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If no one were to tell me who God was I see you as an indigenous man and an indigenous woman... together.

Your masculine wears a green and magenta floral ribbon shirt and one braid with a buckskin vest weathered from travel and experience. You wear well fitted moccasins that go up to your calf. You have one small braid and the rest of your hair is free like the wind. A reddish band of fabric around your forehead. Your arms and hands are strong and dark like the color of earth. You smell of cedar and Sage and you appear to me in my visions of childhood distress and pain. You appear in moments of empowerment and you are there even when I can’t see you in my darkest moments. Your arrows are straight and your bow precise and strong. You walk with and shapeshift into the bear, the wolf, the golden eagle, the deer and the buffalo. You are timeless and have no age. You are father, grandfather and you are God.

Your feminine is gentle and strong. A strength of vulnerability and wisdom. You carry songs and wise ways of healing with every plant at your side. You are beauty. Your face is beautiful and matriarchal. Your moccasins are made in a style that cover your gentle kisses of feet to earth. Your ribbon skirt is made of denim blue with a beautiful floral shirt and turquoise around your neck. You wear turquoise on your wrists and ears. Your hair is in a single braid down your back and dark as the night. Your eyes are wise, powerful and nurturing and you always show up to hold and contain me in my darkest hours with the masculine at your side. You prepare poultices and teas. Medicine bundles of all forms and you get me through the screams of pain and loneliness. You smell of crisp strong plants and earth and water and the sun. You are warm and protective and you shapeshift into Wolf. You are mother... you are my mother. You Are God.

You caretake my heart and my soul and I love you.

At times I have no idea how to call on you or pray to you...

I have spent many days in confusion as your son.

Walked with the teachings of the ones who attempted to destroy and bury us.

Those teachings confused me and made no sense to me as an indigenous son of yours creator.

So if no one were to tell me who God was this is who I see and you are beautiful and have weathered so much.

You are resilient and the stars are in your eyes. The moon is in your heart and the sun too.

You are who I call on and when I don’t know how to pray I call for you. When I’m scared and lonely I scream for you. When I don’t feel I can take another step I walk to you.Today is one of those days. I am so afraid I am so afraid. Will you come to me now God..?

Hold me now

Hold me.

I am so grateful for the loving connections I have that do not pathologize me.. I love and am grateful to whenever possible compassionately understand our humanity deeper than ever. Understanding is compassionate and open and I love the experience and opportunity of it. I love to understand those of us that still need to pathologize others as well... it’s understandable and you/we deserve compassion too. We truly at times think it helps to separate. Self compassion moves mountains. I love witnessing others administer their own self compassion. I love witnessing the administering of it to others they/we once pathologized... they/we once deeply did it to self. I know this journey deeply. Love is responsibility that takes pressure off and compassion is the lever that lets love in with self forgiveness as it’s companion to the journey of collective forgiveness. I am open to being inaccurate of this whole reflection... 🤲🏾

Just moments before three lightning pains hit me in the chest. I began to instantly panic.It’s a happening that has been happening for some years now. The pain hits my chest and I go into worse case scenario. My mind tells me I’m in danger of dieing. I haven’t yet because the truths I continue to get to is these cycles of panic are leading me to incredible sadness and grief. I have recently had to end my partnership with the beautiful young woman who was the person to this date I have loved the most in my lifetime. An indigenous woman filled with magic beauty and wisdom. A creative genius. I have never ever loved anyone as deeply as I have and do love her. She has been my heart for over 3 years and since the first moment I saw her I knew I loved her. We have had an immense experience with one another as mirrors. Fire hitting fire so many times. Beyond count. Leading us back to loving ourselves deeper. We moved to a place that defined a large part of us as indigenous people and the contrast of experience was a clarity that cannot be denied that it was time for us to move about the earth in a new way. We are still commited to loving one another in this lifetime and moving through grief and cycles. It has floored me and challenges all my childhood trauma resurfacing through the new way we are continuing to be commited to our relationship. Amongst this dynamic beings have been unfolding that wish to care and love me. In ways that my partner wasn’t designed to but that are definitely needs. I am grieving deeply what I hoped for with her and being as open and curious to what may come of all of this. I sit here breathing deeply into my heart and soul. Waiting for new chapters. May this be an example that all of these experience do not mean anything has gone wrong. May they serve to deepen and serve as immense gratitude to the next unfolding appearing that is and could be the experience of immense joy, bliss and romantic love for me and anyone in the depths of grief before relief.

