Started using the phrase “that’s cilantro to me” to refer to the presence of a story element that completely ruins a piece of media for me, disproportionate to its actual badness.
Absolutely crazy to me that the pro AI people nearly always think creative stuff is a chore that a machine needs to do instead of something that is actually fun.
remember in p.e. when they'd take a bunch of insecure teenagers & be like "today we're going to play basketball" and then not teach you how to play basketball. and then put you in a group with guys who were obsessed with basketball and would get mad at you for not knowing how to play basketball. why did they do that
Not socialist in a “I won’t have to work” type of way but socialist in a “I’ll still be working but I won’t be worried I won’t make the rent” type of way. In a “billions won’t be hoarded by one person” type of way. In a “janitors, fast-food workers, child care workers, preschool teachers, hotel clerks, personal care and home health aides, and grocery store cashiers, will live comfortably” type of way. In a “the sick and elderly will be cared for” type of way. In a “no child should work” type of way.
"I just wanna be spoiled so bad" <- girl that proceeds to describe having access to necesities and having her most basic needs met as luxurious and the desire for that as greedy and punishment worthy
me listening to NASA for the first time, completely unaware of the lyrics: this is the best song of all time
me listening to NASA now, knowing the lyrics are incomprehensible: this is the best song of all time
or, when the stars mysteriously light your way to an odd church...
pairing/au: priest! yunho x non-religious! fem reader, nonidol! au
general content/summary: on one of your late night walks, your phone dies. you simply decide to walk until you reach a convenience store—it couldn't be that far, right? well, you end up following the stars to the weirdest church you have ever seen... and walking in seems to bring you to a new world.
notes: race specific descriptors (skin colour, hair texture, etc.), NO body type specific descriptors (size of reader body parts, weight, etc.), though reader is vaguely referred to as being smaller than him (really just talk about him being tall with large hands...)
genre: smut, BLASPHEMY, religious/religion play, slightly psychological
⚔︎ sexual content warnings (explicit): this is lowkey quite nasty chat i'm not gonna lie... blasphemous af again, spit, sweat, f! oral receiving, dom! yunho, some soft dom! yunho, desperate! whiny! needy! yunho (and reader), sub! reader, a singular clit pinch (blink and you'll miss it), tummy bulge, fucking with the rosary on (i am so sorry), dry humping and regular (?) humping, light manhandling, reader calls yunho father (oh my who would write something like that, craaazyyyyyy)... i think that's it?
~5k word count; ~20 minute read
author's note: i finally finished this idea which has been rotting in my docs for ages... enjoy! may or may not feel the need to beg God for mercy after (i may or may have not...) also not really proof-read... sowz!
“speaking in tongues, yeah, we ain’t done yet”
“tell me your confessions, baby, what’s the worst?”
religion has never been quite your thing. there isn’t a serious reason as to why—no religious trauma or hate towards it; it just isn’t for you. none of your family was religious, so it was natural for you to fall in line. you lived your life day to day not praying or worshipping a god, you have never put on your sunday’s best to sit and stand alternatively for hours listening to a priest go on about verses. you have never bowed your head and clasped your hands tight in hopes for the man in the sky to hear your pleads—until the day you did.
walking late at night, headphones in your ears blasting music as you graze through the empty sidewalks. another lonely friday night, yet you couldn’t feel more content. the spring breeze hitting your cheeks and blowing kisses at your lashes as your feet repeatedly tapped away at the ground. there was no destination in mind, just aimlessly walking under the night sky with the stars lighting your path.
a bit of time passed, maybe a bit too much time. the once navy blue sky turns dark, and the only light illuminating your way is the full moon and distanced street lights. you look around, searching for somewhere to take shelter for a bit until you figure out where you are and how to get home. after just a bit more walking, you come across an old chapel, and it looks straight out of the victorian era. it has large, pointed pillars which seemed to never end, dark stained glass of scenes you couldn’t quite make out. and in the front was a large cross with the man himself on it. standing in front of the large sculpture, you were memorised. of course, you were familiar with catholicism, you knew the story and have seen the symbols, but for some reason… you were stuck. you examined the very detailed art piece by piece, the sculptor made the cross look like actual wood, and the cloth hanging seemed soft to the touch.
