Key

He/they 🌱🍂❄️

[thirty-five-owls]

I want to see Matt showing up at the construction site Pete Castiglione works on and is gawked after by Frank’s annoying coworkers. He just stands there with his cane and suit looking like a smug Wall Street mother fucker and one of them asks him “hey can I help you” but in an unfriendly tone, he just smiles and says he’s looking for Pete. Which, obviously is a surprise and a joke to the crew because who ever wants anything to do with that guy. So they jeer and point to the back, calling out “hey Pete there’s someone here to see you”, and a moment later Frank emerges from behind the rubble, dust and white ash on his face and exposed arms, all sweaty swinging a hammer in his hand, and just stares at him and says “fuck me. What the hell are you doing here.” Matt raises up something he’s been holding in his hand and says “tacos”.

And like what a day for the construction crew some of them really thought Frank was wrong in the head because they’ve never seen him speak full sentences till right now.

And they go up to the roof on Frank’s lunch break, Matt tells him the tacos are from this really good joint, taking pity on his store-bought-white-bread pbj sandwich, Frank just snorts and gets down to the point, “how did you find me?” Then Matt confesses that he was swinging by the site the other night beating up some muggers in the alley and heard movements in the demolished building so he concentrated and listened for it and it was just Frank in there swinging hammers at the wall at 2am having a full blown existential crisis. And then Matt says “I thought you were dead.” Obviously a masked way of asking “I thought you faked your death and left the city why am I finding you in Hell’s Kitchen abusing the hell out of some concrete.”

I want to see that.

[tommyprimes]

dsmp au where everything is the exact same exact wilburs entire family are just animals and he’s the only one who understands them

his little brother is a raccoon in a scarf and yet wilbur makes him vice president. his son is a fox who can walk on his hind legs. everyone expects ‘the blade’ to be a terrifying warrior but it’s just a pig in a red cape. wilburs dad is a crow holding a knife in his beak.

dream often has to redo monologues bc he’s been talking to the wrong raccon/pig the whole time. phil’s usually surrounded by his chat so people usually just talk in the general direction of the swarm of crows and hope one of thems phil. las nevadas has around 20 foxes living in it and statistically one of them has to be fundy, right?

[fungus-guy]

this is what comedy looks like

[ewaneneollav]

Finally listened to all music! My favorite song was an untitled file called “ssssddsdrt66677888.ogg” that I found on a flash drive that I found in a landfill in Tunisia

[fuchinobe]

In case anyone is actually into this there are 3 volumes of these:

[en-seta]

Ok so at first I was like “oh haha funny meme” then I was actually impressed by this cellphone music thing??

I looked it up and just listening to the first volume I am blown away like transcended a new level of music creators/Saharan culture blown away guys pLEASe listen to this itissogood

[demonfox38]

[Bandcamp link here!]

[findingfeather]

Humans are REALLY INTO MAKING AND SHARING MUSIC, guys.

[kawuli]

If you like this you might also like

Awesome Tapes from Africa

which is, well, what it says on the tin. Some stuff is free to download, some stuff is available to purchase, some stuff is both.

Just on the first page, we have:

Arthur — Vuvuzela  Dance Remixes Vol. 3 — S’Bamu [South Africa]

Nahawa Doumbia — La Grande Cantatrice Malienne Vol 1  [Mali]

Asnakech Worku — Asnakech (featuring Hailu Mergia) [Ethiopia]

Khalifa Gueye — Ruba [Senegal]

The site started as just a guy digitizing music from cassette tapes that you couldn’t find anywhere outside street markets in various African cities, and now it’s an actual record label that works with African musicians… and also a guy digitizing tapes.

It’s amazing cultural anthropology as well as great music.

[iamoutofideas]

there’s also nyege nyege tapes in uganda which holds a festival every year with a lineup of electronic artists from around the continent & the diaspora

then there’s c-drik who runs the syrphe database where he has spent decades working with musicians in africa & asia to give them a presence online & a means of communication with each other & the rest of the world.

[royalhandmaidens]

9/11 is coming up - and with it, a sharp spike of anxiety that always accompanies the anniversary. each year our community deals with attacks, threats, even deaths. each anniversary i don’t leave my house. i don’t go to the masjid.

i remember the time someone shot up the side of our mosque when we were inside

i remember the time someone chased two young hijabis with a taser

i remember the time someone intentionally swerved towards me when i was crossing the street and i stood frozen in fear

i remember the time someone slipped a knife threat into my mailbox

or the times my friends and i have been verbally assaulted in crowded public spaces and nobody said a word

call out racism and islamophobia when you see it. check in on your muslim neighbors and friends. refuse to tolerate the bigotry and hate that takes lives and spreads fear - both in public and online. stand united with us against hate.

