RULES: Copy and paste this into a new text post, fill this out, and then tag 3 authors that you want to know more about!
I was tagged by @afterthenovel and for some reason tumblr won’t let me tag her. Shame on you, tumblr.
Where do you publish your work?
Here as well as on Ao3. By now I’m using wipklaine for Glee stuff and bowtieowl for all the rest.
What medium/application/etc. do you write in or with?
Microsoft words on my computer, Evernote, sometimes the traditional notebook.
Do you collaborate with others?
I love working with artists because quite frankly, I’m better at writing something for someone else. Less excuses to procrastinate. I would love to do some fic exchange or something like that, but the sad truth is that a lot of times, these things don’t work out. But if you want to, always feel free to hit me up.
How much editing do you do before you publish?
Not as much as I should. Which means, if I don’t immediately find a beta, I just publish the thing without even reading through it a second time. I’m a disgrace. And I know it.
Do you listen to music?
I usually listen to one song or two songs on repeat when I’m in the mood. And it’s like when I’m driving a car which means that when I have to focus on something I have to turn down the music.
How do you decide what to write about?
Usually I see something that prompts me. The summary of a book, a movie, a quote, a picture, an actual prompt, and then I just twist and tweak it into something that works for me. When I write for someone else I usually take something I know the person likes or something I associate with them and try to come up with something around that.
When do you write?
In the late evenings or when I have time in the early afternoon.
How often do you write?
Oh my. Not often enough. I try to every couple days, but I end up not doing it more often than not. I’m having one of those times when I’m too busy or too tired to do anything when I come home from work.
Do you take requests? Why/why not?
I do, but I barely ever get them...
Is there any genre or type of story you want to write but are hesitant to?
I’m not hesitant to write it, but I’m definitely hesitant to publish poetry. And then I’ve always had the dream to turn something very popular into a fic because that’s the kind of story I enjoy the most, no matter if it’s a trope or a setting from another book or movie. Only that after the disaster that was the Snow Queen, I don’t really feel comfortable with it anymore.
Any inspirational quotes, videos, tricks, articles, etc. that help you stay motivated?
Music and reading through my own old stuff.
Go to page 7 of your WIP, skip to the 7th line, and share 7 sentences.
Believe it or not, I’m currently working on Shivers again:
It tears him apart and wears him down and sometimes he's catching himself thinking that he wouldn't even care about the other person so much if it meant that Kurt would stop shaking. It's a horrible thought. The thing about humans is that they are monsters too.
Three weeks before prom, Kurt stops whining. He stops poking around in his food rather than eating it. He sings under the shower again. Kurt doesn't shiver.
I don’t really have too many people I know who write, so I leave this open for everyone who wants to do this. And I know that a lot of people write this and then people feel shy to do it, but I actually mean it. Do it if you feel like it and then tag me so I can read it ♥
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are on a summer trip through Europe when Blaine has to realize that his schedule has its flaws. Because London isn't London without Sherlock Holmes.
Notes: A birthday present for @afterthenovels who will hopefully see past any Sherlock related mistakes in this story. ♥
Word count: ~700
Read on [AO3]
Kurt should have seen it coming. With Blaine's obsession when it comes to pop culture, it should have been clear. But they only spend five days in London before moving on to Paris and then Rome, so for whatever reason that is now beyond him, Kurt assumed that they would just cover the really big things. The Tower. Big Ben. Madame Tussauds. The Buckingham Palace. Not this.
He dresses himself for the day when he turns around to find Blaine glancing at their schedule and tracing a map of the city. His husband is frowning and then he sighs.
Kurt, tilting his head, smiles. "Something wrong, darling?"
Blaine laughs and small wrinkles appear around his eyes. "A British accent suits you."
"Thank you," Kurt says, lifting his chin a little higher before he closes his belt buckle and crosses the room to lean over Blaine and look over his shoulder. The iPad in front of him shows a blog article titled 'Ten Must See Book And Movie Locations in England'. "What is that?"
"We have to visit 221B Baker Street," Blaine says stubbornly as if he's already preparing to present his arguments. "It's just that our schedule is impossible. But I will make it work."
Kurt frowns. "I thought you planned everything ahead."
"I did." Blaine sighs and he looks like a pouting three year old. "But I forgot about Sherlock."
Glancing at the schedule and the map Kurt thinks it all through and then he points at the lunch break. "If we scratch lunch and take fish'n'chips on the way, we can squeeze it in between The Buckingham Palace and Madame Tussauds. Then tomorrow we cut everything five minutes short and do the extended lunch break then."
Blaine seems to think it all through and then his eyes light up. "You're a genius."
"I must be," Kurt replies and kisses Blaine's cheek. "I married you."
***
A couple hours later Kurt regrets everything. Blaine is standing in front of him with puppy eyes and his newest discovery from a souvenir shop on Baker Street. "Pleeeeeeease… It would look great on you. Just try it on?"
Kurt folds his arms across his chest, his eyebrows raised. "You're aware that Sherlock Holmes was written as a character with an impeccable fashion sense and that it would have made no sense whatsoever for him to wear a deerstalker in the city? That's dangerous half-knowledge, Blaine. It's a popcultural misunderstanding. I will not support it."
"Then let's pretend you're Sherlock on one of his travels. Being witty. Solving mysteries… Please."
Blaine knows exactly how to look at him to make him melt, but this time Kurt is determined to stay strong. The deerstalker is cheap and it's a day so hot they decided to scratch the fish and chips for water melon and ice cream. "No."
"And I thought…" Blaine lowers the cap and lets his shoulders slump. He bows his head. "I thought I could be your Watson."
Kurt's heart beats a little bit faster and he steps forward with a sigh to place his hands on Blaine's shoulder. "I don't want you to be the Watson to my Sherlock. Do you know why?"
"Why?" Blaine asks, suddenly curious.
"Because you're my Blaine. Not only my best friend, but the love of my life as well."
Blaine's eyes get this special spark that fills Kurt with warmth, peace and gratitude. They both lean in at the same time, their kiss short but sweet.
"I love you a lot," Blaine finally says quietly and pecks Kurt's cheek once more. "But just for the record, I'm still sad. I had big plans."
Kurt tilts his head. "Which plans?"
Blaine lifts the hand that isn't currently holding the deerstalker and only now does Kurt notice the cheap plastic handcuffs the souvenir shop seems to sell as well. Blaine grins. "I thought you would for sher lock me up to do some investigating as the biggest detective of all times…"
It's so dorky. And it's horrible. But Kurt can't help it. His eyes are wide and then he rips both the deerstalker and the handcuffs out of Blaine's hands and slams it on the counter of the souvenir shop. "We take both. I pay in cash."
Blaine smiles and while they wait for the change, their fingers intertwine. Kurt smiles back. London is pretty perfect. Only way later Kurt struggles to explain to his dad why he shouldn't try on the Sherlock Holmes cap. Burt lets go of it once he sees his son blush. They keep it their secret that the handcuffs didn't survive a second round of private investigating. Or that they actually never made it to Madame Tussauds.
Prompt: Klaine in a pet store. Blaine wants a dog, Kurt wants a cat. What happens?
Notes: Thanks to @joshburtonhellzyess for the cute prompt, I hope you like it!
Word count: ~1k
Read on [AO3]
They both agreed not to take something tiny and cute. Well, Kurt decided it would be like that and even though Blaine's gaze driftsover to the puppies and kittens time and again, he knows that neither of them has the time to train a baby animal. Instead they want to be one of those couples who adopt a senior pet and give it a couple more good years in a safe environment.
What they don't know is whether to take in a cat or a dog.
They made lists. Of course they did.
"What about sleeping in on rainy Sundays?" Kurt asked and Baine couldn't come up with any argument against that point. "With a dog you can't just decide to take a day off. You have to walk him whether you want or not."
Two minutes later it was Blaine's moment to shine, though. "You know that you can't actually tell a cat not to sit on your shirts, right? There will be fur on every piece of clothing you own. There's no way around that."
Kurt sighed at that and they tried to focus on pros again instead.
"Dogs are so loyal," Blaine said and showed Kurt a puppy of a Labrador. "And look at those eyes."
"Cats don't smell weird," Kurt retorted. "And they puuuuurrrrrr."
The emphasis on the last word made them both sigh. Purring cats were a soft spot for both of them.
It all dissolved after that because they showed each other YouTube videos of puppies and kittens and there was no coming back from that. After several hours they called it a day and when Blaine suggested the next morning to just go to the shelter and adopt whichever animal would really charm them first, Kurt was in.
They have been standing in front of potential pets for over an hour now and they're nowhere close to deciding. Very briefly it looked like Team Dog would win because Kurt tilted his head when he saw a tiny white dog that looked like a giant ball of cotton candy, a very charming looking little guy. That lasted until the dog barked and growled and Kurt flinched back. As it turned out, Kurt was afraid of little barking dogs.
Fifteen minutes later they're frustrated and Kurt is cranky because he takes personal offense that he was barked at. Blaine is petting a cat who doesn't purr and it makes him sad.
"Let's just go home and go over our list again," he says with a quiet voice and they both sigh and get ready to leave.
Maybe it's fate that they see an old lady cry at the front desk the moment they leave the area with the cages.
"I'm sorry, but we just don't take cases like that," the young girl from the shelter says, clearly riled up because he can't calm the old lady down.
"But that's what they've been telling me in 23 shelters and I just don't have time anymore," the woman says. "My daughter already stayed a day longer because we can't find a place for them. She can't take longer. I have to leave today."
"As I explained, we can take them," the replies, "but only to euthanize them. And I don't think that's in your interest."
That's when the lady starts to cry again and Kurt quickly crosses the room to find out what's going on. "Uhm, excuse me? May I ask what this is all about?"
"Nobody wants to take my macaws."
Blaine steps closer at that. "Macaws? As in parrots?"
The woman nods and points towards the door. "They're outside in their cage in my daughter's van. I've been calling all shelters of the area, but the few who take birds that size are full and all private requests were unreliable."
"Why are you giving them away?" Kurt asks and Blaine can hear the barely contained judgement in his voice.
"My husband died." The woman turns sad and her chin quivers. "I've been taking care of everything for almost two years now but I just can't do it anymore. I'm 92 years old. I'm exhausted. So my daughter came here to take me with her. She lives in Philadelphia and her husband is allergic. I can't ask them to take in the birds. But they don't deserve to be put to sleep either."
Blaine's heart breaks a little bit and Kurt gives him this looks that leaves no doubt his husband is feeling the same way.
The next few minutes they talk about legal steps and what the two parrots need to be happy.
"Fifty feet? Are you sure?" Kurt asks when the lady who introduces herself as Donna tells them the minimum size of a habitat. "That's gigantic."
"That's the problem," Donna says and she looks sadder with every moment. "I just want them to have a nice place and I'm starting to think that maybe I should just stay in New York."
"No," Blaine quickly says and shakes his head. "No, you should really go with your daughter. Kurt? Can I talk to you for a moment?"
They both want this. That's obvious from the way they look at each other. It's just a discussion about whether or not they're able to. Money isn't the problem. Their productions are going well, so does Kurt's new line. And they both have experience with birds. Even when that experience ended in death, it wasn't really their fault, so they think they're capable. The real issue is space.
"What if we just pull up a wall in the living room?" Blaine asks. It's the biggest room in their apartment.
"An option." Kurt places a finger against his lips and frowns. "Or we tear down the door to the balcony and build the habitat into the dining room with access outside. That could be nice, right? Sitting outside in summer? Watching the birds?"
It's not going to be easy. Because there are regulations to renovations like that and until it's all cleared the birds won't be happy. But unhappy is still better than dead. They talk it all through with Donna and the lady seems relieved and agrees. She also says she's willing to help out in any way she can. It turns out what she actually means is that she will force her son in law who's an architect to help with the planning for the habitat.
They shake hands and are about to leave the shelter to take the birds to their place when a dog sitter takes a bunch of dogs out for a walk. The tiny little terror fuzz from earlier sees Kurt and barks before he wags his tail.
Kurt squints his eyes.
"Maybe next time, little monster," Kurt says and huffs.
Blaine can't help but laugh. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Kurt says, slipping his hand into Blaine's. "Let's take our birds home."
Summary: Eurovision AU pretty much grasps it ;)
Notes: Originally posted in 2013. Written for pastelmikayuu and afterthenovels. Reposted today for thedorkmark In memory of the Greeks who thought that alcohol was free. Lyrics of the song are taken from Krista Siegfrids' song "Marry Me" and don't belong to me.
Word count: ~1,8k
Read on [AO3]
Now that he is standing in front of the big mirror backstage, shooing everyone away who tries to fix his hair ('I can do this myself, thank you'), or challenging his decision to put Blaine in the front row of the background choir ('I don't care whether or not the effect would be better if Santana looks like my love intereste') Kurt is wondering if his outfit was really the right choice. He takes in a deep breath and shakes his head to keep himself from going crazy. This is the Eurovision Song Contest and people expect him to be eccentric and flashy. Still, a part of him wants to be in Paris instead of Malmö right now and that part wants to wear a smoking and do this under the Eiffel tower. But here he is, in a white catsuit, a spiral of Swarovski crystals twirling over his chest. He looks amazing and stupid at the same time but when he checks out his own butt he knows he can pull it off. The minutes are dripping through his fingers and he just wants them to go faster while he's waiting for the girl with the headset and the clipboard who's going to tell him he's up next and Kurt's not sure if he should be afraid of millions of people watching him perform tonight or of the one person who will be standing behind him, swaying and probably looking at him the way nobody else does. A smile escapes his lips when he sees his own eyes sparkle in the mirror. He doesn't have to be scared. Nobody really thinks he'll win anyways and Blaine? Well, Blaine has been his for years and will be his for much longer no matter what will happen tonight.
Kurt inhales one last time and nods at the reflection in the mirror. He's ready. He starts counting to keep himself calm and collected and when he's at two hundred six, the girl with the headset shows up and gives him a small smile. "Kurt? You're up next."
His background singers are already waiting for him. Most people are obviously excited, Santana looks unimpressed and Blaine looks nervous. It's the first time this whole situation sinks in. When they came to Finland three years ago nobody would have guessed that they would very soon sing for the country that has become their home way faster than even they expected. Kurt misses the bagels, Blaine misses American ice cream. Other than that, they're fine. There are only a few people who believe them when they say they don't miss Broadway but everyone who knows their house, everyone who knows how comfortable they are in the small town they have picked to settled down in, can see that they're happy. And now they have the pleasure and the privilege to sing for this country. Kurt surely plans not only to represent their chosen homeland but also to serenade it. It's going to be a musical love letter. He is determined but then, when is he not? It just bothers him a little that Blaine is nervous because that hasn't happened before a performance yet. As far as Kurt knows, stage fright is not even part of Blaine's vocabulary. But his boyfriend is bouncing and his breathing is heavy. Kurt steps closer and grabs Blaine's hand before he pecks his knuckles. "We're going to be amazing."
Blaine tilts his head and looks at him and Kurt feels very much in love and loved in return. It makes his heart flutter and for a short moment he forgets that he is a grown up man and not a twelve year old. They hear the faint sound of applause and immediately the tension is building up. Everything is happening very fast after that. Ms. Headset is waving him out, Kurt is almost running to get to his position. The audience is cheering, the mood is great. There are lights on him and then the band starts playing, his hips move almost from alone. The truth is that it's still slightly uncomfortable because the song has something stalkerish but he's been told that it's how those songs work. He makes sure that he turns halfway around to the background whenever it's about something real and not about Fifty Shades of Weird.
Oh baby, come on, take your shot
I’ll love you endlessly
I do it for you, for you, for you
Yeah, I do it for you, marry me, baby
I’ll play your game, I’ll change my last name
I know where the future’s heading, I can see my perfect wedding
This is the day, I don’t wanna wait much longer now
It's somewhat planned and that's probably the only reason why it won't look weird for the audience. They're supposed to think he's singing to Santana and in the end it's Blaine's turn to step out of the choir and kiss him. It's been a bit of a fight to get that through but they were allowed because of the political situation worldwide right now. If love turns into something free and open in so many parts of the world, then it can't be forbidden at Eurovision. It's a bit against the rules but that's okay.
Only Kurt and his background will really notice that he is making a statement with when exactly he looks back and when he doesn't and it makes him all happy and bubbly when Blaine can't stop smiling when he joins the metaphorical wedding bells.
Oh oh, oh oh oh, ding dong
Oh oh, oh oh oh, ding dong
Oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, ding dong
Oh oh, oh oh oh, ding dong
They sound great, all of them, but Kurt is barely aware of anything other than his boyfriend who keeps swaying. It almost looks like Blaine's singing in a different language because the way his lips form the O's and how his tongue is flicking against the top of his mouth is filled with so much passion that someone might get the idea that they're singing a Katy Perry song. It's so ridiculous that it evolves into something cute. Only Blaine… Kurt has to keep himself from shaking his head and laughing.
He keeps singing and dancing, his shoulders doing their own thing and he doesn't even care. It's not really a kick but a few minutes filled with a very sharp and clear high that is over way too fast. The spotlights are hot, the audience a wave of thunder in his ears. Kurt's cheeks hurt from smiling when Blaine steps forward. It's the moment he has been preparing himself for because he'll now get down on his knees and ask this person if he would want to be his person forever. His mouth is ready to say the right words and Kurt is already halfway down when Blaine beats him to it. He doesn't have a box, just scrunches up his face. "Yes. Yes, I want to marry you."
It literally doesn't make any sense and Kurt is confused for a second until Blaine is chuckling and Kurt understands because this is surreal and completely crazy and somehow exactly the way their proposal should be. "I haven't even asked. And yet you have the answer."
Blaine shrugs, still on his knees, way too relaxed for this situation and he starts to hum the melody of Jeopardy. Kurt pulls Blaine up and wraps his arms around his neck before he presses his cheek against the other man's ear. "What is the answer to my proposal?"