stuck in your trance, the only thing that got you out was a small movement on the other side of the stained glass. you caught the dart out of the corner of your eye, and it was enough to lure you into the building.
now, have you ever been in a church or temple before? honestly, you can’t say so. you walk through the middle aisle slowly, taking in the new sights before you. the real wooden pews, the green cushions underneath, bibles at every seat, gold adornments everywhere–you didn’t know where to look. this place was almost overwhelming in a sense. everything around you felt so sacred and too precious to even look at for too long. you were still making your way down the long aisle, but this time when you finally fixed your sight ahead of you, you saw someone.
well, someone is a bit of an understatement; you saw a man. tall, almost too tall to be real. he wore a simple three-piece suit with a clerical collar neatly around his neck. his dirty blonde hair was a bit long, but groomed well and fell perfectly over his forehead. he stood a bit off centre to the right at the end of the aisle holding a bouquet of white roses. as you stop in your tracks to take in the man ahead of you, he lifts his head to look at you. you stay still, heart racing as his eyes bore into the pits of your soul. he reaches out his hand, and you trace his veins up all the way his clothing will allow, you finish the trail yourself wandering up his chest. and for some reason, though you feel anxious, you don’t feel scared. in fact, you feel somewhat at ease, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were meant to be right here, with him.
“my love, do not be shy.” he has the gentlest smile on his face as he urges you to keep walking—which you do. you can’t keep your eyes off of his as you make your way up the aisle to him. your pace is steady as your eyes stay locked on each other, basking in whatever presence magnetises you together. you feel, hypnotised? in your proper sense of mind, you would have ran at the first sight of him, and especially his words. but, instead you found all your thoughts subjected to the man who you want to come to know. as you near the mystery priest, you take hold of his outstretched hand as he helps you step up to the platform. he takes both your hands in his one and looks down at you, love and adoration filling his eyes. you cannot help but return his gaze, fully trapped under whatever spell he has on you.
“i have been wanting so long for you, my beautiful bride.” he lets go of your hands in favour of cradling your face, and you weren’t sure when you started to cry, but you taste your salty emotions at the seam of your lips. though, your tears served as an antidote, ‘bride?’ it’s like your mind suddenly snapped out of the puppy-love daze and back to reality.
“yes, God gave me a vision of this night long ago. in it, i saw you, walking down the street in the rain and cold. i’ve waited for this night for so long, my love.”
you have no words, what does one even say to that?
you stand still, hands fallen limp at your sides. you are unsure if you are frozen from confusion, fear, or just lovestruck (probably a mix of all of the above). suddenly, you feel his hand on your face shift, this time to your chin, thumb lightly pressing into the plush of your bottom lip. the mixture of his cold hand and your sodium flavoured tears mesh together in a new pleasant unknown.
you look at him, wide eyed and full of fear—you look like a deer in the headlights. all he does is smile at you and closes his eyes to press his forehead against yours.
he starts speaking in a low, hushed tone, as if there’s others in the church and these words are only meant for you two to hear.
“Lord, thank you for bringing us here together, at last. i have waited patiently for the bride you promised to me oh-so long ago, and she is more than worth the wait. may our union be one filled with happiness and the Lord’s forgiveness.”
he pauses, opening his eyes to meet yours,
“and to my wife, whom i promise to love, cherish, and protect with my whole heart. may you never know regret, pain, or anything of the devil as long as you stand by my side. i have waited my whole life for you, and i shall spend the rest of my days proving to you my unwavering loyalty. for as long as i live, and even beyond our mere human years, i shall be yours if you will have me.”
you still have no words, your world moving so slow yet so quick at the same time. he senses your hesitation, and guides you right back where he wants you,
“my love, did the Lord not guide you here?” you turn your head following his long, pointed finger out the window. the sky has seemed to place the stars in a circle around the church.
“did the Lord not light your way to me? did you not follow in line, step by step according to the Lord’s path for us?”
your mind is running at full speed, trying to make sense of everything. the worst part is, it is not necessarily the details which puzzle you, but the uncanniness of the man in front of you. his words are all correct, for your walk today did lead you to a place unknown, seemingly the stars acted as mere guide lights for you to end up on the church’s doorstep. the sculpture in front seemed all too real, for maybe it was the Lord himself who was giving you the confirmation to enter His home. the walk up the aisle straight into this priest’s vicinity seemed all too easy, despite your better knowledge to run away.
