a mistake misguided

These are mistakes I've made or problems I've had that I'm determined to learn from. The solutions are things that work for me personally but won't work for everyone.

[winged-and-wounded]

Never again will I lead a meeting without preparation and visualization of how it will go

REALIZE I didn’t prepare for the actual meeting.

ACCEPT I stumbled and stuttered and wasted time.

They care and understand, and we were successful anyway! Compassion and kindness!

[winged-and-wounded]

a conversation gets awkward near the end and no one is saying bye

It was great seeing you, I’m glad you’re doing well! Wrap up what you learned and what you will do for homework. Thank you so much! Good luck with your project, it’s awesome! Give a blessing! Take care, see you next week!

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: you feel guilty

Apologizing over and over again weighs down the other person with negative energy. It prevents them from forgiving and forgetting and healing. Just acknowledge what you did, and decide that you will never do it again. Bring others only positive energy. Only positive energy can heal.

If you care for someone, that emotion will never cause discomfort. Caring is a warm feeling. Worry and guilt are not the same as caring.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: you have a negative reaction to some things

Certain situations and mentions trigger an unwanted reaction. Meditate on those situations and imagine yourself having a different reaction. Train yourself to have this new reaction instead of the one you’ve become accustomed to.

[winged-and-wounded]

Practice: Ask Questions

If you're not sure and you're anxious about not knowing, ask. It's worth bothering someone. In fact they'll probably like you more for coming to them for answers.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: others don’t seem to care as much as you do

Especially when that person is in charge. Analyze why you care. What do you really care about? Get to the core of what’s important, and focus on it.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: your mind is preoccupied

You’re thinking so much about this thing you have to do that everything else gets tuned out.

Compartmentalize your time for things you need to do. Social time is for social things only. Communicate otherwise for things you need to speak to people about. Don’t stress about other communications when you’re focused on one thing.

[winged-and-wounded]

practice: gratitude

Have an overabundance of gratitude. Be grateful to yourself, to your body, and let it spill out into the world.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: someone answers a question for someone else

Especially when it’s along the lines of “she doesn’t like” this.

Ignore them. Wait for the person to answer.

“I asked HER.”

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: you overthink

Turn the page. Imagine the sound of a page turning, and the next fresh blank page. Leave the previous chapter behind and keep going.

[winged-and-wounded]

practice: acne prevention

That great medication you got from the doctor won’t cure bad decisions. Remember these things for the future (my personal experience, your mileage may vary):

Do not use coconut oil on your face. It works great for some people. For you, it causes cysts. Use the non-com moisturizer.

Eat sugar and chocolate sparingly. Chocolate cake and/or rich cocoa once in awhile is fine, but several days in a row is going to wreck your face. Go for fruit, decaf coffee, or tea (rooibos with honey/cream, or mint) instead.

Drink water. If you think you’ve had enough water, get more water.

Exercise. A few days gone by without a long walk increases chances of a painful skin.

Sleep. Go to bed early. Get a ton of sleep whenever you can.

Keep doing that internal work/meditation. Anxiety will throw off everything above. Keep working to keep it in check.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: a coworker gives you a gift

Thank you cards are wonderful! Keep a stash and thank everyone. There’s no need for the weird awkward confrontation, which risks other coworkers overhearing and making things even more awkward for the other person.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: a friend is having trouble

Ask:

“What do you want to happen?” What’s the end goal that they can’t quite reach?

“What’s getting in your way?” Why can’t they reach that goal?

“What kind of help would be beneficial to you right now?” What, in general, would help them conquer that obstacle?

[winged-and-wounded]

mistake: you ask a question you regret

Analyze why you brought up the sensitive subject. Sometimes the most mundane and default questions (”What are your plans for the holiday?”) can be loaded for some people. Were you trying to make small talk? Fill the silence?

What could you have said instead? What else could you have said to remedy the silence? (”What do you think about Christmas?” “What’s your favorite part of the holiday?”)

Create an arsenal of questions that won’t force mention of family, friends, or social plans. Focus on how the person feels, what their favorite things are, their hobbies, whether they plan to do anything fun without implying family gatherings.

Don’t ask a question you wouldn’t want to answer.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: you regret a social interaction or event

Sometimes coming away from a social interaction leaves you feeling worse than when you started. This trains you to avoid social interactions and seclude yourself to avoid that awful feeling.

Reflect on what exactly made you feel bad. Did you feel like people avoided you? No one wanted to talk to you, or did so only out of pity? Were you in a conversation that got hijacked by someone else, and thereafter you felt excluded? Did you feel like you trapped someone in a conversation they didn’t want to be in?

How could you have interacted differently? Learn from the experience. Research new skills and methods to handle similar situations in the future.

Why are you feeling loss? What of your expectations weren’t met?

Remember nothing has inherent meaning except the meaning you give it. What else could these things mean?

Remember that most people don’t communicate well. Nobody knows what they’re doing. We’re all flailing here. They need help communicating with you as much as you need help communicating with them.

Remember that every response to you is either loving or a cry for help. No one is actively trying to hurt you for the sake of hurting you.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: you’re in a constant chaotic state of mind

Breathe.

Adopt a mantra: “Slow Down.”

Listen to the universe.

Write down what you’re doing. Focus on that.

Acknowledge thoughts and turn the page.

[winged-and-wounded]

issue: your day is so full of interruptions your work suffers

Set your phone to forward calls to someone else for a period. That person can screen calls that may or may not be urgent, handle mundane requests, and direct people to email or forward the call to your voicemail.

Schedule meetings with people who frequently interrupt you. Actually use the calendar to schedule meeting times, even once a week. They’ll be more likely to hold their non-urgent questions for their meeting.

Redirect coworkers to others who can assist them. Insist that other coworkers would be happy to help with their issues.

Set alerts on emails from important people and ignore the rest. Use a specific time to reply to emails, not throughout the day.

Schedule a time to follow up on tasks given to others. As opposed to throughout the day.