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Radical.

I truly feel and think if I want to be radical for God and live and cultivate a lifestyle that is dependent and full heartily follow God, I need to remove all distractions in my life. Facebook and Instagram were heavy distractions for me. It became my worship and idol. Both social media sites made me become something that I did not want to become. I was becoming prideful. I was honestly looking at other Christians and judging them for poor reflection of Christ. I felt like I was the only one that was "radical" for Christ among my friends, and my church. I felt like every time I had to prove how radical I am for Christ but reality I was only deceiving myself. I was putting this mask. I was becoming a pharisee. I was becoming radical on facebook and on instagram, where my lifestyle did not reflect it a 100%.

I don't know how long I will be away from Facebook or instagram, and frankly, I dont care. I know if I want to be radical for God, I need to be intentional with him.

Class of 2014

As I turned in my graduation application, it got and felt surreal for me, knowing that I will be done with school this summer. Officially done with school (almost).

#graduation #graduating

"Run to God, regardless"

Run to God, regardless….. Live your life around who God is. Be real with God. Speak truth over the lies and thoughts…

He is supposed to be honored because he is the king.

At the end of the day He is my King and he needs to be represented well. The simple thing is to make it about him. Fall in love with him and his word. Who am I, I delight in His word. To defeat a lie or thought… use the word it’s effective/sing the word. What are u going to do now. We go to glory to glory not glory to past. BE PRESENT. BE WISE.

Give your best and your best ability.

(This is what I typed down during my conversation with Edson.)

Honestly, I love this brother. Thank God for Skype and the Internet. Greatly appreciate it.

#mentor

Jan 16 2014

Yesterday, was my first counseling session in months. I believe my last counseling session was in October. The counseling session was cathartic, therapeutic, and good. It was difficult talking and sharing certain things to my counselor but it was needed. It was a good counseling session. I don't know what this year or season has in store for me, but I know I need to have faith in myself and more importantly faith in God.

I loved what my counselor told me towards the end of the session, "Let's find the root of the problem and the solution."

"I need help."

This past weekend was all sorts of emotions: happiness, sadness, helpless, and loved. This past Saturday night at church, no, it is not a Seventh day Adventist church, but this past Saturday service, my pastor, spoke to me and convicted me. The message was simply from what I got out of it is that to never isolate yourself, ever. Honestly that's what I've been doing for the past two weeks because I said to myself, "I want more God time and it's going to be just me and God this year." I tried anything and everything to avoid certain people, or hangouts. I think I did this to the extreme. I forgot how important community with one another, especially from my church. I was being stubborn with my goals this year, one being wanting more time with God but I took it to the extreme. In a sense it made me prideful, spiritual pride. It's really weird when you think you are doing something so good but the enemy can seriously manipulate you. I wanted more time with God and the enemy seriously showing me, "God time is isolation. You dont need to be around your people, they're hypocrites. God understands with what you are doing." Lies like that. Im not saying that having God time is bad, never. I just need to have a healthy balance of the two. More God time of course, but I should still have time with my fellow family members from the body of Christ. I was avoiding community with my brothers and sisters in Christ because I thought "It's me and God and I don't need anyone this year. Less time with friends." But God encourages us to live in community with fellow believers.

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

This past week has been difficult spiritually and mentally. My problem was that I wasnt going to my spiritual outlets such as my small group, my mentors, or my church. I was wearing a mask. Saturday night was good, it was a great reminder that I need to be in community again and not be selfish. I learned that this year I will need help spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. No one is fit enough to go it alone. (Reminder that no one is spiritually, mentally, or physically fit enough to go it alone.) Perfect reminder that we need help from God's family. We need each other. Romans 1:12 "When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours."

We are stronger together. "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 Pastor Matt, mentioned earlier that night it is important to have a Aaron and Hur in our lives.

8 While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. 9 Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.”

10 So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. 11 As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. 12 Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. 13 As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.

"Im not moses but I need an Aaron and Hur in my life." to help me. I lingered on that and God placed two people on my heart, David and Ricardo, two amazing men that honestly live out the authenticity of Christ. Immediately, I told them I needed their help through a text, especially from those two. After service I received much needed prayer. I cried and wept because of how helpless I can be without Christ... Im thankful that I have an amazing church and amazing friends who are willing to help me and amazing God who knows how to convict me, and just love on me.

