problem?”
“Jihoon, what is with you? I asked someone that I respect for advice because I wanted this conversation to be productive.”
“Do you respect him more than you respect me?”
With a sigh, you answered, “No.”
“Then don’t act like you do.”
“You know what? I’m just gonna say it. I’m done. We’re over.”
“Really? Because I’m not doing exactly what you want? In a true Biblical relationship, the-”
“Jihoon, I don’t want to hear it. We’re done.”
Just as you said the words, Jihoon arrived at your apartment. So, you got out of his car, went inside, and immediately blocked his number. Then, you curled up in a ball on your couch and cried. Sure, you knew that your relationship with Jihoon was long over by the time you actually talked to him, but the realization that he would never love you the way you used to love him was still painful.
The following Sunday, you arrived at church alone and once again approached Reverend Hong before service finding your seat. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you doing today?”
You felt like you were about to break down in tears, but you still forced a half smile and said, “I’m doing ok. Thank you for asking, Reverend. Would it be alright to speak with you again after service today?”
“Of course. Is it related to what we prayed about last week?”
You nodded and said, “The conversation didn’t go as well as I would have hoped.”
Reverend Hong put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m happy to help however you need me to.”
“Thank you. I should go find my seat now, but I’ll see you after service.”
You quickly turned to find your seat, and the service began. You honestly didn’t pay attention through most of it, but you immediately perked up when Reverend Hong said, “Hello, everyone. I’d like to begin today’s sermon by speaking to the brokenhearted among us. In Psalm 34, verse 18, the Bible says, ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ Trust me when I say that I know it can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that God is always with us, no matter how much pain we’re in. Trust Him and allow Him to carry your burdens.”
You started to tear up as he spoke, and you thought about what he said through the lens of your own recent experiences. You thought about how God had always gotten you through challenging times in your life, and you found peace in the knowledge that He could and would do it again. Sure, you were hurting, but you knew that you would heal. You always did.
When the service was over, you approached Reverend Hong and waited for him to finish talking to other members of the church that had gotten to him before you. As you waited, you couldn’t help but notice the kind way that he spoke to everyone that approached him and the gentle smile on his face as he answered questions and gave advice like it was his highest calling. When it was your turn, you moved closer to him and said, “Hello, Reverend. Thank you for speaking with me today.”
“You’re welcome. How did everything go? Did you talk to your boyfriend?”
“Yes, and we broke up,” you answered, fighting back tears as you spoke.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. Would you like to pray together?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his before he prayed for God to guide you in your healing journey and send you someone that would treat you with love and respect when the time was right, if that was what you wanted. After he ended the prayer, he let go of your hands and looked at you before he said, “If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m happy to help you in whatever way I can.”
“Thank you, Reverend. That means a lot to me.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Would it be possible to speak about this more another time? There are some specific things that I’m struggling with, but I don’t want them to be overheard.”
“Of course. I’m free this Saturday if that works for you.”
“It does.”
After that, the two of you discussed a time to meet at his apartment and exchanged numbers. Then he texted you his address before he said, “I hope that you find the peace and healing that you need.”
“Thank you so much, Reverend. Have a wonderful day.”
After the conversation with Reverend Hong, you found that you already felt better about the end of your relationship with Jihoon. Sure, you still sort of missed him, but you knew that in the end, everything would be ok. After all, when you left the church and got back to your apartment, you felt noticeably lighter, and you silently thanked God for sending Reverend Hong to your church.
As the week went by, you realized that you were more nervous than you thought you would be to actually go to Reverend Hong’s house. Sure, you knew that he just wanted to help you, but you couldn’t shake the anxiety that bubbled up if you thought about the meeting for too long. It was strange, really. You never felt nervous to see or speak to him at church. But, in the end, you chalked your nerves up to the anxiety that always comes with visiting someone’s home for the first time and decided to ignore it as much as you could.
When Saturday finally arrived, you felt more nervous than you’d been all week. Despite your anxiety, however, you tried to be hopeful that talking to Reverend Hong would help you feel better. After all, it was nice to have someone in your corner.
When you were ready to leave, you put the address that Reverend Hong had given you the previous Sunday into your phone’s GPS and drove to his apartment. Once you arrived, you softly knocked on the door, and he opened it with a smile before he said, “Hi. How are you doing today?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure, Reverend. How are you?”
“Please, there’s no need to be so formal when we’re not at the church. Call me Joshua.” There was a brief awkward silence before he said, “Come on in,” and moved out of the doorway.
When you walked into Joshua’s apartment, you couldn’t help but notice how cozy everything was. Bookshelves filled with different versions of the Bible as well as various comic books and novels that you didn’t recognize lined the living room. The couch looked soft and inviting, the deep brown color reminding you of coffee. Everything about it made you feel at home.
You were so distracted by your admiration of Joshua’s space that you didn’t realize he was speaking until he tapped your shoulder and asked, “Is everything ok?”
You jumped at the sudden contact and answered, “I’m fine. I was just admiring the way you’ve decorated. The whole place feels so cozy and inviting.”
“Thank you. Would you like to sit?” You nodded, and he led you to the couch before he added, “So, what’s been going on?”
With a sigh, you answered, “I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Well, every relationship I’ve ever had has gone downhill at some point. When I was in high school, it was usually because I wasn’t interested in… certain activities,” you replied, hesitating when you remembered the boys you’d casually dated in high school. “Then, I started seeing Jihoon about a year and a half ago, and everything was perfect. At least, it was for the first few months.”
“What happened with Jihoon?”
With a sigh, you explained every detail of your relationship that you had hesitated to tell him before. You started with how sweet he was when the two of you first started dating and ended with how he didn’t even treat you like a friend anymore after a while, much less his girlfriend. But you noticed Joshua’s expression shifting as you spoke, so you stopped yourself to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare.”
“No, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that. Especially from someone that claimed to love you.”
“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think the only thing ‘wrong’ is your taste in men,” he said with a laugh.
You sighed and responded, “I guess you’re right. I don’t know what to do about that, though.”
“Well, we could start by praying, if you’d like.”
You smiled softly and said, “That sounds lovely.”
With that, Joshua took your hands in his and prayed that God would guide you in the right direction and help you find a man that would treat you with love and respect, if you wanted a relationship. Once the prayer ended, he turned to you and asked, “Do you feel better?”
You nodded and said, “Thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. It’s my job as a pastor to provide support when someone in my congregation needs it.”
“That doesn’t mean that I can’t show appreciation.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said with a gentle smile. After a brief silence, he added, “I could also give you a few Bible verses that I think would help you, if you’d like.”
“I’d love that.”
“Wait here.”
You were puzzled when Joshua stood up and left the room, but when he came back with 2 small pieces of paper and a pen, you realized he was probably writing down the verses for you. Your guess was confirmed when you saw him pull one of the many Bibles that he owned off of a bookshelf and open it to a seemingly random page. After that, he wrote something down, flipped to another page, and started writing again. After both verses were written down, he handed you both sheets of paper. You carefully took them from him, and when you looked at the first one, you saw the following written in the most elegant handwriting you’d ever seen:
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7”
You very carefully folded the first piece of paper and put it into your pocket before turning your attention to the second. The writing on the second piece of paper said:
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10”
You looked back up at Joshua, and he smiled before he said, “I thought that those two verses specifically would be good reminders of what to look for in a partner. Someone that truly treats you like they love you and helps you when you need someone to lean on is more valuable than gold, in my opinion.”
“Those are definitely good qualities to look for.”
There was a brief but comfortable silence before Joshua asked, “Would you like to stay for dinner tonight? I’m not having anything fancy, just leftovers from last night, but you seem like you could use the company.”
“Thank you. Dinner sounds wonderful.”
With that, Joshua stood up and left his living room to reheat dinner for the two of you. While you waited, you thought about the verses that you’d been given, and you did find some comfort when you felt the two small pieces of paper in your pocket.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by Joshua’s voice asking, “Are you ready to eat?” You nodded, and he added, “Come with me,” gesturing for you to follow him into the dining room.
While the two of you ate together, you discussed your personal histories with your faith, and every minute only increased your respect for Joshua. He was clearly a man of God, and you were grateful that you had a leader like him in your community. As he shared the story of how he decided to go into ministry, you couldn’t help but get the slightest bit emotional.
Every minute of your conversation made you feel safer with Joshua. He seemed to hang onto every word as you told stories from your childhood and teenage years that solidified your faith in God, and after a conversation about your favorite stories from the Bible, he smiled and said, “You really know what you’re talking about.”
“Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”
The two of you continued to talk well into the night, but eventually, you did have to leave. After all, you would need to be awake at a reasonable hour the next morning so that you could get ready for church. So, after you thanked Joshua for having you in his home, you drove back to your apartment, once again silently thanking God for sending a man like Joshua to your community.
For the next several months after that first visit, you and Joshua met regularly, either at your apartment or his, to read from the Bible together and discuss whatever the subject of his sermon was that Sunday. Sure, you didn’t necessarily need his advice on anything, but you enjoyed hearing his perspective, and having something besides church to look forward to on weekends really helped your mood.
As time went on, however, you found yourself struggling to pay attention during your discussions. Instead of thinking about the words that Joshua said, you found yourself thinking about the way his voice sounded and how attractive he looked when he was focused on finding a specific passage from the Bible. You spent more time than you wanted to admit thinking about how it would feel for him to kiss you, to hold you, and to take you to places you’d never been before.
You knew that it was wrong to think the way you did, especially about your pastor, but you just couldn’t seem to stop yourself. So, you decided to pray. Every night, you begged God to help you figure out a way to get the inappropriate thoughts out of your mind, and every day, you realized that the answer to your prayer was a firm “no” for reasons you didn’t understand.
Since prayer didn’t help in the way that you’d hoped it would, you decided to try reading from your Bible more. Every day, you made time for personal Bible study, and while you were actively studying, you were able to focus on something other than the sinful thoughts of Joshua that plagued your every other waking moment. As soon as you were done, though, the thoughts would return, and you’d go right back to feeling hopeless and guilty.
Not knowing what else to do, you decided to call Joshua and ask him if you could come over the next time he wasn’t busy for some advice on a personal matter. He happily agreed, and you thanked him before you hung up the phone, ready to face the situation head-on.
The agreed-upon day finally came, and you felt like you were going to cry for the entire drive to Joshua’s apartment. Still, you knew that you had to go. After all, you couldn’t get the advice that you needed from him if you didn’t ask in the first place. So, with a deep breath, you knocked on the door. A few seconds later, he opened the door and smiled before he said, “Lovely to see you! How are you today?”
“I’ve been better. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Joshua stepped out of the way long enough for you to step into his apartment, and once you were inside and the door was shut, he asked, “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”
“Before I actually tell you what’s going on, I just want to say that I am so, so sorry.”
“Listen to me. Whatever it is, I’m here to provide support and guidance,” he said as he took a seat on his couch and patted the spot next to him. “Now, what’s troubling you?”
You sat on the couch next to him, and your heart started to race. Whether it was due to attraction or anxiety, you had no idea. Still, you tried to take deep breaths to calm down before you looked at him and said, “I’ve been struggling with inappropriate thoughts lately.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Why are you apologizing to me?”
You really wanted to leave and never face Joshua again, but you’d come too far to go back. So, with another deep breath, you added, “They’re about you.” His eyes widened at your admission, and you said, “I’m sorry, I know that it’s-”
Joshua softened when he heard your apology and said, “Sweetheart, listen to me. Ok?” The pet name took you by surprise, but you still nodded, and he continued, “There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. It’s normal to think that way about someone.”
Quietly, you asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“Not at all. Can I admit something to you too?”
“What is it?”
“I think about you the same way.”
“Really?”
“Of course, sweetpea. How could I not?”
“I don’t know. I just felt bad about thinking about you in that way. Especially because the thoughts usually happen during our Bible studies.”
“My dear, there’s nothing to feel bad about. If God didn’t want us to feel attracted to people, He wouldn’t have given us the ability to feel attraction in the first place. It’s ok.”
You relaxed significantly when Joshua reassured you and said, “Thank you for not judging me or telling me that I’m wrong.”
“I’ll never judge you, sweetheart,” Joshua said as he placed his hand on your shoulder. You opened your mouth to say something in response, but in the end, you decided against it. He must have noticed because he added, “What’s on your mind?”
“I was thinking about kissing you again,” you mumbled.
“Again?” Joshua asked, clearly enjoying how embarrassed you felt.
You nodded and quietly answered, “I daydream about it sometimes.”
“Well, why don’t we make those daydreams a reality?”
You nodded, and he leaned closer to you. You leaned in too, and before you knew it, your lips met his. The kiss was soft at first, with neither of you sure how far you should go, but in a matter of minutes, the air in the room shifted. The way he kissed you started to feel hungry, for lack of a better way to describe it. You knew that you probably should have been ashamed of the way you felt as he kissed you, but you weren’t. Instead, all you could think about was how good his lips felt against yours and how badly you wanted the moment to last forever.
At some point, Joshua pulled away to give you a chance to breathe. As you caught your breath, he looked at you with something you couldn’t quite identify in his eyes and asked, “Can we try something, angel?”
“What is it?”
“Sit on my lap.”
You hesitantly did as you were told, and you felt something unfamiliar rubbing against you. You weren’t upset, though, and based on the sigh that slipped from Joshua’s mouth as you settled into a comfortable position on top of him, he wasn’t either.
Once you were settled, he looked up at you and asked, “Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then will you let me help you?”
“What do you mean? I thought that you said that it’s normal to feel this way.”
“It absolutely is normal, sweetheart. I just meant that I could help you get some relief if you’d like.”
You thought about what he said for a moment before you said, “Ok.”
Joshua smiled at you and placed his hands on your hips. Then, he asked, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”
With a sigh, you nodded and said, “I’m sure. I trust you.”
“Then can you start moving your hips for me?”
You slowly started to move back and forth, with Joshua’s hands on your hips guiding you and setting a slow but steady pace. The feeling between your legs as you moved was unfamiliar, but you loved it. It was a kind of pleasure that you’d never experienced before, and as you started to lose yourself in that pleasure, you couldn’t help but wonder if Joshua would help you experience it again.
Shortly after you started, a soft moan slipped out of your mouth, and you abruptly stopped and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“Don’t apologize. It’s ok. I promise. It felt good, right?” You nodded, and he said, “Keep going, sweetpea. I wanna hear more of those sweet little sounds.”
Hesitantly, you did as you were told. In a matter of minutes, though, your hesitation melted away, and the only thing left was pleasure. As you rocked your hips back and forth, Joshua bucked his hips up to meet yours, groaning softly and whispering soft praises into your ear.
“You look so pretty on top of me, angel,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you could see just how beautiful you are.”
You wanted to be embarrassed by the way your body reacted to his words, but you didn’t care nearly enough about what you should have been feeling to be ashamed. All you cared about was how good Joshua made you feel and how happy you were that he thought about you the same way you thought about him. You were also more relieved than you could put into words that he didn’t think that you were wrong for thinking about him that way like you’d expected him to.
As you continued to rock your hips back and forth, an unfamiliar feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach. You wanted to ask Joshua what the feeling was and what to do about it, but before you could get the words out, your whole body tensed as a wave of unbelievable pleasure washed over you, loud moans falling from your lips as you lost yourself in the feeling.
As you caught your breath, you found yourself thinking about just how badly you wanted to do the things that you just did again and again. The desire that had taken center stage in your mind was still pretty new to you, and you were certain that if you were of a clearer mind you’d be ashamed of yourself, but you already found yourself addicted to the pleasure that Joshua gave you.
You snapped out of your thoughts when Joshua said, “Hey, stay with me, baby. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I was just thinking.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I really wanna do that again.”
With a soft smile, Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you again. Without meaning to, you started to move your hips back and forth again, and he pulled away just long enough to say, “Calm down, sweetheart. Plenty of time for more of that later. But first, there’s something else that I’d like to try. Would that be ok?” You nodded, and he added, “I want you to get on your knees for me, angel.”
You scrambled to follow his instructions before you looked up at him and asked, “What do you want me to do?”
“Well, how do you feel about sucking my cock?”
Suddenly feeling shy, you looked down and mumbled, “I’ve never done that before.”
“I know, dove. That’s why I’m going to teach you how, as long as you want me to.” You hesitated to respond to that, though, so he placed his hand under your chin and lifted your face so that the two of you were making eye contact again before he asked, “Do you want me to?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Are you sure, dove? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
With a deep breath, you answered, “I’m sure. I want to do this with you. I trust you.”
“Promise me that you’d tell me if you didn’t want it.”
“I promise.”
“Good girl.”
Joshua’s words and the sweet way that he said them made you feel giddy in a way that you weren’t used to, and it made you want nothing more than to make him happy. Sure, you were nervous, but you meant it when you said that you trusted him, so you were happy to do whatever he asked, especially if you could make him feel the way that he’d made you feel.
With a loving smile on his face, he gestured to his pants and said, “Go ahead and unbutton these, dove.”
You did as you were told, and he stood up to fully remove the pesky clothing. When you finally saw him bare from the waist down, you were hit with a fresh wave of nervousness, but the same desire that had gotten you to this point was what helped you move past it. With a flirty smile, you looked up at Joshua again and asked, “What should I do now?”
“Just slowly take it into your mouth, angel.” Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, and he added, “Good girl. Now slowly move your head up and down.”
You happily did as you were told, wanting nothing more in that moment than to please Joshua. As you bobbed your head, you found yourself struggling to not gag, but you were willing to fight the feeling for as long as you could. Especially with the sweet moans and grunts that fell from Joshua’s lips as he told you how good your lips felt around him.
“Fuck, just like that, baby. You’re doing so good for me,” he groaned as he started to gently thrust into your mouth.
Of course, as soon as you started to wonder what else was going to happen, Joshua groaned and said, “I’m close, dove.”
You briefly considered stopping and asking Joshua what to do, but before you could, he grabbed your head and held you in place while a warm, slightly bitter fluid filled your mouth, and a series of loud moans and curses fell from his. Once you were sure that it had stopped, you looked up at him as if to ask what to do next. Noticing the confusion on your face, he took a deep breath and said, “Swallow it, baby.”
You once again did what you were told, took a series of deep breaths, and said, “That was fun.”
After Joshua caught his breath, he carefully helped you up and said, “Come here, angel.” Once you were standing again, he immediately pulled you into a hug and added, “Can I admit something else?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“I really want more than this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I want more from this, from you, than just ‘finding relief.’ I want an actual relationship with you.”
You lit up at his words and asked, “You do?”
“Of course I do, baby. I wouldn’t have done those things with you if I didn’t want something more.”
You were quiet for a minute before you asked, “Does this mean that we’re together now?”
“Only if you want it to.”
“I really do.”
“Then yes, it does.”
You smiled and kissed him again, elated that your discussion with him had gone better than you ever could have hoped. When you pulled away, you smiled and said, “Today has been a lot of fun.”
“I’m happy to hear that, angel.” There was a moment of silence before Joshua added, “Are you feeling ok? Regarding everything that we did earlier, I mean.”
You nodded and said, “I was definitely nervous, but I loved every second of it. Honestly, I kind of want to do it again.”
Joshua laughed softly before he responded, “As fun as that sounds, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed, dove.”
You were still disappointed, but you understood. So, you said, “Ok. Thank you for looking out for me,” and pulled him into a hug.
“I’ll always look out for you, sweetheart.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Can we cuddle?”
“Of course, baby,” he answered. “Do you wanna stay here and sit on the couch or go lie in bed?”
You hesitated before you responded, “Bed?”
“Ok. Come with me.”
Joshua let go of you briefly, and you opened your mouth to complain, but you changed your mind when he took your hand to lead you to his bedroom. With a smile, you said, “Your room looks so cozy.”
“Thanks,” he responded with a shy smile before lying down on his bed. Once he was settled, he reached his arm out to pull you into bed with him, and you laughed as you landed next to him. When he turned to see you staring at him with a gentle smile on your face, still laughing softly, the thought entered his mind that your laughter was even more beautiful than your moans, if that was even possible.
With his own dopey grin, he said, “Come here, baby,” and held his arms out to you. You moved closer, and he wrapped his arms around you while you put your head on his chest. Once you were settled, he asked, “Is this what you wanted, dove?”
You nodded and said, “This is nice.”
“Good. That was the goal.”
While you relaxed in Joshua’s arms, the two of you talked and got to know each other better. While you talked, you found yourself feeling tired, and you knew that you would probably need to go home soon. Almost immediately after you had that thought, however, you fell asleep.
The next morning, you panicked when you noticed that there was another person in your bed. You briefly relaxed when you rolled over and realized that you were lying next to Joshua, but once you started to remember the events of the day before, you panicked all over again. You rushed to get out of bed, but before you could get very far, Joshua pulled you closer before he said, “Just five more minutes, baby. Please?”
“But I need to go. I-”
“Where do you have to go?”
You hesitated before you answered, “Well, nowhere today, but I’ve never-”
Joshua could tell that you were stressed, so he started to rub your back and said, “Baby, it’s ok. Deep breaths, ok?”
You did what he asked before you said, “I’ve never spent the night at a boyfriend’s place before. I swear that I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m so sorry.”
“Angel, there is nothing to apologize for. I kind of figured that you didn’t mean to fall asleep. It was cute, though.”
Surprised by the compliment, you asked, “Really?”
“Of course. Everything you do is cute.”
You pouted in response to the compliment and responded, “Well you’re cuter.”
“Do you really wanna play that game with me, baby?” You went quiet after that, and he laughed softly before he added, “I love you.”
You were surprised that Joshua said that he loved you so soon, but you couldn’t really say that you were upset. After all, the way you felt about Joshua was already so much more intense than anything you’d ever felt for another person before. So, you reached out to play with his hair as you said, “I love you too.”
A few weeks after you and Joshua made your relationship official, the two of you planned for him to show up at your apartment early so that the two of you could spend some extra time together before he had to be at the church. So, you got up early and got ready, daydreaming about what you wanted to do with him while you waited for him to arrive.
Initially, you struggled to decide on an outfit, but in the end, you settled on a soft pink dress and matching flats that you found in the bottom of your closet. Once you were dressed, you admired yourself in the mirror until you heard a knock on the door.
“Hi, baby,” you said as you opened the door.
Joshua stared at you with what you could only describe as awe as he said, “Hi, angel. You look gorgeous today. Is that the dress you’re wearing to church?”
“Yep! Do you like it?” you asked, twirling to show it off.
“I really do, dove.”
With a smile, you moved out of the way so that Joshua could come in and asked, “Is there anything specific you wanna do to pass the time?” You had a few ideas when you saw Joshua all dressed up, but you weren’t sure how to ask for what you wanted. So, you stayed quiet, at least at first.
“I am too. What do you wanna do until we have to leave?”
“I’m not sure. Do you have any ideas?”
“I was thinking about a few things earlier, but I don’t want to do too much right before we have to leave.”
“Well, what were you thinking about?”
“This,” he answered before he pulled you as close as he possibly could and kissed you. You melted into his touch, and you were so distracted by the way his lips felt on yours, you almost didn’t notice his hand moving from your waist down to your ass. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t squeezed softly, earning a gasp from you. With a soft smile, he pulled away slightly and said, “You’re so cute.”
You didn’t respond at first, but after you took a few deep breaths, you collected yourself enough to mumble, “I really liked that.”
“Oh, really?” he asked. You nodded, and he chuckled and said, “You’re so cute, dove.”
Without thinking about it, you asked, “Can I touch you?”
“Maybe later, baby,” he answered, surprised by the question. You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you overwhelmed before church. Besides, I don’t know if we have time for that before we have to leave.”
“What about after?”
“We’ll talk after.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“I love you too, angel.”
A few minutes later, the two of you left for church, and Joshua’s hand was on your thigh for the entire ride. You definitely weren’t complaining, though. You loved the way his hand felt as he carefully moved it back and forth, and you liked how intimate the seemingly insignificant gesture felt. The only problem was that you kept getting distracted by thoughts of him touching you somewhere else.
You were so lost in your thoughts of the things that you wanted to do after church, you didn’t even notice that you had arrived until Joshua moved his hand from your thigh and asked, “Are you ready to go in, angel?”
“I guess,” you answered, the disinterest in your voice apparent.
“What’s wrong, sweetpea?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just kinda don’t wanna do this today.”
“I understand, baby. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have picked you up if I’d known.”
“I didn’t say anything because I still wanted to see you. I just don’t wanna sit through service today.”
“I really wish you’d said something. I could’ve figured something else out.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, nothing to be sorry for, dove. Just tell me next time, ok?” You nodded in response, and he added, “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
“Just a second. Can I ask you something, dove?”
“Of course.
“You seem a bit distracted,” Joshua said. “Is there something on your mind?”
You hesitated for a minute before you answered, “I’d rather be doing something else right now.”
“I have a feeling I know what it is that you want to do, but I still wanna hear you say it. So, what would you rather be doing right now?”
“Touching you.”
“Maybe after service, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Now, are you ready to go inside?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Ok, then let’s go.”
You and Joshua got out of his car and walked into the church, where everyone was happy to see both of you. It was kind of funny, really. No one cared to even say hello to you for most of the time you’d attended that church, but now that you were dating the pastor, you could hardly walk two steps without someone stopping you to say hello and ask how you were doing. Normally, you wouldn’t have minded the conversation, since you loved interacting with people, but that day, you were just so tired and really didn’t want to be there.
Joshua definitely noticed that you weren’t feeling well, and he tried to draw attention away from you wherever he could. To someone on the outside looking in, he would have seemed jealous and self-centered, whisking everyone that so much as said hello to you away and dominating the conversation. You knew better, though. In between greeting members of the congregation, he made sure to check in on you, something you greatly appreciated. He didn’t verbally ask you if you were ok, but he didn’t need to. All he had to do was take one good look at you, and he could gauge how you were feeling, at least when it came to your social battery.
By the time the service was actually ready to start, you were noticeably more relaxed. You were smiling more, your responses to questions and greetings were much less blunt, and you were more involved with conversations. As you and Joshua walked to your seats at the front of the church, you squeezed his hand, a silent expression of gratitude for looking out for you. He squeezed your hand again in response, a quiet acknowledgement that he understood.
The service itself was incredibly dull. Even Joshua’s sermon, which was about having healthy relationships as Christians, did nothing to keep you from getting bored as you waited for the socially acceptable time to leave to finally arrive. No one in the church would be able to tell that you were bored, though, except maybe Joshua, but only because you’d told him before service. As far as the rest of the congregation knew, you were the same good girl you’d always been, listening eagerly to the things that your pastor said.
When service finally ended, you immediately found Joshua, hoping to leave with him as quickly as possible. Of course, before you could go home, though, there were a number of people that wanted to speak with your boyfriend, either because they wanted to share their thoughts on the sermon or because they had a personal matter that they wanted guidance on. You wanted to be annoyed by the series of delays, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to be upset. After all, he took such care to address every question and concern with nothing but love, reassuring everyone that he spoke to and praying with them if they asked. Even the handful of children that approached him were treated with respect and dignity, like Joshua viewed their questions as just as important as the questions the adults in the congregation had.
Every moment watching Joshua interact with the people in your community made you fall more in love with him.
You were so lost in your thoughts; you almost didn’t notice that Joshua was calling your name. Once you snapped back to reality, you turned to face him with a smile, and he asked, “Are you ready to go?” You nodded, and he took your hand to lead you back to his car.
The ride home was mostly silent, with both of you too tired to fill the empty space around you with conversation. Joshua’s hand still rested comfortably on your thigh, however, and the seemingly small gesture did help you relax.
When Joshua pulled up to your apartment, you broke the comfortable silence that had formed during the ride and asked, “Would you like to stay for a bit?”
“Are you sure?”
You nodded and answered, “I’d really like some more time with you before you have to go home.”
“I think that sounds great, angel.”
With that, you and Joshua walked into your apartment together. The moment your front door was shut, you pulled him into a tight hug and said, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After he let go, you led Joshua to your couch, sat down, and asked, “What do you wanna do?” You hoped you didn’t sound as nervous as you felt, but considering how good Joshua already was at reading you, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he could tell.
