@violetssconfessions - Tumblr Blog

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hi :) i realized if im going to post about my life, you should probably know who i am ! im violet (she/her), a 21 year girl going to college in the US. i love bugs, alternative music, crafting, fairies, glitter, tattoos & piercings, baby animals, reading, etc etc etc. asks and DMs always open! i would love to make friends and share my deepest inner thoughts here <3 thanks 4 visiting! -vi

mm444kkuu

your quiet comfort, like the soft glow of the refrigerator light.

#idk

1-22-25

ohhhhh my god sorry ive been MIA! i just posted something i wrote, hopefully ill remember to post on here more often again!

you

i dont know what it is about you that feels so special.

when i first saw you, my only thought was “this is who ive been looking for”.

the first time this facade was broken, it felt like my heart had fallen out of my chest, leaving a puddle of me on the ground.

the next time we interacted, that same thought came back.

and when we hung out,

oh, when we hung out.

it felt like nothing bad had ever, or would ever happen.

the waves calming in my body.

the sun shining brighter, and the stars more sparkly.

i thought i could see through the clouds, straight into the unknown, amorphous thing that i had been blindly chasing.

i know, in some innate way, that you felt that too.

in a perfect world, i would be the only person looking into the sky for answers.

but i am not, despite my best efforts.

theres something almost more gut wrenching coming to this realization over time.

i have the tendency to hope for the best, while still being paralyzed by fear of the worst,

and that typically goes well for me.

so when the worst happens, my knees turn to jello,

and my heart is back on the floor, soaking up the old gum and spilled liquor beneath it.

i know i need to pick it up, rinse it off, and go about my life,

but imagining a life where i cant even picture us together is nearly as bad as the alternative.

i ache remembering that you are on the other side of an invisible fence.

so i look for you in every person i meet.

your soft eyes and sandy curls,

a voice recognizable from a mile away.

because if the one thing that feels impossibly correct is wrong,

what is there to trust anyways?

12-16-25

being a person is so fucking hard.

if only i could explain what it is about him. why i went back after being so deeply hurt by him. he ruined my life. he was the big one. the love that i will forever compare everything to, that i will think about until i no longer can. i know that he has the capacity to destroy me, because he's done it before. so why do i let him back into my life? i tend to romanticize pain, coping with it by making it appealing. this almost makes me crave it. i want something to romanticize, something to re-contextualize in my head until it all makes sense. i've said over and over again that i would never let this happen to me again. i know how vulnerable i am, even more so than the first time. but something tells me that i am not jaded because of him, but in spite of him.

last night, he held me up with his hand firmly on my neck, and his knee resting below my thighs. pressed up against the fridge, my back scrambling the letters of my magnet poetry, i looked into his familiar eyes. i saw them with far more sympathy than he deserves. he held his right hand above my head, and told me hes so glad were back in each other's lives. i wish i didnt agree, but when his cold silver cross necklace hit my warm skin again, i remembered the other times we'd been close enough for this. his jewelry getting tangled in mine, keeping our bodies glued together. his glace locked on my sternum tattoo, not knowing that all i thought about as i got it was him. i laid mostly naked on the floor of my friend's sister's west hollywood studio apartment, and talked for hours about him. how sweet his messages seemed. how happy he made me. my tattoo has now been admired by many, but nobody studied it like him. noticing every little dot and point. while he does not have what i need, he knows what i do. its so difficult to be seen in a way i never had been before, especially because i know the person who understands me is not who can give me the pieces i'm missing.

lonelysweet

insidebones

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋꒷꒦

tmblr-1s-stup1d-deactivated2026

Mars Argo shaped my identity

myfairynuffstuff

Oscar Lycke (1877 - 1927) - Late Summer Evening (motif from Näsåker). Oil on canvas.

