ONLY DEATH (AP.)

who says you're not divine? you live through death and decay and the stench washes over you so often it's become something of a creature comfort -- you're not a man who can enjoy safety and feel deserving of it. // indie jean kirstein. manga canon. by violet.

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wontdeter replied to your post: softly yodels i hit 100 followers

home of sexual

you come into my house

and insult my gardenias like this ? ???? :///

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softly yodels

i hit 100 followers

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wontdeter:

the obvious outward acknowledgement elicits an all-over wince on armin’s part   —   he’d prefer not to think about it, or discuss it, for that matter, but it’s clear that jean’s pressing forward anyway. he hopes with a glance upward that the other will catch his meaning, though it’s subtle and his tone is quiet, unsure.  ❛   it’ll be fine, jean.   ❜  he doubts a soiled bandage would cause the wound much trouble when the inhuman healing process provided him has presented itself at staggering speed. 

     ‘you’re hurt.’  he says bluntly, eyes meeting armin’s  --  but after a few moments, he breaks the gaze, shuffles a few inches away from armin like a child scorned. he lets his fingers fidget around with his equipment laid on the table adjacent, smoothing over the hilt as if to check for any scratches or wear. nope, just blood, he thinks, sighing. ‘but ... you’re right, aren’t you?’ and even if armin can’t immediately see it, jean hopes it’ll show in his voice, the smile that rises. ‘thank hell for that.’ fingers, still resting on the blade, curl inward, nails biting his palm. 

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wontdeter:

❛   it’s a minor head injury   …   i’m not broken, i assure you.   ❜  he appreciates the concern, though. // @wontconcede.

   ‘still looks like it hurts to hell’n back.’ his head tilts, eyes squinted. there’s a trickle of blood, he sees a waterfall. ‘you’re still bleeding, when’s the last time you changed the bandage!?’

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'who could've known that this was how things might have went?' his voice soft, he hasn't realized that he's even speaking with enough volume for jean to hear him --- mostly to himself, his eyes drift to the calloused palm of his hand where his fingers stretch out, then clench into a fist. 'is this anything anyone would've imagined?'

“Mmm …” it’s drawled, he, too, focusing on his hand. It’s scarred, rough – but even so, not at all like Armin’s. They’ve all faced their fair share of grief and tragedy, Armin more than most. He ruminates on this a few moments before answering, and he does so in a way that’s offhanded, almost dismissive. “Used to be I wanted to be an MP. Grew up imagining the cushy life and all that.” It is very much an afterthought, an unfocused, drifting response that isn’t to anything or anybody in particular. 

It takes him a while before he realizes that Armin had spoken, and that in a roundabout way, he’d responded. There’s a subtle ‘tch’ sound from Jean, followed by a gentle exhale of breath into his cupped hands. It’s cold, son of a bitch. 

“Sorry.” he quickly offers, unsure of what he’s really apologizing for. He shifts against himself, a knee drawing up to his chest. “Nobody, really. I thought …” he pauses for a moment, then, “Thought it would’ve been over quicker. Didn’t know we’d still be fighting after all this time. Didn’t know we’d lose so many –” 

Jean catches himself, lips tightening. He doesn’t need to finish that thought, the implication’s clear enough. Instead, he allows himself a glance at Armin for perhaps the first time in a long while. He’s never realized how vibrant Armin’s eyes are, even in dire situations like this. It brings to mind what Armin has told Jean of the ocean -- crashing waves of water, and bright, blue tides as far as the eye can see. He’d asked Armin if you could get lost at sea, but an ensuing Titan attack had prevented him from answering. 

Now, staring at Armin’s eyes, realizing their likeness to this body of water Jean’d never see -- he had his answer. Yes. 

‘It’s hard, isn’t it?’ he says after a while, then: ‘We’re still alive. Somehow.’ Some of us aren’t, he adds to himself. ‘That’s something.’ 

But he’s not sure of this, not anymore. 