Joshua pretended to think for a minute before he said, “I think you should pick what we do, baby.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and said, “I’m sure. What do you wanna do?”
You didn’t answer him verbally. Instead, you leaned closer and kissed him with everything you had. A soft noise of surprise left his mouth, but he relaxed pretty much immediately, tangling his hands in your hair as he deepened the kiss. A soft moan left your mouth, and you pulled away from him just enough to say, “I want you.”
“Oh really? What do you want from me, baby?” he asked, the teasing tone in his voice turning you on even more.
“Want you to touch me. Please?”
“How?”
“However you want. Just, please?”
“Patience, sweetheart. Do you want to do something we’ve already done, or do you want to do something different?” You mumbled something he couldn’t quite hear, so he said, “Speak up, love. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you want.”
“Wanna try something different.”
“What do you wanna try?” You were quiet after that, so he added, “Do you want my fingers? Do you want my tongue? Do you want my cock?”
A soft whine slipped out before you whispered, “The last one.”
“Oh really, baby?” he asked. You nodded, and he gently placed his hand under your chin, lifting your head to make eye contact with him as he asked, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Baby, I’m being serious here. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I know. I’m sure. I trust you.”
Joshua was amazed by how much you trusted him already.
“As long as you’re sure. If you change your mind at any point, though, I need you to tell me. Ok, angel?”
“I will. I promise.”
“Good girl,” he replied before he kissed you again, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer, if that was even possible. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined softly, and he asked, “Should we take this to your room, baby?” You nodded, and he laughed softly before he said, “Use your words, dove.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” you mumbled.
“Then lead the way, darling.”
You hesitantly took Joshua’s hand and led him to your bedroom. Once you were there, though, and Joshua’s lips found their way to your neck, any lingering hesitation was completely replaced by arousal. Soft moans slipped out of your mouth as he kissed and bit every inch of you he could comfortably reach, and once the desire that coursed through your veins was too much to bear, you whined, “Please do something.”
“I am doing something, sweetpea,” he teased.
“Want more,” you begged.
Joshua pretended to contemplate his options for a moment before he said, “Alright, baby. Can you take your clothes off for me?”
You nodded and did what you were asked, because of course you did. You were more turned on than you ever thought possible in that moment, and all you wanted was to make the man that you loved happy.
Once you were standing in front of him, naked and desperate, you mumbled, "Want you."
"I know, baby," Joshua replied as he rid himself of his own clothing. "Lie down on the bed."
You scrambled to follow his instructions, and once you were comfortable, he carefully climbed on top of you. When he was sure that you were ready, he slowly entered you.
To say the feeling of Joshua's cock inside of you was jarring would have been a vast understatement. Still, you didn't exactly dislike the feeling, especially once he started thrusting.
Joshua started out slowly at first, letting you adjust to the feeling, which you appreciated. Sure, you’d had a vague idea of how sex worked before you met Joshua, but you had no idea how it was supposed to feel, really. Now that you were actually experiencing it, you couldn’t help but think that Joshua’s cock inside you was one of your favorite feelings in the world.
Soft whines slipped out as the pleasure started to build, and Joshua kissed you before he said, “You feel so good, baby. Knew you would.”
“Want more,” you pleaded.
“What do you want, baby?” he asked as he stopped his thrusts.
“Don’t know,” you said, trying to catch your breath. “Just know I want more.”
“Aww, poor baby,” he said, laughing when you pouted. “Don’t worry, sweetpea. I’ll give you everything you want and more, I promise.”
With that, he started thrusting again, and the room was mostly silent as both of you got lost in how good you felt. When Joshua started to pick up the pace, though? You could barely contain the sounds that started to increase in volume and pitch.
“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna be the death of me,” Joshua said with a loud groan. “I’m gonna fucking marry you one day, I swear.”
You moaned loudly and choked out, “Please,” too lost in how he felt inside you to fully process what he was saying.
Joshua fucked into you harder as he said, “Can’t wait for you to be my gorgeous little wife. Maybe one day I’ll give you a baby too. How does that sound, angel?”
“Please. Want it so bad. Love you so much,” you whined, clenching around him.
“I love you too, baby. Fuck, I’m close.”
Before you could say another word, Joshua pulled out of you, cum hitting your stomach as he moaned your name. Without really meaning to, you whined at the loss, and he chucked softly, admiring you as he caught his breath.
“I have an idea,” Joshua said as he climbed off of you and sat on your bed. “Can you sit on my lap, angel?”
You nodded as you followed his instructions, and once you were comfortable, you asked, “Like this?”
Joshua shook his head and carefully moved you so that you were straddling one of his thighs before he asked, “Do you remember what we did a few weeks ago?”
“Yes? I think so. When I was on your lap?”
“Yes, exactly. Do you wanna do that again?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Go ahead, my darling.”
With no further hesitation, you started to move back and forth, with Joshua placing his hands on your hips to guide you. Every moment sent sparks of pleasure through you, and you knew that you weren’t gonna last much longer.
Almost right on cue, the now familiar heat in the pit of your stomach started to build, and you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. You tried to warn Joshua, but before you could, you came undone on top of him, holding onto the man you loved while pleasure coursed through your veins.
After you caught your breath, you carefully climbed off of Joshua, and he helped you clean up and put fresh clothes on. Then, once you were both dressed and comfortable again, you quietly asked, “Do you wanna stay the night?”
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to upset you again.”
“It’s ok, really,” you said. “I was just embarrassed last time." There was a brief silence before you mumbled, "I want you to stay."
"Ok, then I'll stay."
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, dove."
With that, the two of you left the bedroom, going to the kitchen to cook an early dinner together. After you finished eating, he helped you clean the kitchen, and the two of you spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s presence.
After your first time with Joshua, you felt like a completely different person. Not a bad kind of different, but different nonetheless. Before you met him, you never would have even considered sex before getting married. But when you were with Joshua, it was almost like you didn’t care anymore. You trusted him more than you’d ever trusted another person before, and that meant you were more than willing to test your limits when you were with him, even if you’d been told your whole life that the things you did together were sinful.
A few months into your relationship, you and Joshua found yourselves testing your limits once again at a church potluck. For the most part, everything was normal, with everyone in the congregation chatting about Joshua’s sermon earlier that morning while they enjoyed good food and good company. You enjoyed the sunny afternoon by sitting at a table outside of the church along with Joshua and a few of your mutual friends, and no one had a care in the world until you heard a disappointingly familiar voice ask, “How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing fine, Jihoon,” you answered halfheartedly as you turned toward the source of the voice.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk privately?” Jihoon asked, the nervousness he was feeling evident both in his voice and the look on his face.
“Is everything alright, Jihoon?” Joshua asked, visibly annoyed by your ex’s presence at your table.
“Everything is fine, Reverend. I just wanted to speak to her alone,” your ex answered, emphasizing the last word as he answered.
Joshua reached out and gently took your hand as he said, “I don’t believe that’s necessary.” It was a subtle gesture, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Jihoon. Or by you, for that matter. Whether it was the way he touched you with such care or the hint of frustration in his voice, or some combination of the two, you didn’t know. All you knew was that a feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach that was wildly inappropriate for where you were. Though, you had a feeling that Joshua would've loved it if you'd told him.
“Forgive me, Reverend, but I think that she should have the final say. Don’t you?” Jihoon asked before turning to look at you expectantly.
“There’s nothing for us to talk about, Jihoon,” you responded flatly. “It was nice to see you.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “It was nice to see you too,” giving you a halfhearted smile as he struggled to hide the frustration and disappointment that had replaced the nervousness he felt when he approached you. He still left you alone after that, though, which you were more grateful for than you could put into words.
Joshua, however, was clearly still angry, even after Jihoon walked away. So, you tried your best to distract him with silly conversations and plenty of touches that certainly toed the line of appropriateness but didn’t cross it obviously enough for the two of you to get in trouble. At first, you worried that you were pushing too far, but when you watched Joshua struggle to maintain his composure as you laughed at one of his jokes, you knew you had him right where he wanted you.
A few minutes after Jihoon walked away, Yewon, youth pastor Kwon’s wife, approached your table and asked, “Reverend Hong, is there another pack of paper plates somewhere? We’re getting low.”
“There should be some in the supply closet near the restrooms,” Joshua answered. “Would you like me to go get them?”
“Are you sure?” Yewon asked.
“Of course,” Joshua answered before he turned to you and asked, “Would you mind helping me look for them, my love?”
“Not at all,” you answered, happy to help your boyfriend.
“Thank you so much,” Yewon said before she walked away.
With a mischievous smile on his face, Joshua took your hand and said, “Let’s go get those plates.” That was when you started to get a feeling that something more would happen, but you weren’t sure if that was because of how he was acting or how badly you wanted him in that moment. Regardless of the reason, you stood up and let Joshua lead you into the church.
Once you found your way to the supply closet that Joshua had mentioned, he entered the cramped storage room, pulled you in behind him, and shut and locked the door. You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, his lips were on yours.
You melted into the kiss with a sigh, and Joshua wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. A soft whine slipped out as he deepened the kiss, and he pulled away just enough to look you in the eyes and say, “You need to be quiet, sweetheart. Don’t want anyone to hear us doing this, do we? Especially here of all places.” You shook your head, and he answered, “That’s what I thought.”
“Wait, are we-”
“Only if you want to.”
A million thoughts ran through your mind, but only two words came out of your mouth. “Why here?”
“Because I need you,” he answered, his voice laced with desperation.
“Won’t we get in trouble if we get caught?” you asked.
“Oh, definitely. But that just means that we need to try not to get caught.”
It would have been a lie to say that you weren’t nervous about the situation you’d found yourself in, but it also would have been a lie to say that you weren’t incredibly excited and turned on. Since meeting Joshua, you’d had all kinds of new experiences, and in your mind, this was just another opportunity to try something new with the man you loved.
“Baby, are you ok? Do you not want-”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure? You seemed hesitant.”
“I’m a little nervous about it if I'm being honest, but if you think that it'll be ok, I trust you.”
“That’s my good girl.”
"All yours," you mumbled.
"Say it louder, sweetpea."
"I'm all yours," you said, this time with more conviction.
"Very good. Now, are you gonna keep being a good girl for me and take my cock?”
You nodded, and Joshua lifted your skirt and pulled your panties down. When you felt his tip brush against you, a soft whine slipped out of your mouth, and you heard him chuckle to himself.
"What did I say about being quiet, dove?"
"'m sorry, it just feels so good."
“I know, my darling, but we don’t wanna get caught, right?” he asked. You shook your head, and he added, “That’s what I thought.”
With a soft groan, Joshua slowly entered you. Sure, it wasn’t exactly your first time anymore, but you still found yourself struggling to adjust to the sensation of his cock inside you. Once you were ready, however, he started to move, and you swore you could see stars.
You had no idea if it was the excitement of potentially getting caught, how hard Joshua fucked you, or some combination of the two, but regardless, it was more difficult to stay quiet than you expected. So difficult, in fact, that your lover put his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that slipped out no matter how hard you tried.
“What did I tell you, dove?” Joshua asked. “It’s important to be quiet. Unless you want to get caught?” Something about the condescending tone in his voice turned you on more than you expected, and when you clenched around him, he laughed and asked, “Really, angel? You want someone to see us, don’t you?”
You wanted to shake your head or try to say something to indicate that you were trying to listen to what he said. But deep down, you knew that you didn’t care if someone opened that closet to see what the two of you were doing. The only things you cared about in the moment were Joshua’s cock inside you and the orgasm that hit you before you even realized you were close.
Seconds after you came down from your high, you felt Joshua come inside of you, holding you tight as he rode out his high. Then, once you both calmed down, Joshua carefully pulled out of you and helped you get dressed again. After putting his own clothes back on, he asked, “How about we actually grab those plates now?”
After you found the plates, you went back to the picnic almost like nothing happened. There was one minor difference, however. Every time you noticed Jihoon staring at you and Joshua, you couldn’t help but feel smug, because you knew he could see how beautiful you felt now that you were with someone that loved you with no expectations.
Before you knew it, it was almost your one-year anniversary, and you could hardly contain your excitement. You'd spent weeks searching for the perfect gift for Joshua, but with each shopping trip, you worried more and more that you wouldn't find anything to accurately show him how much you loved him.
However, you got luckier than you expected at your local craft store. You had about 2 weeks left until your anniversary, and you were getting desperate. But after aimlessly wandering through the store for what felt like hours, you noticed a skein of yarn that was baby blue, his favorite color, right next to a display of cross-shaped beads, and inspiration struck.
When you got home, you grabbed your crochet hook and searched for patterns for a book sleeve online. Once you found one that you were happy with, you got to work making a sleeve for Joshua’s favorite Bible. It took multiple tries (and even more attempts at measuring the book when Joshua wasn’t looking) to get the size just right, but in the end, you were satisfied with the results. You'd spent days assembling the book sleeve and adding small decorations that you knew he’d like, such as a beaded cross on the front, and you were proud of yourself for finishing the project in time.
The morning of your anniversary, you called Joshua and invited him over before going through your favorite cookbook to look for a recipe to cook for dinner. Typically, you wouldn’t have put so much effort into dinner, but you thought your anniversary was a fitting day to put the extra effort in.
You started dinner about an hour before Joshua was set to arrive, daydreaming about what you wanted the future to look like while you waited to properly celebrate a year with the man you loved.
Right on time, Joshua knocked on the door, and when you opened it, you pulled him into your dining room and said, "Sit down. Dinner is almost ready."
"You didn't have to cook for me, baby."
"I know. I wanted to because it's a special occasion. I love you."
“Well, I appreciate it. I love you, sweetpea.”
The familiar pet name sent butterflies to your stomach, which made finishing dinner difficult, but you got there in the end. When it was done, you fixed two plates and brought them to the dining room table with a smile.
When you put Joshua’s plate in front of him, he said, “Thank you. This looks incredible.”
“Thank you, my love,” you said, feeling giddy as you set your own plate down. Before you actually started to eat, though, you looked up at Joshua and asked, “Actually, before we eat, can I give you your gift?"
"Yeah, of course.”
With that, you grabbed the bag that you’d left under the table and handed it to Joshua. When he opened it and looked at what was inside, he looked back at you and asked, “What is it?”
“It’s a protective sleeve for your Bible. I remembered what you said about how you wish you didn’t have to be so careful to keep it from getting dirty.”
With a soft smile, he said, “Thank you,” and gently placed the bag next to his chair. With that, the two of you ate dinner in almost complete silence, focused more on enjoying each other’s company than coming up with something interesting to say.
At the end of the meal, however, Joshua looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes and said, “I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?”
Joshua didn’t respond to your question verbally at first, but he didn’t need to. You knew exactly what was happening when he stood from his chair and pulled a small box out of his pocket. With a soft smile and shaky hands, he looked up at you and said, “My darling, I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person before. Every minute with you has been a rollercoaster of new emotions and experiences, and while to many it may look like it’s too soon to say for sure, I’ve never been more certain of anything than I am that I never want to get off the ride. Will you marry me?”
You nodded in response, not trusting your ability to speak without crying as Joshua stood from his place on the floor and placed the ring on your finger. You admired the ring as the diamond sparkled in the light of your dining room, and Joshua looked at you with an excited grin on his face as he asked, “Does that mean you like it?”
“I love it, and I love you.”
“I love you too, angel. I always will.”
Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you with a passion that almost knocked you off your feet, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You lost yourself in the way his lips felt on yours shockingly quickly, so distracted that you almost didn’t notice his hand slowly making its way to your ass. What finally snapped you out of it was his hand squeezing gently, which caused a soft moan to tumble from your lips.
With a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes, he pulled away and said, “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“Maybe then you’ll finally keep that promise you made the first time we had sex,” you answered with a laugh.
“What promise?” he asked. You gave him a knowing smile, and that was when he remembered everything. With a shy laugh of his own, he said, “Maybe I will.”
“You’d better.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Total Word Count: 4,127 (shortest scene is 166 words, longest scene is 330 words)
Genre: Fluff, angst, smut
AU: Non idol AU
Tropes: Strangers to FWB, lovers to strangers, first dates, brother's best friend, friends to FWB
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Swearing, alcohol use, sexual content (unprotected sex, mentioned oral), self destructive behavior, body image issues in Taeyong’s scene, reader feels pretty inadequate throughout the fic, objectification in Jaehyun’s drabble if you squint, Chenle gets a little misogynistic, Jeno is a dick that’s obsessed with working out, no happy ending
Summary: Snippets of a life spent craving connection while also running from it.
A/N: After multiple failed attempts at coming off of hiatus, I'm finally back! I'm really excited for you guys to read this one, because I haven't really tried anything like it before. I'd love to hear feedback!
This one was heavily inspired by the song "Unloved" by Lisa Cimorelli and my own self destructive tendencies in relationships.
And, last but certainly not least, I wanna thank @xomakara, @effervescentorbs, @raysramblings, @themoonlightfae, @spacequokka, and @nothoughtsjustfic for helping me brainstorm and listening to me talk about this story while I got ready to come back. I love you guys!
Taglist: @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @notyourjaem, @shadowkoo, @1-800-jewon
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
Nakamoto Yuta
The Friend that You Call when You Just Wanna Have a Good Time
It all started when your phone vibrated, your phone flashing with a notification for a text from Yuta.
Yuta: You awake?
You: Yeah. Why?
Yuta: I found a new bar a few towns over. You wanna go?
You: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Remember what happened last time?
Yuta: Nope. That’s precisely why I’m asking. I’m bored and want somebody to get in trouble with.
You: Fuck it. Let’s go.
Just like every other time you went out, Yuta picked you up after your roommates went to sleep for the night and drove you to the site of your latest adventure. The bar that your friend dragged you to this time was smaller than the ones you typically went to, but you didn’t necessarily mind that. After all, you weren’t there to socialize. You were there to drink until you could barely remember your own name in an attempt to numb the pain. Sure, you would barely remember what happened the next day, if you remembered anything at all, but maybe that was for the best, considering the things you liked to do when you were drunk and hurting.
Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul
The Fuck Buddy that Says He Loves You because You Let Him Do Whatever He Wants
“I fucking love you,” Ten said with a loud groan as he pounded into you. You were certain that he didn’t mean it when he said it, despite how many times he insisted he did, but you honestly couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Not when he fucked you hard enough that every ounce of pain that filled your heart was replaced by pure desire with every thrust. Sure, you knew that it was a temporary relief, a band-aid over the bullet holes that destroyed your sense of self and left you relying on empty distractions to get by, but you’d always thought that temporary relief was better than none at all.
Soft whimpers and moans fell from your lips as Ten continued to fuck you, and you held onto him for dear life. After all, you knew he wouldn’t stay after he was done. He did sometimes, mumbling soft promises that he wanted more than sex, but more often than not, he was gone as soon as the aftercare was done. You really didn’t know what was going to happen, so you were determined to keep him close for as long as you possibly could. Anything to feel something other than pain for once.
Lee Donghyuck
The Player that Thinks You'll be the One to Fix Him
Of course, you knew when you went home with Donghyuck that he only wanted sex from you. Did you care, though? No, you didn't. At least, not at first. You were just like him, looking for a good time and a little bit of attention with no real commitment. And for a while, that was exactly what you got.
Then, about a month after you started sleeping together, he started trying harder to keep a conversation going before he left for the night. As he helped you clean up, he asked you about your day, your dreams, and the things that made you happy. You really tried to dodge the questions, not wanting anything beyond a surface level connection, but he kept pushing.
"Seriously, what do you want more than anything?" he asked, looking at you differently than usual.
"I don't know," you answered once again. "Why do you even care anyway? I thought we were just fuck buddies."
"Well, I changed my mind about some things."
There was a moment of silence before you cautiously asked, "What things?"
"You," he answered, staring at you like you were the center of his world. You were silent in response, just shifting nervously in your spot, so he continued, "I wanna be more than just your fuck buddy. I don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel like I could be something better, and I like it."
"Yeah, sorry, but this isn't gonna work."
"What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely surprised by your reaction.
"You're not gonna use me to be a better person. That's not what this is."
"I'm not-"
"Get out."
Donghyuck stormed out of your apartment after that, and you collapsed into your bed and sobbed, asking yourself why you couldn't find someone that actually listened and respected you.
Lee Taeyong
The Pretty Boy that Makes You Wish You Were Beautiful
The first thing that people said about Taeyong when they saw him was that he was gorgeous. His eyes seemed to sparkle when he laughed. His voice was sweeter than even your favorite love song, the one that hadn’t been soured by years of feeling like love was too far out of your reach. His smile was like a personal ray of sunshine, always making the world around him a better place.
That was why it baffled you that Taeyong was willing to even be seen with you. You felt like you were everything that he wasn’t, and every day you wondered what made you so special. The fact that someone like him, the man that looked like Aphrodite herself crafted his smile, wanted someone like you, the person that couldn’t look in the mirror too long for fear of being driven insane by self-hatred, made no sense in your mind.
Maybe the differences that you saw between the two of you were why you walked away after a measly three dates. Why you told Taeyong that you didn’t want to see him anymore. As you told him that you didn’t think that the two of you were a good match, you considered telling him that it was nothing personal. That you just couldn’t ever see yourself measuring up to what he deserved.
Did you, though? Of course not. Instead, you gave a half-hearted explanation about incompatibility, which he could tell was a lie. He didn’t exactly try to stop you though, and you appreciated that. After all, if he did, you knew you’d break and tell him everything. And you couldn’t stand the idea of him seeing that you were just as weak as you were ugly.
Wong Kunhang
The Lovable Idiot You Only See Once
You could hardly believe how truly happy you felt when you met Kunhang at a party. He was funny, telling jokes that sounded ridiculous but never failed to make you laugh, and he was attentive, his focus never leaving you the entire time you were on the dance floor. In all honesty, it was strange. Was this the connection that you were so desperate for? Did you finally meet someone that could make you feel just a little bit less alone?
You never got to find out the answer to your question, since you heard someone call Kunhang’s name as you walked to the bar together. You tried to ask him for his number before he left, but before you could get the words out, he was lost in the crowd.
You wanted to be upset that you’d had another failed date, but in the end, you just couldn’t find it in you. Even though you were alone yet again, you still had fun with Kunhang, and you still had a silent hope in the back of your mind that one day you’d run into him again.
Kim Dongyoung
The Lover that You Want but Won't Allow Yourself to Have
Dongyoung was the one person that you hooked up with that you actually wanted a deeper connection with. The problem with that was that something felt off in a way that you couldn’t quite explain. You had no idea whether something really was off about him or if it was just your brain convincing you that you were unlovable again, though. Regardless, you still chose to keep your distance, refusing to let him get any closer than what was required for him to fuck you.
You knew that it was counterproductive to push Dongyoung away when he clearly liked you and wanted to get to know you better, but you couldn’t seem to stop yourself. That didn’t mean that you stopped yourself from hooking up with him, though. After all, he was pretty fucking good in bed, and whenever you were with him, you felt loved in a way that you just didn’t most of the time. And that made the uncertainty and confusion over what you wanted worth it.
Huang Renjun
The One-Time Lover that Sees Right Through You
After you and Renjun were dressed again, he gave you a knowing look and asked, “So, does this mean that you’re gonna leave now?”
You were surprised by his straightforwardness, but you still managed to say, “I mean, yeah. If that’s ok with you?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s fine. I figured you would, honestly.”
Surprised and offended by his completely correct assumption, you asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ve hooked up with girls like you before,” he answered matter-of-factly.
“Girls like me?”
“I could tell exactly what you were doing from the second you walked into that bar and started looking at every man that gave you the slightest bit of attention like they hung the moon.”
“Oh really? What exactly was I doing?” you asked, frustrated by the almost-stranger that acted like he knew you better than you did.
“You go out to bars and hook up with people you barely know because you’re alone and can’t handle it. But every time somebody starts to get close, you push them away because you think you’re not worth loving, no matter how much you crave that feeling of loving someone and being loved back. Sound about right?”
“I-”
“Look, I’m not trying to judge. Just wanted you to know that I understand.”
His ability to read you like a children’s book stunned you into silence. With a defeated sigh, you sat back down on his bed and started to cry, suddenly overwhelmed by the complicated feelings floating around your head.
Renjun softened immediately when you started to cry, pulling you close and mumbling soft reassurances and apologies while you tried desperately to regain your composure. Eventually, you did, but even after you’d stopped crying, he begged you to stay the night, too worried about your wellbeing to feel comfortable with you leaving. You agreed, but you also swore to yourself you’d never sleep with Renjun again, no matter how much you loved the feeling of finally being understood.
Jeong Yunoh
The Friend that Thinks He Wants to be More
Every time you saw Jaehyun, he made a point to tell you just how beautiful you were and how happy he was to see you. Normally, you’d appreciate the compliment from your friend, since he was known in your friend group as the “king of cheering people up.” However, the almost seductive tone in his voice and the way he fidgeted whenever the two of you made eye contact made it clear to you that his intentions weren’t exactly platonic.
The problem with that was that you only saw Jaehyun as a friend, and you were certain that if he actually took the time to try and get to know you instead of just staring at you whenever you wore a skimpy outfit, he’d feel the same. But you knew that if you tried to tell him that, he wouldn’t listen, so you decided to just accept the compliments. After all, it was nice to feel wanted sometimes, even if you knew that it wasn't real.
Zhong Chenle
The Coworker that Thinks He Knows Better than You Do
You really tried to tune out your coworkers arguing, especially because you felt the argument was completely inappropriate for the office, but it was difficult with their loud volume and condescending tones.
“I’m telling you,” Chenle said from his cubicle. “Women like that don’t care about anything or anyone.”
“What do you mean by ‘women like that?’” you asked, butting into the conversation because you were sick of the bickering.
“The ones that go out to a different club every night to hook up with whatever poor sap is too distracted by how they look to think properly,” Chenle answered, uncharacteristically venomous.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” Minhyung chimed in.
“No, I don’t,” Chenle said before turning back to his desk, signaling that he was done discussing it, even though he was the one that started the conversation by ranting about “women of today.”
You knew that you weren’t the only one tired of listening to Chenle’s rants at work, so you decided to take the logical next step and reported him to HR. Once you left for the day, though, you felt unbelievably drained. Sure, you knew that what he said wasn’t about you specifically, but it still bothered you. You wondered if it was because you knew that you were doing exactly what he was describing, but there was more to it than that. After all, it just showed how little he knew about the world and the people in it.
Na Jaemin
The Boy Next Door that Only Cares on the Surface
When you got back to your apartment building after work, you literally bumped into your neighbor, Jaemin. You tripped on one of the stairs and fell into him, and when he caught you, he asked, “Woah, you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, collecting yourself. “How are you doing, Jaem?”
“Great, actually,” he answered, completely oblivious to the fact that you were trying to get around him to get to your apartment. As he talked about his work and relationships, you tried to pay attention, but your mind frequently wandered to the cleaning that would need to be done once you actually got into your apartment.
After Jaemin finished talking, he moved around you and walked down the stairs, not even bothering to say goodbye. Part of you was relieved, just wanting to get home, but the other part of you was a little hurt that he couldn’t be bothered. In the end, though, you tried to tell yourself that you didn’t actually care about how alone you felt when no one even had the time for small talk.
Park Jisung
The Brother's Best Friend that Promises Not to Tell
When Taehyun told you that Jisung would be picking you up from the bar at the end of the night instead of him, you were far from thrilled. You loved your brother dearly, but you’d always hated his friends, particularly Jisung. He had the kind of arrogance that got under your skin like very little else could, he constantly spoke down to you and treated you like a dumb little kid, despite your closeness in age, and he was insanely gorgeous. Of course, the fact that he was one of the most attractive men you’d ever seen wasn’t why you hated him, but it did make being around him more frustrating than it had any right to be.
