accio cupcakes!

Jordan. he/him/his. Autistic & otherwise disabled, mixed POC, gay crusty punk farmer trans guy. {Hufflepuff}. i run Feral Is My Heart zine distro (feralismyheart.tumblr.com).

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[halt-this-eclipse]

WILLING TO HELP IMMUNE COMPROMISED PPL IN NEED

Hi!! This document is divided up into 3 categories - Can Ship Supplies, Local Help / Deliveries, and General & Other. Within these categories, entries are organized alphabetically by state and country. If you are adding an entry, please put it under the applicable group/s and location! If ...

[mrsfallontimberlake-deactivated]

People talk about how hard long distance relationships are but nobody talks about the struggle of long distance friendships. I would give my left leg right now to just be able to sit in our pjs and watch movies or to just be able to give a big fucking hug. 

[kingrauru]

i see posts all the time that say “shoutout to trans kids who are closeted and misgendered constantly” but let’s give a shoutout to those who already came out of the closet and are STILL misgendered.

I know it hurts to find the courage to come out only to be denied. one day you will find people who will respect you for who you are. you deserve better.

[silencingmachine]

I found some pics from Dr. Devin O’Brien-Coon’s phalloplasty surgeries on transbucket, and they are some of the best phalloplasty results I think I’ve ever seen!!! Holy shit.

And there are pics from someone who had surgery with him who’s nonbinary and had RFF phalloplasty with a scrotoplasty but no vaginectomy, no urethral lengthening, nerve hookup but no “clitoral” (their term) burial into their dick. That’s really interesting - I’ve never seen those options together before, only heard about them. That’s not what I want, but it’s really interesting to see – especially seeing someone specifically nonbinary who’s had phalloplasty, I haven’t seen that before.

Anyway, the more I look at these different phalloplasty photos, and other phalloplasty pics of O’Brien-Coon’s – and some other phalloplasty pics – and think about it, and what I see in my head when I think about the body I need, I have a feeling I’m gonna end up going for phalloplasty – but who the fuck knows.

I definitely am gonna see about setting up a consultation with O’Brien-Coon sometime this year.

I’m also listening to this interview (the longer one to download) with O’Brien-Coon with the nonbinary patient mentioned above about their experience with getting a phalloplasty with him. Here it is: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/articles/gender-affirming-treatment

[wizardxcore]

^ that’s my transition blog

[silencingmachine]

i found out that a surgeon in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins who does trans surgeries does metoidioplasties, not just phalloplasties!! i re-found this blog https://gaytranswerewolf.tumblr.com/tagged/bottom-surgery with a tag full of stuff about his meta and he went to Devin O’Brien-Coon in Bmore this fall!! so important for me to know!!

i still haven’t gotten around to calling surgeons because i don’t have the money for surgeries, i still don’t feel sure enough about what surgery exactly i want, i’m not in the shape i want to be in exactly, and i’ve had other things in my life that took priority.

i moved back to my dad’s last week though for a few different reasons, and he lives out in the middle of nowhere in a small rural town where i partly grew up. i’m stealth here (have been since i think not long after i started T in 2004), and being stealth specifically in such a small, rural area makes me even more conscious of my body dysphoria, more anxious, etc. than i already was basically every fucking day. i’ve packed while sleeping for days since i got here, which i don’t usually do.

i haven’t looked into Devin O’Brien-Coon again yet, and haven’t looked more into others, but i have a list of them on here somewhere. i only remember McGinn, O’Brien-Coon, and Schecter.

[wizardxcore]

^ that’s my transition blog

[wizardxcore]

it is such complete bullshit because of FOSTA/SESTA (anti-sex workers law) that tumblr is banning porn & i guess other nudity on Dec 17!!! fuck that. this ban is gonna cut into a lot of sex workers’ livelihoods! they deserve to make a living just like everyone else does, and tumblr seems to be part of a good way to do that. i have a feeling that a lot of people are gonna ditch tumblr because of this. i’m personally not going to delete my blogs or anything because i wanna keep them for zines (like i wanna keep this one) and other stuff, but i’m in solidarity with people who are. anyway brb deleting all the cool / sexy pics i reblogged on here :C

[wizardxcore]

just a reminder

my current blog is stimmycore. follow if you want. i’m on tumblr a lot less than i used to be cuz it eventually got overwhelming / i got out of the habit, but i’m still on some.

[maa-iingan]

READ!! THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE!!!! (This is all I have!!)

