Changing Tumblr Neighbourhood

29F, India, Absolute Nerd. Gay AF. Witty Only When Writing. Alter ego has a corporate job and tries to adult.

[macaulaytwins]

Everyone in Greek class is gay: confirmed

[raniaigaad]

books

[darkmacademia]

life drawing; male nude in the studio of bonnat (1877), laurits regner tuxen / brideshead revisited (2008), dir. julian jarrold

[lunarylamb]

Francis Abernathy

- “The secret history”, Donna Tartt

[satoumizu]

this is the good luck sakaki

reblog to recieve good luck and claw machine wins in 2018

[buttonpoetry]

You want to know how I got these scars? I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile.

Rudy Francisco, “Helium”

[wordsfromyourveins]

Ever tried to stop tears from falling, so hard that your throat hurts?

[poetryandthesea]

It’s your name running through my mind when I’m lying under the night sky watching out for shooting stars.

// 19 words poem j.d.m.

[books-n-quotes]

I love you. I worry about you. I wonder whether I tell you enough how I love you and want you and need you and how I am diminished … when you are not with me and how I am multiplied when you are here.

Pat Frank, Alas, Babylon (via books-n-quotes)

[wordsfromyourveins]

Just wanted to say, I love your poems.

thank you. I have 0 idea who you are and I am 99.99% inclined to not believe you but my girlfriend is teaching me things. And one of those is to accept compliments. So thank you kind stranger. :) 

[wordsfromyourveins]

Letter To The Girl Who Loves Me

I stopped. I stumbled. For a microsecond there - When I was writing “Who Loves Me..” I stumbled. Because,  it is difficult to believe in something that you did not believe for so long. I did not believe that anyone could love me. And deep down, all I really wanted was a chance to love someone.  I was wrong.  I spend too much time saying sorry because that is the default. That is the Side A of my cassette that has been stuck in a loop,  since I can remember thinking about the second voice  in my head. And sometime, I can unspool it. Set it correct.  Turn to Side B. And sometimes, I believe that’s where it will stay.  I was wrong.  It’s been 4 years now that I have tried to made sense of  the puzzle-box called “my brain”. And I have gotten better at it. I know when to not say the things that my head asks me to.  I know where to stand. And when to hold. And how to say things, that I am not sure are fully formed thoughts in my head.  I was wrong. 

I have unspooled and then collected myself together many times. So many times, that it feels un-natural at times to not unravel.  To have good days and believe in us. And not doubt. To think that I deserve the happiness that we have. In fleeting moments.  To know that I am not deliberately sabotaging us.  I was wrong.  It is torture to watch you ask me for something I don’t know.  “Tell me what is happening inside your head” you said. I am  good at words. Mostly. And this is when they decide to fail.  I have no idea how to describe what is in my head. Without killing  what is in my hand. You and me. A dream.  I was wrong. 

I thought I am over the hump. I have the sunset. And I will walk with you, to the bright side. I will be strong.  I will let you love me. And understand your asks. Be gentle. Be like someone you will want to love. But that is  where I stumbled. I am not to try. I am.  I was wrong. 

I am drowning today. And I don’t know how to ask for help.  But I want help. This is worse than the times I did not, because now I know what it feels to live. Die fighting. No hope was  better, says my second voice.  It was wrong.  I will survive. Stay. I don’t know how to ask for help.  But I am asking you to stay. Just a bit longer, till I can win another bout. I know not when the battle ends.  But I can win most bouts and lose some, I ask you to wait till the end bell. And we will see if,  I am right. 

[wordsfromyourveins]

Why Festivals Bring The Worst In Me?

I have been asking myself this question repeatedly for the last one week and I am at a point where I am ready to shoot myself. I am ready to put a bullet through my head to ensure that I do not hear this question in my head ever again. How do you explain to anyone in the world, let alone yourself why you are the worst when the world is probably at the best. Most of the time it just makes you feel like a grinch and then sometimes you feel like a burden to the nearest and dearest ones. 

I have not been able to go and visit my therapist either. She has a marriage to attend to and things are just not working out. So I am not sure how to interpret or deal with this. What we discussed last year is not working out this time. I can’t lock myself in a room for 4-5 days and refuse to see the real world till I can come out of the room to face whatever is that is in my head. 

The problem with sanity is that you have to work on it. Everyday. Bit by bit. And it is easy to say that this too shall pass. And it is easy to say that I am going to show up for the battle everyday. Bruised and battered but I will. In reality though it is difficult. Sometimes it is so difficult that you cannot do it. 

So you have the days that are called bad days. Nothing is more misleading than those two words. The feelings you go through are as big and as small as they can be. And I am having them and waiting for the storm to pass. And I know that the storm will break some things. I am hoping it won’t break the most fundamental ones. 

*fingers crossed*

[inritum]

[500lettersforyou]

Apparently this works. Go ahead guys, make a wish.

[ink-trails]

I have bouts of missing you. It’s a particular fondness that doesn’t bleed, doesn’t feel like oceans of distance covering what we had, but it still pelts the crater in my chest like raindrops against window panes. On the worst of days, the sun is exploding and she dazzles our streets in light but you are not there to paint her colors. Shadows dot the sidewalk where you do not stand and no silhouette looks quite like you. On easier days, the sky is a tarp and I douse myself in gray and I think of you and it’s a considerate thing when nature clothes itself in my feelings as if she understands. But mostly, I am in the middle. Not beside myself and blue, not wallowing in a sad kind of joy; mostly I just think of where you are and ask the weather forecaster to bring you good news. It’s the soft kind of pining, where I just hope for the best. Not just for me, but for you, too.

p.s. i hope you’re doing well (via ink-trails)

[ashleymacleanblog]

lots of people believe that time will heal all wounds 
but I don’t buy it 
because when someone blasts a hole in your life 
it tends to stay open 
even after the wound heals 
the surface will still remain tainted by scars 
that sink deeper 
than the feelings you hold inside 
and hey, i do believe in healing 
but losing someone 
or being hurt by another 
isn’t something you just move on from 
you just won’t be the same person that you were before 
so I think once something’s broken 
it won’t ever be fully healed 
it will be permanently damaged in some way

does time heal all wounds? comment your answer below.

[sunflowerletters]

One day, I promise someone’s going to love and respect you the way you deserve, And all these people that have hurt you, you’ll see it clear as day, that they were fundamental in your growth, That they were just leading you to the person you were born to be with, That they were shaping you into the person you were born to be

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[wordsfromyourveins]

It’s been 3.5 Months. Yes I have been counting days. And somedays it feels like a lifetime. On some days I find so many new things about you that I am reminded of the days that I have not spent with you. 

But then I realize that imagining kissing you still speeds up my heart dangerously. Still. Everyday. Everytime. It’s like falling for you. All over again. And it is beautiful.