Still, even though you hadn't had anything to drink that night, you hated driving, so you were grateful that Jisung agreed to pick you up. So grateful, in fact, that you decided to set aside your frustrations for the night. You even repaid his kindness by taking him home and giving him “the best blowjob he’d ever had,” as he described it once you were done. After helping him clean up, you smiled and said, “Thanks again.”
“No problem. I’m always happy to help a friend out.”
There was a moment of silence before you asked, “You’re not gonna tell Taehyun about this, right?”
“Of course, not. I’m not that kind of person.”
You breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Ok, thanks,” before leaning in to kiss him again.
Xiao Dejun
The Lover that Should Be Perfect for You
Every moment with Dejun should have been magical. He treated you like a princess every time the two of you went out together, never leaving your side unless you needed something or explicitly asked him for space. Not that you ever asked for space much, though. He also made a conscious effort to listen when you spoke to him, taking in the details of every story you told like they were the only thing keeping him alive. He loved you, and that was plain for anyone with eyes to see.
So why did you feel so empty when you were with him? Why did every moment feel more like checking boxes and maintaining a routine than spending time with someone that you cared about? You had no idea, but you did know that there had to be something wrong with you, since everything about Dejun radiated love and warmth. The exact opposite of your heart that had frozen over because of years of pain and heartbreak.
Maybe that was why you ran, to avoid freezing his heart too.
Lee Jeno
The Gym Rat that Makes You Feel Like You'll Never Be Enough
Unlike your other potential lovers, you didn’t meet Jeno at a club or bar. Instead, you met him at the gym during yet another failed attempt at getting your life together. He’d been using the treadmill next to yours, and when you both finished up, you exchanged numbers. You tried not to think about it, but a small part of you was hopeful as you walked away with promises of a date.
When you finally went out with him, though, it was a disaster. You tried to suggest dinner at a restaurant, but he declined. When you asked him why, he said that none of the places in town that weren’t “mass produced garbage,” in his words, had any healthy options that were actually good. You wanted to tell him that you thought he was wrong, but you held your tongue while the feeling of inadequacy threatened to follow you whole.
Instead, Jeno suggested going back to the gym to “work off the day.” You were exhausted from work, though, so you tried to suggest something that required less energy so that the two of you could just chill and get to know each other. His response to that was, “I’m not gonna sit on my ass just because you can’t keep up.”
Needless to say, you never went on that date, and the hope that you’d felt when you first met him was squashed like a bug that didn’t make it across the sidewalk in time.
Dong Sicheng
The One-Time Lover that Thinks He Understands
“I know why you’re doing this,” Sicheng had said as you gathered your things to go home after your first night together.
“Oh really?” you asked, trying to sound playful instead of worried. “Why am I doing this, then?”
“You think I don’t wanna see you again.”
There was a beat of silence before you asked, “What?”
“Oh come on, it’s obvious,” he said. “I saw the way you looked at me before you grabbed your bag.”
“That’s not-”
“It’s ok. I’m not offended. But, for the record, I would totally be down to see you again.”
“Thanks, but I think I’m good,” you said as you finally walked toward the door.
Once you left Sicheng’s apartment, you breathed a sigh of relief. When he’d told you that he knew why you behaved the way you did, you expected him to analyze you the way Renjun had, leaving you stripped bare in a way that felt vulnerable instead of exciting. But in the end, it was nothing more than an assumption that you wanted something from him that you hadn’t allowed yourself to want from anyone in a long time.
Maybe he was right in thinking that deep down, you did want more of a connection with him, but you never let yourself see him again to find out. After all, even misplaced attempts at vulnerability could be painful.
Kim Jungwoo
The Friend-of-a-Friend that Just Wants to be Close to You
Technically, you’d known Jungwoo for about three years through mutual friends. but you weren’t sure that you considered him a friend, too. After all, he’d barely spoken to you beyond basic greetings at group events, and you knew next to nothing about him.
Maybe that was why it was such a surprise when he walked up to you at Shotaro’s birthday party, threw his arms around you, and said, “Hey! I missed you. How have you been?”
You stiffened at the contact but still said, “Fine. How are you?”
“I’m good! Just wanted to catch up a bit because it’s been a while.”
“Jungwoo, we saw each other three days ago.”
“So? I can’t ask how you’re doing?”
“I mean you can, but it feels a little weird. We’re not friends, so I don’t understand why you’re pretending we are.”
Jungwoo deflated at your comment and walked away. He was immediately replaced by Shotaro, who asked, “What the hell?”
“I’m sorry! I was caught off guard!”
“You didn’t have to be such an asshole about it! He just wanted to get closer to you.”
“Well closeness is a gradual process. You don’t act like someone’s your best friend right out of the gate.”
Shotaro sighed and said, “Look, just be patient. Please. And try to talk to him. He wants to be friends, but doesn’t know how to reach out.”
As Shotaro walked away, you considered what he said. He was right, now that you were really thinking about it, and you started to feel guilty. Jungwoo had never done anything with malicious intent, so you decided to find him and ask for his number. After all, the process of getting closer had to start somewhere.
Liu Yangyang
The Party Boy that Pretends He's Never Felt Your Pain
You walked into Yangyang’s living room with Seulgi and Joohyun trailing behind you, and it didn’t take long for the prolific party host to catch your eye. After all, he had the kind of confidence that looked like it came easily, weaving through the crowd of guests like he was walking around puddles on the sidewalk. As you watched him, you found yourself envying his easygoing nature.
When Yangyang finally made his way to where you stood chatting with your friends, however, all it took was one look in his eyes for you to know that he was in the same boat as you. Sure, he did a good job of hiding his hurt from a distance, but actually seeing him face to face meant that you could see the hint of pain in his eyes and the small nervous habits that you’d caught yourself in hundreds of times.
When he actually introduced himself to you after speaking with Seulgi and Joohyun, though, it was like a switch flipped. He was all smiles as he pulled you into a hug and said, “Hi! Seulgi told me that she was bringing some friends. What’s your name again?”
You introduced yourself with a hesitant smile of your own and replied, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said.
The two of you continued to talk much longer than you expected, but you didn’t mind. It was nice to distract yourself from the pain for a night. And if you were right about the way Yangyang acted, he probably needed the distraction too, no matter how badly he wanted to pretend that he didn’t.
Qian Kun
The Well-Meaning Friend Whose Methods are All Wrong
“You can’t honestly tell me that you think this is healthy,” Kun spat.
“I never said it was healthy,” you countered. “I said it’s effective. There’s a difference, you prick.”
“There doesn’t have to be, you fucking dumbass.”
“In my experience, there does.”
“You’re never gonna listen to me, are you?” he asked, quickly losing patience with your insistence on self-destruction.
“Why should I? We both know you do the same shit that I do. At least I have the balls to admit it.”
“Do you really think that?” he asked. You were silent in response, so he added, “Whatever. I’m leaving. Good luck.”
With that, Kun walked out of your apartment, leaving you alone with your thoughts once again. You knew that he was just looking out for you, but you hated his condescending attitude. Especially considering the fact that he had his own less-than-healthy coping mechanisms that he leaned on a bit too much when the weight of his past felt like it was going to crush him. Still, you knew that he was right, so you decided to call him in the morning and apologize. But until morning came, you’d curl up in a ball on your bed and sob as you thought about what your life had become.
Johnny Suh
The Potential Lover that You Know You Could Never Have
Sometimes, running into Johnny at the bar made you want to cry. Not because he’d ever done anything to hurt you, or because you missed some prior connection, but because you knew that he could never want you the same way that you wanted him. After all, he looked like he was sculpted by the gods themselves, his voice sounded sweeter than even your favorite song, and the way that he carried himself made it clear that he knew just how attractive he really was. What reason could he possibly have to want anything more than a quick fuck from someone like you?
You couldn’t think of one, really. So, you kept your distance, at least emotionally. Sure, you still hooked up with him from time to time, but that was where your relationship with him stopped, no matter how badly you wanted more. Of course, sometimes he’d ask you why you never stayed the night after the two of you had sex, but you were a master of excuses by the time that started. You had to be to keep him from figuring out that you were slowly falling in love with him.
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╰┈➤ Summary: Chan needed to figure this out and he wasn't sure if you were ready to find out. So he sent you back to the surface with some of the others to keep watch over you, making sure you were okay and no more angels got to you before they could. And who was lying to take away their promised one before they decided to create more havoc and laugh about it.
╰┈➤ Ratings: 18+, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.
╰┈➤ Parts: teaser , 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06
Watching Y/N slowly limp around. Their hair growing longer somehow, but their voice sounded like he as in pain. Chan had to try and stay still. Hyunjin pulling his pants up while holding out his hands with his dark blue flames. Lee Know kept his steady while looking at the floor. Just watching them trying to come back but also looking lost. The burns were healing, but also coming back. It was like watching him trying to split from himself but also stay glued together. Chan didn't say much, he just stayed focused while making sure they weren't missing anything. The Fire was getting darker, but there was a light hue surrounding it. Furrowing his brows and trying to keep his hands steady, he knew if he messed this up somehow the impact would knocked them all out, or at least have them on the floor actually feeling weak in their own home, something they try to make sure no one could ever see.
"Hyung, this seems too strong for that. It's being absorbed, it's going to blow back. All three flames are being absorbed into him and we need to get ready for a blow back."
Chan could only make an angry face while grabbing the two of them. Using his black feathered wings to shield them from the white flames, and the dark blue and black flames circling around. The windows shattered from impact, the garden being shaken and the torture chambers could even feel them. Just feeling the shaking while hearing the loud screaming before Y/N just laid there. Chan's wings slightly glowed, but they burned slightly as well, letting his wings slowly move back so they could check on Y/N. They stayed still, laying there and seemed to be stable. Their eyes slowly going back to normal while slowly closing, their chest rise and fell like they were sleeping. Chan walked over slowly, Lee know behind him carefully and Hyunjin swaying his tail as he slowly got closer. Felix ran up the stairs, nearly flying through the hall and opened the door. Despite the door slamming open, they were still asleep while the windows slowly closed back. The glass shards flying back up in place, like nothing even happened.
"What the hell was that?!"
He ran over, making sure Y/N was actually asleep, watching their hair shrink back to normal while they curled up to sleep on the floor. everyone slowly relaxed but it was still worrying. Chan looked more concerned, even though his face didn't say much, his face stayed neutral, but the look in his eyes. This wasn't just a normal human they turned into a demon, this was something else. Have they always had their angel side and no one knew about it? given how they acted before there was no way they knew, but there was something else they had to know, but this also made him curious. Hyunjin still looked worried, he was still hungry, but he was happy to see that Y/N was still okay. At least from what they can tell and see for now. But Felix was still more worried about everything since he could see the slowly fading marks on hyunjin's body, so he knew that there was something else that happened and no one was telling him the answer.
So he asked again when he knew everyone was listening more, bringing them back to reality while Hyunjin let out a soft sigh before explaining everything. Soobin attacking, the sudden fire, his words, the shock and reaction. The threat of Angels getting involved. Chan was there, he heard those words, and everything was slowly coming into place. but even then, he seemed to be acting alone so it was clear that Soobin was trying to hide something or was trying to keep things hidden for someone else to take their husband and go back to heaven. Which would make no sense for them but there was hardly ever any sense when Chan really thought about it. So he knew that he needed to start his own research, before the others but he also knew that there was no way for any of them to know until that day.
Felix could only nod his head, he kept checking Y/N's head to see if he could feel anything. But he felt nothing, just Y/N being confused but trying to understand whatever was going on. Maybe a bath in the hot springs can help. listening to the sounds of screams to become background noises.
"They can't be down here for much longer. Their body might need a reset. Felix and Hyunjin can take them home, if anyone wants to go with them they can, just be careful please. No chaos, I don't know if any angels are going to be watching closely."
"I'll bring Changbin with us, maybe I.N. too just to have an extra pair of eyes."
Chan only nodded towards Felix words. But he was going to stay, along with the others, Lee know knew something was going to be planned, something would work in his favor. Trying to get closer felt almost impossible. But he knew things were doing to only get more chaotic until they could get better. Would they get better? And if they could then for how long? But Lee know stayed quiet and waited till everyone was gone, or at least those who wanted to go. Taking what they could and they can handle and figure out the rest when they get there. They just need to take things slow and steady and keep an eye out, leave when they can and avoid causing fights unless pushed. Something Changbin always wishes could happen and he can fight the way he wants to.
"We'll report back when Y/N goes to sleep or we're all back inside, don't stay up working for too long, that'll make you more paranoid."
Chan only raised a brow slightly, his way of saying he hears them and will keep their words in mind, now will he listen to those words? Depends on how close he is and where he can go with it. He stayed there and watched Felix, Hyunjin, Changbin, and I.N. all leave with Y/N, vanishing since leaving through the long way was their least favorite part. And Y/N didn't have a bathtub full of blood in his home and wasn't ready for that step yet, so vanishing and appearing seemed to be one of the best options for now. Something that everyone knew Chan always did because he got to smirk seeing their confused face while trying to get up with that metallic taste. He watched them leave, his hands staying behind his back while he waited till he knew there was no coming back. He walked out of the room, slightly destroyed still but the windows were still fixed, but the floor still had the fresh prints. He didn't go to his room, he made sure to only have things that relax him in there, right now he needed to go downstairs.
His foots echoed through the empty hallways while he just stared straight ahead. But hiding behind the pillars keeping the ceiling up high, two demons were following him because they could sense something. Although the sin of wrath seemed to be the leading one, he smelled the anger slowly growing but he kept walking behind him silently. The doors opened but he didn't bother to close them while he twirled his hand around. lighting up the torches and fire to light up the entire room. papers were stacked and laid across every desk he had in there with markers while he sat there just trying to put things together. He wanted to know why, every time they were given someone suddenly an angel suddenly had an issue with it. Most were detailed notes when he's noticed something, sometimes it's about his own members despite knowing they couldn't keep much from him. But right now he was looking back at his notes on Soobin. Slowly Sitting in his chair, his tail curling around his right leg out of a focused habit as he slowly opened the binder. Reading all the old notes from when he first fell and the taunts he would hear, to every bride he took in while slowly collecting other sings to rule hell and bring some kind of order to the chaos under.
He still had papers to write, he new his pen was waiting for him right in front of him, he just wanted to write and make sure he wasn't fully losing his mind and he had things under control. he looked up to grab it, only to see Seungmin standing there, trying not to lean on the papers stuck to the wall but also knowing better then to touch his pen. But he was staring like he was curious, hungry but curious. Something Chan knew was dangerous if he really got to find it, but he knew Seungmin wouldn't try to pull it out fully. That would only end badly for the both of them, mainly him and Chan didn't like using force on them, not when he knows he can handle and control it. But that didn't make it any more surprising to see both him and Lee know just standing there, though lee know was more calculating then nosy. but he didn't want to leave Seungmin alone. Though they knew they shouldn't exactly be back here.
"What are you two doing in here."
"You smell pissed off, I got curious since everyone was huddling around Y/N like he broke something, but I got there too late and I know Lee know-hyung isn't exactly going to tell me why."
He had that same smile, it wasn't fully big yet, but it was almost there. He was enjoying this because he got to smell it, but he was always nosy. What happened up there that he missed? he just got back from watching a torture session and suddenly this is what he misses? Something that would've been better, but he knew there was something behind it, or rather someone and Chan didn't want to tell him it yet so he was just trying to figure out what was happening before he got to tell anyone else that information. yet he stood there just watching Chan set the binder on the desk and start to write carefully, not looking up while his pen begun to move with careful strokes.
"Soobin attacked y/N and Hyunjin technically yesterday. But it triggered something inside of him. He managed to hurt Soobin from what I heard from hyunjin, but when they got back here because hyunjin needed to, they lost control of something a human shouldn't have to worry about. And I'm pretty sure this means Soobin is planning something again, although what and why I don't have the answers to either of those."
"He doesn't like leaving you alone it seems. If heaven is so great according to him, why is he down here messing with us? Doesn't that get him in trouble if he gets caught doing it?"
Lee know only watched the two of them. watching Chan stay focused as his pen moved faster, the words remaining clear on the paper while he flipped from back and forth. Making sure to add his own thoughts and questions that maybe he could answer on different pages but they always lead to the same question everyone had. Why was Soobin going out of his way to mess with them thinking he would be free from the consequences that followed? Any flaws or sins would have him falling and as far as anyone knew, there was no going back to heaven if you fell from the gates. you were left to either become fallen and fade away, or you became a demon after being tortured for what felt like decades with no end unless you could prove yourself useful to a sin. If they didn't need you, thatch where you stayed until there was nothing left to break from you. And in this case it would either be very easy to break him, or very fun to watch him stand firm while every little thing about him broke till his old self was nothing more then a memory.
"I'd like to add something of a thought to this, if that's okay."
"I'm not stopping you from speaking your mind, what would that gain here."
Slowly shifting his weight to stand up, he watched Chan look over quickly before looking back down at the papers. Despite watching Lee know steady himself while Seungmin kept to the side, but he was only slightly closer to him. Leaning in as if he was hearing a whispered secret and he wanted to make sure that he was getting every detail before pulling away.
"I think Soobin is taking all of pour brides to see if he can have one himself. Knowing if he finds the right one, he might be seen as a savior. But the only way for that to happen is if a human falls for him and he's been hiding his grace so the angels can't track for certain periods or find him. Which would explain why he fled when he got hurt, if him attacking hyunjin and Y/N was an order, there would be more to ensure Y./n got away, didn't remember anything and he got to handle hyunjin himself. it would explain why he only comes for the ones we pick. We all agree there's something special about one of them, and he wants to know why and if he can take it. I think after that attack he'll only get more curious and try to get closer. But he'll have to be creative since Y/N knows what he looks and sounds like. And we're always around and can tell when somethings off."
He watched Chan stop writing, just slowly looking over too Lee know like he just solved a puzzle within 30 minutes without any help. But he had an point, this happened every five years they all agreed to pick one, it was safer this way. Someone who could be turned into a demon, no one fighting over anyone, risking someone running away or acting like they know better. It was something they all came up with to stop the endless search and watch it all play out, though it took them a while to come up with rules and times for everyone so no one would feel jealous and try to steal one from each other. it always took a while, but they were able to figure it out and continue on with what they were doing. but there was something special about all of them, and clearly with who they have here. This was something soobin would want to find and see what he could do with it. but that begged another question, why not just look for his own? Why not find an angel who could be arranged to not sin? If he wanted someone, why not just talk?
It made Chan lean back in his Chair while seungmin gave his fake thinking gesture. his hand on his chin with his eyebrows lifted like he was trying to form another thought to ad done, but really he just wanted to hear lee know add more to the conversation. And he almost always had something to add on one way or another.
"I think that's why he always shows up despite us being behind and the angels probably getting worried about the timeline because this would be the last before the clock reset, another wave of death and angels having to guide souls. He wants to see what he's missing that makes all of us agree on one person. Clearly hyunjin picked a good one without knowing, which is our right to and he can't stand it because y/n might've been exactly who he's been looking for. But he would've had more trouble keeping them as an angel because he would have to change them while still trying to keep things interesting, and he'd fail unless he was hanging onto the last hope."
"So what your saying is he's experiencing envy, but that he also found a way to hide it from the watchful eyes and he's basically running an experiment till he finds the perfect result. But doesn't that just make it harder from him? He'd have to show y/n why heaven would be worth it. And with the amount of rules, restrictions, and being watched, he'd fall every time and there would be nothing he could do about it."
"Unless he finds a way to make them forget us and plan false memories for it to seem like the best option. But it's clear that whatever protected and well, fought y/n for control he'd have a hard time because it's clear there's no controlling it. He'd have to fight control over that and there's no telling if he'd like who'd he get after that, and he's chasing that. He might not want them., but the thrill of having something not in his control. And if he can show it to the others, they'd see him as guiding a devil to the light, and he'd be held to a higher regard."
Tapping his pen, Chan pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. watching how even Seungmin looked surprised but the wheels were slowly turning to make sense. And it wasn't something either of them liked. Because this meant they needed to move up their plans to keep Y/n down here, but that would also make it harder, but would that also remove the experience they could always ear? What was the point of hiding when this could be the thing they needed to expose him to the others. It would make it harder for him to try and switch this around to tell the truth in a different light, which would basically be a lie with very little evidence.
But Lee know knew he wasn't far off, because what other reason could he possibly have messing with them so many times. But he knew that right now that Y/N was safe. Changbin was a heavy hitter that didn't bother with being considerate unless he needed to let one of the others know he was throwing someone that way and they needed to get out of the way unless they wanted to become one with the wall. But he know they were safe, he still had things to figure out and so far these were the only two who had an idea.
"When the others get back, don't tell them about this. Changbin will want to fight and get paranoid, I don't end him ready to lash out and accidentally break something. I need them calm until know for sure and that I have somewhat of a plan that's ready. "
Seungmin could only hum, since the anger was slowly fading away and becoming something he nor Lee know could eat. it was building back up to pride, and they knew it was their time to leave since most of the papers here still contained things about the others they had no idea he even had. He likes having labels on everything and everyone. Though it's getting to the point he will need to expand this, more shelves, all organized for each demon. he watched them leave and the door slowly closed behind them. Going back to his notebook, closing it since this wasn't the one he needed for his planning. He was careful with how he placed things away before grabbing the black leather notebook and sat back down. He needed to get to writing and he needed to make sure everything planned out. He wasn't taking any chances when it came to an angel that always seemed to be held in higher regards.
This was dangerous and they knew it. But they needed to walk around alone, they needed to thinking without knowing they were being watched and followed like a helpless animal needing a protector. They needed to walk around and sort their thoughts out alone with no one else putting thoughts in their head. There's something inside of them, something strong and now there's this angel after them? And for what, curiosity? Greed? Jealousy? Wanting something they can't have or haven't earned through actions? Something was off and nearly every answer felt like the wrong one.
"Something's going on, and it only started when he tried to kill me. But it's never been there before, I've known I've nearly died before, and this has never happened. So what could be different about it this time?"
Rethinking old, buried memories. Trying to find something t hey could've missed, anything that makes sense but just thinking of those thoughts were painful. Feeling stings they haven't felt in years and words they thought they could get over. Even remembering how they died and why they died in the first place didn't seem to help. Because something has always been missing even during those times, an answer no one could or would've given even with screams and cries for help, for answers that never came and reasons that sounded too fake to be true.
The walk seemed to stretch on for hours before Y/N finally came to a stop. Noticing there was no longer any background noise to stable most thoughts with something else to hear. No one talking, no cars driving by, there was just street lights and an empty road. It was unsettling, like there's a warning but there's no noise about said warning coming around. What could one even do about that? Just stand there and wait to hear something? There was no waiting around no matter who was near. So they looked around, slowly, wanting to make sure they didn't miss anything. Their ears seemingly opening up more just to hear the faintest sound because even a pin drop would sound loud. Loud enough to draw attention.
"You were given the others for a reason, walking away from them isn't exactly smart."
Looking up at one of the light poles. Chan was standing right there, his hands in his pockets, but his face still serious like stone. He looked down at Y/N, who just looked up at him confused with a slow blink of confusion. Wanting to say something but what was there to say? At Least not without coming off wrong, but it was clear something needed to be said here, but just what was it? Crossing their arms with a slight sway to their side. They stared at him like all their thoughts and questions just lined up instead of being scattered around like papers that were dropped out of order.
"I needed to think without noise or eyes on me, I'm not that helpless even if I can't use a weapon yet. Besides weren't you still down in hell thinking of something?"
He raised his eyebrow slightly, letting his tongue click before vanishing, only to appear right in front of them. On the ground still having to slightly look down, but the point was still there. He always looked down, if he had to look up at someone, they earned his respect, not because they were taller then him. His head tilted to the side like a curious cat watching their human do something they aren't sure about or when a new toy comes their way. his face stayed the same but his eyes showed thinking, calculating something. maybe his words, his actions or how he should say them.
"I'm always thinking but being the ruler of hell doesn't mean I get to stay there and think about thinks. I have to listen, to watch, and to maintain some form of order with my own demons. That now includes you. You're the queen in waiting and in training, it's our job, especially mine, to make sure you're still safe and learning accordingly."
"Then why did that angel try to stop it by killing me? Well, he went for hyunjin but still. If you have to maintain some form of order why was he there?'
Chan started to rock on his feet before slowly walking around in a circle, his head leaned back while he stared up at the night sky. Almost like he expected someone to look down at him just to come and answer the question, but no one would come, he made sure of that before getting here. At least before someone noticed something was wrong and they had to send someone down there to handle it once gain. But he looked jut as curious if not more. That question always wad to several others, all with answers that never sounded good or fun to begin with or learn on their own. It sucked.
"That has many answers that would confuse you before making sense. You haven't fully learned about those angels, let alone all of hell before even started that."
"That doesn't answer the question, what if he finds the hotel me, Felix and Hyunjin live at? Then what, we have to fight for our own home on the surface too?"
"He couldn't get past the barriers those two have set up. He'd start sweating and his human form would get too sick before making it to the elevator.""
His words came out with chuckle at the end. His eyes scanning around still bit more in like a memory then surveillance. He was slightly, although rare, enjoying himself. Looking at the curious look on Y/N's face, watching the way their eyebrows slightly rose before he let out a sigh, knowing there was no way to get around this question. Not without making Y/N want the answers more and looking for those answers themselves and that might get them hurt more before they could get the answers.
"Now the question is do you want the quick answer or the long answer?"
"The Long answer works. Unless you want me to find out the holes you leave and watch me maybe make things slightly worse for everyone, but I'd have no regrets."
He let out a satisfied hum, liking the answer. But since he didn't want to take the chance and ruin things more, which would've brought more answers then questions later down the road. Something not everyone would have answers that would've been acceptable.
"Soobin is an arch angel, I used to be one but that's a story you don't get to hear yet. But he's been using his trust and position to come down here since unlike most angels, he can maintain a human form without being traced. But he wants you. He's done this with every bride we had before you because he was curious. But he made them into angels and they lost what made him so curious, but he thinks he can outsmart the ones in charge and thinks chaos won't happen either way since Heaven made a deal with me. We keep demons in line, we get a bride in return and they can do their job. but you made him curious, not only are you a man this time, but clearly you have something the others didn't. I don't know what hurt him, but I know that made him more curious ion you, the fact tat you're not a female, or the fact you could hurt him and stand up against him without running away."
"What happens if he did try to take me?"
"Then the deal we had with heaven isn't upheld and we create chaos, which would fill up their gates with people who aren't supposed to be killed but there would be nothing they could do, even if they offered the angel responsible for it. But you're different in a good way for us, bad for him."
Slowly walking around, back and fourth for a while. Y/N slowly took in the information, but making a plan was something. Messy for a while, but it was going to get done/ But talking about it now wasn't smart because there's still things he needs to learn. What else is everyone's abilities and how can that help? What can they use as a weapon, their still technically a young demon with no control of themselves or who knows what else? He has to learn from the demons in front of him and understand everything they can do. Something that most would hate because they want to prove themselves without help, but this isn't something pride can truly help him right now, not when he's staring at the Sin of Pride himself.
"So, when are you guys going to stop treating me like a dying flower and let me fight?"
No one ever talked about how hard Changbin can punch when you tell him to be serious. Not to be treated like a scared person, but someone fighting for their life. But standing there trying to keep up with him was another thing. The way he moved like he had every attack route planned out. There was almost no dodging any attacks without getting hurt in the process. And he would use that to his advantage and there was no getting around that. But Y/N didn't stop, because using a weapon is useless if you can't fight using a weapon. Others are more so trained with weapons then fist, or their legs which tends to hurt more then a punch to the side does. Standing toe to toe with the man himself isn't easy, but it's also helpful because he isn't fighting fair, how most people would fight in his shoes. They would fight dirty to get a win, and not care about the outcome, as long as their on top is all that matters to others trying to fight.