I don't know what God has in store for me, my family, my friends, or my church, ultimately, my life but I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

"Trim the branches..."

My prayer for this year was for God to remove any bad friendships, relationships, and people from my life this year, "trim the branches God..." I prayed that when I had my time of solitude on Mt. Rubidoux early this year. I always look forward having time of solitude it's so cathartic and good. Any who, once I prayed that immediately, God opened my eyes and definitely strengthen my discernment on people. I didn't expect it to be so quickly. I'm not isolating myself but I'm keeping a distance. This past week, I've seen some friends true character and honestly I dont want to be around negative people. Im sorry, but I'm not though. Last year, i struggled deeply with my friendships, and when I mean I struggled, I struggled. I went to counseling because of that. A lot of worries, anxieties, and emotional behaviors about my friends, my good and close friends leaving me, developing stronger friendships with other friends. For example, If I saw on FB or instagram a close friend of mine hanging out with another friend I would have insecure thoughts like, "Why wasnt I invited? How come he or she is hanging out with them? Am I not important?" Dumb thoughts like that which resulted me being depressed and becoming sort of clingy onto my friends. Clingy in a way that I would constantly text them asking how they are doing and the reason I would do that is so I can maintain that strong friendship. Honestly, if I saw a really good friend of mine hanging out with another brother or sister, I would think, "My friendship with him or her is going decrease and his or her friendship with the other friend is going to be stronger..." I don't if that makes sense. So I struggled with that with two friends last year. But this year, 2014, I declared that this is the year where it's going to happen anymore. I gave that to God and I'm letting it go. I don't know how my friendships will be affected by this but I know it will be for the good. I'm trusting God. To be continued...

"God don't bless me."

Tonight was a interesting night. I met a man, by the name of Craig. He was asking for money at my local gas station. Honestly, before answering his question, I thought, " I already ate so this guy should eat to." Personally, I believe everyone has a right to eat food. I love meeting new people. He asked for change, but I told him, no... " I will get you food." I only had five bucks but honestly, I thought I have a job and I have money. I can bless him. Craig was funny and witty. I asked him what kind of drink would he like, immediately, he answered, "Coca-cola, lays,or lemon lays." After purchasing his food, I walked outside and I began to talk to him, asking, how long he has been on the streets, why is on the streets, and if he needed prayer. I was not hesitant in asking for prayer. It was bold of me to ask but he was open to it. I didn't care if he was filthy, in a wheel chair, or an ex gang member because ultimately it's not my job to discriminate or have favoritism for people. Everyone needs help and love. It just makes me sad that many of us don't do extend or showcase that anymore. Many of us judge the book by it's cover. Honestly, if I was in his position I would desperately would have loved for someone to talk to me and help me in any way. I prayed for Craig, but I told God, to not bless me because of this, why? because I honestly felt like this is what I needed to do. I didn't want help him so I can be blessed; I wanted to help him because I felt like this is what humans ought to do which is help one another, and love another. I guess this correlates to

John 13:34-35

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Extend Christ love. Don't show favoritism or discrimination. Everyone is worthy of His love and truth.

Change is good.

Why did shave my hair? I channeling my inner Britney spears circa 2007 phase. Just kidding. The reason I cut my hair was because I wanted a change. A change for the good. This was a symbolic change for me. Not physically but mentally, and spiritually as well. Change that is going to come in 2014. This was a symbolic signal of a revolution within myself.

"Beauty shop."

Joy is

a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.

b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.

Honestly, last night I experienced so much joy and I'm thankful that I did.

Last night was so good! Man, I haven't seen two awesome brothers in such a long time. I honestly, was planning on getting some tofu at the Boba Cafe, but God had planned something else for me. I walked in and I see Robert. Robert is probably one the most down to earth, funny, very funny, and real guys I've have ever met. I love him so much. When I saw him, I smiled, grinning ear to ear. He has a great and beautiful spirit. I honestly, forgot how funny and awesome Robert truly was. "Trust fall..." I saw another great brother Jose. I haven't seen Jose maybe since October same as with Robert. Immediately, they brought so much joy out of me. I loved it. I've had a good friendship with Jose in the past; accountability partner, we've prayed together, and we've sharpened/encouraged one another. God willing, maybe He will strengthen that again. I love Jose, I honestly, love his personality and passion for God. Despite of him hating tofu, which actually broke my heart into pieces, I still have love for him. I definitely hope to hang out with these brothers again, and hopefully more often. Unexpected reunions are the best, thank you God.