They kiss. They kiss and the thunder of the audience is back and everyone is so confused, Kurt can tell because he'd be confused too. The host is saving him because of course the organization has been aware of Kurt's planned proposal and even when they probably don't really understand what has gone wrong, the outcome is the same and they can give interviews later. Right now they kiss and Blaine's lips are salty and Kurt's are probably too because they're both crying and giggling until they are gently ushered from the stage by another headset girl who, as Kurt notices, is crying too. Behind the stage, Kurt falls back against a cold and industrial wall and smiles at Blaine because it's the only thing he can do. He's a little bit afraid his heart will explode from happiness. "I had a speech planned. It would have been perfect."
Blaine's hands are cupping his face and a gasp escapes Kurt's lips because his fiancé's body is pressing him against the wall. "It was perfect," Blaine whispers before their lips meet again.
The kiss lasts forever before Santana clears her throat. "Only you two idiots manage to actually co-propose. I'm still waiting for Nicholas Sparks to call and write a book based on you. Ryan Gosling will play both male leads because he's the only one who can grasp so much sappiness and still keep the audience from throwing up right at the movies."
They just ignore her and it's easy because her eyes are glassy and she's smiling. After their performance they have a few minutes to be just in love with each other and nothing else before the cameras start to zoom in on the contestants because the voting window has been closed. Kurt reaches for Blaine's hand when they are starting to announce the results country by country. He's staring at the empty fingers and starts laughing. "I'm going to put a ring on this." They are too distracted with each other's lips to hear how Iceland and Ireland have voted.
In the end they stand no chance against Greece because nobody does. There is something magical about free alcohol and that's something not even true love can conquer. Kurt thinks he should have hard feelings about this but he doesn't. Everything's fine. He's going to get married. Greece is celebrating and so is Finland because aside from Lordi they haven't made to top five so a fourth place is great. It's an okay-ish evening for Europe and a perfect evening for Kurt. He stands up and thanks his team – his manager and his background choir and the love of his life for their support. Nobody looks sad even when they didn't win which is a bit of a surprise for Kurt until a faint memory pops into his head. Beats a lousy trophy, don't you think? They get a bottle of champagne and a few glasses and Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's waist, presses himself against his side. Blaine's eyes are beautiful. Nothing new there. Kurt's used to Blaine and that's what makes it so unbelievable and amazing. The performance and the stress take their toll because when his future husband rubs Kurt's back, he realizes that he's really tired. The good kind of tired. The accomplished kind of tired. He brushes his nose against Blaine's neck before he finds a comfortable position. "Minä rakastan sinua," he whispers.
"Really? In Finnish?" Kurt looks up because of the reply and nudges Blaine playfully who just purses his lips and smiles. "I love you too, Kurt."
Ship: Kublam, can be read as friendshippy, though
Word count: ~2k
Summary: The Extolled are gifted creatures who can turn from their human form into something more powerful, something magical. It's the first shift that hurts them the most and Sam Evans is almost certain he won't survive his.
Notes: I don't know how to give warnings for this, so I won't. It's angsty. That's my warning. BELATED BIRTHDAY FIC FOR @multishippinfool I HOPE YOU LIKE IT I LOVE YOU LOTS ♥
Read on [Ao3]
Shifting isn't painful once you're used to it. The Extolled work their magic so the pain gets bearable when your bones get torn apart to be rearranged. The real problem is surviving the first time.
The old families are prepared. When their children grow older and the fevers start, building up the pain and the cramps, they know which herbs to use and what magic to work to help them get through the transformation. Every family has their own strategy. Some of them even poison their sons and daughters, leading them to the brink of death just so their body can go through it all without any pain.
It barely happens that a family of Ungifted receives a child that is Extolled, but it does. Occasionally. Those families don't know about the cruelty of magic and their children barely ever survive.
That's why Sam Evans knows that he's going to die when he recognizes the constant pain his body has been in for weeks as what it really is. Well, to be fair, he didn't recognize it himself. His High Lord did.
Blaine has ancient blood running through his veins. His family has been Extolled since before the beginning of the written word. Their Extolled are dragons, gryphons, manticores, all of them protectors of the realm. The Andersons are warriors and they're rightfully proud of their heritage.
Their youngest son breaks the tradition. He's smaller in his human form and the powers of his Extolled don't come from physical strength. His father, Sam knows as much, isn't pleased about that. His mother, a rock dragon herself, keeps telling Blaine that his place is just as important.
Blaine's a Phoenix. His life is defined by fire so hot it burns his bones. Almost every time he turns his body into his Extolled form it is to die and be reborn. Sam's the one who was chosen to guide his Lord's ashes. A phoenix's ashes can bring the dead back from their graves the same way his tears and his blood can heal wounds. Blaine uses that power. He sometimes spends days in the healing houses, giving as much blood as he can without passing out and Sam is always there with him to make sure that when the cycle ends and the fiery bird takes over Blaine's body, the people don't steal what's not theirs.
Sam knows about the suffering. He knows about the burden that comes with duty. He knows that the Ungifted are also the Uncursed just as much as the Extolled are the ones making their sacrifices for the greater good. He doesn't envy Blaine for his powers and he's almost painfully aware that the young Lord more often than not just needs a friend.
It's Blaine Sam goes too when he feels weak and it's Blaine who lets a drop of his blood fall into Sam's mouth. Only that it's not helping. They keep trying for days and it only gets worse. Blaine talks to his mother but she doesn't find an explanation. There's nothing Phoenix blood can't heal and that leads Blaine to the revelation. "You're shifting."
Sam laughs and shakes his head. "I'm twenty years old. I'm five years late for anything like that and I'm Ungifted."
"I'm telling you," Blaine says and touches Sam's arm. "You're shifting. We have to do something."
It gets worse. Sam's body feels like it wants to shred itself to pieces and after a few days he's lying on the bed unable to move. His chest aches from heaving. His skin is wet with sweat. Blaine is there, cooling his forehead with wet towels and dripping herbal teas into his mouth.
"It's gonna help," Blaine keeps saying again and again but it doesn't feel like it does and Sam spirals.
"I'm gonna die," Sam says after two days of constantly thinking it.
"No, you're not," Blaine says with a calm voice and he touches Sam's cheek. "You can't. Because I need you."
Sam is too tired to feel better from Blaine's smile. "It hurts."
"I know." Blaine's hand reach for another cool towel when Sam arches up from another wave of cramps that make his body spasm. "It will happen soon. And you'll survive. And then I'll teach you everything there is to know. Kurt will be very impressed."
It's Sam's soft spot. The young healer who's usually with them when Blaine helps the sick and injured with his blood. He has skin like honey milk and eyes like an early night sky, blueish grey with speckles of gold. Kurt always makes sure that Blaine feels comfortable and he always brings Sam hot chocolate as well.
"He…" Sam frowns when he forgets what he wanted to say mid-sentence. The fever is clouding his mind. Then he remembers. "Oh. Yes. He doesn't want me. He wants you."
Blaine doesn't look surprise. "Or maybe he can't decide. Maybe he doesn't have to."
Sam feels like he should understand the meaning behind that, but he can't. He can't do anything anymore. It hurts too much. "Please, Blaine…"
The name doesn't bother Blaine. He doesn't push for his title, not with Sam. "Not much longer."
"No," Sam says and his fingers grip Blaine's shirt and hold it tight. "Please give me Nightgown."
Blaine's lips tighten into a thin line. "No."
Years ago, when Blaine shifted for the first time, he was given his family's poison and he almost died from it. The Anderson's are famous for it. Not all their children survive. But the once that do are powerful and shift without pain.
"Please, Blaine," Sam begs again. "Please, it hurts so much. I won't last like this."
Sam sounds exhausted even in his own ears and he can tell from the look on Blaine's face that his Lord knows. He will either help with the poison that might be too much for Sam's body or he will have to watch Sam die because he's not strong enough to shift. The poison at least gives them a chance.
Wordless, Blaine leaves the room and he comes back ten minutes later with a small vile filled with a clear golden liquid. Blaine smiles as he opens it. "It's very sweet. You'll like it."
Sam relaxes a little bit and smiles back. "Thank you, Blaine. For everything."
"You're welcome." Blaine sits down and supports Sam's neck while he tips the vile against his lips. "I'll see you on the other side."
Darkness takes Same after that. He's aware that his eyes close, but not of anything after that. He doesn't know that his muscles finally relax, his body cools down. He can't feel his body shift and grow. He doesn't know that Blaine is watching in awe until all is over and the magic that's been causing so much pain is released. He can't feel that the drained body of his Extolled longs to be human again and starts to shift back. He doesn't know he stops breathing when he's himself again. He can't feel his heart stop.
***
Blaine mourns his friend. He sinks down on Sam's unmoving chest and cries until he feels tired from his own tears. His tears don't help against death. His eyes fall on the Nightgown and his heart can't choose sides between rage and despair. He keeps crying, keeps mumbling quiet words to beg Sam to come back, but Sam's body doesn't get warm again. His lips turn pale and his eyes remain closed.
It takes a while for Blaine to have his moment of clarity. When he does, he jumps up and leaves the room. He locks the door behind him. The last thing he wants is for someone to find Sam's body and bring it away.
He spurs his horse on to ride hard and fast. The stallion screams when Blaine's heels hit his flanks but he's at the healing house within less than an hour. Blaine all but jumps from his horse and Kurt must have seen it from a window, because he comes out the door before Blaine can reach it. "What happened?"
"I need your help," Blaine says quickly and he tells Kurt what he needs to know.
There are questions in Kurt's eyes but they will have to wait. Time is important in moments like this. Blaine can only bring back to life what is still there. Once Sam's body starts to wither away, he won't be the same anymore.
They hurry back to the mansion, Kurt sitting on Blaine's horse behind his lord, his arms wrapped tightly around Blaine's waist. Blaine can hear Kurt crying and feel his occasional sobs, but he doesn't comment on it. He can fix this.
Together they take the stairs up to Sam's room and Blaine unlocks the door. Kurt goes in first, his cheeks wet from tears as he steps closer and gently takes Sam's hand.
Blaine watches a second. His heart feels heavy as he locks the door once more and slips out of his clothes.
"Wait," Kurt says and stands up to cup Blaine's face. "What will do this to you?"
"Nobody can tell," Blaine says with a sad smile and he quickly leans in to brush his lips against Kurt's lips. They both stare at each other for a long moment. "I've been waiting to do this for a while."
Kurt's eyes fill with tears again. "I don't want to lose you too."
"You won't," Blaine tries to reassure Kurt and he pulls him into a hug. "It might not even matter."
"What if it's your heart? What if I take a part of your brain?" Kurt starts to shake and Blaine holds him even closer.
"You won't. Everything will be fine."
Then he steps away and slips out of his pants as well. Kurt is used to naked bodies and the moment has nothing intimate. Still, Blaine wishes it could have been under different circumstances.
He closes his eyes and unleashes his Extolled. The Phoenix brakes free with flames so light they turn the dark chamber bright as day. The golden bird screeches and flutters his wings before Blaine concentrates and he heats himself up further. He reaches the point where he can't return and his own flames start to lick at his feathers. The pain kicks in a moment after that. The Phoenix screeches and burns. The bird's flesh turns black and then grey. When the fire goes out, there's nothing left, but ashes.
***
Kurt hesitates for a moment, but then kneels down and takes a spoon full of ashes to dissolve it into some water. He's still crying when he opens Sam's mouth and lets the precious fluid run past his lips. The moment the ashes on the floor start to move, Sam's heart starts to beat again. Kurt can feel it strong beneath his hand and then his friend's chest starts to move when Sam drags in his first breath.
***
The Phoenix needs time. Sam's the one who's back first. His eyes flutter open and look at Kurt confused. Kurt brushes a strand of hair out of his forehead and explains. What Blaine did. What it means.
Sam wraps himself into a blanket and Kurt leans into him. They need each other's warmth while they watch the Phoenix put himself back together. The firebird gives one last cooing sound before his magic is gone and he turns back to Blaine. Kurt covers his mouth while Sam jumps up and falls to his knees in front of his friend and Lord.
"No," Sam whispers and touches Blaine's face.
"It's okay," Blaine says and his hand covers the place where his right eye used to be. It's gone now. "I'm okay. I'm happy you're back."
Sam just shakes his head, guilt gnawing away at him. They hug each other, hold each other tight. Blaine keeps saying that it's okay. Sam keeps feeling bad.
Then suddenly they feel Kurt next to them and pull apart to look at the young healer. Kurt's eyes are sad but soft.
"I'm really happy that you're back, Sam," Kurt says while he unties the knot of his scarf. When he pulls it off, he looks at Blaine. "And I'm really happy you did this for him even when it cost you. You're still beautiful, my Lord. Even more so now. At least in my eyes."
Sam watches as Kurt places his scarf over Blaine's eye and ties it behind his head. When Kurt pulls away again, Blaine is smiling. His left eye is sparkling. The gold of the Phoenix shines through it. Sam tilts his head. Kurt's right. Blaine is still beautiful.
"Hey," Sam says when he remembers why they are in this situation in the first place, "what even am I?"
Blaine grins and ruffles Sam's hair. "A Kelpie."
"Kelpie?" Sam says with a broad smile.
"Mhm," Blaine says and scrunches his nose. "Who wants to go for a swim and ride on a real sea horse?"
"I do!" Kurt says and jumps to his feet.
"Great, because I do too," Blaine adds and pushes himself up as well.
Sam takes their hands as they help him up and he's pouting. "I want too. And I can't."
"That's because you are the sea horse, my dear," Kurt says and pats Sam's cheeks. "But don't worry, I'll have sugar cubes for you afterwards.
Sam's pout disappears at that and his eyes light up. He loves sugar. Blaine laughs and kisses his cheek. Sam can feel his heart flutter. Kurt kisses the other. More fluttering. He's a Kelpie. Extolled. Gifted. He looks at Blaine who gave an eye for him and then at Kurt. They're all smiling. Gifted.
Word count: 2,697
Summary: Hell is invaded and everyone who lives there becomes a refugee on Earth. One of them is Blaine Anderson. Loosely based on this prompt.
Warnings: Smut and a tiny moment of... demonphobia? Also, if you’re sensitive about faith and religion, you probably shouldn’t read this either.
Read on [Ao3]
The official name the governments agreed on was Ephiphania Diabolica. Diabolic Epiphany. Some people called it Doomsday or the Day of Reckoning. The truth was somewhere in the in the middle and yet no name could quite grasp it. Because all hell had broken loose. Quite literally.
The devil himself, Lucifer Morningstar, had made his appearance, reminding people that he was still one of God's Archangels. The form he chose to show himself in caused some uproar. A man in his early thirties, with rosy skin and light blonde hair. His eyes were golden. After the initial confusion and fear, the boulevard press recovered fast. Headlines like Handsome Devil or The Devil Wears Armani weren't unusual anymore. Satan knew how to dress himself, how to talk to people, especially the media, and he had enough influence just by existing that rarely anyone could resist him. He used that for himself, but who wouldn't?
Hell was overrun. Something older and darker than Hell's angels and demons, their monsters and lost deities had taken control. Souls were slaughtered, ceased from existence. You know it's bad when the Devil begs for mercy, but that was what he did. He apologized to humanity, to his Heavenly Father, to several prophets of several religions including Jesus, all the Saints, the angels, and with a grin he added that he apologized to everything any religion ever blamed him for doing. He just needed refuge. For himself and all the lost souls who needed a safe place. The new monsters couldn't cross the borders. Sunlight killed them, even the faint reflection from the moon.
People had been cautious at first. Everyone would have been. But after almost a year of Lucifer not killing anyone or tempting them to do something really horrible, humanity handed out chances. This might had something to do with the fact that New Moons brought the monsters out and the demons were the only one strong enough to fight them off for at least one night of the month. Humans were never truly selfless.
The Lords of Hell were still kept under guard. Lucifer and his generals were kept away from the public eye unless Satan had to make an announcement. In those cases he usually took a good chunk of air time of every news show around the world.
He was still this untouchable entity nobody could understand because he floated in his own bubble between evil and good. His demons were far more approachable. They blended in with humanity and sometimes they didn't even stick out too much. They were mischievous, occasionally a bit mean or harsh, but they were able to adapt. The only thing that always showed their true nature no matter how hard they tried to mix with the crowd were the horns that grew from their foreheads and the fact that their eyes turned black when the sun went down.
Years later Kurt Hummel would tell the story how he would have fallen in love way earlier had he met Blaine during day. Blaine would always blush and playfully bump shoulders with his boyfriend and Kurt would peck his cheek. "I mean it. I wouldn't have stood a chance against those eyes of yours."
Blaine Anderson was about two thousand years old. He had been a young Celtic druid, sacrificed for Toutatis and therefore part of his entourage. With his dark curls and his big golden eyes, Toutatis favored him above many others and mostly used him as a human sized singing bird. Blaine spent his mornings and afternoons playing music for the pagan god. Toutatis wanted filled days, but peaceful nights. As soon as the cold blue of the sky started to be washed out by yellows and oranges, Blaine was free to go and he usually spent his time wandering around and staring at things that hadn't existed at his time. (At their second date, Blaine admitted that he had spent the first hour walking on Earth just looking down at the pavement and occasionally touching it. He still wasn't over skyscrapers.)
What led Blaine to Kurt was rock music. The lights of the city were glowing in the night and Blaine entered a small diner that was buzzing with activity. Blaine saw none of that. His eyes were fixed on the young man who was singing with a few other people. Another man bobbed his head in the rhythm of the song and played an invisible guitar while the real song came from gigantic black boxes in the corners. Blaine's eyes widened before he remembered that he'd seen this before. Those instruments could imitate every other and even human voice. A true miracle.
His eyes drifted back to the man singing and a moment later a woman took the lead which made the man smile and shimmy his shoulders. They enjoyed themselves. The melody was unlike anything Blaine had ever heard, but it spoke to him on an almost existential level. He loved this song. He had to learn how to play it.
