titsay
if i look back, i am lost
Janaina Medeiros
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JVL
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DEAR READER
Sweet Seals For You, Always
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
trying on a metaphor
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@writingkap
how is eddie telling buck about the will a normal best friend reaction to buck saying it would have been better if he was the one who got shot. how is that something we’re supposed to learn and just live with as the viewers. i just saw a man place his whole entire universe in another man’s hands and i’m supposed to move on and pretend it’s not an ‘i love you forever. i trust you. you’re worth it’?
i'm torn between wanting buck and eddie to have a full-blown fight where they scream and yell and shove at each other because they just don't get it huh like they really don't get it OR wanting them to have a quiet soft conversation on the kitchen floor because they're both just tired of pretending that they don't know what this actually is OR if i want the fighting first and then the soft conversation help
this is exactly how torn i am...
i would pay so much money to see the last chapter of moa in percy's perspective. i need to see him anxiously awaiting annabeth's return. i need to see him silently cry into her hair when she falls apart in his arms. i need to see him beaming with pride when she describes how she completed a quest no child of athena ever could. but for the love of god. i need see to him experience all five stages of grief the second he sees annabeth being dragged into the pit. i need to see him pray to every god and goddess in existence that he reaches her in time. i need to see him look into annabeth's eyes and come to terms with the notion that they might never come back from this. and i need to see him confess that he'd relive every awful moment of his life if it meant that they were together in their dying moments.
Katniss is like Lucy Gray this, Katniss is like Sejanus that, and yes find that's all good and true and lovely but Katniss Everdeen is also a direct parallel to Coriolanus Snow and people NEED to start talking about this because it's driving me crazy.
Think about it: they both grew up poor and deeply vulnerable, losing parents at a very young age, with a matriarchal adult (Katniss' mother and Coriolanus' Grandma'am) who fails to provide for them emotionally and physically. They intimately understand the threat of starvation, even developing with stunted growth because of it, and their narrations in the books share a fixation on food. Throughout their childhoods, both experienced constant fear and suffered a fundamental lack of control over their circumstances. Because of this, they're inherently suspicious of the people around them. They resent feeling indebted to others, especially those who have saved their lives. They're motivated almost entirely by family and deeply connected to their communities. Both are used and manipulated by the Capitol, both are forced to perform to survive and despise every inch of it, both are thrown into the Arena and made to kill. Both have a self-sacrificial, genuinely sweet sister figure acting as their conscience. Peeta and Lucy Gray - performers and love interests with a fundamental kindness and sense of hope about them - fulfill markedly similar roles in their narrative. Both contribute to the development of the future Hunger Games, Snow throughout tbosas and Katniss towards the end of Mockingjay.
It's easy to ignore these similarities because, as mirrors of each other, they are exact opposites. Katniss is from District 12, viewed and treated as less than human; Snow is the cream of the Capitol crop, given the privilege of a name with social weight, an ancestral home, and the opportunity of the Academy despite having no more money than a miner from 12. Katniss has no agency over her life, and responds by being kind whenever she's able, while Snow justifies horrendous evils in order to continue his quest for complete control. Katniss does everything she can to protect her family; Snow does everything he can to protect his family's image as an extension of his own ego. Katniss loves her District and connects with its inhabitants on a meaningful level, but Snow is indifferent at best to his peers - the apparent "superior people" - and only engages with his community for personal gain. Katniss emerges from the Arena horrified at herself and the system, but Snow takes his trauma and turns it into an excuse to perpetuate the violence with himself at the top. Katniss cares for Prim until her death and then snaps at the loss of her little sister, while Snow survives on Tigris' blood, sweat, and tears and then torments and abandons her, presumably because she calls him out on his insanity. Snow actively adds to and popularizes the Hunger Games because of his vendetta against the Districts following his childhood wartime trauma - Katniss briefly agrees to a new Hunger Games in the pursuit of vengeance, but later stops them from happening by killing Coin and choosing a life of peace and privacy. Snow is obsessed with revenge, but Katniss empathizes with the Capitolites and does what she can to keep them from suffering. He exists in a cruel system and selfishly upholds it; she exists in a cruel system and works to dismantle it for the good of her family and community, at great personal cost. And Peeta and Lucy Gray are incredibly similar, but Katniss and Peeta forge a relationship of genuine love and understanding that shines in comparison to Coriolanus' obsessive projection onto Lucy Gray.
So, yeah, Katniss is Lucy Gray haunting Coriolanus. But I bet you anything that eighty-something year old President Snow looks at her, the girl on fire, bright and young and brilliant, emerging from a childhood of starvation with a relentless hunger for success, a talented and charming performer helping her win the Games, and he sees the ghost of his own past. And that's why he's so afraid of her! Because if he sees himself in her, then he's up against his own cunning, his own talent for manipulation, his own charisma, his own genius. He's up against the version of himself that he once wished to be, with the nightmare army of his childhood at her back and her star-crossed lover at her side, spewing Sejanus' truths in his own voice. This isn't to say that Katniss ever achieved the level of power and agency that Coriolanus did during her time with the rebellion, but it is to say that Snow was taken down by what truly terrified him - his own morality, come to finish the job.
If I operate out of fear and it goes away, how am I supposed to operate?
again i am reminded of @writingkap's buzz!eddie agenda
God I hate Eddie Diaz (he’s so pretty) ((I’m in love with him))
Buck in the first 20 minutes of Under Pressure
because, Evan
I could be your sacrifice.
in which crowley tries to convince himself that all is not yet lost, because underneath it all, he is an optimist…
#Just Insane Moments
If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.
buck and bobby's kitchen scene in 4x14 is so special to me. it's a conversation they wouldn't have with anyone else and it's definitely not a conversation buck ever had with his father.
"Usually it's 'what were you thinking, that was reckless' and my personal favorite: 'you could've been killed'."
buck being annoyingly cute trying to elicit a reaction from bobby because he can't stand the silent treatment. that's the biggest punishment after growing up with parents who were constantly disappointed in him.
buck needed to hear that bobby knows he goes 'where angels fear to tread ' because he cares. and bobby needed to hear that buck wasn't being reckless, he was simply ready to give his life to save his family. as always.
(because he thinks he's expendable but you know, eddie took care of that.)
and bobby lets it go because deep down he knows by now that he gets angrier at buck than anyone else because that's his kid and he's afraid he will get hurt again.
