I do take requests and ideas if there’s anything you would like me to write. I also write reader/you stories, even though Falling, fallen is an OC story. The only thing I don’t write is non/dub-con, but you can request anything else; fluff, angst, smut, you name it! Requests must also be for a single-part story!
Falling, fallen (Spencer Reid x OFC)
A/N: Since this going to be a longass story I’ve decided to split it into different “parts” where each part centered around a specific event. Each part of the story will contain several chapters and I’ll try to mark it as well as I can in the masterlist below. It’s all going to follow the same story chronological, so you can really just start on the Prologue and read chapter for chapter.
I’ve also made a quickstudy where you can keep track of all the important characters and details which will be important to the story later on. It will be updated with every chapter so keep in mind that it will contain spoilers from the latest chapters! You can find it here: Quickstudy.
Hope you enjoy the read!
Part 1
Story summary: Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Prologue published 05/07/21
Chapter 1 pulished 05/08/21
Chapter 2 published 05/09/21, republished 05/20/21
Chapter 3 published 05/20/21
Chapter 4 published 05/23/21
Chapter 5 published 06/02/21
Part 2
Story summary: The BAU investigates Leah’s brother’s dissapearence. Will she get the answers she’s been seeking? And how will her life and relationship with Spencer change?
Story summary: The BAU investigates Leah’s brother’s dissapearence. Will she get the answers she’s been seeking? And how will her life and relationship with Spencer change?
Chapter summary: The BAU discovers something interesting in connection to Sam’s case and Leah goes back home.
The longer she found herself in New York, the more she regretted agreeing to tag along. Just as David had told her, the first day had been rather uneventful, or at least for Leah. What the team was doing at that time, she had no idea. She’d spent the first few hours after she got to the hotel trying to catch up on some sleep. When she woke up from her nap she decided to call Ruiz, just to let him know that she was okay and probably wouldn’t be back in a few days. She didn’t tell him where she was or what she was doing. She’d never told him about Sam and it felt weird to lay it all on him via a phonecall. She did promise that she’d tell him everything once she got back home. After that she went shopping, buying herself three pairs of underwear, a pair of socks, a skirt and a blouse she could use to almost anything. After that she showered and went back to sleep without even considering lunch or dinner. She was utterly exhausted and the twelve hours of sleep she got that night really helped.
The second day was a little more eventful. Derek, Emily and Spencer had met her for breakfast, the rest of the team probably getting a headstart on whatever they were working on. It felt oddly… normal to have breakfast with them. They didn’t talk about the case even once, all the talk was about this new property Derek was working on renovating - Leah didn’t even know he was into flipping houses - and Emily saying she missed her cat and hoped Penelope was taking good care of her. Spencer was unusually quiet, but she liked his company the most for obvious reasons. She still wondered if he was in a bad mood or if he simply didn’t know what to talk to her about. She didn’t question it.
She was informed during breakfast that they wanted her to come down to the station again so they could go over some details. So, she did. She probably spent closer to three hours talking to various members of the team and other police officers about anything she could remember from the day Sam went missing.
“Was there ever a time where you left him out of your sight?” Emily asked her as the two of them were sitting behind a closed officedoor. Leah shrugged, wondering just how much she really had to tell.
“I was with him when he disappeared. He was right next to me. I look away for one second and he was just gone,” she explained once more. She already told the story about four times that day alone. She’d taken Sam to the mall, the firealarm had rung and they had moved to the parkinglot outside where she had seen some friends. They had both gone over there to talk to them, Sam had been by her side the whole time, but she had looked away from him for just a second while she spoke to her friends and he was gone. Just like that. No-one had seen anything because Leah at first had assumed he’d just wandered off. But after a minute or so of looking through the big crowd and realizing he wasn’t anywhere to be seen she’d started panicking. That’s when all her friends and the people around them realized what had happened. Leah still blamed herself for it. What if she’d started panicking right away? Sam would’ve probably been so close by that someone would’ve seen him. And what if she hadn’t been so occupied with her friends? There were just so many what if’s that it made her head spin.
“I know, but when you were at the mall… Did you ever leave him alone?” Emily asked and Leah swallowed.
“Does it matter?” She asked. “Do you, like, think that maybe whoever took him scoped him out or something? And even if I did leave him for a minute or so, why not take him when he was alone?”
“We don’t know yet,” Emily said. “But… you did leave him?” Leah chewed on her lip, feeling utterly guilty about the fact that she had. She had explained it to the police that first time, but they hadn’t thought it was important and she assumed all the details of her statement from the time had gotten lost in the mess of papers. She had never told anyone why she left Sam alone at the mall, not even her parents who would be furious if they found out.
“It was just for, like, five minutes. Tops,” she told Emily who just nodded slowly. “I left him at the arcade. I didn’t think anything of it. My mum always did the same when she got tired of him… Not in a bad way, but he could get pretty hyper or complain a lot because he didn’t want to go into that store or that store… The arcade was just, like, a good place for him to hang out on his own while we ran other errands,” she explained further. She had never thought the arcade to be unsafe. She knew they had cameras and employees working there who looked after the kids. Leah and her mother hadn’t been the only ones to give their kids a $5 bill and tell them to have fun. If anything, the arcade was probably the safest place in the entire mall.
“Okay, so you left him at the arcade. Where did you go?” Emily pressed on asking. She must’ve noticed Leah’s reluctance to answer, because her eyes softened a little. “It’s okay, you can tell me.” Leah got heavy flashbacks to that night at the hospital, of Emily telling her she had to be honest or else she couldn’t help her.
“I… I, uhm, met up with a dealer by the dumpsters behind the mall,” Leah said honestly. It was painful to admit and she could feel her whole body shaking.
“Okay,” Emily said slowly. She didn’t seem angry or disappointed by a long shot, she didn’t even seem surprised.
“It-it wasn’t like that,” Leah started to explain, feeling the need to regardless of what Emily thought. “I used to… buy weed for my mum.” It wasn’t a lie. Leah had actually never tried any kinds of drugs, at least not illegal. Some of her friends smoked occasionally, but even at 16-17 she was smart enough to understand how badly drugs fucked with your system. It wasn’t actually until she got older, after she became a nurse, that she realized that weed was far healthier than cigarettes and alcohol, but she had still never tried it. She just didn’t see the point in it, just liked she’d never been tempted to try a cigarette. She was far from an angel when she was younger, but she was never rebellious. At least in that way.
When Leah was 7 her mother got diagnosed with breast cancer. It had been hard because she was only seven at the time and hardly understood why her mother was always tired, why her breasts at some point suddenly disappeared and then reappeared a year or so later. Her father hadn’t been around much that first time, having been busy with his job as a DA. When she got older, Leah realized that the cancer had spooked her mother, probably making her realize that she wanted to leave behind a legacy of sorts. And... Leah just wasn’t enough. She remembered how happy her mother had been when she announced that nine year old Leah was going to become a big sister. She had been so excited at first, since many of her friends had siblings, but things changed when Sam was actually born. Their father was still never around, Leah went to school and her mother stayed at home with the baby. When Leah would come home, she expected her mother to shower her with affection since she’d been gone all day, but that was far from the reality of it.
As an adult, Leah understood that her mother didn’t love her any less, that having a ten-year-old and a baby was hard. But at the time she’d been envious and jealous, which probably wasn’t so much different from other children in her situation. But her parents didn’t seem to notice and never talked to her about it. So, she sort of grew apart from her parents, didn’t really spend time with her brother and didn’t get to know him until her mother relapsed. The cancer came back when Leah was 17, this time as a tumour in the frontallap. Her father quit the job immediately, using all his time to take care of her. Leah suspected it was because he felt guilty for not being around so much the first time. But no-one took care of Sam. And Leah remembered how confused she had been at his age. So, she became a sister, mother, father; the whole damn family to her babybrother. She cooked for him, took him to school, to see his friends, to the mall, even to the ER. when he broke his wrist after falling down from a tree.
And it was hard because she felt that she, a 17 year old girl, had suddenly become head of the household. She watched out for Sam, she picked up a part-time job to make her own allowance, she even started buying weed for her mother because it seemed to be the only thing that would cure her headaches. Her father, given his previous job as an attorney, refused to buy, Sam was only 7, turning 8, her mother wasn’t even capable of getting out of bed, so that left Leah. And Leah was in high school, which meant she had connections. Because, let’s face it, anyone in high school knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone who deals. That’s, like, the way highschool works. It did back then and it does now.
So, the day Sam had gone missing she’d been at the mall to meet up with her dealer. She’d gotten what she needed and went straight back to her brother. The two of them had roamed around for a few more hours, playing games together at the arcade, shopping a few things and eating. They were more or less done there when the firealarm had gone off. God, Leah should’ve just stuffed Sam in the car and went home then, not stopping to chat with her friends who she’d see the next day anyway. Again; what if.
After her conversation with Emily, Spencer was quick to locate her. He seemed worried and he probably had every reason to. Just thinking back to everything, having to explain it and reliving her worst nightmare over and over… It drained her. But she lied and told him she was fine, that she just wanted some air to clear her mind. Emily had told her that they were done for now and she was free to leave, that they’d call if they needed her to come back, so a walk seemed really nice at the moment. Spencer seemed reluctant to let her go, even offering to take a break so he could go with her, but she brushed him off. She could really need some time alone and he respected it.
The next hour or so was a blur, kind of similar to just a few nights ago when she’d driven to Spencer’s apartment. For some reason she pried a cab, telling the driver the address to her old house and getting out at the end of the street. She handed him a $20, which was probably way too much for the short ride, and told him to keep the change. She hadn’t been back there in at least eight years and a lot had changed. She used to live in one of the few residential areas in the Bronx which consisted of actual houses, but she could see that times had changed. The street down from hers had been completely demolished and apartment buildings had been put up. It sort of made a vast contrast and she wondered how long it’d take before her old street would meet the same fate. It was sad to see, but looking up at her old house she felt a little more at ease. At least it was still standing.
A lot of changes had been made, but it was no doubt still the same house. The outer walls had been painted a light blue colour, which Leah found herself liking a lot more than the tacky yellow it had been when she used to live there. The fence had also been upgraded and it seemed like the people who lived there now were a lot better at landscaping than what Leah’s family had been. Her mother had tried to plant a flower bed, once, when Leah was maybe 12-13. It had been a disaster and a project they never tried again. It made her happy to see that people who lived there now seemed to really make the place a home.
She must’ve stood there for a while, because at some point a van pulled up into the driveway and a slightly heavy, black woman stepped out. Leah offered her a sheepish wave at having been caught and decided to wait for the woman to approach her so she could explain that she wasn’t some creep or anything. She didn’t want the woman to feel uneasy, thinking she was there to break in or something.
“Can I help you with something?” The woman asked as she came over. She had a bag of groceries in one hand while trying to balance a toddler on her hip. An older child, probably five or so, was clutching at his mother’s pantleg.
“No, uhm… Sorry, it’s just… I used to live here,” Leah explained, having no idea what to even say at that point. Her head was such a mess that she’d actually thought it was a good idea to take a trip to her old house. “It’s been a while and I was in the neighbourhood so I decided… I don’t know, I just wanted to take a look at the old place, I guess,” she tried to explain. The woman smiled warmly at her, the kind of smile that Leah wished her own mother had given her.
“Oh, that’s nice!” She said. “Would you like to come in?”
“Oh, no, no! I didn’t mean to intrigue! I was just… I don’t even know what I’m doing,” Leah chuckled nervously.
“Nonsense! Come in and have a cup of coffee or tea or something! I always like having guests over, so don’t feel bad,” the woman assured her. “I’m Monica, by the way. I’d shake your hand, but they’re kinda occupied at the moment.” She laughed as she lifted her hand which was clutching the bag.
“Oh, do you want me to take that for you?” Leah questioned, even though she still hadn’t actually accepted the offer for a hot beverage.
“Why, thank you!” Monica grinned and handed the bag over. She led the way up to the front door, managing to unlock it now that one of her hands was free.
“I’m Leah, by the way,” Leah introduced herself as she stepped into her old house.
“Wouldn’t happen to be a Roger, would you?” Monica asked as she made a beeline for what once used to be a kitchen. Leah followed her and, yeah, it was still a kitchen.
“Nope,” Leah answered. “We sold the house to the Rogers, though.” Leah had never actually met them, but she remembered their names after her father put the house up for sale.
“And me and my husband bought it from them,” Monica chuckled. “Small world, eh?” She put the toddler down in one of those babychairs, heading for the fridge and filling a sippycup with milk. “Can I interest you in some cherrypie?” She asked as she turned around to give Leah her full attention. Leah wanted to say no just to be polite, but she could tell that Monica didn’t bother at all so she agreed to a slice and a cup of tea. As Monica fixed everything, Leah decided to look around and she noticed a lot of things had changed. Almost the entire place had been renovated. When Leah had lived there there had been a ton of walls, which always made the rooms feel more crammed than they actually were. Now it was an open floorplan between the kitchen in the back and the rest of the livingspace. The diningroom and kitchen were connected now and within the same sightline. The office by the frontdoor had been turned into what looked like a mudroom and stairs leading up to the second floor had been refinished with beautiful hardwood compared to the carpet she remembered. The house was nice, but it was also so different that it almost made Leah doubt it was even the same one.
Monica was very nice, as were her kids. The oldest, Jackson, was just as social as his mother, all but demanding that Leah play dinosaurs with him. Monica tried to tell her she didn’t have to, but Leah assured her it was fine. It reminded her of Sam in a way. At one point Monica ushered both kids out to play in the backyard and the two women started swapping stories.
“You know,” Leah said as she put her cup down. “There used to be this halfwall thing right about here,” she pointed to space next to her. It was sort of where the livingroom and diningroom mended together. “There was a wall here and I think it was supposed to be a door leading into the diningroom at one point, but, like, half the wall and the door was gone so there was like a whole wall going down that side and for some reason a halfwall was left on this side,” Leah explained as she pointed at where she remembered the walls once stood. When Leah had lived there there were so many quirks and things she found strange. The halfwall was definitely one of them. Her mother had used it as storagespace for vases and pictures and stuff, which as an afterthought was a terrible idea since people would always scuff into it and break whatever was on there.
“You’re kidding?” Monica laughed as she looked behind herself at where Leah was pointing. She was probably trying to imagine it. “I just can’t see it.”
“Yeah, it was just weird as hell,” Leah laughed and went on to explain what else looked different. Apparently, the Rogers had done most of the renovations so Monica didn’t seem to recognize half the things Leah was telling her about. Monica said that neither her nor her husband were handy people, the only changes they’d made since they moved in was to paint a few walls and put up the garden outside. Monica had a passion for landscape and her kids did too, having their own little flowerbeds. She told Leah that her husband was in the army and was currently stationed overseas. Monica herself was a kindergartenteacher and made a joke about how it was nice to have a conversation with a grownup for once.
Leah stayed for lunch when Monica insisted. She didn’t want to intrude, but Monica seemed really keen to have her there. In the end she bid her farewells after about three hours, feeling like she’d overstayed her welcome by a lot. She hadn’t gotten any calls from the BAU yet so she decided to enjoy the nice weather while she had the chance. She walked up and down the street a few times, even though it probably looked suspicious. She tried to figure out how many of her old neighbours still lived there. The lovely Norwegian family were gone, but she knew that since they’d moved around the same time as Sam went missing. The Walsh-family, if Leah remembered correctly they were from Ireland, had also moved on. So had to the two Mexican families. Judging by the name on the mailbox, the Campbells, originally from Canada, remained, although it didn’t seem like they were home. Mrs. Alvez was currently out watering some plants when Leah strolled past their house. She seemed to remember Leah and called her over for a chat.
The Alvezes had moved in around the time Leah’s mother got breastcancer and she remembered they had been really helpful, always bringing over pies or soup and God only knows what to make her feel better. Later, Mr. Alvez had also been very invested and helped a lot when Sam went missing, not that it changed anything, but he couldn’t be blamed for that. It was nice to know other people cared as well.
Mrs. Alvez had always been nice to Leah and she was now as well, asking how she was doing and what she was doing back there. Leah just simply told her she was in town, not wanting to open old wounds. Sam’s disappearance hadn’t just caused harm to her family, the whole local community had been invested. She briefly wondered if she should just tell the truth, but decided against it. There was no guarantee they’d actually find out what happened to Sam, even though she had a newrestored faith now.
The two of them chatted for probably closer to an hour, Leah telling her mostly about her rather boring life in D.C. and what it was like working as a nurse, now medic. In return Mrs. Alvez kept her up to speed about her own family, telling her very proudly about her son serving in the military - Leah remembered that he had enlisted, but didn’t know he actually served. Wow, it had been a while since she’d talked to the Alvezes, she realized - and that Luke had now gotten a job with the FBI. That had peeked Leah’s interest and she asked if he worked at Quantico. If she knew that an old acquaintance of hers lived fairly close to her, she could reach out and reconnect. She hadn’t exactly been friends with Luke, but they’d known each other. God, she needed more friends in D.C. Unfortunately, Mrs. Alvez told her that her son still lived and worked in New York, having found his own apartment not too far away from his parents. She told her that Luke had been struggling after he came home from Afghanistan, but he was doing much better now. Leah liked to hear that.
Leah didn’t stay too long, feeling that she was overstaying her welcome once more even though she was talking to Mrs. Alvez from the other side of the fence. The woman probably had other things to do. Mrs. Alvez seemed to be a realist because she didn’t ask Leah to stay in touch, just said that if she was to ever find herself in New York again that she should stop by. Leah could at least promise that much, but she had an itching feeling that once the BAU closed the case she’d never come back. She just couldn’t bear all this pain anymore. Sam was still gone after all, nothing could chaged that; not even getting to know what happened.
She spent the next few hours just wandering around aimlessly, not really knowing what to do with her time. It was a weird feeling, coming back to the place she’d once thought of as home. Right now it felt anything but. She briefly wondered how she at one point had been happy there. She’d had a somewhat normal childhood, however you want to classify ‘normal’ of course. She’d had friends, close friends who she thought she’d never lose, she’d had a family who, despite the dysfunctionality, used to love her. She’d had it all, but in the blink of an eye all that joy was suddenly gone. It seemed like such a long time since she’d really been happy that she actually wondered if she’d dreamed it all. She missed the good times, when she was 15-16 and thought she was on top of the world, before the universe decided to show her the finger and take the biggest dump on her possible.
The Bronx just didn’t feel like home anymore, no matter how much she tried to think about all the happy memories. Even the park a few blocks from her old house seemed grimer, less enjoyable, even with the sun bleeding down on her. The weather was nice, sure, but how could she enjoy it when her mind was in such a dark place?
She didn’t know for how long she wandered her old neighbourhood, but it was probably a while. By her estimate it was well into the early afternoon when her phone started ringing. She felt the pit of anxiety growing in her stomach as she pulled it out from her pocket. The number was one she hadn’t saved so she could only assume it was someone from Spencer’s team or the police.
“Yeah, this is Leah Singer,” she answered after taking a few deep breaths to calm down, teeth digging into the sides of her cheek as a bad habit.
“Hi, Leah! This is J.J.,” the other blonde answered from the other side of the phone. “We… found some new information and we’d like you to come down to the station so we can discuss it and ask you some more questions. Is that okay or are you busy now?” It took her a while to process everything J.J. had said. It wasn’t really that hard, since there were no big words like the ones Spencer had a tendency to use and the sentences weren’t overly complicated, but her mind sort of malfunctioned after J.J. had said ‘new information’. She wondered what that could mean. She snapped out of the thoughts when J.J. called her name.
“Oh, uhm… Yeah, I’ll come down there right now,” she informed J.J. before ending the call, her feet already moving towards the exit of the park. Once she got to the precinct, she was quick to locate Spencer. He was out in the waiting area, talking to some random officer she’d never seen before and it was almost like he’d been waiting for her. Which he probably had been because he ended whatever conversation he was having right away and headed towards her when he noticed her.
“Hey, how are you?” He asked once he was right in front of her. She noticed this was the first time she actually didn’t like the way his eyes turned sympathetic and how his voice was so low and gentle, as if he was afraid of how she’d react. She honestly hated it. She knew he was only trying to make her feel better, but it just made her slightly agitated.
“I… feel like I should be in a better headspace than I am right now, but I think I’m okay,” she told him honestly, trying to push back any negative emotions. Spencer was too nice, he didn’t deserve her to lash out at him for anything that wasn’t his fault. He just nodded and reached out to touch her shoulder. She instinctively leaned a little into his touch, not being able to help it. His touch was always comforting.
“J.J.’s waiting for you. Do you want me to come with you?” He asked and there was something in his tone which suggested that whatever they were about to tell her wasn’t good news. It made her shudder. There wasn’t really much they could tell her that she wasn’t already prepared for. She’d expected the worst, but she assumed as with any other thing it’d be worse to get it confirmed.
“Do you want to come with me?” She questioned, biting her lip as she glanced up at him.
“Leah, I’ll always be there for you if you need me,” he told her so sincerely. And there were those words again. If you need me.
“Okay,” she nodded her head quickly.
“Okay,” he said back. He started leading her through the station all the way to an office in the back. It had been the same one where she’d spoken to Emily earlier that morning, so she took a seat on the couch while Spencer went to find J.J. The two of them returned not even a minute later, the blonde handing Leah that same blanket she’d borrowed on the plane. She laughed a little at that.
“How are you, Leah?” J.J. asked as she took a seat in one of the chairs. Spencer did as well, but it was obvious he wanted to sit next to Leah instead.
“I’m okay.” Her words felt rushed out and forced, but she was anxious to hear what they’d found out, not making small talk about her feelings. “What, uhm, did you find out?”
“Well, we’ve done a lot of digging and think that the person who took your brother also took at least seven other children,” J.J. told her and Leah could only nod. Seven children… Seven children suffering whatever fate Sam did. “We haven’t been able to find out who the unsub is yet, but we spoke to some of the families of the other children who went missing, just to hear their stories. One woman whose son went missing five years ago said that she was positive she saw her son from across the street a year later. Now, she said that it all happened very fast and when she turned around, they were gone. But she was positive she saw her son with an elderly woman and another boy and girl,” J.J. explained slowly and it was probably a good thing because it was hard for Leah to concentrate on all the information.
“Okay,” she said once J.J. gave her a look. “I’m good, you can continue.”
“She never got a good look at the woman who was with the kids, but about a year after that incident she saw the other boy at a convenience store. She tried to confront him, but he ran away before she could call the police. She did manage to snap a picture of him before he disappeared, though, and… It’s a little blurry, but I want you to take a look at it,” J.J. said as she handed a tablet to Leah. She looked at the picture for a moment and at first she couldn’t quite see it because it was indeed blurry and at an angle which captured more of the boy’s side profile than the rest of his features. But once she actually realized what she was looking at it all came crashing down on her.
“Leah?” Spencer asked. She was vaguely aware of him moving to sit beside her, his hand settling on her back.
“That’s Sammy,” she choked out, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as tears started welling up in her eyes. Because it was. Even with the poor quality and the fact that the boy in the photo was a teenager, there was no doubt in her mind that it was her brother. He’d aged, no doubt about that. She remembered so clearly what he had looked like when he was 8, but for some reason she’d never imagined what he’d look like as a teenager, or young adult for that matter. She’d always assumed he was dead so it was too painful to imagine anything else.
Spencer wrapped an arm around her shoulder and dragged her into his side. She went willingly, leaning to his warmth as all she could do was stare at the picture. She found herself tracing the features of his visible cheekbone and the nose which seemed to be an exact replica of hers. He’d been so young when he disappeared that it was still hard to tell exactly which features he’d inherit from his parents, but she could see now with no doubt that he was her brother.
She had no idea how long she was sitting there, but it was probably a while. J.J. had left at one point, which she hadn’t even registered, but Spencer still stayed close to her. He didn’t say anything, just kept hugging her as she cried silent tears and tried to process all of it.
“So, you think he’s alive?” She asked, her voice barely even registering in her own ears. Spencer hummed and shuffled around a little so they could be facing each other.
“We don’t know yet,” he told her. “We ran facialrecognition on the photo just to be sure, and yes, that is your brother. So, as of three years ago we know he was alive. But… Leah, a lot can happen in three years. You need to be prepared that he might be dead now.” Leah just chuckled darkly at that.
“I came out here thinking he’d been dead all along. I thought he died ten years ago,” she sniffed, new tears fighting their way out of her eyes. “And he’s been alive this whole time! If I’d just contacted the FBI three years ago he’d still be alive and now it might be too late!” She was sobbing again and Spencer tried to wipe her tears away before they could fall, but she was already a mess so why bother? In the end he probably realized how failed his attempts were, so he just pulled her more towards him until she was kind of curled up in his lap and against his chest with his arms locked tightly around her. He let her sob until she was completely empty inside and had nothing more to give and even then he still didn’t let her go. He just held her, lips and nose pressed to the crown of her head as he hummed a tuneless lullaby.
“You need to remember it’s not your fault,” Spencer whispered, his voice getting muffled by her hair. “I know you don’t believe that right now, but please just try not to think about it. We’re getting close, okay? We have leads and we will find the person who took him and you’ll get all the answers you want.” His words sort of fell to deaf ears, but Leah nodded against him anyway. She knew he probably was right, but she was too emotionally unavailable to even consider what he’d just told her.
“I blame myself,” she breathed out and Spencer hugged her tighter.
“I know you do, but it wasn’t your fault. Not a single person thinks this is your fault. I’m sure Sam never blamed you either,” he told her and she could only curl up even more. Her father had blamed her, her mother too towards the end. Leah certainly blamed herself, so how could she not be the one to blame? She decided it was best not to say anything else on the matter. “Are you tired? I still have some work I need to finish, but I’d like you to stay here at the station until I’m done. Is that okay? I don’t want you to be alone right now,” he told her.
“Can you just stay here with me for a moment longer?” She all but begged him. She couldn’t see his face, but she could feel the smile against her head.
“Anything you need,” he simply said and stayed for probably another half hour. They didn’t talk after that, just cuddling up on the couch and trying to bring each other some comfort. He was too good to her and she realized then that if she wasn’t a goner before, she sure was now. She liked him so much in a way she’d never liked anyone before. But it still wasn’t the right time to have that conversation and her emotions connected to Sam needed to be sorted out first. Still, it was good to think that maybe one day she and Spencer could have something more. After all the shit that had happened to her she deserved to be happy. Right? And Spencer sure as hell made her happier than she’d been in a long time.
Leah was allowed to stay in the office while Spencer finished up whatever work he had left. The rest of the team kept checking in on her and she was never alone for more than ten minutes at a time. At one point she probably spent about half an hour talking to Derek which really helped. He was the only one who didn’t sugarcoat it. There was no “I understand how hard it must be” bullshit. He was completely honest, but never bold or rude. He simply told her that no-one could really understand what she was going through, but that they were all there for her if she needed to talk. It was nice, having someone who didn’t give her bullshit excuses and told her half-truths they suspected would make her feel better. If anything, Derek’s honest words were what made her put her head in the right place.
As it drew closer to 8 P.M. Spencer still wasn’t finished, but J.J. and Emily entered the room and told her they’d be bringing her out for dinner. After a hard day like today, she could need a girls night out, they said. It turned out to just be a calm dinner at the hotel, but Emily said Leah could order drinks if she thought that would help. “We’re still technically on the clock, but we won’t tell if you wanna let your hair loose,” she’d said. Leah had laughed at that, but in the end she settled for a coke. She wasn’t in the mood for drinking, at least not heavily, and what was the point in a glass of wine or a beer to the food if she couldn’t even enjoy it?
Dinner helped and Emily and J.J. seemed to be experts at knowing exactly what she needed to talk about. They didn’t avoid her brother, but instead asked her about her fondest memories about him. She told them about when she was 16-17 and got stood up by her date for junior prom and how Sam had realized how sad she was. He’d gotten dressed up in his finest clothes, which was a dresshirt with a ketchupstain her mother had never been able to wash out, a pair of dresspants, bright orange sneakers and an adorable little bowtie which was crooked. He had laid out a long sentence about how her date was a dumbass (that word had earned him a scold from their mother) and how she deserved better. He had been rambling on and on and half the things he said didn’t even make any sense, but she loved how her younger brother was defending her honor. He said that he’d be her date and they went out to dinner at McDonald’s in their fine clothes. She never actually made it to prom, but judging by what her friends had told her she’d probably ended up having more fun than they did.