When the music stopped, Blaine quickly crossed the room, bumping against a few people who glared at him even when he always apologized. He finally reached the small group of people who had given their impromptu performance and he shyly tapped the young man's shoulder. Dark blue eyes widened as they flickered to his horns and Blaine immediately blushed.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you," Blaine said quickly and taking a small step back. Humans liked it when they had some personal space. "I just wanted to tell you that I really loved that song and maybe you could tell me what it was?"
The other man's skeptic look turned into curiosity and then into something more relaxed. "It was Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen."
"Crazy Little Thing Called love," Blaine repeated, carving the words into his memory. Then he smiled. "Thank you. It's a really great song."
The other man nodded and held out his hand. "I'm Kurt."
Blaine looked down at Kurt's fingers and then into his eyes. Storm eyes, Blaine thought, and then they shook hands. "Blaine."
That night, Kurt bought Blaine a drink. It was an Appletini and the most delicious thing Blaine had ever had in his mouth. At least up to that day.
***
The next time they met, it was a date. At least almost. Kurt had said that he wanted to see Blaine again and they wanted to meet Friday around sundown in a little music shop Kurt told Blaine he just had to see.
For hours they looked through sheets of music and CDs. Whenever Kurt was particularly excited about a song, he started to sing it for Blaine before he pulled out his phone and showed him a music video. Blaine was more fascinated with the phone and YouTube than with the songs, but he tried his best to focus whenever he saw that a song meant something to Kurt.
They left the store with three bags of sheet music and lots of time to spare. Kurt informed Blaine that the next day was his day off and invited him for ice cream and a movie night to his apartment. Blaine got excited over that. He'd heard about ice cream. Frozen sweet milk that tasted like apples or strawberries. That sounded heavenly.
When he was confronted with Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough, he came to the realization that a lost soul from hell didn't know a thing what heaven could taste like. It was the most delicious thing Blaine had ever had in his mouth. At least up to that day.
***
The next time they met, they talked through the night until the sun came up. Kurt was rambling about something when the first ray of light sneaked through the window and Blaine's vision cleared. It was the moment Kurt suddenly stopped talking and his breath hitched in his throat.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked.
Kurt needed a moment before he could breathe out. "Your eyes. They are beautiful."
Blaine smiled and looked down. His eyes were the reason he had been picked for the god. He told Kurt. "They're the reason I met you."
They stared at each other for a few minutes that stretched into eternity. Then Blaine suddenly jumped up. "I have to go. Toutatis is waiting."
"Hold on," Kurt said, running after him to the door. He grabbed something from the kitchen counter and shoved it into Blaine's hand. "Belgian chocolates. I bought them for you because you said you'd never had chocolate."
Blaine didn't think when he leaned in to peck Kurt's cheek. "Thank you"
He ate the chocolate on his way to the god. It was the most delicious thing Blaine had ever had in his mouth. At least up to that day.
***
The weeks passed, then the months. They shared first touches. Then their first kiss. Blaine didn't know his heart could beat so fast. He asked Toutatis if he could maybe spend more time in the mortal world and even though his master wasn't pleased, the god allowed it. In return he wanted to hear this young man sing that took away his favorite sacrifice.
Two weeks later Kurt sang in front of one of Hell's generals and Toutatis told Blaine to hold onto what's good and right in front of him.
They started to hold hands in public after that. It wasn't easy. Their relationship was frowned upon on more than one level, but they didn't care. And Blaine had the bonus of his horns and – at night – his pitch black eyes. People were scared of him and most of the time they left them alone.
And then one day, someone spit in Kurt's face.
Blaine wanted to cry over that. He couldn't stand the thought that he young man who had always treated him with so much kindness, had welcomed him to this world with an open mind and an open heart, was hurt because of that.
He thought long and hard how to make up for it and then he gathered his own friends. There was Rory, the twins from the Northern Lands, and Roderick, all of them sacrifices or priests of Toutatis. Blaine couldn't play the black music boxes, but they had fiddles, a harp, the Bodhrán and a flute. Above everything, Blaine had his voice.
The met at the Spotlight Diner that night and when Kurt entered, Blaine started to play his very own version of Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Music was about life for all of them, about keeping the shadows away and eternity short. Blaine fueled his voice with his love for the moment and for Kurt's smile. The room was ecstatic. They loved it and asked for more, but Blaine hadn't prepared for more. Just this one song. Their song.
He crossed the room, much like the first time they had met, but this time he was already looking into Kurt's eyes and there was no doubt in them anymore. Blaine smiled and pulled him close for a small kiss.
"I love you," Blaine said quietly and they brushed their noses together. "As long as I love you, I won't let them hurt you."
"I hope you love me for a long time," Kurt said with a wink and then he grew serious. "I love you too."
That Blaine had meant forever wasn't spoken out loud. They both knew, though.
***
They had been at this point before. Intimacy was important to humans, Blaine knew that by now. But he had been a virgin sacrifice, untouched and even unseen. It was big for him, way bigger than for Kurt and after talking a very long time about it, Kurt had Blaine known that he would just wait. For as long as it would take.
After the song in the diner, the kiss, their admission of love, it felt right. Blaine slipped out of his clothes slowly while Kurt was standing in front of him and mirrored his every move until they were completely naked.
"You're beautiful," Kurt whispered quietly and stepped closer to slowly kiss Blaine's lips and then his neck.
Blaine closed his eyes and placed his hands on Kurt's hips. The skin was soft and warm. He said, "You're beautiful too."
They lay down and for a long time they just kissed. Their lips were an anchor point time and again. Whenever they were done exploring another part of each other's body, they found the other one there. Blaine realized that he found himself as well.
After a while, Blaine noticed how Kurt became more urgent. The traces of his kisses became longer and his tongue and his teeth started to play with the dips and curves of his body. Blaine had soft flesh, memories of his youth, that Kurt took his time with as he sucked dark marks into them before he went further down.
Blaine was amazed that his body knew what to do. He was nervous, but his legs spread for Kurt and his eyes closed when his hips rolled up just a little bit.
Kurt chuckled. "Patience. Just a little bit patience."
"I've waited two thousand years," Blaine remarked and scrunched his nose. "Patience is my second name."
Kurt just grinned and reached for a tiny bottle with clear gel. Blaine frowned until Kurt explained. He had known about the oils they used in his time, but lube sounded like a way greater invention. So did condoms.
Blaine struggled a little bit, so Kurt decided to lie down on his back and Blaine could take all his time to roll it on before they switched positions again.
"It's easier if you get on your hands and knees," Kurt said and kissed Blaine again before they couldn't look each other in the eyes anymore.
Blaine rested his forearms on his pillow and arched his back. Then he closed his eyes and just took it all in. The first touch. Kurt's lips kissing the small of his back. A finger pressed against his most personal spot. Blaine let out a low moan and rocked back when he was entered, but Kurt still went slowly. Slowly and gently.
It felt odd at first, but then it started to turn into pure pleasure. Kurt moved his finger and then added a second, eventually a third. Blaine was shivering by the time Kurt pulled his fingers out again and he was so sure he knew what was about to come before Kurt pushed slowly into him. Blaine had been so wrong.
He whimpered and then took deep breaths while his body seemed to work around Kurt on its own accord. They both stilled after a few moments and then Kurt started to move. His pace was constant and not too overwhelming. Just enough to give Blaine an idea and to make him beg for more eventually.
They fell into their rhythm together. Faster and faster and faster until Blaine wasn't thinking anymore. They became one.
Kurt leaned over him, pushing into him with more weight while his fingers wrapped around Blaine and started to stroke. It didn't take long after that.
When Blaine cried out in pure bliss, he felt human again.
***
The sun came. Blaine was awake. He felt tired. Lost souls didn't feel tired. They didn't sleep.
Kurt opened his storm blue eyes and smiled, then frowned. His fingers touched Blaine's forehead. "Your horns…"
Blaine touched his own head and found nothing but smooth skin. The signs of the devil were gone. They didn't understand it, not until way later. A second epiphany. That love can make the curse of hell undone. In that moment, Kurt and Blaine didn't know about that, but they felt it. Deep inside their bones.
Smiling, always smiling, they kissed and touched and then Blaine was the one who went down. Small kisses. Over Kurt's chest, his stomach, his hips. Down, further down. One last smile, his eyes finding Kurt's, then his lips parted and with a soft sigh closed around hardening flesh.
It was the most delicious thing Blaine had ever had in his mouth.
elskerklaine reblogged your photo:BLAINE ANDERSON BIG BANG 2016LOVE IS… Pairing:...
Nice idea, fun to read. I liked that Blaine was the “reluctant” one; I feel that it’s more often Kurt.
Thank you so much for reading and for the comment! ♥ The whole reason I started this story is because I wanted to flip this around and see what it’s like if Blaine’s the one who doesn’t want. I’m glad that it seemed to work. :)
Written for blangstpromptoftheday #848: Blaine was born with a heart defect and was ultimately fitted with a pacemaker when he was very young. Present day Blaine- the pacemaker stops working and he collapses in the middle of class/glee club/on the subway in NYC. Kurt isn’t there so he doesn’t find out til later that his boyfriend/fiancé nearly died. [Ao3]
Escape rhythm. That's what they call it.
When Blaine's pacemaker got a new battery three years ago the EMT offered to run a simulation with him. He suppressed the impulse of the small device that kept his heart going on purpose to show him what it would feel like in case of a very, very rare emergency.
The memory is vivid, especially right now that he has to get through it again. He feels like death warmed over and the knowledge that his heart is beating at thirty beats per minute makes him feel sick. Like back when the EMT stopped his pacemaker Blaine doesn't feel lightheaded, but he expects it. The lack of feeling how horrible it really is, that's the worst part. He tries not to panic. Thirty beats per minute. His escape rhythm.
It's a bit ironic that they call it that. As if he could escape his own heart.
Blaine leans heavily against the window of the subway train. He keeps one hand pressed against his chest even when he can't feel his weak heartbeat through his shirt. There are a lot of people around him. Dozens. Nobody seems to care that his pulse is practically nonexistent. That's New York. You deal with your own stuff and if it means dying over it, then that's your problem and yours alone.
He just wanted to install the new lamp. A surprise for Kurt because they had this little fight about it and Blaine wanted to show him that the result would look good. He had turned off the electricity for the kitchen area. Or at least he thought he had. When he took the old lamp down there was a jolt that made him fall off the ladder. The lamp came crashing down next to him. It wasn't a strong shock. Enough to hurt a grown up person, for sure. Electricity had some bite, but it wouldn't have been particularly dangerous. But.
But Blaine is wearing a pacemaker.
He moans quietly when his chest feels so tight that he can barely breathe. It's this almost ghostlike sound that draws the attention of the woman next to him. She doesn't touch him, but she leans forward to get a better look. "Are you okay, young man?"
The lady is well in her fifties, her hair is dark grey and perfectly styled. Blaine likes something about her. It makes him not brush his situation off. "An accident. I need a hospital."
The woman stares at him with wide eyes and Blaine wonders if he said something wrong. "What's wrong? Why didn't you call 911?"
Two very good questions. He can only answer the first one.
"My heart," he says and frowns. "I'm wearing a pacemaker. I was stupid. Touched a cable."
Then he touches his pockets. He has his wallet because his health insurance card and his device registration card are in there and he knows he has to bring those if he wants a check-up. But no phone. He doesn't even wear a coat. He should have thought of that.
The lady looks at the man next to her who is staring too now.
"Do you know where the next hospital is?" she asks him and he nods. He says something to her in return and the tone in his voice makes Blaine believe that they know each other. When the lady turns around again she looks very determined. A little bit like Kurt when he wants something. "I think you're in shock. My husband and I will get you to a hospital, okay? It's not far so we're getting out of here the next station and take a cab. Faster than an ambulance. Do you understand?"
Blaine nods and he's so grateful that he wants to cry. He's not alone. "Thank you so much."
The woman smiles softly and touches his shoulder. "No problem. Is there anything we can do for you until we get there? What's your name? I'm Angela."
"Blaine." He nods at Angela's husband too who says that his name is Henry. "I just need a doctor."
Fast. Because his escape rhythm won't let him escape forever and if his heart stops beating then that will be a pretty huge problem. Blaine thinks about it in straight lines, weirdly detached. He knows all the medical terms, what will happen to him on his way from a functioning human to a non-functioning body.
His train of thoughts gets interrupted when the actual train he's in is getting slower and finally comes to a halt. Angela and Henry help him out. They take the elevator. It's little work, but Blaine still feels so tired that he can barely hold himself upright. When they haul a cab he feels dizzy and he says as much. Angela looks worried and tells the cab driver to go fast.
They do make it to the hospital in time, but it's not enough to get inside. There's a family a few feet in front of them and Blaine sees how the glass doors of the building open for the two little girls and what looks like their parents, but he can't reach it himself. His feet won't carry him anymore. He stops and Henry's grip around his arm tightens, but he still falls.
The world narrows.
Blaine hits the ground and there's a strange and high pitched sound in his ears. What he doesn't hear is blood rushing. Or a steady pounding in his ears. There's nothing there. He knows that his heart stopped beating. It's the last thought on his mind before his eyes fall closed and everything disappears.
***
Kurt hasn't gotten Gone, Gone, Gone out of his head all day. He will hate this song in the future. He will call it the most cruel joke of destiny and he'll curse it whenever he hears it. For now it makes his thumbs hit the shopping bags in his hands every time the rhythm makes him want to move. Today feels like a dance day in general. They have those occasionally, when either he or Blaine are so bouncy that they can't sit still. Sometimes they even put the tables aside to have more room to dance through the apartment. Kurt smiles. Blaine will love to hear that he's in the mood to dance.
He unlocks the door, ready to finally see his fiancé, only to be greeted with chaos. There's a ladder in the middle of the room and the horrible lamp Blaine had to buy is lying on the ground next to their beautiful old one that looks shattered. Kurt doesn't want to feel angry, but he can't help it. They agreed to talk about this hideous thing once more before hanging it up and that Blaine obviously abandoned the place like this makes it worse. Probably to buy some sort of fancy tool he needed to get the lamp up in the first place.
Kurt takes three deep breaths and fights his urge to call Blaine immediately to share his thoughts without being offered as much as a penny for them. He puts away the groceries, makes himself a cup of tea, sits down and waits.
When the call comes he expects it to be Blaine. He's ready to bite his tongue, but then there's an Unknown Caller and Kurt frowns. The people from the play he auditioned for aren't supposed to call him back before Monday, but it's the only reason he can think of why someone would call him with an unknown number. He's cautious when he picks up. "Hello?"
"Is this Kurt Hummel?"
Kurt confirms that it's him and then his world breaks apart. There's a woman on the phone and she explains. What hospital. That Blaine's alive. That they aren't sure what made his pacemaker stop. Something about a cable. Kurt stares at the ladder and the lamp and his own heart skips a beat because he was so angry at Blaine for leaving like this.
Blaine, whose heart stopped.
Blaine, who almost died.
He hangs up the phone and grabs his jacket, sees Blaine's in the very last moment and takes that one too. Maybe Blaine's cold. Maybe Blaine will need it. It's a ridiculous thought, but it's the only thing he can do. Storming out he forgets to lock the door so he has to run back and take care of it. Precious minutes that won't come back. He's running downstairs to make up for it. The cab can't go fast enough, but finally he's at the hospital. The glass doors open in front of him and Kurt feels heat rise behind his eyes, but he won't let himself cry. Not now. He has to be strong, or he won't get the information he needs.
Hospitals can be a maze. Kurt searches for Ariadne's thread, but there are too many paths he could follow and he gets lost twice before he finally reaches the info point of the ER. Half an hour later, after some bureaucracy and some explanations Kurt could barely follow he walks down the hallway until he finds Blaine's room.
He knocks. Of course nobody tells him to come in. When he enters the room, Blaine's asleep. He will probably wake up in a couple of hours and Kurt will be right there. Out of nowhere this stupid song pops right back into his head and it's so painful that it makes him cry. It also makes him sing.
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.
Kurt places his hand on Blaine's chest, right under the bandage that covers the fresh wound from his surgery. A new pacemaker. Kurt's dad has one, Kurt's fiancé has one… If they continue like this he'll soon have to get one himself because whenever something like this happens his heart lays bare and it usually remains sore for months.
The steady rhythm that beats against his palm helps a little. At some point today he wouldn't have felt a thing and that frightens Kurt more than anything else.
When Blaine told him that he was wearing a pacemaker, back in Dalton, Kurt asked a lot of questions and each answer made him worry more. Blaine just started to laugh and it's still ringing in Kurt's ears how he said, "Pacemakers don't stop working."
Kurt's done his research too and it's true. Small high tech devices with countless safety measures to make sure that everything keeps working. Battery changes, check-ups, replacements – everything always planned upfront. Blaine has always been great with schedules and that he's taking it so seriously even after all these years is the reason Kurt doesn't worry.
Only that Blaine almost died today. And Kurt worries a lot.
His hand wanders down from Blaine's heart to the hand without an injection port and Kurt's fingers curl around it. The Beatles song he sang for his dad comes to mind as well and Kurt hates that one too. He hates both songs. In the end he bites down on his lower lip and doesn't sing at all. He just looks at Blaine and how his curls slowly break free, how his lashes rest on his cheeks, how his chest falls and rises. He doesn't beg Blaine to open his eyes, doesn't want to rush the boy who hasn't quite become a man in New York just yet even when he will soon enough. Kurt doesn't doubt that for a moment.
"Take your time," he whispers, not sure if he means waking or growing up. "I'm not going anywhere."
***
When Blaine opens his eyes Kurt is there. He's mildly confused, but the memory comes back in small waves and there's a doctor present who fills the gaps. A lot of questions get asked and then there's this speech about safety measurements and electrocution. Blaine wants to roll his eyes, but he's too polite for that and if he's honest and fair then he has to admit that he deserves every sermon people will give him.
When the doctor leaves them Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand and takes a deep breath. "I wanted to surprise you with the lamp."
"You died." Kurt's voice isn't as distant as it should be carrying words like that. "Your heart stopped beating and if it wasn't for this woman you wouldn't have come back to me."