But Lee know was leaning against the wall, giving them tips and wondering if they could hear the tips while focusing. But this was the best he could do, not without taking over the spotlight although the two if them do often spar together. But before stopping, Y/N managed to get a good punch on his jaw. It was enough to make him stumble back while trying to regain his balance while holding his jaw. At first it was shocking. there stood Changbin holding his jaw while slowly looking over to him. He was proud, because despite the pain he can see, they still got to it. Looking proud with a slight smirk on his face. Watching how y/n look slightly surprised, but also proud of himself for at least getting one punch on his face. But they had a long way to go but also needed to get used to eating souls. Another thing the others didn't do with the others when they didn't want to force it since that could ruin their mind and body more then dying and being reborn ever could.
But there was something different about how determined Y/N looked. Even after fighting with changbin. he still needed to eat and human food wasn't cutting it anymore. he had to learn to eat like a demon, fight like demon and basically become a demon. There was no stopping this process once it got past the soul point, something that could very much make it harder for Soobin to get closer without getting caught and getting sloppy. But that was Y/n thinking too far ahead. Although nervous about the taste and feeling, it was this or nothing else and slowly going insane. But also stunting their journey before doing any of this. Lee know held the bag, there was only one soul inside, it wasn't too big, but big enough to feel full and get more energy before diving into anything else. But that didn't stop him form walking over to the panting man. He was standing there just trying to get used to the feeling, but not even bar fights used to get this bad. Even when he strippers and the men were bad but this was horrible.
"This is a older one, it's bland but it will get you used to the texture and will be introduced to taste. You'll get more in time, but if you taste too much you'll become addicted and just eat souls for the thrill. We like having you sane."
Holding the floating soul, the dimly light red of a damned soul. The fact this was still was someone, but it still had some weight to it. He slowly ate it, pushing the entire thing inside his mouth before slowly chewing it somehow had a taste, and a texture to also be chewed but he was right, there was no flavor to it, not much anyways. But he still stood there and let his body shake, letting the feeling get used to his bones while he slowly stopped. His eyes glowed the dim red the soul was before slowly going back to normal. His body slowly got healed, though it wasn't much but the bruises and scratches were gone, a little but not the big ones. But those would be handled with time and maybe the others. Depending on who got there first. Although Felix was already running with green flames before lee know could muster his own, the sin of Envy as he says.
"Does he always fight this hard or was it because I told him don't treat me like a flower?"
"you haven't seen him fight with Lee know or Bang Chan, now those get bad and the reason why there's a field in the front of the house so they can fight."
"Think I can see that happen or is that way too soon?"
"Depends, you want to be proud of your first punch or would you like to realize how far you have to go before getting there first?"
"Fair point I like this moment first."
Changin smiled after that, because he knew it was making them think what else could he possible do the more they fought? he could do anything really but right now he was happy with the hand to hand combat he was getting to try. Since most of everyone was able to keep up with him and he had to give more effort. But he also missed seeing the progress from everyone else, seeing them go from getting overwhelmed by him fighting to being able to keep up with him. But it was clear they still had a long way to go, and now it was lee knows turn to do some teaching. Mainly about the other demons and why every sin was created and why they do sometimes have to work with heaven. How souls get judged and why there's different rings but they all live together most of the time and leave for their own rings sometimes.
despite being tired, being able to sit down and use their hands to write again might actually be more helpful then nothing. And after that they can take a hellfire bath, which will help them get used to the fire and the burning feeling and learn how to use it without burning their fingers. Someone will be there to help them get out so they don't get hurt too easily. But that also comes within time and will happen when it happens. Right now Y/N had to walk, although slow and offered help. they were standing tall and walking behind Lee know with just a little distance. It made Chan smile from the room he was in because he felt that tingle in his spine, not wanting to ask for help and making a statement, not with words but with actions. But no one really knew where he was and would see him later. Since Y/N still had to go to the surface and ensure that he was fully erased from others memories, like the penthouse they stayed in, not remembering what they look like, but now as someone else and any other places they were know to frequent and people would recognized them.
Sitting down on the rather comfortable chair, he liked up to see Lee knows chalkboard, it had some drawings of the demon body as a male, with some details but most of it was coming from the books. He wanted a quiet place to handle this and made sure everyone knew it, even though Felix did have a pout on his face when hearing that but he knew it was for the best. Maybe he could watching changbin fight someone or listen to Hyunjin plan out his plans for tonight since it wouldn't be his time with Y/N right now. And that's okay with him since he is getting hungry.
"We can either start with why heaven and hell rarely work together, or we can talk about why the sins were made."
"Let's start with the Sins, I want to hear your take on it at least."
Crossing his legs as he sat on the large office chair, lee know held his hands together while thinking. He watched Y/N grabbed their pencil and the notebook that was already laid out on their desk and made sure to write down any notes and questions. But he wanted to wait till after Lee Know talked about it and started to explain it, even just a little bit.
"Because you can't always have good things in a paradise, that's just how humans started to evolve, and trying to only have good things makes it stale, boring because after a while everything becomes the same. you never have to worry and that, in my opinion, is annoying. But there has to be something bad in a way to challenge that and reveal what someone would do. Like for example, when you didn't let Felix or changbin carry you even though it's obvious that your legs were tired. It's pride, which in some eyes means you always think your right, you can handle it and there's no need to help you. Or when someone isn't satisfied with everything they have and still want more. Something a lot of humans want because it gets to a point where it's all so boring, where your used to it and the value and meaning of everything you have loses it's value and purpose and you crave something more. Everyone has a little sin, Pride, greed, Envy, gluttony, Lust, wrath and sloth. Although sloth is a part of everyone's lives, because they don't want to get up. Some don't see the point of getting up and would lay somewhere while everyone and everything else changes around them. Sure it happens to everyone, but it also depends on what that person does with it."
"Well if Chan is pride, Felix is Envy, what does that make you?"
"Greed. I always wanted more because I could everything I wanted and I was never satisfied what I had. Though it's rare I almost ever am and that depends on the value and purpose. Before you ask, I still want more from you, but right now you can't give that and I'm not about to rush you. Since it's clear we have other things to worry about. Sometimes I get confused with Felix or Changbin, but there's a difference between the three."
"What is the different between Changbin and Felix?"
"Felix will want something because someone else has it and their happy about it or they love it, he wants that too regardless of what he already has. Changbin is like a bottomless pit, he wants more but Felix wants the attention of everyone, with gluttony it mainly comes from food, not just everyday foods but things people can't afford. Like rich food or like how some kings and queens used to eat when others were wondering when their next meal would be. But they would keep eating. Despite his frame and how h looks, he could keep eating and still look the same, at first he sued to hate it because of people, but he realized what it meant when he died and became the Sin of gluttony, since a lot of people have it, mainly those who filmed themselves eating for views even despite the risk involved. Sure it can be for the money, but it's still consuming food the body can't always handle. But sometimes it doesn't stop them even if they get a heart attack or learn that their heart can't keep up."
"So Did everyone die to become Sins? Well everyone but Chan?"
"In a way yes, though Hyunjin was born for human sexual desire. He was created that way long ago, well, more like decades ago. I was there and so was Chan and Changbin, we smelled someone new and he was there. Sucking the desire out of an entire brothel, though he was naked and was basically a baby. We had to teach him basic things while helping him learn to control his own desires since if he ate too much he'd go into a frenzy, and those differ between the sins and demons."
"What's a Frenzy? Like losing their mind? Is it the same for every Sin or is it different for the rest of you?"
"I'll use Hyunjin as an example. When he goes into a Frenzy it's either because he's starving or he ate way too much. Mainly when he's ate too much. it's like getting high or extremely drunk. He isn't in control of his actions but he wants more. The last time it happened he drained someone to the bone and they died and we had to basically dunk him in hell fire to snap him back. If jeongin did then everyone would fall asleep, and we'd have to fight the urge to sleep just to get to him. He hates his stomach being tickled but waking him up would also be the hard part. If Changbin did so he'd eat everything, even if he isn't supposed to. People, buildings, animals, nature, everything. He hasn't done that yet. Seungmin would burn or make everyone mad over little things, which would make worse and a lot of people will die, most likely along with Felix if he ever did again, everyone would feel extremely jealous, he'd want to take everything if he could that meant a lot to people. No matter what it was or what it looked like, he'd take it all and destroy it so no one else could have it. Me and Chan haven't gone into one yet. Hyunjin used to be at a high risk but he's learning how to hold and not go though his food supply so much."
"How come you or Chan haven't gone into one? Isn't greed and pride one of the most used Sin's in human life? I know at least for me and the people I grew up around it was."
"We have higher limits, because if we didn't then humans would be in danger and we'd create chaos. Greed would take everything and someone would start to become prideful of stealing and taking something while others got angry and killed, which depending on the person and their own hidden desires, they'd enjoy it. If all of us did so together then it would be chaos and heaven and hell would basically have to create humans once again from scratch. Which if we take into consideration of the angel, he probably thinks it's an exaggeration, which will only ruin things for him. But that's for us to know and him to learn the hard way."
"he seems more Arrogant then prideful, I don't date types like him."
"That's for him to learn and for us to learn and figure out what to do, but now back to the demons and Sins. I couldn't care less about what he has planned right now because he can't get down here without burning, there is no loopholes to work in his favor."
Lee know continued to talk and explain things for the next 30 minutes, watching Y/N fill in the pages back and fourth while his pencil stayed moving around. Lee know waiting till he got the Okay to keep talking or if he needed to repeat something. He offered books to read but only in hell, since Soobin could feel the energy since most of it was stronger without training to conceal them. But it would give them information. But Y/N was free to walk around and do whatever they wanted within reason.
"Could I start looking for my own room here? It gets lonely and boring up there when I wait for everyone else to get up there."
"I'd have to ring Chan since that has to go into records. And he is very particular about keeping files, and in order."
"Does he have a whole room of files?"
"So far, about 3 full rooms but almost no one gets in there. Just give me a second and he'll let you pick some from some options."
Knocking 4 times on the chalk board, there was only the faint sound of footsteps walking. Each step got closer till he was right there, his hands in his pockets with a curious look on his face. Until he got the reason for the visit, looking for a room. But that also made him question, which would be a good room for him? Was now really the safe time to get comfortable down here? But he looked into his eyes, the way he looked curious but also ready. Not wanting to be treated like a flower, not like they needed to be protected all the time with someone right there and in his ear to say what he should want or do. But he was making his own way and handling things in his own way and there was nothing most could do to stop him. He didn't want Y/n finding rooms they weren't strong enough to walk into so he gave a nod. He knew there was a room that had a view, but also windows that kept the screams outside and made the others walk around, but there was also a secret room in there, the only person that knew about it was Chan.
"There's a room I think you'd like, it's bare and as you learn. you can create what you want with flames. Though the bed in there isn't the best."
"I'll take it, it'll help me get used to being here, that's really all i need."
Chan did a motion, he walked down the wall and listened to Y/N's footsteps behind him. He kept his hands in his pockets while he walked down the halls, the windows being shut but hearing the faint screams, they weren't getting louder. Chan being used to that and just kept walking, softly humming till he finds the double wooden doors, stepping aside to allow him to get inside.
Looking around at the bare walls, knowing that these walls were soon going to be covered with things about them. Changing the bed and dresser while getting stronger. but right now this was his moment. Looking out the window there was something slowly coming into place, and without anyone knowing, there was smirk growing on his face.
Welcome to the winter Palace, a place that comes to life once ayear hte moment the snow and ice comes around. The moment the coold shows your breath, your hands become cold even with winter clothes and you want to lay inside where everything is warm. Here a slip will appear in your inbox if you'd like to come. it'll be a random winter theme, you'll have full control over everything. But it will be a surprise, maybe you can give it to someone or you can post it to share with eveyrone !! If you'd like to join please DM me to join !!
SUMMARY | Jongho's true birthright is revealed when his mother visits. What's in store for you and Jongho in the finale?
PAIRINGS | Jongho x Reader
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+, Any Minors and Ageless Blogs will be blocked
GENRE | smut, angst, drama
CONTENT/WARNINGS | age-gap, step-cest, mentions of cheating, control and emotional abuse, slight physical abuse (arm-grabbing, hair grabbing, slapping), mentions of character death (Taeho finally gets what's coming to him), mentions of illegal business dealings, profanity/strong language, secrets are finally revealed, kissing, unprotected sex (wrap it up ya’ll!), caressing, dirty talk, vaginal penetration
AUTHOR’S NOTE | Please read Part 1 and part 2 if you haven’t already. Andddddd the finale is here! I hope you all enjoy and thank you for sticking with this one. Much love 💚
ATEEZ Main Masterlist
A month had passed since you had birthed your twin children. Each passing day is more challenging than the last, but the heartache feels worse by the hour, as you begin to mourn your missing child, your daughter you gave birth to.
Soojin promised to do everything to protect and hide her, keep her from Taeho. She and her husband are loving people who would treat her like their own child.
And even if the pain hurts, Jongho's support gives you the strength to see each new day come to pass. You and Jongho have agreed to keep your daughter a secret to prevent him from having more leverage than he already has. The thought of your children being kept apart sickens and angered you both, but if Taeho finds out that he had a daughter too, you would be signing away any rights you could have possibly had and guarantee the loss of both children.
And if losing one baby is bad enough, you can't imagine how the loss of both of them would crush your entire soul, decimating everything it once was into a fractured husk.
Taeho was out for a business trip as usual and Jongho was at Soojin's, spending time with his daughter when you hear an incessant banging sound coming from downstairs. Your baby boy was tucked into bed for a nap when you had been cleaning up the room and a deep frown etches onto your forehead when he wakes up and lets out a small whine.
"Shit," you hiss when the banging gets louder. Pulling Jongseok into your arms, you make your way downstairs in the dim lights of the mansion. "It's okay, sweetheart. Don't cry, mommy's here," you assure him softly. The boy latches his fist against your chest, settling against you and the banging rings throughout the house. "What the hell?"
When you open the door, you're met with a face of an older woman that looks like Jongho. His mom, perhaps? She sees you cradle Jongseok in your arms and her lips are tugged into a strained frown, mixed emotions written on her features.
"Ma'am?" you hesitantly greet her, glancing at the men behind her, looking more like guards than just visitors.
"The little one looks like you both," she straightens and lets her mouth lift in a gentle smile. "I'm Jongho's mother."
"Um...please," you sigh and stand away from the entrance, letting her and her team inside the house, leading her and the others towards the living room. "Forgive the state of our house, but-"
"Oh please, darling," she smiles, reaching a hand to touch Jongseok's head. You feel his breath calm and a soft sound escapes the baby's throat. "Don't worry, I understand you've got other priorities rather than taking care of the house," she soothes, her motherly smile blooming at the sight of her grandson and the affection he returns with a giggle.
You settle onto the sofa, pulling a light blanket around the baby. Mrs. Choi sits in the opposite chair, observing you silently, eyes examining Jongseok. Her silence lingers too long and you finally breathe out, gazing into the other woman's eyes.
"Mrs Choi," you begin softly, "not to be rude, but...why are you here?" you ask quietly. The air between is tense, stagnant. You want so badly to cry, scream, rant. Why couldn't anyone see how trapped, miserable, and dehumanized you had become over the years of being married to your own jailer?
"Please, just call me Mina. I’m no longer Mrs Choi," she announces firmly, causing you to pull back a bit in surprise, the newborn squirming. “I'm here to help you.”
"Help me?" You shake your head. "But-"
"I know very well what you're going through," she presses, leaning forward to grasp your hand and squeeze gently, then reach out a hand and runs her fingers along Jongseok's cheek. "You've been trapped under his control. I know all too well what he's capable of."
"I envy your freedom," you exhale a choked sob, a hand covering your mouth. Jongseok wiggles and mewls against your chest, his little hand tugging the collar of your sweater. "You were able to escape from his clutches and gain freedom from Taeho, yet I-"
"Listen, my dear," Mina interrupts, squeezing your hand again. Her eyes turn to steel as the emotions build up in the depths of her chest, a burning flame igniting and spurring her on. "I came here because you're not alone anymore." Her words echo in the darkness. "Let me help you, Y/N. My son, Jongho...he's...my boy," she stutters as a lone tear streaks across her cheek. "He's filled with so much joy, happiness and love every time he visits me. When he talks about you, or his children, his whole world seems to brighten and illuminate like nothing I have ever seen before. Y/N, you and the children are Jongho's light."
"I feel the same way about him," you admit, closing your eyes and allowing a small smile form.
"That's good. But I hate to be the bearer of bad, or maybe it's good news, but there's something more," Mina pauses, letting your eyes flicker up to her face, curious. "Jongho isn't Taeho's son, in the most literal of senses."
"What are you-?" you ask slowly. Your brows furrowed in confusion and curiosity. "What do you mean? Of course Jongho is Taeho's son."
The elderly woman sighs deeply and shakes her head, rubbing your hand between hers. Her eyes were sympathetic and when her attention moves from you, they glistened, a soft hue reflecting from unshed tears.
"I'm going to tell you a tale. A story, so to say, about my past," she utters. "One I had tried to keep buried. I was foolish to think that this could ever truly fade or be kept from the past. Especially with someone as conniving, power hungry, and deceptive as Taeho."
There's a lump growing steadily, heavier and thicker in the back of your throat and you swallow, listening in fear of what horrors she would unveil.
"The thing with Taeho is that he never stopped to question if Jongho was truly his son," Mina muttered. "Jongho is Taeho's brother. Half-brother. I slept with Youngho, Taeho's father, weeks before I got married to Taeho," she tells you, staring at your son as his eyes flutter close. "I know it was stupid of me but Youngho gave me love, understanding and kindness, so different from the man I was supposed to marry."
"You loved him." The truth is already there and your voice doesn't need to say it for it to be a fact. "You and Youngho," you said softly.
"I still do," she confesses, "as much as I hate to admit it. I fell in love with a man I couldn't ever have. Youngho is gone now. Dead and gone," she clears her throat. The baby sighs, small huffs of breath fanning against your collarbone and a faint smile traces the corners of Mina’s mouth. "Taeho never suspected me to be unfaithful. The day Jongho was born he looked just like a copy of Taeho, and no one questioned. Not even I could tell the difference between him and his brother.
"I raised Jongho to think that Taeho was his father. How can I tell him that a man that he calls father is his brother? That the man he calls grandpa is actually his father? I kept a lot of secrets from my son to keep him safe, but now I can see that it's done him no good," Mrs. Choi concluded, "or you."
"Did Youngho ever find out that Jongho was his?"
"Youngho didn't even know that Jongho was his until after I divorced Taeho. And the time for telling Jongho about the truth was too late since Taeho shipped him off to a boarding school."
"This is..." your eyes search hers, brows knit. "This is insane. How─"
"Mother?" a shocked gasp cuts through the air, silencing any other question you might have had, and your body tenses. Jongho rushes over to you, hurried, urgent. A streak of pure panic seeping through the façade when his eyes find hers.
"Jongho, it's okay," you soothe. Reaching out, you take hold of his hand. It's like an instant jolt of electricity races through your bodies, hot and sizzling, electrifying your nerves in mere moments and warming your frozen heart. "Your mother was telling me a story. She has some rather important news."
He turns from you to her, swallowing the lump. Mina takes his hand, wrapping both hers around his trembling one.
"Jongho, darling. You are a strong, and kindhearted young man. And I could not be prouder," her soft words ease his anxiety. "Your father would be proud to see the man you've grown up to be."
"Him, proud?" Jongho scoffs. "All he ever does is give me criticism and demand so much from me and when I do meet expectations...it's never enough," Jongho laments, a scoff falling out with a sigh. "He looks at me with disdain and now he wants to take my children from me? What kind of father does that?"
"Not him, Jongho, not him," his mother denies. "I never meant to keep things a secret but after marrying Taeho... I wanted to keep you safe, protect you. You weren't old enough to understand," she tells him, resting a hand over his chest and patting his arm. "Taeho isn't your father, Jongho."
"What are you talking about?" He frowns deeply, shaking his head. "Of course Taeho is my father."
Mina pulls out an envelope from her pocket. "Here. Your biological father left this for you. It may be painful to read," she cautions him with a sympathetic gaze, "but it will shed a little more light."
Confused, he opens the paper, unfolding the crinkled sheets. "A paternity test? What the..." Jongho falters as the information settles in, a jagged breath choking him. His eyes move between the papers and his mother's face as he whispers. "So grandpa was actually...he was my-"
"Yes," she interjects, "You're Youngho's son and you have just as much right to take over the company and claim everything." Mina squeezes his hand and rises to her feet, clasping his neck and pulling him down for a loving kiss to his forehead, sighing with relief and pressing her forehead against his, peering into his glistening eyes and whispers, "You can finally be free, Jongho. You, Y/N, and your children can finally have your peace."
For once you felt like the weight had lifted from your shoulder, seeing a glimpse of light and hope, of freedom. But the ever-growing problem was what you and Jongho have been dreading the most, his return in two days' time.
Even with the evidence, Jongho wasn't going to take chances on presenting everything in a proper order. Soojin and her husband, Yeongtae, an attorney by profession, assured the two of you that they'd do anything in their power to help and when the time comes, to act swiftly.
Now you're laying awake at three in the morning, the clock ticking loudly against the walls. Jongseok is asleep in his nursery and Jongho is just slipping into bed beside you. A soothing hand presses against your spine, drawing delicate circles against your skin, pressing a kiss to your hair.
"You're home," you whisper, turning to face him.
He hums softly, caressing your cheek, looking into the depths of your tired eyes, peppering you with affection as his lips wander all over. "Yes. I came straight after I talked with the others," Jongho breathes, cradling you with a firm yet gentle hold, feeling you trembling ever so slightly in the cool room, goosebumps forming across your naked skin.
Your eyes wander over his handsome features, a rush of calm warmth overtaking you. His gentle stare meeting yours makes you feel safe, warm, and the fear that had been bubbling starts to subside. He presses his forehead to yours, taking in a slow inhale and murmurs quietly, "You'll get to see Jieun again. I'll keep you three safe, just like I promised."
It doesn't come off as a surprise when you start to weep silently, melting against him in overwhelming happiness, heart surging, hands reaching out and latching into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him against your frame. His lips descend against the apple of your cheek, pressing to kiss away the tears, smiling faintly against your damp cheek.
"Thank you, Jongho," you cried in utter relief, gratitude swelling as the last of your defenses collapses. The waterfalls begin flowing nonstop as all of your pent-up emotions and fears and struggles break forth and your heart was aching painfully in your chest, heavy with your guilt, remorse, and everything in between. "I'm so glad that you're not Taeho's son," the words blurted out quickly as you gasped. "I'm glad that I'm not your stepmom, and─"
He cuts your rambling short with a bruising kiss and the motion, the sudden shift has your heart throbbing loudly, pounding hard and fast in your chest, dizzying. You grasp his nape and pull him closer, opening your mouth wider, greedily accepting every touch, desperate for more of the flames burning between.
"So am I," he groans low and heavy against your parted lips. Jongho eases on top, balancing his weight on his elbows. He nudges one of his strong legs between yours, hiking your thigh up against his own. The scorching touch has you panting heavily. "If anything, I'm just a tiny bit relieved that I can call you my lover, instead of my stepmother," Jongho chuckles hoarsely, nuzzling against your neck, languidly dragging his wet muscle against the column of your throat. The burn from his kisses has your stomach tying into knots, skin erupting in waves of butterflies and you moan, hitching the sound around a hiccup. "I don't want anyone else. Just you."
His firm, insistent hands explore your exposed curves, caressing every inch he can reach, wandering along your skin. He's achingly slow in the way he runs his palm underneath the soft curves of your breast, your soft stomach marred with stretch marks and lingering flabbiness. "I can't believe my children had the chance to grow within you. Right here," Jongho rasps in amazement. His palm presses against the gentle curve of your womb and something inside your soul twists and grows warm with love, making you shudder with intensity and awe.
"How can a beautiful, charming young man like you like someone as old as me, Jongho," you inquire, heat creeping into your cheeks.
"You know very well, how and why, my sweet," Jongho's deep voice was low and velvety, burning against your neck. "And you're not old, Y/N. Not old at all," his hot lips press a flurry of feather light kisses in the crook of your neck, a jittery feeling rushing up and down, your body pulsing, hot and alive, his other hand wandering across your arms, and slowly venturing up, rubbing gentle and soft against the sensitive undersides, "not for me, you aren't. You're just the right amount of everything," Jongho whispers.
Your bones quiver with emotion and desire as his smooth, honeyed voice vibrates throughout, piercing and pinching like tiny needles of arousal, sharp and sparking in the core of your center. The feeling surges intensely when the flat of his thumbs brush against your nipples and roll them in light touches.
"Never forget that, you hear me?" He leans close, hovering above you and you see how he swallows, Adam's apple bobbing and when you nod he dives for your parted mouth, invading. Jongho licks between the seam, suckling your lower lip between his own.
You can only breathe out a little yes and tug him back to you, pushing against his broad frame, holding him as tightly as you can muster, your breath shallow. Jongho groans, hands eagerly trailing down until he's clutching your rear and the tops of your thighs.
"Baby, tell me that I can make love to you, Y/N," he whispers, thumb teasing your hip, watching your breath stuttering. You close your eyes and allow his sinful, passionate touch to burn against your sensitive skin and exhale a ragged puff. "You're my forever and always."
"Please," you manage to beg, before his mouth is back on you, tasting, nibbling, licking. One of his palms trail further down, smoothing his fingers along the bare expanse of your stomach, the supple swell of your thighs, touching wherever and however he desired, wherever you let him. Your blood roared through your ears, thumping wildly in the wake of his searing lips, moving up and down along the curve of your shoulder and nape, igniting little flares of sparks underneath the flesh. His thick, warm fingers made slow work, rubbing between your quivering thighs, teasing you until your slick coated him.
When he pushes himself into you, it feels right. More than that. He's a perfect fit, filling every inch and spreading heat through you with every slow movement.
"Fuck, I miss being inside you, Y/N," Jongho muffles, buries his head into the curve of your shoulder, "so damn much."
"You say that as if you weren't inside me when I was pregnant," you retort.
"Yeah but I was being gentle back then," he growls, rutting his cock even deeper and angling, hitting all the perfect points, leaving you a whimpering mess underneath his devious, quick mouth.
"I love you," you breathe out shakily.
"I love you too," he mouths. "With all my life, my soul."
He moves in earnest, pulling out and thrusting in so deep, kissing all the right spots. In the midst of passion, he whispers sweet nothings and promises, vowing his heart and soul, giving everything away for your safety.
For the first time in months, you drift off with peace of mind, falling into a blissfully, serene rest, without worries or fears, knowing that you would get your daughter back as soon as possible. And that when this is all over, you, Jieun, Jongseok and Jongho, would finally have a chance to live the life you've always deserved, without restraints.
"How is Jongseok?" You bit the inside of your bottom lip as Taeho takes a seat, glass in hand and eyes flickering at the squirming baby in your arms. He leans back and swirls his drink around. "And Jongho? I'm surprised that he's not by your side," Taeho muses, flashing an ugly grin, sipping on his tumbler of amber alcohol.
"Jongseok is very well, thank you," you force a polite smile, smoothing the light, embroidered blanket against the baby's small body and bringing him closer, nestling his tiny form against your body protectively. "As for Jongho, well...there is an issue at the company."
Which was a lie since he was with Yeongtae and a handful of his trustworthy attorneys at his mother's office, strategizing for the lawsuit he was about to present Taeho.
Taeho just lets out a low chuckle, setting the empty glass aside and nods slowly. "Good. He knows how to behave after all," the elder man spits, sitting up. He rises slowly, ambling towards you. With careful steps, Taeho is just a mere couple feet away. He's still staring at the baby as he crosses his arms behind his back.
Now that you know that Jongho is Taeho's brother instead of his son, your viewpoints have completely switched. The man that stands in front of you now, intimidating and vicious, is just another person who wanted to crush and control everyone under him. A pathetic bully, hungry for power and greedy to the core.
"We'll have to go see your parents soon with the little one," Taeho comments. "Your parents would be overjoyed to welcome their grandson."
