Unsolicited Writing Advice
When you need to rewrite something, start with a blank document. Do split screen between the original and your new document.
It helps your brain think because you're not editing over the top of something that already exists and agonizing how to make it better, you're simply using it as an outline for what you want to accomplish.
I'm currently doing this with a scene I wanted to add more detail to. The opening paragraph was originally 102 words. I have now written 1000 words, and I haven't reached the point where the next paragraph comes in from the original yet.
I've added details. I've add context. I've brought in characterization. I've made silly jokes. This scene is already 1000x better than if I tried to write over the top of it.
So, get a new document and start from the beginning. See what happens.