Irawe

My name means Wolf

There are times I become so intoxicated with my own experience and awareness that emotion awareness and experience is intoxicating itself..

Either as beneficial intoxication and or as challenging intoxication..Tonight is among those times..

We swim in our own emotional experience of benefit or challenge in relation to what is believed of our own emotional experience..

Tonight I swim in self compassion because I believe self compassion bears the sweetest fruit..

It is juicy and nourishing..I spill from the overflow of self care, understanding and compassion..

The foundation of a warrior..

Warriors create boundaries for what they love intensely..

And when we love ourselves intensely our boundaries, degrees and ways we will be a warrior for what we love is a ferocious love

As I arise in the hours of powerful communication

As a dream walker

Neither here nor there

In between dimensions

Clearly spoken to in vision from God

By what is asking to die and be reborn

I sit crying at what is communicated and revealed in this magic liminal moment

By the wisdom of self and source as source

The message clear as crystalline waters

Unmistakeable in what has been seen and understood

I do not have to be the savior and guide for my mother any longer

In hopes she will not leave me

I do not have to try and find mother any longer in girl women in their own torment hoping to be seen for what I am

In hopes they will nurture and caretake me and my children within

I don’t have to hide in the corner any longer as this immense leader and wisdom keeper and alchemist hoping to be taken seriously or noticed at all

I can now just lead and live my medicine

Loving myself

The self I thought I had to overachieve with and save others with to be loved and supported and trusted

I don’t have to tell people how much magic, love, mysticism, care and wisdom of mine to ingest for fear hurt will come upon them or in fear they will perish and abandon me because of my medicines strength and potency

I can just be the divine masculine medicine I am

In balance and in holism with my feminine

I can now rest easy

Knowing I have so much to explore and discover

While being supported and loved

By the wisdom

and care of source as source

With the suns arising rays I pray

For all the beauty, abundance holism and love to return to me from me

Freeing myself from the frustration of those who’ll never see me

From the frustrations of not seeing myself

I see

My freedom bell is here

My life has only just begun

Irawe

My name means Wolf

I am Wolf Medicine

I am love

What brings me the most joy

Thriving in an artistic holistic community

Food and nutrition

“Being”

In nature

Meditative movement

Meditation

Swimming in nourishing water

Soaking in nourishing waters

Gentle nourishing movement

Crafting

With wood and natural elements

Painting and drawing

Singing

Animals I love and that have a spirit that mirrors my own

Outdoor hair cutting for those who are open to an experience and have a deep respect for the level and caliber of energy I am and craft I execute

Making medicinal and herbal supporters

Gathering classes to connect with people

A Q and A

Deep conversations that lead to others resourcing me as a medium to ask questions about themselves, the universe and the coexistence within all of that

Animal, Art and nature life therapy

Collaborating with other holistic practitioners to create a therapeutic self care awareness and participation experience

A next level health spa as a business of my own

Day retreats

Create a group to enjoy this all with

Being IN the community rather than far away from it in a peaceful place to live

Being in love with someone and many people

deeply

Intimate coexistence in a home loved and cared for by more than one being

Deep friendships

Cooking together as play fun and artistic creativity

Being a leader

Being loved, honored and respected for my excellences

When I’m nourished with care from others holistic crafts and excellences

-massage, acupuncture, craniosacral, mental support

Play days of gentle fun bike rides, surfing, bball, soccer, frisbee, tennis or ping pong/billiards and gentle movement activities

Archery

Shooting

Climbing trees

Gardening that replenishes native plants, herbs and medicines

Growing organic food

Music

Compassion and understanding

Individual intentional Session time with people

Laughter

Movies that have and invite wanted emotion

Learning

Doing the little things collectively

Being a leader in making sure there’s harmony within my community with innate diplomacy

Generally speaking but with room to refine this is my life focus

I am interested in seeking out those ready to invest in this with me

Are you ready?