My health is actually failing. I’m not being dramatic when I say I could die If I don’t get the medical help I need.

I suffer from chronic illnesses (a rare version of MTHFR HOMOZYGOUS, HIT, DEEP VEIN THROMBOSIS, AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE + more) and I am disabled and trans. I am jobless due to my illnesses and I am currently without any necessary resources to survive, be healthy, stable, or safe..

I have a rare blood clotting disease that causes me to be at the HIGHEST RISK possible to have a heart attack, aneurysm, or stroke. This disease has also resulted in multiple major surgeries, and countless other major procedures that have left me with debilitating chronic pain and other disabilities (limited use of my dominate arm, and even tasks like sweeping leave my arms in immense pain). I have two stints in my chest keeping my main vein open to my right arm so the blood can flow to it. And it still has trouble flowing back which causes swelling and excruciating pain in my arm. The main vein in my chest has been patched and dissected from a vein from my thigh because the veins in my right arm and chest are so damaged they weren’t able to save much. I had to get a rib removed because it was pinching my vein and causing clotting during which damaged a lot of muscles in my chest and shoulder causing even more chronic pain. They also wired my chest shut.

So I NEED to have access to good health care. I’m chronically ill with horrible and scary diseases. I’ve already almost died three times, and have been on my death bed twice.. I’m in and out of hospitals constantly, they don’t have the resources to help. I NEED HELP. I NEED TO LEAVE AND MOVE IN ORDER TO SURVIVE!!! Please fucking help me!! Boost my links, donate whatever! I’m grateful for anything !!

I DON’T WANT TO DIE I’ve been fighting for my life since I was 16. I’m taking my health seriously and using the little bit of energy that I have to get shit done.

I’m honestly only asking for the bare minimum of what I need to move, and for rent…

I’m trying to move to Colorado to escape (my abuser and stalker that I have a really traumatic history with. Violence and including assaults) I’m stuck in my hometown right now in northern MN. Where I’m at right now IS NOT safe for me and I NEED to leave..

My friend in Colorado has a place that I can move into ASAP, I just need first and last months rent. I have to move this month or she has to find a different roommate because of her own financial situation, so this is my ONE and only lucky chance!! I NEED to move to Colorado for access to better health care (to keep me alive), and for my own safety.. This is VITAL for my health (mentally and physically).

PLEASE DONATE OR BOOST MY LINKS!!!

NOW IS THE TIME TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT AND BE AN ALLY !! ALSO PLEASE READ AND SHARE MY STORY/LINKS!! REPOST, & REBLOG!! Copy and paste my links & story & share on ALL your social media’s (twitter, Facebook, tumblr and Instagram!!!!) it helps me so much !

USING PayPal/Venmo IS A DIRECT WAY TO HELP ME!!

https://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage

https://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage

https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2272988271476736476

If you donate, message me so I can thank you personally !!! Thank you ♥️

[symphonicelectronic]

Please help this person get the safety they deserve.

[thearticulateautistic-blog]

Please help this human get the help he needs. 

[maa-iingan]

I STILL NEED HELP!! I only have days left!!!

[thearticulateautistic-blog]

Signal boost!

[stonertransdad]

Please help Yves! If you can’t donate, please reblog. This is literally life or death.

[maa-iingan]

IM RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND IM SO STRESSED! PLEASE, PLEASE, donate ANYTHING, and BOOST!!

This is ALL I HAVE AND IM LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE!!!

[twinlynx]

signal boost

everyone who encounters this

STOP SCROLLING

reblog

[maa-iingan]

I only have like 36 hours left!!!!!!!please help me !!! Please !!

[maa-iingan]

I only have one day left !!!! Please help me!!!

I NEED TO SURVIVE. I NEED TO MOVE. I NEED TO BE SAFE

[merula-snyde-deactivated2021012]

//Instead of donating to my ko-fi (which a lot of you have been doing and I’m so grateful and can actually get the medication I need this month, so I’m good), please please donate to Yves. Living with chronic disease in an unsafe environment is terrifying. There’s a way out for him.

[a-nightmare-in-a-bottle]

please help him. he deserves to live. everyone deserves to live and he’s got the roughest end of things. if anyone wants to donate, ill do a drawing or tarot/pendulum reading for you. please help him.

[maa-iingan]

PLEASE HELP ME !! I NEED YOUR HELP!

IM AO STRESSED PLEASE, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING COUNTS!! ♥️

[princesseizzy]

He has LESS THAN 24 HOURS LEFT AS OF TODAY 12/11 SO PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST AND DONATE WHATEVER YOU CAN!!!