You tilt your chin a tad bit higher, a forced smile plasters itself across your face, tone strained. "We'd love that," you choke. "Especially since it has been so long since we last saw my parents."
"Glad you agree." Taeho smiles. His eyes darken. It's just a subtle shift of expression and the older man pivots to face you, stalking forward and stopping just as he's a few inches away. "But the moment you misbehave or even tell your parents that Jongho is his father," he hisses under his breath, reaching a hand and grasping your chin roughly between his forefinger and thumb, "I will make both of your lives a living nightmare. Both you and my idiot son," he threatens in a low, chilling hiss.
"Yes, Taeho," you answer. The tip of your nails press against the cushiony armrest. Your spine tingles in alert. Fear swells in your heart.
Taeho lets your jaw go. But he continues to loom, a dominating glare and a self-satisfied smirk gracing his features. "Good girl."
The baby lets out a small cry, curling against you.
The small action has Taeho moving away. "Is he hungry?" he inquires. You nod mutely. He reaches over and strokes the top of your baby's head with the back of his fingers, before you turn Jongseok away from the harsh touch.
"Of course," the older man states, standing at the edge, glancing down. "Well, go ahead. Feed our child, dear," he says, waving his hand nonchalantly as he begins striding across the room.
Our. Child.
The venomous words have you grimacing, tightening your arms around Jongseok.
With a reluctant heart, you slip out the clasp to your dress, allowing the fabric to slide away, freeing your breast. His little head comes into you as you nestle the baby's body comfortably. His mouth opens against your nipple, taking in your offering eagerly, suckling with soft sounds of content. Your body releases the tension when Jongseok nuzzles even closer.
It's at that moment when Jongho enters the parlor, stopping to gaze at you in adoration as you feed your son. When his eyes notice Taeho's presence in the room, you see him stiffening, the corded muscles in his shoulders tense.
"Welcome home, father," Jongho greets stiffly. Calling Taeho 'father' after finding out the truth over the last few days, almost made him gag. "How was your visit in Japan?"
Taeho hums nonchalantly. "Business as usual," the older male answers and slings the wine tumbler by his side, standing at the rim of the sofa. "Your stepmother was telling me that you were dealing with an issue at the company?"
Jongho shoots you a quick glace and catches your swift nod. He exhales a tense breath. "That's correct. But everything is now taken care of so that's no longer a problem."
"Well done," Taeho congratulates. Jongho swallows, fidgeting in his shoes. Taeho stands motionless at the rim of the couch. He nods toward the empty seat beside you and beckons him, "Join us, son."
With a curt, yet respectful nod, he moves to settle next to you, allowing him to watch Jongseok's peaceful, silent sucking. You allow Jongho to take Jongseok's hand in his, gently running his thumb over his pinky.
"What a sight," the older male comments with a small smirk, "watching my son with his own child." Taeho lets out a small snort and swirls his beverage around before taking a hefty swig. "For once I'm proud of what you've done even if you did sleep with your own stepmother," he remarks.
A sour expression settles over Jongho's face for a fleeting second and when you touch his leg, his chest floods with warmth and affection.
"Well, well..." Taeho muses after another drawn silence. You feel your blood run cold and you exchange a nervous look with Jongho who smiles encouragingly.
"Here's to a great future, for all of us," Taeho exclaims happily and tips his head back, gulping the last few sips of his drink, swishing it in his mouth. A dry, crisp sound of amusement slips past his lips. He sets the empty glass onto a silver tray and gets up to leave.
You watch him walking out the double-winged doors, stepping towards his office. As soon as the door closes, you turn to Jongho, caressing the baby's hair, "Did you give the lawyers everything?"
He nods with a small, but reassuring grin. "Yes, everything should be going into court as soon as we finalize all the papers, get your statement," Jongho confirms. His gaze falls to Jongseok, peacefully nuzzled against you. He smiles briefly as the baby holds his finger. "We should tell your parents soon."
"About?" Your brow quirks in question.
"Us. The twins. Taeho," he says, turning his face toward you. "Everything, so that they know about all the shit that went down, in case if... anything happens."
He didn't even want to entertain the thought of losing you, and especially the twins, because of Taeho and his wicked games. It was the one thing that kept him up at night, his biggest fear. Losing you forever.
"I want to but Taeho's threats─"
"I'll tell them. I want to," Jongho replies firmly.
"They might not listen," you begin but he places a finger over your lips, hushing your rebuttal.
"They will," he assures you, "whether or not, I'll make sure they understand the entire situation. I'll bring my mother and Yeongtae too, just to add credence." His thumb strokes your cheek and his eyes become intense, burning with purpose. "No more lying. No more secrets. Let's just tell your parents and get this over with," he pauses, exhaling, his voice smooth. "Do you trust me?"
"With all my heart," your voice is steady, even with your nerves tingling all over.
Jongho presses a kiss onto Jongseok's cheek. "Daddy is going to keep you safe, my little treasure."
Your heart wobbles from the depth of the sincerity in his voice and when he pulls you into a tender kiss, you cling onto him, soaking in the strength his arms give, hoping and praying that Taeho could just get the hell out of the picture so that you can finally live the peaceful life with your little family.
Taeho was called back to Japan due to an urgent matter. According to his assistant, there were some matters with the shareholders that he had to address and his departure could not wait any longer.
Bidding you goodbye in the wee hours of morning, you stand at the foyer with Jongseok cradled in your arm. Jongho is right behind you as you watch him rolling his luggage out the door, followed by his assistants.
You wave at his retreating form, watching the limo disappear down the paved lane before Jongho closes the doors. His hand circles the top of your arm and leads you towards the staircase.
"Let's meet with your parents today," Jongho breathes, pressing a kiss onto the top of Jongseok's head before cupping your cheek and running his thumb across your skin. "We'll go visit your parents and I'll have a team sweep the mansion for any bugs or cameras so nothing will reach his hands."
You swallow, nodding in apprehension, and his chest aches. "Hey," Jongho breathes, touching your waist, drawing lazy patterns, massaging the flesh, trying to relax you. "It's going to be okay, you hear?"
"I hope so," you whimper softly. Your lip trembles ever so slightly, fear crawling into your nerves, twisting the strings taut. His hand comes around, slipping into yours, lacing.
"Y/N," he tilts his chin down, bringing his forehead to yours, a gentle smile dances across his mouth and his eyes hold your worried ones, staring intensely, "you are my light, my everything, my one and only. As long as I am here with you and the twins, everything is going to be okay, trust me."
And for once, you believe those words of comfort and feel relief from the tension in your soul, believing whole-heartedly that he'll keep those promises of peace and safety and of happiness.
A little while later, you're at your parents house and after an entire hour of explaining everything that has happened for the past year, there's utter silence that descends within. The twins are cooing softly, Jongseok making gurgling sounds, eyes opening and looking up to watch, studying intently. Your father and mother glance at each other.
"Why didn't you come to us immediately?" Eunhee, your mothe, asks with a sad look appearing in her eyes. Your heart breaks a little more when you see your mother weeping, tearful, and in her saddened gaze lies disappointment and betrayal. "Oh my sweet girl...is this why you never came by often? Because of that monster?"
You can only manage a weak nod, because of the growing lump in your throat, causing your own tears to brim. Your eyes downcast, your lip quivers. "After fifteen years of being married to him...he threatened...he threatened to ruin everything, if I ever went to you," the dam breaks. Uncontrollable, hot streams leak and stream down your cheeks, drips into a puddle, an endless flow. "Your mayoral campaign, the firm, and I just...I couldn't... I couldn't, mom," you hiccup, sniffling as you cry your heart out. The lump grows and grows until it's hard to breathe, letting out ragged, shallow breaths.
Jongho is just beside you, comforting, hand gently rubbing your lower back. His mother and Yeongtae whisper soft words to the two toddlers as they clap and kick excitedly.
"Fifteen years of trying to have a child with him," you continue to spill the contents of your bleeding heart and sob, "fifteen years of watching him with other women. Fifteen years of being constantly berated for things he didn't like, of being kicked down," you're falling, falling and falling, the memories and emotions weighing heavy. "All I wanted was someone who loved me, unconditionally. And then Jongho came along, and I just..." you inhale shakily, feeling your lungs shudder, "I couldn't stop. I kept falling and falling, so hard, I couldn't even bear to stop and by then I had fallen so in love with him."
"He's Taeho's son," Minghyun, your father, says. He sounds drained and distraught, wiping at his face. The air shifts, gloom and despair looming dark and suffocating. His shoulders sink, a bitter grimace, pulling down the lines of his cheeks. "What did we do to deserve this pain? All these secrets..." Minhyun sighs heavily, heart throbbing when a sharp pang pierces at the muscle, painfully, almost crippling.
"Minhyun," Mina intervenes, interrupting and pointing to her son. "Jongho isn't Taeho's son. He's the product of a love affair I had with Choi Youngho, Taeho's father."
"What...?" Minhyun breathes, dumbfounded. His wife has an equally surprised look on her face, eyes blinking in shock. "Are you... Are you certain, Mina? It was Youngho?"
She smiles weakly, eyes welling with sadness. "The love of my life. My greatest love. My only," she whispers wistfully and draws the sleeping little boy closer, as if she were in a trance. "Jongho is Taeho's brother," she admits softly.
"Is that true?" Eunhee cuts in, brows furrowed.
"Yes Eunhee, it's true," Mina confirms gently. "My only mistake, the biggest, is the fact I should've told Jongho the truth as soon as I could," she sounds broken. Crushed. Tired, with no more strength left to continue fighting. "I just wanted to protect him, his future," she turns, taking the small fingers from Jieun's hand. The little girl's sleepy eyes blink a few times and Mina pats the little girl's curly locks, softly brushing aside stray strands. "But instead, I lost my only son to Taeho, just as I had lost his father many years ago. For that, I will never, ever forgive myself."
"No." Eunhee shakes her head fervently, rising. "You did everything for him and protected him when you could," your mother's voice is thick, raw, coming from the bottom of her aching heart. "That's all we want to do for our children and their wellbeing. Mina," she steps forward and pulls her in an embrace. "No parent should have to feel like they've failed their child in such a manner. Do not blame yourself any further."
When Mina reciprocates the gesture, you glance to the side, eyes softening at the way Jongho holds Jieun and Jongseok carefully, rocking from side to side, humming under his breath.
"Daddy, I love Jongho," you look at your babies before meeting your parent's gaze again. You wipe your tears away. "You're probably disgusted and mad and disappointed...but I love Jongho. I can never be with anyone but him."
"I love Y/N sir," Jongho confesses and hands both the sleeping babies to your mother before bowing, facing your father, head lowered, hands fisting his pants. "I love her and the twins to pieces. I love her so much, it hurts to think about living without her. The thought of being apart from her or losing her..." Jongho rises from his bow, eyes locked with your father's, a burning sense of determination burns deep within them. "...scares the hell out of me. And it makes me sick, the idea of her being married to my half-brother."
Minhyun's features settle in resignation and he sighs wearily. "Well...this is quite the turn of events." His hands fall flat against his thighs, sighing once more. He studies you, quiet, mulling and pondering on the words you have spoken to him. You're stiff in your spot, fidgeting at the edge of the cushions, eyes flicking between him, Jongho, and your mother. She simply looks resigned, pursing her lips in thought as your mother runs a hand over Jieun and Jongseok's foreheads. "The circumstances surrounding the three of you have been twisted beyond redemption..." He drags a hand over the swell of his forehead, ruffling through his thinning hair.
"But all I want is the best for my daughter and my grandchildren. I suppose I'll have to adjust and adapt as time goes on," he stands, a frail smile twitching into existence. "Despite all of this...family, after all, is the most important thing and," your father looks to the side, catching his wife's melancholic gaze, "I believe you did all you could, in protecting our baby girl," your mother laughs quietly, snuggling the bundles into her arms. Your father glances at the babies and reaches, taking their little feet into his hands, bouncing them happily, smiling wide.
"Do you have a plan to take Taeho down?" Minhyun turns to face Jongho, his smile melting into a hard grimace. "Whatever plan you have in store, I'll gladly assist to bring him into his knees, and never, ever mess with my little girl and our grandchildren ever again."
Jongho nods slowly. His own hardened face fills with hope. "Thank you," he bows his head once more. "And yes, we're putting together an incredible legal plan, we will not lose against him. We can't. Not when so much is on the line." Jongho straightens, flashing a quick, warm, reassuring look towards you. "Please, give us a little bit of time to see this lawsuit through."
A weak smirk cracks across your father's face. "Well, I hope that you don't mind a little help, now do you?"
"Help?" Jongho frowns.
"Yes!" Minhyun lets out a guffaw, voice ringing out. "It'll be much more fun this way, wouldn't it?"
"Darling, please, don't cause a scene." Eunhee chastises him, although a faint smile can be seen pulling at the corners of her lips, reaching a hand and patting his forearm.
"Oh Eunhee, please! For once, let's just help our poor daughter in her hour of need, eh?" he asks her, beaming excitedly, like a child on Christmas Eve. "For her, for Jongho, and our beautiful grandchildren, we need to stop Taeho as quickly as possible. Every second is another moment for him to manipulate the evidence, we can't let that happen. So," Minhyun huffs, clearing his throat. "In the meanwhile, it seems that I should dig a little deeper and go under the surface to pull some strings, hm?"
Eunhee sighs and pinches her brows. A smile dances at the edge of her lips. "Alright, fine."
"Perfect! I'll meet with my team in no time," Your father's grin grows even wider and he turns to look at Jongho and then back at you, pride dancing in his gaze. "Leave the rest to daddy, and his political friends! Jongho, Yeongtae, we have much to plan so let's not dilly dally!"
As Yeongtae and Jongho follow your father down the hall, his joyous laughter echoing off the walls, a heavy burden that's weighing on your chest alleviates and in its place, warmth sweeps over, relieving you of all those pent up emotions.
"Silly, silly man," your mother says in an exasperated, yet affectionate tone and hands you your babies before pressing a loving kiss on the top of your head.
"How did you end up finding such a great, albeit a bit weird and eccentric guy?" Mina chuckles, still smiling from hearing the man laugh boisterously.
"Hah," Eunhee lets out an airy snicker, "if you only knew Mina," the older woman pats the smaller woman on the back. "If only you knew how incredibly hilarious that man is," and with that, both women giggle away, heading toward the kitchen to fetch a couple glasses of fresh lemonade.
But now, everything has finally taken shape and come together in its complete form and you pray, wishing from the bottom of your heart that, at the very least, Taeho gets what he deserves.
"What the fuck is this?!"
The summons thrown carelessly onto the table lays, unfettered. Your eyes stare at the paper, words written clear, words of summons, words of court and words of attorneys and the names of lawyers. You're bouncing Jongseok, facing Taeho who is red and vibrating in fury and disbelief.
"That's a summons," you state matter-of-factly. You sound too calm, too steady.
"I fucking know what a goddamn summons is! But, why?!" His face contorts, baring his teeth, turning feral, looking completely wild, disturbed, a vile rage simmering low.
He moves and takes a menacing step closer toward you. You move away, bringing your baby further away from Taeho's immediate reach and behind you.
"For divorce, of course, and...as it happens," you sigh nonchalantly, "custody for Jongseok and the financial restitutions."
"Divorce? You think the courts would let you divorce me? What will they say when they find out that you've been sleeping with your own stepson for over a year now?" he sneers, seething and clenching his fists.
"Oh that, about that..." you trail off, as if you were simply discussing the weather, and wave a noncommittal hand, "that's nothing. You see," your lips crack a humorless smirk. "Jongho isn't your son."
His eyes flit with confusion. His mouth drops. "What...? Did you say─"
"As it happens," you raise a brow, repeating your previous words, "Jongho is the result of the affair your ex-wife had with another man, Choi Youngho. Your father, Taeho."
Taeho snickers incredulously, huffing. He grits his teeth and presses his tongue, nostrils flaring. He inhales and his voice comes out husked with hatred. "Stop playing, Y/N. It's not funny," he warns dangerously. "How the hell would you have found this out?"
"Because," a different voice, familiar, pleasant, interrupts from behind. Taeho turns around, a hardened look on his face. Mina enters with a few folders in hand. Your father is in tow, and so is Jongho. All of their expressions are the same: serious, dark, grim, angry. "I told them everything and I have the documents to back it up. It's nice to see you again, Taeho."
His gaze falls upon his ex-wife's and for the first time, something in him falters. Uncertainty washes over, slowly, then all at once. He scrunches up his nose, a feeling of confusion rising into his gut. "I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense..."
"I had an affair with your father, Taeho." Mina's voice remains level. "Weeks before our marriage. By the time we had tied the knot, I just found out that I was pregnant. Jongho isn't your son; he's the son of Youngho and mine, not yours."
There is something lurking in the depth of her eyes, something sinister, and something he can't quite pin down. "Stop this nonsense, Mina." He flails a hand, turning toward his ex-wife, cold, a thread of hate and jealousy tightening his vocal cords. "You're saying that he's my brother, not my son? Have you lost your goddamn mind?! It doesn't make a shit ton of sense!"
"Doesn't it now?" she breathes, shoulders held taut, angled, stiff. "Like I said, you've got the documents right there if you want to take a peek. All the dates, medical records, and letters exchanged by the two of us, especially his."
Taeho flicks his tongue along the seam of his teeth, glancing between the file and her. Something in her expression never falters, as if the calmness, the sheer level of it is irritating.
"All the tests we ran and the reports and notes in Jongho's medical history has been fully confirmed and thoroughly verified, right down to a T," she continues and brings her shoulders further back. "And even if you try to get rid of it, I have the originals and backups saved and stored everywhere, with trusted sources who can also provide and confirm that fact." Her eyes are like slits. Hard, pointed, looking directly at her ex-husband.
"Not to mention," your father says, arms crossed against his broad chest, "I also looked into your company and all the financial activities surrounding you, and sure enough," his tongue flicks his lips, eyes rolling, sighing, "the hundreds and thousands, almost millions in dirty cash transactions were nothing but illegal business deals," and that seems to turn Taeho's gaze. He appears to be taken aback, blinking slowly, gaping and peering as if he were a dumb fish. "Is this how you funded my campaign, Taeho? Bribes, rigged biddings, and money launderings?"
"Minhyun, that is all slander, you have nothing to prove─"
"Oh I certainly do," he scoffs and reaches behind, plucking a thick folder out. He fans the content open with a slight thwack, displaying photos, paperwork, and affidavits. "And by god, it makes me absolutely ill. How long do you plan on trying to save your neck? You made my daughter's life a living hell and for what? Pride? Greed? It's beyond despicable and low, even for a cold blooded piece of shit like yourself."
Taeho splutters, inching toward the taller, but more powerful man. "You─!"
"Furthermore," he ignores his angered shout, "considering I found evidence to warrant and sue you, with enough evidence to put you away in jail for good," he continues, now sporting a smug grin, "for tax fraud, embezzlement, bribery, sexual harassment and the list goes on...I would very strongly urge you to be cautious of what you will say from now on, before I put you six feet under."
And his facade crumples and withers, falling, falling and shattering at the ground below him. His eyes are widened, disbelieving and breathless, barely being able to utter another word. His pupils have blown, face draining and blanching, stunned and shaken to the core. He lets out a shaky inhale and his grip tightens, reddening his knuckles, squeezing harshly. "No...This is not... this isn't possible..." He whispers, furious, angry and disordered.
Jongho is now holding onto your shoulder, careful to let his arm around your waist and to be quick and quiet in taking your baby from your arm. You can feel Jongseok moving, head turning and snuggling deeper into Jongho's broad shoulder.
"It's over now, brother," and Jongho's eyes are set on Taeho, watching him flinch violently at the moniker. His eyes flash with anger, pain, and he gazes right back at Taeho, "The things you put Y/N through? For fifteen years? All the bullying and harassment? For your own sick pleasure and delusional need to hurt her and tear us apart?" Taeho's expression falls to a mix between repulsion and anxiety.
"She didn't deserve a single drop of cruelty you subjected her to," Jongho narrows his eyes, drawing himself to full height and, now, he is towering over his half brother. Jongho looms over the older, more intimidating, a steely edge to his words. "You think it's okay for you to hurt her in this manner, treat her as your own plaything just because she was married to you? Because she couldn't give you children?" He snorts, shaking his head, lip curled, disgusted.
"Have you ever thought about why you couldn't father your own children, Taeho?" you speak, glancing up at Jongho before facing him, "You always blamed me for being barren and not being able to get you what you wanted. You put me on constant fertility pills, IVF, all kinds of medications. You isolated me from everyone until I was vulnerable enough for you to just strut around, fucking other women left, right, and center."
"Despite all your whoring, none of them conceived either, now did they? Did you ever wonder why I ended up pregnant when we haven't slept in the same bed for years? How I had two healthy babies with Jongho?" You click your tongue, shaking your head once again and biting the inside of your cheek.
"Two? Pft," Taeho waves his hands dismissively, snarling.
"Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you about my daughter," you muse airily and an almost crazy-like grin begins pulling at the corner of your lips. "Oops! Must've slipped my mind for a bit." Your smirk is wide. Sharp. Twisting your expression. "I hid my own daughter for weeks, fearing that you'd somehow be able to rip her from my arms too. I hate you. I fucking hate you, Taeho! I always hated you."
Jongho flicks a glance at your side, brushing his fingers against the small of your back, causing you to relax, calm and settled. "Darling, enough... Just calm yourself down, please." And you take in deep breath after deep breath, easing and steadying your nerves.
Taeho watches the brief exchange. Something about that sparks a greater wrath, greater ire and resentment. Taeho has half the mind to grab hold of his fist and hurl it into his half brother's face. His gaze drifts downwards, body rigid, jaw locking.
"Now the problem remains," your father remarks, scanning Taeho and raising a brow. "Should I have you thrown into jail or should you come quietly? Save yourself the pain and humiliation of having to drag all of this to the media."
There is the briefest, a millisecond pause. Nothing registers, yet everything happens at once. One second Taeho is standing still, as though petrified in space and the next, in one swift move, he is reaching behind, hand clasped around something thin and metal. In the distance, someone, you can't tell who, is shouting for him to stop and all of a sudden, there is the harsh sound of the gun going off, a blast ringing and deafening your ears.
Weeks go by and slowly, you are settling back into routine.
After Taeho had attempted to injure or even worse, kill anyone there and managed to flee the scene, he ended up jumping off a cliffside. A suicide, the officials had claimed. The search teams managed to retrieve the body in several weeks and an autopsy report showed the cause of death as severe head trauma from his fall off.
The police and the media had gotten wind of the ordeal, swarming your front yard, bombarding you with questions and wanting you to say something, anything, about the situation. Your parents stepped forward, a hand laid flat against the lower part of the microphone and assured that you will have a press conference at a later date.
Once it was confirmed that your husband has been legally declared as deceased, his estate, business and remaining finances were willed over to Jongho as the last living relative of Taeho, making him the new president of his company. A heavy, massive responsibility, to which Jongho, without any reluctance, had gladly accepted.
You and your family finally release a statement, answering every question they ask and shedding light to a lot of truths, clearing any doubt that may still be left. The press was having a field day when they found about Jongho's birthright, how the two of you fell in love despite the complications and kept your babies safe and out of reach, hidden from your abusive husband, Taeho. It was not an ideal way to start, and even now, it hasn't completely settled down, but, it is a step forward nonetheless, and one that has already shown some improvement.
Now, your company has been relocated and expanded and everyone is settled back in. Jongho had opted for a new apartment, one that had bigger spaces, to which you readily agreed and have been getting things arranged, making room for each and everyone, decorating and arranging, throwing out and purchasing new furniture. You were finally able to reunite with your baby girl Jieun as well and life is progressively growing more and more fruitful with every passing day, all with the twins and Jongho by your side.
When your parents asked when you and Jongho would have a wedding, both of you confessed that you hadn't had the time nor did you wish for such an extravagant affair. But, if your parents wanted a small ceremony, you had told them, just for immediate family, you were fine with that. So, in due time, Jongho asked you to marry him, you said yes and before you knew it, a nice, casual, low-key wedding was prepared in your family home's backyard, inviting the most intimate circle of people; only family and a handful of friends.
And now you are walking down the hall to see the father of your two kids and your husband at his brand new desk and working tirelessly, like a proper boss would. The thought draws an affectionate grin out of you, footsteps light and quickening in speed the nearer you get. Jongho has been immersed in his work, arranging projects, reassigning duties, meetings, all sorts of things and when the knock comes at his office door, he barely pays any mind to it.
"I take it you haven't found a replacement yet, President Choi."
He lets out a small smile when he looks up upon hearing your voice. "I can't seem to find anyone competent enough," he laughs at your pointed stare and rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed.
"And it's only been a week," you chuckle and place Jieun and Jongseok's carrier against his mahogany desk before coming around to the other side and embracing him from behind, planting a tender kiss at the small of his back.
"Did I not choose the right people?" his eyes squint shut and a blissful expression passes over him, cheeks a flushed rosy hue, dimples dipping.
You release him with a warm smile, draping your arms around him and bringing your palms across his chest and leaning on him. "You did...don't worry," and he hums in agreement.
"And as a bonus," your eyes linger on his and then your mouth follows his to touch lightly, gently, so sweet and soft that Jongho's smile crumbles at the feeling, "the new president of this company also gets free babysitting services!" and he laughs wholeheartedly, pressing a fluttering kiss at the apple of your cheek.
"I might be a little bit bias since I'm married to her, but," he steals another chaste smooch and his lips finally connect with yours and your breath hitches, pulling away with a deep sigh, "my wife is, honestly and truly, the best. A damn good babysitter."
You look up, smiling, sighing softly and cupping his face. "Just a babysitter?" you mutter coyly, thumb running circles against his flushed cheek. "Is there nothing more than just a plain babysitter, to the amazing, talented, smart, and handsome company president?"
His eyelashes lower and he nudges his nose at yours, his breaths puffing out and warming you completely. "Hmm... she is a good mother too. Although..." Jongho taps his chin, grinning and leaning into you even more, wrapping an arm around you and nuzzling you, kissing along your brow, your cheeks, everywhere he could reach. You laugh quietly, flustered and taken aback at his boldness. "She should keep her hands to herself in the middle of the night."
"Mm," you lean into him, dragging your fingertips across his abdomen, and smirk up at him, a look filled with longing, lust, desire and admiration. "But you like it."
"But I like it," he admits, wrapping a strong arm around you, pulling you up and peppering kisses on your nose, your cheeks, your jaw. He moves close to whisper against your mouth. His lips press slow, firm to yours, the caress languorous, a silent promise. "How's moving into the new place going, anyway? Any problems?"
"Not at all," you lean back into the curve of his broad chest, exhaling long and slowly and listening to the soft rustles of Jongho's touches, lulling you further and further away. "Your assistant is a gem and is incredibly efficient."
"Yes, he is," Jongho agrees. The corner of his mouth tugs downwards, humming slightly, holding you close and caressing the small of your back in soothing motions. "It's a pity Yeongtae declined his position, though. It would have made a lot of things so much easier."
"Yeongtae is at a firm that is putting his skills to good use. After having a glimpse of it, he wasn't sure he'd fit well within those corporate walls, he says," you elaborate and tap a finger to his shoulder.
"He could have been in charge of the legal team here," Jongho heaves a dejected sigh.
"It's not so bad," you smile and lift his downtrodden spirits, a finger trailing a line from the ridge of his cheek, then the corner of his plump lips. He looks like an adorable, grumpy cat, brows puckering at your lighthearted laughter. "At least I won't have to hear Soojin complain about you being his boss."
Jongho returns a toothy grin and his dimples show, kissing the top of your head. "This, at the very least is true. Small blessings," and the two of you join into a breathless giggle.
You stay, embraced in the comforting warmth of your lover, watching Jieun and Jongseok both continue napping peacefully, deeply in their slumber. Jongho places a chaste, loving smooch upon your forehead and you crane your head toward his, leaning and pushing up with your tiptoes to touch his lips with yours once more, two times. Three times.