Angela. Blaine will have to ask where she went. He has to thank her. She doesn't look like the flower type, but maybe a scarf and a box of chocolates. Right now there are more important things. "Kurt?"
"Hm?"
Blaine straightens up as much as he can. He feels worn out. "What song did you ruin for me?"
And there it is. Kurt's smile. Small, but strong enough to make Blaine's heart beat faster. "Gone, Gone, Gone."
Blaine smacks his lips and shakes his head. "I hate that song."
"Me too." Kurt laughs, but a tear rolls down his cheeks. "You have no idea."
Kurt hasn't seen the new Spider Man movie, though. "Want a reason to hate it more?" There's a spark in Kurt's eyes. He's suspicious and this time it's Blaine who has to laugh. "Don't worry, no more stunts from my side. I just want to watch the last Spider Man movie with you. Because we haven't seen it together and I still hold that against you."
With a sigh Kurt stands up from the plastic chair that looks incredibly uncomfortable and curls up next to him on the tiny hospital bed. "We can watch whatever you want. Just as long as we call a professional to hang that lamp for us."
"My lamp?" Blaine places a soft kiss against Kurt's forehead? "Our lamp?"
There is a huff that's probably supposed to sound more annoyed, but turns out to be simply adorable. "Yes, Blaine. That Quasimodo among lamps. You're also forbidden to ever go to a flea market alone again. Or electrocute yourself. Or die."
It's something Blaine is more than willing to accept. They kiss properly this time. Kurt rubs his lips apart and slides their tongues together. Blaine becomes aware that he needs chapstick. Still, they both sigh softly and until they have to stop to catch their breath it's a perfect moment. Then the hospital returns and there's a sad look in Kurt's eyes.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Blaine whispers.
Kurt shakes his head. "I love you."
"Love you too." They kiss again. Briefly. Blaine smiles. "I think I realized something."
"What's that?"
There's a beat in his chest like a steady drum. Blaine can't help kissing Kurt once more. "You're my escape rhythm. It'll never stop beating for you."
Summary: Blaine wants to meet his soulmate more than anything - until he realizes how fragile love can be. From that moment on he refuses to go out there and open himself up for the thing he’s always longed for. If he doesn’t meet his soulmate, there’s nothing to fear, right? Only life has different plans for him and every road not taken leads him straight to the man he’s never wanted to meet. A soulmate story.
Author’s note: Written for the Blaine Anderson Big Bang 2015. Warnings first: There's the necessary evil of homophobia and violence in this story. Other than that I think it's pretty safe to read, but if it bothers you, then maybe this story might be triggering for you.Now to the more pleasant part: I want to thank @greninjaaaa for her gorgeous art for this post and if you're on tumblr, you should definitely give it some love. ♥
A special thanks as well to the mods of the Big Bang who showed way more patience with me than I deserved. Thank you for organizing this amazing event that gives us the chance to get in touch with more people.And last but not least, the person who was forced to read this entire thing with all its glorious mistakes. Thanks to @frumiousme for being my beta. I wasn't the easiest candidate for this job, but you helped tremendously.Thanks to everyone who's reading, especially those who might leave me a comment. I hope you enjoy the ride. ♥
...a melody
The first time Blaine falls in love is unconventional but not uncommon. He watches A Wonderful Life with his family on Christmas morning when he's four years old and falls head over heels in love with Jimmy Stewart. (Years later he'll still be in love with Jimmy Stewart's hairstyle, but that's a different story.)
It's the moment the hero of the epic Christmas story promises Donna Reed the moon that he jumps up from the sofa and runs to the TV, his tiny fingers pressed against the glass as he turns around to his family and declares that he wants to marry this man.
That's also his coming out. But Blaine doesn't know that at the time. He just knows that he must have said something wrong because his mom's eyes are wide and his dad's eyebrows are bunched together. Cooper is laughing. Little Blaine starts to feel silly, he turns around one more time to look at the man he wants to marry and then he crawls back on the couch to snuggle up with his mom.
From that moment on, Blaine's life is an endless stream of crushes. He falls in love with Hollywood actors, with animated princes (Prince Philip is his favorite merely because he's very impressed with the red cape), with babysitters and his first piano teacher, Dan.
Then, when he starts to understand what it means that he likes girls but doesn't want to marry them, Blaine's one sided affections become more secretive, but they don't stop. To him, it becomes obvious that he was born this way. He loves to love. He wants it. More than anything, he longs for his happy ending.
One day in fifth grade the teacher asks them what love is. Blaine asks if he can think about the question. Every day he tries to come up with a really good answer, but nothing seems to describe what Blaine really wants. So when the teacher asks again a week later, Blaine tries to be very careful.
"I'm not sure," Blaine says, "I could be wrong, but I think love is when your soul finds the melody to the song your heart wants to sing for the rest of all eternity."
Some students laugh about that, but the teacher smiles and Blaine knows that at least he hasn't given the wrong answer.
And then he really falls in love. He's fifteen years old. He's finally gathered enough courage to come out of the closet and he's friends with Thomas, the only other openly gay kid at his school. For a while Blaine wants to be ‘just friends’ with him because what they have means a lot to him and he doesn't want to screw things up. But then there's this Sadie Hawkins Dance and Blaine really wants to go so he thinks, why the hell not? Thomas agrees to go with him and they have so much fun together. They dance and laugh, and it feels so right to be there, all dressed up with this other boy whose eyes light up when he smiles.
Blaine has this plan that when Thomas' parents pick them up, he's going to lean over in the car and kiss his cheek. Then Thomas will know that they could be something more and things will unfold. And maybe Thomas is Blaine's soulmate.
If he could meet this one person so early in life. That would be awesome. Blaine gets excited every time he thinks about it. The only thing that gets frustrating from time to time is that nobody can really explain it because it's different for everyone. Sometimes people get a mark on their wrist or across their heart. Sometimes they see sparks appear around their soulmate. Some people have even said that their world became more colorful when they met the one. His parents were just walking down the road when suddenly they felt the need to turn around. There was a pull that didn't let them walk any further and then, when they turned around and their eyes met, everything around them stopped.
It doesn't always happen when people meet for the first time. Sometimes it happens way later. That's why he believes Thomas could really be it. Because Blaine gets butterflies every time he thinks about spending time together. They'll kiss and sparks will fly.
After a night of dancing, they’re exhausted in the best way. Blaine can’t stop grinning as he looks at Thomas who offers him his arm and shrugs against the cold. Blaine's breath is forming white clouds in the night. The boys smile at each other. Then there's a sound behind them. And that's the last thing Blaine remembers.
...slavery
They tell Blaine that he can consider himself lucky.
You could have died.
That's the sentence they use at first. Until he's a little bit more awake. Until he starts to remember bits and pieces. Until he asks questions. After he knows the truth, the sentence changes.
You could have died, too.
Blaine doesn't really consider himself lucky. He's still in love with this person who has turned from something present into something past from one moment to another. He can still feel the butterflies, he still wants to see the other boy smile. But it's just not going to happen.
The worst thing is when his mom sits down next to him and takes his hand, her eyes glassy from tears she doesn't let fall because she wants to be strong for him. She asks him this question, whether or not he was the one. Blaine can only shake his head. His mom is so relieved after that. She stands up and hugs him tightly while Blaine just wants to turn back time. He wanted to find out whether or not Thomas was his soulmate so badly. But not like this. He doesn't want to know from the pain not being strong enough, even though it's a solid throbbing in his chest that sends a hollow numbness through his entire body and his mind as well.
Losing a soulmate would have been way more agonizing. There's physical pain involved, loss of consciousness. People can die of a broken heart even in relationships without a solid bond, but with soulmates it can happen within hours. It doesn't have to, but it's common.
Blaine will get over Thomas. And he feels so guilty about that. There's someone out there, right in that moment, who feels all the pain Blaine feels but tenfold and he probably never got the chance to meet the cute guy from Westerville, Ohio. And the worst part is that maybe that's for the best. Because it gets harder once you meet them. You don't have the strength to get back on your feet again once you meet them.
---
What Blaine doesn't know is that only a couple miles away, Kurt Hummel lies in his bed and can't sleep. He feels feverish. Every muscle in his body aches and he starts crying at the most stupid things. It's been like that for a couple of days and no doctor has a real explanation other than maybe the early symptoms of a flu. Only his father gives him this look, and wonders. But he doesn't say anything. Because maybe he's wrong and he doesn't want to worry his son.
---
When Blaine has come far enough with his recovery, his father asks him if he wants to transfer to a private school with a zero bullying policy, or if he'd rather be home schooled. Blaine decides for the latter. Whatever lesson life really wanted to teach him, what he learned was that love can be a dangerous thing. What you get, can be taken away. The easiest thing is not to have anything.
Blaine knows it's just a tiny bit ridiculous. Because he could meet his soulmate while he goes out to buy milk or tries on new shoes. He could watch a sitcom and his soulmate could be random extra #3 in the background. There's no recipe to really avoid meeting the person you match with, but what you can do is avoid all situations that lead in the general direction of love. Blaine doesn't go out dancing. He doesn't date. He doesn't hang around in any internet forums anymore. He disabled ask and submit on his tumblr and he only gives out his phone number to people who are women or who he's definitely not attracted to. Better safe than sorry.
The boy who once dreamed about love starts to get cynical about the very thought of it and after a some time he convinces himself that it isn't about fear at all. It's not about the the cold panic he feels when he thinks about losing someone close to him or maybe even causing another person so much pain that they die from a broken heart. Instead Blaine starts to believe that he doesn't want to meet his soulmate because then you don't get a choice. Suddenly, to him, it's about freedom and his own will. He even tells those of his friends who are close enough to him to talk about this subject that he's not opposed to a relationship. But then he wants to be sure that this person won't be his soulmate. Maybe a man who got cheated on. That happens occasionally. Or a widower. Someone like that. What Blaine wants is something honest and real and safe. And all of this soulmate stuff just won't do it for him.
"Love is slavery," he tells a girl from his astrology club one day. "You submit to a part of yourself that has no reason or logic whatsoever. And that can only be in your way."
She looks a little bad sad after that, but Blaine knows that he's one of the only people who really got it. Music's his only real love anyway. That's what will guide him. And that's where he's heading.
...privilege
"Pleeeeeeeeeease, Blaine!"
Tina has the annoying quality of sounding like a whiny three year old when she wants to. In those moments, her entire face is an image of pure despair. It's possible that other people can resist, but Blaine is not one of them.
Still, he's managed to stay a bit longer in the state in which he's denying that he'll give in eventually. He always does. She's his best friend.
"I don't think it's a good idea," Blaine says and opens his locker to get his apron.
Every Thursday afternoon, they teach a baking class for a shelter that takes care of kids from the Matchless community who have been kicked out of home. As if their lives weren’t sad enough already. Born with white hair and dark eyes, their genetic code is doomed not to match up with anyone. It's still considered a curse, even in the 21st century. People can be so stupid. Most of the kids are nice and more often than not they're desperate rather than bitter. Blaine likes to talk to them. He's safe with them. Plus, it will look good on their resumé.
Tina ties her apron and clicks her tongue. "Good idea or not, I want to be part of this and I don't have a chance as a single."
"You might have a point," Blaine mumbles and slips into his own baking uniform. "But faking a mateship is a little bit horrible, don't you think? And risky. If we get caught it's not just our careers that are on the line. We could go to jail."
Soulmates always have a special status in society and are legally protected. Blaine knows this better than anyone, because as someone who's gay his only chance to be safe from hate and prejudice is a proper match. Somehow, that turns a person from being an abomination to someone who's been blessed. Since he has no intention of falling in love, he usually just sticks to staying in the closet, which would be a must if he joins Tina at June Dolloway's gathering.
The wealthy socialite is known to describe herself as a survivor. Her husband and soulmate died almost two decades ago and she found the strength to take over his business empire and do his work. Not many people would have found that kind of strength. In fact, not many people would have found the strength to outlive their soulmates. June has a lot of admirers and not just because of her life story, but because of her influence and wealth as well.
"Blaine." Tina steps in front of him and grabs his hand. "This ball is important. June will give out a sponsorship to only three couples. Three. Can you imagine what it would be like to not have to think about tuition and rent anymore? To be able to focus fully on school and auditions?"
"There are people that she picks who aren't soulmates..." Blaine's voice doesn't sound as unwavering as he would like. God, Tina has him wrapped around her little finger. "We could just go there as friends."
“Tina…”
And then she uses her secret weapon. Pushing her lower lip slightly forward, Tina lets her shoulders slump and she blinks slowly. "All right. I understand that you don't want to help me.”
She turns around and walks down the hallway. She doesn't even properly lift her feet, just drags herself forward. In every way she looks like a dog that's denied his favorite chew toy.
Blaine rolls his eyes; he already regrets going after her. "Wait."
Tina turns around and her eyes are sparkling, even when she still holds onto her pout. "Yes?"
"We can go," Blaine groans and runs a hand through his hair. "But we need a really good match story."
With a yelp, Tina throws herself against Blaine and hugs him tightly. "You're my best friend, thank you so much!"
Blaine hugs her back and he likes to see her so happy. It's hard to stay mad. "You owe me, Tina Cohen-Chang. Now, let's get ourselves a sponsorship."
...opportunity
Blaine usually makes an effort to tell Tina when she looks good, especially when he recognizes her effort to be pretty. His best friend had bad luck for reasons beyond Blaine's understanding. She's looked over a lot of times and stepped over way more often than she deserves. Blaine considers it his best friend duty to make her feel a little bit better about herself, but rarely does he mean it as much as this evening when he tells her that she looks fantastic.
"Absolutely stunning," he compliments her and grins back at her when she smiles.
"Thank you, B. You're not so bad yourself."
It's true. They make quite the couple. Tina in her midnight blue cocktail dress, opulent roses at its seam and Blaine with his navy blue suit. His handkerchief matches her dress and it's a classy statement that Blaine adores. Having a fake girlfriend that makes her own dresses has its perks.
They compliment each other a dozen times more before Blaine offers Tina his arm and they head off to the evening that could make or break their careers. The ball takes place at June Dolloway's mansion and Blaine can't keep his mouth close when he sees the building. "This place looks like straight out Downton Abbey…."
And that in the middle of New York. Blaine has promised himself to stay cool about this, but he's impressed and he enters the great hall with eyes wide open. At least until he hears a quiet hiss in his ear.
"Stop staring. You look like a three year old!" Tina glares at him and Blaine shrugs out of it.
"Sorry," he says, clearing his throat and squaring his shoulders.
They get rid of their coats and accept the glass of champagne they're offered as a welcome. The place isn't packed yet, but there are lots of people already and there's no doubt there will be plenty more to come. Tina and Blaine spend the first couple of minutes just taking in the atmosphere. They try to ease into the feeling of belonging there. Occasionally some people would start some pointless banter and they would go along with it. A jazz band plays one relaxing song after the other and it started to be comfortable.
And then the lady of herself enters the small stage that was prepared in front of the big staircase that undoubtedly leads up to the private areas of the mansion. June Dolloway isn’t tall, but she has enough personality to look seven feet tall.
"Ladies and gentleman, I hope I don't disturb any important conversations, but you know me, I'll get to the point swiftly. I want to welcome you all to my home and I hope the evening will give you plenty of opportunities to groom existing friendships or make new ones. Like every year, I will hand out six sponsorships by the end of a workshop whose participants I will choose today. As always, matched couples have a better chance. Love is an opportunity."
The process sounds easy. It's everything but. June looks for someone who has that little something. People who are confident and charismatic. The woman has the rare talent of being able to tell who's only good at selling a mediocre product and who is really good. Still, there are a few cases known where people signed up and were chosen for the workshop without having what it takes. Rumor has it they are now working scrubbing the toilets of toilet paper factories.
"Everyone who wants five minutes of my precious time can put his or her name on this list," she says and holds up a piece of paper that she then pins to a wall to her right. "I'm looking forward to having pleasant conversations and wish you all a nice evening."
The crowd cheers and the band picks up their music again, but now there is a certain tension in the air. Constantly, people look up to the small screen that would soon show the names of the people June wants to invite to her table. They would go talk to her in groups of six and it would start in a few minutes. The first people had already written their names down.
Blaine turns towards Tina and takes a deep breath. "Do you want to dance first? Or put our names on the list?"
Tina nibbles on her lower lip. For the first time today she looks uncertain. "How about I go get us something to drink and you write down on our names? We meet back here in a few."
They nod at each other and go their separate ways. Blaine has to excuse himself a couple of times as he tries to part the crowd and get to the list. The amount of people surrounding him makes him feel hot and his skin is crawling. He's nervous, almost anxious. Like something big is going to go down any second now and his mind is involuntarily drawn back to the dance. His jaw clenched, he reaches for the pen that dangles from a cord next to June's list. Today's not the day to think about past regrets.
He's barely touched the pen when his fingers brush against someone else's hand and the small touch snaps him out of his tension. He shivers and looks at the guy next to him.
"Oh, I'm… Sorry," the guy says, his voice high as he lets out a chuckle. "After you."
Blaine shakes his head. His mouth is dry. "No, please… After you."
They stare at each other with wide eyes and Blaine can't really explain what's going on. There's just… This familiarity.
"Have we met?" the stranger asks and his dark blue eyes sparkle with something that looks a lot like suspicion to Blaine.
"No. No, I would remember. But I know the feeling…" Blaine blushes when he realizes how much it sounds like flirting. Back to safe grounds. "I'm Blaine."
The other guy holds out his hand. "Kurt."
***
Kurt looks at Blaine and wonders if he's seeing things. Or… feeling. That would be the better word probably. Because when their fingers touched, Kurt suddenly felt right at home. And he knows. He just knows …
But Blaine seems to be unfazed and Kurt is suddenly unsure. Even though he knows .
"Trying your luck?" Blaine asks and squints his eyes to read through the list.
Kurt nods and picks up the pen to write down his name. "I'd be stupid if I didn't."