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his fingers catch a stray strand of his sweater. ' I've been keeping myself awake ... '

    there’s a choice for you? he’s bitter at first. he sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth and a casual tch sound escapes from his mouth. then he remembers how easily other members of the scout regiment are able to sleep at the end of a day, and remembers how difficult it is for him. he eyes armin’s nervous gesture, takes note of the way his voice trails off. ‘why?’ he asks, simply, bluntly. 

   maybe a little too bluntly, but it’s already said and done. he attempts to counter it with a smile that is soft, as soft as he can make it in this situation. ‘i mean, what’s the matter?’ this does come off more genuine than before, and he moves to close the distance between them. ‘anything i can do?’ he knows there isn’t in the same way armin couldn’t do anything to remedy the voice that plagues jean every night ( marco’s voice ); but he asks anyway. there’s no harm in it. 

    no harm in placing his hand on armin’s own, steadying both of them. the smile from before deepens, and he realizes how easily it comes to him when he’s near armin. how easily a lot of things come to him. he wants to say something else, wants to break up the silence with a sarcastic quip or two, but nothing comes to mind. he allows himself one thing this night, relishing in the closeness of his friend. 

    it’s gentle, quick, subtle, but there nonetheless: a press of his lips against armin’s forehead, lingering there for perhaps longer than necessary, and then a soft sigh. ‘somethin’ like that, maybe?’ 

   no more smiles, only a wide, boyish grin. 

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          ———   with intelligence that cuts like a knife and weapons drawn, you fight. 

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im in the process of working on a new blog so keep me company on skype (sackclothandash) or discord (ARedLetter#5898) while I do so? c:

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me, while eating a muffin, speaking to @wontdeter: attack on titan is basically what would happen if vore ever became mainstream

[bornwar-deactivated20170611]

bacchusmemes:

florence + the machine, ceremonials sentence meme. change pronouns as necessary. long post /

all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling. all this heaven never could describe such a feeling as i’m hearing. although we stick together, it seems that we are strangling one another. call me when you need me. can it be undone? can you see it coming now? darling, believe me. every demon wants his pound of flesh. even when i was a child, i’ve always known there was something to be frightened of. everybody lets you down in this brief hole of a town. heaven help me, i need to make it right. here’s to drinks in the dark, at the end of my road. holy water cannot help you now. hours and armies couldn’t keep me out. i believe there’s no salvation for me now. i can never leave the past behind. i can see it coming from the edge of the room. i cannot be returned. i did cartwheels in your honor. i don’t care whether i live or die. i don’t need a husband, i don’t need a wife. i don’t want your heart. it leave me cold. i don’t want your money. i had a dream about my old school. i heard your voice as clear as day, and you told me i should concentrate. i like to keep some things to myself. i never knew daylight could be so violent. i think i’m breaking down again. i wanna give you back the open sky. i was dead when i woke up this morning. i was disappearing in plain sight. i was screaming out a language that i never knew existed before. i wish to remain nameless and live without shame. i would give all this, and heaven, too. in order to get to the heart, i think sometimes you’ll have to cut through. in some way i’m there with you, up against the wall on a wednesday afternoon. it cries out in the darkest night and breaks in the morning light. it never makes sense it me. it seems a heavy choice to make. it talks in tongues and quiet sighs, and prayers and proclamations. it was all so strange and so surreal, that a ghost should be so practical. it was always standing next to me. it’s a conversation i just can’t have tonight. it’s a fine romance, but it’s left me so undone. it’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat. it’s always darkest before the dawn. it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back. it’s peaceful in the deep. it’s so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud. it’s the purest element but it’s so volatile. i’d do anything to make you stay. i’ll be dead before the day is done. i’m damned if i do, and i’m damned if i don’t. i’m going from road to road, bed to bed, lover to lover, and black to red. i’m going to leave my body. i’m going to let it happen to me. i’m going to raise the stakes, and i’m going to smoke you out. i’m losing blood, i’m gonna leave my bones. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. i’m not here looking for absolution, because i found myself an old solution. i’m ready to suffer and i’m ready to hope. i’m slipping underneath. i’ve been a fool, and i’ve been blind. i’ve been keeping myself awake. i’ve been wandering the streets for days and days and days. keep following the heartlines on your hand. looking for heaven, i found the devil in me. my body was bruised. no need to pray, no need to speak. no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out. now all your love will be exorcised. reflections still look the same to me. say my name, and every color illuminates. see, i have to burn your kingdom down. she wants the silence but fears the solitude. she wants to be alone and together with you. she was there all pink and gold and glittering. she’s a cruel mistress. she’s just like the weather. take what the water gave me. tell me what all the sighing is about. tell me what you want me to say. tell me what you’re running from. the arms of the ocean delivered me. the crashes are heaven for a sinner live me. the heart is hard to translate. the only solution was to stand and fight. the ships are left to rust. the words are escaping, and coming back all damaged. the world’s a beast of a burden. there is no salvation for me now. there is no space among the clouds, and i feel i’m heading down. they took your loved ones but returned them in exchange for you. they were there when i woke up this morning. though the pressure is hard to take, it’s the only way i can escape. time goes quicker between the two of us. we are shining and we will never be afraid again. we will find you saying it’s to be better now. we won’t eat and we won’t sleep. we’ll build our altar here. we’ll drag bodies from a ground. when it’s over, you’re the start. when it’s time to pray, we’ll be dressed up all in grey. when we come back, we’ll be dressed in black. when we come for you, we’ll be dressed up all in blue. when we first came here, we were cold and we were clear. will they keep me alive? with all my education, i can’t seem to command it. with no colors in our skin, we were light and paper thin. would you have it any other way? would you leave me, if i told you what i’ve done? would you need me, if i told you what i’ve become? you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said. you came over me like some holy rite. you can’t choose what stays and what fades away. you had jesus on your breath and i caught him in mine. your heart is the only place that i call home. you’ll scream my name aloud. you’re my head, you’re my heart. you’re the chemical that burns. you’re the only light. you’ve been holding up a long time.