📸 by me

In every transition

I began to understand myself more fully

Deeper

I am a lyric with no end

It seems time in the current is asking for it yet again

Throughout these times new musicians must join my chorus and sway and reveal

Heal and display

I’ve rarely had a musician last the test of time though revisits unfolded throughout the beats of breath and sun and moon

What will the song and its timbers communicate to me

To us

Irawe

This is my home

I am the materialization of my grandmothers and grandfathers migrations on turtle island

Like the geese that fly north and south so too did my grandfathers and grandmothers travel from Wirarika Purepecha and Mexica land back up to places where our ancestors did the same thing

Move about

They moved up as they had moved down before

We are told the Hopi and Zuni are our ancestors too that moved about like the geese as well

We are piecing together after the genocide that we moved about with the flow of natural life to experience and re-experience resources physical emotional mental and spiritual and what those respective bodies of us needed for our life experiences

We became all places on turtle island to survive

Places became us as we became them

To think that a border made by a consciousness determined to claim it as its own could just

Walk upon this earth and put a flag down like a child screaming “mine!” And that that is it...is beyond ridiculous

And yet that is exactly what happened

These Guests of a place that welcomed the people’s movement to it to caretake it symbiotically yet experienced the “mine!” Repercussions and still does

I have visited many places on the continent I am

I am it because of my indigenous blood that has lived died and been born again on it for lifetimes as a native to these “americas” relative

I have forgotten and remembered in different native bodies for lifetimes

As I continue to remember in this one I remember I am home and each part of my home has helped me remember more

From top to bottom I have experienced what I needed in my movement within turtle island and I have always been home

Taos purified me on the land of the Pueblo

It fed me strong medicine that nearly killed me...

Again

Again because many times I have died and been reborn on my home turtle island

I am home

On kumeyaay land I was held by its majesty through deep pains of birth

It gave me structure to fall apart and fail to learn deeper

I have graced below the imaginary border many times to see a people so resilient

My people

Turtle islands people

What we falsely are labeled as Mexican

I tell you now I am Irawe and I am turtle island

My name means Wolf and I am

A people of Hopi Wirarika Purepecha and Apache descent

Lands with no borders in our truth as we are gaslit of that fact

Mixed in my chemistry to show I have been here moving about on my home that I caretake and live as a steward for thousands of years

Birthed on the occupied land of the Acjachemen and lived upon the occupied land of the Kumeyaay in both places my whole of this life and of course on Taos Pueblo land just enough time to be purified

Here back again on acjachemen and kumeyaay land

For my whole life

Becoming family to the mountains and ocean and creeks and lakes where the sun touches the mountains in the morning and warms the creeks lakes and ocean and fish and whales and sea life throughout the day only to talk to one another of the days occurrences before sleeping into its salty waters

Where the deer and rabbit and turkey and coyote are in constant hide and seek

Where the quail and roadrunner dance upon the

Cowboy Sage

White Sage

Black Sage

Where the laurel sumac dampen the noises of the city and the lemonade berry grow to feed the deer and my sacred relatives the kumeyaay

Where the willow drink upon the water and the cattail shoot up

This is my home and I relish in the sounds of the hummingbird and little singing birds

The screaming hawk

It is all medicine to my soul

I am this land and this land is me

My ancestors welcome me north to south feeding me on this grand turtle island

And taking me into journeys meant to lead me to self love so I may love more deeply the land I walk upon and every human who breathes who wants to heal too

I am Irawe

My Name Means Wolf

Talks with the creator and self become talks with others and get us clear to communicate and experience the clarity from the divine circle of self healers within. Then to in 3D unfold the opportunity to refine and enjoy life together with our human soul family. Building inner intimacy creates the display and lived 3D experience of outer intimacy. Love self and be self connected will magnetize outer connectedness and love from others that we may readily receive as resource to our hearts.

Irawe

Calling in the potential of living with others

What I’m desiring is to live in a very nice upscale coastal city that has access to upscale resources and safe places to enjoy nature’s finest and most well cared for recreational parks and grounds

With others...