"I love you, Jongho. Very, very much."
"I love you even more."
And the two of you exchange a string of chaste pecks, coy smiles and giddiness bursting, bubbling deep in your throats.
For better or for worse, you, him and your children are happy now. Together. That's the way it should have been from the start, you think, heart and soul soaring, fulfilled, satisfied, content, knowing that, no matter what the future has in store, you will be okay. More than just fine. And the man you've fallen in love with, the person who captured your heart is right here, loving you in return and will catch you when you fall.
SUMMARY | High Priest Joshua has fallen to darkness, secretly plotting with a dark mage while maintaining a holy front. But his obsession with you, the Saintess blessed to purify the land, could unravel everything or bind your fate to his.
PAIRINGS | High Priest!Joshua x Saintess!Reader
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+, Any Minors and Ageless Blogs will be blocked
GENRE | angst, drama, smut, fantasy au
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, fantasy themes, dark themes, fantasy religious themes, dark creatures, purifying lands and lakes, healing people, joshua has a slight obsession with reader, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks!), outdoor sex, fingering, skin marking, lots of kissing, breast play, riding, multiple positions, praying (during sex lol), creampies,
AUTHOR’S NOTE | Hello folks! It is finally out! Thank you to all the folks that showed the teaser much interest and love. Here’s the 1st fic of my SVT fantasy series~ I did change some things from the teaser. Instead of high bishop, I changed it to high priest since it just made more since lolol. This isn’t the end for this couple lol. You’ll be hearing about them and they’ll make appearances in other fics since all 13 fics tie together.
This is the first time that I’ve written something that’s somewhat blasphemous and sacreligious lol. I give props to the writers that can do it (ya’ll know who you are) and I hope this turns out good. I recently read an isekai webtoon about a Saintess and her affairs with men so I was kinda, somewhat inspired by that as well lol. Happy reading and I hope you all like it.
Seventeen Masterlist
"Prayers to the great Goddess as she blesses you all in good health," the High Priest greeted the growing congregation inside the stone sanctuary. "The light shines over our humble kingdom as her eyes stare at the sinners, guiding their steps to redemption, may we be spared of misfortune and..." He looked at the royal banners and said with an almost sardonic smile. "Imbalance, oh Holy Kingdom."
Joshua Hong looked down at the congregation of the devout on the lower levels. There were nobleman dressed in splendid capes, soldiers of the banner regiments lined up row on row, merchants who frequented with the Temple every day to plead and prostrate and last but not the least, the common people. All eyes glinted with a mixture of love, worship and a pinch of fear when looking up at the High Priest.
"This evening, I wish to touch upon the true nature of sin..." He started his speech as he always had, reciting the texts written by the ancients and preaching them for all to hear. He spoke in an eloquent, persuading voice that could touch even the coldest heart. He used it as a tool, to carry out his own agenda while lulling all men and women under the belief that he was truly preaching the words of the Goddess Luna herself. "For to fight off this wickedness, it begins with acknowledging your own darkness that lives within you!"
Little did people know of the darkness that consume him as well. His entire childhood, all he knew was being passed on like an object from master to master. His heart had closed shut, too traumatized with the life he had lived so far. All it knew, was hatred and cold-blooded violence. He wanted to be free of this chain that bound him and never cared about anything or anyone else. All men, all women and children were the same.
A waste of time.
Nothing but filthy humans that deserved nothing but to have their lives ripped away. It didn't take him long to know what kind of power he possessed, one that wasn't gifted but rather, bestowed by the Heavens. Being able to read and interpret the divine scriptures at such a young age, his talents were something nobody could overlook. His mastery of magic and wisdom exceeded even his teachers.
What made him truly outstanding however, was his unique ability to command and lead the faithful masses. That in itself was a power no lesser than any king that sat upon the thrones of the kingdoms. With him at its forefront, the Temple of Luna gained political influence that matched the kings, allowing him the ability to twist it to his own gains.
Joshua knew however, that this was still far from what his heart sought for. All these were mere stepping stones in the process towards attaining that power. All his hard work to get as far as the High Priest was well worth its weight in gold, for his goal lay further above where he currently stood.
What better position can there be besides to sit in the seat of the most powerful?
To be able to step into a world where only he reigned?
To watch all living creatures crawl and tremble in fear under his feet?
And finally, to be worshipped and feared for not being a man... but an Almighty GOD.
Finishing up the last of his sermon, he watched as the first few were walking out of the temple after giving their generous tithe. Giving the two acolytes behind his robes an approving nod, he heard their rapid footsteps towards the exits as well, tasked to accompany and guide those to donate their valuable gifts to their pious Goddess.
Taking a sip of water, he swept his eyes across the now empty temple and noticed a woman kneeling before the altar. Looking down upon her, she appeared to be a young lady who came alone to pray and lit three prayer candles. He couldn't help but watch her, captivated by the graceful curve of her body as her shoulders swayed softly back and forth. Even her voice, as it whispered her earnest prayers, seemed angelic.
He shouldn't have been distracted in the slightest by her, for there were matters that required his attention back in his study. He was a man of faith, people often discussed him as such, and shouldn't be concerned about worldly needs. Oh, but they didn't know, did they? That all this pious image he built over the years, was a mere ruse. For him, that girl, would just be yet another broken and twisted thing beneath his feet. He couldn't control his own desires, how much more for others who claimed themselves wise?
There was no question that she was an extremely attractive female and her youthful body did indeed stir up the dark desires he'd harboured deep in the bottom of his cold heart. Oh, how he wanted to corrupt and take her.
Placing his goblet upon a marble table, Joshua descended from the podium. He took note of his acolytes ushering the final group of congregation towards the door and left without looking back. They never failed him anyway. Walking closer towards the lone figure in the middle of the temple hall, he made sure his steps weren't heard so she could finish up her devotion and leave, relieving him of her alluring presence.
But as he approached and his eyes focused solely on her back, his blood ran cold, and he froze. Her aura didn't resonate that of a simple girl. She was brimming with a strong divine power, something so sharp and thick it would send most lesser men trembling before her.
"Oh, I'm sorry for being the last to leave! You must be exhausted from the long day..." Her voice drifted up as she got up on her knees and turned towards his direction.
Immediately, Joshua straightened himself, for fear that if he was caught staring too intensely she might suspect him. Feigning a surprised face, he held a hand to his chest and exhaled loudly.
"Goodness, child, forgive my rude actions. You're quite the quiet one," Joshua laughed nervously and said. "But not at all. It's a blessing that you continue to have such passionate prayers."
"Indeed, I'm sorry for surprising you like this!" she apologized once more as she hurriedly got up on her two feet. "Praise be our merciful Luna, I've come here hoping to express my gratitude that the Kingdom is saved from the malice that had befallen us."
Joshua was very perceptive towards every individual and could tell almost immediately that something was amiss about that child. He could tell just by looking that she wasn't a villager and certainly was someone important, judging by the intricate design of her attire. He could be wrong of course but why did something about her not ring true. Her pretty face betrayed no secrets.
Ah. He knew exactly who she was.
The Saintess. The last pure saint in the Kingdom, the Saviour herself. What a surprise.
His curiosity and suspicion rose further, which was something he needed to put an end to immediately.
"Thank you for all your deeds in the name of the Holy Kingdom. May the light of our blessed Goddess shine upon you forever," he chanted the traditional line used to bid adieu, yet his eyes weren't averted away.
She answered him with a wide smile and took her time before saying. "Thank you, Your Holiness. I am relieved that there are no signs of any monsters left. How fortunate we are. Also... are you unwell?" she asked, tilting her head and looking concerned.
His brows knit together and immediately straightened up, thinking that perhaps he's too obvious in revealing his strange behavior towards her.
"I assure you, I'm fine. Tired, perhaps. Not as young as you think. The temple isn't an easy place to run," he chuckled in a casual manner, hoping that will brush her off and forget the matter entirely. "My, and I haven't asked for your name?"
"My apologies!" She gasped and lowered her eyes, "I am Y/N, Your Holiness."
Ah, Y/N. Didn't the Knight-Commander, Choi Seungcheol, have a sister with that very same name?
"Very well, Lady Y/N." A smirk appeared on Joshua's handsome visage, before changing the expression and making an apology. "Forgive my inability to converse normally today. I'm feeling a little bit tired from all that happened recently," he explained and flashed an innocent grin.
Y/N let out a soft 'oh!' and then bowed quickly. "Of course! It's understandable. I won't bother you any longer, Your Holiness. May we meet again during good health and times. Please accept my best wishes and-"
Her sentence was cut short by a gentle clearing of his throat and he gestured, "No need. I wish you a pleasant night."
With a bright smile, she bowed before turning away, her footsteps echoing in the silent and cold interior of the temple. Joshua Hong could barely contain the triumphant smirk threatening to spill upon his mouth, knowing that despite the fact that he would like very much for that lovely girl to turn back, that couldn't happen until he fulfilled his own selfish agenda.
From now on, her fate was in his very hands.
As soon as the temple doors closed behind you, you let out a scoff of annoyance. To say that you felt discomfort in the presence of the High Priest would be a major understatement. Perhaps because he seemed to recognize you, his stare was the least of your problems. He radiated an intense aura, cold, violent and dreadful that made goosebumps erupt along your arms.
How could a Priest possibly have such terrifying vibe?
Not that it wasn't supposed to be the case but something told you, he wasn't to be trifled with. When he feigned being kind to you, it made your skin crawl with discomfort, sending you a chill down the back and you couldn't stop rubbing your arms to make the goosebumps go away.
You hated the fact that you were the Saintess. Often times, you found yourself wishing that you were never the chosen one for the position, seeing as you weren't as pious as they all thought you would be. Sure your brother was Choi Seungcheol, the Knight Commander and captain of the Serenity Knights, but being constantly on the spotlight was something you just couldn't avoid. It didn't matter if it wasn't a celebration or ball or award ceremonies, people's eyes were always watching, taking note of everything you've done as the esteemed Saintess.
All you wanted was sleep right now.
Feeling a heavy sigh escape your lips, you forced the Priest out of your mind for the time-being as you ventured into the path leading out of the Royal Square, thinking that a cup of tea should help in soothing your nerves before heading home. Perhaps if it wasn't so late and chilly out, you'd appreciate the city more at this hour.
Unlike earlier during the ceremony, the Royal Square was virtually silent, illuminated by the large standing torches burning in their bronze bases along the pathway. Your knights trailed close behind you but not too close, letting you walk in your own leisure, your dress shimmering slightly under the warm hues from the lights as your legs carried you slowly.
Everything was just so quiet. You wanted the peace to engulf you, let it soothe your body and take away the tiredness from this day. Tomorrow would mark a whole new week and the preparations had started but, of course, everything was taken care of. You would be making your rounds again in the local villages with the knights and provide food, clothing and healing. It was an obligation you did ever since your healing powers were awakened by the Goddess Luna a year ago and made you her Saintess.
You didn't even know why she chose you. You weren't as innocent and pious as many of the populace saw you, in fact, you were as normal a person as anyone. Perhaps more depraved and sinful compared to most women out there but nonetheless a good soul. But maybe, the reason was more than just that, like... destiny and predetermination. A scripted fate as the storybook said, perhaps.
Having such strong, healing powers would bring many advantages to an entire Kingdom like Carat. With such divine powers comparable to the High Priest and the Grand Mage, Wen Junhui, you would be invaluable to the Kingdom. Of course, there are others with similar powers as yours. The Ducal House of Xu, though not of high magical capacity, did possess skills with the swordsmanship comparable to that of the knights, making them skilled combatants as well.
Before long, you've entered the Royal Plaza, its magnificently towering water fountain was filled with several copper coins people wished to donate for the blessing of the Goddess, with you acting as her oracle and her servant. This was a common site, really, but a sight worth appreciating for all your effort for the past year. The beauty of this country, its lush lands and green environment, its prosperity was a source of pride for everyone in the Kingdom of Carat and what you would protect until the end.
Once you've arrived in the street where the restaurant and cafe are, you smiled to yourself, pleased. Several passerbys nodded at you in respectful reverence. Most had stopped on their tracks when they realized who you were. Uncomfortable as it was, you still smiled and acknowledged each and every single person that did so and returned the greeting with a sincere smile. Your knights had paused around you and let you converse with the townsfolk before standing closely to you after.
After a while, you decided it was time to head home, your energy was drained and all you wanted was a hot bath and your bed. You'll get to have the afternoon to sleep in but you had to get through breakfast, of course, first.
It was getting late, the moon was up, the sky darkened. The lanterns have been lit and the lights shone over the city. On most nights, you would see that there was some entertainment happening; performers or minstrels on the main streets; people and families gathered around taverns to hear stories of old heroes and how life was a year ago. Some of the establishments like the bakery and the grocers would have open air set-up but since everyone were still afraid of the monster attacks, the people were instead scattered, only a few visitors along the street.
That was until you've heard someone scream, and then everyone started panicking.
"Lady Y/N! Stay put!" a knight yelled and drew his sword, followed by his brethren. "Get behind us! Lady Y/N!!"
Something dark was in the middle of the street. That wasn't normal at all. Its very presence seemed to radiate darkness and sinister intent. Even from a distance, you felt a chill up your spine and could almost hear its growl and the threat of danger. The knights shielded you, leaving a gap to let you observe the beast that appeared before you.
What in the world...?
It looked like an enormous, wolf-like beast, standing as high as three feet. Its fur was a pitch black, mane dark blue. Its teeth protruding out of its sharp mouth glinted under the moonlight. Its eyes stared at you. There was a mischievous glint in its yellow eyes, full of malice. And hunger. It was starving and it set its sight on you.
The knights didn't hesitate and immediately, the six of them charged. Swords raised. Some men charged forward and attacked from the left side, others flanked from the front.
Just like with the creatures, however, their weapons merely bounced against the skin, doing no damage as the creature barrelled over the knights and almost pushed them over. It charged towards you, snarling with its razor sharp teeth.
"My lady!" The knights shouted but the deafening roar of the monster seemed to be drowning their cries. One thing was for certain. You didn't want to die, not yet. There were so many things that you still haven't finished yet!
"Shhhh... I got you," a calm, silky voice soothed in your ear as a hand stroked your hair. For a moment, it seemed familiar. "Hush, you have nothing to worry about."
Before you had the chance to think or process, the large furry body of the creature flew towards you but crashed straight into a blinding white light instead, vanishing right into the air with a soft pop.
The knights paused in their actions. You froze. Everyone's eyes grew large as the creature disappeared into thin air with only the stench of sulphur filling the streets.
"Lady Y/N!! Are you hurt?!" the captain of the knights screamed, and reached for you, hands wrapping around you firmly as his large fingers inspected you carefully. You only let out a slow sigh once it dawned on you. The man with the calm and deep voice, stroking your hair, was... none other than the High Priest, Joshua Hong.
And when you eyes met his, you fainted in his arms.
"Thank you for saving my sister, Your Holiness."
You let out a small groan as you heard your brother's deep voice. Slowly, you opened your eyes and realized that you're lying on your bed.
Seungcheol rushed towards the couch and knelt beside you. "Don't strain yourself, Y/N."
"What happened?" you whispered, wincing at how sore your body felt.
"That damn thing appeared suddenly!" One of the knights explained, wringing his hands together. "There's been no sign of such vicious beasts nearby. And for it to show up in the capital, without a reason..." he stopped himself, before looking apologetic and dropped his head.
"That creature, it vanished," you mumbled in disbelief. "As soon as the High Priest appeared."
Seungcheol gave you an affirming nod and then his attention turned towards Joshua, who was watching you from the side, arms crossed over his chest.
"Well, that's not an ordinary wolf," the High Priest finally spoke and strode towards you. Seungcheol got up to his feet and moved aside to give Joshua space and allow him to have a proper view. "I felt a dark presence and as soon as I heard the screams, I ran out of the temple immediately." He shook his head slowly, an air of frustration about his handsome features.
You gulped, suddenly conscious that Joshua was there. Your eyes traveled to the rest of the knights in the room, the looks on their faces worried, confused and relieved all at the same time.
"If His Holiness did not show up, you would have been gone, my lady," one of the knights spoke up.
"We've failed you, Lady Y/N!"
"It is not your fault," you replied and then shifted your gaze towards the High Priest. "We couldn't have known that a monster such as this would appear."
"It shouldn't be wandering this close to the city," Seungcheol started, pacing in front of your bed. "Duke Xu would have informed us of the unusual happenings."
"Just what is this all about...?" you asked quietly, staring down at the back of your trembling palms.
Joshua suddenly leaned over and wrapped his warm, long fingers around your wrist gently. You didn't have time to move away and stare as his brows furrowed while studying your arm carefully. "As the Saintess, you're important to the people. But with powers like these, you're a prize for those that thrive in the dark. It would be in your best interest to stay at the temple while we investigate further. For your safety," he murmured calmly.
You're not sure why you couldn't speak up and refute his statement, as much as your brain was telling you that something was off. It was highly unusual for him to arrive so suddenly after hearing the commotion.
And this... this was not good.
You had a really bad feeling about this.
"Indeed," Seungcheol's reply made the knot in your gut twist further, "you'll need protection. If it's alright with you, I would prefer to post three of my best knights by your side."
Joshua released your arm and shook his head. "No need. The templars will be guarding the premises around the temple."
"It would be in order if our men assist and report back should any suspicious activities happen, Your Holiness," Seungcheol answered politely but the way his hands balled into a tight fist showed his disapproval of the Priest.
The exchange continued back and forth, your mind wandering elsewhere as you contemplated what to say next to avoid this ridiculous exchange of power. Your brother was strong, he was the Knight-Commander after all, and had immense power and authority second after the King and the Crown Prince. However, with him being in such a high position, he also had an enemy in the form of the High Priest, despite being a spiritual head of a religion.
Joshua Hong. Just what sort of person was he really? He exuded such a strange energy around him but with a face and an appearance that almost seems too kind and angelic, it would be easy to believe he would not do wrong. Even his voice, as smooth as his gentle manners and handsome features were, also had such a soothing timbre that one couldn't help but trust him entirely.
But was everything all an act?
From your recent exchange in the Temple, the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach refused to be ignored. And even the presence of the demon beast bothered you deeply. Perhaps there's a connection to this monster appearing here in the royal capital.
With a slight, aching pain as you moved your upper limbs to ease your muscles, you placed a palm on Seungcheol's shoulder to stop the heated debate and turned to Joshua with a grimace.
"I understand your concern, your holiness. But I would feel at ease if I had my trusted knights watching me in close vicinity," you started, your voice coming out as small and weak. "If it's alright with you, a middle ground can still be decided."
Joshua studied your face and gave a minute nod. "Of course, you can come and go as you please in the holy temple, and your guards are allowed to be present with you. They must adhere to the temple rules, however. Please choose knights that have been disciplined and wise in their ways to conduct," he replied, albeit with a hint of displeasure.
Satisfied that he agreed to a truce, Seungcheol shot you a grateful smile and told his knights to set up and arrange your things. "And please be more careful, sister. Rest for now and I'll escort you later," he instructed. "His Holiness and I shall attend to urgent matters."
You felt the High Priest's gaze still on you even after the men in the room have filtered out, his presence unnerving you more than anything you've experienced before.
"Sleep well, my lady. We will see each other later when the sun is up." With a smile that sent an uncanny chill down your spine, Joshua Hong turned around and left the room, closing the door gently behind him.
You shuddered and buried yourself back inside the blankets, not quite ready to move just yet. As you listened to the noise beyond your door and walls, it grew muted and far away, and you struggled to keep your eyelids open as exhaustion won, the nightmares taking control.
Skin brushed against yours, slick and damp with desire. The smell was familiar but faint, only the scent of desire and arousal remaining. Hands, hot and soft, running down your sides and tracing the outline of your figure as lips pressed gently onto yours.
His kisses were almost feather-light. His lips brushed yours, teasing, then traced the contours of your neck. His tongue snaked out to taste the moisture on your skin, and he flicked it gently against your ear. A whimper escaped your lips, a noise filled with longing for the ecstasy only he could bring you.
For a dream, it felt incredibly real and sensual.
Who was this mystery man? All you felt were his kisses on your skin, trailing down the length of your neck. Soft moans came from your throat and echoed in the vast expanse of nothingness in the void you were in, which only seemed to fuel his desire even further as he proceeded to grab a breast and cupped it gently, a thumb moving circles around the nipple.
When you turn to look at his face, however, it was as if you could not see at all. Or more precisely, there were shadows obscuring his figure and his features. Who was it? Just whose hands were it that was groping your breasts, sending waves of electricity and jolts down your thighs that made your body shiver in delight?
You caught sight of a pendant swinging back and forth against his chest. It was a crescent moon. And it's brilliant, silver surface glittered even in this obscurity of a void of a dream.
And as the seconds ticked by, his touches felt more intense, fingers grazing your folds and sinking…
You woke with a startle, jolting up from the bed, sweat peppering your forehead. It was still the middle of the night and everything around you was dark save for a sliver of moonlight spilling in through your curtains. There were no sounds, no noises beyond the heavy pounding of your heart and the uneven huffs of your breathing.
"Calm down, Y/N. It was just a dream," you hissed under your breath, an attempt to soothe your nerves after the hauntingly vivid sensuality you experienced. A dream so intense, even now you could feel the stickiness between your thighs. Your nipples were erect and they were rubbing against the smooth silk of your nightgown as you rolled off the bed and headed for the window.
Just a nightmare, yes.
It had been a few days since you entered the temple grounds, the scenery no different from your own manor. Aside from the massive garden full of rare blooms, it was relatively quiet. Only a few female acolytes and elderly women were walking, doing their own prayers, kneeling in reverence towards the Goddess statue that stood proudly at the center. Everything was illuminated by the beautiful glow from the nightlights.
A knock broke the silence, your mind jerking back to reality. Who could be awake at this hour?
"Yes?" You replied and turned towards the entrance of the guest quarters.
The door opened, and Joshua strode in. Clad in simple white garments, his shirt slightly open, his collarbones peeked through. He looked ever so ethereal in the soft, pale light and it reminded you of a celestial being. It was an absolute sin for a priest to be this handsome.
His eyebrows rose, surprise written on his face as he glanced up and stared at you. Something flickered in his gaze.
You were only wearing a thin robe with an equally sheer, see-through gown underneath and the High Priest certainly had gotten a generous eyeful. "Your holiness! What- um-" you gulped, aware that his eyes trailed over your barely covered curves. A small smile ghosted his lips when you retreated, further, away from him and backed straight against the glass window.
Joshua raised an elegant hand, a sign for you to cease further speech. "I heard a scream so I came to make sure you were safe," he explained and paused before tilting his head and studying you intently. "Did you have a nightmare?"
You nodded, ashamed to tell him about the salacious details and bit your lip. A heat crept up your face and surely, it was going red as a tomato by this point. He did not need to know the explicit things you've dreamed about, even more so that they were vivid and felt real, even to you.
"Did something terrify you?" He asked again, his voice lowering into a gentle whisper, as if lulling you to sleep.
You tried not to tremble as the blush on your face reached your ears. "Ah, yes. Yes, I had a nightmare and... perhaps something happened that made it so real," you whispered, covering a hand over your lips. "I am fine. I apologize for bothering you."
"You did not trouble me," Joshua replied with a slow shake of his head, "Come. Let's get you back in bed and perhaps, I can chant a prayer to ease your mind and sleep."
Earnestly, you held back the urge to decline and force yourself to give a nod instead. You silently crawled onto the large bed, smoothing the sheets and laid flat against the silken mattress, suddenly, very aware of your heavy breathing and the sound of Joshua's footsteps following closely after.
After he finished reciting his prayer, you felt your body sink deeper into the plushness. Your breathing steadying and heart rate slowing to a normal pace, calm once more as the darkness of sleep beckoned.
And when he turned to leave, you caught a glimpse of the pendant around his neck swinging back and forth in a familiar fashion. A pendant that resembled a crescent moon.
Joshua had to stop himself before he loses control.
Earlier, when he arrived at your sleeping quarters and saw how undressed you were, wearing a slip dress that clung so perfectly against your curvy body and oh... oh Goddess. The sweet view of your breasts bouncing, your taut nipples showing through the sheer fabric, was making his arousal throb.
Just who had you been dreaming about, dear Saintess? Was it him perhaps? How sinful.
He chuckled and closed his eyes to clear his mind as he began walking towards his chambers.
He knew setting that Dark Creature loose in the city was an effective enough plan to lure the woman into his den, and having her live in the temple meant having her and her powers completely at his command. Once she was within his vicinity, it meant having her under his thrall and thus his complete control. And with no one suspecting that a highly influential priest of the Luna religion, as powerful and holy as Joshua was, had sinned and turned into a wicked entity, no one could thwart his plan.
Yes, this was certainly going well.
One step closer, the promise of gaining immense power to establish an order that suited his needs, of gathering followers that could make the dream reality, and the promise of riches he desired so much...
They would pay, and he will claim what should rightfully be his. The weak king, the foolhardy prince, and his damnable Knight-Commander who had been standing in the way for so long.
"Really? The Saintess is here?" a voice rang out from a corner of his chamber.
"Do you have a problem with that, Jihoon?" Joshua turned and scoffed at the dark mage that appeared out of the shadows, a tiny smirk playing on his lips.
"She won't cause any problems will she?"
"Why would she? She's just another woman," Joshua snapped back in irritation.
"A woman that you want to have all to yourself. Interesting indeed," Jihoon commented. "Careful now, your holiness. If her brother, the Knight-Commander, catches wind of anything happening to his sister, he wouldn't hesitate and retaliate."
Joshua clicked his tongue and waved a dismissive hand, striding towards his desk. "Seungcheol will be occupied soon. I heard that there's a foreign princess due to arrive soon for a political marriage."
"Ah, is that so...?" Jihoon commented, interested now. "Will a political marriage not cause an uproar?"
"It doesn't concern me as long as it diverts the King and the Knight Commander's focus on my affairs and takes their guard down," Joshua replied, turning around. "As long as the Saintess's power hasn't fully awakened, I have plenty of time."
"And if you fall for her? What will you do then?" the mage teased, raising his brow.
"Never." The response came immediately with a hiss. "Nothing will keep me from having the power to destroy them all. Nothing."
"We'll see then," Jihoon grinned and slipped back into the darkness.
With an exasperated sigh, Joshua continued to arrange the scrolls and parchments on his desk and began studying each one carefully. A letter from one of his loyal supporters within the castle... a reply from a trader of rare goods and resources from beyond the mountains... some news about the Hero Mingyu and his adventures in the southern part of the Kingdom...
The woman, though. She's the only piece of the puzzle he's yet to figure out. He shook his head at the thought of her writhing beneath his large palms, mewling under him with the moonlight, or her bending over the altar for her holy blessing...
No, not now. Later perhaps, when the time is right, she shall be mine.
But not now...
He poured himself another glass of wine and gulped a generous sip.
There was still a long night ahead. And his job as High Priest required him to look like a shining paragon and someone worthy of trust and devotion. A difficult task especially when there's a far larger agenda to accomplish.
He still has to feign his loyalty to the church of the Goddess, to his followers and everyone around him who still worshipped the idea of an angelic man who showed no other signs but true goodness, loyalty and virtue.
An image and persona that he had meticulously honed and carefully maintained... all a mere facade for his actual plans.
Patience was crucial, he knew.
He needed patience now more than ever, as he gazed out the window towards the sky, the twinkling of the stars and the bright moon guiding his next moves in this chess game against the knights and the royal family.
Soon. Soon he'll have everything.
...Right after he makes the Saintess succumb and be his.
The sun rose the next morning and despite not waking up due to any other nightmares or terrifying dreams, you felt more energized and alert than ever, so early in the morning.
Since your arrival, Joshua was constantly busy with work, only visiting you at your quarters and escorting you personally if he can, or when there were audiences for certain occasions where a spiritual presence was necessary. Other than that, it was mostly his subordinates, the Sisters and the Acolytes, that attended to your needs during your stay at the holy temple.