Leah had a ton of stories like that to share and it made her a little more at ease just thinking back to the good times now that she was in a better headspace. Even though Leah wasn’t particularly hungry, she did end up ordering dessert which was when the rest of the team came back to the hotel and joined them. Hotch just checked in before retiring for the night as the rest of the men ordered dinner while the girls finished their desserts. The conversation was still light and it made her wonder how they did it. They saw horror like this almost every single day, yet they were able to keep their moods up, joke and just have a good time. Leah felt like she was on the verge of tears the entire time, granted she was more personally invested than anyone on the team, but still. How could they not be affected in the slightest about what happened around them?
J.J. retired first, claiming she had to call and say good night to her son before it got too late. She expected Emily to follow soon after, but she seemed adamant to not leave Leah there alone, not that she was alone though, with Spencer, Derek and David. But Leah felt tired and wanted nothing more than to go to bed so as soon as she noticed that Spencer had finished his food, she gave him a pleading look. He seemed to catch on and bid the rest of the group a good night before leading her towards the elevator. She didn’t even need to say anything, because he seemed to know exactly what she needed and led her to his room after asking if she needed anything from hers. She didn’t because most of her stuff was either on her person or in her purse. Spencer didn’t say a lot, which she was grateful for. He handed her one of his shirts to change in and let her use the bathroom first. When she finished and it was his turn, she noticed that he’d found a bunch of spare pillows which he’d put on the middle of the bed. It made her smile to know that he remembered such a small thing. She grabbed the pile of them and curled up under the covers as she waited for Spencer to finish whatever he was doing. When he did, he wasted no time climbing under the covers and wrapping an arm around her waist so he could pull her closer.
“Is this okay?” He whispered against her hair. Leah nodded carefully so she wouldn’t accidentally bump her head into his nose. Still, she tried to snuggle back against him even more and she wasn’t fully content until every inch of his front was covering her back and his arm was secure enough around her middle that she couldn’t possibly escape even if she wanted to. And that’s when she felt that she was finally able to relax fully.
“This is okay,” she repeated the words she’d uttered that time Spencer had slept over at her place. It just felt fitting, like another one of their things. Sleep didn’t come easy that night, but at least she felt safe.
Just a small list of everything from the fic that’s worth noticing so far. This list will be updated with each chapter I’m publishing, so...
SPOILER ALLERT!
Story takes place in spring of 2012 (mid-season 7) and will follow the show chronologically. I’ve just sort of made up some cases for the BAU to work on just so that it fits with the story I’m planning on telling, but I’m also going to follow the basic structure of the show. I’ve planned the events all the way up to season 14-15 so this is going to be loooooooong!
Each chapter will have the POV of one character. It shifts occationally, but it’s typically going to be either from Leah or Spencer’s view. A few chapter might be written from other character’s view as well if I feel like it would benefit the story. An example is Chapter 3 where Emily tells the story just because it felt natural to have an outside view on Leah and Spencer’s early relationship.
This story is also going to be a mess of details and characters, so I’ve made a quickguide here for you if you don’t remember it all. Some of the characters you’ll encounter early in the story will have an impact later on, or they’ll be mentioned in some sort of setting. Just because you think you’re done with a character, that won’t always be the case! So, keep that in mind when you read.
Key characters:
Leah Singer Clarewater - She doesn’t like to use her father’s lastname so keep in mind that she’ll be reffered to as both Clarewater and Singer throughout the story depending on the person who adresses her.
She’s the loveinterest for Spencer, works as a nurse at a hospital in Washington D.C. at the start of the fic, but eventually upgrades her position to a medic. She has an enstranged relationship with her parents and her brother went missing when she was 18, ten years before this story takes place.
I’ve depicted her as kinda a weirdo, but not over the top. She’s short, 5’2” with blonde hair. She’s originally from the Bronx, New York, but moved to Washington D.C. after she finished her nursingeducation.
She’s also addicted to coffee and likes to snuggle up in blankets. She also mentioned that she used to be addicted to sex, which will have a minor impact on her relationship with Spencer in later parts.
Sam Clarewater - Leah’s younger brother. He went missing in 2002 when he was 8 years old. Leah was with him when it happened and carries a lot of guild about the fact.
Leah and Sam’s parents (names haven’t been mentioned so far) - Mother suffered breastcancer when Leah was a little girl, and relapsed when she was a teenager. Passed away due to a braintumour about a year after Sam’s disappearance.
Father worked as a lawyer, but quit his job when his wife got cancer for the second time. His relationship with Leah had always been estranged and since the mother died the two hadn’t stayed in touch. He moved from New York as well, but Leah doesn’t know where since she never talks to him.
Sophie Miller - Leah’s intern at the start of this story. She appears really shy and is afraid of making mistakes. Leah also describes her as kind of sloppy in her work, but that she has potential. She turns out to be one of the unsubs who shoots Spencer and lands him in the hospital.
Edgar Demtry - The other unsub. He and Sophie works as a pair where he’s the dominant one (opposite to what the BAU first thought since they assumed the female would be dominant). Leah was initially thought to be one of the unsubs, but the theory was cast aside when Demtry attacked her on her way home from work.
He used to be Sophie’s teacher and the two had a sort of relationship. He manipulated Sophie into doing his dirty work, but he was in charge of the operation.
Story summary: The BAU investigates Leah’s brother’s dissapearence. Will she get the answers she’s been seeking? And how will her life and relationship with Spencer change?
Chapter summary: Leah has a mental breakdown and pounds on Spencer’s door in the middle of the night. He’s all too eager to help her.
Warnings: Angst and swearing, but come on! If you’ve already read this far into this story you know that’s comes with almost every chapter. Gonna stop warning for those unless it’s something specific!
Wordcount: 14,9 k woops!
A/N: This is kinda of the second part of Falling, fallen. I’ve decided to split this whole story into different parts since it’s gonna be so long. Think of it as one book for each minor event (the hospital-storyline being one and this case being one) that happens which all makes up a franchice, but in order not to make it overly complicated I’ll publish it all under the same story. Hope you enjoy!
Leah froze in her tracks, one hand gripping her small key which was still in the lock, the other one holding onto her mail. Her eyes glanced over the first letter, recognizing the handwriting instantly. So, it was really May 30th already. It’s not like she had forgotten or anything, the past few weeks she’d spent on edge, just waiting for the letter to arrive. Of course she hadn’t forgotten, it just still shocked her to see it.
“You okay there?” A voice sounded behind Leah, startling her. She turned around to see one of her neighbors standing there. She’d seen him around plenty of times, but hadn’t ever had a real conversation with him other than exchanging pleasantries. In fact, she hardly knew anyone in her building by name.
“Oh, yeah,” she tried to act nonchalantly as she stuffed the mail into her bag. “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” She offered him a quick smile over her shoulder before closing up her mailbox and headed out the door without another word, not in the mood to be stuck in a conversation. She drew her jacket closer around her body as she went for her car. It wasn’t overly cold despite being so late at night, but she felt like all her blood had drained from her body. She didn’t even feel alive as she drove to the hospital, ready for another uneventful nightshift.
During her mandatory three week leave from work after the incident with her intern, Leah had spent a lot of time with Spencer. She hadn’t actually seen him before almost two weeks had passed since she was released from the hospital, but after the night he had spent at her apartment they made it sort of a habit to meet at the library. They’d meet up every day at 6 P.M. and just read together in silence. Sometimes Spencer would read out loud to her or they’d simply talk. After they both returned to work they met up less frequently, but they tried to make it a habit of at least three times a week. She really liked spending time with him, but she was also scared she might have started to catch feelings a little too soon, so she never asked him to spend the night again. He didn’t seem to mind, being the wonderful person he was he never pressed her for more.
During one of their conversations Leah had mentioned that she might want to switch her job. She had all these extra courses and she had done the research; she’d just have to send in an application and she’d be certified as a medic. With all her extra education and more than enough hours of working in the ER she didn’t really need anything else but to fill out some paperwork. She had asked him for his opinion and he’d given her his input on the matter, but also telling her that ultimately she should just do what makes her happy. Leah had pondered on that for a few days before she went back to work to have a conversation with her boss before she was allowed to return to duty. She’d brought the matter up with her as well. Her boss only told her that they would be sad to let her go and if she wanted to, she could always remain part of the staff as a hospital medic. Hospital medics were far from common, but not necessarily unheard of.
She had decided then that she wanted to give it a try. Her job wouldn’t waver that much from her usual tasks. She did far more than other nurses did anyway, since she had all this extra training and education. So, why not give it a try? It would give her a raise and her boss had assured her she could always get her position as a nurse back if she ever wanted it. That had been good to hear, because apparently she had made more of an impact than she’d assumed.
The first week back at work she’d spend getting to know the routines of her new position and getting to know the different people on the teams she’d be working closely with. It also meant she’d be working more with Dr. Ruiz and they were both ecstatic about that. When her paperwork was filed and finished, she started for real. So far she’d been working for three weeks as a medic and she loved it. She loved the rush she’d feel whenever a patient got rushed into the ER, she loved being able to check on them later, she loved having time in between each case to sit down and take it all in. She’d gotten better at relaxing lately; trying to handle her feelings instead of pushing them down. And this new position gave her just that. But right now she dreaded going to work. The letter was practically keeping her on edge, all but burning holes in her bag, taunting her. But she forced herself to ignore it for now.
She got to work about ten minutes before her shift started, had changed her clothes and was ready with a cup of coffee in her hand five minutes after that. She started off her shift by checking charts and setting up a plan for everything she’d do that night. It was a nightshift again, which meant that there wasn’t much to do except wait for an emergency to rush in or a cardiac arrest to occur. She also asked the nurses what they needed help with, just so she’d have something to do.
The first few hours on call went by pretty quick. They had a stab victim rushed in a little past midnight, but other than that Leah didn’t do much besides wait for something to happen.
“Thought I might find you here,” Dr. Ruiz smiled as he walked into the breakroom by the OR just after three in the morning. He’d been posted at Post Op. that night, she knew since he’d told her the last time they’d work together. “Wanna get something to eat?” He asked. Since they’d worked more closely now that Leah was a medic, they had spent almost all of their breaks together. She assumed part of it was because he wanted to make sure that she was actually okay after everything that had happened almost a month and a half ago. And she was. She really was for the most part. She’d sort of tried to work through the worst of it and the rest she’d push so deep down it couldn’t bother her anytime soon. It was far from healthy, but believe it or not; all of this was an improvement for Leah. Now it was something completely different that was bothering her.
“Sure,” Leah put on her best smile, not wanting Dr. Ruiz to ask what was on her mind. He opened the fridge and handed her her lunchbox as he grabbed his own. That was actually one of the best perks of her new position; she belonged to the trauma unit which meant she shared this enormous breakroom with the other staff from the ER and OR units. The ICU didn’t have a breakroom, they had this tiny little office, but they often spent their breaks in the cafeteria, which was always too noisy to actually disconnect from everything or outside the hospital ground, but that would cut their break short since it’d take a while just to travel to wherever they would go. Not that Leah minded all that much since she hardly took her breaks that serious anyway, but it was nice to have a real breakroom for once.
“How come you never call me Carlos?” Dr. Ruiz asked as they ate. Leah paused and glanced over at him, raising her eyebrow at him.
“Do you want me to call you Carlos?” She countered back. He shrugged.
“I’d like to think we’re friends.” Leah pondered over that fora moment. She didn’t exactly regard him as a friend. He was more of a close colleague. But then again she didn’t exactly have any friends. She had Spencer, but she had no idea what he even was to her. Dr. Ruiz, though… He’d been to her apartment plenty of times, mostly to pick her up for work or drop her off, and they’d gone out for the occasional drink or two every once in a while. He might actually be the closest thing to a friend she had at the moment.
“I’d like to think so as well,” she finally nodded. “I mean, you’re my work hubby so we kinda have to be friends.” She laughed and he gave her this priceless look.
“‘Work hubby’? Really?” He narrowed his eyes at her, leaning a little closer. Leah laughed again.
“You call me your work wife. That makes you my work hubby,” she grinned as she patted the back of his hand teasingly. He groaned.
“Call me your husband, sure, just… never say ‘hubby’ again. Please.” That just made Leah grin wider.
“Fine.” She lifted her hands in surrender. She stuffed some more food into her mouth before lifting her fork to point at him. “For the record; I’ve known you for, what, three years now is it? It’d just be weird to suddenly call you Carlos,” she scoffed. “Sorry, but you’re gonna have to accept you’ll always be Ruiz to me.”
“Fine,” he huffed. “But since we’re now officially friends now after being married for three years,” he joked, making Leah laugh. “Does that mean we can gossip now?” Ruiz, she guessed she could drop the formalities of doctor now, smirked.
“I feel like I’m gonna regret this,” Leah groaned, but didn’t make any indication she wouldn’t be part of this conversation either. She wasn’t exactly fond of gossip, but every now and then she’d feel herself drawn to the conversation if anything interesting came up. Luckily, she didn’t have to since she was quite literally saved by the bell as her pager started beeping. “Next time,” she promised him when she saw that it was a cardiac arrest. She shot to her feet, leaving her food at the table before running out the door and up the flight of stairs to the correct unit. When she got to the room, she all but pushed the two nurses out of the way, barking out orders as she assessed the damage.
This case wasn’t all that bad, she was able to shock his heartbeat back and have the patient stable again in under ten minutes. A doctor who had also gotten the call came in under two minutes after Leah did, but turned on his heel once he realized that she had it handled. She liked these types of cardiac arrests the most since it meant the patient would have a good prognosis. She’d had a few cases before, even before she became a medic, where they’d spend closer to half an hour of CPR and defibrillator before the patient's heart finally would start beating on its own again. Those cases almost always ended badly, either from lack of oxygen to the brain or simply because the heart was too weak. This, however, turned out to be a good case and she suspected after looking at his vitals once he was stable that he would pull through.
Returning to the breakroom, she found it empty again. Her food was still at the table where she had left it, but Ruiz had been nice enough to put the lid on before he’d left. Finishing up the rest of her food, she checked her pager for anything else just in case she’d missed something. There was nothing and she debated whether or not she should read her letter. There wasn’t exactly anything to do around this time of night, so she might as well just get it over with.
Sighing, Leah grabbed her bag from the chair beside her and dug through the various papers in there. She pulled them all out, just to see if there was anything more pressing in there, but there wasn’t. Rubbing her forehead, she felt exhausted all of a sudden, drained of essentially everything.
“Fuck this,” she muttered to herself, tearing at the corner of the letter, careful not to ruin the envelope too much. The piece of paper inside was just a blank sheet of paper, same as the others she’d received, with a few words scribbled on it. It never made much sense to her, what stood in the letters. It was always some religious crap, some quotes from the Bible which made no sense to her. Nothing really stood out this time either, except for perhaps that the handwriting was messy. Usually the letters she’d received were written in neat lettering, like the one on the envelope. This was certainly different. Maybe different enough to take it to the police again.
“Oh, hi, Leah!” A way too cheerful voice sounded from the door. Leah just hummed at whoever it was, not doing anything to acknowledge them. She just read the words over and over. “Are you okay there? You look a little… pale?” That voice was a little uncertain now, but somehow at the same time sweet enough to make something in Leah’s stomach turn. How could someone be so happy when the world was such a shitty place? Leah lifted her head to look at one of the nurses she’d gotten to know pretty well after switching occupations. Her name was Sarah.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She was lying and it was obvious. Sarah didn’t seem convinced.
“Are you sure? Do you need to go home?”
“No, I’m…” Leah paused for a moment as she thought about what to do. Could she take this letter to Spencer? “Actually… I think I do need to go home,” she said, shaking her head a little as if that would somehow clear her mind.
“Sure,” Sarah smiled gently. “Just go. It’s a nightshift so it’s pretty quiet. We’ve got it covered,” she told her. Leah just nodded for another moment, chewing on the insides of her cheeks as she wondered what she was going to do. She had to get out of there anyway, she couldn’t possibly work when her mind was fully focused on that damned letter.
Quite frankly, she had no idea how she ended up outside of Spencer’s apartment. She vaguely remembered going to the lockerrooms and getting changed, but after that everything seemed to get blank. She could’ve hit a person with her car on the way and she wouldn’t have remembered. And it was actually a really bad idea because she had no idea what she was even doing, what Spencer could actually do with this. But him being the wonderful person he is would probably be able to calm her down enough so that she could think straight. That still didn’t make it fair of her to pound on his door at 4 A.M. when he probably needed to get up early for work. Work, which Leah had just left because it had finally snapped for her. She’d gone mental in that moment, she was vaguely aware of that fact.
When the door finally swung open Leah didn’t even waste a second on a greeting, she just barged through the door, afraid he’d close it in her face once he’d realize she was crazy. She turned to look at him once she was a few feet inside his apartment and he wouldn’t have another choice but to listen to her before he would have the chance to kick her out. Spencer just looked at her, a little confused, still rubbing the sleep out of his eye with one hand while the other one was still resting on the doorknob.
“Leah?” He just asked, probably not fully awake just yet.
“I’m so sorry for just showing up here in the middle of the night,” she started rambling, her hand still clutching the letter, wrinkling the paper. “And I realize you probably wonder what the hell I’m doing here or how I even found out where you live, because no, you never told me, but your address is in your medical file. And before you ask, no I didn’t access your medical file like some creep just to find out where you live, because that would be totally illegal and-” she got cut off from her rambling when Spencer’s arms suddenly wrapped themselves around her. She froze up at that, not even having noticed that he’d moved closer. But it didn’t take her long to return the hug, pressing her face into his chest as she clung to him like he was the only thing keeping her grounded.
“Tea?” Was all he asked, leaning back a little. His hands settled on the sides of her neck, his thumbs stroking gently over her cheekbones in a calming manner.
“Coffee,” she answered and he just nodded, probably understanding that she was on the verge of completely losing it and wasn’t in the mood for him commenting on her coffeehabits. Leah stepped out of his embrace, moving over to his couch. She settled down, not having the mental capacity to even take in his place. She’d never been to his apartment before, but she wasn’t even remotely interested in what kind of interior he had or how he decorated. She just sat there quietly on the couch, staring rather blankly at the forestgreen wall - she was able to notice the color - fingers curling into the paper in her hand.
After a few minutes or so Spencer returned, carefully handing her a cup of steaming black coffee. He surprised her by draping a blanket over her shoulders. It didn’t do much, but the gesture was appreciated. Leah let the letter fall into her lap in favour of wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, lifting her eyes to glance at Spencer who had sat down next to her on the couch, but at a respectable distance. She wasn’t certain if that was supposed to make her feel better or worse. He was sitting with his feet popped up on the cushion, crossed at the ankles and with his arms wrapped around his knees. He was facing her and giving her all his attention, but he was too close to her and at the same too far away.
“You can tell me what happened if you want,” Spencer whispered, leaning a little into the back of the couch. Leah wrapped both her hands around her mug and she noticed they were shaking. She tried to tighten her grip, but that only made it worse.
“I, uhm… I had a brother,” she forced out, glancing over at Spencer for only half a second or so before turning back to look at the foam bubbles in her coffee. They spread around the rim of the mug, one of them popping every few seconds. It was sort of terapeutic to watch. “He went missing ten years ago and every year on the day the anniversary I get this stupid letter in the mail.” She sniffed even though she was crying. She wasn’t even close to crying, she felt completely numb in that moment. She picked up the letter and threw it Spencer’s way so he could take a look if he wanted to.
“And you think your brother sends you these?” Spencer asked after taking a few seconds to look at the note and contemplate what she had just told him.
“God, no,” Leah scoffed. “He was eight… when he disappeared. I don’t think he just… ran away. Someone took him, but the police had no leads and the case went cold.” Leah shrugged sadly.
“Do you think the person who took your brother is sending these?” Leah could see Spencer nod his head slowly out of the corner of her eyes. Even though she wasn’t looking directly at him, she could still tell that his brain was running wild, probably thinking about every possible scenario of what could’ve happened.
“I don’t know,” Leah shrugged. “At first we just thought it might be someone we knew who was just messing with us, you know? A cruel joke or something. But a few years ago I got in touch with this woman who said her daughter went missing and she received letters as well,” she told him. That seemed to peak Spencer’s interest.
“Did you tell the police that?” He asked and she shrugged. She told him everything, about how the police closed the case six months after Sam went missing since they had nothing to go on. Her parents spent every dollar they had saved up to hire a private investigator which gave no results. Her father was a lawyer and worked closely with the police before he had retired early, a year before Sam disappeared. He pulled in some favours. A year went by and nothing happened before the letter came in their mail. They took it to the police, who opened the case again only to close it a few weeks later since the letter didn’t really have any evidence on it. For the next four years they would turn in the letters they’d receive, but it never led any way. Five years after Sam had gone missing, the police chief told Leah that she should come in if there’s any new evidence. Letters that no one could trace, or even connect to Sam’s disappearance with 100% certainty, was a waste of their resources. Spencer had been furious when she told him that last part, telling her that it was poor policework. She could tell he was getting agitated, so she placed a hand on one of his.
“They did what they could,” she assured him, even though she didn’t believe that herself. Spencer just gave her this sad look, as if he couldn’t possibly imagine her pain.
“Is this okay?” He asked as he wrapped his hand around her wrist, his fingers gently tracing random patterns on her palm. She could only watch him for a moment before she decided she could really need a hug or just some closeness. So, she withdrew her hand and leaned forward to place her mug on his table. Turning to look at him he seemed to understand. He unwrapped his arms and spread his legs, gesturing for her to come closer. She snuggled in between his long legs, laying down on top of him with her shoulder underneath his armpit and her head on his chest. Her hand fisted into the fabric of his pajamashirt and he wrapped the blanket tighter around them, his hands coming down to stroke every part of her he could reach, respectfully of course.
“This is okay,” she mumbled once she was settled. She was still a little on edge, but she liked being in his arms. She felt safe, like nothing bad in the world could possibly harm her.
“Where did you meet that other woman?” Spencer asked after a while. His voice was rumbling in his chest and Leah sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. Her mind was on high alert so she couldn’t possibly fall asleep anytime soon, but it felt nice to just close them for a few seconds.
“This, uhm, supportgroup online.” She told him how she had drifted away from her father after Sam went missing, leaving out the worst parts, just telling him they didn’t stay in contact. And that after she relocated to D.C. the letters still arrived at her new address. Spencer had commented on that, that he thought it was weird for the letters to follow her. He had hugged her a little tighter at that. He let her continue to tell him about how one day she’d found this supportgroup for parents whose children had gone missing. Leah wasn’t technically a parent, but her mother was dead and her father seemed to have given up, so she had assumed she was the closest thing Sam had to a living family. There she had gotten in touch with a woman whose daughter went missing in 2006. She had also gotten letters similar to the ones Leah had received, just a simple Bible-quote. This woman had gotten the first letter the day after her daughter disappeared, though, but for the next two years she received one letter on the anniversary, just like Leah had. After 2008 the letters seemed to stop coming.
Leah had urged the woman to go to the police and tell them she wasn’t the only one. She had gotten the same treatment as Leah had, but they both thought that if the authorities were made aware that it wasn’t a single incident, then perhaps they would open the cases again. And they had, but their investigation still led nowhere. After that Leah had mostly given up, getting so tired of getting her hope up that they might finally find out what happened to Sam, only for that hope to be crushed. She still kept all the letters she’d gotten and other evidence from the case, but she had stopped trying to contact the police since they obviously couldn’t do much. And she understood them to a degree. There hadn’t been any witnesses to what happened to Sam, no one had seen anything. And there was no evidence on the letters. There was essentially nothing to go on, which made it so much harder for Leah to handle.
“Why don’t you come with me to work today?” Spencer asked, his voice hushed and it sort of disappeared into her hair.
“Why?” She asked, snuggling a little closer to his neck.
“We can talk to Hotch,” he started. “See if this is something we can investigate,” he told her. Leah lifted her head a little at that.
“You’d do that for me?” Her voice barely came out a whisper. His eyes softened so much as he brought a hand forward to push the hair out her eyes.
“Leah, your brother’s been missing for ten years. You deserve to find out what happened, get some peace.” His eyes held nothing but sincerity. Leah let out a shaky breath as she nodded slowly. Spencer gave her this sad little smile, but it made her feel better. He left her on the couch then, telling her he was just going to grab his phone so he could shoot his boss a text to give him a heads up that they wanted to talk to him. When he returned he found a large ziplock bag from his kitchen and placed the letter into it. Leah also handed him the envelope which had been stuffed into her bag again.
They settled down on the couch again, Leah leaning her back against his chest as his arms were wrapped around her. They didn’t really talk, just sat there in silence as Leah slowly finished her coffee. It was turning cold so this just might be the longest she’d ever taken to finish a cup. Once the clock started getting closer to 5 A.M. Spencer went to his bedroom to get ready. Typically, if they didn’t have any active cases, they’d start their day at 8, but he told her his boss was always in two hours before everyone else.
Fifteen minutes later Spencer returned wearing a pair of black pants, a dark purple dressshirt with a grey sweatervest and tie to top it all off. The look was a little over the top, but it suited him so well. His hair was a little more manageable and he smelled of some sort of aftershave or cologne which had an oddly minty scent to it. The entirety of his appearance screamed Spencer.
“I was thinking we could stop by your apartment on the way,” he told her as he went for the front door to put on a pair of grey Converse. “Get the rest of the letters and if you wanna change or something.” Leah nodded as she stood up from the couch.
“Okay,” she tried to smile, but her nerves made it hard to give him a genuine reaction. She put on her own sneakers and secured her bag over her shoulder as Spencer grabbed his own.
“Did you take your car here?” He asked, stopping just shy of the door. Leah nodded, digging through her pocket for the keys. “We can take yours then. Do you want me to drive?” Again she nodded her head. She was in no condition to drive in her current state. Spencer led her out the door, locking it behind himself, and down the stairs. His apartment was located on the fourth floor and there was no elevator. That must suck, she thought to herself.
“Thank you, by the way.” Leah turned to look at him as they slowly made their way down the stairs.
“Really, there’s no need.” He shrugged. Leah bit her lips, deciding to just be bold and reach for his hand. He looked startled for a moment, stopping in his tracks as his eyes darted from hers to their hands and back again. Then, slowly a grin spread across his face and he interlaced their fingers as he tugged her along again. “Do you want to stop somewhere for breakfast on the way?” Spencer asked once they made it outside into the fresh morning air.
“Not-” Leah was about to reply that she wasn’t all that hungry when her eyes fell onto the small piece of paper which was tucked under one of the windowwipers of her car. “Oh, come on!” She yelled, yanking her hand out of Spencer’s as she sprinted over to her car. She grabbed the parking ticket, noticing that soon she’d be sixty bucks poorer. “This is just bullshit!” She mumbled to herself. Spencer made his way over to her, his hands tucked into his pockets as he rocked awkwardly on the heels of his feet.
“Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. His eyes were cast up at the ‘No Parking’-sign which was just litterary right next to her car. She should’ve seen that before parking her car, but as delirious as she had been a few hours ago it wasn’t really all that surprising that she hadn’t. Leah could only chuckle pathetically at that, rubbing her forehead with both her palms.
“This is just so fucking great.” Leah shook her head, having no idea if she wanted to laugh or cry. “I mean, it’s my own fault, but this day just keeps getting better and better, huh?” She said sarcastically as she turned to look at Spencer. He tried to offer her a small smile, but it was obvious that he had no idea what to do in that situation.
“Sorry,” he offered again.
“It’s fine,” Leah assured him. A parking ticket wasn’t the end of the world, after all. It just felt like the universe somehow knew how horrible her day had been and it wanted to spit on her even more… And it wasn’t even six in the morning yet. “It’s fine, let’s just go,” she told him, tucking the ticket into the pocket of her jacket, reminding herself she’d have to pay that at some point, before unlocking her car and climbing into the passenger’s seat. She handed the keys to Spencer who got into the driver’s seat.
He started off by adjusting the seat, which probably took him a whole two minutes since he was a lot longer than her. When he had everything adjusted correctly, he started fumbling around, probably to figure out how to turn on the car. Leah could only watch him in amusement, suddenly feeling a little better.
“Come on!” She laughed eventually. “You have, like, three PhDs.”
“Yeah, and none of them are for driving cars,” he told her a little sourly, but there was a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
“It’s on the other side,” she told him, guestering towards the window. Her car was actually fairly new, it had that sort of ignition thing where you press a button to start the car, but for some reason that startbutton was on the left side of the steering wheel. It had bothered her the first few weeks, since all the cars she had driven before always had the ignition on the right side of the steering wheel.
“What the hell kind of crap is this?” Spencer laughed and that was probably the first time she’d heard him say anything remotely close to a swearword. It made her smile.