The others would understand that my highest function is to keep balance in the home by being someone who is relied upon for that

To bring diplomacy and to share a peaceful environment to enjoy our spirituality and safe play and connection with one another

A space and environment that’s designed to be a resource of loving support in the forms of tenderness caretaking of self and encouragement

A space and environment and a people that value resourcing themselves with supportive practitioners body workers and holistic practitioners of many kinds

A space and environment that enjoys and partakes in trips together and is physically affectionate with one another and deeply intimate emotionally

A space and environment where both partners are all of this should partners live in this environment

A space and environment that values not projecting onto one another as a way to attempt to have an experience that projection is believed to bring

A space and environment that values the companionship of our animal family and companions and is unconventional and not traditional in relationship styles and that doesn’t scapegoat traditional relationships styles

A place that values one another’s gifts and purpose in the universe

A place we’d call home

A place to develop expand and integrate that which we are unaware of and that knows conflict is an opportunity to bring more holism

This too will refine with time

Lyrics

Amongst my grandest most favorite expressions of our human experience

“In the hours that I've known

And of all of my woes

Are the cause to lay you low

I demand they turn to whole

Would you set me free

Just set me free

As it takes its hold

And it won't let you go

I'm reminded of the cold

And how it's taken so much from me

Are you worthy of being saved?

All your fears and insecurities

Just set me free

And there's nowhere to hide

And you're only just trying

Are there only just lies you hear?

While redemption seems far away

While I stumble through every day

Just set me free

Keep running till we learn to find peace

Just set me free

Keep running till we learn to find peace

Just set me free

Keep running till we learn to find peace

Just set me free

Keep running till we learn to find peace

Just set me free”

We can love it all and glorify that loving connection to “nature” plants, animals, minerals, elementals but let us not forget to love the forgotten animals. People... you are the loves of my life. What is life loving the plants and animals and minerals and elementals but staying away from our own kind..? That is no life for me.

Wolf

I love you I am you

Going Home Tomorrow

Big Lessons Learned

I Have Preferences

They Include This Ocean

They Include Resource

A Resource Of Loving Compassionate Care and Comradery

Day In Day Out

Through Sickness and In Health

Aho

I have baptized myself daily

Not into religion

Rather Into love of self

Into love itself

No dogma was utilized

Only love

The Healer of All Ages

In shamanism of days passed...

We were shown to look to the elders to heal

In this day of backwards clarity

I have the experience of looking to timelessness to heal

All my life I looked for a Mr Miyagi

An elder

A teacher with gray hair and all the answers to heal

In my experience I became the most healed with a timeless being who’s awareness was neither old nor young

And neither was I as I healed

we were present

All of the teachers were and are needed to find timeless healing

Timelessness is effortless

Effortlessness and healing are timeless

Shamanism present to holism is timeless

What would happen if we didn’t say to self “it’s all your fault, you are weak and old and you can’t hack it 8000ft high in an arid harsh climate.” What would you say if you didn’t need to prove to anyone your preferences by asking them to approve of your decisions that need to be made in your physical healths best interests? What would you notice if you didn’t need to convince control or make anyone else wrong for their preferences while you have your own? You’d live your life to take care of yourself in the best manner possible and trust others to do their best too. You’d understand that some preferences can not be others preferences and that doesn’t make them or you bad or wrong. They’re just not currently designed to take in your preferences in certain situation because doing so would affect their own preferences from their perspectives and knowings present in those moments. What if you didn’t say to yourself you’re the unpopular vote because you’re a man old ugly and stupid and you shouldn’t be this energy sensitive? You’d wail in grief from all the times you left yourself and spoke to yourself those ways. Leaving self is gonna happen... but we can always come back. Outward beauty doesn’t equal more worth. Age gender race preferences don’t mean you’ve no worth. This time period has shaken me open deeply and unfolded deeper healing opportunity. Being someone who loves themselves is life changing. If loving yourself is desired in your experience to deep degrees then please reach out to resource my session offerings that deeply integrate the expansion to that unfolding.

I’ve always wanted to live,work and dwell in a team setting. Never has this been made more clear to me as I have lived farther and farther from society. I will do everything it doesn’t take to experience this for myself for all my days. To choose effortlessness more than effort. It’s not important to me to be off grid, make no foot print or hide. No. In fact I want to make my print large with others as we live and love together in nature and in society. The print of coexisting with those ready to display what a celebration of our animal human species that lives to caretake all things and make personal wins that unfold everyone else winning too. Who’s with me? Who’s ready to do all it doesn’t take? Im going to go back to California to heal from elevation sickness that I could not foresee.. I just didn’t know and I’m going to heal and-create something by living my absolutely most authentically to date self.. if you want to with me then talk to me about it. Let’s love and live together. It’s far beyond time. I love the ocean and it supports me. I love the juicy climate of so cal. That is my truth and I learned much in this arid for me climate nearly 8000ft high searching for what was right inside me. Knowing better we do better. Aho

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