Blaine reacts with a frown and he picks up the pen as well. His handwriting is way less classy than his attire, but Kurt thinks it's kinda cute. He tries to decipher the last name. Anderson. So that's him. Blaine Anderson.
Kurt wants to say it out loud, taste the name on his lips. The thought comes with a giddiness that is suddenly ripped apart when Blaine writes down a second name. Tina Cohen-Chang.
"You're not alone?"
Blaine frowns and looks down while Kurt doesn't know what to feel in this moment. "Uhm. No. I'm here with my mate. Tina."
And that's how it all crumbles.
But then their eyes meet and Kurt knows . He just knows. What can't happen suddenly becomes true. Kurt is standing in front of his soulmate. Blaine Anderson is it for Kurt. But Kurt's not it for Blaine.
He's screwed.
...a trick
Blaine feels out of it when he returns to meet Tina. He’s a bit lightheaded and his muscles feel warm and heavy, like he's been running or swimming long enough to wake up every little cell of his body.
His best friend frowns as she sees him and she hands him over a glass of red wine. "Is everything okay with you?"
Blaine looks over his shoulder, expecting to find Kurt still standing there. But there are already new people signing up for June's table. "I'm… Yes, I'm okay."
Tina shakes her head. "You really need to get your head out of the clouds. What's wrong with you today?"
Blaine doesn't dare to think that maybe he just met the most important person in his life. There's another explanation for it and Blaine rather gives into that one. "I just had a flashback. I snapped out of it, but still… I thought I had all that behind me."
Tina's mouth forms an 'O'. She's one of the very few people who know a little about Blaine's past. "I'm sorry. I didn't think that being here would be hard for you. Are you okay?"
She touches his arm and Blaine manages to give her a small smile. "I'm fine. Really."
They find an empty table where they can stand and drink their wine before they join a few other couples on the dance floor. Blaine secretly keeps looking for Kurt, but doesn't find him until their names appear right next to each other on the screen that lets them know it's their time. Blaine hears Tina exhale next to him and he takes her hand.
"It's gonna be fine," he says and leads his best friend to June Dolloway's table. "You're gonna kill it."
Blaine pulls out the chair for Tina while he looks at the people they're sitting with. There's another couple, both of them dark haired and smiling. And then there's Kurt. Blaine's eyes wander to the screen and realizes that there are only five of them. He sits down and looks expectantly at June who takes a sip of her champagne and then leans forward with a smile.
"Welcome to the most important five minutes of your young life, girls and boys." She folds her hands and nods towards Kurt. "Let's start with you, young man. Most pressing question first. Why are you alone?"
Blaine watches intently at how Kurt tilts his head just a tiny bit. His spine is stretched out and the smile on his lips appears to be pleasant, but his eyes give him away. It makes Blaine smile. Kurt's trying so hard to be nonchalant about this, but it is a question that makes him vulnerable.
"I'm waiting," Kurt replies. "All my life, people tried to make me believe that I dream too big. I've always refused to believe that and I won't start simply because a very important piece of me is missing. I'll find my match. And when I do, I will be able to tell a fantastic story about how him being late to the party made me the center of attention at one of June Dolloway's gatherings."
"Kurt Hummel, right?" June asks and there's no way to tell what she thinks.
"Yes." Kurt's voice is still strong, but his features are tense. "That's me."
June's eyes linger on him for a few moments. She's like a cat looking for prey. When she tears her eyes away, Blaine notices how Kurt breathes out, and he wants to tell the other man that he did good. Nothing to worry about.
"You two." June nods towards the other couple at the table. "You already share a last name. Do you have a story that's even better than Mr. Hummel's?"
They look at each other and then the woman starts to talk. "This is Mason, I'm Madison. McCarthy. We're twins."
June's eyebrows lift and Blaine can hear a gasp from Tina while he himself feels a pang of jealousy. Matched twins are rare, but not completely uncommon. A platonic soulmate you don't have to look for. Love remains an option, not a necessity.
The McCarthys talk about their cheerleading careers and their training in music and acting. It feels like their whole life has been one huge exercise for the big twin show that will be their breakthrough.
June seems bored after twenty seconds and after a minute she lifts her hand. "You can talk about all that in a minute. We still have two people sitting with us today. Who are you?"
Her eyes find Tina's, then Blaine's. She looks like a human scanner and Blaine's suddenly nervous. There's no way they'll be able to pull this off.
"I'm Tina. This is Blaine. He saved me from drowning," Tina says and she demonstrates their undying love by taking Blaine's hand and patting it slowly. "I was texting while I walked down the mall with fabric samples for a class project when I stumbled and fell into one of those horrible indoor fountains."
"She hit her head," Blaine picks up the story which earns him a smile from Tina. Matching lives, matching storytelling skills. "I pulled her out and tapped her face. When she opened her beautiful eyes, I just knew."
"Describe the feeling." All eyes are suddenly on Kurt who seems to only notice now that he interrupted the story. It's too late to take it back. He squirms a little and looks at Blaine. "Please. If it's not too personal."
It hurts when Tina squeezes his hand too tightly, but Blaine keeps looking into Kurt's eyes. "It was like coming home. Like my body woke up from being tense, my soul woke up from being alone and my heart woke up from being locked away."
He realizes what he just said and clears his throat. Tina looks at him in awe and Kurt frowns. Blaine wonders if he's done anything wrong.
"Thank you," Kurt says.
June joins in. "Thank you indeed."
The lady of the house looks at him with an amused smile and Blaine mumbles a quiet 'you're welcome' before the attention is back on the twins who start rambling about how they're sad that they'll never have a moment. Tina joins the conversation while Blaine just looks at Kurt and Kurt looks back at him. There's nothing else that has to be said.
***
A few hours later when their time with June has long run out and the number of people starts to slowly dwindle down, there's a new list being pinned to the wall. Everyone tries to not look too nervous or hopeful, but everyone is. Tina looks at him and lifts her chin. She's offered to go check out the list and she's been preparing to cross the room to do it for the past ten minutes.
Then, she finally does. Blaine can see the exact moment her heart breaks. It's when her head hangs and her shoulders slump. She turns around and her eyes are sad. She's pouting as she returns.
"It's okay," Blaine says and rubs her arms. "We had our fun and it was worth a shot."
"You got in."
The words make Blaine's jaw drop. "What?"
Tina repeats. The annoyance in her voice would trigger his guilt if he wasn't so baffled. "You got in, Blaine. And I didn't. That's so typical."
She starts to rant about everything that's unfair in the world and eventually she snaps at him for just leaving her standing like this as Blaine rushes to the list to go have a look himself. It's true. Tina's name isn't on the list, but his own is. And right above it, there's someone else. Blaine's heart skips a beat.
And then there's a now familiar voice right next to him. Kurt is smiling when Blaine turns around. "Looks like we'll see each other again."
...a luxury
Blaine can still vaguely remember what it feels to be in the closet and this isn't it. It's supposed to be narrow and suffocating. The closet he's built with Tina? That's a penthouse apartment with a view over the skyline. It's a luxury and, more than anything, it's comfortable. Blaine isn't the odd one out anymore. Now he's a match. People treat him differently. And he himself is less on edge. It's almost as if he believes it himself. He doesn't have to be afraid of finding someone anymore. He's already found his missing puzzle piece.
But as it turns out, Blaine has been missing something. Or rather, someone. He has some friends, but all of them are girls or definitely straight and matched. He's never been brave enough to engage with someone who's a kindred spirit.
Kurt's just that. He's ambitious, interested in a thousand different things. He's smart, politically engaged, witty and the kind of person who can ramble hours about whether Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock is the true queen of the 90s. And on top of all that, he's also a man and familiar with the struggle and the stigma of being gay without a match. Sometimes Blaine's almost giddy to talk to him about it, but with more self-control than he thought he could ever muster he remains in the closet and plays Tina's soulmate through every session of June's workshop. Kurt, on the other hand, is open about what it means to him and how hard it can be sometimes.
There's one instance where they decide to have coffee after the workshop. It's the first time they hang out together outside of June's mansion and Kurt is a lot more comfortable and open. The coffee shop offers cozy couches and loveseats and serves their coffee with tiny pieces of chocolate. Kurt plops his into his mouth and makes Blaine chuckle before they start to chat about their childhood. As it turns out, they're both from Ohio and that opens the Pandora's Box of Midwest stories. One leads to another and then Kurt suddenly gets quiet.
"I was bullied," he says and peels the lid of his coffee cup only to put it back on. "It got pretty rough for a while until I finally snapped and yelled at the guy who tormented me the most. Told him that he couldn't change me. That I would find my other half but that I doubt there's someone out there for him."
Blaine opens his mouth and wants to say something, but there are so many memories that come back and he finds himself speechless.
Kurt shakes his head and continues. "It's okay. I've grown stronger from it. But… You must know… This guy kissed me. He kissed me and all I could think was… Please don't let it be him."
"I'm so sorry," Blaine finally manages to say and without thinking he reaches out and covers Kurt's hand with his own. "That must have been awful."
Kurt blushes and smiles. "It was. My point is, though… I was so relieved that it wasn't him that I didn't mind waiting longer. The right one makes all that worth it."
A frown slowly forming on his face Blaine pulls away his hand. "Why are you telling me that?"
Much to Blaine's surprise, Kurt cocks his head and there's something flashing in his eyes. "Just a story from my youth. I thought you would agree with me. Since you've already found your soulmate and I haven't…"
Now it's Blaine's turn to blush. "Oh… Yes. I agree. Absolutely. He'll be worth it."
Kurt nods and points at the piece of chocolate that's still lying untouched next to Blaine's cup. "Are you going to eat that?"
Blaine pushes the chocolate over the table and is very careful that their fingers don't touch again.
...a priority
Kurt knows. Just like he knows that Blaine has something to hide and that it's not all as it seems. He doesn't want to be impatient, but it's hard. Waiting for his soulmate has been incredibly hard, and now he just wants to dive in. And why not? Everyone else does...
The only thing that keeps Kurt from shaking Blaine is, well... Blaine. He still looks like a child sometimes. Sparkling eyes and a smile that makes others smile too. He tries so hard to be enthusiastic about even June's most annoying exercises. One time they have to spend the day in Time's Square pretending to be homeless. For Kurt it's humiliating, and quite frankly insulting to everyone who really has to live on the streets. A bunch of spoiled students pretending to be poor. Blaine though... Blaine doesn't question it. He just slips into torn clothes from the costume department that make him look even younger and quite frankly a little bit lost.
"It's about being forced to watch others because they don't watch you," he says quietly as a reply to Kurt's rant and Kurt falls a little bit deeper.
It's not the only time that Kurt sees a vulnerability in Blaine that is usually hidden under colorful clothes and impeccable manners. It's the main reason Kurt is cautious. There's a story there. Blaine's not ready.
Months pass. They get closer - as friends - and Blaine opens up a little bit more. They cook dinner for each other sometimes, and there's the occasional movie night. Kurt's also found a worthy shopping companion and Blaine lets him pick a few outfits for him just to make Kurt happier. Their friendship is based on fondness, and to a degree the trust it requires to show another person who you really are. Aside from that one thing of course.
Sometimes Kurt doubts. Of course he does. But then Blaine touches him again and Kurt finally feels like he belongs.
When Blaine tells him that he isn’t going home for Christmas, Kurt sees a chance. He has two days off, but it's not enough to visit his dad, who decided to come to New York instead. Kurt is determined to both talk to his dad about the whole soulmate dilemma and invite Blaine for Christmas dinner. Nobody should spend that time of the year alone.
He wants to make it a surprise; call Blaine up Christmas Eve and tell him to get his present the next day. It's all going to be perfect.
But then his dad sits down with him and tells him about the cancer. Kurt's world stops spinning. When it starts to move again, it's at a different pace and Blaine blends in with the background. There are other priorities now.
***
Blaine spends Christmas Eve with Tina, who can't stop whining that both her parents have to work and don't have time for her. They eat too much food and watch one romcom after the other.
And then, from one moment to another, Blaine feels horrible. His chest constricts and he has to sit up straight to breathe. Tina frowns and puts a hand on his shoulder, asking him what's wrong.
Blaine shakes his head. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick."
He takes another moment, then the nausea hits and he wants to cry as he bolts for the bathroom to throw up. The cool tiles of the floor makes him shake and Blaine can't stop the the tears from falling. First he thinks it's the food, but then... It feels like grief.
He goes to bed and curls up. Tina checks up on him and brings him tea. "Are you okay, Blaine?"
Shaking his head he clutches his chest. "Something horrible happened to him."
They don't talk about it any more. Blaine just feels Tina cuddle up with him, holding him in the dark. It's never been more obvious that it's not enough.
...comfort
The days leading up to New Year's Eve come and go. Blaine barely finds the strength to get up. When he does, he usually ends up pacing. It would be a lot easier if he knew what it meant, but he doesn't. The way it feels, his soulmate could be dead. The agony he's supposed to feel should be more intense but as someone who's never met his other half, Blaine's expected to suffer less. He talks himself into it until he believes it. The reality of being alone sinks into his muscles and his bones and the feeling of sadness slowly leaves him alone. Blaine considers himself a survivor simply because it's the easiest thing to do. Like this, he doesn't have to be afraid anymore and he doesn't have to wonder what else the pain could possibly mean. He takes sick leave for two weeks and visits his parents after all. They barely have time for him, but that's okay. Blaine just wants to make sure they're doing okay for some reason, and when nothing has changed back home, he allows himself to feel better.
Back in New York Blaine gets on with his life. He contemplates downloading one of those singles apps, but decides to wait a while. He has to wait for the end of the workshop, at least. If June really decides to sponsor him, life will get a lot harder for him without the added attention of dozens of single men in a fifty miles radius. Instead, he goes out to dance. He kisses a few boys. He has fun.
When he enters the classroom for the first workshop session of the new year, Blaine can't stop smiling. He's never felt this alive. No more fear. Finally.
He plops down on the chair next to Kurt who looks up to him with dark circles under his eyes but a smile on his face. "Hello, stranger. I've missed you."
Blaine waves it off. "Just had the urge to visit my parents."
Kurt nods carefully. "I really understand that."
There's just something in Kurt's voice. A little bit higher, a little bit weaker than usually. "Are you okay?"
Letting out a sigh Kurt sits up straight and suddenly he's 'Show Must Go On' in flesh and blood. "Rough times. Things will get better."
But they don't. Weeks pass and every time Blaine sees Kurt at the workshop, he looks a little bit more like a ghost. It pains him to see a friend suffer like that, and after a long period of not seeing each other outside of class because Kurt always has other plans or doesn't even pick up the phone, Blaine manages to talk him into coming over for dinner.
He cooks mac'n'cheese and buys white chocolate mousse for dessert. His plan is not to ask Kurt intrusive questions, but to make him feel good instead. It works really well for a while. They drink wine and talk about their favorite live concerts. In the end it all boils down to the sadness and self-pity of not being able to snatch tickets for Adele's concert next year. They'd lost some of their easy comfort sometime around Christmas, and Blaine couldn't be happier to get some of it back.
They sit down to eat, and that's when it all changes. There's a wrinkle in the tablecloth, Blaine knows, because he's the one who burned his finger trying to stretch the fabric out again when it constricted from the heat of the iron. It drove him crazy for weeks because it was a constant reminder of his own impatience to read the manual for anything, and he mistook the steamer for the power heat button. Why new irons needed a power heat button still is beyond him. The wrinkle doesn't bother him that much anymore. By now he mostly ignores it and usually he thinks about covering it up with flowers or a candle. He just forgot today.
But now Kurt can't stop brushing his thumb over it. Again and again. Until his face shows a deep frown and Blaine reaches out to touch his hand. Their fingers curl around each other and they both hold their breath. Their eyes meet.
Blaine wants to tell Kurt that everything's okay, but Kurt just sighs in relief. As if Blaine touching him has saved him from something overwhelming.
"This isn't right," Kurt whispers quietly, and stares at the tablecloth.
"I know," Blaine says, and he leans forward a little just so Kurt might look up into his eyes again. "I burned it. It was a mistake."
It takes an endless moment of silence before Kurt answers. "Nothing is ever right anymore."
Blaine doesn't expect the tears. Not from Kurt, who is always so stubborn in his strength. And yet, when he starts to cry Blaine doesn't hesitate. He quickly pushes back his chair and sits down right next to Kurt. Wrapping his arm around his friend's shoulder, Blaine pulls him close and it's a sign of exhaustion that Kurt lets him. Tears soak into his shirt and Kurt's fingers clutch Blaine's sleeve. They stay like this for a while. Blaine just holds Kurt and lets him cry. Occasionally he rubs his shoulders or rocks him back and forth once or twice.
"Do you…" Blaine has to stop and think. He doesn't even know what he wants to ask even though it's so clear to a small part of him. It's the part that wins out and makes him find the words. "Do you want to stay the night? I don't want you to be alone."
Kurt pulls back and stares at him. His eyes are red but that only makes his eyes clearer. Blaine gently wipes a tear away. "Blaine…"
"I mean it." He doesn't want a protest. Blaine just wants to do something for a friend. "Please stay."
And Kurt does.
They go to bed, Kurt rolled up to a tight ball, Blaine right behind him with his arms wrapped around him. It's warm and it's comfortable. Blaine prays that it will be enough.
...a mark
After their night together, something changes. They're both shy about it and Blaine catches himself a couple of times exchanging smiles with Kurt that feel like more than what they've had so far. They grow closer.
Tina is the one who whines about it the most. They haven't seen each other outside of school for almost two weeks when they help at the shelter, and Tina starts to complain again. "We never spend time together anymore, Blaine. This has been going on for weeks. It's spring! I need my smoothie buddy, and I won't stand for it any longer."
Blaine grabs Tina's hand, but he can't conceal his amused smile. "We'll go for a smoothie after this, okay?"
"Promise?"