“I actually hate it,” she told him as he finally was able to locate the button and start her car. It roared a few times, as if her battery was running flat, before the rumbling smoothened.
“Why? It’s nice,” he noted. Leah took a moment to really take in the appearance of the car, something she hadn’t ever actually done before. It was slick and clean, but it didn’t exactly have much extra luxury. It was a Subaru after all, and they only had two types of models; the simpler ones and the luxury models which were still far from luxurious compared to other brands of cars. Her car was of the simpler models which meant fabric seats and a lot of plastic on the dashboard, but she guessed it could still be considered as ‘nice’.
“I don’t like the gearing,” she told him as he slowly drove out of the parking space. “It’s crap, really. I mean, it’s an automatic, but sometimes it just doesn’t react even if I floor the gas. Sometimes I have to shift it manually,” she explained, guestering to the lever in the center of the car. It had a small plus and minus to the left side of Drive, which allowed her to shift gears manually if need be. And she had needed that many times. There had been times, like if she was going to pass another car on the highway, where she had shifted files, floored the gaspedal to pass and the car would almost go slower. It would just take a few seconds before the gear actually shifted and it would give her the momentum she’d need. It was actually pretty dangerous, but she was used to it by now.
“Maybe your gearbox is broken,” Spencer hummed as he navigated the small traffic.
“I’ve had it to service plenty of times and they just say it’s supposed to be like that. They said that I could exchange it for a newer model, though. The one that came out this year apparently has a new type of gearbox which is a lot better,” she told him.
“Yeah, of course,” Spencer scoffed. “That’s just a sales trick.” Leah laughed.
“I checked it out and even took one of the newer models out for a ride. I tried the Outback, though, because last year’s Outback-model has that new gearbox and it was really surprisingly smooth to drive,” Leah hummed a little dreamily. She had taken the car for a testdrive just because why not and it had been heaven and hell compared to her own. She was actually a little in love with it, but she hadn’t actually seriously thought about buying it.
“But you didn’t buy it?” Spencer asked, even though the answer was obvious.
“Nope,” she responded. “Why would I buy a new car for fifty grand when the one I have works just fine. I mean, I hate this piece of crap and there’s a reason I got it so cheap since the previous owner probably hated it even more than I do and wanted to get rid of it… But so far you’ve served me well, my friend,” she explained, leaning forward to stoke over the dashboard. “You’re still a piece of crap, though,” she whispered, as if it was a secret that only could be shared between her and her car.
“I see,” Spencer laughed. “You have a toxic relationship with your car. That’s a new one.” Leah just offered him a grin. She felt a lot better now compared to just half an hour ago. The car came to an abrupt stop in front of a red light and Spencer offered her an apologetic look.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“That’s actually another thing I hate about it; the breaks are crap too. They’re way too harsh and jerky,” she laughed. She knew that this wasn’t exactly Spencer’s fault. He had driven her home from the library a few times, using his own car, and was a surprisingly good driver. He never went over the speed limit and he drove like an old grandma, sure, but he was very smooth in transitions between driving and stopping. It was just her car which would take a while to get used to.
They made it to her apartment in about ten minutes and Spencer expertally parked by the curbe. He followed her inside and she headed straight for her bookcase, grabbing the box where she kept all the evidence in her brother’s case. She handed it to him, telling him he was welcome to go through it if he wanted to. She changed her clothes quickly, opting for a simple pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt with a jeanjacket thrown over it. She also decided to brush her teeth and fix her hair a little so it didn’t look like a bird’s nest. After she was done, she headed back into the living room where Spencer was hunched over her kitchencounter with the various contents of the box was emptied out.
“Do you need another moment?” She asked. Spencer lifted his eyes.
“No, it’s fine. I can take a closer look at it at the office,” he told her with a smile as he gathered everything and dumped it back into the box. She grimaced a little at that. She had never been particularly organized, but when it came to anything involving Sam and the case she was always thorough, labeling everything and putting them away in order of dates. It was ridiculous to get upset over such a small detail since she knew Spencer would have to go through it again anyway if they were going to help her.
The next hour or so was spent in the car. The drive out to Quantico was a lot longer than she’d imagined and the traffic which started to thicken around 6:15 A.M. didn’t help either. Leah was a little on edge when she had gotten back into her car, but Spencer tried to assure her that she had nothing to worry about. He prepared for what might happen when they got to his job. He told her that it wasn’t certain his team would take the case, but if they didn’t then he’d make sure another unit of the FBI would. And they would investigate thoroughly and not just give up because of lack of evidence. That calmed Leah’s nerves a little, knowing Spencer was in her corner even if he wasn’t personally invested in her brother’s case.
Spencer parked her car in the garage, hanging up a sign in her mirror which he got out of his bag. Actually getting into the building was a mess; full on metaldetectors and security checks. She had to sign her name in at least three different logs and was handed a visitor's badge before being allowed to follow Spencer towards the elevators. He showed the way, giving her a quick tour of what he called ‘the bullpen’ when they reached his floor. It was just a large room with lots of desks and he headed over to the one she assumed was his own. He put his bag down in the chair, grabbing a key to open the filing cabinet which was connected to the desk. He grabbed some files from his bag and stuffed them into the drawer before locking it up again.
“You ready?” He asked, turning around to face her. His hands came up to squeeze her arms reassuringly. Leah licked her lips as she nodded slowly. He offered her a small smile before telling her to follow him. He led her up a small flight of stairs which led to a sort of half level over where his desk was located. He went over to one of the many offices and knocked on the door. The blinds were shut, so Leah couldn’t see much. She didn’t hear if there was a reply from the other side of the door either, but Spencer swung it open anyway. He poked his head inside and Leah just stayed behind him, waiting for permission to enter.
“Reid, come in.” She could barely hear the voice and even though it sounded calm, she could still hear that the man held a lot of authority. She didn’t remember who Spencer’s boss was. The minor events at the hospital was kind of a blur so she couldn’t connect names to Spencer’s colleagues other than Emily - she had already forgotten her last name - and Agent Jareau whose first name was stuck somewhere in the back of her mind.
Spencer went in first, looking over his shoulder and offering Leah a small smile as she followed him. She tried not to fiddle with her hands or look overly uncomfortable, but it was hard. Not only was she just about to ask a complete stranger to help her find out what happened to her brother, she was about to ask one of Spencer’s coworkers, who, might she add, at some point not so long ago thought she was actually a murderer.
“Hotch, this is-”
“Miss Clarewater, come in and have a seat,” Spencer’s boss cut him off and extended a hand towards one of the chairs on the other side of his desk. Leah nervously licked her lips as she took a seat.
“Actually, it’s just Singer,” she told him. She had long ago forgone her father’s name, still feeling the bad blood between them after he aboundanded her. Her relationship with her mother hadn’t been the best either, at least not towards the end, but she was dead and you couldn’t exactly carry grudges against a dead person and she needed a lastname of sorts. She’s stuck to just Singer ever since her father ran out on her, but she hadn’t gotten around to changing her name officially yet. “Or just Leah,” she quickly added, hating how everything had to be so formal all the time.
“Alright, Leah,” Hotch, as Spencer had called him, Aaron Hotchner judging by the nameplate on his desk, said. “How are you?”
“I’m, uhm…” Leah couldn’t help but glance over at Spencer who had shut the door to the office and taken a seat next to her. Sighing, her breath came out a little shakily and she could see Spencer’s hand twitching where it rested against his leg, as if he wanted to reach out for hers, but couldn’t. “I think I could’ve been better,” she finally answered. Hotch nodded slowly for her to continue. “I’m sure you… know what happened to my brother?” She asked carefully, looking up to see if she could catch any emotions on his face. It was rather stonecold, features completely neutral, but she could also see a few wrinkles around his eyes. She couldn’t tell if they were just naturally always there or if he was concerned. He was a hard man to read.
“We learned about his disappearance when we did a background check on you,” Hotch answered, casting a glance over at Spencer for a moment before returning his eyes. “How long has it been?”
“Ten years,” Leah answered, feeling tears build up in her eyes at the thought. It had really been ten years. “Uh, yesterday was the anniversary and I just-I just want to know what happened to him. If there’s anyway that you could do to, I don’t know, try to figure it out?” Leah rushed out, not even knowing what exactly she was asking for. Hotch’s eyes softened just a smidge and even on his face she could recognize that expression anywhere. He was about to shoot her down. It was the look all the other detectives had given her when they’d told her that they had no new leads, or that the case was no longer a priority.
“I need you to understand, Leah, that this isn’t the kind of cases we typically investigate.” It was as she’d expected, but it still hurt to hear. She could only nod and blink against the tears, balling her fists up so her hands wouldn’t shake so bad. Not that it helped because Hotch obviously saw and Spencer’s concerned eyes were burning holes in the sides of her face.
“I understand,” she said, but her words came out breathless. Hotch looked genuinely sorry as he tilted his head slightly to the side as he watched her.
“But there are other units of the FBI that I’m sure will take this case. I can have Reid escort you so you can talk to them,” he offered. Leah just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“I think we should take it,” Spencer shot in before Leah got the chance to get out of her chair. She wanted to, feeling utterly defeated once again, she wanted nothing more than to get out, go home and try to forget about it. Again.
“Reid,” Hotch sighed as Leah looked at him with wide eyes.
“I really think this could be something for the BAU. Leah, she told me she gets letters every year and that her brother wasn’t the only one,” Spencer bursted out.
“Spencer, it’s okay,” Leah whispered, wanting to reach out for him to make him stop talking. It was enough to get shot down once more, but when Spencer was so enthusiastically fighting for her cause it made her heart clench and it was a rollercoaster of emotions she wasn’t ready to deal with yet.
“Alright, tell me what you know,” Hotch said calmly and if Leah didn’t know any better, she’d say he was interested now. She looked from him to Spencer a few times, not really understanding what was going on. Were they really going to investigate after all? It took her a moment to collect herself, but when she did she told Hotch everything she’d told Spencer that night; about the letters which arrived every year on the anniversary of Sam’s disappearance, - with the expectations of when it fell on Sundays of course - about how the police and her parents had first assumed it was just some cruel prank, how the letters continued after her mother died, after her father moved off to God only knows where, after Leah herself moved to D.C. She also told about the supportgroup and the mother she’d gotten in touch with there who had almost the exact same story to tell about her daughter. She also told, for the second time that early morning, how the police were never able to solve the case and it got cold as there were no real leads or evidence. Spencer also handed Hotch the box of evidence she’d collected over the years.
After she finished telling the story Hotch roamed quickly through the box, reading over a few of the letters and asking which one of them she’d gotten yesterday. Leah pointed it out amongst the pile. It was an easy spot since it was the only thing in there to have been placed in a regular ziplock bag from Spencer’s kitchen, the other items had never been removed from the see-through evidencebags since Leah got them back after turning them in to the police.
“Reid, do you mind waiting outside for a minute?” Hotch finally spoke and Leah felt herself clench up at his words. What was he going to tell her that Spencer couldn’t hear?
“I’ll just be right outside,” Spencer assured her in that calm voice of his. He put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently before getting up from the chair to leave the room. Leah watched after him even after the door was closed behind him and he was out of her view, but his touch lingered and it was somehow comforting.
“I can see that Reid is personally invested in this case,” Hotch spoke up. Leah gulped before turning to look at him.
“I think he cares about me,” she shrugged.
“I think so, too,” Hotch offered her the smallest of smiles, but somehow she suspected that was rare for someone like him. “I need you to understand that this team is like a family; when things become personal to one person, it becomes personal to the rest of the team. If, and I’m just saying if, we were to take this case, I need the whole team to agree on it. If just as much as one member has any doubts about it, we won’t take it. Now if that happens, I can still send it over to other units of the FBI, so you can be assured that it would be investigated thoroughly.” Leah nodded slowly, trying to contemplate everything he’d just said.
“And if they, uhm, agree to take the case?” She asked.
“Then we’ll take it and we won’t stop until we find answers. I need to prepare you that those answers might not be what you’re hoping for,” Hotch told her.
“I just want to know what happened. It’s been ten years and I still have no idea,” she whispered. He gave a quick nod.
“The rest of the team should be here in half an hour. I’ll start making some calls and brief them when they arrive. In the meantime, I suggest you and Reid grab something to eat. You’ll have my answer once I’ve spoken to the team,” he informed her.
“Thank you, Sir.” She felt the urge to shake his hand, so she did so, very enthusiastic may she add. He just offered her a tight lipped smile before dismissing her. Spencer was where he said he’d be, right at the other side of the door, and she all but fell into his arms once the door was closed behind her.
“You okay?” He mumbled, squeezing her tighter as if it was a reflex to never let go. She could only nod against his chest, nuzzling closer to his sweatervest as his scent calmed her nerves. She didn’t feel like talking, just wanting something to keep her grounded for a minute. She didn’t need to tell him what his boss had told her; he probably already knew. Instead she just hugged him a little tighter and took a long breath before slowly inching back out of his embrace. He smiled down at her and his eyes held so many emotions that it was hard to figure out exactly what he was feeling in that moment.
They decided to take up Hotch’s advice and go out for breakfast. There was a small coffeeshop on the ground level of the building which Spencer had promised served a decent cup of coffee. Leah wasn’t particularly hungry, but she opted for a bagel since she hadn’t eaten in a while. She felt the need to show Spencer’s team some gratitude, even if they wouldn’t end up taking the case they had still helped her with the whole mess around her intern, so she told him they’d have to get the rest of the group coffee as well. Spencer, being the genius he was, had memorized everyone’s orders and they also decided to throw in some baked goods just because. Coffee and pastries would make anyone happy in the morning, and it was the least Leah felt she could do. She paid for it all, sliding her card across the counter before Spencer had the chance to dig around in his bag for his wallet. When he still tried to object she just stuck her tongue out at him, which in return made him shake his head with a fond smile.
Heading back up to the BAU’s floor Leah balanced all their coffees while Spencer carried their bags of food. She had realized pretty early on that Spencer wasn’t exactly very well choreographed. She wondered if certain parts of his brain were malfunctioning to compensate for his IQ or something, because he couldn’t multitask for shit. If he wasn’t actively watching where he was going, he’d stub his toe on anything in close proximity or trip over a step in the stairs, if he was carrying more than two things he somehow couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He was kinda strange that way and she really wondered if there was a reason for all of it or if he was simply that clumsy. Whatever the case, she found him adorable whenever he flushed because he’d tripped over his own feet or when he spoke so enthusiastically with his hands that he’d almost hit her square across the face. She may not have known him for long but she knew that Spencer was so pure in every single way.
When they got back up to the office, they set everything down at one of the tables that seemed unoccupied as a workspace. Leah took the cups out of the carryingtrays and turned them around so all the names would be facing the doors and anyone who walked through would instantly notice theirs and could easily grab it. Leah wasn’t actually OCD, but she did have an eye for details. Spencer grabbed a few plates from the kitchen and laid the pastries out before throwing the bags away. They grabbed their own drinks and breakfast before settling down by Spencer’s desk.
Leah was nibbling at small pieces of her bagel when the rest of Spencer’s team started filing in, one by one right after each other. Leah instantly shrunk in her seat as the black man she remembered vaguely from the hospital came through the doors first. She wasn’t sure how to feel or act, or how they’d feel about seeing her in their workspace after everything that had happened at the hospital.
“Oh, Pretty boy! You bought me coffee!” He exclaimed as his eyes fell on the table. Leah watched as he happily grabbed a cup and a small muffin.
“Actually, Leah did,” Spencer answered.
“Huh?” the other man hummed as he looked over, quickly locking eyes with Leah. She felt herself shrink even further into her seat as he narrowed his eyes for a moment. He must have just been confused because not even a split second later his eyes lit up and a charming smile settled on his face. “Sorry, don’t think we ever got around to fully greet one another last time we met. Derek Morgan,” he said, pacing over to stretch his hand out.
“Leah Singer,” she introduced herself as she shook his hand. He quickly went over to what Leah assumed was his own desk. He didn’t seem angry or uncomfortable with her being there, and she certainly didn’t miss the dopey smile he shot Spencer as he walked off. The rest of the team filed in rather quickly after that and luckily there was little time for greeting or introductions before Hotch called them all into another office. She was glad no-one had gotten time to ask her what she was doing there. Emily had given her a knowing, sad smile, so she obviously had an idea. Before leaving Spencer asked if she’d be okay on her own for a while, to which she just nodded and agreed. She wasn’t a baby, she could handle herself for however long the meeting would take.
Being alone again gave her some time to think about everything. She wondered what would be worse; if they did take the case or handed it off to another unit. Spencer would beat himself up over whatever decision it was, she just knew he would. If he’d be working on it he probably wouldn’t sleep until Leah got her questions answered. She hadn’t known him for long, but he already looked at her as if she was the most important thing in his life. She wasn’t blind after all so of course she’d noticed. It just scared her how personally he’d take it if they couldn’t get answers, if the case was somehow unsolvable. He’d probably take it harder than she would.
She also wondered how he’d feel if they didn’t agree to investigate. Hotch had promised her he’d send it off to another unit and she believed him. Only problem is Spencer wouldn’t be part of it. He’d probably go crazy over that, demand to oversee their work and make sure they did their job right. Leah didn’t even know how the FBI worked or if he would have the rights to do that, but she assumed he’d find some way to become part of the investigation somehow.
Leah had suspected that she’d have a lot of time to think about everything that was on her mind, but the team wasn’t gone for more than ten minutes and the short time made Leah’s heart sink a little. They couldn’t possibly have discussed thoroughly in that short period of time, right? Someone had probably said no.
“What happened?” Leah asked when Spencer came back to her. She noticed the rest of his team roaming around their desks, collecting chargers, files, laptops etc. out of their drawers. She didn’t want to focus on them when Spencer was sitting in front of her, kneeling on the ground.
“We’re going to take the case,” he informed her in that gentle, sweet voice of his. Leah could only look at him for a moment, not fully believing him.
“You are?” She asked because she just had to be sure that she’d heard him correctly. He nodded, both his hands coming up to squeeze her knees.
“Yes, Leah.” He smiled. “Hotch made some calls while we went to get breakfast and another child went missing in the Bronx about two weeks ago. Same MO as with Sam, so we think the same person who took him also took this girl. We’re flying out there now to see if there’s more children missing who can relate to the case and try to find out who did this.”
“So, you think someone took Sammy?” Leah asked, feeling tears brim in the corners of her eyes. She’d always suspected that, hell, even the police had initially thought that as well. But hearing Spencer confirm her theories made it all more real… And another thought struck her mind; she knew what typically happened to abducted children and she didn’t want to imagine that happening to her babybrother.
“Yeah, we do,” he sounded so sad, but gentle. He must’ve somehow been able to interpret what she was so desperately trying not to think about. “But we’re going to find the person who did this, okay? You’ll get answers. I promise,” he said it so sincerely that Leah was afraid what would happen if they couldn’t actually find the asshole. She wanted to think about something else, anything.
“So, you’re going to New York?” She decided to ask, wanting to change the subject, but at the same time not wanting to remind herself that he would have to leave.
“Yeah, we’re leaving now,” he told her, but there was something in his eyes when he paused. He sighed, hands squeezing her knees again. “Hotch wants you to come with us,” he said carefully.
“To… uhm, to New York?” She asked. Spencer nodded. “Why?”
“You’re a material witness. You might have more information than you think, maybe you’ll remember something important when you get there. And you know the area, you know the people. It could be really helpful if you come with us, Leah.” Spencer shrugged as he spoke, then paused again. She’d gotten to know his tells by now and he always made this slightly scrunched up face when he was about to say something, but didn’t know exactly how to phrase it. Leah just waited for him to continue. “I don’t think you should be alone right now,” he finally said. Her heart melted a little at that and without even realizing what she was doing she reached a hand out to settle in his hair.
“This wasn’t your boss’ idea, was it?” She breathed, hand snaking further back so her fingers could play with the curls in the back of his head. He all but purred at that, his own fingers twitching against her knees.
“He approved it.” Spencer smiled sheepishly, but didn’t seem ashamed. “You can always say no if it becomes too much for you. I know going back there can wake some bad memories, but I don’t want you halfway across the country in case you need me.” There it was, no ‘in case you have a mental breakdown’ or ‘in case you feel sad’. In case you need me. Those words echoed around in her head a few times and she wondered when she could begin to understand her feelings for him. They were strong, obviously, but she’d only known him for a few weeks and she could already tell she had never felt anything like this before.
“Okay,” she agreed, reluctantly removing her hand and leaning back in her seat a little. “I’m gonna have to order a planeticket, then.”
“No need,” Spencer brushed her off as he carefully shifted his weight on his hands which were still on her knees so he could stand up. As he did she could hear his joints cracking and popping dramatically as he shook the circulation back into his legs. “You’re coming with us on the jet,” he said simply. Leah just cocked an eyebrow at that.
“Jet? You have a jet?” She asked when he didn’t explain further. He gave her a long look, eyebrows narrowing.
“Yeah… I thought I told you that,” he chuckled.
“Is it big? Is it fancy?” Leah questioned, feeling a little giddily. She had never traveled much, only been on a handful of planerides, but she had never even seen a jet up close. It made her so excited she was almost able to forget about all the nerves she had. Spencer just chuckled at her with an amused smile. It was insane how quickly the mood could shift between the two of them, from utterly depressing to a child who just walked into a candy store.
“Why don’t come with me and I’ll show you?” Spencer shrugged as he grabbed his bookbag.
“Oh, we’re leaving now? Like, now-now?” She asked, getting up from her seat as well. She quickly checked around his desk to see if she’d forgotten anything, but she’d only brought her purse and the box of evidence which she assumed Hotch still had control over.
“Well, yeah, unless you need to get something from your apartment before we go? Clothes?” He told her. Leah thought about it for a moment. She didn’t exactly have anything other than the few articles in her purse, so clothes sounded like a good idea to bring. But going to her apartment and back again would delay them by at least a few hours and she didn’t want to do that. She had no idea how long they’d be gone, but Spencer had once mentioned the longest case they had worked had made them be gone for three weeks before they solved it. She could always buy whatever she’d need if she wouldn’t be gone for much longer than a few weeks.
“Do I need my passport?” She asked as they started heading towards the glassdoors.
“Not unless you plan on taking a trip to Canada while you’re at it,” J.J. shot in as she fell to a step next to the two. During their short introduction that morning she’d been able to learn all their names. Leah wasn’t much for formalities and decided she preferred to call people by their first names or nicknames. She had gotten to know that the agents typically referred to each other by their last names, with a few exceptions, and she assumed it was an FBI thing. Leah was kind of used to that at her job as well, the doctors being called by their last names, nurses and other staff by their first names. It was a weird system, but Spencer’s team weren’t her colleagues, so she wanted to be as friendly with them as possible.
“Good luck, my crime fighters!” The colorful woman Leah had remembered from the hospital and now knew as Penelope bid them farewell as they headed for the elevators. She stopped them in their tracks before they could actually get that far, though, pulling Leah into a tight, yet unexpected hug. She let out a sound of surprise.
“Garcia!” Spencer hissed next to her.
“No, it’s fine. Uhm… thank you?” Leah said once Penelope released her.
“I’m sorry, I just… I hope you finally find what you’re looking for,” the older woman said, looking so sad and emotional as she said it. Leah wondered how someone like her could possibly work with the same stuff as Spencer. She knew the cases they worked were typically… gnarly, to say the least, and this woman seemed so bright and kind and good. She’d probably faint at the sight of blood. She didn’t exactly seem to fit into the whole group, but Leah assumed there was a meaning to it that she hadn’t yet understood.
“Thanks, uh… You’re not coming with us?” Leah asked.
“Nope, I’ll manage the place while you’re gone. But I’m always just a phonecall away if you need to talk! I also have a folder on my computer full of cute catpictures if you need a pick-me-up if things get too bad… Not that I think they will, because this team is so amazing and I know they’ll-”
“Thank you,” Leah said sincerely to cut off Penelope’s rambling when she thought she’d said something bad. She felt a little awkward after that, as if she’d somehow come across as a too harsh. “You know, I’ve got a lot of supercute pictures of dogs doing stupid things on my phone. Maybe we should exchange them when I get back?” She offered, just to appear a little nicer. It seemed to help, because Penelope’s eyes lit up.
“Oh, we definitely should! Good luck!” She said as a sort of goodbye when she finally let Leah, Spencer and J.J. get to the elevator. Leah’s smile seemed to be glued to her face all the way down to the basement where they got into a large van which they used to drive out to a hanger located just behind the large officebuilding. It wasn’t too far away and they probably could have walked the short distance, but she assumed there were protocols about this sort of thing. They parked the car by the jet, which wasn’t as big as Leah had expected. It was about the size of a small passenger airplane and it looked like it too from the outside. She was still excited, though, as Spencer led her inside through the backdoor. It wasn’t too big, but roomy enough to host a wide couch - she didn’t even know there was allowed to be couches on aircrafts - and enough seats to accompany the whole team plus some guests. The seats were also drawn in tan leather and looked much more comfortable than the ones she’d traveled with on economy class on cheap airlines. All in all it looked nice and welcoming, which was strange for a jet since it shouldn’t be more than a means of transport.
“Take a seat wherever you want,” Spencer told her as she paused in the doorway to take it all in. She turned to look at him and she knew the smile on her face probably gave away her excitement.
“It’s so fancy!” She grinned at him. She could see the twinkle in his eyes as he looked down at her. Leah opted for one of windowseats in the back, wanting to be able to look out. She immediately buckled in, tightening the belt across her hips probably a little too tight. It’s not like she was afraid of flying, because she really wasn’t. She knew the statistics, that it was safer to fly than any other form of transportation. It was just that she hadn’t been on a lot of planerides and it was also the fact that she was going back home, with Spencer, to try to find out what happened to her brother all those years ago. So, no, she wasn’t scared, she was just nervous.
“Here.” She looked up at Spencer who was now hovering over her in the aisle, a babypink blanket in his outstretched hand. It took her a moment to process it before a grin slowly spread across her lips.
“I didn’t think you were into pink,” she teased him, but accepted the blanket nonetheless.
“Well, someone once told me I look pretty in pink,” he shrugged, a smile on his lips, but his cheeks still turned the color in question. It took Leah an even longer moment to remember that she had said that to him when he was in the hospital. She could only laugh. “And it’s J.J.’s, she said you could borrow it,” he told her. Leah perked up at that, scanning the jet for the blonde who was sitting up by the front. She caught her eye and gave her a grateful smile as a thanks.
“Do you mind if I sit?” Emily asked as she pushed past Spencer, gesturing towards the seat across from Leah. She nodded and loosened her seat belt a little so she could properly snuggle up into the blanket. It was thin and worn, smelling heavily of some flowery perfume, but she didn’t mind. Blankets always made her feel safe in some way, like an extra layer of protection just in case anything bad were to happen. “I brought you some more coffee,” Emily spoke up again once she was seated, sliding one of her cups across the small table between them. Leah grinned as she accepted it.
“Thank you.” She slowly took a sip of her coffee, relishing in the hot beverage she had a hate-love relationship with. This was probably her fifth or sixth cup since midnight and she knew it wasn’t exactly healthy, but then again everyone had some sort of habit that couldn’t be classified as healthy. She had really tried to cut down on her caffeine intake, especially after her concussion, and on good days she managed to stick to four or five cups a day, but on bad days… Let’s just say that fifteen-twenty cups in one day was no problem for her to consume.
She quickly fell into a friendly conversation with Emily, the blackhaired woman mostly asking how she’d been doing after the last time they’d met. Leah answered as honestly as she could, telling her about how the first few days after she got home were the worst since the concussion was pretty bad, but that it got better. She also told her about her new position as a medic, to which Emily seemed really happy for her about. It also reminded her that she’d have to call her boss at some point to tell her she wasn’t going to be coming in to work for some time. Her boss was kind of a bitch at times, but she was always really understanding when it came to injuries, like when Leah got hurt, and personal things like what she was about to do now.
Spencer returned a few minutes later, looking undecided as to where to sit, but Leah just patted the seat next to her. That seemed to put him a little more at ease and he sat down next to her, offering her a bag of cashews. She grinned and grabbed a small handful from the bag as they waited for the rest of the team to show up. It didn’t take too long for them to get seated, the doors closing securely and then the jet was moving slowly.
“We’re moving!” Leah grinned at Spencer before turning around to look out the small window. She kept watching as they slowly made their way out of the hanger and to the runway. She was aware that several pairs of eyes were trained on her, but she didn’t care.
“Have you never been on a plane before?” Emily asked.