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indiscern:

  also since this seems to be the thing to do when in anime rp nowadays,  hi!!! I’m violet! this is a roleplay blog for jean reno – i … i mean jean kirstein from Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan! I’ve been in the anime community before, and for a while, and definitely have been roleplaying for a very long time, but this is my first time in the SnK comm!! So if you wanna see an angry teen who learns to manage his anger over time and be friends with someone he previously was indifferent to, then c’mon down and follow me / hit that heart button / reblog. c: 

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a swift movement and her lower face is tucked away, hidden behind the worn fabric that’s always wrapped around her neck. ’ … are you afraid of anything? ’ the words feel heavy as they leave her tongue, though her tone is soft despite.

    deep water. never seen it. dunno if i’m actually scared of it. probably. pitch black darkness. abandonment. death. he inhales, a sharp, bitter motion that grants his facial features a moment of vulnerability -- a grimace, grinding of the jaws. love, too. he rolls his shoulders against the wall, props his foot up against it, and sighs, now, not offering a steady gaze but instead very pointedly looking away. “Titans, I guess. Kinda hard not to be scared of ‘em though.” it’s a throwaway answer, something said to send the subject off in a different direction. anywhere but here. “Apart from that, dogs. Can’t tell you why, but they’ve never been friendly to me. Not so much fear as it is annoyance.” 

 Now he looks at her, expression soft. His lips struggle to form a smile -- visibly so -- , eventually settling on a firm, thin line. His usual look, something like brooding, he’d guess. “What about you? You seem to be more fearless than the best of us ... something’s gotta get under your skin.” he’s teasing, there’s a subtle lilt to his voice, resting on the edge of playfulness. 

[polyhymniar]

bbcmycroft.

send me questions you have about my character!

anything and everything. favorites. thoughts on people, on events. what they would do in a certain situation. how things would be different if something had/hadn’t happened. simple questions, complex questions. have at it!

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Except .. of course, apparently Funimation says it’s not dubbed yet even though ?? they said they were doing a simuldub??

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tsuyoius replied to your post: gonna watch the premiere episode again (this time...

it’s already dubbed???

yEAH !!! they’re doing a simuldub for all twelve episodes this season like they did w/ 91 days and Yuri!! On Ice :’ )

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gonna watch the premiere episode again (this time dub) tonight with bae @wontdeter  once they get home so more likely than not I’ll be here to do shit : ‘)

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hola !! if you could do me a favor and maybe like/reblog this if you’re interested in interacting with a MANGA-CANON armin arlert of shingeki no kyojin, that’d be rad !! i’ll be sure to check out your blog and follow !!