Today however, was different.
You were seated inside a room, decorated sparsely but quite clean and spacious. An empty bookshelf, a desk with various papers and trinkets stacked on top, a simple couch by the window, and the hardwood floor beneath your shoes, which made little to no noise as you paced and waited.
"Apologies, we took some time," Joshua appeared, entering the room with two acolytes trailing behind him, one carrying a set of papers, while the other wheeled in a small cart filled with tea and snacks.
You gave him a polite smile as you sat and returned your attention towards the young acolytes once they set up everything on the table, pouring you a cup of freshly made tea.
"Please, no need for formality, your holiness," you uttered and returned the cup after giving it a careful sip and nodding to them in approval. The tea, rich and flavorful, slid easily down your throat and was quite soothing to your body. "I am already indebted to the Temple and you are such an accommodating host for having taken me in."
"As I said, it's all for the safety of our Saintess," Joshua spoke softly, flashing you a kind smile and proceeded to set his stack of documents to the side of the table. Dismissing the other two, he patiently waited and folded his hands together on the surface.
You were surprised at how good looking he looked today. Even with the usual dark robes he was always wearing, his ebony-black hair, his handsome features, his sharp, hawk-like gaze; it was always like looking at a heavenly angel, straight from the heavens that no mortal would ever have the luxury to see or get a taste of.
You notice the crescent shaped pendant hanging over his chest, which glinted from the early morning rays of light spilling in through the window. The same object from your dream, it seemed, though that could mean absolutely nothing as well. You had seen people in the city who wore necklaces or brooches that had moon motifs attached to it.
Perhaps the design, or the shape of it, was already making you draw the connection to the odd encounter from your sleep. Yes, that could be it.
"Are you not worried?" The sound of his voice broke your reverie and made you jump.
"About?" You managed a reply, settling your now cold tea down.
Joshua raised a curious brow, his face unreadable. "Everything that has transpired since your arrival here. We are yet to investigate the presence of the Dark Creature from days ago and its sudden appearance...and you don't seem to worry or even be concerned of the prospect that it was close to attacking you. Were you not scared?"
A pause.
You purse your lips and think of an appropriate answer, as your own eyes hardened with resolve. Yes, you were afraid. The Dark Creature had sent a deep, seething chill crawling down your spine as you came face to face with it. Your divine powers haven’t been awakened yet, and aside from the occasional healings and prayers, it has only remained dormant.
“Of course I was scared,” you finally replied, exhaling sharply. "I've yet to fully awaken my divine powers so fighting isn't something I'm skilled at doing, which also scares me more. I feel as if I failed as the Saintess for being unable to fight back."
"There's no need for haste," Joshua pointed out, leaning back onto his chair with a slight hum. "In due time, you will learn more about yourself. Be patient and know you aren't alone."
The faintest hint of a blush rose upon your cheeks, and you swallowed a lump in your throat. You lowered your gaze down to stare at the surface of the table instead, not wanting to see his intense, focused gaze, piercing and smoldering and turning you into a blithering mess.
"I understand, your holiness. Though I cannot help but feel worried that my lack of power would burden the kingdom and your safety as well."
The room fell silent and you lifted your chin only when you saw that Joshua had approached and kneeled before you. His gaze softened as a hand touched your cheek, fingertips grazing against your skin gently. The way his eyelids droop in a half lidded gaze sent another wave of heat between your legs.
"I am sure the Goddess would not have chosen you without reason. But, if you allow, I can protect and teach you the ways to wield your divine powers better. Not only do I have vast knowledge and knowledge on the scriptures but I, too, have unique gifts to share with you."
Unique gifts, as he said. What sort of unique abilities did this man possessed, you wondered as his thumb pressed onto the corner of your lip. Your mouth went dry and suddenly all that heat rushed to your ears and spread towards your face.
His scent was pleasant and masculine, a strong hint of sandalwood, lavender, and sweat. All so masculine and intoxicating. It should be criminal how you almost melt from his simple touch.
You unconsciously leaned forward towards his inviting warmth, giving the impression that you crave his skinship as your own body betraying every bit of modesty and purity you had left. His touch and his nearness were suffocating, almost too overwhelming for the mind to process.
When was the last time a man had caressed your cheek, held your hand or simply given you affection and even a bit of attention? It's been years since someone had touched you. No one would dare touch Duke Choi's sister unless they wanted an iron fist around their necks.
Even so... this is... this is...
"Thank you for understanding," Joshua interrupted and pulled back. He cleared his throat and shot you an innocent smile that held more danger than it did charm.
With a soft, airy chuckle, he stood and turned his back on you.
"Come to the back gardens later when the moon is high for a blessing," he murmured softly. "Preferably without your knights."
He then strode across the room and swung the door open, and in his wake, all that he left was an odd warmth from the contact of his skin and the subtle jarring silence.
The rest of the day passed without much trouble, and no one batted an eye as the Sister escorted you across the Temple grounds. Your knights were told that you would be taking a bath with the new medicinal herbs from the mountains and would be accompanied only by Sisters who had been trained in the act of cleansing rituals.
Afterwards, you changed into your plain, yet beautiful white robes and brushed out your damp, untangled tresses.
"Now that the sun has set, the High Priest is waiting in the back gardens so that he can properly perform the blessing for you, Saintess Y/N," the Sister announced when she and her assistants began filing out of the bathhouses, heading towards the exit. "Shall we?"
You blinked once, then twice, and proceeded to follow quietly behind her with a slight nod of assent, the heels of your shoes clacking along the polished flooring as the cool night breeze swept inside your quarters through an open window.
And there at the back garden stood the High Priest himself, dressed simply in casual attire, looking all relaxed as the moonlight gleamed from behind him, making him seem almost otherworldly. His slender hands were clasped together behind his back, and the scent of summer flowers drifted toward you as you drew closer to his figure.
No one was present. Not a single Sister was found around the gardens or even sitting on the bench under the moon-goddess, who looked on, solemnly and proudly, from her majestic spot, overlooking the area.
It was just you and him.
"Is there to be no one else for this blessing?" You asked, as your eyes trailed over the many night blooms that have emerged to life from the shadows and their vines that swayed ever so gently, dancing against the air.
"This blessing is for you and only you," Joshua explained as he stopped before the bench and beckoned you to come.
With a soft breath, you closed the distance between the two of you as well, ignoring the sudden hammering in your chest the moment you met his eyes. A shudder rippled down the length of your body from the intense scrutiny, making the hairs rise from the nape of your neck as it spread outward.
Joshua closed his eyes. You can practically hear his soft sigh of contentment, or was it delight, perhaps. The aroma of night jasmines mingled with roses, the scent surrounding the two of you was nothing short of erotic, despite the clear serene nature.
With your pulse rising with every beat, you watched, eyes flickering and trained on him closely. He inched closer and closer, slowly, gently, carefully placing his hand over your hair, before letting his fingers fall on your right ear.
It felt surreal as he took the simple gesture to let you hear his prayer in person, the sound of his silky soft murmuring making his voice as smooth and inviting as honey itself. Each word flowed like a sweet river of sweetness and his breathing, oh, his breathing. Every word uttered from those soft lips of his was pure poetry in itself.
For a moment, he was silent. You fought the urge to move away when he smoothed your tresses to a single shoulder and placed a featherlight kiss upon it. His lips and his breath were scorchingly hot against the skin of your shoulder, leaving traces of wet kisses until he stopped halfway on your back.
"Now that you're in my grasp," he spoke huskily, "you must surrender your heart, soul and body to me."
A faint gasp escaped your throat, as the memory of that dreadful, yet sensual encounter from the depths of your imagination returned, running over the scenes and feeling as if everything was being brought back to life once again.
"Surrender everything that you have and everything that you are," he spoke into your ear once again, with a deeper and even hushed tone than earlier. A firm, yet reassuring command. "Your sacred soul and power. Your desires, your devotion and passion, everything and anything..."
It was then when you felt his arms wrap around your waist and pull you against him. The sheer proximity made a stifled whimper, mixed with surprise and something you cannot even explain or name, escape your trembling lips.
"You had dreams of a man, am I not correct?" He questioned, his lips caressing your nape, still trailing butterfly kisses that ran goosebumps down the entirety of your body. "A man kissing your neck, cupping your breasts, rubbing his fingers against your soaked folds... a man who wore a crescent-shaped pendant like I do?"
"Howー" you managed a rasp, unsure if you heard him right as his soft laughter mingled with the sound of crickets chirping and rustling grass and wind in your ears.
"It is said that the full moon is sacred to the goddess of Luna. That its magic can bring about blessings and prosperity for many years to come," Joshua whispered in a seductive manner. "And so, she welcomes and bares her sacred body under the moon. She and her lovers become one. To consummate such a ritual, to make this dream become reality, the blessed needs only a lover and a source of magical power."
"And you want to be that lover?" You trembled with every passing word, trying your hardest not to look away or shift from his body pressing tightly against yours. "My source of magical power?"
"Willingly," he whispered, "if I were to be, would you welcome me with open arms?" Joshua was moving behind you, almost hovering, as you turned to look at him, his eyes dark with lust and a strange glint of hunger for something you could not fully decipher or comprehend.
"But how could you, a holy man, offer such a thing?" The words spilled out before you could control them. How was he going to become an 'active' participant in this ritual when his status and his holy status prevented him from any kind of acts, even when they were merely sacred practices.
Joshua's smile grew a little more and then chuckled lightly. "Because I'm not a holy man..." he lowered himself and tightened his hold onto your hips, his mouth poised, hot against your ear. "Not entirely..." he whispered the next words slowly and deliberately. "I am also known as a man who embraces the darker things in life, the kind who revels in sin. A man who enjoys every bit of forbidden passion and carnal pleasures... and I would give them willingly to you. All of it and much more."
You shuddered from the sincerity behind the promise and the utter conviction of it all.
"In return, I seek only a part of the divine powers which you possess, Lady Saintess," he continued, drawing you flush against the lean planes of his muscular build, his heated and wandering gaze piercing straight to your soul. "Allow me to take everything that you have, consume every fiber and morsel of your essence. Let us drown each other with ecstasy, where our powers will mix, bind and seal the bond of darkness and light. Isn't it a tempting idea?"
"That dark creature from days ago... were you the one behind it? How were you able to summon it?" You managed a tiny voice.
"If I answer you, my dear Saintess, would it change your perspective about me? Would it make you see me differently? A man with sin and virtue," Joshua tilted his head and the question, sincere and playful, danced from his lips, with a hint of amusement and anticipation. "I had planned this a long time ago, for so many years I yearn to take back what is mine," he confessed, tracing circles on your knuckles with a hand. "Once I saw you arrive at the temple with my own eyes and heard the sound of your voice for the first time, I knew I had to have you... to make you mine. And I would use any means to do so."
"What are you saying? Who... are you?"
"You shall learn later," Joshua gave you an indulgent smirk as he captured your hand, his eyes taking a lustful gaze as it dipped lower, fixing at your legs, towards the hem of your robes. "Perhaps then you'll truly understand... once we become one."
You grew more aware and awake with every touch from him, the blood coursing through your veins running hot. His arms snaked around your waist and brought you even closer into his chest, the press of his fingertips searing through your clothing and reaching towards your spine.
"What happens if..." You faltered, swallowing thickly at how fast and erratic your heart was beating as you glanced towards his sharp gaze and the smile adorning his handsome face. "If I say no to this?"
"It's your decision," he answered with another flash of teeth, flashing you a smile. "To join me in the union or walk away and pretend none of this ever occurred and continue living life the same way," the corners of his lips tugging upwards into a mischievous grin. "And I wouldn't judge you, of course. Though I fear the consequences may be a bit too grave, depending on what you choose to do."
Your brow twitched, while trying to figure out an alternative way. One option would be for the two of you to forgo the ritual but the dangers of not accomplishing it and possibly risk the future safety of the Kingdom... You may also choose to have this union, whatever it may mean, however dangerous or unknown the consequences could be.
There must be a reason why Joshua revealed this hidden side of himself to you. A man of both light and dark, with an affinity for wicked pleasures of the flesh. How odd that someone, whose image was that of the highest celibacy and devotion to the Church, would actually practice rituals of ancient moon magic, tainted and steeped in ancient eroticism and lust.
As if reading your mind, his expression softened to an innocent gaze and his smile was sincere and innocent, enough to make even the most holy woman faint. "I know that holy men cannot partake in worldly affairs or temptations but I don't care for such conventions or what society thinks of me. The darkness is a part of me, like a curse, and I accept it completely." He gazed down at your hand, gently intertwining and slipping his fingers between the gaps of your own. "Though I'm curious. Would you dare break the conventions as well, my dear Saintess? And invite this sort of...sacrilegious affair with me, a supposed holy man of the temple?"
Every bit of the image, his persona of a holy priest shattered. Shattered and reduced to the primal needs and hunger for the forbidden, and the dark aura and tendrils of energy which spiralled and danced around you, licking at your form as if enticing you.
His question, so sincere and dangerous and, if you were honest with yourself, beckoned to an instinct within your core that no mortal or spiritual woman had ever thought to experience or see.
You took another steadying breath and lifted your chin to meet his eyes. He's dangerous. Very, very dangerous. Your conscience, every ounce and speck of it screamed, whispered, warned you in so many ways not to take part of his madness. But... you wanted to protect everyone. From the shadows, from the monsters lurking. If this could save them, save them from the misery and endless battle, wasn't that the right thing to do?
"Will everyone be safe?" You murmured quietly. "If I accept, is everything guaranteed that my actions can prevent danger and evil forces from roaming in this place?"
He was quick to answer, a charming smile curling on his lips as he reached out to brush a lock of hair from the side of your face. His warmth radiated against yours as he breathed.
"Yes," he murmured in your ear. "No more nightmares. No more terrors. No more dark creatures. Just... peace. Prosperity. Harmony. Embraced by the safety of the light."
"Even if the light is darkened by the presence of a corrupted soul and power like yours?"
"Will you really stop me then?" Joshua pulled back to meet your gaze, his brow raising up with amusement. "My darkness exists in the same realm as your light. One could not be without the other. I've accepted my role as a corrupt soul, Y/N. And, after tonight, when the ritual has ended and consummated, you would know everything. Every secret of mine, every story. If I'm a bad man. If I'm a villain." He paused. "If I'm a hero and savior who chooses to embrace the darkness to slay those creatures that should not roam the world of men. All will be answered."
You locked eyes with the high Priest, shivering under his penetrating stare. At the surface, he seemed so pure. Good and innocent. An unblemished image of a holy man and yet here he was, inviting you, daring you to get a closer look at that mask and the darkness and turmoil underneath.
Afraid yet intrigued, and no matter how much you try, there was still a magnetic pull that kept pulling and yearning to learn more. Who was he behind this mask? Behind this face he portrayed in front of everyone? What exactly was he like? How did he survive with a darkness consuming him?
With every moment and second that passed, he felt more and more familiar. It was as if your paths had crossed before. Like destiny bound you two. An undeniable connection to Joshua. Perhaps, as an old flame and kindred spirit. Two people from two very different worlds who shouldn't even mingle in the first place.
It made you wonder, wonder and just let loose whatever reservations left inside you, giving into a more exciting thrill of possibilities.
"If..." you gulped and licked your dry, bottom lip and caught him doing the same. "If I go along with this, you wouldn't hurt or kill me right?"
"No," he murmured, pressing closer. "That, I can guarantee."
"Okay then,” your voice shook and your face was burning red. "Let's proceed with it then."
A flutter of a kiss pressed against the shell of your ear, hot breath drifting over the small hollow of your throat. His voice grew darker and richer, laced with something heavier than what he originally displayed to you. The timbre of it is almost unrecognizable.
"Are you absolutely sure, Y/N?" he asked, his lips featherlight against your skin, teasing, brushing, tugging a smile upon your own. "I will have no hesitation to claim you as mine. And, after we're finished with the ceremony, your divine powers will belong to me."
Your body and its yearning was a foreign sensation that even you have long forgotten. As if he was making you feel as if you haven't had sex since the dawn of time itself. He smelled of expensive, spicy perfume with a subtle hint of vanilla and soap. He smelled good, delicious and delectable even as you took in his scent. You closed your eyes. "Claim me then," your soft whisper drifted, just as the crescendo of his heartbeat thudded faster, slamming against his rib cage, a steady drumming in tandem.
It wasn't long until you found yourself straddling his thighs, the position both vulnerable and lewd as he seated you over his hardening length, the material of his pants no barrier as he sucked hard onto the crook of your neck and collarbone. "Good girl," he whispered, breathing ragged, nuzzling into the mess of locks upon your head. "Good fucking girl. Ohh you don't even know how badly I need a taste, to consume you like this. To devour, drink you in and leave a mark."
With a smooth motion of his hand, he carefully nudged aside a lock of hair and snaked the material of your robe down until one of your breasts bounced free from their confinement. Joshua leaned forward to swirl his wet tongue across the budding peak, his lips suckling onto your sensitive nipple until it stiffened into a pointed tip.
You groaned at the feel of his mouth around the hardened nub, the wet suction of his mouth enough to make your blood boil, skin flushed and suddenly too feverish as he continued to move his hips forward, up, up, up in a teasing rhythm, meeting the warmth and dampness between your trembling legs.
"Your Holiness..." You whimpered, shaking your head as he worked the peak of your breast, pulling and sucking and running his thumb over the tip. A breathless chuckle erupted, his palm caressing the curve of your ass to squeeze firmly.
"Joshua," his low, husky timbre was punctuated by the hot caress of his breath. "Tonight, just call me Joshua..."
"Joshua…" You muttered once and choked the next when his fingers sneaked beneath the gapping folds of your robe, and started working its way inside the fabric, quickly finding your clit, teasingly prodding at the bundle of nerves.
"My fingers have been itching to touch and sink into your pussy the entire day," Joshua said, sounding as if he were whispering in a sinful prayer. "Your wet, hot little cunt. Fuck," his thumb circled the bud a few times and finally, oh, it was finally granted mercy and relief when the pad pressed harder, rubbing and squeezing the hood and stimulating the bundle.
Your back arched beautifully when you cried out. Every nerve and fiber screamed and pulsed with pleasure and he hasn't even penetrated inside you, his fingers rubbing on you relentlessly, keeping up an even, fast pace, every stroke coaxing a mewl and wanton sound out of you. "My fingers feel so good, hmmm?" he hummed in his throaty timbre. "I don't care how we do this. My cock in this pretty mouth. Your tongue lathing every inch of my throbbing length. My face buried in your wet cunt. Maybe I could fuck you with my tongue. Hmm."
He paused for a short while. "Though, I would prefer using my thick cock," he husked, driving a finger deep into your passage until his knuckle reached inside, curling upwards. "Imagine my cock buried deep. Drenching the walls of your clenching pussy with my seed, watching it spill over."
He pulled his mouth away and pressed a series of warm kisses up the crook of your neck, pausing to lick and languidly taste. You trembled with every touch. Every caress and suck. The sheer way his tongue lapped, licked and his voice... Dear heavens. He was a fucking menace. The wet slide of his tongue circling around your nipple was downright erotic.
"Ah," you breathed, tilting your head up when he picked up the pace, the sound of your slick cunt squeezing around his thrusting, probing digit, filled the silent space of the gardens. "Don't..." you muttered, breathing growing erratic as his thumb toyed and pressed against your clit, pulsating, circling, giving you the greatest feeling. "Don't stop, please..." you found yourself panting, begging him, clutching tightly against his body as he slipped another finger and rubbed the tender spot inside you that drove you mad. "Don't stop..."
"Yes," Joshua growled. "Just like that..." His fingers made filthy noises, your arousal dripping out and making a mess upon the bench as he quickened his pace, shoving hard inside your walls and curling his digits, hitting that sweet bundle of nerves. "When was the last time a man touched you, Y/N?" he managed hoarsely, grunting, rutting his hardened length against you in need of sweet friction, sliding, gliding between the inner curve of your thighs.
You moan breathlessly as he stretches you further with the insertion of the third finger. The thrusts are rougher than before. Spread wide over his lap, the position leaving you nothing else but to brace your hands against his shoulders.
"When was the last time you had a woman, Joshua?" The question came out shaky, a mixture between a plea and moan as your clit throbbed harder from the sight of him watching you. There was a sheen layer of sweat starting to appear in droplets upon his forehead, and he was smirking, breathing just as heavy as yours.
"Since a long while," he said, grinning, reaching for the rim of his shirt to peel off his clothing, pulling his fingers free in a manner that left you to shudder and pout at the emptiness inside. You caught a glimpse of the lines and the grooves of the planes of his muscles, chiselled and lean, firm and taut. "I haven't had any woman who would entice me," he purred, "not until I've laid my eyes on you."
His mouth met yours. His tongue lapped the seam, tasted and explored. And soon you felt your fingers itch and weave through his raven hair. Moaning when his teeth nibbled at the edge of your lips. "You're not so innocent, are you my little Y/N? I answered your question so it's your turn to answer mine. Tell me. When was the last time?"
His tongue sought entrance as his hand wrapped around your nape and brought your lips flush against his own. Sweet and oh-so intoxicating. Tasting. Exploring the expanse of the curves and planes inside your mouth, thrusting, rolling.
You drew back with a moan of relief and, "Before I was proclaimed to be the chosen Saintess." You whimpered again, eyes blown with lust as you glanced at his flushed cheeks. "But it was only with one man I laid with. It was a brief fling, a hidden affair. It only happened once and that was a very long time ago."
He captured your lips again and dipped his tongue inside your parted ones, feeling the gentle glide against your teeth, coiling and swivelling. With one final swirl, the slick flesh retreated. Your hand moved up the sharp edge of his jaw and cupped the back of his neck, savouring the heat of his mouth.
He dragged his mouth away and leaned towards your ear, "Do you regret giving into carnal pleasure with him?" he asked in a breathy whisper, as he left a trail of open-mouthed kisses along the expanse of your jaw, your throat and the curve of your shoulder. "Did you enjoy that night?"
"I was... a virgin that night, Joshua..." you revealed, blushing furiously, embarrassment creeping its way up inside you and, as always, there was the unwavering rush of anticipation and adrenaline flooding into your veins. "I tried to enjoy the moment..."
Your confession earned a low rumble in the high priest's throat. A growl that made you jolt in your place. The noise sounded like a cross between surprise, hunger and satisfaction.
"And are enjoying the moment with me?" he rasped against your mouth, catching your chin between two fingers and tilted upwards until he stole another heated kiss, sucking in a long breath from your lungs, nibbling the edge of your lip and pulled it tight between his teeth, the suction sending another round of goosebumps.
"Yes..." you answered honestly, unable to stop the word from spilling, moaning softly when he caught your bottom lip with his teeth and tugged. He pressed you closer until your chest touched the muscles of his torso and ran his large palms down the length of your spine and around the flare of your hips, travelling along the sides of your waist to palm your ass and squeezed the two plump mounds. You whimpered, his mouth giving attention to a taut, stiff nipple, your head tossing back and whimpering, holding the back of his head, brushing your fingers through the dark locks.
"Good," the word was murmured against your mouth, sucking gently as he swept his tongue across the rosy nub, coating the peaked nipple with his saliva before shifting to the other.
When he leaned in for another kiss and proceeded to unwrap himself in front of you, he groaned softly at the heat, the slick between your legs. "Shall we proceed?" He muttered as he tossed the rest of his clothes, his trousers aside. The entirety of his glory. Fully naked and in front of your eyes. Thighs corded with lean muscle. "Come and seat yourself."
Breath caught in your throat, you didn't expect the sheer size of his length, the thickness of his cock. Straining, weeping with a pearl of moisture beaded upon the head of his engorged head. God... you wanted it inside you. Pressed, pushing, splitting, ramming its way deep until he filled you full.
Heat pooled inside your core, desire washing over you as his lips brushed your own. Slowly and easily, you eased yourself above him, and rubbed the damp, slippery head of his cock over your glistening pussy.
"Look," he rasped as he encouraged you, his arms gripping tight upon your hips. He glanced up at your flushed, disheveled face as he held your hips, poised just above the head of his erect length. "Look at us, Y/N, see how fucking beautiful you look as you take every inch of me," he whispered.
Joshua felt hard and pulsing as you sank down, and it was you, swallowing his mouth and gasping a moan that made his eyes drift half closed. You placed your hands upon the broad expanse of his chest to push and work the upper part of your body, pulling him close in an embrace as your breasts bounced each time your hips rose and slammed back down in a lewd and sinful rhythm.
A flood of desire and ache spilled hot onto the base of his length, coating every ridge and surface and his eyes were so dark they practically blended with the darkness of the shadows and stars and moons themselves. The sweet friction sent shivers down your spine as you watched him groan.
"Ride my cock, sweetheart," Joshua growled through his teeth. "Take what you need." He licked the corner of his mouth, leaning up to meet you for another kiss. "Fuck yourself silly. Dirty little angel. Take it..."
The rhythm was slow at first. Taking him. All of him. There was an ache and, on a rough thrust, his hips bucking, arching and his thighs hit against yours, the impact causing an erotic sound of your bodies meeting, wet, slapping against one another. His hands slid along the flesh of your ass, clawing at your skin as you rode his cock.
And then his palms went to your waist, coaxing and thrusting upwards to meet your slow rhythm. Soon his voice filled the night air with husky grunts.
He reached behind and palmed the small of your back and he guided you gently, encouraging you to move with him, deeper, faster. "How does it feel to have the Goddess watching you getting fucked silly by me right now?" he murmured, nosing the smooth column of your neck, tasting the sheen of sweat along the line of your skin and swallowed heavily, a bead dripping off his brow. "Is she proud that one of her chosen Saintesses is fucking herself on the High Priest's cock?"
He lifted his hand to grope and fondle your bouncing breasts, rubbing your swollen nipples, pinching, grazing, taking one in his mouth and sucked on the stiffened bud as you rocked, circled and gyrated your hips.
"Oh god, I think I'm cumming..." you squealed and clutched the base of his skull, and his tongue shot out of his mouth and dipped, lavished upon the nipple before leaving the wet, pebbled peak with his wet, sticky saliva, gliding and brushing in swirls. "Joshua..."
"Not yet," he huffed. "Hang on..."
With a swiftness that had you whimpering a cry, he gripped your arms and flipped your position so that you were bent over, leaning, bracing your palms upon the edge of the bench. Your knees slightly planted into the ground, and the angle of his hips, the arching of his spine had him pounding at an upward pace.
"Thank you, oh Goddess Luna. For gifting me this holy being tonight," he breathed roughly, his hand curled over your shoulder while his free hand secured onto your hip and rammed into you from behind. "For blessing this wonderful night," his cock plunged deeper, deeper. In and out. "and, bless Y/N..." a deep-throated groan rattled past his throat, his palm moving to stroke the silky mass of your hair, stroking, playing. His skin slapped against yours, so slick and loud, echoing amongst the quiet peace of nature. "For giving me her divinity."
"Yes..." you gasped, his words just enough to send you off the edge as his cock pumped hard, drawing his hips and slamming so delicious, so fucking deep. Again. Again. "Fuck... more, Joshua, please."
You kept asking, pleading. The two of you. Matching the primal rhythm of the ritual. Joshua leaned over your body, his mouth brushing against the lobe of your ear. "Let go, Y/N. Fuck you're doing good... let go."
And you did. It happened when Joshua bit, kissed and nipped the tender flesh along your shoulder, and with one, two, three rough thrusts. He let out a bellow, burying the entire length of his pulsing cock deep inside, feeling your walls tighten, milking his shaft until he throbbed and his orgasm burst with thick spurts of warmth and cum inside you. He buried his nose at the crook of your neck, marking the dip and grooves of your skin in the process.
All that existed around was your shared labored, harsh panting.
And the quick, steady beatings of a joined heart.