“I have, just not that many times,” Leah responded, still not wavering her eyes from the landscape as the jet picked up speed. She waited for that drop in her stomach as the nose of the plane lifted off the ground and tried to hide her squeals. Those few seconds just before take off and landing always made her feel funny, kind of like being on a rollercoaster. It didn’t last for long, though, the jet smoothly lifting off the ground and climbing higher and higher by the second. “We’re flying!” She grinned as they broke through the low clouds. Turning to look at Spencer, he had the most loving look on his face. He had probably watched her the entire time and it made her blush the tiniest bit.
“Yeah, we’re flying,” he mumbled. Leah adjusted a little in her seat, kicking off her sneakers and pulling her feet up onto the couchin. She wrapped her arms and blanket tighter around her as she tried to make out anything through the clouds. For the next ten minutes or so all she could see was white until they reached maximum altitude and climbed above the clouds. The sight was truly breathtaking, but then she became aware of how her ears became clogged and she was reminded of the downside of flying.
At some point Spencer and Emily excused themselves, moving to the front of the plane to discuss the case with the rest of the team. Leah tried not to eavesdrop, giving them privacy to talk about the details. She knew there were things she wasn’t supposed to know for obvious reasons, but she was also curious to know what they were thinking. Her brother was one of the victims, they had brought her along for a reason, after all. She was able to hold her curiosity in check, though, trusting Spencer to tell her later what she needed to know. While they were briefing, Leah decided to call her boss and explain the situation. The jet had surprisingly good cellphone coverage and she hadn’t been aware that she was allowed to make calls while in the air. She supposed the rules were different here than on a normal plane since Penelope was talking to the team over some kind of videolink.
They didn’t stay gone for long, though, returning to their seats about forty minutes later. J.J. joined them too, taking a seat next to Emily and Derek sat down across the aisle from her. Hotch, who was just too authoritative to refer to as Aaron, and David stayed up in the front, noses buried in the files in front of them. Leah wondered what details they were reading about.
“You okay?” Spencer asked, bumping his shoulder into Leah’s. She nodded and offered him a smile. Her hand came up to rub along her right ear, trying to shake out the clogs which at that point had just become painfully annoying. “When we land we’re all heading to the precinct to see if we can gather some more information. Is it okay if you come with us or do you want us to drop you off at the hotel?”
“I can come with you,” Leah answered, leaning a little further back into the corner so she could face them all. She stretched her legs out just a little bit, her toes brushing against Spencer thigh. As if on instinct, he brought his hand out, circling her left ankle and drawing random patterns on her skin underneath the cuff of her jeans. She smiled lazily at him to show him she liked his affection. It was strange how such a small, simple touch could calm her so quickly.
Being around Spencer and his team was surprisingly easy. She had suspected it to be awkward or that they’d give her weird looks, but they didn't. They all seemed to understand that it was hard for her, but they never pushed for to talk or asked any questions. The conversation just flowed smoothly and it became apparent how close they all were. In a way Leah envied Spencer for that. Except for Ruiz she didn’t really have any friends and no coworkers she could talk to where the conversation ran as easily as it did on the jet. She missed having friends, something she hadn’t until recently. It had always been easier to just be on her own, but right now she wondered how much fun she’d been missing out on.
At some point, Derek stretched out to grab the bag of cashews which was still laying on the table. Before he could, Spencer slapped his hand away and pushed the bag closer to Leah. She found the whole thing amusing and so did the other women, as it seemed.
“Come on, man!” Derek laughed.
“They’re not for you,” Spencer stated simply. Leah wanted to interject; say that she was actually finished with the snack and that Derek could have the rest, but she also adored the slight blush creeping up Spencer’s neck.
“Why? Is it because I’m not as pretty as her? Because I’m sure I could rock some high heels and a tiny dress!” Derek teased which made all the girls burst out laughing. Leah desperately tried to not imagine the sight, because the thought was more terrifying than it was supposed to be sexy.
“Now, that’s something I’d pay good money to see!” Emily laughed. Leah turned to look at Spencer who didn’t look the slightest amused. She stretched out a little more, nesting her feet underneath his leg to get his attention. His cheeks were stained almost cherry-red and she found it adorable. She had no idea how much he’d told the rest of the team, but to her it was obvious that he liked her. She just wondered how long they’d continue to dance around the subject. She knew having the conversation wasn’t ideal right now, but maybe they could once they’d get back to D.C.
“Come on, you know we’re only teasing, Pretty boy,” Derek chuckled when he too noticed that Spencer hadn’t taken their jokes lightheartedly.
“Oh, that reminds me!” J.J. shot in and Leah felt her gaze draw towards her.
“No, no, no! I wanna tell this time!” Emily seemed just as eager and Leah assumed there was a funny story there somewhere. “So, you know Morgan is kinda the king of nicknames and-”
“No, stop!” Derek warned, pointing a finger at Emily who completely ignored him.
“This one time he couldn’t decide whether to call Reid ‘Pretty boy’ or ‘Baby genius’ and the words kinda got tumbled in his mouth and it came out ‘Pretty baby’!” Emily shrieked out, laughing so hard she had to lean on J.J. for support. Not that it helped though, because J.J. was just as bad, gasping for breath as she doubled over.
“Shut up,” Derek huffed out, clearly embarrassed, which only made the girls laugh even harder. Leah couldn’t help but chuckle as well. She didn’t find it all that funny, but she assumed it was one of those stories you would have just had to have been there to understand just how funny it was. Looking over at Spencer she noticed his cheeks hadn’t lost any of their color, but at least a small smile was playing on his lips. She leaned a little closer.
“If anything, I think you’re a pretty baby,” she whispered to him, still teasing, but there was also a truth to it. His eyebrows shot up at her comment.
“Oh, yeah?” He asked, clearly amused now. Leah bit her lip and nodded. She really felt the urge right then and there to tangle her fingers in his hair. In the short time they’d known each other it had sort of become their thing. She’d play with his hair, which he seemed to be a total slut for, by the way, and he’d play with her hands or simply hold onto her ankles whenever they were within reach.
“Yeah,” she breathed out a verbal reply and his eyes softened so much. She had never felt the urge to kiss anyone more than when he looked at her like that. He was so sweet and good and perfect. Why did he have to be so perfect?
Luckily, the team hadn’t seemed to notice and if they had, they didn’t say anything else on the matter. The jet touched down about ten minutes later, after only around an hour and a half in the air. Spencer escorted her to a black SUV with tainted windows, holding the door open for her as she climbed into the middle in the back. She didn’t know how many people they’d fit into each car and she was the smallest, so the middle seemed like a good option. In the end, it was hardly necessary since Derek took the driver’s seat and J.J. took the passenger’s seat. Emily went with David and Hotch, so it was completely unnecessary for her to be squeezed up against Spencer’s side but none of them seemed to mind. Kind of the opposite actually.
While they were driving she tried anything to get rid of the cottonballs in her ears and at one point she’d blocked her nostrils with her fingers before blowing. Spencer had been quick to stop her, stating that it’d actually only make it worse. Derek handed her a piece of gum, saying it was the only thing that had helped him. Chewing and yawning seemed to help as well, but not too much. She asked how none of them seemed to have any problems to which J.J. just chuckled and told her they traveled so much and had probably just gotten used to it.
The ride to the precinct probably took them about forty-five minutes because of the heavy traffic. She remembered how much she hated that when she lived there. Washington D.C. was heavily crowded with cars as well, but not as bad as the Bronx. But then again the Bronx had never been as bad as Manhattan. As a teen her father had taken her driving through the big island a few times when she was practising for her licence and it was a total chaos. Whenever she’d visit the city other than that she’d always take the subway or the bus, which was actually a lot quicker than driving.
When they finally made it to the precinct, everything seemed to be moving too quickly for Leah to even understand what was happening. The whole team sort of split up, diving straight into different tasks while Leah was sort of just left there standing alone with a dumb expression on her face. She could see Hotch and Emily talking to various policeofficers, but they seemed busy so she didn’t want to interrupt them. Spencer had disappeared off to God only knows where and it made her feel small. She didn’t blame him or anything, he had a job to do and she knew that her being there was probably actually a distraction, and she certainly didn’t want to distract him. But she had no idea what to do at that point. She didn’t know if she was supposed to share some more details with the team or try to seek out the officers she’d talked to ten years ago or if she was supposed to help anyone with anything specific. She just felt lost and opted to take a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting area until someone told her what to do.
She probably waited for an hour or so before David finally seemed to notice her. He waved at her from his spot by the coffee machine. When he had finished filling up two cups, he made his way over.
“Hey there,” he greeted her as he handed her one of the cups. She took it gladly. “Have you been out here all this time?” He asked. Leah shrugged and took a small sip.
“It’s okay,” she said, honestly. “You all seemed so busy and it was kinda…” she trailed off, not knowing what to say.
“Overwhelming?” He guessed and she nodded.
“Yeah… I mean, I don’t even know what I’m doing here,” she chuckled nervously. “I wanna help, I just have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing right now.”
“Well,” David started. “If I’m being honest with you, today we’re probably just gonna go through some old files and see if we can find any cases which relate to your brother’s. Typically we get those files delivered before we start the case, so today we’re just gonna try to gather as much information as we can. I don’t think there’s much you can do today, so how about I give you a ride to the hotel, huh?”
“That sounds good. I’ll get out of your hair so you can work without having to worry about the stray,” Leah smiled at him, trying to lift the mood with a joke. David gave her a confused look.
“It’s not about that. I just think it’d be good for you to get some rest and some time alone to clear your mind,” he told her with a frown.
“Yeah, I know. It was just a poor attempt at a joke,” she chuckled nervously. He gave her a short nod, telling her he’d just let the rest of the team know he’d be driving her to the hotel. She was somehow surprised that Spencer didn’t come rushing out to see her before she left, but in a way that made it easier to just sneak out without too much attention. David was really nice, but it was different from the rest of the team. He was calm and had this fatherly vibe to him, asking her if she was too cold or too warm, asking if she was okay or if it was all too much for her. He was really caring and she liked that.
When they made it to the hotel he told her that Penelope had already fixed rooms for them, Leah included. He told her the FBI would cover the expenses which surprised her. She understood that the team wouldn’t have to pay for their own rooms, but Leah too? She decided not to question it. The hotel was fancy enough and during check-in she was informed of when breakfast would be served, that the gym was located on the second floor and when the lobbybar would be open. Apparently, Penelope had gone all in when she’d booked the room, because dinner was included in price, to which David assured her she didn’t have to attend if she wanted something else to eat, she had free access to the hotel’s pool and gym, which she also assumed was charged extra. This was by far going to be the most lucrative stay she’d ever had at a hotel and it was kind of sad she wouldn’t get to enjoy it. It wasn’t a vacation after all.
David left her in the lobby after she received her roomnumber and keycard. She assured him she’d be fine on her own for a few hours and promised she’d call if she needed anything. When she made it up to her room she was in desperate need of a shower, but knew that would have to wait until she’d be able to go shopping. She could’ve just done that immediately, buy a few more sets of underwear at least to have something to start with, but she was also tired. She could nap for a few hours first. Or at least just lay under the covers and try to contemplate everything.
She was back in New York, back in the Bronx, back where she had all but run away from several years ago. And she was here with Spencer of all people, and his friends and they were trying to help her solve the biggest puzzle in her life. It made her hopeful that after ten years she might finally find out what happened to Sam. But it also made her scared, because what if those answers weren’t the ones she’d hoped for. And what if they weren’t able to solve the case at all?
Story summary: Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Chapter summary: Spencer and Leah spends some time alone together after the events at the hospital.
Warnings: Dorks in love, does that need a warning? Fluffy as hell!
Spencer halted in his tracks, taking in the sight before him with a fond smile. He hadn’t seen Leah since that Tuesday at the hospital. After their conversation in his room and everything that happened with her intern, Spencer hadn’t seen her. She had hinted that she’d be spending a lot of time at the library and that’s the first place Spencer went to after he got discharged the Thursday after he got shot. He went there at least once a day in hope that he would see her again. For eight days in a row now he had gone to the library only for her to be a no-show. In reality it wasn’t that strange. She hadn’t given him any indication of when she’d be there and they hadn’t exchanged phonenumbers or anything. In a way that had made a bit more excited, as if fate decided when they’d see each other again.
But it was also pure hell. For eight days he’d left the library in a sour mood. He had been tempted to have Garcia send him Leah’s contactinformation, but that would be highly unethical and let’s not forget illegal. He also couldn’t blame Leah if she got cold feet. When they had made their kind-of-plan to meet up none of them had taken into account that Sophie would end up being the unsub and hold Leah at gunpoint while Spencer could only watch and do nothing. He had respected and understood her need for space after that, even though it hurt to not be able to check up on her.
But here she was, on the ninth day since Spencer got released from the hospital. She was curled up on the same couch she had been the first time he saw her almost two weeks ago. But this time her position was far more normal. She was laying on her right side, the side of her face pressed into the armrest of the couch. Her lips were slightly parted as she snored softly, her nose scrunched up in the most adorable way. Her left hand was curled around the blanket which was draped over her, holding it into her chest. Her right arm seemed to be bent at the elbow but her hand was hanging off the edge of the sofa, a book lying forgotten on the floor underneath it. She looked so peaceful in her sleep.
Spencer felt a sudden urge to reach out and stroke a few strands of her hair out of her face. She had cut her hair, he noticed. It had been long the last time he’d seen her, reaching almost down to the middle of her back when she wore it loose. Now it seemed to be coming to a stop just below her jawline. Her hair wasn’t the only thing different about her. She’d gotten the cast on her nose removed. It still looked swollen, but not as bad. The rings underneath her eyes were completely gone. The cut on her forehead, which she had pressed into the couch, also looked free of bandages and tape. The bruise on her cheek was a nasty greenish color with a ring of yellow around it. It had been a deep bruise so it would probably take a few more days until the coloring would disappear entirely. But as for right now she looked good.
Spencer moved as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake the sleeping girl. He took a seat on the other couch, settling into the corner so he was as close to Leah’s head as he could. If he stretched his arm out he could stroke her hair. But he wasn’t going to do that as much as he wanted to. Instead, he picked up the book Leah had discarded. He was surprised when he saw that it was ‘Mary’ by Vladimir Nabokov. It wasn’t a well known book and Spencer had only read it once himself, in its original language if that was worth mentioning. It was not a book he would picture Leah picking out. He’d assumed she would pick something more popular since she didn’t enjoy reading that much, like the Harry Potter series.
He smiled to himself as he opened the book on the first page, slowly reading it to himself. He tried to concentrate on the words, but more often than not he found himself glancing over at Leah. He could probably spend an entire day just staring at her and it would be more interesting than any book he’d ever read.
He wondered what Leah had been doing the past week. From what his team had told him, then she’d been really upset about everything with Sophie. It was understandable. They hadn’t really understood the dynamic between her and Demtry until it was almost too late. Apparently, Demtry had been Sophie’s teacher in nursingschool. The two of them had started a relationship, which in reality wasn’t much of a relationship at all. It had been an elderly man abusing, taking advantage of and repeatedly raping a young student. At least according to Sophie’s statement. When they got all the details it had been truly shocking and something no-one on the team had suspected. They had thought they were dealing with a killer-duo, when in reality they were looking for a man who manipulated and threatened a young girl into doing his dirty work.
Sophie had been quick to confess to everything once they had brought her in for questioning. She had been an intern at MedStar first for about a month. When the scandal of Demtry having a sexual relationship with a student came to light, the school had done whatever they could to cover it, but he still lost his job. The school had in fact covered it up so well that Garcia hadn’t even found the connection between the two of them until just minutes before she showed with a gun pointed at Leah. After loosing his job, Demtry completely unraveled. He still didn’t stop seeing Sophie, though, and asked her for information about the victims he’d shot. She would access their medical files and tell him whatever he wanted to know. He was on a mission of ridding the world of sinners apparently, and anyone who he deemed a sinner had to die, as far as the team understood his reasoning. It was still hard to know exactly what was going on, since Sophie hadn’t asked questions, just followed orders and Demtry himself refused to explain himself to the police.
When Sophie transferred to Inova, they changed their hunting ground closer to that hospital to make sure the victims would end up being brought there for treatment. They had created this complex system which actually worked surprisingly well. The fact that Sophie was an intern made it harder to catch her since she for some reason was able to access all medical files without leaving a trace behind since she didn’t have her own username and password. There was also no real papertrail which told them she had ever been interning at MedStar.
But when the team had made connection between Demtry and Sophie it wasn’t hard to find the evidence since they knew what to look for. The gun which Sophie had brought to the hospital also turned out to be the gun used on all the victims. They picked up Demtry later the same day who had been hiding out in Sophie’s apartment. Even though they caught their unsubs fairly quickly, it was still a sad case. Demtry, who had obviously been the one in charge, refused to talk. Sophie did, though, but that wouldn’t necessarily make it easier for her. She’d been manipulated into participating, but she had also been the one to kill Pedro Gomez. The deal between the pair had been that Demtry would shoot and kill the women he deemed sinners. Sophie would handle the men, which also meant she had been the one to shoot Spencer. She had also killed Anthony Garland in the hospital by injecting air into his IV, just as they had suspected. The new autopsy had concluded that he died of an airembolism and Sophie admitted to it.
When they had asked Sophie how they chose the victims in the first place, Sophie had just shrugged her shoulder and said that Demtry had pointed out a random person on the street. It really had been all random people who were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. What was in their medical files and how they acted at the hospital was what deemed their fate going from there.
Even though she had felt forced to do it, Sophie was still guilty of murder and several other lesser offenses. She would probably face twenty-five to life. Spencer thought it was sad. He obviously didn’t know Sophie that well, but Leah did.
About half an hour after taking a seat he wasn’t even fifty pages into the book. It was hard to concentrate and his mind was running. He thought about Leah and what he might say to her. Did she even want to see him? Of course she did or she wouldn’t have shown up at the library knowing he could come as well.
Another ten minutes later he heard her stir in her sleep. A small sound which sounded oddly enough like a yawn escaped her mouth before she started stretching her limbs, a few joints popping so loudly Spencer could hear it from where he was sitting.
“Did I start a trend?” She muttered tiredly, her voice hoarse and breathy. Spencer found himself smiling even though he had no idea what she meant. She bent her head backwards, peering at him over the armrest. A small grin spread across her face as she looked up at him.
“What was that?” He asked, putting his finger between the pages as he closed the book.
“Your socks.” Leah nodded her head, probably aiming towards his feet, but it didn’t look entirely right since her head was at such an odd angle. Spencer laughed.
“No, I… I always wear mismatched socks, too,” he told her, feeling a blush creep up his cheeks. Why was he so nervous again all of a sudden?
“You’re lazy, too?” She asked and he chuckled as he shook his head.
“No… I just think it means bad luck to wear matching socks.” He shrugged. Leah gave him a fond smile as she reached her arm over her head, her hand making grabby motions at him. Spencer had no idea what she wanted, but as if on instinct he just grabbed her hand with his own. The way they held hands was kind of awkward, her hand grabbing the top of his indexfinger kind of similar to how an old woman would shake your hand sometimes. But her skin was warm and she gave him this dopey grin.
“I was actually reaching for my book,” she chuckled softly. “But this is nice, too.”
“Oh, sorry.” Spencer felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment, but she refused to drop his hand so it couldn’t be that bad. “Sorry,” he mumbled again, giving her a sheepish look.
“Will you read to me?” She asked, her voice quiet and she looked so adorable with the way her eyes twinkled. She had that same look on her face as she did the night they had first me, when he had thought she might be high. But now he knew better. She was just Leah.
“You want me to read to you?” Spencer asked, his eyebrows lifting on their own accord.
“You have a nice voice,” she nodded. “It’s really soothing.” She didn’t look the slightest bit embarrassed at the admission, just had these hopeful eyes and how could Spencer say no to that? Leah retracted her hand and hid it under her blanket, getting comfortable as Spencer started reading out loud from the page he had previously stopped on. She didn’t seem too interested in the story anyway and neither was Spencer to be honest. He liked being close to Leah, though, and the whole scene; him reading out loud to her seemed oddly… domestic, like everything he had ever hoped for.
He didn’t even get one and a half pages done before Leah started snoring softly again. He continued to read a few more pages, just in case she wasn’t fully asleep yet. Once he was certain, he read the rest of the book on his own in silence. It was easier to concentrate after that and when he had finished another book, he was more than content to just watch her until it got closer to 10 P.M. That’s when he decided it was time to head home soon. Putting the books away in the respective spots, he checked that he had everything in his bag before pushing the table as quietly as possible away from the couch. He sat down on the floor in front of Leah. Gently, he put a hand on her arm. The blanket was thin, but very soft underneath his fingers and he realized then that he would do anything to have them cuddled together with a blanket like that wrapped around the both of them. It was something he suddenly craved more than anything.
Leah stirred as he stroked her arm, her hands tightening into fists around the fluffy fabric. He watched as her eyes blinked open, a little unfocused at first before those forestgreen orbs cleared. He could get lost in them forever.
“Hi,” he whispered in a greeting. That breathtaking grin slowly spread on her lips. She fumbled with the blanket a little before she was able to free her left arm. She stretched it down her body, setting her elbow on her hip so she could reach up to nest her hand into his hair. Spencer’s eyes fluttered close at the feeling and a shiver wrecked his spine even though her hand felt warmer than his skin.
“Hi,” she finally whispered back and he forced himself to open his eyes to look at her. There was so much admiration written on her features and Spencer wondered if he could fall in love with someone just by the way they were looking at him. Because he loved her. It was crazy to admit, since he hardly even knew her and they hadn’t spent that much time together, but he loved her. It was the only explanation for how she managed to get his heart beating so unbelievably fast whenever she was near, how she could make his knees buckle when she touched him, how she could make him swoon on his feet just by looking at him.
Testing the waters, Spencer reached a hand out, stroking his thumb gently over the ridge of her left eyebrow and over her temple so he could finally push that strand of hair out of her beautiful face. Yes, he was definitely falling for her. And hard. She just smiled at him and he wondered if she felt the same way. Her other hand was peeking out of the blanket and it looked lonely, so Spencer took it in his.
“What did you do here?” He mumbled, stroking his thumb over the small cut on her middle finger. It looked like a papercut and the skin was a little red around the streak of dried blood, as if it was recent.
“I told you I was bad at reading,” she said so softly despite her eyes twinkling with amusement.
“You-” Spence had to cut himself off with a small laugh. He had almost forgotten their first real conversation together. Leah’s shoulders were shaking with silent laughter and he wished he could stay in this moment forever. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but he knew she had a lot of buried trauma she needed to work through. He was almost certain she felt some sort of attraction as well and he needed to do this at her pace. He couldn’t afford to scare her away just because he was pathetically quick to fall in love.
Slowly, he leaned forward to press his lips to the tip of her finger. His own hands were holding hers tightly, afraid she’d try to retract hers, but she didn’t. She just looked at him so lovingly it almost hurt.
“Better?” He whispered, his voice cracking. Her grin widened.
“Much,” she whispered back. Her hand had never stopped playing with his hair, kneading gently at neck every now and then, before going back to stroke or twirl a small strand of his hair. There were no patterns to what she was doing, but she never stopped moving her hand. They sat like that for what felt like an eternity, just staring at each other and claiming small, innocent touches where it seemed appropriate.
“Do you want a ride home?” Spencer asked once there seemed to have been this unspoken agreement between the pair that it was getting too late to keep this up.
“You really don’t have to,” Leah responded, raking her fingers through his hair once more before dropping her hand. Spencer did the same, leaning backwards a little so she could have some more space to sit up.
“I’m offering,” he shrugged, pushing his hands on the floor so he could stand up. “Do you want a ride home or not? Because it’s okay if you don’t,” he told her. Looking up at him, she smiled softly.
“Yes, thank you,” she whispered before sitting up. She folded her blanket into a neat little ball, before stuffing it into her bag. Together they headed out into his car which he had parked at the other side of the street. Leah gave him the directions to her apartment which was in the opposite direction of his own. Not that he minded though. They talked the entire ride, starting the conversation with Leah asking if Spencer had had his followup appointments yet and going all out nurse on him with asking if he was being good at cleaning his wound. Had she been any other person he would’ve snapped and told her he knew what he was doing, but it was Leah… and he couldn’t help but feel honored that she was worried enough to nag him.
“Can I stop here?” Spencer asked, pointing at one of the empty spots in front of her apartmentbuilding.
“Yup,” Leah responded, fiddling with her bag as she waited for the car to come to a stop.
“Do you need help getting inside?” He asked, biting his lip and hoping she’d take the bite. He didn’t want the night to end like this. If he could follow her to her door then he’d get at least a few more minutes with her.
“With getting inside?” She laughed as she unbuckled her belt. “I think I can manage,” hhe said, opening the door and stepping out of the car just like that. Before she closed the door, she leaned down, looking back at him. “You’re welcome to join me if you want, though. I know it’s late, but I can put on a pot of coffee and I probably have snacks somewhere.” Her smile was suggestive and Spencer had never liked an offer that much before. He grinned at her, turning the car off and stepping out. He grabbed his own bag, for no reason, and locked the car before stepping around it to come at a stop beside her on the curbe.
“Lead the way,” he told her with a gesture of his hand. He followed her into the building, pleased to find that there was a working elevator since her apartment seemed to be located on the sixth floor. Once they stepped through her front door, Leah shrugged her jacket off at the same time she toed off her sneakers. Spencer did the same, but put his own shoes in a neater pile by the door.
“Sorry about the mess. Just move stuff around and make yourself at home,” Leah told him as she went the small strides towards the kitchen. Her apartment was small, he noted, even smaller than his own. The kitchen was located by the front door, connection to a small breakfastnook in the left corner of the room and the livingarea being being located to right of that again. He could see two closed doors, one on either side of room. He suspected one of them was her bedroom and the other might be the bathroom, but he found that layout strange. She’d have to cross the livingroom to get from her bedroom to her bathroom and that didn’t make much sense. Maybe the other door led to an office or storageroom or something.
All in all, her apartment looked nice. The walls were painted in light, neutral colors and the kitchen seemed updated. She didn’t have a lot of furniture, but in reality how much would she need? She lived alone after all and he suspected she didn’t get many visitors. Her apartment was homey and uncleaned, which he found himself rather liking. It was far from messy or dirty, but he got to get a glimt of how her home looked normally since she hadn’t expected company. She hadn’t had time to clean up to impress her company. What he was seeing now was purely Leah.
“You have a lot of blankets,” he noted out loud as he moved towards the couch which looked far too comfy. It had wide cushions and two people could easily fit there side by side without one of them falling off. That was something he didn’t like with his own couch. There had been so many nights where he had fallen asleep on the sofa and he moved a lot in his sleep. More times than not he’d wake up on the floor. He wondered how many times Leah had fallen asleep on her couch, curled up under one of the many blankets she had draped over the back of it. He guessed many, judging by the pillow lying at the end of the couch. It wasn’t a sofepillow, it was one which originally belonged in bed. There was a pillowcase around it, white with tiny red hearts. It was obvious that Leah didn’t care much about aesthetics. She prefered comfort.
“Well, I think my heater’s been broken for, like, forever.” Leah laughed. “It always gets cold in here, especially during the winter or at night when the tempratures drop. The janitor’s been to look at it plenty of times and can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong with it. So, I figured that blankets are good enough. And I really like blankets.” She explained. It wasn’t overly cold in her apartment, probably around 70 degrees, but if you were a chilly person then that was probably too cold. Leah seemed to be a chilly person. Spencer was, too. He preffered for his bedroom to be cool when he slept, but his livingarea he liked to be on the warmer side, close to 80 was perfect for him. So, he could understand her need for blankets. There’s a reason Spencer always wore cardigans or sweatervests if the weather was cold.
“Why don’t you just get a new heater?” Spencer asked her as he took a seat on the couch. From his spot he could see her roaming around her cabinets.
“Well… I probably should, but I’m renting so the janitor is actually supposed to fix it. But I’m tired of paying, like, twenty bucks just for him to say he doesn’t find anything wrong with it. And this was actually just supposed to be temporary, the apartment, I mean,” Leah explained. “But I’ve been staying here for three years now, so I guess it’s not that temporary after all.” She laughed as she came over to put a few bowls down on the table, two of them filled with different chips and another with mixed nuts. “Hope you’re not allergic to nuts or anything. Anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? Soda?” She asked. Spencer pondered for a moment.
“Tea would be nice,” he said with a small nod of his head. “If there’s not too much trouble,” he added quickly.