“He did, i suppose. it is just happening so fast.” you reply. looking up to truly meet his gaze this time—not just looking at his face, but in his eyes.
and oh, it feels like you could get lost in his eyes for the rest of your days. large and round, a deep brown colour where you could just barely make out your own reflection. his eyes bore into your own, and it felt as though he was transferring you the essence of his total being. his eyes poured out vulnerability and offered his very soul on a platter just for you.
and how could you refuse such an offer?
“what is your name?” you ask, quietly yet firmly. you were set in your decision, the flight part of your mind starting to grow dim.
“yunho, my love. though, everything which was once mine shall now belong to you.” he kisses your hand, and you feel goosebumps spring from under your skin at the contact.
“yunho, my husband.” you say, eyes still looking into his.
beside you both stood a small pillar, about half the height of him. a red, luxurious velvet cushion rested atop of it with a small black box. he takes a single hand to grab the box, slender fingers wrapping around the soft black material to undo its closure. he pops it open to reveal a set of matching rings, both dazzling silver light as they glisten in the aura of the starlight. he slips one on his finger, before gently taking your hand and sliding the other on yours. he interlocks your hands together with his, each of your rings kissing as your fingers intertwine.
you stand mesmerised by both the sight and feeling of his hand in yours. his palm alone was about the same height as your entire hand. his long, slender fingers wrapped around the back of your hand so gently, lightly pressing as if you were wet cement he wanted to leave his mark on forever. somehow, you weren’t opposed to it.
“it is time, my beautiful wife, if you will truly have me.” he motions toward a bed, one which you somehow missed upon entering. he pulls your hand toward it, a large bed which takes over the entire chancel. it is bloody red, same as the cushion. the soft velvet duvet laid slightly messy across the mattress, with matching pillows across the headboard. four pillars stood proudly tall at each corner, they seemed to never end as you followed their height upwards, apparently going into the star-filled sky through the glass ceiling.
yunho gently sits you on the bed, parting your knees to stand between them as he lifts your face up by the chin to look at him.
“you see the stars honey?” all you could do is nod, your entire vision being his ethereal face glowing with the star-filled sky behind him. he looks unreal, as if the starry night painting was a mere background to his face.
“good, the Lord is watching over us, making sure we seal our union for eternity tonight. i have to fully make you mine, in His name.” he smiles, leaning down to seal his lips over yours.
you feel the soft plushness of his lips slot between yours, teeth lightly biting into your lower lip. you part at the sting, and he gladly envelops the cave of your mouth with his tongue, swiping over any crevice and groove he can explore. you have no choice but to match his pace, letting him take control over your body. he places his hands over your body, one on your shoulder to gently press you into the mattress, the other on stroking loving patterns on your waist. his mouth continues his exploration in yours, starting to elicit small sounds of pleasure from you.
by now, his body hovers over yours, and you just stare at each other. lips parted and breath already ragged. light pants coming from the both of you. his lips are slick from your saliva, and you’re sure yours have turned swollen and bruised from his biting and kisses. his dark brown eyes blend in with the pitch black night sky behind him. the whole scene is grand, his rosary swinging over you as if it’s God himself pulling him closer to you. your hand takes ahold of the rosary, this time you being the one to pull him close to you, like the Holy Spirit is filling your body with the need of yunho.
this time, instead of attacking your mouth again, he decides on your neck as a surprise. still, with that same biting and licking tenacity. he nips at your skin, small bites of just a few centimetres of the skin of your neck before soothing it with the cool wetness of his tongue. his breath still feels hot despite the heat radiating off your body from his touch. his knee creeps its way toward your center, the light graze of his knee cap nudging your throbbing core. his hands make their trek all over your body—from your neck, over your chest, down your sternum, pressing over your stomach. they land just at your hips, the pressure from him keeping himself up is pressing you down, leaving you with no choice but to lie there and accept all he has to give—not that you even cared anyway.