"Eddie that's not a gun."

First time shooting with the guys! I had a blast. Definitely enjoyed myself. Met and reconnected with some awesome and funny guys. I think I've reached a new level in being a man. Thankful to have been invited by Ricardo, seriously, love that guy! Great time of fellowship with my brothers. There was so much to shooting and guns that I didn't know. It was very foreign to me but I had a blast. Great conversations with Ricardo, encouraging to say the least. It's always a blessing to be around the guys of CLF.

page 4

"God's vision should always be our ambition."

I always get anxious going to Bell Gardens, specifically going to the Praise Chapel of Bell Gardens because it's once in a blue moon that I do go over there, and I have the fear, which is totally false, but I have the fear of being alone in that church. A fear of me being alone while everyone is with their families, or with friends. As we, Pastor Rigo and his family were driving to Bell gardens, I told him, "Pastor, Im nervous..." He then asked me, "why are you nervous? Im the one who's nervous, I dranked a monster on an empty stomach." He laughs but re asked the question again, so I told him, I get nervous because I know some people from BG but I dont know them really well. I told him I dont want to be awkward and alone. Pastor Rigo smiles, and he encourages me, "Jose, you are in the body of Christ, you are family, we are family. Talk to them like their your brothers and sisters.. remember you are family." I was definitely encouraged and it's so true. I just want to be myself when I go different churches/ meet other brothers and sisters. Pastor Rigo's encouragement definitely removed the fear and nervousness. Honestly, when I walked in, lovebombs dropped, brothers and sisters greeting me and I see some familiar faces like Irving, honestly, the little I know of him, great guy. Mathew, Rigo's son, seriously I love his passion for God. Richard,honestly, I see passion and humbleness in him, another great guy that I would love to get to know more and Aaron, man, don't even start with me with him, great heart and talent.This night was a great night, Pastor Rigo was going to kick off the first service of the year. I was honored when Pastor Rigo invited me. He's such an awesome godly man and father as well. I love his family. Sister Yari is so funny she was cracking me up during the drive to BG. Pastor Rigo gave a powerful message. Straight to the point. I love messages like that, honestly, I crave those type of messages. What I learned about his message was that without God's vision in our lives we have no purpose, meaning if we do not focus on what God is calling us to do, we hinder our spiritual growth. We become stagnant. Pastor Rigo, said "God's vision should always be our ambition." He encouraged the congregation to pray for clarity in what God's vision for our lives. I believe that without clarity we are blind and we dont see the goodness and the power of having/focusing on God's vision. I specifically remember one main point of the message was that if we want to be powerful for God and His kingdom, we have to put down the distractions of the world because if we don't we become lazy, ineffective, and ultimately powerless. It was a great message to be part of God's vision and focus on it. Great way to start the year. Reminding ourselves to focus ultimately on Christ and from there will be clarity in God's vision for us. Beautiful message. We ended the night with great fellowship at a Mexican restaurant. Tonight I was blessed. Blessed by this community Thankful for this church Grateful for the powerful message. Spoiled by God.

page 3... continued.

"Dust yourself off and try again."

Starbucks, bombs of encouragement, and Jesus pretty much summed up my morning with my brother Jason. Man, I love this guy. It was definitely a great way to start my morning and day. A awesome reunion, to say the least. I think the last time I hung out with this brother was probably maybe in July, we had Chipotle. This reunion was well worth the wait. Great and solid conversations that definitely encouraged me to the core. Somehow, Aaliyah, the singer was brought up and Jason said, "like Aaliyah says, 'You gotta dust yourself off and try again.'" That was one of the highlights of my morning. Honestly, I love this guy, seriously he is authentic to the core. I love being real with him because I can share my hurts, joy, hopes, up and downs. One was definitely the next chapter of my life which is quickly approaching, my graduation. I'm scared to move on. Moving on towards furthering my education scares me because of pressure, amount of work, looking for the right job, and etc. but Jason, encouraged me, to honestly seek God and to trust him. "Trust Him that everything will be okay and it will." One of my favorite quotes from him that morning was, "You're random." Meaning that I'm spontaneous but I like random better. I definitely enjoyed the encouragement and love he poured out to me about my worth in Christ and the man of God I'm becoming. Sometimes, who am I kidding, all the time you need to reminded who you are in Christ. I'm thankful for this time that I had with this brother. Like I mentioned before I love this guy. His character is very impactful and honestly, I say that with complete respect because I have nothing but respect for this guy. The impact he's made on my life, I cannot thank God enough. He is a great man of God and it's honestly inspiring to see someone who is just faithful in God. There was so much more from this morning, but ultimately it was a blessing to have shared life, laugh, make jokes, encourage, and pray. Jason, is the man. Thankful because God did this and did it for me.