“No problem.” She smiled before heading back to her kitchen cabinets. Spencer decided to follow her, feeling rude for just sitting there while she did all the work.
“I didn’t think you had tea,” he thought out loud as she pulled four different boxes out of her cabinet. She laughed.
“Oh, so you joke now?” Spencer felt his cheeks heat up at her remark. “What? So, just because I love my coffee, doesn’t mean I can’t be a teadrinker as well?” He decided to try to push it a little further. He had never been much of jokester, but he loved hearing her laugh.
“I think your precious coffee might get jealous.” He licked his lips as he waited for her reply, which came in the form of a wholeheartedly chuckle. She was precious.
“Touchè.” She gave him this proud look as she pressed the button on her waterboiler. “How do you take your tea? Milk, sugar, honey?” She asked.
“Just milk and sugar is fine,” he told her and she went to the fridge first, grabbing a container of milk and sliding it over the limited counter space. Next she opened a cabinet to retrieve two simple mugs along with two teaspoons from a drawer. The last thing she found was a bag a of sugar, he noted she didn’t have a container for it, and a jar of honey. She grabbed a pack of chamomile tea and Spencer opted for the same. They finished making their tea, Leah adding a small splash of milk and a huge spoon of honey before they settled down on the couch again. They sat facing each other, their legs on the couch and somewhat tangled together. It wasn’t overly comfortable and Spencer could feel his circulation being cut off, but that was the last thing on his mind. Her toes were wedged slightly underneath his ass, his own feet perched on the seat of either side of hers, framing her in. They each had their own blanket wrapped around their shoulder and one draped over both of their legs. It was comfortable and nice.
Their conversation was light, each taking turns to talk about their childhoods and pasts, getting basic knowledge about each other. Spencer told her about all his several degrees and what it was like going to college at 14. He spared her the embarrassing details, like how the jocks had stuffed him in a locker and he had to wait seven hours before a janitor found him and eventually got him out or how that one time someone pulled his pants and underwear down in the middle of the hall… Yeah, college didn’t really agree with young Spencer, but he didn’t want to tell her about that. She didn’t have to know horrible the experience had been for him at times. She always seemed to get so upset when something bad happened to him and he didn’t want to tell her anything which would shift the mood from the calmness that was washing over them.
To be fair, Leah was hiding things too. He asked if she had any siblings, to which Leah had frozen and gotten fidgety, avoiding his eyes. She had muttered that she had a brother, and that was enough for Spencer to realize that he shouldn’t push any further on the matter. He knew it must be a sensitive subject and assumed she’d tell him when and if she wanted to. He quickly changed the subject after that and the tone of the conversation lightened again. She was telling him loads of things about her life in New York, but she hardly ever mentioned her family. There were small slips here and there, but that was for stories she probably regarded as safe to tell. But she didn’t speak about them directly, it was always stuff like “this one time me and my family went to”. Spencer never asked.
“Shrimps and wine?” Spencer asked with a laugh, finding the combination weird. Leah had just told him that the first time she had gotten blackout drunk was at a party at one of her neighbors’ house where they ate shrimp and drank wine.
“Well, yeah! I know it sounds weird,” Leah laughed, taking another sip of her tea before leaning over to put her mug on the table. “So, for some reason the neighbourhood we lived in was widely popular amongst immigrants. We had a few Latino families, some Canadians, Asians, Europeans, you name it. Anyway, this one family, the parents were probably in their mid thirties or something back then and they were from Norway of all places. I mean, I didn’t even know that was a country before I met them! I blame the American educational system for that, by the way,” she laughed, her beaming. “Anyway, it’s apparently a big deal over there to eat, like, I think it’s frozen shrimps, but they’re thawned, though. And they eat it on a slice of whitebread with loads of mayo and… I think they also used lemonjuice to squeeze over it-”
“That-that just sounds disgusting,” Spencer cut her off. He had never been much fan of seafood and what she was describing was not something he was tempted to try.
“It does, but it was actually delicious!” Leah assured him eagerly. He could only give her a wary look, still not fully believing her. “Well, they used to eat this during the summer when it was really nice weather and white wine was typically something they drank with it. So, they invited me over this one time and… Gosh, I was probably seventeen-eighteen at the time, and I hadn’t drank that much before, maybe a beer or two at a few parties or so. And it was just supposed to be like a cocktail-party, you know, not like a full on rave-party. But these people just kept bringing on bottle after bottle and I got so drunk. Like, you have no idea.” Leah laughed so hard at that and Spencer couldn’t help but mirror her.
“So, they basically got a minor drunk?” Spencer chuckled. She gave him a teasing smile.
“As if you didn’t drink before twenty-one,” she scoffed.
“I didn’t,” Spencer told her. She narrowed her eyes at him before lifting a hand to point accusingly.
“That’s just pure bullshit.” Spencer lifted his hands in surrender at that, shaking his head a little at the absurdity of their conversation. His face was hurting from smiling and laughing so much, but it was worth it. “But you know, Norwegians are a lot more chill when it comes to alcohol. They can drink legally at 18 or whatever, and most of them drink way before that. And that party was just supposed to be a few drinks. If anything, it was my fault for not stopping after the second glass. I think I ended up downing an entire bottle on my own.” Leah laughed. “Damn, let me tell you this; they sure as hell know how to drink because they had least double the amount I had and they weren’t even slightly affected. Sure, they were, like, double my age, but still.”
“Sounds like great people.” Spencer rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile.
“They were,” she assured him. She paused for a moment, as if think about something. “Well, I blame them for my coffee addiction.” She laughed. Spencer quirked an eyebrow up at that.
“What, so a bunch of Norwegians got you drunk for the first time and also got you addicted to coffee? Yeah, I’m sure they were great.” He chuckled. From the way her eyes twinkled when she mentioned them, he was certain they must’ve been good people. She seemed to have really liked them at least. They delared that the reason behind her addiction was that Norwegians drink an excessive amount of coffee, which Leah told him with this proud twinkle in her eye. She rambled on about the fact and Spencer couldn’t understand why everyone got so annoyed when he rambled if he looked anything remotely like she did in that moment. She was so adorable when she got excited and Spencer thought he’d never get tired of it.
Leah also told him that after she got drunk the family had let her stay the night to sleep off her hangover, not wanting to send her home to her parents drunk off her ass. She had supposedly puked a lot. “How Mrs. Hansen let me babysit her kids after that night is a mystery,” she had told him with that amused laughter. During their conversation Spencer had shifted to stretch his legs out, popping them onto Leah’s table with her permission. That had prompted Leah to shuffle even a little closer, her feet under his thigh and her hand settled into his hair again. Spencer took that as a sign that he could play with her fingers on her free hand and conversation turned light once more, but this time with a little hint of tension in the air.
“Tell me something, Doc,” Leah whispered. Her face was so close that Spencer imagined he could feel her breath fanning over his neck. In reality she was too far away for his liking, but he didn’t dare push his luck.
“What do you want me to tell you?” He asked, turning his head to look at her. He pushed his head a little into her gentle touch, almost purring at the sensation.
“Anything,” she murmured. He could tell that she was getting tired and he was too. It was way past midnight, but he couldn’t find it in himself to go home. “You’re so smart. Tell me something I don’t know.” Spencer raised an eyebrow at that.
“Like what? I don’t know what you know or don’t know,” he told her.
“Like…” Leah paused to take a long breath. When she released it Spencer was sure he could feel, goosebumps rising on his skin. “Why is the sky blue? What is your favorite quote? And…” She bit her lip, looking up at him through her lashes. He noticed how her pupils dilated just slightly and he felt himself swallowing thickly. “And why do I feel so safe here with you even though I hardly know you?” The breath that escaped him was shuddered and shaky. He could only look at her for a moment, wondering if he’d really heard correctly.
“Well… Gases and particles in the atmosphere scatter the sunlight in all direction. The blue and violet light are what is reflected back to our eyes, but since our eyes are most sensitive to blue light, the sky appears blue.” He tried to explain as easily as possible.
“So the sky could actually be purple?” Leah asked, her eyes widening in wonder. Spencer wanted to savour that look because it was so pure.
“In a way, I guess you can say that.” He smiled before licking his lips, wondering how he should answer her other questions. Maybe he should just be honest without being honest. “As for your…” He trailed off when his voice cracked. He cleared his throat, trying to drop his voice another notch before speaking up again. “As for your third question, I think it can be answered with my favorite quote… Emily Jenkins once said; ‘Love is when you give someone else the power to destroy you, and you trust them not to do it’.” Spencer whispered quietly, watching her expression the whole time in case he’d said something wrong. There, he had said it. Or actually, he had suggested that she loved him, which he wasn’t entirely certain was correct just yet, but this was still his way of telling her that he loved her without actually saying anything.
Leah’s eyes softened so much after that and he wondered what was going through her head in that moment. With all of Spencer’s talents, with all the things he could do with his brilliant mind, he’d give anything for one of those abilities to be able to read her thoughts. Just get a quick glance into her mind so he could know for sure. He was a profiler after all, so he had a general idea, but this was different. You can’t profile love.
“She sounds like a very smart woman,” Leah whispered after what had felt like an eternity. She laid her head down to rest on her extended arm, looking at him with this look that made Spencer all warm inside. Her hand squeezed his which were still holding her and her other started playing with his hair again. He hadn’t even realized she had stopped.
Spencer glanced down at her lips, licking his own as all he thought about was pressing forward just a few inches. He was dying to do it in that moment and knew he would regret it later if he didn’t, if he’d let this chance go. But he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. He couldn’t afford to push her too far, act too soon. All the what-if-scenarios running around in his head.
“She is,” he finally responded, his voice so hoarse it was pathetic. But Leah didn’t seem to mind, she just had a content, but sleepy look on her face. They went back to chatting for another hour or so, the tension still obviously hanging thickly in the air but neither party acted on it. Around 1:30 A.M. Leah fell asleep again, her head resting on her arm. Her fingers were still tangled in his short locks, but they were unmoving as she slept peacefully. Spencer wanted to wake her so she could sleep in a more comfortable position, but he couldn’t find it in himself to disturb her. He was also terrified she would kick him out once she realized it way past bedtime. So, he watched her sleep, which he realized was very creepy, but couldn’t turn his eyes away.
Leah didn’t end up sleeping for that long, maybe an hour or so before a frown settled on her face and a small groan escaped her lips. Spencer couldn’t look away when her eyes fluttered open. He probably should’ve pretended that he hadn’t watched her, maybe act as though he’d fallen asleep too, but he didn’t.
“Did you watch me sleep?” Leah asked, her voice rough with sleep. Her fingers tugged lightly on roots of his hair and a shudder wrecked his body at the simple act.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “You look cute when you sleep.” Leah laughed at that.
“I snore,” she scoffed. Spencer smiled at that. She did snore and loudly, too. But that just reminded him that she was real, that she wasn’t something his mind had made up.
“Adorably so,” he whispered back. Leah just hummed as she rolled her shoulders and neck, probably trying to get rid of some kinks. Retracting both her hands, she rubbed her neck and he could hear it crack and pop as she moved her head to the left and right.
“Do you want to stay the night?” She asked after a short while of silence. Spencer found himself nodding, probably a little too eager. Leah just laughed at that, untangling herself from the mess of blankets. “Alright, well… I probably don’t have any spare clothes that will fit you, but I actually do have an extra toothbrush,” she told him, standing up from the couch and offering him a hand. Spencer took it even though he stood up with minimal effort or help from her side.
“It’s okay,” Spencer told her. He had fallen asleep in his everyday clothes many times before. He could always shower and change when he got home in the morning… which he dreaded since that meant he’d have to leave this little bubble of theirs. Spencer tried to shake that thought as he grabbed his bookbag from the front door before following Leah through the door on the right. It led to what he assumed was her bedroom, given the full sized bed pushed all the way up in the corner of the room, laundry hamper, dresser and wardrobe. It was very simple, but then how much do you actually need in one room.
Leah opened another door and gestured him into the bathroom. He followed her as she started roaming through her cabinets, retrieving a new toothbrush which was still in its wrapping.
“Have at it,” she told him, turning around to smile at him. “I have washcloths and towels in the cabinet over there. I don’t know what you like to do before going to bed, but you’re welcome to take a shower as well if you want.” She shrugged before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Spencer decided to do his business first, wash his hands properly before popping his contacts out and disposing of them in a small stretch of toiletpaper. After rolling it up and throwing it away in the small trashcan, he decided to wash up a little. He typically would wash in the morning, since he had a tendency to sweat a lot in his sleep, but for some reason he also wanted to clean up a little in that moment. He roamed through her cabinets, finding a washcloth and small towel. Putting them down on the sink, he started undressing. His sweatervest and tie ended up stuffed into his bag along with his socks. Taking off his socks was a huge mistake, though. There was no warmth in the flooring and the tiles were icecold underneath his feet.
He finished washing his face and armpits rather quickly, using the bottle of soap she had in the shower. It was flowery and fruity and he didn’t care too much for it, but he imagined the smell on Leah and that made him smile. He put on some deodarent which he had in his bag and started digging around until he found his toothbrush. He always had a little emergency kit in his bag and might as well use his own stuff instead of using Leah’s. After putting the towel and cloth in the laundryhamper - Leah hadn’t said anything about that, but he had assumed that was a safe thing to do - he quickly buttoned up his shirt again, leaving the top two free just so he wouldn’t choke in his sleep. After cleaning up the counter as best as he could, he grabbed her toothpaste. He had his own, but he wondered what hers tasted like. Again, that should be creepy, but he actually hated his own toothpaste and maybe hers was better. If it was then he could memorise the brand and buy a tube of his own. He satisfied himself that that sounded less creepy, even though he knew it didn’t.
Still with the brush in his mouth, he knocked gently on the door. Usually, people would knock on the outside of the bathroomdoor before entering, not before exiting, but he had no idea what she was doing. Maybe she was changing on the other side of the door and he didn’t want to just barge out on her if she was halfnaked. That would definitely scare her away. And despite his very strong feelings he felt like he wasn’t quite there yet, wasn’t quite ready to see her nude yet.
“I’m decent!” Leah called from the other side, probably realizing exactly what he was thinking. He slowly pushed the door open, stopping to lean against the entrance as he crossed one of his arms over his chest, the other one working to clean his teeth properly.
“I had my own toothbrush in my bag,” he told her, trying to speak as properly as possible with a mouth full of foam. Leah grinned at him, amusement glinting in her eyes. “You done soon? Can I just grab my own toothbrush?” She asked, standing up from the bed. Spencer noted that she had changed out of her former clothes and into a pair of red basketballshorts and a simple white t-shirt.
He nodded at her and moved out of the way as she brushed past him into the small space. She grabbed her own toothbrush and Spencer grimaced internally when she put toothpaste on first before wetting it under the running water. Any normal person would know that you wet the brush first, then apply toothpaste and then wet it again… But then again, Leah was far from normal. As she started brushing, she moved back into her bedroom, opening the tall wardrobe and pulling out a few spare pillows. Spencer spit into the sink before turning to watch her.
“How many pillows do you need?” Leah asked, her words slurred and almost incoherent as she spoke around her toothbrush.
“Just one is fine,” he shrugged, even though her back was turned to him and she couldn’t see it. She turned then, giving him a look of horror.
“Just one?!” She shrieked as if it was the most horrendous thing she had ever heard. “Dude, I use, like… three!” She laughed a little too hard because some toothpaste ran down the corner of her mouth which only made Spencer snort around his own toothbrush and cough when he accidently swallowed wrong. They both ran over to the sink then, spitting and rinsing their mouths as they tried not to laugh their asses off. She playfully hit his shoulder as he bumped his hip into hers when she moved to stand in front of the mirror, giving him next to no access to the sink. He decided to just lean over her, the perk of being taller than her, and was able to rinse off his toothbrush. When he was done and went in search of the container for the brush, he was suddenly very aware of how close they were. He was sort of towering just behind her as she rinsed her mouth with a cup of water. If she were to step a little further back, her ass would brush against his groin. He swallowed thickly at the thought, feeling himself harden a little in his pants. He really couldn’t help it. He was a man after all.
He took a step backwards and Leah caught his eye in the mirror. She gave him a knowing smirk as his cheeks reddened, but she didn’t comment on it. Instead, she handed him his container over her shoulder and he took it with a thin smile of gratitude. He grabbed his bag and disappeared out the door, closing it behind himself to give her some privacy. He desperately tried to shake any dirty thoughts from his head as he pulled his belt off, balling it up and stuffing it into his bag along with his toothbrush. He then disposed of it by the front door before he decided to start cleaning up the livingroom a little. He folded all their blankets and draped them over the back of the couch, trying to make it look as aesthetically pleasing as possible. He knew Leah wouldn’t really care, but he liked to think maybe she’d appreciate his efforts. After putting their mugs in the sink and just leaving them there, deciding that doing dishes in the middle of the night might not be very popular, he was left with nothing to do. So, he sat back down on the couch, hands drumming lightly on his knees as he waited for Leah to come and say good night.
“What are you doing?” Leah’s quiet voice startled him a minute or so later. He jumped almost ten foot in the air, or at least it felt like it, and turned to look at her. She just laughed. “Do you wanna sleep on the couch?” She asked, leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed lightly over her chest.
“Well… Yeah, sure,” he responded, a little confused. Her couch was big and actually really comfortable. He suspected he might actually end up sleeping better on it than he would in his own bed.
“Alright…” Leah drew out the word, then paused for a second or so. “You know you’re welcome to share the bed, right? I know it’s kinda a snug fit, but if you don’t mind I won’t either,” she told him, crossing one ankle over the other as she leaned even further into the doorway. Spencer could only watch her in a mix of shock and hope. He would like nothing more than to fall asleep next to her, in her bed none the less. And she had been the one to bring it up, so that meant she was comfortable with the idea, right? Unless she was just saying that to be polite.
Leah’s deep sigh is what drew him out of his thoughts. He shook his head a little to clear it even further as he all but stared at her.
“You know, I’m not a profiler or anything, but I can practically see that genius brain of your malfunctioning,” she teased lightly. “Sleep on the couch if you want. If not, you know where I’ll be,” she told him before disappearing into the bedroom. She left the door wide open and Spencer had to think about it for a moment. She hadn’t given him any pillows yet, but he could always use the one already on the couch. And he had access to plenty of blankets to keep him comfortable. But she had also given him an opportunity he couldn’t resist. It was just to sleep, right? It didn’t have to mean anything other than the fact that she was comfortable around him. He had slept in the same bed with a handful people before without it ever being more than just sleeping.
Slowly, he got to his feet and trudged into Leah’s bedroom. He found her sitting in the middle of her bed, phone in her hand as if she was checking a message or something. She gave him a smile before turning her phone off and putting it on the nightstand.
“Which, uhm…” Spencer paused for a moment, still not entirely certain this was a very good idea. “Which side do you want?” He asked finally, forcing the words out. She smiled softly and gestured to the spot under the window by the wall. She moved a little to the other side of the bed, giving him space to crawl in. He grabbed the pillow still discarded on the foot before settling under the covers. Even though her bed wasn’t the biggest she still had a doubleduvet which he thought was brilliant. It was always something he’d thought about investing in, perfect for cold nights, but he’d never gotten around to buy it yet.
“I’m sorry,” Leah whispered once the lights were out. She had crawled under the covers as well, head resting on her - and yes, she wasn’t kidding - three pillows. Spencer turned on his side to look at her. The room was still dimly lit with the light from the street coming in through the window which lacked curtains. It was still hard to make out her features since his vision was a little blurry with his contacts.
“About what?” He whispered back. Despite the limited space Spencer had crowded up against the wall, leaving almost a foot of room between them.
“I’m a very touchy-feely person,” she mumbled. “That’s why I used to be addicted to sex… Touch starved, I guess. I just liked… having that closeness to other people, but it was always just sex and nothing more. I’m not good with… relationships, I guess. But I’m really comfortable around you. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me,” she explained, her voice painfully quiet. Spencer understood what she was talking about. He had never been overly fond of physical contact before, but after what happened with Tobias Hankel he felt that craved closeness to other people even more than the Dilaudid.
Spencer shuffled a little closer, taking his pillow with him until he practically right next to her without actually touching. He snaked his arm under her mountain of pillows, looking her in the eyes before slowly draping his other arm over her shoulders.
“Is this okay?” He asked, his voice hushed and he wondered if she could even hear it.
“Is this okay?” She whispered back, snuggling just a little bit closer. She wrapped her own arm around his ribs, her hand coming to rest along his spine. Her knees drew up a little to touch his thighs. Tentatively, they tested the waters; each of them moving closer to the other and checking for any sort of negative reaction. It was sort of like a game; how close could they get before the other one would feel uncomfortable. The answer: very close. They ended up completely tangled, one of Leah’s legs between both his, her other one curled up to wrap around his hip. She had one hand pressed in between them, the other one stroking incoherent patterns on his back. Both of his arms were wrapped around her in some way and her head rested against her pillows, his neck bent down so he could press his forehead against hers. There was practically no more space left between them and he still felt like they weren’t close enough.
“This is okay,” he declared after they had finally stopped moving. Leah hummed, nuzzling her head against his as if she could possibly somehow get even closer. She couldn’t, but Spencer straightened his neck so he could press his mouth to her forehead. He pursed his lips, finding the courage to steal a gentle kiss even though it wasn’t on her lips. In that moment he’d take anything he could.
Story summary: Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Chapter summary: Leah wakes up the day after her assult and has to deal with the fact that she for a brief time was conciddered a suspect in Spencer’s case. At the same time, the BAU has a lead on who the real unsubs might be.
Warnings: Angst, mention of vomiting and blood for those who needs a warning for that.
Leah woke up the next morning with a killer headache. Or “woke up” might be an exaggeration. She had barely slept anything. She had tried, but in the end it was hard falling asleep and when she actually did she’d either wake up panting from some sort of nightmare she couldn’t even remember or a nurse would shake her awake to check on her. Throughout the night she probably dosed off for 45 minutes at the most in one sitting. By the time the earliest light of the day shone in through the thin curtains in her room and nightshift switched to morning, she was utterly exhausted.
The night had been pure hell. When she’d had trouble sleeping all she wanted to do was take a short walk or at least get some fresh air, like she tended to at home. So, at around four in the morning she had wandered the hall in the quiet night, just wanting to stretch her legs a little and get a change of scenery. There wasn’t much to look at in her room after all and the longer she spent staring blankly at the wall in front of her, the more insane she felt.
The nurse on call had caught her shuffling up and down the empty corridor and had ushered her back to her room. Leah had tried to argue, but it went to deaf ears. The nurse, Hannah her nametag read, was nice though. After following Leah back to her room she even spent ten-fifteen minutes in there with her and they just talked. Leah liked that part, it didn’t make her feel so lonely, but when the other nurse had to leave to finish up her rounds for the night, Leah understood. She also understood that she needed rest herself. She had sustained massive trauma. After all the tests had been run, the doctor who she’d barely had any interactions with, came to talk to her about the results. She had a broken nose which they simply snapped back into place. That had to be one of the worst experiences in her life, the excruciating pain, the tears welling up in her eyes, hearing the bone crack and actually feeling the nose shift half an inch or so back into place. That was something she really hoped she would never have to experience again, at least not while being awake. And she had regretted right then that she’d declined painmedication.
She also suffered a broken cheekbone which they were going to do nothing about. It would heal on its own eventually. She had also gotten minor cracks in the back of her skull, again nothing too bad, but that had been the most concerning one of her injuries. They had decided to admit her for the night under observation, just in case she’d suddenly develop a bleeding or something from all the headtrauma. They’d also put her on some medication to prevent any bleeding for happening in the first place. She wasn’t in so bad condition that she needed oxygen or IV, so she was satisfied with that. It just made her feel a little bit... healthier, in a way. Even as the night grew closer she still declined anything for the pain.
Her throat luckily hadn’t gotten any severe injuries other than being sore. It hurt when she talked, swallowed and tried to eat. It was just like a really bad cold, so she knew she’d live. She knew she had a gash on her forehead, but her pain was worse in the back of her head so she barely even registered the cut other than when it was itching. All in all she’d be fine, eventually. The emotional scarring was probably the worst.
Her concussion wasn’t that noticeable unless she looked directly at a source of light, moved around or talked. If she was able to lay still she could try to forget about it since the pounding in her head would be at a more tolerable level. That all changed a little before 5 A.M. She had probably fallen asleep briefly, been out of consciousness for no longer than ten minutes when she shot out of bed. She barely made it to the bathroom on her wobbly legs before her stomach emptied its content into the toilet. And that made the nausea which had creeped up on her out of nowhere even worse. Leah was used to nasty things; blood and gore, feces, puss from wounds whatever it may be had never bothered her. She could litterary be washing shit off the wall for an entire day and not even wrinkle her nose. But vomit? That was a no go for her. Vomit, just the sound of someone emptying their guts or the smell or sight, all of it made her sick.
Which was kind of ironic whenever she’d get a stomachbug. She’d be hunched over the toilet, puking her guts out, then get nauseous about the fact that she’d just puked and then throw up again. It was like a vicious circle. And that was exactly what she was doing in hospital as well. She probably blacked out at some point, but got to her feet around 5:30.
After finishing up in the bathroom she went out into the hall again, asking Hannah when she found her if she could get a toothbrush and some toothpaste. She knew that was something they had in storage for some weird reason. Hannah got her what she needed and after brushing out the horrible taste in her mouth she felt a little better. All the time she spent in the bathroom she deliberately glanced anywhere but the mirror. She knew she looked like hell, but she didn’t want to see it just yet. She slept for probably thirty more minutes after that and the rest of the morning was restless.
Her mind kept wandering to Spencer and her heart felt a little sadder. She remembered most of what Agent Emily had told her during their conversation. Spencer had never believed it was her, even though all his friends thought the opposite. She had been surprised to learn that someone actually thought she was capable of shooting someone, but she couldn’t take it personally. Like Emily had said, she did have a shady past. She would never hurt a fly, though. She’d never spiral out of control like the man who had attacked her. Of course the FBI wouldn’t know that, and even though having that conversation with the agent was hard it seemed like she understood where Leah was coming from. She had even let her hug her afterwards. Spencer’s friends were good, just like him. They didn’t have some sort of vendetta against her, they just wanted answers. Leah could understand that.
She couldn’t help but wonder what Spencer must have thought. From what Emily had told her, then he was upset. She wondered what he must feel about her now. She liked Spencer. He was a good person, but there was also something else drawing her to him. She had no idea if it the fact that she still felt responsible for him or if there was something else. She knew deep down that hoping for more; more time with him, getting to know him more, growing more close… It was ridiculous. She hardly even knew him, but she still wanted to. And that scared her.
The doctors visit was fairly early in the Neurology unit and she had her dischargepapers in her hand before 10 in the morning. That made her feel a little better, but not much. She still had to wait in the hospital until the evening shift would arrive. Before going home last night, Dr. Ruiz had come to check on her, telling her that he would be working the following morning as well and that he’d take her home at the end of his shift. Even though Leah felt horrible about people having to take care of her, she had actually smiled at the information. Dr. Ruiz was kind of like Spencer in a way; too good for her.
And since she had some time to kill before being able to go home, she decided to help the nurse on call that morning with cleaning out her room. The nurse had been nice enough to let her lend a hand and in a way she reminded her a little of Sophie. It made her smile. Just as they were about to put a new sheet around the bed, a knock sounded softly on the open door behind her. Both nurses turned to see a blond woman standing there. Leah recognized her, but couldn’t recall her name. She knew she was one of Spencer’s friends and if she was ever in doubt the badge the woman was sporting on the line of her jeans made her know she was right.
“I see you’re getting out here,” she noted with a smile. “I’m Agent Jareau. Do you have a minute to talk privately before you go?” She introduced herself.
“I can finish up here later,” the other nurse said before excusing herself out of the room. Leah just smiled before sitting down in one of the chairs, offering the other to the agent. She closed the door behind her, theen took a seat as well.
“How are you holding up?” She asked in such a gentle sweet voice. Leah didn’t know the first thing about reading other people, but she could somehow tell that she was a mother. And a good one. It was something about the tone in her voice.
“I’m good, I think. Well… good, all things considered, I guess.” Leah shrugged.
“Is it normal for patients to help with cleaning out the room?” Agent Jareau asked, nodding towards the half-finished bed. Leah laughed at that, as softly as she could manage so her headache wouldn’t worsen.
“I clean out probably four or five rooms every single shift,” Leah explained. The agent raised an eyebrow.
“But now you’re a patient now, not on call.” She smiled softly.
