back at it

xander / / 26 / / hella gay .

[vegan-anarchist-1312]

[n0na9on]

[doctorjennifermelfi]

so true bestie *kisses you on the cheek to signal to the roman guard to arrest you*

[tricktster]

One of the perks of my job (for a person like me) is that I am often tasked with writing letters that amount to exquisitely formal, meticulously researched “fuck you”s to people that I strongly dislike. I have, in fact, acquired something of a reputation for one particular letter, directed to a man I’ll refer to here as Asshole Bully. The letter in question has been circulated around my entire company. While that two-page letter is remarkable in the sense that I managed to incorporate a “fuck you” in every single sentence, with each sentence containing just a little more “fuck you” than the one preceding it, there’s a particular line I came up with in the final paragraph that is so poetically jam-packed with “fuck you,” that people are still quoting it to me verbatim four months later. They just call it The Letter.

Yesterday at around 3:00 pm, Boss asked me to write another letter to the same Asshole Bully, addressing a related, but significantly more complex issue. It needed to go out to Asshole Bully that same day. I immediately got to work.

At 8:00 pm, just as I was putting the final touches on my five page letter to Asshole Bully, Boss emailed me to make sure that I was okay, and to check the status of the letter. I wrapped up, and I emailed him my draft. “Thanks!” he replied. “I’ll review it.”

Eight minutes later, I received a second email from Boss, which I have screenshotted for posterity:

I had to travel today, so I haven’t been back in the office yet, but I’ve still already heard about The Second Letter from five co-workers.

... I can’t believe I get paid to do this.

[uncomfortableswarm]

We need the letter op. We need to read the letter.

[rhetoricandlogic]

I second that!

[rhaenyras]

[theblindvisionary-deactivated20]

we take the naps we think we deserve

[isnt]

follow @isnt​ for more memes

[plumslices]

Can’t believe im adult now. Sometimes I feel like a teletubbie with a credit card.

[tinyaibou]

a lab coat and a wizard robe are exactly the same thing actually

[tinyaibou]

the only thing separating a wizard and a mad scientist is time

[millenniumitem]

they are gay lovers

[tinyaibou]

oh you are extremely correct to say this thank you. they are kissing. brewing potions and mixing chemicals in tubes beakers.

[onlytwitterpics]

[toastbutteregg]

[ryonahole-deactivated20211102]

Court jester but exclusively used for sexual relief

[santa-destroy-deactivated202211]

boy friend

[221bluescarf]

Child: *complains of mental illness symptoms*

Parents with undiagnosed mental illness: Everyone's like that 😘

[kaijuno]

[thatbassistbitch]

Jess I just have one question. What was the train of thought that led you to put these two images together

[kaijuno]

An artist never reveals their muse

[sukkanen]

hello i would like nintendo to return us the round Bean

[transheadcrab]

trying to convince my roommate not to eat tinfoil

[transheadcrab]

stop it bastard

[grooveland]

[opportunechicanery]

the next stimulus check

[egberts]