[elvashayam]

this graphic by artist @maeril (instagram, twitter), translated by The Middle Eastern Feminist, is a really helpful guide, especially for those whom confrontation is a trigger. it's helped me a lot.

[image description, from The Middle Eastern Feminist's post:

An illustrated guide to help a person being targeted by Islamophobic harassment in the public space (in the subway, in the street, etc). The illustrations describe the steps to help the person to safety. There are three characters: the person being attacked is represented as a veiled woman with olive skin, wearing a violet hijab and a lavender dress, the bystander/helper is a white woman with short burgundy hair, a striped tee and boyfriend jeans, and the attacker is a white, bearded man with hazel hair, a teal polo shirt and regular denim jeans.

The four steps are as follows:

1) Engage conversation. Go to them, sit beside them and say hello. Try to appear calm, collected and welcoming. Ignore the attacker (this is, again, very important). (the bystander goes to the veiled lady and says: "hi, how are you?")

2) Pick a random subject and start discussing it. It can be anything: a movie you liked, the weather, saying you like something they wear and asking where they got it... ( in the illustration attached to this step, the attacker has a big "IGNORED" marked on his body - the bystander talks about the weather, and a movie her sister told her about)

3) Keep building the safe space. Keep eye contact with them and don't acknowledge the attacker's presence: the absence of response from you two will push them to leave the area shortly. (in the illustration attached to this step, the attacker has a big "IRRELEVANT" marked on his body and leaves the area angrily - while the two protagonists chat.)

4) Continue the conversation until the attacker leaves, & escort them to a safe place if necessary. Bring them to a neutral area where they can recollect themselves; respect their wishes if they tell you they're ok and just want to go. (here the bystander lighty holds the veiled woman by the shoulders as a way to show support)

/end i.d.]

[royalhandmaidens]

i know i told people not to comment on this if they weren’t muslim but i will absolutely accept this addition because it’s generally really useful info to know. this happened to me once and someone used a tactic like this and it worked wonderfully!

in my situation, it was a woman who pretended like she knew me when a man was verbally assaulting my friend and i - she approached us like we were old friends or relatives and asked “what took you so long? i’ve been waiting!”

and just like that, i had an out! the guy didn’t follow when she guided us away, and she stayed by my side the entire time until i had gotten to where i needed to go. the situation was de-escalated quickly and peacefully

i know a gut instinct to seeing bigotry or injustice is often confrontation, but it’s not always the safest response and tactics like this are extremely useful!!!

(however - just to note: if the situation looks potentially dangerous or on the verge of escalating to that level, call the police. there is a difference between uncomfortable comments on public transit vs the threat of verbal or physical assault - tactics like these work well in the first situation, but the second should be treated differently and with extreme caution. never hesitate to notify the proper authorities in situations where it looks like things are getting out of hand.)

[jackie-mae]

If Wilbur Soot won’t give Ghostbur a happy ending then I’ll give him one MYSELF!

This is an AU that’s been knocking around my head for a while. Ghostbur wanders around the afterlife for a while before he stumbles into the Origins SMP (Sort of I haven’t watched much of that SMP it just seems more relaxed than the Dream SMP) Where he builds a new life for himself without having peoples memories of another Wilbur weighing over him

We just have fun here!

[the-arctic-commune]

My contribution to the “how to make mcc more cursed” posts is that I think they should bring Techno back, but he’s transcended to his final form where he’s no longer a competitor, just a Threat. It’s like an entire tournament of the MCC 2 Bingo game. PVP is enabled for Technoblade and Technoblade only. Build Mart but you have to watch out or Techno will appear from behind the granite and murder you. Ace Race but Techno’s got rockets, an elytra, and a punch two bow. During Battle Box there’s a small chance that Techno just teleports into the middle and slaughters both teams with a sharp 1000 diamond sword. If he kills you in the lobby you lose your vote for that round.

[the-blade]

proximity chat is on so the sound of people being destroyed can be heard in the distance at all times

[the-arctic-commune]

Amazing idea, keep talking.