“Yeah, well… I guess I just wanted to help out a little before I leave. It’s not that big of a deal,” Leah shrugged again as she crossed her ankle over her knee. “So, what’s up?”
“Well, we got the DNA-results back from under your fingernails and I wanted to ask you a few follow-up questions, if that’s alright. I know you talked to Agent Prentiss last night, but she’s occupied with something else, so I hope it’s okay that you’re stuck with me on this one,” Agent Jareau informed her and Leah could only nod. She did feel safe with Agent Prentiss, Emily, since she felt that they’d really gotten a good connection after their previous conversation. But Agent Jareau seemed just as sweet and it was just a few questions. She could manage that.
“Sure,” she said, cursing herself for how hoarse her voice sounded. “Fire away.”
“Does the name Edgar Demtry mean anything to you?” The agent asked. Leah raked her brain for a moment. It did sound familiar, but she couldn’t place her finger on exactly where she’d heard it. She let out a sigh and stood from the chair.
“I… I feel like I recall the name, but I’m not sure,” She said, moving to stand in front of the window. She liked windows for some reason. It made her calm, just staring out even if the view wasn’t overly beautiful. It was just a thing she had. God only knows how long she’d spent thinking about anything and nothing in front of a window.
“Well, I have a picture of him. Do you want to take a look?” Agent Jareau opened the file Leah hadn’t noticed before then. She grabbed the first thing in there and extended the photo towards her. Leah took a few strides over to grab it. She’d always been better at remembering faces than names. But the picture gave her nothing. The man looked like any other person, middleaged with greying hair on the sides, a neatly trimmed beard also littered with specks of grey. The only thing that stood out was that he had piercing blue eyes and Leah knew she would recognize him from the eyes alone if she had seen him before, but she hadn’t. He was smiling brightly in the photo and it made her stomach turn to think that this probably was the man who had attacked her. He looked… normal. That was the only word she could come up with.
“Was this the man who attacked me?” Leah whispered as she handed the picture back. She returned to the window.
“Yes,” The agent answered. “Have you ever seen him before?” Leah shook her head.
“Never seen him before. With eyes like that I’d remembered if I had,” Leah sighed. “But I feel like I’ve heard the name, though.” She offered, while glancing over her shoulder.
“You know,” Agent Jareau started. “Sometimes our minds want so desperately to make a connection to something that we just… make it up. Because it’s easier to imagine a person we know doing something horrible to us rather than a complete stranger… Because that way it’d make sense.” Even without looking at her Leah could tell that she was smiling sadly.
“I know,” shrugged. “And I honestly can’t tell. I just feel like maybe I’ve heard the name before. Or something similar to it. It just rings a bell, but I can’t tell for sure,” She explained. She brought her hands up to her forehead, rubbing it gently.
“Alright. Well, if you do remember anything you shouldn’t hesitate to call.”
“Did you catch him?” Leah asked, turning around in her spot. She could tell that the agent was finishing up and getting ready to leave. Agent Jareau pursed her lips.
“Not yet, but we have an APB out on him so we’ll find him. Don’t worry,” she assured her. “Which brings me to the second thing I’m here about. We would like to offer you policeprotection until we catch him. Just a precaution, of course.” Leah just stared at her for a moment.
“You think… he might come after me again?” She swallowed thickly. How could she not?
“We… We think it might be a possibility, yes. We don’t know where he is or what his next move might be. We just want to make sure you’re safe.” Agent Jareau had a small smile on her face, probably trying to lighten the mood. Leah couldn’t help but think about Spencer. Did he know about this? Would he want her to be safe, too? Of course he would. He was a good person and he wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt, Leah included.
“My… uh, my coworker is supposed to take me home when his shift ends. How would that work?” She asked.
“Well, we can have a patrol meet you in the lobby and they’ll escort the both of you home. They can either leave you once you get there or we can have them stationed outside your apartment to keep a lookout until we find Demtry. It really does depend on what you’re most comfortable with.”
“Okay… And you would suggest that?” Leah asked, her breath coming out a little shakily. She was really feeling the seriousness of this now. Agent Jareau nodded before speaking again.
“We would, yes. We can’t force security on anyone, so in the end it’s your choice whether you take it or not. But we highly recommend you do, just in case,” she informed her.
“Oh,” Leah couldn’t really say anything else at the moment. It was just a lot to consider. “Would you… recommend security around the clock or just to take me home? Because I really don’t want to steal a patrol like that if they’re needed somewhere else.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that! Really,” Agent Jareau assured her. Then she turned a little more serious. “There are details in the case that I can’t disclose for obvious reasons, but… everything suggests that he might come after you again. And if he does a locked door is not going to stop him. I’m not saying it will happen, but we determined the risk to be high enough to offer you protection. It’s still up to you, though.” Leah didn’t really have to think too hard on the matter. Her conversation with Emily was still fresh in mind and she had decided to heed her advice about starting to look after herself.
“Okay… I think I’ll accept your offer,” she told Agent Jareau with the strongest smile she could muster. It was hard to keep her curouage up with the situation being like it was, but she still tried.
“Alright,” the agent smiled. “I’ll go set it up.” She rose from her chair then, straightening her clothes out a little.
“Can I… Can I just ask one thing?” Leah bit her lip and waited until the agent nodded. “Is… Is Spencer still okay?” The smile on Agent Jareau’s face softened.
“He is,” she told her and Leah felt her chest get a little lighter. “You know, he’s been asking constantly about you… About how you were doing, if he could come see you.” She had a hint of a smirk playing on her lips as she said it. Leah looked away a little sheepishly.
“What did you tell him?” She asked.
“We had to tell him that you were attacked. He was really worried, you know? But we didn’t tell him anything else. He didn’t want to know either. He said that he didn’t want to find out about your past that way, that he’d rather you tell him yourself,” the agent said with a shrug. Leah bit her lip. Spencer had no idea what kind of demons she had. And he respected her enough not to pry either. God, why was he so good?
“So, he doesn’t know about…” Leah trailed off. Agent Jaraeu shook her head.
“He doesn’t know about your brother… Or the rest of your family unless you told him yourself.” She had to ponder on that thought for a moment. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t know. Agent Jaraeu seemed to pause for a moment as well. “Do you want to see him?”
“Can I?” Leah hated how uncertain she sounded.
“Well, he’s been asking to see you… And if you want to, then that’s okay since you’re officially dropped as a suspect now.” Okay, that was news to Leah but she decided not to think too much about it. She wasn’t surprised it would go that way since she was innocent anyway, but it was good to hear that she was actually in the clear. “But if you want to go home and get some rest, then I’m sure he’ll understand.” Honestly, there was nothing Leah wanted more than to see Spencer, just to see with her own two eyes that he was okay. And just see his handsome face and be in his calming presence. But she was also a little anxious.
Leah glanced down at her clothes and winced a little at how ridiculous she looked. They had taken her clothes last night to process as well when they gathered the DNA-sample. One of the nurses had been kind enough to fetch her spareclothes from her closet. She was currently sporting a pair of tan Uggs, a navy pair of sweatpants, a red plaid buttondown and a forestgreen bomberjacket. Nothing matched, neither style- nor colorwise. The combination was horrible. Not that she had ever cared much for appearances. Leah always chose comfort over style anyway, so she wasn’t actually nervous about her clothes. But it made her a little uneasy, a little out of comfort since this wasn’t clothes she typically wore together.
She was more scared about what her face looked like and how Spencer would react. She was certain he wouldn’t cast her aside so quickly, and if he for some stupid reason would, then he really wasn’t worth more of her energy. But she knew he would never think any less of her because of a few bruises that weren’t even her fault. No, she was scared he would pity her. That was what scared her the most.
But she found herself nodding her head to Agent Jaraeu anyway who just smiled softly. Leah followed her out of the room, saying her goodbyes to the nurse on call who was in charge of her room and together the two blondes left Neurology. Agent Jaraeu showed the way and Leah noticed that they weren’t headed for the ICU. They had probably moved Spencer to one of the post-critical units and that didn’t surprise her. He had been surprisingly well considering getting shot and they had talked about moving him the day before, but it was good to know he was well enough to not need intensive care anymore.
Leah didn’t even have to hazard a guess as to which room was Spencer’s. An armed guard was placed outside of it, standing by the door. He was wearing a bulletproof vest, ‘FBI’ written in bold letters on the front, and Leah couldn’t help but think that it was a little too much. He wasn’t exactly subtle or anything and she could notice the tense atmosphere in the unit, the personnel casting glances his way every other second as if they were afraid he’d open fire any second. Of course he wouldn’t, but it was still natural to be uneasy about an armed man in the hospital.
“She’s on the list,” Agent Jaraeu told the guard once they approached him. He just eyed Leah up and down before opening the door for them. “Thank you.” She stepped in first and Leah decided to just hang back a little. “Spence, you have a visitor,” the agent spoke up. Leah took a note of how she called him ‘Spence’ and that’s when she remembered that Agent Jaraeu had been the person Spencer had asked to see first when he had woken up after surgery the morning before. They seemed to be good friends… Were they more than that, though?
Leah stepped into the room, closing her arms a little around her chest as if that could shield her from everything evil in the world. She glanced over at Spencer whose smile only brightened upon looking at her. He looked good, a little more color painting his cheeks and the smile suited him so well. He hadn’t exactly been pale earlier, but he somehow looked more alive now. And he was clothed in his own clothes again which Leah liked to see because it made him look more comfortable.
“Oh!” The other woman in the room exclaimed. Leah recognized her as the lady who always seemed to occupy a chair by Spencer’s side, a laptop always in hand. She remembered that she had some sort of Hispanic name, but she couldn’t recall it like so many other things. “Hi, hi… How are you?” She asked and stood from her chair. She looked like she wanted to offer Leah a hug or something, but wasn’t entirely sure if she was allowed to. Leah just shot her a small smile.
“I’m good,” she said.
“Come on, Garcia. Let’s give them some privacy,” Agent Jaraeu said in that soft voice of hers. The other woman nodded and gathered up her laptop. Leah sanitized her hands while she waited, not because she needed to, but because it was a habit and she needed something to do for the twenty seconds it took the two agents to leave the room.
“How are you?” Spencer asked once they were left alone. His voice was so low she almost hadn’t heard it.
“Do you, uhm… Do you think Terminator out there will mind if I turn the lights off?” She asked instead of answering his question, pointing with her thumb back in the general direction of where the guard was stationed. Spencer shook his head and she noted that his smile was a little sadder. Leah flipped the switch and it didn’t really do much difference. Natural light was flowing in through the windows along with the light from the corridors, but the blinding overhead light was gone and it made Leah a little more comfortable. She grabbed her sunglasses from her face and folded them, stuffing them into the front of her shirt. In some ways it made her feel better since her nose was so swollen and the glasses tightened uncomfortably over the bandage they had put on her bridge. But then again, the light was pure hell. It’d just take some time getting used to, and then she might be able to keep her eyes open without wanting to bash her head in because of the pounding headache.
“Are you allowed to go home already?” Spencer asked once Leah had taken a seat. She just shrugged, trying to force herself to look up at him. She knew she wasn’t exactly a sight to behold, but it was rude not to look at someone you were having a conversation with.
“Well… Believe it or not, I’m actually in better shape than you.” She tried to joke. “Medically speaking, of course,” she added as an afterthought. Spencer chuckled a little.
“Oh, really?” He asked. Leah glanced around the room, looking for nothing in particular.
“I see they’ve removed the catheter,” she noted out loud. Spencer pursed his lips as he nodded.
“Yup,” he popped the ‘p’ as he spoke. “And I’ve already been to the bathroom and everything seems to be working as it should. You’re technically not my nurse anymore, you know?” His glance held so much knowledge, as if he could somehow read her mind and knew exactly what she was thinking.
“Alright, alright,” Leah chuckled, holding her hands up in surrender. Once the laughter died down Leah thought for a moment. There were so many things she wanted to ask him and she had no idea where to start. “Does it ever bother you?” She asked, her voice falling a little quiet again. Spencer hummed.
“What? The catheter?” He shrugged. “Not really. I mean, it’s not exactly-”
“No, no…” Leah cut him off with a dismissive waved of her hand. “I mean… Your-your friends basically thought I was… some psycho who just goes around shooting people. Doesn’t that bother you?” Even though she tried to to avoid his glance she could still feel him looking at her.
“It does,” he said slowly. “My team… they’re probably the closest thing I have to a family, but I felt… angry, disappointed, I guess... that they didn’t trust my instinct when I told them it wasn’t you they were looking for.” His words surprised her. Her eyes shot up to look at him again.
“Wait, wait…” She stopped him before he could say anything else. “You were mad at your team? You were mad at them and not me?” Her eyes narrowed even further out of confusion. She had no idea what to expect, but this certainly wasn’t it. Not even twenty-four hours ago they had thought she had shot him, and even though that was obviously wrong, they still thought she was capable of doing it. They were profilers after all, as Emily had told her. They obviously knew how to read people and figure them out, and if they thought she could snap one day and hurt others, then that should be enough to make anyone run the other way.
“Why would I be mad at you?” Spencer asked. Leah felt a shiver run down her spin at how intensely he was looking at her. She swallowed thickly. “Leah, none of this was your fault.” He shook his head a little, his eyes narrowed probably just as much as hers were.
“But… Your team… they obviously think I’m capable of hurting someone. Doesn’t that… scare you?” She wasn’t sure she would like his answer, but she had to know. His face softened so much it was almost painful to look at.
“You think I’m afraid of you?” He whispered the words. It made her heart clench just a little tighter. He looked like a lost puppy and she could only assume she looked just as hurt. Because she was. He hadn’t given her any indication that he would, but it hurt her to think he might run away.
“I honestly don’t know what to believe at this point, Spencer,” she breathed out. He paused for a moment and she had to glance down again. She couldn’t take the way his eyes roamed every inch of her face as if he was looking for some kind of secret hidden in her features.
“I’m not afraid of you, Leah,” he said the words so softly it brought tears into the corners of her eyes. She blinked them away, not wanting to cry in front of him. “And my team… they don’t believe you did this. Not anymore. They just had a lead and they needed to see it through. They needed answers, I guess. But Emily… she’s one of the best profilers I know. She knows how to read people better than anyone I know. And she said that there was no doubt in her mind. She doesn’t think you did this and doesn’t think you would ever do something like this either. I’m not scared of you, Leah. If anything I’m worried about your wellbeing.” His words were so sincere that Leah couldn’t stop the tear that escaped her eye. It trailed lonely down her cheek before she wiped it away with the sleeve of her jacket.
“Can I…” she paused when her breath came out shaky. “Can I just ask what made them believe I did this?” She asked, finally lifting her glance up again. She could see his tongue come out to wet his lips and he drew the bottom one in between his teeth when he was done. In any other situation it would’ve been a sight to behold, but right now she couldn’t think about anything but what he had to say.
“Well… first of all we think we’re looking for some kind of medic,” he told her. That made her frown. During their conversation yesterday Leah had reacted when he had asked who may know that pushing air into the main arteries could kill a person. He had seemed interested in knowing, but she hadn’t made the connection as to why until now. And even now she didn’t know why they thought Spencer’s shooter was a medic.
“Is this because of what I said about embolisms?” She asked, not entirely following his train of thought. He nodded. “But, Spencer… you didn’t have any embolisms… You were just shot and considering the abdomen is a dangerous territory, you’re actually surprisingly lucky to not have worse injuries.” Spencer didn’t say anything, just chewing nervously on his lip as if he had no idea how much he should tell her.
“I can’t tell you everything until we close the case.” He told her eventually. Leah scoffed. She was even more confused now and it was making her uneasy. It was kind of obvious that he couldn’t share intimate details of an ongoing investigation, but it felt like he didn’t trust her. She tried to think rationally about it, but she had a problem with putting her heart too much into her thoughts.
“I get that,” she sighed. “But what can you tell me?”
“We think… that I’m not the only victim. The perpetrator, we typically call them unsub. It stands for ‘unknown subject’,” he started explaining. Leah nodded slowly, urging him to continue. “We think the unsub has shot other people. Some of the victims were killed after their recovery and… one of them died in the hospital and the autopsy was inconclusive. That’s why we think we might be looking for someone with medicalknowledge… someone who knows how to kill without leaving evidence on the body and has interacted with the victims while they were in the hospital,” he told her carefully, as if he was either afraid of how she’d react or if he was oversharing.
“Oh my God,” Leah breathed. That was a lot to take in. She put her head in her hands as she tried to contemplate everything. “So… Let me get this right; you, your team, whatever… You didn’t just think I had shot you. You thought I’d run around on some kind of spree, shooting other people as well and then… What? Kill them later? You do realize that sounds crazy, right?” A little nervous laugh escaped her, because she had no idea how to feel about this or how to react. She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh hysterically or cry her eyes out.
“No, Leah. I never thought you did this,” Spencer tried to assure her, but there was no use.
“You thought I was a murderer, Spencer!” She all but yelled at him, shooting out of her chair so fast she got dizzy. He was out of his bed so quickly she didn’t even register it before his hands were on her, palms closing gently around her upperarms to steady her swaying form.
“Hey, hey,” he said in such a soothing tone that she couldn’t help it when her body instantly reacted to it. “Leah, listen to me. I never for one second thought you did this. I know you and-”
“You don’t know me” she snapped, her voice so sharp Spencer took a step back, dropping his hands from her. She brought her hand up, pointing a finger at him. “You… you don’t know shit.” The look that flashed across his face was priceless, as if someone had just slapped him. He slowly took a seat on the edge of the bed, just holding her glance as if it was a principle. With a deep sigh to calm down again, Leah sat back in her chair, much closer to Spencer now that he was sitting on the edge. She leaned forward a little, resting her elbows on her knees and burying her head in her palms.
She hadn’t meant to snap at him like that and it wasn’t fair. She just really didn’t want Spencer to think he knew her when he didn’t. Leah had been through so much and she was scared of letting people get close to her, see the real her. Everyone she had ever cared about, she had ended up losing. Sammy and her parents were gone, old friends had drifted so far away it’d just be awkward to pick up the phone and call them after all these years. Dr. Ruiz was probably the closest thing she had to… Well, anything at the moment, and not even he knew the half of it. She was completely and utterly alone. And so far that had been just fine. Easier to live like that than get her expectations up only for people to let her down. The more heartbreak she could save herself, the better.
“I’m sorry,” she sighed after a few minutes. Spencer hadn’t reached out for her once, probably realizing she needed a little space. But he had stayed right there on the bed, just an arms length away in case she’d need to reach out. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh, it’s just… You really don’t know me. You don’t know the half of what I’ve been through, and I’m just scared that if you do… You’d run the other way,” she told him honestly. She still didn’t dare look up at him. She tried not to flinch when a hand landed on her shoulder. Spencer just squeezed it reassuringly before letting go.
“I’ve been through some stuff, too,” he mumbled. “And quite frankly I worry about the same thing sometimes. But our traumas don't define us. I’m not scared of you, Leah. And it’d take a lot more than just a bad past for me to run the other way.” She wanted to believe him. She really did, but she was so broken and there were a lot of things she needed to work through before she could take that chance.
“Do you, uhm…” She paused, trying to hide her sniffle as she lifted her head again. “Do you mind if I use your bathroom for a sec?” She asked. Spencer looked suspicious, as if he knew that she was avoiding the conversation. As she waited for him to answer she took a really good look at him. He was dressed in a hoodie which looked way too big for him, the sleeves covering his hands but Leah could still note that he had an IV on his left hand. The pajamapants he was wearing looked a lot more comfortable than her own pair and she also took a mental note of his mismatched socks. He looked way too adorable like this and she briefly wondered if this was the type of clothes he’d wear at home.
“Of course,” Spencer said, leaning a little further back on the bed. “Take your time.” Leah didn’t even state her gratitude, she just stood and left for the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and made a beeline for the sink. She hadn’t really needed to use the toilet, she just needed some space to clear her mind.
For the first time she forced herself to look at her reflection and she was shocked at how horrible she looked. Not only were her clothes still an awful combination, her hair was also a mess. It didn’t really hit her until then that the last time she had washed her hair was last Thursday. She had planned on showering once she’d get home from the library that Sunday, but when she got called into work and with everything else that’s happened the last few days she hadn’t really thought much of it. She had possibly never seen her hair that mad, not even after over a week without washing it. It was greasy, tangled and somehow dirty. She could even see small specks of dried blood in her roots by her right temple. They had cleaned the blood from the cut, but apparently not scrubbed her hair well enough to get it all out.
The skin over her eyebrow was split open, the only thing holding it together were three small pieces of medical tape which she knew could come off soon. The cut wasn’t overly deep and had already clogged up. But it still looked bad. But not as bad as the rest of her face. Her nose was swollen and the cast they had put over it just made it look worse, to be honest. Her eyes were ringed pretty bad but the swelling wasn’t too bad. Neither was her left cheek, which sported a massive mark, the skin just slightly raised. All things considered she didn’t look that bad. But she was far from a pretty sight.
“Well, fuck!” She breathed, lifting her hand to touch her cheek. It was tender even with a gentle touch, but she hadn’t expected anything else. She slowly let her hand glide down, gingerly grazing her fingers over the markings on her throat. It looked completely ravished and she could see that handprints had appeared. It made her shudder, just thinking that a man had had his hands wrapped around her neck like that.
She stayed in the bathroom just looking at herself in the mirror for what felt like hours, although in reality it was probably just another ten minutes or so. When Spencer knocked gently on the door, startling her out of her own selfdestructive thoughts and asked if she was alright, she told him she’d be out in a minute. But one minute was probably closer to three. When she finally emerged from the bathroom Spencer was sitting on the bed again, facing her with his head tilted just slightly to the side.
“Are you okay?” He asked. Leah just closed her eyes and sighed.
“I think I will be,” she told him, looking at him again and trying to offer him her best smile. “I’ll just need some time, I think. To get through all of this.” She shrugged her shoulders as she slowly made her way for the door. She didn’t really want to leave, but she also knew she couldn’t stay there forever.
“Will you let me help you?” Spencer bit his lip, looking nervous as if she’d shoot him down. Leah couldn’t help the small but genuine smile that spread across her lips. How could a man she had barely met make her feel all these emotions?
“Do you really think I’m worth it?” She asked, crossing her arms as she spoke. The look that crossed his face was one unlike anything she had ever seen before; admiration, hope, hurt, sadness and something else she couldn’t allow herself to process just yet, crossed into one feature.
“Leah, I think you’re worth everything,” he spoke in that gentle voice which she knew he couldn’t tell lies with. He was so unbelievably soft and gentle and good. How was he even real?
“Okay,” she breathed out, feeling her whole body shaking with emotions. He just looked at her for a moment and she could see it in his eyes; how he wanted to reach out for her, but was scared that it might be too much.
“You know,” he started, licking his lips nervously before he continued. “My doctor says I’m allowed, and actually encouraged, that I move around a bit and leave the room to get some change in scenery. Do you want to go and grab a cup of coffee?” He looked so hopeful right there and then and she hated to blow him down.
“Well, my doctor actually told me I should try to cut down on the caffeine for the next few days.” She told him, pursing her lips and giving him this look which told him she didn’t want him to ask her to do anything else. Not right now anyway. She needed some space and rest.
“Oh.” The way his face fell made her feel bad.
“Honestly, I just want to go home and sleep for, like, four days straight,” she stated the truth, feeling utterly drained. “But uhm… I’m put on mandatory leave for the next three weeks and I’m probably gonna be bored out of my mind... And I have nothing in my apartment to keep me occupied, so I might end up spending a lot of time in the library.” She looked up at him under her lashes, hoping he’d get the message. A small, fond smile spread across his face.
“I always spend my days off at the library,” he stated, which was not surprising. “I hope I’ll see you there one day.”
“I hope so, too, Spencer,” Leah whispered as she opened the door behind her. “Take care of yourself, huh?”
“You too, Leah.” And with that she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind herself. Leaving Spencer’s room she felt both a little lighter and heavier at the same time. She had gotten some answers, but there were also several questions raised. Her concussion also made it hard for her to truly wrap her head around everything. She realized that there were things Spencer couldn’t tell her, and that was alright. She only hoped that one day she’d get to know everything so that she could make sense of it all. But for right now she knew that both she and Spencer would be alright and that’s what mattered the most. The rest she could work out later.
The corridor was mostly empty, at least for agents, so Leah told the guard standing by Spencer’s door that she’d head down to Post op. and return once her coworker’s shift ended. Once she actually got to have a conversation with him, he seemed nice. It was just his outer demeanor which could come across as off-putting. He informed her that Agent Jaraeu was working on her security detail and that they’d give her more information about it later when she returned. Leah offered him her gratitude, telling him to take good care of Spencer before heading down the corridor. She made it about halfway down before she bumped into a familiar figure.
“Sophie!” She exclaimed as she circled the younger girl. She was a little surprised to see her intern outside of the ICU and in her own clothes none the less. “Were you looking for me?” She asked. The girl shifted a little on her feet, her hands stuffed in the frontpocket of her hoodie. She looked nervous.
“No, and I have to go,” Sophie muttered bluntly in a way that Leah almost didn’t catch it. She tried to turn and walk down the corridor, but Leah reached out and grabbed her upper arm to halt her in her tracks. She could tell something was wrong and even though she was technically off the clock, she still wanted to talk to her intern to make sure she was alright.
“Sophie, what’s wrong?” Leah asked. Sophie only ripped herself out her grip, trying to get away once more. When Leah again tried to reach out for her something seemed to snap in the intern. It took her a moment to realize what was going on and it wasn’t really until she heard someone scream and run off that she noticed that Sophie had pulled her hands out of her pocket, a gun now placed between both palms in a secure grip. Leah could only blink down at the gun for a moment, still not fully understanding what had just happened.
“Don’t touch me!” The girl snarled and Leah found herself stunned by the venom dripping from her voice.
“Okay…” she responded slowly, still not knowing exactly what was going on or how to react in that moment. Someone was literally pointing a gun at her and she just stood there kind of frozen. She wanted to move or act, but she just couldn’t. It was like her mind was working overtime and had a hard time getting signals out to the rest of her body. “Okay, Sophie,” she said again, trying to figure out the best way to play this through. “And where do you think you’re going with that?” She figured her best chance was to try to reason with her intern. She didn’t want anyone to get shot, not herself, not Sophie and not anyone else.
“He said I have to do it. He said I have to. Edgar, he said I have to,” the girl rambled and for another second or so Leah could just stand there and stare at the gun pointed at her. It took a moment for her to register the name Sophie had uttered and when she finally made the connection she groaned.
“Oh my God, Sophie! What did you do?” She just shook her head at her, like a parent would scold a child.
“He says I have to kill him. He says I have to kill the doctor, that he’s a sinner and he needs to die.” Sophie was shaking as she spoke and her words made something inside of Leah snap. She was going after Spencer, but why? He hadn’t done anything. She lifted her eyes, seeing that the armed guard had crept a little closer, his gun raised and trained at Sophie. Her heart dropped a little when she saw Spencer watching them. He had probably heard the screaming in the corridor and left his room to check it out. She wanted to shout and scream at him not to get any closer, but before she had the chance, Emily came rushing out from one of the sidecorridors. She slammed Spencer softly into the wall to stop him from moving forward and placed herself so she was standing in front of him. The tall, black agent she could so vaguely remember seeing once or twice before also stepped forward, standing beside Emily. Both their guns were raised and Leah could feel her blood run cold at the sight. If Sophie didn’t see some sense soon there would be no way she could get out of this one alive.
“So… What? You have to listen to him?” Leah asked, trying for everything that it was worth to keep her voice from shaking.
“Why should I expect you to believe me? You never believed in me!” Sophie’s voice got louder towards the end and her hands were shaking so terribly Leah was scared she might pull the trigger by an accident.
“Sophie Miller!” The black man shouted from behind Sophie and Leah could see her jump a little at the booming voice. “FBI! Drop the gun and get down on the ground! Do it! Now!” Even though he spoke the words slowly, the authority in his voice was unmistakable.
“Sophie, just look around. You’re not stupid. How do you think this is gonna end, huh? Just do as they say. Please,” Leah tried to reason with her once more. Sophie was still shaking and tears started streaming down her face.
“You never believed in me,” she whispered, not making any move to either turn around or drop the gun. “You never did.”
“Sophie, of course I believe in you. I always have. But you need to start believing in yourself. I don’t know what he’s told to believe that this,” Leah gestured around in frustration at the scene she was very much a part of. “is right, but it’s not. You’re a good girl, Sophie. You want to become a nurse for a reason, right? You don’t wanna kill anyone. Just… drop the gun. Please. And we can talk about this.” There was no way she could hide how scared she was in that moment. She had never in a million years thought Sophie would be capable of something like this and it confused her. The girl was quiet and insecure, sure, but she couldn’t imagine she’d end up like this, with feds surrounding her while she held her own mentor at gunpoint.