the pressure from his knee however also gets stronger, where is now fully grinding it against you. your back arches at the sensation, and you match his motions as your need starts to grow even stronger for him. his lips travel down, now one of his hands pulling the collar of your shirt down to further his love bites down as far as he can go. eventually, he grows irritated at the fabric hiding you from him and picks at the hem, pulling it off over your head. he does the same with your bra, not even bothering with the pesky clasps and just yanking it off of you, the fastenings get pulled apart from the seams and land wherever they may. he has no hesitation as he now goes straight toward your breasts, tongue licking over the expanse of your flesh as he dives in head first. the feelings are all too overwhelming: his knee still circling your centre and his mouth leaving more bruises all over your chest. it builds up to be too much, and you whine at him to do something.
he chuckles upon hearing your pleas, his breath fanning over your perked nipples and making you shiver. he shuffles on top of you, removing himself from being your only view just for a moment to shed you of the rest of your clothes. as he takes off your panties, the physical evidence of your arousal sticking to the gusset and drawing strings, desperate to experience the first meeting of yunho finally skin to skin with you. you lie there bare, lips fattened and skin covered in bruising colours and the imprints from his teeth still tingling.
his fingers go to slowly undo the buttons of his pinstriped vest from their nestled home in the holes. he removes his own layers, piece by piece in an agonising pace, keeping you anticipating his final shed.
he gets to the clasp on his trousers, and moves with no more urgency than with his top. it’s a cruel punishment for you and a pleasant reward for him. he loves to see you bare in all your glory, your excitement poorly masked by the thin line of patience you have left for him to match your naked state of being.
after what feels like an eternity, he finally drops his trousers and lets his erection proudly stand as tall as it can within the confines of his boxers. you can make out the wet patch from his pre after the build up he has so meticulously crafted for you two. he leans back over you, his bare broad shoulders and wide chest this time covering your vision of anything but. his takes his hand and runs it gently down your side, all the way from your sensitive neck down to your hip bone. his long fingers casually make their way closer and closer to your soaking centre, crying in agony for him to touch you where you need him most.
“baby, i think she misses me. we’ve spent this entire lifetime so far apart, but i promise i’ll never leave you again.” he travels down to press sweet kisses all over your inner thighs, his cheek barely grazing your weeping pussy as it throbs and begs for him. finally, he meets you dead centre in front of the heaven which sacredly lives between your legs.
and for yunho was a priest, and has had more than his fair share of heavenly encounters with the Lord and his angels, but he swears no amount of prayer or worship to the Lord could ever be grander than what he’s about to experience from you.
his nose meets you first, sliding up the delicacy of your slit to meet your clit as his lips start another round at your entrance. he teases as he licks around your rim to collect all of your slick on his tongue before pushing into your pulsing hole.
you’ve never praised a higher power before, but you had to commend yunho's Lord for the way he was feasting on you.
it was all messy, cleanliness completely out the window. his tongue was embarking on journeys within you that you didn’t even know existed. you feel the extension of his love swipe through all of your crevices and he leaves you wiggling below him in his grasp—fully at his mercy.
and yunho may be a priest and an extension of God, but he is all but forgiving. the way his tongue pushes itself in and out of you had you looking at the sky and wishing upon the stars that he will never leave you.
he continues his affection on your lower half, alternating between his tongue fucking you, kitten licks all around, and light nibbles on your clit. eventually, all the pressure became too much to handle as you start clawing at his broad shoulders, pushing and pulling on his hair, and even your feet starting to kick in attempts to relieve yourself from the never-stopping force that was yunho.
he smiles against your folds at the way your body reacts to him, you seem unaware of your actions as your eyes roll back and your back arches aggressively. and just before he can tell you are about to come down, he yanks his face away. you are abruptly disrupted in your rising high as you look down to see why he stopped.
all you are met with is a smiling yunho, but not a teasing one—instead, it was actually quite sweet.
“my love, i would love nothing more” his hot breath leaves goosebumps in its wake as his mouth travels back up your body, from your own heat, your hip bone, all over your torso, slightly blowing over your bruised chest and neck, making its way finally to the side of your cheek, “than to taste you come all over my mouth. but tonight is special, tonight we must complete our holy vows.”
he presses sweet kisses to your cheek, each one slightly more pressing than the last,
“i have to make you come on my cock, is that okay with you, darling?”
you stare back up into his eyes, the scene the same as before with him towering over you and overtaking your entire view. you have no choice but to nod as the stars behind him seem to swirl mockingly to put you in a trance—though yunho’s presence was more than enough to do so on his own.