[minotaurusrex-deactivated202007]

If you see this, stop, and re blog. If you have even a few dollars you can spare, please help him!

[maa-iingan]

I ONLY HAVE HOURS LEFT!!!! Please help me!!!

Anything and EVERYTHING COUNTS!!!!

[my-clematis]

STOP SCROLLING

Please boost this or donate or both!

[halt-this-eclipse]

Please reblog & signal boost this, and donate if you can!!

[ourgalaxysystem]

Fighting Lyme disease and co-infections as Queerly as I can. I figure if my pile of pills is organized by gay colors 🌈 I’ll get healthier faster. Sound logic, right? In effort to update you all, I saw a Lyme literate doctor earlier this week and got diagnosed with several infections, including Borrellia, Babesia, Bartonella, and intestinal parasites. As well as heavy metal and pesticide toxicity. I’ve been having troubles with short term memory and often feeling lost in the day. I continue having seizures almost every day, pain everywhere and so much fatigue. I feel like I’ve aged so many decades In just a year. But it’s no wonder with all these infections and toxins. That’s why I’ve gotten so sick. Yikes. So I’ve got a long road of healing to go, probably a couple years, and it’s frightening how much it’s going to take. Time and energy and money. I need to drop out of school but I can’t support myself or house myself. I hate needing so much but having very little ability to meet my needs. It’s so many complications stacked up, y'all. I could really use all the help I can get. 😭😫😭

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So, my good friend Jo is really, really sick with late stage Lyme Disease, hasn’t been able to get much better with treatments so far, and doesn’t have the money to keep up with their medical stuff. Their health has declined rapidly even just over the past year, and it’s really scary. They super need money, but if you can’t donate, please please please share this and copy/paste my status so people will know. Thanks so much <3

https://www.gofundme.com/jolymemedicalexpenses

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Click here to support Jo's Lyme Medical Expenses organized by Jordyn Wagner

Hello there, Friends! My name is Jordyn Wagner and I am writing on behalf of Jo (formerly Joy McCracken). Jo and I are the same age and we grew up together in the Yakima Valley. As adults, we have both been diagnosed with chronic, late-stage Lyme Disease. For me, my battle with Lyme started w...

So, my good friend Jo is really, really sick with late stage Lyme Disease, hasn’t been able to get much better with treatments so far, and doesn’t have the money to keep up with their medical stuff. Their health has declined rapidly even just over the past year, and it’s really scary. They super need money, but if you can’t donate, please please please reblog & signal boost this!! Thanks <3

Also idk yet what’s up with how the info on the fundraiser is written (haven’t heard back from Jo about that yet), but Jo’s name is Jo, they use they/them pronouns, they’re nonbinary. Don’t misgender my friend, k thanks.

https://www.gofundme.com/jolymemedicalexpenses

[wizardxcore]

boooooooost pleeeeeeease <3

[wizardxcore]

i get new email notifications of new followers and stuff on here every now and then, so reminder that i switched a while ago to a new blog: stimmycore

[halt-this-eclipse]

Yves seriously needs help right now so if y'all can go to his bio on his profile & go to the link & share that and donate if possible, that’d help him. He’s a chronically ill trans guy & lost his job because he’s ill, he can’t afford his rent now & could be homeless next week, he can’t afford the meds he needs to survive with a rare blood clotting disorder, he’s got doctors appointments he needs to get to, etc. You can donate here: http://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage

Repost from @maaiingan using @RepostRegramApp - I still need your help!! Please boost and repost wherever you can!! my donation link is in my bio and I’d appreciate everyone who boosts my link and story, I’m doing the best that I can right now, but it’s not enough at the moment.. I love every.single.one.of.you. Who have donated or boosted my story. I still have a long way to go and I need as much help as I can get! (Medical bills and surviving funds are a lot) Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️ Mii-gwetch ♥️message me if you donate so I can thank you personally, I love you, and again THANK YOU for helping me in my time of need

[dancelikeyrfighting]

i guess some people are still following me here? this is a suuuuuper old blog that i really don’t come on anymore. my current one is stimmycore

[wizardxcore]

^me

[wizardxcore]

Today I was actually able to crouch and lean to plant a bunch of seeds in the gardens with my dad's new neighbor/tenant :) We planted beets, carrots, radishes I think, turnips, replanted some peas. :) I wasn't here last spring because of school (and doctors appointments) but wasn't able to do that much last summer. I've been in a really, really awful pain flare-up for almost a week now, enough that I went back to my pain meds I'd been on before my first dose of ketamine a week ago, but I'm starting to feel better finally. Still not sure how much I'll actually be able to do overall because it's really, really inaccessible here, but I got a barrel and hanging planters so I can have smaller spaces that are higher up, and I've got a camping chair, so we'll see.