“He won’t let me,” Sophie whispered, but despite her denying Leah could see that she was getting through to her.
“He doesn’t control you,” she responded and took a small step forward, just to test the waters. “Just drop the gun, Sophie,” Leah breathed, reaching out as slowly as she could. Sophie pointed the gun directly at her chest, but still made no move to actually fire it. Ever so slowly, Leah wrapped a hand around the top of the gun. Looking up, she caught Sophie’s eyes, forcing herself to hold her glance. “Let it go,” she told her, as gently as she could. When she started trying to remove the gun from the other girl’s grip she finally relented, letting go completely. A shuddered breath escaped Leah as she held the gun, raising her hand over her head a little as if that was somehow safer. She hadn’t even realized she’d been holding her breath until it came rushing out of her lungs.
Sophie’s arms wrapped themselves around Leah’s neck and she really tried not to flinch. She wished she could return the hug, give this poor soul all the comfort in the world, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t find it in herself to show any kindness, so she just stood there with her hands raised over her head while her intern, she guessed soon it would be former intern, sobbed into the crook of her neck. In reality this didn’t go on for more than a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.
As Emily wrenched Sophie’s arms away from her, locking them behind her back to snap a pair of handcuffs around the wrists, Leah felt another presens at her back. Turning her head she saw a hand coming up to grab the gun still clutched in her hand and once she saw that it was another one of Spencer’s coworkers, she let it go without much of a fight.
“Are you alright?” The man asked. He had these calm and gentle eyes and he looked older than anyone else on Spencer’s team. He kind of reminded her of a kind grandfather.
“Leah! Don’t let them take me! Leah!” Sophie drew her attention once more as Emily and the dark skinned agent started pulling her down the corridor. Leah adverted her eyes, not able to face her after everything that’s happened. She felt disgusted, mostly in herself for not seeing that something was wrong sooner. In a way Leah felt responsible. She was Sophie’s mentor after all, she had worked closely with her for months. She should’ve realized, seen the signs. She definitely shouldn’t have been so hard on her. Maybe all her teasing and borderline bullying tipped her over the edge.
As Sophie was paraded down the hall, Leah stepped out of the way, refusing to lift her eyes until she was out of sight and her frantic screams had died down.
“Are you okay?” The elderly man asked her once again and Leah could only shake her head, feeling sick to her stomach. She quickly located the closest trashcan, all but running over to it as vomit once again made its way up her throat. She had no idea how it was physically possible to throw up so much. She’s been living on coffee and limited food the last few days, her stomach should be empty, but somehow bile and stomachacid still escaped her mouth as she dry-heaved.
“I’ll handle this.” Leah could hear Agent Jaraeu’s gentle mom-voice behind her before her hands came in contact with her back, rubbing slow circles as Leah gagged on nothing for a few more minutes. Once Leah was able to slow her breathing to something that didn’t resemble a panicattack, she straighened up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
“I don’t want to see him,” she muttered as she stepped away from the trashcan. She didn’t even have to say Spencer’s name, she knew the other agent would understand who she meant. She hadn’t even dared to glance down the hall, somehow knowing he was still there. She could feel his intense glance boring into her. He was probably worried, but she couldn’t handle facing him right now, not when she was on the verge of breaking down.
“How about you and me head outside to get some fresh air?” Agent Jaraeu asked, her hand squeezing her shoulder. Leah just nodded. The agent turned her around and stayed close by her side as they walked away from the scene. “Mint?” Agent Jaraeu asked as they reached the elevators. She held her hand out, a pack of breathrefreshners in it. Leah laughed through the tears that were threatning to fall.
“Thank you,” she said shakily as she popped two pills into her mouth. It helped a lot more than she’d expected. They walked the rest of the distance in silence. Finding an empty table outside of the main entrance, they settled down. The sun was up, shining brightly down on them and it was like it was taunting her. The weather was so nice and the day just kept getting worse and worse.
“How are you feeling?” Agent Jaraeu asked after a while, tipping her sunglasses down a little.
“I don’t even know,” Leah responded, rubbing her forehead gently and carefully so she didn’t push her own sunglasses down on her nose more. It still hurt, even though that was the last thing on her mind. “I just feel sick.”
“It’s the adrenaline leaving your body,” the agent said. She was about to open her mouth again when Leah flashed her a teasing smile, trying to lighten the mood a little.
“I’m a nurse. I know,” she chuckled, even though it came out forced. She paused for a moment, her glance falling on one of the nurses in the courtyard who was supporting an elderly man who tried to walk on unstable legs. That’s what she wanted to do now more than anything, just get to her job and work until she’d be too exhausted to think about anything that had happened. “How am I supposed to deal with any of this?” She wondered out loud.
“One day at a time.” When Leah looked back at the woman in front of her she was smiling sadly, as if she understood her pain.
“I feel like this is my fault,” she whispered.
“Why do you say that?” Even with her sunglasses on, Leah could see that the agent was narrowing her eyes.
“I just…” Leah paused for a moment. How could any of this be her fault? “I was too harsh on her. Spencer actually commented on it yesterday, that I was mean to her. And hell, I probably was. I just… I knew she had problems, I just thought she was insecure or something, I never thought she’d... “ Leah took a shaky breath, not wanting to think about what other things Sophie may have done. “I was probably too harsh on her. But I had my reasons. You know, break you down, build you up kind of thing. I guess it made more sense then. That I could somehow make her trust herself more. And now I just keep thinking; what if I did this? What if I-I… pushed her into doing this?”
“Leah, this isn’t your fault,” Agent Jaraeu said in a serious tone. She leaned across the table, putting a hand on top of hers.
“Then why does it feel like it is?” How could she not feel that way? Agent Jaraeu just smiled, retracted her hand and leaned back. She folded her hands in front of her, squaring her shoulders a little.
“Do you want to know what I think?” She asked. Leah huffed a breath out through her nose which hurt just a little bit.
“I feel like you’re gonna tell me anyway, so shoot.”
“I think you lost your brother in a tragic way and that you still haven’t worked through that trauma. And I get it; not knowing what happened to him is a pain I can’t even imagine. But I think, I know, you blame yourself for what happened. And I think ever since then you’re blaming yourself whenever something bad happens. You blame yourself for what happened with Spence. You blame yourself for your intern. But guess what? None of it is your fault. There was nothing you could’ve done, in any of the cases. It wasn’t your fault.” As Agent Jaraeu spoke Leah couldn’t help but feel a little offended as the words hit her straight to the core. She was correct, obviously, but it still didn’t make her feel any better. At least not right now, but maybe once the shock wore off and she actually got work through all her trauma, she’d feel different about it.
“You don’t have to be a profiler to know that’s true.” Leah scoffed after taking it all in. But she still smiled to show the agent that she didn’t mean anything by it.
“You’re gonna be okay, Leah.” The agent smiled back.
Story summary: Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Chapter summary: Spencer wakes up in the hospital and gets to know Leah a little better.
Warnings: None, really. Maybe mentions of angst.
Wordcount: 6 k
A/N: Because I’m so stupid I somehow managed to delete chapter two, so this is just me reposting it.
The first thing Spencer was aware of when he woke up was the dull ache in his head, the kind of ache you’d get from sleeping for way too long but still wake up tired. The next thing that came to him was the unmistakable sound of a beeping heart monitor and that made him realize he was in the hospital. He’d spent enough time in hospitals to know without even opening his eyes. And that brought it all back. He had been conscious for long enough to register the fact that he’d been shot. It was all pretty blurry, like trying to make out details of a train moving at full speed past you.
The last thing he realized, the thing that made him snap his eyes open, was that he wasn’t alone. So, imagine his surprise when he saw Leah sitting in a chair by his side, her feet propped up on the end of his bed. She greeted him with a huge grin, but for some reason the only thing he could concentrate on was the way her scrubs pulled a little up towards the middle of her calves, revealing her mismatched socks. He had been a little woozy with coming out of anesthesia that he didn’t even realize he had stated that fact until she laughed, cracking a joke about a brain injury. He had blushed at that, not knowing how not to.
When his brain worked a little better he became aware of the fact that he needed to call Hotch and tell him what had happened. If his assumptions were correct, he’d hadn’t been out for too long so it was probably Monday morning, around six if the clock on the wall was correct, and his team would expect him to be in the office two hours later. Leah had told him that they were already informed and waiting for him to wake up. Spencer hadn’t wanted to waste another second, but Leah had been unrelenting about moving to get them, telling him he needed a few minutes to wake up. He hadn’t been happy about that, but later he realized how right she had been. It gave him time to try to process everything.
He met Leah’s intern, a young girl named Sophie. Leah was young too, he guessed she was in her mid to late twenties, but she looked so youthful for some reason. She looked the kind of way that it seemed more correct to refer to her as a girl rather than woman, despite the fact that she obviously was an adult. Sophie was the opposite, probably just coming out of her teenyears, but she somehow looked older and he couldn’t tell exactly why he thought so. He had been a little angered by the way Leah treated her, the younger girl obviously nervous, but when Leah had for once forgone her act and actually explained herself he kind of understood. He still didn’t agree with bullying someone to make them stronger, because despite what Leah assured him it was bullying, but he decided not to say anything else on the matter. It wasn’t really his place to say anything after all.
Eventually Leah left and the next half hour was a blur. A doctor came in with Sophie, checked him out and decided he was in no need for oxygen, which he was happy about. The cannula in his nose tickled, and he felt no problem breathing so getting rid of it was a small blessing. When the intern had told him could see his team, but only two at a time, he had a problem deciding who he wanted to see first. He eventually decided on Hotch, just because he needed to know everything, and J.J. He was sure Morgan and Garcia would be pissed, probably having been worried sick, but they could always see him later. Leah showed them into the room almost an hour after he had woken up. And in that short hour he’d had time to think and he felt bad about calling her out for how she’d treated her intern. He really shouldn’t have said anything. He liked Leah, he couldn’t tell why since he barely knew her, but he didn’t want her to dislike him. So, before she left the three of them alone he decided to try to humor her a little. And it seemed to be working because she was laughing as she closed the door on her way out.
Hotch had given him a strange look and J.J. had teased him about it. “Since when do you joke, Spence?” she’d said, a gasp falling from her lips as if she’d just heard something scandalous. He eventually told them everything he remembered. He decided to leave out the fact that he’d met Leah at the library, not yet knowing himself if it was an important detail or not. He probably should’ve told them right away, but he didn’t. He felt that if he left that little piece of information out, he’d somewhat protect himself and Leah.
Apparently, the team had been busy while he was out. They had already had the bullet analyzed, having received the results just half an hour before he’d woken up. The striations suggested that at least seven other people over the last four months had been shot with the same gun and the BAU was now taking over the case. Supposedly, only four of the victims had died, but that’s where it got strange. One victim had bled out in the ambulance, one had died while recovering at the hospital, which had been strange since all reports said that the victim would pull through. The autopsy had come back inconclusive and they had no idea what the victim actually died from. Two of the victims had died after they got discharged from the hospital, one being stabbed an excessive amount of times and the other one strangled. There was also no consistency in victimology; both males and females, so the unsub didn’t have a gender-preference. Racelines were also crossed. The whole case was strange with a mess of details that didn’t add up.
The police hadn’t made the connection yet, but Garcia, God bless her, had spent the entire morning digging through old policereports and medical files and trying to gather as much information as possible. The only thing that linked all the cases together was that all victims had been initially shot in the abdomen or chestarea, and that the same gun had been used.
Before Hotch and J.J. bid their goodbyes, Hotch assured him that this case was top priority and they would catch the unsub. They usually almost did, eventually, but for some reason Spencer had his doubts this time. The MO was all over the place, no consistency to the way the victims died. And why did only some of them die? Was that the plan for the unsub? Whatever the case, Hotch ordered policesecurity for the victims who were still alive as a precaution. He initially wanted to place a guard by Spencer’s room as well since one of the victims had died in the hospital, but it was ruled as unnecessary. The team would stay close to him anyway.
Morgan and Garcia were the next ones to come see him. Garcia had cried into his shoulder for almost ten minutes straight, sobbing mostly about the fact that she wasn’t allowed to bring him flowers since he was in the ICU and she hadn’t gotten around to buy him a fruitbasket yet. He had laughed a little at that, finding it typical Garcia. She was too sweet on him. Morgan had been on edge the moment he walked through the door, Spencer wasn’t surprised, but luckily he relaxed noticeably when he realized that Spencer was in fact alright.
Half an hour into their visit, Leah knocked on the door again. He noted the way she sanitize her hands on the way in before grabbing a pen from the front of her scrubs. He liked that she was thorough on the handhygine.
“See? I told you you’d see him soon,” she said as she grabbed his chart from the end of his bed. Her words were directed at Morgan who looked almost a little sheepish. Spencer wondered what that was about.
“Yeah, well… Couldn’t be too sure ‘till I saw him myself,” Morgan answered a little defensive, but Leah didn’t seem to pick up on that. She just smiled at him and noted down the vitals on the heart monitor. She’d done that at least three times now, Spencer realized, and he wondered how often she was going to do it. Was it normal to note down his vitals that often?
“Listen,” Leah said once she had disposed of his chart again. “So, um... the morningshift is about to arrive soon and I have another intern coming then. Sophie’s pulling a double as well since she’s missing some hours so they’ll both be following me around for the rest of the day. I’m supposed to be showing them how to do all these different things; measuring bloodpressure manually, do a CRP and some other minor tests. They don’t hurt at all, but I was wondering if we could maybe use you as a guineapig.” Leah finished. While she was speaking she had once again sanitized her hands which had Spencer smile a little, and was now leaning back against the wall by the door, her hands tucked neatly into the pockets of her scrubs.
“Oh,” Spencer found himself answering. “I guess?” He had no idea what else to say.
“Look, you can always say no. I’ve already had them do all the tests on each other and on me, but they need to practise on patients as well. And well, you know Sophie… We get all kinds of patients here and some of them can lash out, I guess. I just thought you’d be a good patient for her to start on. She calls you ‘the good doctor’, you know, so I figured she’d be comfortable enough to practise on you… If you allow it, of course.” Leah gave him a small smile and he offered her a look of understanding.
“Uh, sure,” he told her and in his perivale vision he saw Moran give him a look, but he ignored it.
“Great, thanks.” Her smile brightened a little. “I’ll give you some time to catch up with your coworkers, though, but is it okay if I bring them by… say, around noon?” Spencer found himself nodding along to her words.
She expressed her gratitude once more, giving him some additional information about coming back at 9 to give him another dose of IV-antibiotics and that the doctorsvisit was at 11 and they’d discuss more in detail then about his condition, the probability about removing his catheter and discuss how his painmeds were working. She asked a few questions before she left, like how his pain was and he was honest by replying that his abdomen hurt, but it was manageable. He reluctantly told her, as he’d told the doctor who’d been there earlier that morning, that he didn’t want anything morphinelaced. He could practically feel Morgan and Garcia’s sympatic stares bore holes in the sides of his head.
“I’ll let the doctor know, but we can discuss it later with him. I’m not sure yet who’s gonna be here for the doctorsvisit. It’s been a busy morning and all so I haven’t had the time to check yet, but I’ll be there anyway so I assume that’s okay?” Spencer nodded his head at her words. “Okay, great. I’ll stop by at nine for that IV-bag. In the meantime, you know the drill,” she pointed at the wall behind his head. “You’re the God. You need anything, call.” Spencer had a smile playing on his lips because of the last comment as she left the room. He liked Leah’s whole demeanor. She was easy going and calm, but still managed to joke and play along.
Not long after that Morgan and Garcia left, giving space for Rossi and Prentiss. They didn’t stay for long, just long enough to tell him they were happy that he was alright and ask how he was doing. Prentiss asked if she could bring him anything and he gave her a list of things he wanted her to retrieve from his apartment. She said she was on it. Once the pair of them left he wasn’t even alone for thirty seconds before Garcia came back in. She claimed that Hotch had told her that Spencer wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised, but he assumed that she wanting to check on him was just as big a part of the reason.
Garcia had brought, not just one, but two laptops and a tablet and coordinated the rest of the team by the phone which she kept on speaker. Spencer was technically not on the case, but he was a witness with important input so no one stopped him when he went off on his many rants about different theories and facts. At one point he asked to take a look at Pedro Gomez’ casefile, the victim who had died from stabbing at his own apartment. Garcia had given him a look, as if she was uncertain it was a good idea for him to be that invested in the case, but after Spencer gave her a look of his own she relented.
In the end, viewing the file didn’t give him much other than a frustrating headache. This was one of those cases he couldn’t understand. Sure, most cases were frustrating initially when they had little evidence to go on and it was hard to understand the unsub’s MO, but this unsub was all over the place. Some victims he’d shoot and let live, some victims he’d later come back to killing by stabbing them or strangling, and let’s not forget about the mysterious death of the victim who died in the hospital. None of it made any sense.
Spencer’s room was right outside of the nursessation and even when his door was closed he still had a pretty good view. He found himself looking over every now and then to see whether Leah was there or not. Around 8, he assumed that was when they changed shifts, his eyes found her by the station side by side with a Latinoman in a labcoat. He assumed he was a doctor. He noted that the doctor stood way too close to Leah for it to be appropriate unless they were friends. That made him frown a little since she earlier stated that she wasn’t friends with any one of her coworkers, and the two of them looked very friendly. Perhaps they were dating. That way they would technically not be friends.
The doctor walked away minutes after he arrived, as if he was just there to have a small chat with Leah, leaving a papercup at the desk which Leah took a sip of moments later. Getting coffee for someone seemed too intimate for them just to be coworkers and Spencer found himself wondering if they were friends or more. After the doctor left Spencer could finally focus back on the case he was not actually supposed to be on and he hoped Garcia hadn’t noticed him staring out the window.
Leah returned a little before 9 A.M. as she had said she would. Spencer quickly closed the files on his table so she wouldn’t see anything she wasn’t supposed to. Garcia wasn’t so subtle, still typing away on one of her computers while talking to J.J. on the phone. She at least turned the speaker off when the nurse entered the room.
“Is this a bad timing?” Leah whispered, the IV-bag already in hand and a man who looked to be in his late thirties hot on her trails.
“No, it’s okay,” Spencer told her with a smile, trying to shoot Garcia a glare, but she wasn’t paying any of them the slightest attention.
“Alright then. This is Alan, by the way, another one of my interns. I’ll bring him and Sophie by later, but I thought I’d introduce the two of you,” Leah told him, gesturing to the man who sort of just loomed behind her.
“Hey,” the guy, Alan, waved briefly before dropping his hand and crossing them both behind back. Spencer gave him a smile.
“Alan’s actually a chemist,” Leah said as she started hooking up the IV-bag. “But he decided to switch fields, which I’m so grateful for. We need more men in this line of work, don’t you think?” She said and Spencer couldn’t agree more with her. Alan being a chemist was more interesting to him, though.
“I actually have a PhD in chemistry,” Spencer found himself saying, not to brag, but because it was relevant. “What made you change your mind?” He was intrigued and wanted to know.
“Oh, I just have a bachelor myself, but I mostly did labwork for almost a decade. And it was kinda boring, not what I wanted to do, I guess. I needed a job where I get to work with other people and I like helping people, so nurse kinda fell natural as a second choice.” Alan explained. Spencer found himself nodding along with his words.
“How’s your hand?” Leah asked, cutting their conversation short. Spencer glanced up at her.
“Uh, fine?” He answered. He hadn’t suffered any injuries to his hand, so he didn’t quite understand why she was asking.
“Right. The reason I’m asking is because having an IV in your hand is typically a lot more uncomfortable than having it in one of the veins in your underarm or somewhere else. The skin on the back of your hand is a lot thinner than on the rest of your arm,” she explained. Spencer pondered on it for a moment, since it was something he’d actually never thought of before. His hand didn’t hurt, though. It was a little uncomfortable when he clenched his fist or if he moved his fingers a lot, but it was manageable. “I can change it for you if you want. Won’t take me more than five minutes, top.”
“No, it’s fine,” Spencer assured her. She was probably busy and he didn’t want to trouble her. She hummed a little, continuing to fiddle with the IV-bag and making sure it was ready to go. Once she was done, she turned her attention back to her intern.
“Okay, so I know I’ve said this probably a hundred times before, but I’m gonna say this again,” Leah finally spoke up, moving a little to the side and Alan moved to stand beside her, closer to Spencer’s bed. She pulled out a syringe from her scrubs and showed it to him. “It’s just saltwater to clean out the IV and the vein, but you need to be very, very careful not to have any airbubbles in the syringe. Okay? Same goes with the hose of the IV-bag.”
“Yeah, I know.” Spencer didn’t even notice the way Alan was smirking because of how he already knew that. What she had just said gave him an idea and he couldn’t even believe how stupid he was for not thinking about it earlier. Pushing airbubbles into the major arteries or veins could cause airembolisms which could easily kill someone. And they hardly ever show up on autopsies because it’s hard to notice. But most people didn’t know that.
“Hey, Leah,” Spencer said. “How many people would know that?” She cocked her head to the side as she slowly pumped the content of the syringe into the cap of his IV. She seemed to wonder as to why he wanted to know.
“Most healthworkers who know how to administer drugs, I guess,” she finally said, still seeming a little confused. She finished connecting the hose to his IV and looked at him, cocking her head to the side a little.
“So… nurses?” Spencer asked and she shrugged.
“And medics, doctors… It’s kind of the first thing they teach us when it comes to handling and administering drugs. So nurses and anyone who has a higher medical education than that.” She didn’t really say anything else, as if she somehow knew he couldn’t tell her why he was wondering.
“Thank you,” he told her, giving her a grateful smile. “Garcia?”
“Yeah, I heard you and I’m on it,” she said without even lifting her eyes, her fingers tapping away on the computer. Leah gave a shake of her head, a somewhat amused smile on her lips as she ushered her intern out the door after she finished cleaning up, probably realizing they wanted to get back to their thing as soon as possible.
They went on with the lead that they might be looking for some kind of healthworker for about an hour, but ended up with… nothing. The first two victims had been admitted to MedStar Washington Hospital Center, the rest to Inova Fairfax Hospital where Spencer currently was a well. Garcia checked every possible lead, anyone who had transferred jobs from MedStar to Inova in the respective timeframe, anyone who might have some kind of connection to one or several of the victims who worked at either of the hospitals, if anyone had been at work when all of the victims were hospitalized. And there was nothing. The last part is what made them come up empty. No one, not one single person, had worked at least one shift in the time all the victims had been admitted.
Even though they came up empty so far, it was still a good lead. If they were looking for a healthworker, then it made sense as to why some victims later were killed in their own homes, the unsub being able to access their medical files for more information. But they had nothing so far.
The doctorsvisit happened around 11:15 and it was uneventful. There wasn’t really much to say. The doctor still wanted to keep him on antibiotics four times a day just to be safe in case of any infection. He also wanted Spencer to have the catheter for another day, till worried about the bladder potentially being damaged. But he did say they’d take another assessment the next day since there was a big possibility they’d move him from the ICU then. Spencer liked the sound of that. Other than that nothing else happened. His saturation was alright so there was no need for oxygen and the doctor said there probably wouldn’t be need for it again since he’d been fine without it for a few hours now. There was also no change in meds. All in all, he seemed to be doing alright, which he had already been told many times by now. He was also cleared to eat normally, but he wasn’t hungry.
Spencer helped Garcia on leads for another half hour after the doctorsvisit before Leah returned with both her interns. She had an armful of different contents and politely asked if she could use his table. Spencer quickly shut all his files and handed them to Garcia. Leah dumped her things onto the table and Spencer couldn’t help but inspect it. A few stethoscope, a couple of cases which he suspected had a bloodpressuremonitor and maybe a monitor for bloodsugar as well, a small plasticbasket which contained bandaids, gauze, small vials of saltwater and some other things. She was really prepared.
“Do you want your friend to stay or do I have to kick her out?” Leah asked while sanitizing her hands.
“Do I have to undress?” Spencer asked, a little uncertain. He wasn’t wearing much, just the hospitalgown, which really wasn’t much, but with the blankets covering him he felt good enough about the state of undress. He really didn’t want to expose himself further than what he was in front of Leah, but if he had to then he had to. Garcia was at least not seeing how embarrassing that would make him.
“Oh, God no! We’re not doing those kinds of tests.” Leah’s laugh was warm and it made him feel a little better, so he told her Garcia could stay. “Alright, but I’m gonna have to ask her to move back. We’ll probably need a little space,” she told him. Garcia jumped a little at that, as if she suddenly realized she was in the way and that it was urgent that she move immediately. She scrambled her stuff together and moved into the corner of the room, going right back to typing away. Leah gave him a look as she obviously tried to hide her laughter. Spencer could only shrug his shoulders.
Leah unpacked one of the cases on the table which, correct to Spencer’s guess, contained a bloodpressuremonitor. She then dragged the sparechair over to his right side of the bed, facing towards him.
“Sophie,” Leah said, turning to the younger girl. “Hands,” was all she said, nodding her head towards the door. The girl jumped much like Garcia had done just a few seconds earlier and rushed towards the alcoholdispencer on the wall. “Always in and out of a patient’s room.” Leah sounded calm about it, but there was edge to her tone, as if she had said the same words a hundred times before.
“Yeah, I know. I just forget,” Sophie mumbled, still rubbing her hands as she returned.
“Okay, I want you to go first. We’ll start off by taking the bloodpressure. Is that okay with you, Dr. Reid?” Leah turned to look at Spencer as she said the last part.
“Oh, yeah. Of course,” he responded with the most genuine smile he could manage. Leah handed her intern the monitor and pushed her towards the chair. Sophie took a seat, fidgeting with the monitor for a while before finally figuring out which way was correct. “Do you, uh, want me to sit up?” Spencer asked. He was technically sitting, but he was still in the bed. Maybe it was easier for the girl to get access if he was sitting on the edge.
“No, no. That’s fine,” Leah assured him. “I’m just gonna help you a little with this.” She moved around so she was standing by his head and helped him roll the sleeve of the gown up so it was hunched around his shoulder, his entire arm bare. Leah was a good teacher, showing Sophie how to put the cuff on, making sure it was the right way and that the arrow was pointing at his artery. “Okay, a little protip. I’ve noticed you struggling with the cuff moving before. Sometimes it can be really hard to tighten the cuff enough so it slides down and doesn’t really stay in place. So, pump it up a few times, not much, just enough that tightens around the muscle and doesn’t move anywhere while you palpate for the pulse.” Leah’s voice was calm as she explained and her intern was nodding along. Sophie pumped a few times and Spencer felt the cuff tighten around his arm, just a slight squeeze.
Leah handed her a stethoscope after which the girl hung around her neck. She then went to poke around his elbow, obviously looking for a pulse. Sophie spent a long time doing that and her face got more and more confused the longer she went on.
“I seriously can’t feel anything,” she muttered, looking up at her mentor for guidance.
“You hear that, Dr. Reid? Maybe you’re dead,” Leah teased and Spencer couldn’t help but laugh. She pushed Sophie’s hand away, probing her cold fingers into his skin which made him wince a little. She had really cold hands so he couldn’t help it. “Okay, right there. Just put the stethoscope right above my fingers and you should be good.” Sophie did as instructed, then put the other end in her ears before fidgeting around a little to grab the pump in her free hand. The girl seemed to be in deep thought as she pumped a little too quickly for Spencer’s taste. The cuff tightened uncomfortably around his arm and he tried to hold back from shifting.
“I think I actually hear it,” Sophie muttered after a few seconds of relieving the pressure. She still pumped up a few more times, then let some air out, then repeated the cycle as if she wasn’t entirely sure when she could hear the heartbeat. Everytime the cuff tightened around his arm Spencer had to keep himself from wincing. It didn’t hurt, but it was uncomfortably tight. His fingers started tingling with the lack of circulation. Leah must have noticed because she laid a hand on his shoulder. He found that comforting.
“Okay, try to concentrate on when it stops, instead of when it starts. You’re gonna give him a dead arm soon if you keep it up,” Leah said and Spencer wanted to say it was alright, that he could handle it, but he was kind of happy when the pressure around his arm decreased rapidly.
“Sorry,” Sophie mumbled, still taking her time with finishing up. Once she was done, Leah wasted no time with removing the cuff entirely from his arm. Her cold hands settled onto his biceps and she started rubbing the skin quickly and in no time his fingers felt fine.