He slipped his softening, pulsating length and filled his palms full of your flesh as he leaned towards your ear, breathing raggedly as his eyes drifted close and brushed the side of your face and nuzzled the sweat-slicked flesh of your neck. "You're all mine, Y/N..." Joshua breathed, pulling you in an embrace. "Every divine being of your existence belongs to me."
"My lady, are you okay?"
"Hmm?" you let out a soft mumble as you looked at the knight-captain, giving him a perplexed, dozed expression. It had been weeks since that night and no matter how you tried not to let it bother your thoughts, you failed every single time, the recurring moment replaying itself repeatedly in your head. "Yeah I'm fine, Sir Mark. What was it again that you're asking? My apologies. I'm just a little tired today."
"Of course my Lady Saintess," he replied. "You have been busy with healings and blessings lately."
That was true. Since that night, your powers have gradually increased, far beyond anyone's expectations. People have noticed the significant change, and you've been occupied with tons and tons of requests of blessings for fertility, health and abundance of crops. With that, and with your regular duties, your fatigue was a result of your never-ending schedules.
"Ahh yes, indeed I am," you said with a smile. "Thank you for checking up on me."
You were traveling to the eastern parts of the region, to one of the territories that needed healing and a purifying blessing in their lake. You were told that the land had been slowly drying out for many years. No rain. No harvest. The people suffering from a deficiency of food supplies. Many had already left to decide to take their chances and moved elsewhere, others tried their best to make do with their lands but sadly, every year, they seem to get worse.
Since you would be here for days, you were accompanied with an entourage of guards including the knights-captain and a few others who would assist the Saintess in any needs she may require. It was not the first time you would be venturing somewhere new but, unlike other times, something about this place was different, there was something strange and the eerie air of the lands gave you the unpleasant, unsettling sensation you should stay away. Nevertheless, duty calls and the people depended on you to do this task and your divine role.
"I know this land, Lady Saintess," the knight-captain told you. "We could reach the nearest inn before the night comes and it will be safe."
Safe. For whatever reason, it just doesn't seem like it. It was as if you had stepped into the gates of purgatory itself. It was dark, brooding. Chilling and terrifying. The land was so unearthly, mysterious and your instincts were screaming at you to escape this place immediately. Yet, for the sake of your calling and duty, you had to push aside the gut-wrenching warning.
When you arrived, there were villagers who waited, all hoping to receive your assistance. Some requested to bless their farms, others were requesting some of your mana to help with the drought, and, of course, there was a certain nobleman's wife who requested you to help cure her of an incurable disease.
Days have passed with healing after healing. You had to stretch your energies to the max every time until your entire being became drained. There was a price that comes with having such a gift and one has to understand that you were not like others. And because of that, it was a price, a toll upon your well-being.
As you promised, the lakes needed a special cleansing. Upon arrival, you already knew that there was something odd in the water. Something dark, corrupt, and foul and, even though it was miles and miles away, you were already feeling it's strange effects, a dark, tainted aura and power you can never shake off. You felt a sudden heat around, a burn as if you were being fried under the sun as soon as you went close to the water.
"Are you sure, Lady Saintess?" the knight-captain asked upon the sudden turn of events. "These waters are toxic, I can't allow you to proceed any further than this."
"She'll be alright, Sir Mark," a voice muttered. When you turned to see who had spoken those words, there stood Joshua in casual clothes with some temple knights trailing behind.
"Your Holiness, we were not aware that you're here," the knight-captain declared, putting a fisted hand upon his chest, bowing.
"There's no need for such formality, Sir Mark," Joshua said. "I was in the next territory over to bless the new child born from Earl Park and his wife. The temple knights and I were heading back to the capital when we heard the news of your entourage coming this way."
His dark irises quickly glanced over the eerie waters before locking them with your own. "As for these waters," the high priest took another glance before shifting his gaze back towards you. "A corruption of such wickedness is impossible for even the chosen Saintess to handle such evil presence alone."
Joshua stepped closer, approaching where you stood. As soon as he did, something started to emerge and it was something dark and familiar. You felt the immediate change within and as the Priest kept inching forward, the effect that was lingering and slowly eating inside your bones and nerves amplified.
"In that case, is there a chance you could assist us?" the knight-captain asked, looking hopeful.
Joshua placed his right hand in front of his mouth and proceeded to look over the lake one more time. "Hm..."
"Well?" you mumbled as the High Priest let out a deep sigh.
"Yes, I'll have to purify it but I need your help, Saintess," he took another look. His brow furrowed with a displeased expression. "This used to be a fertile land. Crops and nature were abundant but, look at it now," he uttered. "The lake is corrupted and so it has killed off all forms of life."
Joshua inhaled a long breath through his nostrils, and held his hand above the still, dirty, murky waters. "No life exists because of this malevolent energy."
You can see the look of anguish upon Joshua's expression and his eyes had grown hazy for a second, almost as if his mind was somewhere far, far away and in another place and time altogether. A mix of sadness, guilt and a whole load of remorse were written on his face as the Priest knelt beside the waters.
"I need to do this." Joshua tilted his head slightly. "Will you give us the space we need to do it, Sir Mark?"
"Of course," the knight-captain's head inclined respectfully before backing away to join the rest of your entourage and the temple knights.
"Y/N," the high priest mumbled, the corner of his lips turning up slightly into a soft smile as his gaze met yours. "Come."
And come you did. As you walked a step closer towards him, you sensed his presence, a strange, unearthly sense of calm washed over you. Unlike the chilling sensation you felt before, this one was oddly warming, almost comforting.
"You've used up a lot of your magic, didn't you?"
"I... I've had a few challenges but I'm fine," you confessed.
"Don't force yourself," Joshua uttered with a slight, concerned frown. "After we cleanse the lake, I'll replenish the mana you used with mine."
You know what he means when he says 'replenish'. Ever since the night of the full moon where you laid with him, it has been repeated on a handful of occasions after the events in the garden. After using your powers to heal or perform a ceremony, your body would grow exhausted and weary, and his mana, along with his physical touch would rejuvenate you.
Since then, you notice that Joshua felt different somehow. It was as if the darkness in him seemed to lessen. It still remained a portion of its black aura but, somehow, you can tell there was a positive shift. Maybe it was the alignment of the stars or, maybe, it was because the two of you spent the nights, each time, reaffirming your divine duties and sacred responsibilities through sin and lust and a healthy dose of pleasures.
The two of you neared the banks of the waters, both of you taking deep, lengthy breaths before immersing yourselves deep and further into the lake until your torso was swallowed with water.
"What happened to the lake that caused the water to become like this?" you asked softly, carefully moving until you stood right beside the priest.
"Darkness happened," Joshua uttered, keeping his voice to a whisper, careful to speak softly so that no one can hear, leaning slightly, letting the wind carry the flow of his soft murmurs. "My darkness."
"Joshua?" you spoke quietly, trying to comprehend his confession.
"I'll tell you after we cleanse this," he uttered, lifting a palm in front, his features twisting in discomfort. "This is why I have to purify this lake with you," he whispered in an inaudible tone, clasping his hands upon your palms. "If you're by my side, you're able to overcome my darkness. And it's easier for me to cleanse the taints that I created."
As you two linked fingers, the darkness became visible to both of your eyes. Corruption began spreading fast across the waters, rapidly climbing onto your legs, and further upward. As soon as the corruptness reached, you immediately felt your legs seizing and weakening. Your palms upon his felt his began shaking and quivering. But, as Joshua locked his fingers on top of yours, it was enough to calm the chaos. To absorb the poison, take the darkness and purify it.
In the corner of your eye, you noticed the entire party and knights flinching, gasping for air upon witnessing the sudden movement of the waters. You could feel them stare, astonished at the sight, wondering what it was that was happening.
"You're light," Joshua uttered as his hands moved and gestured, forming a symbol and circle as if to perform a ceremony. "And I'm darkness."
"That is true," you agreed as you copied the priest's actions in a matching stance. "But, the light can never be without the darkness, nor can the dark exist without the light."
"Two opposing forces working in harmony," he breathed, drawing his brows down and close his eyes tightly. A power and strength emanated and surrounded, radiating from within you. And for a brief second, everything went still and silence, the world came to a stand-still. "One cannot live without the other."
After a brief moment of holding and harnessing the pure energy of the light, Joshua signaled to you. "Now!" he breathed, his voice filled with the raw sound of an authoritative command and, as you clasped your hands tightly with one another, the sound of his voice rang throughout the vast plain of the water's edge, spreading further, echoing, and vibrating its entirety.
And then you let loose of the magic swirling inside you and the water around the two of you started to glow. The dark energy swirling across the span of its depths and its surface soon shifted into the beautiful clearness of crystal blue.
"The lake! It's purified!" a man shouted.
"The waters have become clear once again!" a woman screeched.
You watched as the villagers gathered by the shore, excitement and joy evident on the faces. You couldn't help but to smile at the scene. You've brought so much happiness to these people who needed your assistance. In addition to that, the tainted waters, free from the corruption, means that life would resume. People could continue to work their farms. Women could once again do laundry without any worries and the health-crisis from the poisonous air was finally at ease. You were happy at how everything ended. It was a job well done and, now, there's no more reason for the people to fear.
Both you and Joshua got out of the lake and shook yourselves to rid the remaining water from your robes and skin. Joshua, however, wasn't too preoccupied with the state of his clothing, he was busy examining the state of your well-being. "Y/N are youー"
Before you could say a word, your vision grew dark. Your last sight was of Joshua's worried face and his arm, stretched to keep your body from hitting the ground.
"Wake up, Y/N," you heard a quiet murmur, your ears adjusting as soon as your vision started to open, the haziness beginning to vanish. You were awake, yet not conscious enough for you to sit up and properly move. In a state between awakening and drowsiness, your blurry vision focuses. You found yourself lying on a bed, blankets pulled over your chest, arms and torso.
"Here," Joshua sat beside, leaning and reaching for the cup on the side table before helping you lift your upper half off the pillows behind your head. "Drink some water. You fainted after we cleansed the lake."
It took you a few sips before your throat became soothed and hydrated. When you have finally woken fully, he removed the cup and gently laid your weight back to the bed. "Feeling better?" the man asked as a hand stroked your cheek.
"Where is this place, Joshua?"
"The territory lord's mansion," the man revealed, stroking the damp locks sticking upon the skin of your face with his fingers. "His family offered this place for us while we finish our remaining task here in this territory."
"My knights? What aboutー"
"Rest assured," his fingers stilled in their movements as they skimmed your features. His hand moved to the crown of your head, soothing, smoothing. A serene and tranquil motion. "They're all fine. Sir Mark and the others are spending their time in their own accommodations within the mansion, awaiting further orders of their duty. Only you and I are staying here," Joshua replied, continuing to caress, giving the same gentle touch on your temple and jaw.
You couldn't help but blink slowly, nuzzling your face in his hand. And once again, the two of you looked deep into each other's eyes. It wasn't until Joshua leaned forward to meet you halfway and his lips met yours. "You did well today, Y/N."
"Was it enough?" you asked against his lips, sighing and you felt the vibration of his quiet groan as your mouth parted his.
"More than enough," Joshua responded with an understated, coy, a hushed hum.
"Joshua?"
"Hmm?" his mouth was at your earlobe, kissing and sucking the smooth, tender skin and gave your body the shivers and tingles, the pit of your stomach, a heat pooling once again as a familiar sensation swelled, tingling and aching below your tummy.
You managed to release another sigh and turned towards his direction. "About your darkness..." you swallowed heavily. "About you telling me earlier..."
He leaned back, his expression growing sober. His eyes shut tight as his features began twisting with sadness and regret. And when his gaze flicked open, his dark orbs shone with guilt. "I'm a monster, Y/N."
There were long moments of silence between the two of you as you settled, not moving and stayed still for a good couple of minutes. Your irises moved from staring upon the wall behind Joshua to him, eyeing him silently, observing every movement and detail. His shoulders slumped, eyes cast down and a face of remorse. His features appeared defeated and ashamed.
You bit at the inside of your lower lip before reaching for his wrist. With the movement of your fingers, you slid them along the warm, taut, bare skin and then laced your fingers with his, gripping tightly. When the man flicked his orbs and fixed them upon yours, his irises glistened and the familiar emotion of uncertainty reflected. "It's not your fault."
"How can it not be?" his eyes closed tight. The tips of his brows creas inward as the memories flooded, a heavy exhale passed and passed his lips. "This was my home, Y/N," he revealed. "This whole land used to thrive under my family's care. I was never meant to be born into this world. A blessing bestowed from the Goddess to my parents that longed for a child," a strained smile curved his lips. "Such a beauty of the gods yet, I was born with so much darkness and evil in me.”
"And because of my birth, all these calamity and tragedy fell. My people... my parents... all innocent and pure," a shaky exhale rumbled. "All I see is the suffering, and my nightmares torment me of their anguished screams as they fell one by one because of my mere existence," his grip was firm and firm, tighter than usual and his palm were getting wet and clammy and cold and, slowly, the room's air, its ambiance darkened, as if the energy, its atmosphere were getting heavy.
"What happened to your family? Your people?"
"What else would happen?" He asked with a dark, scornful laugh. "All of them are dead. The townspeople threw me out. Left me to rot and starve. They chased me with rocks and shovels and anything they could grab and, in the end, no matter where I went," a scoff. "Darkness surrounds me, brings me nothing but chaos, destruction. Then the taints, the darkness grew stronger. More powerful, corrupted until... " his head shook. "I hated them. I wanted to become powerful. To reign over them. Hurt and punish them for what they did to me," his orbs flickered towards the large open windows of the chambers, the cold winds from the night, carrying the evening sounds of the peaceful town. "But, I hate myself the most."
"When did you join the temple, Joshua?" you asked quietly.
"My teacher, an Elder of the temple, found me while I was at death's door," he began. "It was then he knew I had something unique. My aura was strong. Unique. Filled with powerful magic like none have ever known. He trained me and gave me a new purpose, to control and discipline that darkness within. Told me that Luna gave me this gift for a reason, so that I could find my role and true destiny."
He shifted the weight of his body upon the edge of the bed before carefully crawling up. He hovered over your frame and nuzzled the side of your neck, his nose brushing gently, carefully across the soft tendons and veins. "From there I set out to train myself, use the darkness in order to control the monsters and dark mages of these lands. For a time, I thought I've found my calling, my true reason to be, yet it wasn't enough. My powers and the darkness kept on growing more and more. And then all that consumed me was the need for power. I wanted to use the temple's position for my own sake. My wants and needs and, not those of the people's."
"What changed you? I sense something's different." you questioned further. "It's likeー"
"You. It's you, Y/N," the confession made, his lids opened once more and you felt his hand, resting at the flesh of your neck. "Somehow, the darkness began lessening whenever I'm with you," his thumb rubbed at the soft flesh of your neck before sliding it upwards, your chin tilting as he continued the movement of his digits, caressing the tip of his fingers against the tip of your cheekbone. "Your light, the warmth I get from being with you..." his gaze peered directly into yours. "... my soul, and everything I am. You consume me, Y/N."
His eyes were unflinching, penetrating in their stare. "At first I just wanted to use your power for my own needs. That was the initial plan, use your power and use you but..." his thumb stroked, then dipped over the fullness of your lips. "But it's getting more and more complicated. This need to have you," a swallow. "To be with you," you felt the beating of his heart against your breast. "To be bathed in your light," he uttered and leaned closer, burying his nose into your hair. "Everything about you overwhelms me, and I..." he sucked in a deep inhale of breath before releasing a frustrated sigh. "I want to change... to not want the power... to not crave, yearn, hunger for the darkness. I..."
The desperation, the frustration were clear. He has gone through so much and was so tormented. Even though you have had the strangest first meeting, you began to see the side he kept from others. This wasn't a side meant for anyone to see except for you.
"Joshua..." your palm reached for the smooth skin of his face, thumb rubbing against the rough stubs on the square plane of his cheeks, carefully smoothing the area above his jawline. The moment your palms touched the skin and flesh of his face, you felt something familiar stirring within.
"My powers," you said in an inaudible whisper, almost barely a sound. "My light. It helps keep the dark away when I'm with you and it affects you so strongly, right?" you asked, watching his face, noting the changes, studying them in every moment, every second. "Maybe the Goddess gave me this gift and a divine calling not just to heal and bless, maybe she wanted you and I to guide one another's souls," your hand rubbed across the firm muscles of his pecs, moving over his left shoulder, sliding up his arm until your hand reached his wrist and you brought him and his knuckles against your lips, planting a warm kiss.
"I didn't want to be the Saintess. I didn't ask for such gifts or powers," you closed your eyes briefly before reopening them, peering deeply in his orbs. "I just wanted to be a normal girl," an almost shaky exhale shuddered from you. "But, now I understand," you gave the gentlest touch of the tips of your digits across his features. "You need me and, maybe..." the hint of a small smile curved your lips. "Maybe... I'm beginning to need you too," your orbs continued to glisten, meeting with the intensity of his.
For a moment, there was complete silence, as the two of you focused and watched. Both not letting the other's face go out of your sight. "If we were normal, if we had the normal kind of lives, we wouldn't have crossed paths," Joshua mumbled quietly, brushing a thumb to trace at the line of your throat and down your chest, palming the ample mounds, a quick brush over and around, flicking the flesh between your breasts with the tips of his fingers. "It's destiny, isn't it?" his lips started at the soft plumpness of your lips, giving a faint, warm, passionate, brushing kiss. "What the Gods have planned for us both?"
And with the taste of his lips upon yours, your eyelids, closing, the only response and acknowledgement you can give was, simply, to meet his movements and return the action and taste of his kiss upon the flesh and tongue of yours.
He whispered against your lips. "Y/N." And kissed you once again with a hint of sweetness as his tongue swiped your own. "Do you want to go on a journey with me and help get rid of the darkness of this kingdom?"
You released a soft moan against the man's mouth and, pulled apart momentarily, enough for you to give an answer. "I'll do my best but, can the two of us really take down every creature, demon, and monster in these lands?"
"With the darkness I've acquired and your light," his hands splayed possessively over your body and squeezed firmly at your waist, moving downward, gathering the fabric of the robes in his palms, until he was able to lift it above your thighs. "We could do a great deal of good for this Kingdom."
"And the temple? Won't they need you?" you asked curiously, thinking about the possibility and complications.
"Not if I resign as High Priest," he admitted, his palms were caressing and soothing the curve and hollow of your waist. "We'll start out traveling, with the knights and everyone but," a kiss, then another, his teeth nipping at your lower lip. "Then, if you'll let me, after a while, it'll only be the two of us, together."
"Traveling. Us two together," you repeated his words and then sighed as you felt his tongue and teeth suck at the sensitive and vulnerable side of your neck. "Until this kingdom is free from all of the darkness?" you asked, your heart swelling as you noticed his expression lighten upon hearing your acceptance of the terms and his plans, his orbs, once dark with guilt and torment, were beginning to show the familiar glints of mischief, desire and sin. "This could work..."
And before you knew it, he pressed a finger upon your mouth to silence you.
"Rest," he replied. "You used too much magic at the lake earlier." His fingers, playing with the ends of the ties that bound your garment, loosened the topmost bow. "Unless you want my attention instead of sleep?" He began to nibble at the line of your bare shoulder and tugged, then gave a playful bite. "Because, to be quite honest, I have other plans in mind."
"Yes," you answered in the simplest form, a request for a simpler answer and nothing more. "Joshua. Please."
That was all the permission the man needed.
When his lips pressed firmly into yours, there were no other questions left unsaid, or hesitation, or regrets. It wasn't a kiss for show. No. There were more to it. Much more. There was something beyond the sensation, beyond his taste. Your bodies melted together like a fine hot flame. Something real and honest between the two of you has sparked. Something that ignited a passion that neither of you were ready for.
He took the initiative by cupping a hand on the nape of your neck to pull your chin downwards to meet his, the hard and gentle heat and passion in his mouth. There were no boundaries in your actions anymore and this kiss... this touch, every movement, every minute and every second was sincere and real. And for once, despite your past apprehensions, despite your hesitations and doubts, you were more than eager to return the heated sensations, the hunger and want of him upon the flesh of your mouth.
"You've really changed, Joshua," you replied against his mouth, your hands busying themselves with removing his clothes. "When I first met you, you terrified me. You had this strange aura that I couldn't put my finger on, and my instincts told me to not trust you." You bit at your lower lip before giving a tilt, smiling.
"And now?" he asked, his breath fanning upon your lips as he spoke.
"Now, I feel a very different Joshua from then," you closed your eyes, concentrating to listen. "Although I'm still mad that you sent that dark creature at me," you teased in a mild joking tone, looking up to his face. "There's good in you. You just need someone to keep the dark at bay," your lids closed halfway, your hand reaching the back of his head. "Or maybe a little dark is good?" you suggested as his lips neared yours and your orbs fully closed shut, lips parted for what is soon to come. "Only a bit."
His chuckle reverberated through the chamber, his forehead touching, pressing, tilting against yours. "Just a little bit?" his tongue traced the outline of your lip before pushing its tip and sliding across the wet flesh. "For this, right?" a kiss and the teasing hint of his tongue flickered within. "And this," his hands, sliding up your hips, his tongue swirling around your lower lips. "I think this is good. Just a little."
A long sigh escaped from the back of your throat, hands pulling at the silken strands of his hair. And without another word, without any more pauses in between, you allowed yourself to fall, to willingly succumb and surrender to the desire, to his needs. The heat and warmth within as your fingers clung to him and your bodies melded, completely erased the lingering, cold numbness.
The sheets ruffled against your movement as the priest's weight, a comforting warmth, hovered over you, pushing you gently against the pillows. He held your hip with one palm, caressing the flesh of your hip bone as the other remained secured against the headboard.
And he, looking so handsome, his eyes bore directly to yours, observing every detail, memorizing every crease and wrinkle in his thoughts, in the memory of the way you appeared under the flickering dim light of the moon and candle, admiring the image, burning every detail.
Joshua tilted his head and pulled a strand of your hair, placing it behind your ear, "Beautiful," he breathed before leaning his face down towards yours, kissing you on the mouth, a whisper escaping his lips.
His voice was like the lull of a melody that entranced the depths of your being. There was something captivating about the way the Priest and you acted toward each other and the atmosphere changed every time. Your trust and understanding for him has evolved greatly and there is now a form of vulnerability in the air. Something has formed, created and bloomed. It was something more than simple attraction, more than lust. And it scared you how easily you became attached.
"Y/N," Joshua murmured. "You're in my heart. You're under my skin. And if I don't have you, I don't know how I'm going to live anymore." He gave a lingering look and the blue pools bore the sincerity, the sincerity in those words and then he gently kissed the shell of your earlobe. His kisses trailed slowly and made their descent as your breathing grew heavier and the need intensified.
His face brushed close to your ears. "Y/N."
The brush of his lips felt so intimate, so personal as he whispered and breathed and it was something so innocent and honest. His touches, his gaze, were filled with admiration and wonder. How his lips could move and make you shiver with the simple vibrations that formed words as he praised. It was amazing how easy it was for you to submit to him. You were not only trusting your body, your heart and soul, but every ounce of yourself to him.
"Joshua," you said, clinging tightly to his strong and sturdy shoulders. The feeling of his warm palms, running across your waist, moving down the curve and slope of your tummy as the soft fabrics fell to the bed was new and strange to your skin, a chill crawling down the pit and caverns of your core, the ache of hunger and crave, intensifying in the low parts of your belly.
"Joshua, please," you could not contain the breathy exhales and sighs, barely suppressing the whimpers and quiet, tiny groans and squeals. "Please," the touch and weight of him, his arms wrapping, hooking around the hollow of your thighs and calves, clutching, pressing your legs close to his naked and firm frame.
Joshua planted his face along your bare shoulder and slid himself forward. Your breasts were pushed and squished against the plane of his upper abdomen. Your belly, nestling against the expanse and lean muscle of his own tummy. Flesh meeting bare, untouched, heated skin. His rough hands kneaded the generous curve of your hip and moved lower and lower. And his palms clutched on either side of your mounds and gripped.
"Are you sure," a lick along the area and shell of your ears. "Because, with the amount of screaming you're about to do," the wet trails of his tongue, the flicks and nips and nuzzles. "You're going to alert the whole mansion and the knights will surely rush to the room."
"It'll be fine," you gasped, toes curling. "As long as your lips are on mine to swallow all the sounds."
"Naughty girl," a smirking Joshua licked, sucking and biting, giving a harsh nibble. "You like making my job difficult, don't you?"
"It'll keep your full attention on me, that's all," you remarked as a cheeky response, bringing the back of his head closer to deepen the contact and warmth of his kisses upon the mouth. You let out a sharp gasp as he pushed himself deeper, fully seating and filling your depths. "Joshua," the whisper of his name sounded like a beautiful song to his ears.
His movements were slow, calculated and precise, easing in and out in measured movements and rhythms, and his pace, a controlled steady thrust, unlike the fast, fumbling and heated fucking you usually have. This time was much different, slow and deep and much, much deeper. He leaned down to capture and swallow any noise of yours to stifle the sounds, his fingers interlocked with yours as he plunged into you.
As much as it was delicious, and arousing, it was driving you crazy as he purposely brushed and nudged and scraped and stimulated the tender flesh. "Close. Joshua. So close," the man could see your desperation, as your legs wound tight, toes digging and clenching in, clasping and keeping the man's figure close.
You could hear his breaths grow labored as his pace picked up slightly. "Almost there," Joshua assured, holding a few strands, framing your face, pressing the locks and tresses away to reveal your expression. "Almost there," he said again, watching your mouth parted and close to a tight shut.
"Together," the man, giving your hand a squeeze. "Do not hold back."
The moment you opened your mouth, he immediately captured and locked his lips with you to prevent the sounds from coming out as you climaxed in unison. You clawed and pulled at his muscular shoulders and felt the wave of orgasmic relief and ecstacy wash over you. Your breasts felt heavy and sensitive at the force of the man's plunges and thrusts. It took some time to come back down as the after waves gradually lessened. The two of you catching a breather, finding solace within each other's arms.
"No regrets?" asked Joshua, his arms still coiled around your body. You felt a tender touch of his fingers, lifting the strands and hair falling upon your face. "I know it's too late to be asking you this, now but," a beat and, a moment as his orbs softened, the shade of blue melting and becoming gentler. "No regrets?"
You sighed as you sank onto the comfort of his chest. The heartbeat was strong and steady. Loud. Warm. You rested your cheek comfortably on top of him as your fingertips played with the ends of his hairs at his collar. "Not a single regret," you answered, gazing deeply at him. "Do you have any? Regrets?"
"Plenty," he shifts and grabs a bunch of blankets, shifting and draping it over your waists and hips and the soft fabrics bundled and covering you two. "But," the man chuckled as he held you close in a gentle yet possessive hold and embrace, the position had you lying completely on top of the solid man, your nose resting on his chest. You looked up, a smile tracing the edge of his lips. "They all seem to vanish when I'm with you, Y/N. Strange. How life changes."
"How life changes indeed," you echoed, placing your face onto the top of the planes of his chest. "If someone were to tell me the things that would have happened in the past few months. I would never, ever have believed them."
You lightly laughed, leaning upwards, until the tip of your nose and tip of his nose touched, a light nuzzle and breath shared, mouths and breaths ghosting, sharing a sense of intimacy.
Joshua smiled and shifted, carefully maneuvering himself and your bodies under the sheets and soft blankets. He rolled you carefully on your side until your face met his, allowing you both to maintain your stare and connection with one another. And as his palm cradled your head and slid across to caress the small of your waist. With a slight tug, the both of you lay on your sides and nestled yourselves into each other's bodies, warmth. "Get some sleep. We've got a big journey ahead tomorrow. One of our greatest adventures."
"First we need to tell the others of our decision and our future plans," you reminded him, glancing and studying his handsome features.
"Fine. After we tell your brother, which I'm not looking forward to, and the others," his eyelids closed shut as he listened to your breathing, a calming and a soothing sound as your digits wrapped loosely over his torso. "Our adventure begins."