[silencingmachine]

Yesterday was my last dose of T gel, and I don’t think it was even close to my weaned dose (around 0.4g). Anyway, I’m off T again. Not entirely sure how I feel about it at this time, but it’s too fucking expensive for my very limited budget, it’s not like I’m in puberty mode anymore so it’s just maintenance, T did what I wanted it to do a long time ago, etc. Maybe I’ll change my mind later on, but for now, I think I’m good, I dunno.

Although ideally I want to let my body just chill and readjust, I’m thinking about getting an IUD or something else like that since Trump is gonna be prez (ugh) and I don’t wanna get knocked up or anything, and I’m worried about a lack of access to something like Depo shots, etc. We’ll see.

[wizardxcore]

^also, 5 days ago (Nov 17), i stopped testosterone again

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(cn: ableism)

Had an appointment with a physical medicine & rehab (PM&R) doc (a resident) at an inconveniently-located hospital in the city yesterday. Yesterday was my first day using my crutches in the city also. And I was so incredibly anxious from the election result of fucking Voldemort (trump) that not only did my Lamictal tremor feel worse, but pretty much my entire body was just shaking with anxiety. I couldn’t take more valerian root (herb that can calm anxiety) than my usual one capsule per morning because I’d also already taken Neurontin, and they both can make me drowsy. I took my medium-small backpack with my planner and a notebook and so on in it, and it was awkward getting that off and on, and trying to lean my forearm crutches against walls or across chairs in ways so that they wouldn’t fall over. 

Some of the first things that happened at the outpatient PM&R unit was, when I still had my crutches on and the receptionist tried to give me too many things at once to carry back to my chair (which was only a few feet away, but still, c’mon) and the pen started rolling off the clipboard and I couldn’t grab all the papers and my ID and insurance card at once, an older woman came over and told me to sit down and she’d hand me the clipboard and pen, and took it away, without me asking for someone else’s help. I mean, it was ultimately nice of her, but she should have thought to ask if I needed help – I could have (and was going to) just put a bunch of the stuff down and slide the pen under the clip so it wouldn’t fall. I just put my crutches against the wall, put my backpack down, and the woman handed me the stuff. I filled out all the patient intake forms as easily as I usually do, if not more easily, since I’m used to this, and gave the clipboard and forms back to the receptionist. She looked and me and smiled and said in a babying voice, “Good job!” as if I’d performed some monumental task. UGH. I’m not a fucking child, asshat.

I was not very impressed with the PM&R doc. Actually, there were two, both residents, which means they’re still new to being doctors. I’ll call them Resident #1 (my new doctor) and Resident #2 (his coworker). At least Resident #2 was pretty funny and easier and to engage with because he seemed warmer personality-wise. I had to take Resident #1 down a notch and put him in his place in relation to me toward the end of my appointment and it felt really, really good to allow myself that confrontation and for me to come out on top. Still exhausting though.

[cut for length… very long] TL;DR at the end!

Keep reading

[wizardxcore]

so basically i’ve been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy (CP) by the PM&R docs, and my primary doctor basically as well. my neurologist is assuming CP as well, but wants to take a look at my brain MRI that i just had done last week, just in case.

this is the first time in my life that i’ve ever had any real diagnosis regarding my brain injury and its effect on my legs and left arm.

it’s incredibly validating, especially since i stumbled upon PVL (periventricular leukomalacia) back in the springtime just googling my type of brain injury + chronic pain + premature birth, or something like that, and knew that everything fit, and that it tends to lead to CP.

really fucking validating and relieving that that’s what it is and (assuming my MRI confirms PVL as opposed to some other thing) that it’s nothing progressive.

also unofficially-for-now diagnosed with fibromyalgia as one part of my chronic pain. the other part with my legs and left arm now we know is CP. i also have degenerative disc disease in my neck and lower back, but it doesn’t really extend too much beyond those areas according to EMG tests at my neurologist’s office. gonna get tested for different stuff next month to try to cross some potential things out. so far my neurologist and pain doctor think it’s all central. finally getting somewhere.