[the-blade]

techno gets coins from killing people, specifically stealing their coins and people can use their own to put bounties on other players so that players a bigger target

[dioritegang]

after a long and grueling mcc, two teams make it to dodgebolt and duke it out. it’s a tough fight, but finally one team prevails and wins the game

they begin to celebrate, ready for their shiny coin and the honor of winning, but their celebrations come to an abrupt halt as they are transported back into the dodgebolt arena

to cement their victory and be crowned the winners of this mcc, they must face one final foe…

they must beat technoblade in dodgebolt…round TWO

[businessbois]

There's something so funny about things normally inconsequential in Minecraft being put in real world context and I think everyone should know.

Like, wilbur jumping into water to grab something seems about right In Minecraft but once you start imagining it roleplay wise it's so funny. like wilbur really just got soaking wet jumping into a lake after a single piece of wood like some hyper dog and I love him for that. It literally snowed it was probably so cold. Why did he do it. He's just that quirky.

Continuing the lake thing eret falling backwards into one during his emotional speech on the 16th is also such a funny mental image

It's especially funny when they add context like Tommy claiming ranboo punched him in the face when they failed their high five

Also /hug lmao

Honestly it's just so great when Tommy describes what he's doing out loud it's literally just those little * * things 12 year olds would use on like animal jam but verbal it's amazing.

Any way that is all I have to share goodbye

dfjka; thank you yes. im thinking about tommy and techno having multiple conversations while tommy is shoved into a box in the corner of techno's house

[miaclemeverett]

mia mia is there a really old clip of Wilbur's housemate walking in midstream and kiss him on the forehead or is that my imagination

yeah

[defectfile1wav]

G R O W. 

When you realize that your weird adoptive brother figure was not only having a break-down but also growing wings…

Yes, Wilbur was growing wings, because Philza gens, and it hurt like hell. And that’s why he did drugs, since Dream said no health care for the server. 

(His body had to create the bone structure of the wings, so he couldn’t carry weight in his back (reason why he couldn’t wear armor), he had back pains, tremors in the hands, losing balance, headaches, and blood lost. Also, his mental state wasn’t great–)

The reason why Ghostbur remembers the pain is because it was constant, all his happy memories in the L'Manberg era, the presidential era and Pogtopia take place while he was suffering in silence. 

[condorclaw]

Personal favourite quotes from the Jackbox stream:

"Aggressive macarena. You go fast."

"Worm syringe."

"I'm going to make you look at this for the last 19 seconds."

"Ah, the cummer. A tale that resonates through the ages. Once there was a man named Jack Manifold-"

"I don't shit where I eat, Jesse. I don't cum where I eat."

"Jack Manifold season 2, baby!"

"112 is a number. It follows behind 111 and precedes 113."

"I often find myself feeling like a Swedish emergency."

*southern accent* "God bless the Americans and Democrats."

"They've been activated. They're going "murica"."

"Jack, if I had it in me, I'd kill you."

"My favourite part of the Wilbur Soot song isn't even Wilbur!?"

"He's bald and hunting animals for fun."

"My talk is "How Ranboo Can Ruin Your Life." He will bankrupt you."

"There'll be enough of us to materialize in his room and kick the crap out of him."

"Like I do with everything, how do I make this about me?"

"Pog, he killed the kitchen fairies?"

"I'm originally from Scandinavia."

"You need to eat bread and nails at all times."

"I have never played a game of this and not got the sexy award."

[moved-19871997]

i turned out okay.

[jellilyy]

babysitting + dad boop

[habeascorpseus]

sometimes I just remember how corpse casually entered dream smp lore for no reason and literally nobody questioned it

[habeascorpseus]

like every time hes in tftsmp I see everyone be like "yay corpse is here! I wonder who he's playing?" and nobody ever talks about how fundamentally weird it is that he's in tales at all. it's not a bad thing ofc bc he has the literal funniest characters but also its like when did he become close enough to the smp to want to participate in it's lore lmaooo

[habeascorpseus]

"yay corpse is in the next tales from the smp!!!" in what universe is this a normal thing corpse doesn't even play minecraft

[memoryboy]

yes! it’s so funny to think that corpse probably had to practice shooting a bow for the wild west tftsmp episode. but it’s really sweet that he always shows up for the tftsmp episodes just because he and karl are best friends when he doesn’t participate in the rest of the server. he showed up for karl’s tour and karl’s series and that’s it. he’s even still listed as a guest in the wiki.

[goldenpixel]

[gardenspirits-deactivated202207]

Plant filled interiors

[unpretty]

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

[heartcoded-deactivated20210417]

oh my god life is so short drink hot chocolate and draw on yourself and take thousands of pictures and wear short shorts and feel your skin and breathe deeply and just say fuck it!!!!!