freedom

i did the task that nobody thought would ever be done. i officially told nev that i am no longer going to be seeing him. he had started to redeem himself, but at the same time he threw logs into the already burning fire. a few days ago, he invited me to his final band performance of his career, and he gave me one of only 2 tickets that he got for it. he didn't even give one to his best friend. of course, i caved and went, and then went to the bar with him afterwards. at the bar, he barely acknowledged me and did not give a shit when i got aggressively hit on by someone else. he sat multiple seats away from me at every opportunity. he had me come up to the bar with him to order a drink, just for himself, and then closed the tab. he made me drive him and his roommate home, and then i went home. he barely spoke to me the entire night, except to discuss logistics for a dinner he was planning on making me. that was very sweet, and i was honored to FINALLY be the recipient of a nev meal as it seems like everyone else in the whole world has been besides me. but it is not enough. lemon, who is how i know nev, hung out with him the night before, and was disgusted by him. he talked the entire time about people hes seeing and fucking and almost tried to brag about the game hes getting. i asked him to his face if he was seeing anybody else, and he confidently said no. i actually do not care at all that he's seeing other people, i am too! and i told him that! but i dont understand why he lied to me. that's where the issues arise. on top of that, i doubt he brags about me, but if he does, what does he say? according to his roommate, M, there's an entire group of girls who hes been with that hate him and talk shit about him constantly. they've had very similar experiences as i have, which is both comforting and harrowing. obviously, i will not go into detail here, but the sex with nev was awful. every single time! and apparently this is the universal experience. so im glad to know im not alone, but im a little embarrassed that i let this go on for so long. i had pity for him. i felt bad. i thought he was just a nervous nerdy guy who wasn't very experienced, but it turns out, he's just so fucking focussed on himself that he doesn't care about the other person's needs in sex. i am so disappointed in myself for seeing him for so long, especially after everyone in my life told me to cut him off repeatedly. hes an asshole. i just texted him letting him know that i would not be coming over for dinner because we should not see each other any more. i told him that if he wants to talk, im willing to. i hope he says yes, because i want him to know that hes an awful person. god, its so embarrassing knowing that i will forever be associated with him. i hate how long i allowed this to go on. this is the end of an era that should've ended long ago, but its too late now for that. he was never going to care about me, and that's okay.

grey

tonight, the sky is grey. the exact same grey it was when we walked through these streets with no goal in particular, besides to be together. its bittersweet to be reminded of a time that cannot be recreated. maybe one day it will be, but this years season of grey skies and muddy alleyways is fleeting, similarly to my naive idea of you. the idea that i would see you again in a week, and i’d have all the answers.

looking into the clouds, i feel uneasy. we discussed how eerie it was for everything to be so still in this rare state.

the eerieness was gone with you by my side. no matter what came at us, we were in it together. something in me tells me that we still are in it together, no matter what it is.

sometimes. i wish i never knew what was in front of me. but at the same time, i did not know how deeply i confident i could be in something. that should be celebrated, no matter if it ends in me crumpled on the floor, considering moving to switzerland.

if that’s what it takes for me to understand myself,

even just for one moment,

it will have all been worth it.

i think im losing my mind

daniellechenettedraws

1-6 Flowers for Post It Show 21 at Giant Robot in Los Angeles December 7 2025 / 2015 Sawtelle Blvd LA CA 90025

11-24-25

i was over at his place until nearly 3am once again last night. we smoked, sitting in a grassy null, where he complimented my hat. and my glasses. and my shirt. and the collage i made. he was nicer to me just in the time sitting in a grassy null than nev has ever been since august. at the market, he pointed out a drink that he really liked, and i told him i had never had it. he instantly bought it for us to share. theres something so strange between us while at the same exact time being so deeply intimate, and i don't know what to do with that. he cares about me and my life in a very real way, and i care about him and his life equally. i think its because we both know that one way or another, we will be important to each other. another thing- i know that i am not being super weird and clingy. something i absolutely have been in the past. yesterday i made SUCH a point of not double texting him and being annoying, and especially not asking to hang out if he didn't seem interested. he was the one to initiate hanging, with literally no indication from me. IT WAS AWESOME

inaloversquarrel

11-23-25

i feel like im floating through life like a ghost. in some sort of desolate space, deeply lonely despite being surrounded by people. i went to a party at nev's last night, and i talked to a million people, but i never really felt like i should be there. surrounded by people who thought i was soooooo lame in middle school, and dont even recognize me now. or maybe they do, but they still think i'm just as lame. i despise the idea that my past still follows me, even though i am so different than i was. well, am i? i would like to think so, but who's to say. it's nice being a regular at a huge party, but at the same time, its frustrating knowing that half the people there simply know me for fucking nev. thatsssss embarassing. but whatever.

yesterday was really weird, and not primarily because of this party. stars came over to my place and we hung out for hours. i feel so confused. jesse isn't responding to me, stars apologized to me, nev was being really nice yesterday, WHATS HAPPENING??‽?‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽ i genuinely cannot stand this for much longer, i think im going insane. i have to move to switzerland or something and become a sheep farmer.

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