As I recall, you were suicidal the entire time I knew you. How did you overcome it or are you still now?
Yeah, shit, I was suicidal for about 15 years - then about 5-7 years of not caring if I died, which some argue is the same thing, but I see them as different sides of the same coin.
My first cope was the suicide letter, where I would explain to each friend and loved one what I was doing and why, never completed on because I'd end up losing the will to do it halfway through the 1/2 - 2/3s of the way through the list.
Then a few people forced me to give them my word I'd not kill myself, and as a man of my word, I clung to that.
Then I witnessed a close friend's suicide, was looking him in the eyes when he died, saw him shut off. The pain of it was startling and soul crushing - I decided that week that my last intentional act would never be to cause those who loved me that pain.
A few years later I realized that being suicidal is not much different from being an alcoholic. They are both the desire to do a thing that is at it's core an unhealthy impulse. Recovering alcoholics simply choose never to drink alcohol again, not easy, but very simple. This was no different, I simply chose to never act on the impulse to exit early, and while not easy I stuck by it.
Big fan of that old line "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Eventtually in my mid/late 30s I woke up one day and I was doing better and its just continued to be better.