“are you ready for our consummation, for you to finally become my wife in the eyes of our Lord?” he asks, straightforwardly this time as you see his hand reach to tug at the waistband of his boxers. you nod eagerly, ready to finally be able to feel him.
“i need you to say it, y/n.” he slightly whines, getting as desperate as you. at this point, his boxers are halfway off and you see the extension of him grow even taller as he stares at your naked, quivering form.
“yes, yunho, please—” you beg, becoming even more antsy and worked up. you see now he has fully gotten rid of his boxers, and he takes his angry, leaking cock to grind it between your folds. his pre mixes in your own slick, your heat cooking it together to create the perfect mixture of lubrication for what is soon about to follow. you can feel the way the head of his cock catches on the hood of clit every time he grinds upward—finding a home in the plushness of all your folds. he leans over, face hovering closely above your own to slowly part his lips and let his spit pool into your open, panting mouth. the feeling has you reeling and arching your back with your eyes screwed shut, it’s as if his saliva was honey and all the words you wish to speak were stuck in his honey trap.
“not my man-made name, my holy one.” he says as he licks his lips to clean up the remnants of his spit which didn’t land in your wishing well. your mind blanks, unsure of what he means. you look back up at him to spare him a confusing glance, but you get your answer as soon as you make eye contact with the rosary still swinging from his neck.
and here you were, lying naked under a religious figure whose sole duty was to serve the Lord and be fully dedicated to his congregation. yet, you lay under him as tears have flooded past the gates of his eyelids from his own desperation, mixing down with your arousal still coating his mouth and chin—all combining to drip down and hit your cheek in a salty mixture. you open your mouth just as a droplet falls, landing on your tongue, in a way drawing you to obey his recent command,
“yes, father—please, i need you, pleasepleaseplease!” you beg and whine, antsy for him to just do anything, anything at all. your body is wiggling around in an attempt to feel more of him, hips bucking up uncontrollably to try and slip his still growing cock inside.
he finally starts to match your level of distress, his own hips matching your own pace as he starts grinding even deeper and harder onto your centre. his breath starts to become even more ragged as he quickens his pace, losing sight of the self-control he previously had—way too lost in the pleasure your heat provides to even care. you have to snake your hand down and slip! his cock in yourself to provide you both with the pleasure you both have been craving.
his entire body stills at the realisation of just the top half of his erection inside you. you watch as he sucks in a harsh breath and his stomach contracts in surprise. his hands move to your hips, their hold bruising and keeping you pinned into place. you watch as different emotions seem to flash across his face, unsure how to feel at your actions.
eventually, he lands on a slightly pissed reaction. his brows slightly furrow and his forehead scrunches, a deeper dusting of red airbrushes his cheeks and his lips form a flat line. his hands move toward your waist, and before you can contest, he is picking you up and slamming you down in the middle of the bed. your hand graciously lands on a pillow, but not for long as he yanks you a bit further down. he grabs another pillow to place under your hips.
“my love, i’m trying to be patient, but you’re making it so hard for me…” his breath travels from your jaw, all across your cheek, and lands near your temple. he presses sweet kisses upon its journey, but something in your soul tells you his next movements are not going to be the same.
“this is supposed to be in the name of the Lord. for the text says ‘love is patient, love is kind.’ but what i want to do to you…” he trails off as he hand strokes down your body, lightly poking your entrance with his leaking mushroom tip, “is everything but.”
then, without another word, he fully slams into you. all of his length goes straight to your guts as he begins with such a fast, wretched pace. he has one hand on your breast, tweaking at your nipple, will the other fully supports his weight resting on your hip. you just lie there and take all he has to give you, eyes rolling back and your hands gripping at his biceps in an attempt to ground yourself against his rapid abuse. you watch as his rosary swings back and forth like a pendulum, putting you in yet another trance. meanwhile his eyes are watching you, all of you. the way your breasts bounce every time he slams in, your stomach sucking in at the gaping sensation of him burning you from the inside out, your thighs twitching and spreading even wider to accommodate his own lower half, your bottom lip tucked into your lip but the bottomless whimpers and moans still seeping out of you, and the last thing he landed on? oh, that one had him ruined.