"Promise," Blaine replies and he's glad that Tina doesn't really seem to be mad. He wants to apologize after all. "I'm really sorry, Tina. It's just that Kurt is having a hard time and I want to be there for him."
Much to Blaine's surprise, Tina groans at that. "Seriously, Blaine. It's always Kurt this, Kurt that, you behave like..."
She bites back the word, but Blaine is well aware that it's on the tip of her tongue. "Soulmates? Is that what you were gonna say?"
She gives him an apologetic smile and it soothes the rising anger in his chest. "What I'm trying to say is that maybe you should make a move."
The worst part is that Blaine actually thinks about it.
***
In the rec room where everything from the pool tables to the couches is pushed aside in favor of a row of mirrors, Blaine and Tina are greeted by about fifteen kids who signed up for a twelve hour course they thankfully made the money for during their last charity run.
It's going to be a class in expressive dance and Blaine is happy when he looks around and finds the kids equally as excited as him. They don't have much access to extracurricular activities or art classes and this is a rare opportunity for most of them.
The guy who enters is young, Blaine's age, and he introduces himself as Mike. As a Joffrey Ballet graduate he wants to dip his toe into the swirling waters of the New York dance scene and gather some experience. Teaching classes is a good start.
Blaine watches in awe as Mike asks every one of the kids why they chose to attend his class, and the answers range from just being here because it's an offer and for free, all the way to being really passionate about dancing. The dance instructor genuinely cares. It's obvious in the way he nods as he listens and occasionally smiles when one of the kids get nervous.
After the introductions, Mike turns on the music and teaches them some easier steps. It's the first step-step-spin combination that causes some problems and Mike frowns.
"Can you come and help me out for a second?" he asks in their direction and Tina quickly crosses the room to assist.
She gets in position and Mike reaches out to correct her posture. Doing that, their hands touch and they both gasp. Tina flinches back and covers her hand while Mike just stares down at his own. Blaine hurries to get to them and see what's wrong when he gets a look at Mike's hand and the mark on the palm of his hand.
"No," Tina finally says, her eyes wide.
Marks are a thing sometimes. Not very often. Blaine's heard that they hurt for the first couple of weeks. It's like the spark burns into the skin, a delicate pattern of spots and swirls.
"Are you okay?" Mike asks and he looks thoroughly smitten.
"You're Asian," Tina whines and pouts. "I'm an Asian stereotype."
The room is quiet before both Mike and Tina starts to laugh. The spell is lifted and the kids start to clap their hands. It's a tiny miracle.
Blaine claps hands too. He ignores the pain in his heart and smiles. He's happy for Tina. He keeps on smiling.
...a waltz
Things change when Tina gets together with Mike. The first thing that happens is that Blaine finds himself being poked with an index finger and told in very clear words that Tina is off limits from now on. There's nothing left to do but to let out a nervous little chuckle before Tina chimes in and saves him. It's surprising that she's open with Mike, but after the truth is out, things are less awkward and Mike reluctantly apologizes. They talk for hours and eventually decide that it's for the best to keep their charade up for the rest of the semester. Blaine doesn't expect to be sponsored, and the interest in his person will slowly dissipate once he's no longer part of June's program.
There's this other problem, though; the problem Blaine doesn't talk about. He thinks it's jealousy at first, but after a couple of weeks, he finds out that it's longing. He wants what his friends have. He goes through what he thinks is grief when it's actually more like regret. In telling himself that he's glad that his soulmate must be dead, he's denying himself the harsh truth that he would need to heal. He has regrets, but he can't let himself feel them.
Instead he gets quiet. Blaine buries himself in work and studying. He rehearses dance moves for hours before he sits down at the piano and plays till his fingers feel numb. For some reason his hands get cold when he plays. They're freezing every time he stands up.
The only times that he's able to let loose even just a little bit is when he spends some time with Kurt, who is still sad more often than not. It's understandable. Blaine never pushes, but on more than one occasion he texts Kurt that he's there in case the other boy needs someone to talk to.
Oddly enough, the moment that changes a lot for them doesn't come from a coffee date, and it doesn't come from Kurt asking for a shoulder to cry on either. It's a regular afternoon and Blaine tortures his left hand with Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C Sharp minor. He's been practicing for nearly eight months now and he's so, so close to getting it right. He's completely lost in the movements of his own fingers that he doesn't notice Kurt who enters the room quietly, clutching to the strap of his messenger bag as he sneaks closer.
Blaine's breathing heavily when he stops playing. The last notes are still lingering and even though the piano is still, the vibration of it still resonates in Blaine's chest.
"That was wonderful," Kurt says quietly and Blaine turns around, a blush tinting his cheeks.
"Thank you," he says with a small smile and he looks down as he clears his throat. "I'm not there yet, but I think it went pretty well."
"It's very…" Kurt places his index finger against his cheek and taps his own skin, lost in thought. "Tragic is the wrong word."
"It's desperate." Blaine glances at his sheets and his brow furrows. "Desperate and demanding."
Kurt nods and steps closer. He sits down next to Blaine and hits the keys. It's soft and playful and nothing like Rachmaninoff. He stops again after a few seconds. "Can you relate?"
Not the easiest question. Blaine has to think about it, but then he shakes his head.
"I get the despair." He smiles, half sad and half amused. "But I never demand. Too big a risk to be told no regardless."
For a long moment, they look at each other and it becomes so very obvious that it's not about the play anymore. Kurt smacks his lips; Blaine's eyes wander down to them before they flicker up again. He feels like he just did something forbidden. Whether or not Kurt has realized it, Blaine doesn't know. But his eyes are wide before he speaks.
"Sometimes people have to take a risk." Kurt's voice is quiet and higher than usual.
"Why are you here?" Blaine's question rips them both from this conversation that felt like so much more than they both understand.
Kurt smiles and he opens his bag to pull out a bunch of sheets. "Practice. I barely ever play anymore, but sometimes I do. To clear my head. My dad's doing better."
Blaine is glad to hear that. "You shouldn't have to clear your head over good news like that."
"I've been neglecting myself," Kurt explains and he puts down his sheets next to Blaine's. It's Chopin. The Spring Waltz. Blaine thinks about whether or not that fits. Maybe there's way more to Kurt than he's thought. "And now I don't know if the things I suddenly didn't care about anymore were important in the first place."
"Do you miss them?"
Kurt nods, a barely there movement. "I do."
"Then they just weren't as important as your dad. But still important. Everything you miss means something." Blaine's heart skips a beat at that. He's been missing his other half for his whole life and he will miss him forever. "But I think I get it. I wish there was a way to tell what's really important and what's not."
They sit in silence again until Blaine can bring himself to ask another question. "How do you know what's worth taking a risk for?"
"What are you willing to give up for it? That's the question you have to ask." Kurt says it in a playful tone that takes away some of the depth the words carry and some of their heaviness.
"Safety," Blaine answers even when it's a rhetorical question.
"Must be important then," Kurt replies with a shrug.
"Go out with me," Blaine blurts out and just like that his safety is gone. The heat in the room is rising and he suddenly panics. Without thinking, he reaches out and takes Kurt's hand. The heat turns to warmth, becomes more bearable. "Please."
"You're matched… You have a girlfriend…" Kurt's shoulders are drawn almost all the way to his ears. He's holding his breath.
Blaine feels stupid. More stupid than ever before. Because while Tina is leaving their little scheme behind, Blaine has to live it and the boy who might be able to make him feel less lonely is sitting right in front of him and thinks he's straight and taken.
"Not like that," he says quietly and slightly disappointed in himself. "Just between friends. I have to get out, and I feel like you could use it too."
"Your hands are ice cold." Kurt looks down and squeezes Blaine's hand. "I would like to go out with you. It sounds like a nice idea."
Blaine's smile comes easily. "Really?"
"Yes," Kurt chuckles and they both grin at each other, through their sadness that they both push aside.
Pulling back, Blaine takes a deep breath and then rubs his hands together. "I'd love to hear the Spring Waltz now."
"A question first…" Kurt already gets in position and opens his sheet music. "Was it worth it?"
"Yes," Blaine says without hesitation. His safety suddenly doesn't feel as important. "Definitely."
They sit next to each other for hours and keep playing. Their melodies become lighter and faster and so does Blaine's heart. He's still too scared to demand, but maybe with a little courage he can ask for a tiny piece of what he wants.
***
Three days later Blaine stands in front of Kurt's apartment and rings the bell. He holds a bunch of flowers. It's a spring bouquet. Very briefly he thought about the classics. Roses. But he didn't want to send the wrong signals. Besides, there's something sweet about the tulips and the yellow gerbera daisies.
The door opens and Blaine holds out the flowers. Kurt is blushing, but he's also smiling and it's the best feeling in the world. It fills Blaine with so much joy that he can't help but lean in for a hug. "I hope you like them."
Kurt drinks in the smell and sighs. "They're beautiful. Thank you. Come in, I'll give them water real quick."
They have big plans. Blaine's made reservations at a new pizzeria that serves 'white pizza', where the tomato sauce is replaced by white cheese. It's allegedly the best idea in the entire world. Afterwards they plan on drinking a cocktail or two in a karaoke bar, maybe go dancing or just watch others dance. They're not quite sure yet.
Blaine leans against the kitchen counter while Kurt fills a vase with water and tugs the bouquet back in form. It gives him some time to enjoy the view. Kurt is wearing a tight grey vest over a green plaid shirt and dark blue skinny jeans that manage to bring out the length of his thighs as well as his firm butt. Blaine quickly drops his eyes when he turns around.
"How's Tina?" Kurt asks, and there's no doubt that this is the sore spot between them. The girlfriend who's not really Blaine's girlfriend.
"She's doing okay, thanks for asking."
The awkwardness lasts for half a minute before Kurt forces a smile and washes his hands. "I'm good to go, if you are."
"Kurt, I…" Blaine straightens up and takes a deep breath. He could say it now. End it all. "Can we stay for ten more minutes?"
The forced smile is gone and Kurt touches Blaine's shoulder, the worry evident on his face. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. Definitely."
Only that he's not. Blaine's suddenly scared that he’s making a mistake, and weirdly enough he's not sure what the mistake is; fake-dating Tina, or going out with Kurt. Maybe it's both. He can't be seen outside flirting with someone when he's officially matched, and he shouldn't tell Kurt that this isn't a date when it feels like one. Blaine wants it to be a date.
Kurt ends up making him tea. Blaine must look horrible, otherwise Kurt wouldn't make such a fuss.
They sit on the couch together, the TV running in the background. Blaine stares at the steam rising from the tea. It's chamomile. "How do you know I like chamomile? Or was it a lucky guess?"
"You mentioned it at some point," Kurt says and there’s the blush again. Blaine would love to know what it means.
"I know we wanted to try out that pizza place, but can we stay here?"
Kurt doesn't seem surprised at all. Just a little bit sad. "Of course. We could even order pizza in if you want."
Blaine nods, but remains silent. Kurt stands up to get his phone and the menu of his favorite pizza restaurant. It takes a few minutes before he comes back. Blaine is feeling a little bit less anxious. He's sipped from his tea.
"Do you want to split a tiramisu with me?" Kurt asks,having already dialed the number.
"I'd love that," Blaine says and points at the pizza he wants.
They place their order and fall back into silence that is easy at first, but becomes more and more tense with every minute that passes until Kurt finally breaks it. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
Blaine sighs. He places down his cup and leans back against the couch. His hands are neatly folded in his lap. "It's all a lie."
And that's how it all comes out. Blaine tells Kurt about Tina's plan and how it unfolded. He tells him about their fears, their hopes, and how Blaine has to go through it alone now. He also tells Kurt about Mike, and that he's jealous, and how pathetic he feels because of it. Blaine lays out the entire story, from the beginning to the very end and then he sighs again.
"I really like you," Blaine adds to the story and he doesn't dare to look Kurt in the eyes. "And this might have ruined everything, but I really want this to be a date. I want to bring you flowers because you deserve them. I want to tell you that I’m singing the next song for you when we're at a karaoke bar. I want you to be my risk."
Kurt is quiet for a long time. Way too quiet. Blaine eventually looks up and he can read a few of the emotions on his friend's face, but not all of them. There's confusion, and anger. Frustration. Disappointment. But there's also something else. Something brighter. "What you did is very wrong. I'm not going to say anything, but I think you should tell June. Cheating is never a good idea."
"I know," Blaine says and he already knows he will come clean. Because it feels right, not just because Kurt wants him too. "But aside from June… How do you feel?"
"Do you think that you and me…" Kurt interrupts himself and shifts, turning half towards Blaine. "Could we be….? Could it be you?"
Blaine quickly shakes his head. "My soulmate is dead. I'm pretty sure of it."
More confusion on Kurt's face. More sadness. He presses his lips together and curves them to a smile. "I understand."
"But maybe I could make you happy till the right one for you shows up?" Not a demand. A question. Blaine is careful.
Kurt tilts his head. "Does chamomile tea and delivered pizza count as a date?"
Blaine feels relief wash over him and he smiles. "It does when someone brings flowers."
***
They watch Moulin Rouge while they eat pizza. Then they watch The Vow while they share tiramisu. Somewhere in the middle of the second movie, Kurt dares to snuggle up with Blaine. He's so nervous. Blaine is like a shy animal about to run when someone makes a quick move. It's not the first time Kurt’s wondered what scares him so much. He tells himself that it's stupid to ask that question, especially when he's scared himself.
The truth is that he still feels it. There's this pull towards Blaine. And even when he's hurt and disappointed for no real reason, he's also relieved to know that Tina isn't really Blaine's soulmate. It makes his own feelings real. If only Blaine felt the same way…
He makes a small noise when a hand wraps around his shoulders and Kurt angles his head back to look up at Blaine whose eyes are half closed. They're both tired and lazy after dinner and a bottle of wine.
"What are you thinking about?" Blaine asks and it makes Kurt's heart flutter. There's no way he can say the truth now.
"It's getting late."
"That's what you're thinking about?"
"Mhm." Kurt shifts a little so he can get a better look at Blaine. "We're close to the end of our first official secret date. You'd think that's a paradox, but it's not."
Blaine laughs and the sound is rumbly enough for Kurt to feel the vibration against this forearm. It feels amazing.
"Was it a good first date?" Blaine asks, still chuckling.
"It was, but…"
"But what?"
Kurt bites his lower lip and tits his head. "Will it end with a kiss?"
Blaine holds his breath. His warm eyes are wide and then he swallows. "Do you want it to?"
Kurt shrugs. He wants so badly to be smooth about this. No pressure whatsoever. He doesn't want Blaine to see that he's wanted it for weeks, ever since their fingers touched the very first time. "I sure do."
Blaine sits up straighter and then reaches up. He touches Kurt's cheek and another wave of pure bliss washes over him. Blaine's thumb brushes over his face and traces his jaw. His eyes flicker to his lips and then Blaine lifts Kurt's chin ever so slightly before he leans in.
When their lips touch, Kurt belongs. From one moment to the next, he knows his place. He's home.
...direction
They build themselves a fragile kingdom. Their relationship has to take place in private and from day to day Blaine can see that Kurt is more and more frustrated with it. It's not so much the big picture that keeps grinding them down, but the little things. When they're at June's workshop there are a thousand moments when they want to exchange glances or smiles, when they want to touch each other, but can't. Even when they do joke around, or amuse themselves with banter during breaks, they're always watching their backs. It's never truly careless.
"When will you finally tell her?" Kurt asks after one of the sessions when they are on their way to Blaine's place to have yet another date night at home.
"I always want to." It's not a lie. Blaine tries to gather his courage every single time before they meet, but whenever he sees June, he just can't. "I'm scared of the consequences."
"I won't wait forever."
It's not a threat, just a statement. It's also a lie, but Blaine doesn't know that.
---
Kurt starts to come to the Matchless shelter with Blaine. Mike comes regularly too now, and together with Tina the four of them develop a deep friendship that is easy enough to make them forget about all their problems for a few hours every week.
Nothing gets past the kids, of course. They ask questions after the first week, and Blaine explains calmly that Kurt is his boyfriend, but not his soulmate. It always ends with curious and very skeptical looks, that Blaine's able to let slide. It doesn't seem to be that easy for Kurt who usually tilts his head and gets that sad look on his face. Sometimes it makes Blaine wonder if he's making a mistake.
The first time the issue outgrows the kids is when Tina and Blaine watch Mike teaching Kurt a few classic ballroom moves. Kurt's visibly nervous. He blushes and chuckles a lot. It makes Blaine smile. Kurt's adorable.
"So. Are you in love?"
Tina asks the question so bluntly that Blaine's caught completely off guard. "What?"
"Kurt. Are you in love with him?" Tina looks at Blaine who can feel the heat in his own cheeks now. "You look at him like he's the answer."
"The answer to what?" Blaine tries not to get defensive, but it's hard.
Tina shrugs. "How would I know? You never talk about those things, Mr. Mysterious."
"Mr. Mysterious?" Blaine smiles at that, but he shakes his head.
"It's the truth," Tina insists and then she leans against him, bumping his shoulder gently. "It's time to open up a little, Blainey. He's good for you. There's no shame in admitting that."
"I…" Blaine thinks for a moment and then decides to be honest with his best friend. "I just don't want to get too used to it. Once he finds his soulmate, it'll all be over."
Blaine can't read the look Tina gives him at that, and when he's about to ask they get interrupted by Mike and Kurt, who want to show off their new accomplishments. Well, Mike wants to show off his new accomplishments. Kurt wants to try his new steps. With Blaine. They waltz, bodies pressed tightly against each other. Blaine floats and he forgets everything. When they go home that afternoon, Tina's look has already been forgotten.
***
Weeks pass, then months. They're two weeks away from the end of the workshop and June's sponsorship that will carry six of them through NYADA and the first few years of their career. Whoever gets chosen won't have to worry about financial security or a lack of influence with the right agencies and casting directors.
Two weeks.
For all they know, June's already decided.