Page 3

James 5:16

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

Jan, 2, 2013

I love how God works at times; at times it's great and at times it's confusing, "God what are you doing?" confusing but was phenomenal. It's one of those nights that I'm speechless and amazed by how strong and euphoric God truly is by simply being with another brother, sharing life together. Tonight I was privileged to have a great time of fellowship. Fellowship that I crave when I'm with other believers. God definitely and totally orchestrated this for sure. I'm too spoiled by the conversations I had with Fermin. Let me tell you some things about Fermin. This brother has a heart for God like no other, it's inspiring. The definition of humbleness is him. He is loving, kind, compassionate, funny and strong. Every time I talk to him, I always think to myself, "man, I wish I can be like that." Not out of jealously but out of inspiration. It's rare when I get to see this brother, but it's always amazing when I do. The fellowship tonight was, indescribable in so many ways. A night filled with encouragement, laughs, power, and confession. I honestly forgot how powerful and uplifting confession truly is. In a nut shell of tonight was James 5:16,"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.". I learned that from confessing our sins there is healing, deliverance, and ultimately freedom in Christ. In fact, James is telling us to trust one another and to rely on one another. This is true fellowship. In revealing our inmost faults and in learning to love one another at that level, we truly enter into the love of the Father for His children. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. true love and fellowship leads naturally to prayer. God strengthen this friendship tonight. Iron was sharpened tonight. There was victory tonight, victory that makes the enemy P I S S E D. But you know what... I don't care if he, its or whatever it is mad because I serve, follow, and I am protected by a God who is powerful, almighty, and loving.

Page 2

Page 1.

"It feels so good to be loved by anyone but to think that the Creator of all of this loves me that intensely... that's what makes life more worth living."

-Francis Chan

#newyears #solitude #stopandthink

Beautiful.

"Jesus is the beautiful Man with a beautiful heart. Think about it; He is fully human, acquainted with all of our ways yet has no bitterness, insecurity or shame. He lives with His heart open without fear of being rejected or misused. He doesn't build up walls to spare Himself hurt but He lets us back in again and again. There is no man like Him. He delights to do His Father’s will without rebellion or pride. He’s humble, meek and lowly yet anointed with the oil of gladness more than all of His companions. His heart is fiery, jealous and full of zeal without an ounce of wickedness or egocentric arrogance. His heart is kind, gentle and patient yet unrelenting in His tenacious pursuit of yours. He’ll do whatever it takes to win you over and to unite your heart to His. I love this Man and I love His beautiful heart."

Misty Edwards

January 2 2014

I can't believe it is already 2014! What a year 2013 has been for me. A wild, great, and mountainous year. A year filled with joy, confusion, pain, happiness, prayer, friendships, school, work, family, food, counseling, and ultimately, a year filled with God.

I pray that 2014 will be a good year. I declare 2014 to be a year that. Obedience, love, self-discipline, action, courage,fearless, joy and ultimately trust will be Jose this year, 2014.

"Open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears, come to your people as we draw near, hear us from heaven."

Paramount Harvesters was freaking euphoric!

A night filled with powerful testimonies, authentic fellowship with my brothers, convicting and powerful message by Pastor Eddie Vargas, exhilarating worship filled with passion! I was completely convicted within the first 10 minutes of his preaching, so good and straight to the point. I told my friend Mark, "Hey man, lets go... I'm good a for a month. No church this Sunday!" The message was brutally good. PCBG worship band knocked it out of the park! Amazing time of worship. It was so awesome that my hair got messed up from the jumping, shouting, clapping, dancing and praising for The Lord! Their rendition of "Oceans" by Hillsong, man, beautifully executed. The holy spirit was M O V I N G. I've never heard "Oceans" performed with so much passion,fire, and power. I didn't want it to stop.Brother Robert delivered an amazing testimony, it gave me C H I L L S! Awesome night with my brother Mark I'm speechless, filled, moved, spoiled by God and ultimately transformed.

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Crudo soy.