Tell me I am not alone

This blog is dedicated to those who share the same feeling of not being able to feel alright

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Happiness felt sweeter with you

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A Year

It's been a year since the last time I tried reaching out. One year since you ignored my calls and my texts.

It's funny how fast a year went by yet my feelings for you never changed. I thought I would have forgot about you by now but nope. I miss you more than ever.

And there is nothing that I can do about that.

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Sad at night

I only allow myself to grief about you at night when I'm all alone.

In the morning, I have a job to go to, people to meet, events to attend to, so I cannot possibly be sad. I have no time to and how do I explain to others why I have such a sad expression on?

You don't know how hard is it to swallow up my emotions every time I see something that reminds me of you because I know for a fact I can't react to it yet. Not in front of others.

At night, when I'm all alone in bed, I run through all of our memories together, reminisce about all the jokes we share and cry at the fact we might not be able to do that anymore.

Crying over you at night is something I look forward to everyday because only then I'm able to release all the sadness that pent up throughout the day.

So now I seek refuge in the night time, the chance to grief over the things I experienced during the day.

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Reply me

Funny how you ended up leaving me on read and ghosting me when here I was already thinking up of replies for when you finally replied me back

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Choices

Why do I keep meeting guys who make me the second choice and never the first and only?

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Describe this feeling

How do you describe the feeling of seeing and experiencing something that you strongly want to tell that special someone but then realising they’re not in your life anymore?

To cope, I imagine myself telling you and coming up with your replies. I imagine you teasing me about it and laughing at me. I imagine that everything’s alright between us and we’re still texting each other every day.

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He ghosted me

It wasn't so much I was bothered that he ghosted me. It was more of the fact that after many conversations with lots of different people, I finally found someone I genuinely enjoy having a conversation with.

Someone I was starting to care about.

Someone I was able to converse with in 4 different languages.

Someone who remembers the small little details about me when I didn't expect them to.

Someone who had the same ratio of mean to nice jokes.

Someone who took my recommendations literally and went to buy the drink I said was my favourite.

Someone who cared enough to ask if I was home because he was concern that it was getting really windy.

Someone who asked for pics to see what I had for lunch and "din din".

Someone who reminded me every morning to not be stress at work.

Someone who downloaded the first season of the show I said I couldn't stop watching and ended up making all his friends watch it too.

After all that, he still ghosted me and that hurt.

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Amusing Imagination

He once asked “Is it okay for us to be just friends? I’m not looking to be in a relationship”

And I jokingly reply “What if I say no?”

He answered “Well, if we can’t be friends, I would have to marry you and make you my wife then”

From there we talked about how to run away and get married abroad. Which country to get married at and which country we would go on our honeymoon. I suggested Japan and he replied “It’s typhoon season sweetie”

I was fully aware that the whole conversation was just an amusing imagination of ours but that’s what got me. Our conversations always catches me off guard, always makes me think, always makes me laugh and always makes me feel things.

And I would do anything to feel that way again today.

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Baby

He said calling me "baby" would mean other things but then I remember how you didn't even hesitate to called me baby and a bunch of other pet names.

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Whenever he’s ready

He would remind me now and then that he was not ready to be in a relationship but when it came time when he was ready, he didn't choose me.

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Other conversations

It's hard to talk to somebody new or even keep the conversation going because I can't help relating it to the conversations we had before we stopped talking.

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Forget you

How do I forget you? By replacing our memories with someone new? But how do I forget how you make me feel?

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You’ll come back

You always do

But why is it longer this time around?

Are you not coming back for good?

Do you not miss me?

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The Day

I know the day will come when you no longer view my Instagram stories, no longer reply to my Instagram stories, no longer updating your Instagram and no longer following me.

I just didn't except the day to come so soon.

How will I know what's going on in your life now?

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Happy for you

I want to be happy for you, I really do but just thinking about how, as days go by, your relationship with her is most definitely getting stronger. There’s also a possibility you will marry her and I’m torn just thinking about it. But even then, here I am still thinking about you and not letting you go. Why?

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Remember

Sometimes I feel it’s because I choose to remember and not that I can’t forget you

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To be honest, every time you told me that "you're not ready for a relationship", I told myself that I will wait till you're ready. I was so adamant about us being together one day. Now that I found out that you've gotten yourself in a relationship, should I still linger and wait?