That's the moment Blaine chooses to go through with it. Kurt had stopped pushing him to say something weeks ago. Now he just gets quiet every time they go to the workshop, and he remains quiet for hours afterwards. There's a stiffness in his shoulders that Blaine can feel in his own just from looking at him. He's going to end this charade. He doubts June will press charges. Important people rarely ever have time for things like that. Blaine thinks in best case scenarios. He has to. He wants to see where things are going with Kurt. Maybe, if he's lucky, he'll get a few more years.
Knocking on June's door he enters the office that's cozier than he expected. Almost an entire year with her and he's never been here before. The wooden interior is old and solid, dark wood. Everything looks sophisticated and warm. There are no decorations except for one gigantic oil painting that hangs between the two large windows. It shows a younger version of June sitting on a chair with a man standing behind her, a hand on her shoulder. "Your husband?"
"My soulmate," June replies and he leans back, her eyes on the painting. "I miss him every day."
"I can't imagine," Blaine says. He's not longing for what he's lost anymore. The pain has subsided. He considers himself lucky.
"The reason why I keep going is because I know he would want me to." June tears her eyes away from the painting and looks at Blaine. "He's always said that he loves my determination the most. I didn't allow fate to break me. That's what I owe him. And myself."
Blaine is quiet for a moment, thinking about her words before he steps closer. "You're such an inspiration. And I feel awful, but I came here to tell you that I made a terrible mistake. I've been lying. I'm not matched. Tina's not my soulmate."
June smiles and says, "I know."
The answer needs time to sink in. When it does, Blaine's eyes widen. "What?"
"Oh, honey." June stands up now and strolls around her desk to lean against it. "I've been doing this for years. Do you think you and your friend are the first ones who played mates to get close to me? I know imposters when I see them."
"But then why did you pick me?"
"Because you're special." June folds her hands and points them towards Blaine. "You have what it takes. You won't let anything stop you."
Blaine doesn't understand any of it. He just feels very young and very stupid. "So I'm allowed to stay in the workshop?"
June smiles at that. "You're not just allowed to stay. You'll come out of it as the winner. I'll turn you into a star, young man."
There are so many people who didn't lie to make it through and Blaine is one of those who will get sponsored. He can't wrap his head around it. He doesn't know if he should be happy about it or feel guilty. "Will you pick Kurt Hummel?"
The question is out before Blaine can really think about it and June frowns. "He only made the workshop because I needed an even number and he seemed more interesting than your fake girlfriend. But I won't sponsor him just because I need another person. There will be five sponsorships this year instead of six. Of course at the end we'll have to talk about what to do with your match. We can't have a scandal like that before you even start your career."
Blaine doesn't really listen to the part about Tina. His mind is stuck on Kurt and how June dismisses him like a necessary evil she accepted to make it look neat. "I don't want this sponsorship if Kurt doesn't get in."
"Don't be stupid." June's reply comes faster than expected and she looks angry all of a sudden. "I know you like him, but he's not your soulmate. You'll get over him. Don't throw away your own future just because you want to play the martyr for someone who's a side character in your life story."
It's clear as bell, then. Blaine doesn't want Kurt to be a side character. And he also doesn't want a future without Kurt in it. Whether or not Kurt finds the other part of his soul, Blaine will always look at him and see a kindred spirit. They're friends. Nothing will change that.
"He's special," Blaine insists. "More talented than any other person you have in your workshop. You have to see that…"
June seems to think about it for a moment. "He is very special. But that's just the problem. You can't win the masses with someone like that. He'll find his path, but it's nowhere near mainstream. And Broadway, my dear, is mainstream."
Blaine lifts his chin a little higher. "Can I share my sponsorship with him at least? If I'm as good as you say, then half of it should be enough to get me to the top."
Much to Blaine's surprise, June smiles. "I like a challenge."
"Oh." The sound Blaine makes is only half as silly as he feels. "Does that mean…?"
"That means," June says and pushes herself up to get back to her chair and sit down, "that I'll think about it. Now leave me alone before I change my mind about you instead of him."
"Thank you," Blaine breathes out and then he leaves, but not without saying it over his shoulder from the door one more time. "Thank you so much."
***
Blaine goes home after his conversation with June and immediately calls Kurt.
"Hey," he says, his voice light and carrying the smile he can't turn off. "I told June the truth. I'm still in. I get another chance."
Kurt starts to ramble how happy he is after that, but Blaine's mind keeps getting back to the sentence that means more to him than to Kurt.
I get another chance.
We. We get another chance.
...pain
Blaine sets the table to celebrate. It's a pretty big day for them. The news of the split sponsorship has spread through NYADA like wildfire and for the whole day Blaine and Kurt have been the center of attention.
When June stood in front of the school and made her decision public, she managed to make Blaine look like a martyr. A boy so in love with music and the stage that he'd give up everything to get where he rightfully belongs.
It makes him slightly uncomfortable, but it seems to work. Of course there are whispers and glances. It could be way worse, though. There are a few people who obviously have a problem with the whole situation, but most of it is gossip and won't last long. If Blaine's lucky, it'll make a good anecdote when he's an old man.
Kurt battles through the whole thing. There are a few days when he goes through phases. First he’s angry, almost outraged. Then he’s frustrated, disappointed, and even though he’s still supportive of Blaine and trying his best to be grateful, he takes it personally. Like he’s not good enough. Blaine makes it his mission to set things straight. There are seemingly endless nights of conversation and kisses, hot and desperate against his lips, and then caressing and with a deep and honest worship, against his skin. The harsh bitterness slowly disappears and after a few days, Kurt is happy. Above anything else, that might be Blaine's favorite thing about how this whole story ended. How they managed to get the sponsorship doesn’t feel as important anymore. What matters is that they’re in it as a team. Kurt starts to go going on and on how they will take Broadway by storm and Blaine gives in, flailing with his boyfriend about all the opportunities that will come from this.
That's the next great novelty in Blaine's life. He can use the word boyfriend and he does at every opportunity. Tina asks him if he wants to come over for a movie, he tells her that he already has plans with his boyfriend. The twins want to know who he's splitting his sponsorship with, Blaine tells them with his boyfriend. He calls his mom to fill her in and happily tells her that he has a boyfriend.
All in all, it's perfect.
Blaine whistles a tune as he polishes one of the glasses again, when suddenly pain erupts in his chest and the glass slips from his fingers. It drops and shatters. Blaine's barely even aware of the shards that scratch the wooden floor under his feet as he drags himself to the couch. It has to be a heart attack. There's no other explanation for pain like this. He feels hot and cold at the same time, sweat breaks out on his forehead and his vision blurs. Blaine wants to reach the phone so badly. He knows he has to get help. But when he stretches out, his hand only inches away from his phone, the blur in the corner of his eyes expands and he slips into darkness. First he can't see. Then the ring in his ears makes him deaf. And then the world slips through his fingers.
***
Long before the brick connects with his head, Kurt knows he doesn't really stand a chance. They kick him when he's on the ground, his chest tight with panic. It's painfully obvious that they don't want to prank or tease him. This is a brutal attack, and even though Kurt tries to fight back at first, it's five against one and he goes down quickly.
What hurts the most is that it happens for all the wrong reasons. They spit it into his face. Matchbreaker, they call him. Bond hag. Albino , like the matchless kids. Someone who doesn't deserve a match.
Fama, the Greek goddess of rumors has wings with thousands of feathers and each feather has an eye, an ear and a mouth to spread her lies. His attackers think Kurt is the reason Blaine left Tina, his one true love and soulmate. It's a twisted rumor born out of gossip. Kurt knows it's worse for gay people, and he's never understood why. He just knows that it's unfair. He feels it with every bruise they leave on his body. Very briefly, his thoughts go out to the matchless kids he’s worked with with Blaine, and he has no doubt that each and every one of them deserves a soulmate over the people who keep kicking him.
The brick comes last. One of the guys lifts it up and slams it down, some force added to the drop. It hits Kurt's forehead, right above his eye. His vision blurs and darkens. There's a shrill sound in his ears. Then everything disappears.
***
Blaine wakes up hours after he collapsed on the couch and immediately starts to cry. He usually doesn't. Even though he's the kind of person who gets emotional quickly, he doesn't like to be vulnerable, not even when he's alone, and it's not like him to curl up and sob into a pillow. And yet, that's exactly what's happening and he can't stop. He cries till his eyes burn and breathing gets hard. His heart aches. Everything is raw, his body and his soul.
Finally he manages to send a text to Tina, who shows up a little bit later. Shock and worry are written all over her face when she crouches down in front of Blaine. She's never seen him like this. Blaine just shakes his head. He can't explain.
Tina tries to sooth him, her hand brushing over his cheek. "I'll make you some tea, okay? Everything's okay."
Nothing is okay, though. Blaine can feel it. Something is so wrong that it won't let him think.
Tina puts down a cup of chamomile tea in front of him before she goes to clean up the mess from the broken glass. Blaine watches the steam dissolve and he frowns.
"Kurt," he whispers quietly and sits up.
"What?" Tina cocks her head and looks at him, a dustpan full with shards in her hand.
"Kurt was supposed to be here," Blaine explains and then he reaches for his phone. He dials, but doesn't get through. "He didn't come."
***
When Blaine can't reach Kurt that evening or the next day, he decides to take matters into his own hands. There's this weird feeling in his chest that he can't shake and he's too nervous to think about what it all means. Right now he just wants to get to his boyfriend. He takes the subway to Kurt's place and rings the bell frantically a couple times in a row. He doesn't expect anyone to open the door for him, but relief gives way to worry as soon as he's let in, not by Kurt but by Rachel, his best friend.
Her eyes are red and her face is puffy.
"Blaine," she says and hugs him tightly. They haven't seen each other more than four or five times and always very briefly, but she doesn't seem to care. "I didn't know whether or not to call you. You're lucky you caught me, I'm just packing a few things for him."
"Where is he?" Blaine asks, with no doubt that all of this is about Kurt. "Is he okay?"
Rachel shakes her head briefly, biting her lower lip. "He was attacked yesterday. He's at the hospital. The doctor says he's gonna be fine, but he hasn't woken up yet. They’re keeping him sedated because of the pain."
Once again, Blaine feels sick and he finds himself led to the couch by Rachel, who sits down next to him and takes his hand.
"He was supposed to come for dinner," Blaine says quietly, and his fingers tremble in Rachel's hands. "Who would do something like this?"
"The police think it was a hate crime," Rachel says carefully and she lets the words sink in. "There's an eye witness, an old woman who called the ambulance. She said there were five or six men and they called him a matchbreaker and an albino."
Something hot and sour coils up in Blaine's stomach. He thinks about the kids he talks to every week, about their white hair and their pale skin. He's always hated that people call others albino to insult them, but it hurts even more when it's directed at someone he cares about.
"Kurt's not matchless. And he's not a matchbreaker either." Blaine tries to make sense of it, but can't. "I don't get it."
"People are talking."
Blaine frowns, and it's the look on her face that makes him understand. There's pity in Rachel's eyes, and when Blaine processes it, he turns ice cold with guilt. "It's my fault. They think he broke up my relationship."
"Your soulmateship," Rachel corrects, and squeezes Blaine's hand. "Kurt knows it's not your fault. He'll wake up and he'll be fine."
Something about the way she spoke the last sentence makes Blaine believe that Rachel needs to reassure herself as well as him, and he squeezes back. "Can I go see him?"
"I think he'd expect it from his soulmate."
He's not my soulmate.
Blaine wants to say it. It's on the tip of his tongue. But his chest feels too tight for its own emptiness, and he just knows. The warmth and the happiness, the feeling of finally being at home. Even when all that couldn't convince him, the pain he felt, the pain he still feels, and the certainty in Rachel's voice, leave no more room for denial.
Sometimes light needs darkness.
Blaine wishes it weren't so.
...a beginning
Kurt is the first person Blaine knows who doesn't look smaller in a hospital bed. Even with his eyes closed, cuts on his brow and his lip, and bruises on his face, Kurt looks strong and proud. The Greeks had stories about half gods. This is how Blaine pictures them. He sits at Kurt's bedside for hours and just looks at his face. Every little flutter of his lashes feels like hope, but it takes a long time till Kurt wakes up.
Once it happens, Blaine smiles. "Hey, you."
Kurt doesn't smile. He frowns and the small muscles in his face protest. He flinches against the pain. "What happened?"
Blaine explains it all. He can see the tears glisten in Kurt's eyes, and once again it has nothing to do with weakness. It's pure anger. It dissolves quickly, though. Kurt's too tired. It's obvious. His eyes lose their focus every now and again and he blinks rapidly to stay awake.
"Sleep," Blaine says and takes Kurt's hand. He kisses his knuckles gently. "Get some rest. I'm here now."
Kurt sighs and his breathing evens out. He trusts Blaine. It's the peace of this kind of sleep that finally makes Kurt look as young and as soft as he is. It also makes Blaine realize for the first time that he wouldn't be able to survive if anything happened to Kurt.
***
Love is a tragedy. There's no love story that can be told without it, even if it's just in tiny moments that are soon forgotten.
In Blaine's case, the tragedy stretches out. He stays with Kurt until he wakes up again, but he's quiet and grateful that Kurt is still too out of it to really notice. A little bit later Kurt's father shows up, and Blaine takes it as his excuse to run.
For years he kept his heart carefully guarded to avoid the very situation he's stuck in now. Doomed to love. That's how Blaine has looked at it so far and how he can't look at it anymore. The way he feels for Kurt isn't doom. It's also not love. Not yet, at least. But it's heading there. It doesn't feel forced. There's not this cage he always expected to be trapped in. Instead, it feels like fate chose the person he would have chosen for himself. But it's not a choice at all and a small voice in his head keeps telling him that. It's the same voice that tells him to leave before he loves.
***
He doesn't visit Kurt after that. He doesn't text. He doesn't call. The bond is there, that might be true, but a bond is there between all soulmates and maybe if they never address it, it won't harm them. Blaine starts to feel empty. He eats, he goes to school, he sleeps. But he's just a ghost.
***
Kurt should heal, but he doesn't. The cuts and bruises disappear, but he's in constant pain and he can't keep his eyes open for long. The pressure in his head is something that worries the doctors. They run several tests, but find nothing.
***
Blaine develops a fever out of nowhere. He doesn't have a cold or any other sickness, but his limbs feel heavy and his muscles ache. His temperature keeps rising. Tina brings him chicken soup and looks worried. She has a long conversation with Mike right outside his bedroom. He can't make out the words, but he hears the murmurs.
***
The doctors want to keep him, but Kurt checks out of the hospital. His dad is not pleased, but lets him. Rachel is not pleased, and she keeps whining until Kurt snaps and tells her that she's making his headache worse.
"Should I take you straight home?" she asks after that. The tone in her voice leaves no doubt that she's miffed. She also wants Kurt to notice.
He doesn't have time for games, though. "Blaine's place, please."
Kurt hasn't heard from his boyfriend in days. He doesn't know what's wrong, but guilt can be tricky sometimes and he figures that things will get better now that he's out of the hospital. He still feels like someone used him as a chew toy and spit him out, but mostly he's just longing for his soulmate.
***
"What are you doing here?" Blaine asks when he opens the door and then he becomes aware of how pale Kurt is and that his eyes are half closed. "Oh my God, come in. Sit down."
Blaine helps Kurt drag himself to the couch and he sits down next to him. There's silence between them. It's Kurt who breaks it.
"A relationship is a partnership for me, Blaine." Kurt straightens up and looks over to him. "When I'm on the ground, I expect my partner to be there."
Blaine has to lower his gaze at that. He presses his lips together and nods, thinking about his next words. "There's no excuse…"
"Give me one. Please." Kurt's voice is barely contained anger now. "Because you need a pretty good one to make me understand why you left me alone when I needed you the most."
"You're my soulmate." Blaine draws in a sharp breath and lets it out in stutters. "You're my soulmate, Kurt."
No way back.
"How is that an excuse?" Kurt asks and now he's cautious instead of angry. That's just the thing. Kurt always seems to know what Blaine needs.
"It's not a good one." Blaine turns towards Kurt and takes his hand. "But I'm terrified."
And then Blaine finally starts to talk. About growing up longing for the other soul that would make his own complete. About falling in love over and over again just because there was hope that the right one might come any moment now. Blaine feels the old heartache spread into his veins and muscles when he tells Kurt about the night of the dance, and the boy who wasn't Blaine's soulmate and died before finding true love.
He tells the whole story and then he starts to explain. He explains that he feels manipulated by their bond. Tricked into love. That he doesn't want a relationship based on whatever biological disposition made them perfect for each other.
Much to Blaine's surprise, Kurt smiles. "Are you honestly telling me that our relationship was okay when you still thought that we were just friends slowly turning into something more, but now it's suddenly not okay anymore because we're soulmates?"
"I felt my soulmate die…" Blaine still doesn't understand that. "I was so sure that I was safe with you."
They talk about that too. The overwhelming pain. The tightness in Blaine's chest. They try to think back to the date when it happened and Kurt's eyes go wide. "My dad's diagnosis."
"I felt you were in trouble," Blaine adds and they look at each other like they just found a treasure. "And I wasn't there for you, even though our bond wanted me to."
"Oh, but you were there for me," Kurt replies and there's a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "Weeks later. When I stayed overnight. And you being there for me had nothing to do with the bond. It was just my best friend being there for me."
"But…" Blaine runs his hands through his hair in frustration. He's in way over his head.
"You're not scared of being forced." Kurt gets a little bit closer. Blaine doesn't mind at all. "You're scared of getting hurt. I understand that. Most people are. But do you know what makes soulmates so wonderful?"
"What?"
"Being afraid together makes the fear less scary."
Kurt has a pink scar right above his eyebrow. It will heal nicely. Blaine can't stop staring. He remembers the sheer panic he felt when Kurt got hurt and the need to get to him. To make sure he was okay. To make it all better, simply because Kurt is the most wonderful person he knows. "Do you really think that we would like each other without the bond?"
Now Kurt leans in and kisses Blaine's cheek softly. "I'm positive. We're best friends."
"You know me," Blaine says and means it.
