WIZARD NEWS

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

[fal slams that shit back like a shotglass.] ooh, zingy!!

my name's fallow; your boss--er--coworker?--has talked to me before. i was wondering if you guys are hiring.

Name identified. Fallow, designation, friend. There is a message for you. Would you like to hear it?

oh- yeah, have at it!

Message is as follows:

"The Eightfold, King or Queen Power or Value is to be seen.

The Destroyer, the Patsy, the Pawn Promoted Continues on their deadly quest, devoted.

The Coward, the Knight of Stories Hides their absent Face from worries

Consumption hands to us the Tower and is playing a different game.

And once all questions are answered They will meet in the field of Greatest Sin One will hunger, one be fed, All victorious, No-one wins."

End of message.

what? um . $#!% i need a pen and paper one second. is the news anchor here???

No. Have you completed your business?

um, ok- im... not sure- could i leave a message for them?

Of course.

alright. um. start message:

hey, i was just checking in because i wanted to ask if youre looking for field reporters or archivists or something. i... hope you're okay? it seems like there's a lot going on here. i got your message and i know who like three of the people are unless one of them is you in which case all four i guess. do you normally distribute prophecies??? um- anyway, just get to me when you can, if you would? thanks.

end message. thank you, um. that will be all

Understood. Good day.

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

[fal slams that shit back like a shotglass.] ooh, zingy!!

my name's fallow; your boss--er--coworker?--has talked to me before. i was wondering if you guys are hiring.

Name identified. Fallow, designation, friend. There is a message for you. Would you like to hear it?

oh- yeah, have at it!

Message is as follows:

"The Eightfold, King or Queen Power or Value is to be seen.

The Destroyer, the Patsy, the Pawn Promoted Continues on their deadly quest, devoted.

The Coward, the Knight of Stories Hides their absent Face from worries

Consumption hands to us the Tower and is playing a different game.

And once all questions are answered They will meet in the field of Greatest Sin One will hunger, one be fed, All victorious, No-one wins."

End of message.

what? um . $#!% i need a pen and paper one second. is the news anchor here???

No. Have you completed your business?

um, ok- im... not sure- could i leave a message for them?

Of course.

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

[fal slams that shit back like a shotglass.] ooh, zingy!!

my name's fallow; your boss--er--coworker?--has talked to me before. i was wondering if you guys are hiring.

Name identified. Fallow, designation, friend. There is a message for you. Would you like to hear it?

oh- yeah, have at it!

Message is as follows:

"The Eightfold, King or Queen Power or Value is to be seen.

The Destroyer, the Patsy, the Pawn Promoted Continues on their deadly quest, devoted.

The Coward, the Knight of Stories Hides their absent Face from worries

Consumption hands to us the Tower and is playing a different game.

And once all questions are answered They will meet in the field of Greatest Sin One will hunger, one be fed, All victorious, No-one wins."

End of message.

what? um . $#!% i need a pen and paper one second. is the news anchor here???

No. Have you completed your business?

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

[fal slams that shit back like a shotglass.] ooh, zingy!!

my name's fallow; your boss--er--coworker?--has talked to me before. i was wondering if you guys are hiring.

Name identified. Fallow, designation, friend. There is a message for you. Would you like to hear it?

oh- yeah, have at it!

Message is as follows:

"The Eightfold, King or Queen Power or Value is to be seen.

The Destroyer, the Patsy, the Pawn Promoted Continues on their deadly quest, devoted.

The Coward, the Knight of Stories Hides their absent Face from worries

Consumption hands to us the Tower and is playing a different game.

And once all questions are answered They will meet in the field of Greatest Sin One will hunger, one be fed, All victorious, No-one wins."

End of message.

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

[fal slams that shit back like a shotglass.] ooh, zingy!!

my name's fallow; your boss--er--coworker?--has talked to me before. i was wondering if you guys are hiring.

Name identified. Fallow, designation, friend. There is a message for you. Would you like to hear it?

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

ooh, may i taste the ink?

#coolness #cool art #wizard art

You may.

*A small paper cup of a thick, blue-black liquid is proffered*

For our records, could you please state your name.

knock knock

*A mark A-20 news homunculous answers the door.*

Hello. Thank you for visiting WIZARD NEWS. Currently we are suffering an interruption in service caused by:

Several fires.

Sporadic breakdown of local reality.

An infestation of severed heads.

And a curse.

However, we still offer many services, including:

Requisition of information from our archives.

The taking of statements no longer than five minutes.

Delivery of prophecies (One New Prophecy Available!)

Letting you taste the ink.

wizard-eater

Ok! Unfinished/unpolished Ahno sketches!

@ahno-nimus @wizard-news

wizard-eater

Wizart Wednesday!

I doodled some more of my awesome WIZARD frens! @skulkie @ahno-nimus @elisabewitch

somehow barbarians got into the @the-better-wizard-council and @the-worse-wizard-council head quarters this is very important

Ah! Give us a quick moment to Scry the event in question. . . .

There we go. You will be featured in tomorrows edition.

#missives #breaking wizard news

the taxes of this reality we are in right now are dead oh and the godess of gravity is dead and i made gravity just a bit lighter sorry about all the barbarians jumping into the towers

We anticipate a re-emergence or re-forming within the next 16-17 business days.

the god/goddess of legal law is dead i killed with a legal loop hole and got their spark of divinity im keeping it but the god of trade is also dead and they included taxes so overall taxes is dead and so is court the god of trade was killed by the gnomish bastard

Wizard news is a multi-universal publication, and thus is subject to multiple pantheons.

… shit thats a lot of loopholes. i can try to get the government to fix them but that would require me to spend the next six years filling out paperwork and you know what its someone elses problem now.

Fabulous!

hi im the irs bird, have you sent in your tax paperwork?

Of course! Our Tax Zombie, Nash, filed it last week. Due to a series of loopholes, we are required to pay no more than a single acorn every month.