his eyesight travels upwards until it lands on your own eyes, and he notices they aren’t on his, but on his chest. specifically, it’s on the ultimate symbol of his devotion whose length swings from well past his neck and nearly grazes your sensitive nipples.
he takes the rosary off, and places it around your own head. the long beaded jewellery travels down your sternum, and the symbol of the holy cross lands right between the valley of your chest.
and oh, yunho thought he understood why God sent his only son to execution just because he loved humans so much, but now he really gets Him.
yunho would nail his own limbs to a wooden cross if it meant you could spend even another minute in the sweetness that was your cunt.
you feel the coolness of the rosary fall on your chest, and your body can’t help but grow even hotter and the realisation of such a blasphemous act happening, especially with a priest nevertheless.
the sight below him makes yunho go even harder, as if that was somehow still possible. he hits every spot you have ever dreamed of with such expertise and perfection—his energy never faltering. his mouth reconnects with yours, this time in a sloppy wet make out session. he is restless as it is all teeth clashing and tongues flailing. he tasted you and fucked you at the same time with such vigor it was if he was trying to crawl into your skin.
“you are mine now, y/n, you know that right?” he is whimpering himself now, his tempo still steady but you can feel all of the previous play has him nearing the finish line.
“we’re sealing it now, we can never take it back. y-you’re mine, forever, even past till death does us part.” he is rambling now, his tongue is stuck outside of his mouth as he licks up the tears falling from your eyes. he moves a hand to pull the rosary even further down, coincidentally landing right at the bulging spot in your tummy where you can see him kissing your belly button from the inside. he takes his large palm, covering most of the expanse of your stomach from its sheer length, and presses. you feel both the pressure of his hand pressing down and meeting his cock, as well as the indent of the cross branding itself onto your stomach. the feeling grows all too much, and you start clawing red angry lines down his back.
“say you know. s-say you kn-know you’re mine.” he is kissing the corner of your mouth, trying to draw the words he oh so desperately wants to hear out of your mouth.
“y’yes! i’m all yours, father. all yours…” you trail off into oblivion as his free hand starts rubbing your clit fast and hard. you clench down around him, now on the verge of overstimulation and so close to hitting your high.
after a few more thrusts, yunho starts to lose his pace. he comes with a few extra grinds into you as he fills you up with his love. you hit your high at the same time, his fingers on your clit growing restless as they rub and pinch at your small bundle of nerves. you come undone with a squeal of his name, your knees cramping up to your chest, and your back arching to help relieve you of all the built up tension of the night.
your mind is in a daze and you both come back down from your highs. yunho gently guides your legs back down, withdrawing his now spent cock from you, causing you to wince at both the cool air and the emptiness taking over.
he immediately goes to pull the blanket over your quivering body, hand enveloping your cheek as he guides your eyesight toward him.
“i’m sorry, my wife, are you alright?” he asks, all of the snarky dominance and whiny desperation he once had now out of his system, simply leaving him with the mindset of a concerned lover.
you cannot even muster up the strength to speak, so you hope your small nod and smile is enough to convey your feelings of content. he seems to take it as such as his mouth turns upward in a smile of his own, his thumb caressing the apples of your cheeks just under your eye.
he leans down to press a gentle, romantic kiss on your lips. no rushing, teeth, tongue, or impatience—just full of his devotion to you.
he pulls away as you look up once more. this time, the stars are gone as the sky has turned into an all-consuming black. yunho cozies up next to you, pulling your head to lie on his chest, your leg thrown over his as you grab onto him like a koala.
one of his hands finds the rosary still hanging from your neck. he stares down at it, the gold and navy blue beads staring back at him. he fidgets with the cross pendant hanging at the very end, making eye contact with the figure. you notice him smile again as he turns his vision to you.
and yunho didn’t have to say anything for you to understand what he was conveying. the consummation has been accepted, your union finalised. you turn your head toward the front door, but you notice it’s not there anymore. panic almost starts to fill you being until yunho grabs your attention,
“none of that anymore, just focus on me, okay? we were made for a greater purpose.” and you accept it. every time you looked into his eyes it was as if you were staring through a window and seeing God himself.
and regardless of who God is,
who are you to deny Him?
Sometimes Sappy. Usually Feral. @writhingwrecked - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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