"You're welcome," Kurt replies with a wink.
The fever is gone. So is the pain. They sit next to each other and lean in for a gentle and sweet kiss.
Blaine looks Kurt in the eyes and he knows that he still has a long way to go.
March 28th is a special day because it is my partner (@wipklaine) and most favorite person in the whole world’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Nut. I love you the mostest.
Summary: Kurt feels guilt. The threat to ruin the Easter holidays is real and it's not easy for Blaine to find a way out. Word Count: 1k Warnings: none Author’s note: A birthday present for @hedwig-darren I hope you have chocolate and cake ;) Happy birthday!
Read on [AO3]
"Guilt is a horrible thing. Sometimes it's bigger than the crime itself and on top of that it's ever growing, gnawing away everything good and light."
That's how Kurt starts to explain it. His eyes are glassy and he can barely look Blaine in the eyes. They sit next to each other on the couch, only inches apart. Blaine fears the worst. Of course he does. His husband fumbles with his own fingers and he swallows hard several times.
"I'm so sorry," Kurt says after a moment. The room is thick with tension. It's been like this since 'Can you sit down with me for a second?' and 'We have to talk.' There are several scenarios that come to mind. Everything from an affair to a wrong investment that will eat up their savings and maybe on top of that their children's college funds. "I wish I could turn back time."
Very cautiously Blaine reaches out and rests a hand on Kurt's knee. "Whatever it is, we can get through it, Kurt. Just please talk to me and tell me what happened."
His tone is serious, but encouraging. Blaine is determined to fight for his family. There's no other option. What he doesn't expect is the confusion on his husband's face. Kurt's eyes widen and his lips form an 'Oh' before his cheeks blush and there's the smallest of smiles that makes him look younger.
"Right," he says and takes Blaine's hand. "I should have maybe started with that… It's just so embarrassing."
Blaine's still prepared for everything. "It's okay."
"I ate the chocolate bunnies."
Maybe Blaine hasn't been prepared for this. "What?"
The redness from Kurt's cheeks spread over his entire face and he scrunches up his nose. "The chocolate bunnies for the kids… I ate them. And now I feel like I'm about to pull a Jimmy Kimmel prank on our children only that there's no happy end where I tell them it's a joke. There are no bunnies."
Blaine tries very hard not to laugh. He should have guessed that whenever Kurt gets dramatic like this, it's usually not that big a deal. That's a trait they have in common. But he also would never minimize Kurt's suffering like that. After all, guilt is a horrible thing.
"Hey, it's okay," Blaine tries and the glare he receives from Kurt lets him know that he's probably still too easy to read even when he doesn't laugh. "We just go out and buy new ones. We still have a day."
"They were from the farmer's market!" Kurt is utterly offended and then he seems to remember that all of this is his fault. He repeats his own words but thick with regret. "They were from the farmer's market…"
Blaine thinks for a moment. He hates to see Kurt miserable. More than that, he really doesn't want to let down the little ones. There has to be a solution. It's somewhere. All they need is something sweet, something that's a bunny and something with more value than a chocolate bunny from Target. Then suddenly he remembers. "Kurt!"
"What?"
"Remember Easter 2016?" Blaine grins widely now and he waits till the memory hits Kurt too.
When it does they grin at each other.
"The cake bunnies." Kurt's voice is triumphant now and determination makes him sit up straight. "You're a genius."
Blaine receives a smooch on the cheek and then they both hurry to get to work. Kurt gets out all the ingredients while Blaine goes through a few kitchen drawers that are barely ever opened. They contain various tools to make truffles, a cheese knife that's a little bit bigger than their usual cheese knife and a lemon squeezer they never really understood how to work among other things Blaine doesn't even remotely understand. In the third drawer, he finds the baking forms he's been looking for.
A couple years ago Rachel half-drunkenly admitted that as a child she had desperately wanted to get a chocolate bunny, if only once. Kurt being Kurt he was dead set to bunny Rachel's life up, but soon enough he gave up when he couldn't find a vegan Easter bunny that didn't look horrible. Instead he bought baking form and made her bunny cake. Afterwards Kurt felt accomplished, Rachel was happy and Blaine found another reason to be in love.
Now he's preparing the forms for Kurt and helping with the smaller preparations while Kurt himself is whirling through the kitchen, focused on baking the perfect cake to make up for the chocolate bunny murder.
It takes five hours till they're done, till the cake has cooled down enough to frost it and place it on edible Easter grass. It looks absolutely stunning.
Blaine takes a picture – a real one and a mental one – and files the bunny cake away together with Kurt's happy smile.
The next day their children squeal when they see their Easter present. They don't know it yet, but they will turn into superstars at preschool and school because who needs a lame chocolate bunny when you can have cake? Kurt still feels slightly guilty, but Blaine knows the feeling will pass.
In the evening, when they lay in bed together, wrapped up in each other's limbs, their skin hot and their hearts beating fast, Blaine remembers the flour in Kurt's hair and the chocolate that he licked from his finger. He smiles and looks up at his husband. "Why did you eat the chocolate in the first place?"
"Huh?" Kurt asks lazily, his eyes almost closed. Then he grasps Blaine's question. The blush is back. "Oh. Right… I needed something to calm my nerves and there was no other chocolate in in the house."
"Calm your nerves from what?"
"Being nervous," Kurt admits. "I couldn't get my present for you right and I was close to just buying you socks."
Blaine laughs and kisses Kurt's shoulder, nuzzling his skin. "You got it right in the end. It's perfect."
The bow tie with the little bunnies and flowers lies on the nightstand.
"I only got it right after I had the chocolate," Kurt explains.
"Well, in that case…" Blaine shifts his weight and stretches out, half on top of Kurt to reach his lips and kiss him softly. "The end justifies the means."
"Because it's a happy end?" Kurt asks.
"It is," Blaine grins and starts to squirm. "And the way I see it, it will be once again in just a few minutes…"
Summary: The original love story - the Sun and the Moon, doomed to never meet. Until they decide to change their own fate.
Word count: 1.227
Read on [AO3]
Wenn sie auch träumen
von einem Märchen
ein Pärchen werden sie nie
They use the sky as their paper as they write love letters to each other. The humans usually stand and watch in awe when the Sun and the Moon write back and forth in light purples and reds, fiery oranges and yellows and blues that tell stories about the light of day or the darkness of night, depending on whether it's dusk or dawn. Mortals can't understand. They are small compared to this love written high above them.
The Moon controls the seas, changes the tides. There's a reason why tears taste like the ocean and the ocean tastes like tears. It's a melody of mourning. Like a waltz. Every time the water rolls back in, crashes against the land and splashes and sighs in relief, the Moon watches. What looks so powerful to every human eye, to him it's a tender touch and he longs for it.
The Sun gathers the water. He tries to lift it up, before the weight becomes too heavy and he drops it again. When it rains, the sky is crying. It's a miracle that it makes the world grow and the Sun reaches out time and again to give enough warmth and make the flowers bloom. Colors that his distant lover can barely ever see, vibrant and strong.
"Do you think, they can love the way we love?" the Sun asks when his beams illuminate his lover's face for just a few minutes longer, just enough to make them see each other.
"In the cold of the night, that's the only thing that keeps them warm," the Moon replies and it's vague and a truth so deep it seems unreal. But that's the way the Moon talks and he turns away, giving the Sun the room he needs.
It's a story that lasts for millions of years.
The Moon grows tired.
The Sun grows desperate.
Until they decide to break the circle.
"I want to write a fairy tale." The Sun's hope is unwavering when he leaves his home.
The Universe won't stop working. The sun will still shine. Only its guardian will be gone. He closes his eyes and falls asleep to dream up a life. His soul roams the Earth until it finds a kindred spirit. Someone who likes to watch the flowers bloom. Someone who can't lift the weight of tears for long. The Sun has a smile on his face when he's born as a human being.
The Moon is hesitant. He watches the child grow in his mother's womb and at night, he sings one lullaby after the other, too ancient for humans to know the melodies. He knows that he could stay and watch over the soul that was once so powerful and big and is now so small, yet still glowing with the brightest light.
Or he could leave too. Away from the safety of the cool darkness that makes him look far more delicate than he is.
When he makes his decision, the Moon is scared. What guides him is the heartbeat of a boy not yet born. Down. Down to Earth. Into a new life.
Another soul. Another child. Longing for the tides to change. His tears will taste like the ocean and he will be aware of that. It's comforting to know that a part of you is bigger than you can imagine. His heart sings a melody of mourning, but when he lies awake at night, he stays warm and he keeps holding on. There's a reason why.
The days pass as fast as centuries. The bodies die, but not the souls. Sometimes a few hundred years can feel like a million.
A couple times the Sun and the Moon almost meet. Destiny always has different plans. When your fate is to always find your other half only in the passing, it's hard to find your place.
There's a young man and he can't remember the last time his smile was genuine. He is sure that there's more to life than what he's seen soon so far. He's searching. But he's so tired of it.
When he walks down the stairs, he almost wants to go home. His friends hurt him and it still stings. The only reason he even came to this place is because he's curious himself. It's that very reason that makes him call out to the boy in front of him. Not the one before and not the one after. "Oh, excuse me. Uhm, hi... Can I ask you a question? I’m new here…"
There's a young man and he has so much to give, but he's scared of it and he hides it away. Sometimes control is an art of survival. He's searching. But he's too scared to open his eyes doing it.
When he hears the voice behind him, it's the sound of a lock that clicks open. There's freedom. Fresh air. And light. "My name's Blaine."
"…Kurt."
There they are. And everything falls into place.
***
"Dad?" Tracy climbs from the cushioned stool to the chair and then into Kurt's lap. "What does moon-eyed mean?"
Kurt frowns and pulls his daughter closer, hugging her tight. "Where did you hear that word?"
"Daddy used it in a story yesterday. About a princess who looks like me."
"Did he, now?" Kurt asks with a smile and he boops his daughter's nose when she nods enthusiastically. She's a tiny miracle. Every day. "Well, it's when your eyes go wide. Like when you think something is really awesome and you stare at it with eyes wide open?"
"Like when I want cookies!" Tracy exclaims and Kurt just agrees with her for the sake of it.
"Yes. Exactly like that."
His daughter slides off his lap and runs off again. Her curiosity comes in tidal waves and it goes away just as quickly. Kurt picks up his book again and sighs. His husband has a thing for old-fashioned words to decorate his bedtime stories with. But to explain them to their daughter, that's somehow always Kurt's job.
***
Blaine is late for dinner so when he warms up his pasta in the microwave, Tracy and Kurt are already having their chocolate. As per usually, Kurt is engrossed in getting the last tiny bit of his desert out of the bowl, his tongue sticking out when he tries to be a role model for their daughter and not use his fingers for the complicated task.
Suddenly his pudding eating challenge is interrupted though and it's because Tracy squeals and giggles, pointing at Blaine.
"What's the matter, munchkin?" Kurt asks and frowns.
"Daddy's moon-eyed," Tracy explains and still chuckles as if he's telling the joke of the century. "You're a chocolate chip cookie, dad!"
Kurt and Blaine exchange looks. Their whole world, including their daughter, disappears for a moment. They know who they are. What they are. And they give each other a smile that makes the air around them sizzle with love.
"Were you having moon-eyes or me, sunshine?" Kurt asks and blinks slowly.
Blaine walks over and leans down to kiss his husband's lips. "Looks like you're rubbing off on me."
Kurt hums and when Blaine pulls away, he winks. Their daughter is still laughing. Everything's perfect. "And that's how you write a fairy tale."
Kurt Hummel hears it often enough. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But what if you're not a fish? What if you're a seahorse?
Alternative first meeting, kinda rambly fluff, inspired by a scene from Grandfathered
Word count: ~1,300 words
Read on [AO3]
It's a pool party. One of those where teenagers believe they're living the thug life because they're drinking wine coolers and real beer even though their taste buds have never come close to anything as disgusting as that. They suck it up, though. What counts is the feeling of belonging.
Kurt got dragged here by Rachel who got invited by Finn. He pretends that he's annoyed by being here, that he's above all this even when he kind of likes it. He shimmies his shoulders occasionally when a cute guy passes him and he tries to stay in the 'buzz zone' as he calls it. When your skin tingles from the alcohol, but you're not doing any embarrassing stuff. Yet.
Needless to stay, it's hard to stay in the buzz zone when Finn is making out with Rachel and Sebastian Smythe is at the party as well. Entitled prick.
Kurt stops his shimmy and grabs another bottle of orange liquid that tastes like white gummy bears. He had this vision of himself finding someone tonight. It's always the same when he goes out. Because Kurt Hummel might pretend that he's above all the wild pseudo-party life, but in reality he just wants to find someone to dance with and giggle and eventually make out.
He doesn't have a chance, though. Not with Smythe attending the party. Dropping down on a yellow inflatable chair that squeaks every time he moves, Kurt sips from his drink and glares. Whenever people say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, Kurt thinks they should try and live as a gay teenager in Lima, Ohio. Sure, there are plenty of fish, but when you're a probably endangered species of seahorse, you're doomed, especially when there is another seahorse that arranges all other remaining members of their species around himself like they're part of an underwater carousel.
Okay, so maybe he's going too far with the fish metaphor. But the truth is that there are only so many social events big enough to present Kurt with an opportunity to find someone. And whenever that happens, the Westerville crew is usually coming along and Sebastian ruins every chance Kurt has to get into flirting mode.
Right now he's surrounded by four guys, all of them smiling and hanging on his lips like he's some sort of gay guru. Kurt's fed up with it. He's fed up with being alone, with coming to parties only for Rachel, with sitting around in squeaky chairs.
He's about to get up and leave when someone new enters the stage. Kurt probably wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been watching Sebastian and the way he straightened up when he saw the stranger. Kurt's eyes followed Sebastian's gaze and his eyes widened.
Cute guy. Kurt finds himself squirming a little and taking another sip from his drink. The stranger is their age with dark hair and a gorgeous smile. His outfit is quirky but fashionable enough to make it look classy. It's an intriguing mix. What's the most special thing about Cute Guy though, is the look on his face. He enters the garden with his hands in his pockets, taking in his surroundings like every little thing about the evening is spectacular and perfect. Kurt's barely ever seen anyone who is so obviously and openly enthusiastic about just being in a random garden on a regular Friday evening.
Cute Guy's eyes widen and so does his smile as he waves at Sebastian. Kurt squints his eyes when he becomes aware that Smythe has gotten rid of his shirt. How fast did he do that? He stands up to hug the stranger who blushes and they pat each other's back. Kurt's heart is sinking. If they're friends, then Cute Guy's probably an entitled jerk who takes trips to the animal shelter to insult baby kitten and old dogs.
Kurt gets another bottle of gummy bear booze and drinks half of it down at once. When he takes a breath, his head is spinning and he decides he has to use the bath room and if only to get away from the loud music and clear his mind a little. He also uses the tiny break to fix his hair and check his clothes. When he comes back, he decides it's time to go. Because Sebastian is lying stretched out on one of the deck chairs and he fills is belly button up with what looks like vodka.
Tugging on Cute Guy's shirt, he points at his stomach and cocks his head with a grin. "I accidentally spilled into my belly button. Can you help me out with that?"
Kurt crosses his arms and rolls his eyes and gives into the urge to mumble a silent curse. "Oh please, you barely got abs."
The stranger is blushing and Kurt knows where this is going. He's not sure he wants to see this, but he can't tear his eyes away either. And then the most amazing thing happens.
Instead of sucking booze out of Sebastian Smythe's belly button, Cute Guy reaches for one of the tables that are scattered around the garden to provide with cups and snacks and picks up a napkin.
"Let me help you with that," he says and quickly dries off Sebastian's stomach. "There you go."
Sebastian is speechless for the first time ever and Kurt can't help the small giggle that escapes him. The sound attracts a few looks from people around, including those of Cute Guy who seem to be genuinely confused and completely oblivious. But he smiles nonetheless and Kurt's heart skips a beat.
They both look at each other for a few moments, grinning and blushing and then Kurt's mouth goes dry when Cute Guy walks over, leaving Sebastian behind.
"Hi, my name is Blaine," Cute Guy says, holding out his hand. It's nice to have a name to the face.
"Kurt." They shake hands and Kurt nods towards Sebastian. "I'm pretty sure he wasn't asking for a napkin."
Blaine looks like he doesn't understand for a moment and Kurt can see the exact moment the penny drops. "Oh my God. He wanted body shots!"
It makes Kurt chuckle. "Yes. I'm pretty sure."
They stand there, two strangers, and Kurt's heart beats fast when Blaine rubs the back of his neck. "Sometimes I'm a bit slow. Especially when I'm nervous."
"Why were you nervous?" Kurt asks and he tries to be really cool and flirty by lowering his voice to what's supposed to be a husky whisper. He sounds pretty silly. But it makes Blaine smile harder and that's what matters right now.
"Because I saw you sitting here, all mopey and by yourself and I was wondering how I could change that."
Kurt's mouth forms an 'oh' until he remembers that he wanted to be really cool and flirty. Husky voice. He's got this. "You could just offer me a drink? From a cup or a bottle. Like normal people. No belly buttons involved."
Blaine lets out a chuckle and straightens up. "Do you want a drink? No belly buttons involved?"
"I'd love that," Kurt says and nods. "I really do."
They find themselves a second inflatable chair and try to stay in the buzz zone together. The orange drinks get skipped for red ones that are a tiny bit sweeter and sparkle more. They dance. They giggle. They don't make out. And their shirts stay on.
A couple days later they meet for coffee.
"Did you know," Kurt says, "that seahorses court for several days just swimming alongside each other, mirroring their movements? It looks like a tiny underwater dance."
"Interesting," Blaine says and splits a cookie for them.
"I think so too." Kurt takes a bite and smiles. "I really do."
I’m just gonna put out there that my Blaine Big Bang fic took a turn I didn’t see coming and now I’m kinda excited. I like it when the storyline runs away from me. Especially after being stuck for quite some time.