And I could tell you that lately my skin has been the loneliest place on earth, that even though I can still play the chord of us perfectly, every word is still a shell of the laughter we lost. every smile is an outline of colors our hands could never reach, a subtle heading that caution can hold stares as hardened as these windows we could never keep clean. You never promised to make me feel better, but you always made me feel. Truth is, I was a little less lost every time you held my hand. I was a little less lost every time my ear found your voice. I was a little less lost when the tears in your eyes matched the holes we smoked through summers. I was a little less lost knowing the only darkness I could never escape were the I love you’s we said with our eyes closed. And now I’m writing your name on napkins, just so I’m not eating alone. And I could tell you that winter isn’t the coldest season if only you would listen, I apologize an extra time for the moments when you cried and I told you to stop, I should have held you more, I should have held you in my arms just for a little longer if I knew that that would be the last time we would ever be, life comes at you hard, so it gave birth to love and the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, it broke every branch that looked like a vein and injected enough morphine to silence a whole city filled with poets and romantics, we live in a technology infested world, when the robots come they’ll get rid of love and we’ll wonder why, love stems from something as old as finding a mate, we just gave something primitive a few poems and a spine, we gave it a new name just to call it ours, you are mine and I am yours, but only if always and forever could last, maybe the world wouldn’t be in so much debt with Cupid, breathing means that I’m trying and it’s not always about love, but if it’s not about love, then is it really about anything? Anything of importance, baby, we love it. Anything of value, baby, we love it. Anything of anything, baby, we love it. So when I miss you while I’m driving around and the city is quiet enough for my memories to come back to life– love doesn’t really die, it’s just a sleeper cell waiting for the call, and our brains likes to fuck us up when we least expect it. i can count on all ten of my fingers about when you took my breath away. 1: your smile. that statement alone requires no introduction. divine falls short when it comes to you. 2: your words. you made my left brain understand poetry, you spoon-fed my right brain the logical means to end irrationality even if it meant that we had to split in order for me to grow into a person capable of loving myself. loving you was the best possible way I could’ve ended things between us, hating myself was the worst possible way I could’ve seen us together, so of course it still hurts when I think about 3: your body. they say sexual exploration is important, I learned how to kiss where it counts, I learned how to feel skin as if I was pen writing the same word for spelling homework over and over again, I learned how to write your name backwards on your back with my fingers, and I’m still learning how to forget that my skin is important too, when I dropped those razors and asked if 4 could forgive me. 4: your younger self. I realized a few things about us, when you’re this young, you’re going to hurt someone and then you’re going to feel the pain. you’re going to be alone and numb, but that’s the thing about being young, I get to be dumb once, the rest of the time I need to step up and love somebody right. 5: your lies. I learned that just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean that they’ll always be honest with you. you can’t expect everyone to be like you. you can’t expect that person to love you back in the same force that pulls the moon closer to earth just to feel less dead. 6: your eyes. they always gave you away. 7: your mouth. they were next to do the same. 8: your heart. it’s still as pale as mine. 9: your soul. meant to touch, but not to stay. 10: your version of loving someone. it means distance. and when I think about the number one reason as to why I finally let go of all the things that I’ve got left of you, I always come up with one. me. I’m doing this for me. when you left, you said that I’ll go on many adventures without you. it’s a good way to start things over with myself for myself.
stormborns
vaporwave
