Big dump:
It’s been a rough two weeks. I’m starting to feel a little better after everything but I’ve noticed that I need to take a small dose of my Adderall on top of Prozac now. It’s not a bad thing, I just took a while to realize that I was needing my ADHD medicine again. The ChatGPT generator meal plan was working out great except financially it was starting to seriously drain us. There’s two many varieties of fresh ingredients required and it was costing like $200 a week. Right now we are limping by to pay bills and I have been cooking still but I have not been blogging because it was taking too much energy to remember to record on top of everything. I’m going to have to start making my own meal plans to try to cut some costs but I’ve never really done that before so I’ve been reluctant to sit down and take the time to do so .
This weekend my husband gifted me a pair of earrings he 3-D printed and I liked them so much and got such positive feedback from coworkers that I asked him to print more pairs so that I could sell a few at my station at work.  Maybe eventually we will be able to attend art events in town and have a booth And get some extra income on the side that way.
I have a friend that used to work at the beauty school I attended 10 years ago who is going into hypnotherapy and I have been doing sessions with her trying to help me work through some things like feeling guilty about relaxing or feeling compelled to buy more than needed for the kids and family when I’m at the store. I want to feel comfortable just existing because I think if I didn’t feel so stressed out that I would not hold onto so much weight. 
Our older son just got put on a mild dose of ADHD medicine and it has made small but huge changes at the same time. He does not overstimulate me as much and I feel like we have had a better relationship already because of it.
Some of my friends/clients were saying that they really liked my blogs but it seemed like I was firing on all pistons and I think that I was on the ledge of burnout which was why I stopped making the videos so that I could kind of refocus back on the house and everything and not backslide into unhealthy habits.
I really am thankful for all of the interaction I’ve been getting but I think I get stressed out when people try to give me food/intake related advice… I have gained and lost 150 pounds three different times and we know that part of the problem is mental so it doesn’t matter What I do to lose the weight… if I’m not mentally able to overcome certain things and find a healthy balance that I’m goingto backslide and regain weight when there are upheavals. I want to lose weight but more than anything I want to be healthy and happy. 
Anyway, I don’t want to disappear completely and act like I gave up but I’m still trying to figure out my direction I guess? I can’t commit all of my life to weight loss because I have kids and a house and work but I know that it needs to be one of the priorities. Something that is a bigger priority to me honestly is being better about keeping the house clean because I grew up in a family that our house was always cluttered and our mom had temper tantrums about it And I had a lot of trauma associated with cleaning . 