“It’s fine. Just try not to keep up for too long. It doesn’t really do any damage, but it can be really uncomfortable. So, always look at your patient every now and then to make sure they’re not in pain. I guess you forgot about that part, huh?” Leah grinned down at Sophie who was sporting a massive blush now.
“Sorry, It’s just hard to concentrate sometimes.” Her voice was a mare whisper.
“Which is why you need to practise on this. Practise makes perfect,” Leah offered a small smile. “Okay, doc! I think we’re gonna give your arm a little rest now, but is it okay if we use you as a needlecushion?” Spencer laughed at that and he felt completely safe with her. He’d just gotten a little glimt of how she taught her interns, but he could already tell that she was a good teacher and knew what she was talking about. So, Spencer let them continue.
Being a needlecusion wasn’t nearly as bad it sounded. They just pricked one of his fingers, Sophie seeming much more confident about drawing a few drops of blood into a small pipette which Leah told him they’d use later to run his CRP. Alan used the same pripling finger to test his bloodsugar which was a little low, but still within normal. Leah told him to eat something later. She put a small pink bandaid over his finger which had already stopped bleeding, joking easily and saying he looked pretty in pink. That, of course, earned a laugh from Garcia who was now watching the whole scene take place from the corner of the room and Spencer’s cheeks flushed to match the bandaid. After that both interns got to check his pulse by pressing their fingers to his wrist, all the while Leah stood to block the heart monitor so they couldn’t cheat.
Next, Leah asked if he could lean forward a little so her interns could listen to his lungs. He complied, shifting a little so he sat as comfortably as possible. Sophie was up first and the cool metal of the stethoscope pressing into the naked skin just below his ribs made him wince a little and the intern muttered an apology. Spencer noted that she wasn’t overly talkative, not really good at telling him what she was doing, but he decided not to say anything on the matter. He knew what to do. He kept taking deep breaths as the girl moved the stethoscope around his back, listening intently.
“Can you, uhm, listen for a second. I feel like maybe I hear some crackling, but, uh, I’m not really sure,” Sophie finally said, moving away from Spencer and looking up at Leah. Spencer found his interest piqued at that. Was he developing pneumonia? He hadn’t had any difficulty breathing, so he found that strange. He noted that Leah seemed just as surprised as himself. She grabbed another stethoscope and moved to his side. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as if to steady him.
“Take a deep breath for me,” she mumbled, her voice a gentle melody next to his ear. His breath came out a little shaky the first few breaths before he managed to take long, even gulps of air down his lungs. “Okay, and another one.” She moved the stethoscope to the other side of his back and he repeated his breathing pattern. After a few seconds she stepped back. “Alright, I’ll explain that in a second. It’s nothing wrong, but I just want Alan to take a listen, too, first. Is that okay?” Spencer didn’t know if she was talking to him or her interns but he found himself nodding along anyway. Her voice didn’t sound concerned whatsoever, so he assumed it wasn’t anything dangerous.
The male intern listened as well, seemingly not hearing anything, because Leah helped him a little, moving the stethoscope towards the downpart of his left lung. She mumbled a few things to her intern like “Do you hear that? The slight cracking sound? Kinda like a purring cat?” and he must have heard it because he nodded and moved back. Spencer looked up at Leah in interest, wanting to know what her diagnosis was.
“Don’t worry, Doc,” she laughed as she caught him staring. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Garcia watching as well. “It’s not anything dangerous. It’s just a little mucus in your lung. It’s perfectly normal, especially after being under anesthesia and receiving oxygen with moisture like you have. It’s not harmful and it will dissolve on its own after a while.” She had a reassuring smile on her face, the kind that could melt away all his anxiety in a matter of seconds. She turned back to her interns, giving Sophie an even brighter smile. “It’s not always easy to hear that, so good job, Sophie!” Spencer could practically see the intern’s confidencelevel spike ten times at her mentor’s words and that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Leah was a really good teacher and he found that so attractive he felt stupid about it.
“But what are you gonna do about it?” Garcia finally spoke, having tried so hard to pretend she hadn’t watched them like a hawk. Spencer saw Leah’s eyebrows shoot up almost to the line of her hair. “The mucusthing… aren’t you gonna remove it? Can’t you, like, suck it out or something?” Leah barked out a laugh at that, not the kind of laugh which suggested she made fun of Garcia, but the kind that suggested she was amused. Spencer couldn’t help but smile at that. She affected him more than he wanted to admit.
“Sorry, but it doesn’t really work like that, Ma’am,” she chuckled. “It’s not dangerous at all, so don’t worry.”
“So, you’re not gonna do anything about it?” Garcia was genuinely concerned, as if she thought this was something that could easily kill Spencer. He knew better, though. Leah paused for a moment, as if she was pondering on an idea.
“Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s not gonna kill him. It shouldn’t be uncomfortable or cause him any lasting damage. It’s gonna dissolve on its own, like I said, but I know a way or two that can help with dislodging the slime so it’s easier to get up.” Leah shrugged, then turned to look at Spencer. “Is it okay if I do that? Might be a good thing to teach the kids,” she told him with a nod towards her interns. Spencer found himself nodding along with her suggestion without even knowing what she was going to do. The slime hadn’t bothered him, he hadn’t even realized it’d been there before Sophie had voiced her concern, but the longer he was in Leah’s presence, the harder it was to say no to her.
Leah thanked him and told him to sit on the end of the bed. She helped him move, careful not to pull on any tubs or wires connected to his body. Alan was helpful with moving his table so he had space to sit comfortably with his legs hanging from his bedside. He kept the blanket folded over his lap and so it’d fall over his knees. He was still naked underneath the gown and he didn’t want Garcia to see… well, his privates. There wasn’t really anyone in that room he was comfortable with letting see his privates and the catheter running from his urethra just added to his shame. It was completely natural, he knew that, but some dignity he’d like to keep. Leah was caring enough to fold the other end of the blanket around his naked backside and lower back. She hadn’t needed to do that, but she had which made his heart swell just a little more. Why was she making him feel that way?
“Okay. I’m just gonna open this a little more,” she whispered close to his ear and it made goosebumps rise on the back of his neck. He tried desperately not to shiver as her hands moved to push his gown away so his whole back was uncovered. It was still covering his front, hanging off his shoulders. She placed a hand on his shoulder, her fingers reaching around to squeeze his collarbone, the other one moved from the middle of his back, stroking upwards with a firm pressure until it almost disappeared into his hair in the back of his neck. “Do you typically have a bad posture or anything?” She asked as she repeated the motion of her hand, adding a little more pressure. It felt awfully good.
“Hah, Spencer? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who hunches over more than he does. What? It’s true!” That last part left Garcia’s lips almost like a squeal when she noted the glare Spencer gave her. It just made Leah laugh.
“Well, I can feel that. Your muscles are really tense.” Leah didn’t sound accusing or scolding, just stating a fact. She continued to stroke his back with a firm hand for a few more moments, before she stopped all together. “Alright, so this isn’t something they’re gonna teach you in school, but have you ever heard of kopping?” She spoke a little louder now and he assumed she was talking to her interns again.
“Like the massage thing? With heated glass and stuff?” Alan guessed.
“Yup!” Leah popped the ‘p’. “So, this is kinda the same thing. You make kinda a cup with your hand,” Spencer assumed she was demonstrating, but he didn’t turn around to see. “And it’s important that it’s shaped like that, because it creates a vacuumeffekt. And you use it to hit the patient on the back. It can be really affective to dissolve and dislodge mucus and slime in the lungs. But make sure to keep your hand shaped like a cup, it can be rather painful to hit someone along the ribs with either a fist or a flat hand.”
“And it doesn’t hurt if you shape your hand like a cup?” Sophie asked and Spencer found himself wondering the same thing. This was a method he had never even heard of, especially not experienced. The logic was sort of there, but at the same time sort of not. Still, he trusted Leah not to do anything to hurt him.
“Well, yeah. Honestly, I have no idea why, so don’t ask me, because I’m not a doctor or anything. But try it yourselves. Hit yourselves across the chest with a flat hand, a fist and cupped hand you’ll notice the difference.” Spencer could hear some shuffling behind himself and he assumed that Leah had just shrugged. He had to restrain himself from trying too when the interns did as told, both of them making sounds of pleasant surprise, as if they’d just discovered the meaning of life or something.
Leah moved again, once again placing a hand on his shoulder. She kneaded the muscle there a little and asked if he was ready. Spencer told him he was and braced himself for a sensation which he had no idea what to expect. She started to rapidly hit across his back. Her hand made a hollow sound every time it connected with his back. He found himself moving a little forward with the force of her blows but the firm grip on his shoulder was holding him steady. It didn’t hurt, not even by a long shot but it was hard to breathe properly with getting repeatedly hit across the back. The blows vibrated down to his lungs and that was a sensation he couldn’t possibly explain. It was like he could feel the slime peel off the walls of his lungs. It was really strange. Every once in a while, Leah would stop and simply lay a hand over his back as if she was feeling for something, and then she’d start pounding on his skin again. Eventually, probably after a few minutes had passed, she stopped completely.
“How does that feel?” She asked, turning back to stroking a hand up and down his back again. Her hand was warm and soothing now.
“Uhm,” Spencer took a few long breaths and to say he was surprised was an understatement. He could breathe a lot better. He hadn’t even realized he’d been winded before, because he really hadn’t been, but now right now it was much better. It was like that feeling when one of your nostrils is a little congested and you don’t really notice it until the airways clear up completely and you have to wonder how you hadn’t realized it before. “A lot better actually,” he eventually said, turning to look at Leah over his shoulder. He caught her eyes and for some reason he couldn’t stop grinning.
“Well, that’s good,” she smiled. “Come listen now, see if you can hear the difference.” Her interns all but rushed forward at that, both of them taking their time to push their stethoscopes to his back.
“It’s completely gone!” Alan remarked. “Why does no one teach us that?” He asked. Leah hummed and returned to stand at Spencer’s back. She started kneading on his shoulder. He had no idea why she was giving him a massage, if it was even appropriate, but there was no way he was complaining. It felt too good and whatever that koppingthing had done to him, it made him feel high and relaxed.
“Again, there’s usually no reason to do it. If there’s too much fluid in the lungs then we have to drain it out,” Leah moved her palms as she spoke, using the heels of her palms to press on either side of his spine, moving them slowly upwards. “And if there’s just a little mucus like with Dr. Reid here, then it typically dissolves on itself, like I’ve said. This isn’t a technique most people know about. I just learned it when I was in practise myself, because I was working on patients with lungproblems and my mentor taught me that. It sure is effective, though. Right, Spencer?” He could only hum at her words, too content in that moment. Her finger and hands kept on massaging his back, shoulders and neck as she spoke. He did register that she called him by his firstname and that brought a dopey smile on his face.
She eventually stopped the motions of her hands, telling him his skin was getting warm and red from her prodding hands. He could definitely believe that since he felt warm all over. Leah tied the gown at his back again and helped him back into the bed. She even helped him straighten out the blanked and tuck it neatly around his feet which he first then realized had gotten cold from being exposed.
“Alright, so… It’s completely normal to be coughing after that. You can probably expect it to start in a few minutes when everything starts settling down again. That’s completely normal, since all I did was dislodging the slime from your lungs, but you need to get it up on your own. If the coughing is, like, a fit, you know, too bad then call and we’ll see what we can do to help with getting it up. But it really shouldn’t be a problem. I’m just giving you heads up,” Leah smiled as she started packing up all the equipments she had brought in.
“Thank you,” he whispered, for some reason not knowing how to speak up.
“No problem,” she replied, balancing her things underneath her arms so her hands were free to rub some alcohol on them. Her interns did the same. “Try to get some rest. And remember to eat, too. I don’t care if you stuff your face with chocolate, but eat something at least.” And with one last smile she left the room, her interns following her like lost puppies.
Spencer did end up eating a little, J.J. being the angel she was by bringing him lunch from the hospitalcafeteria, checking up on him in the process. She had even snatched two cups of jello for him which automatically made his day a hundred times better. He did end up coughing a little, as Leah had warned him, but it wasn’t too bad. He still felt a million times better after she had put her hands on him and her touch still lingered. He wondered what it all was about, how someone he’d just met could make him feel like that.
Hotch came by around 2 P.M. wanting to see if Spencer remembered anything else, but that was just a waste of time because, duh, Spencer couldn’t forget anything in the first place. There was no trauma suppressed, no injury to his brain which might cause memoryloss, no medication that made his mind foggy. The whole incident had just caught him by surprise. It had happened so quickly that he had never even seen the shooter and that late at night the street had been pretty much empty. There was simply nothing he knew which could help them catch the unsub.
Leah stopped by a few more times before the end of her shift, but she seemed to be in a hurry. It was probably a busy day since he could see her and the other nurses run around outside his room in what he could only describe as organized chaos. Still, Leah took her time to check on him every once in a while. Her visits were short and to the point, she didn’t stay to chat for longer than possible, but she was always polite. She always told him to call if he needed anything, that bright smile playing on her lips before she’d leave the room again.
A little before four in the afternoon Spencer felt so exhausted that he ushered Garcia out of his room, telling her to grab some food or something so he could get some rest. He loved her to death, but he couldn’t possibly sleep when her fingers were typing away on her computer and she was talking a little too loudly out of excitement with the rest of the team every time she found something that could be of interest.
But rest didn’t come easy even when he was left alone, so he tossed and turned for the next ten minutes or so before he sighed in defeat and his eyes automatically turned towards the nursestation. He could see Leah standing there, her ziphoodie pulled on over her scrubs and her bookbag slung from her shoulder in way that made her look relaxed, as if she was in her right element. She was nursing another cup of coffee and Spencer had lost count of how many cups she’d had that day. Whatever the number was it couldn’t possibly be healthy, but he wasn’t about to tell her that.
He needed to talk to her, he realized. He really wanted to see her, say goodbye or something before she went home and there was a chance he’d never see her again. So, he turned back and pressed the callbutton on the wall behind him. That was actually the first time he had to use it. He waited patiently, watching Leah talk to her coworker, a brownhaired woman he hadn’t seen before. She had must have just arrived and was probably going to cover Leah’s patients for the rest of her shift. For some reason that made him a little sour. He didn’t know anything about the brunette, but he assumed she was never going to match Leah in any way.
Eventually, Leah threw her head back in a laugh that he could almost hear through the walls and he assumed her coworker had said something funny as a goodbye because Leah walked away after that, stopping by Spencer’s door. He tried to make it look as obvious as possible that he hadn’t been waiting for her to arrive for one minute and thirty-seven seconds as he heard the rapid doubletap of her knuckles on his door. She pushed the door open and stepped into the room, sanitizing her hands before stuffing them into the pockets of her hoodie, the papercup tucked neatly underneath her armpit.
“Are you, uhm, going home now?” Spencer found himself asking, not really knowing how else to start this conversation. She gave him a look which he had no idea what meant.
“Well, my shift ended, like,” she looked down at the small clock hanging down at the front of her uniform. “five minutes ago, so yeah. But you already knew that, so what’s up?” She had a small smirk playing on her lips, but she didn’t sound mad about catching onto his thoughts. Spencer still felt his cheeks tingle with embarrassment.
“Uhm, I was just, uhm… You said I’d call if I needed anything.” What could he possibly say to make him want to see her justified? Wanting to say goodbye seemed too… intimate, too inappropriate for whatever relationship they had. She was nice, but she was just his nurse. Whatever had happened at the library didn’t matter now, he had to tell himself. “Uh… are you allowed to give out other, um, medication than the ones the doctor put me on?” He felt awkward again. Leah cocked her head to the side.
“How’s your pain?” She asked. He immediately shook his head at that. His abdomen still hurt, but it was manageable.
“It’s fine,” he assured her. “It’s more… Well, I can’t sleep… So, I was wondering if you, well, had anything for that?” It wasn’t technically untrue. He did have problems with falling asleep, especially now with everything happening around him. Leah looked at him for a long second, her eyes piercing into his as if she was trying to profile him. She sighed and pushed herself off the wall she’d been leaning back against. Rather elegantly, she hooked her heel around the edge of the door, using it slam it shut as she made her way over. All the time without taking her hands out of her pockets she dropped down into the chair Garcia had been occupying all day. She leaned back a little in her seat, throwing her feet up onto his bed.
“You know,” she sighed, drawing the words out in a way that suggested she was about to say something he wouldn’t like. “People who’ve previously battled addiction have a tendency to become addicted to other things as well; tobacco, caffeine, drugs, medication… And sleepmedications can be highly addictive.” She looked up at him, their eyes locking. She poked at his hip with the tip of her shoe and he had to really restrain himself from touching her feet. “Do you get where I’m going with this?” She asked and Spencer had to lick his lips in a nervous manner.
“Yeah,” he whispered. She looked at him for another long moment.
“I’m not saying no. I’m just saying think really hard about it. You know yourself better than I do and you seem qualified enough to make your own educated decisions. So, if you think you really need something to help you fall asleep, then I’ll talk to the doctor about getting you something before I leave.” Her words were calm, but stern enough to make out her point. He couldn’t help but wonder.
“Are you… have you, uh, ever…”
“Been addicted to anything?” She caught on where he had trailed off. “Well, I’m addicted to coffee… Obviously,” She laughed as she moved her hand to grab the cup still tucked underneath her arm. She raised it in a sort of salut before taking a sip, emphasizing her point. She then seemed to ponder for a moment. “I used to be addicted to sex.” He wondered for a moment if that was supposed to be a joke or not, but her voice was level and rather dark, as if it was something she was ashamed of. “Not just for the sex itself, but, you know, being close to someone else. But I am so not going into detail about my sexlife with a patient. That’s highly unprofessional,” she laughed a little towards the end and Spencer offered her a smile. He could understand her though, not the need for sex, but for a simple humancontact. He’d been touchstarved after everything with Tobias Hankel, seeking out any small touch where he could get them; a brush of a hand, a hug, anything.
“Why are you so good to me?” He found himself asking. He really wondered. Was she feeling pity for him? Did she feel the same draw to him that he did to her? Was she like this with all of her other patients? Leah’s reply was a relaxed hum and he looked over at her. She seemed tired, but she was in no apparent hurry to get home. “You just… sit here and talk to me for no reason. Not that I don’t appreciate it, like at all… Because I do. A lot, actually, but just… why?” He had to know. She took a deep breath, her head falling backwards a little and he was reminded of the way she had looked at the library.
“When I was getting my education back in New York, I was in practise at this facility for people with special needs. You know, people in wheelchairs, people with brain injuries, who can’t talk or walk, can’t eat on their own, that sort of thing.” She lifted her head so she could look at him again. “And I was really invested. I like helping people. But I hated the way the personnel treated the patients. I don’t exactly know what their problems were, but they hardly acknowledged the patients as humanbeings. They’d treat them with respect, sure, but they never talked to them. During meals they’d just chat to each other while stuffing the patient’s faces with food, not saying a single word to them. And I hated that and I still see it way too much in all parts of healthcare; the failure to communicate with the patient. But anyway, I guess I was so annoyed by it that I kinda acted in spite, I guess? I started talking to patients, probably a little excessive at that. You know, ‘Hi, Karen! Are you hungry? Do you want some lunch? Today we’re having sandwitches with cheese and ham’. I was just saying anything I did, informing them along the line. I acted as if I gave them a choice. I mean, most of them didn’t talk or anything and it was hard to tell who was clearminded enough to understand what I was saying, but I don’t know that. I can’t read their minds, so I still treated them as any other person, you know?” Spencer found himself smiling at her story. It was sad, what she was saying, but he had no doubt that it was true. But he liked that Leah was different.
“You’re a good person,” he told her, not being able to hide the adoration on his face. Was it possible to fall for a person in under 24 hours?
“I don’t know about that,” Leah chuckled a little darkly at that, as if she couldn’t quite believe it. “I mean, I try, though.”
“You’re a good person,” he repeated his words a little stronger this time, wanting there to be no doubt in her mind. She stared at him for a long while, as if she wasn’t entirely sure whether he was serious or not. Finally, she averted her eyes and Spencer was proud to see a flush creep up her neck for a change. She took another long gulp of her coffee before turning back, not so subtly trying to school her features.
“Well, anyways… After I finished my education I enrolled into this six month residency of nightshifts at a palliative ward. Death has never really bothered me and it comes natural, I guess. So, I thought palliativecare was perfect for me since I thought I’d handle it well. Nights were typically really quiet, unless someone passed away, so after I’d finished my rounds, I’d try to spend at least ten minutes in each patient’s room. I’d just sit there and talk to them. Most of the patients had visitors during the day, but no one came during the night unless we knew someone was really, really close to passing. And even then, most patients didn’t get visitors during the night. And I hated that as well. I feel like there’s a basic human right not to die alone. So, I’d sit there and talk to them. About nothing and anything, I guess.” He’d probably thought it a hundred times these last few hours, but he really liked Leah. She was efficient and proper in her work, but she also took time to really see the people around her and treat them right. And it wasn’t just Spencer. He’d seen it in the way she treated her interns. She was a good teacher, a good person. He just wished everyone could be like her.
As she finished telling her story, Spencer noticed Prentiss coming to a stop outside his door. She must have noticed Leah, because she seemed to be in doubts as to what to do. Spencer caught her eye and shook his head slightly, silently trying to tell her he wanted a little more time. She seemed to take the message, because she stepped back.
Spencer returned his attention to Leah, hoping she hadn’t caught on to his coworker and would feel the need to leave. If she had she didn’t say anything. He looked down at her feet on his bed and now he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He reached a hand out, hesitantly letting his fingers ghost over her calf where her pants had ridden upwards. He traced the outline of her sock, looking up at her as he did so. He was a little scared that he’d crossed some sort of line, but she only gave him a dopey smile.
“Why don’t you wear matching socks? Is there a story to that as well?” He had wanted to know that since he’d woken up that morning. Leah only threw her head back and laughed, carefree and real.
“Well, yeah,” she chuckled. “And it’s a really interesting story too, so hold your horses now… Okay, are you ready for this? I’m lazy.”
“What?” Spencer found himself laughing along with her.
“When I do my laundry I’m just too lazy to pair my socks. I used to do it before, but do you know how much time and energy I spend on pairing socks after laundry? Probably a lot, and that time and energy is spent a lot better in front of the TV or in bed sleeping,” She let out that carefree laugh again which made Spencer cackle too.
“It probably doesn’t even take you two minutes to pair them!” He exclaimed. He could never understand that logic. Like, the people who’d scrunch up their toiletpaper instead of folding it. They’d save very little time on it, so why not just do it properly? Spencer always wore mismatching socks as well and he had been hoping that her reason for doing so had a deeper meaning, but her explanation was actually far, far better.
“And that’s two minutes every time I do laundry!” She laughed back, her voice now matching his excited one in tonelevel. “And that’s still two minutes of Netflix or sleep,” she added.
“Alright, touchè.” He lifted his hands up in surrender, knowing there was no way he could win that argument. “So, how’d you end up here? In D.C., I mean?” He asked after they’d calmed down a little. He knew that holding her back was selfish, but he found himself liking her company. She hummed a little, leaning impossibly further back in her seat.
“Did you know that most people tend to die at night? Like, if they’re sick. Old people, cancerpatients and other palliative people. I don’t know if it’s because your body relaxes during sleep or whatever, but I saw a lot of people during my residency,” she told him. She sounded a little sad so Spencer placed his hand on her leg again, kneading carefully at her ankle. She offered him a smile, showing him she didn’t mind. “I thought I could handle it, but that was my first real job, you know? I was young, just finished my education and suddenly I was in charge of all these sick and dying people. So, anyways… I made it about five months, before I had one hell of a week. In eight days I had twelve patients die during my shifts, at least one a night. And that’s a lot, even for palliativecare.” Spencer couldn’t help but feel for her. He’d experienced death at close hold himself and it was just something you’d never get used to, no matter if it was natural or not.
“What did you do?” He asked her quietly.
“I, uhm… Broke down, I guess?” He voice came out a little shaky. It didn’t look like she was about to cry, but thinking back to it probably brought back some bad memories. Spencer squeezed her ankle. “I was so exhausted at the end of my shift one day that I locked myself in broomcloset and just cried for like an hour straight. Then I went home, not being able to sleep and I called into work later that day to say I couldn’t handle it anymore, that I was leaving with immediate effect. There was a lot of talking, a lot of... bullshit like them telling me I was irrational and that I should just take some time to think about it. But I was like ‘Yeah, no. I’m done.’ Maybe they were right about it being a rushed decision, but I only had another month left of my residency and I had already made up my mind way before that week that palliativecare was not something for me after all.”
“So… what happened next?” Spencer asked.
“I uhm…” She laughed at that, as if the thought was absurd. “I hopped on a bus. And then I think there was another bus and a train somewhere… Basically, I just hopped from form of transport to another without any actual means as to where to go. I eventually ended up here in D.C. and I spent a few days. And for some reason my thoughts had settled down enough by then that I was able to really enjoy my surroundings. So, I decided, again a pretty rushed decision, to just relocate here. Just get a fresh start and it’s worked out pretty good so far,” she told him with a little brighter smile. He liked it when she looked happy.
“Are you happy here?” He questioned. She pondered on that for a moment.
“I honestly don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I’m not unhappy. I’m pushing thirty and I still have no idea if this is where I wanna live, if this is what I wanna do for the rest of life. But as for right now I’m in a pretty good place,” she shrugged and he liked her answer. She was completely honest about having no idea what to do with her life and Spencer could relate. He loved his job, loved his coworkers, but sometimes he wondered if that was how he was going to live the rest of his life; chasing down badguys and losing himself bit by bit in the chaos. At the moment there was no other place he’d rather be, but he wondered when and if that would change.
They kept on chatting for another few minutes, until it was just after 4:30 and he could tell that Leah was itching to go home. He’d really appreciated her staying that long, but he dreaded to say goodbye. He knew there was talk about moving him to another unit in the morning and that meant he probably wouldn’t get to see her again. He wanted to know if that offer for coffee was still on the table, but he didn’t dare ask. She was his nurse, his gorgeous, kind, caring, funny, beautiful nurse. But he was still her patient and it was inappropriate to ask if she wanted to hang out when this was all over.
“Do you still want something to help you sleep?” She asked, having moved to dispose of her empty coffeecup. She was leaning against the door now, ready to leave him and that pit in his stomach only grew.
“No, I… I think I’m good.” He tried to offer her his best smile. She noticed how fake it was because she offered him her own which was just as sad as he felt. It didn’t seem like she wanted to leave anymore than he did. But in the end she had to and this little bubble would burst.
“Okay,” she nodded. “If you change your mind, just call. Charlotte’s on call this evening and she’s super nice.” Not as nice as you, he wanted to say, but bit his tongue. “But I’ll get out of your hair now. I’m assuming your friends have missed you since they’ve been watching you like a hawk out there,” she laughed as she nodded her head backwards. Garcia had returned about ten minutes ago, chatting with Prentiss while the pair had watched Spencer and Leah’s conversation with interest. So, Leah had noticed that too. “Get well soon, Spencer.” And that was all she said before she opened the door and left. No ‘See you later’... No ‘See you never’. Just... ‘Get well’. What was he supposed to do with that information?
Story summary: Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Chapter summary: The BAU start developing a profile which leads them to investigate Leah.
Warnings: Recalling a violent incident, bit of blood but not too bad.
Wordcount: 12,6 k
A/N: This chapter is written from Emily’s POV just to get a different perspective on the story.
Emily shot Reid a knowing look as she stepped through the door before turning her head slightly to watch the nurse shuffle down the corridor. She was pretty, that much was for certain and she knew Reid thought so, too. She took a seat by his bed, dropping the bag to the floor. She had just gotten back from his apartment, finally having had the time to collect the things he’d asked for earlier that same morning. She decided not to comment on the nurse any further as the three of them went back to work, trying to piece together a profile with the mess of details they had.
“What if we’re looking for two unsubs?” The first break came about an hour after Emily had returned to Reid’s room and they all peaked up at Rossi’s suggestion.
“What makes you say that?” Morgan’s voice sounded through Garcia’s phone now and Emily wondered the same thing.
“Look at the bruisings around Anita Thorne’s throat. That’s pretty large hands, don’t you think? Probably from a man. But the stabwounds on Gomez’ body were hesitant and shallow, not a lot of force behind them,” Rossi explained his thinking and Emily followed easily while she flipped through her files.
“So, you’re thinking whoever killed Gomez was a woman?” J.J. spoke up this time. Morgan didn’t even give Rossi time to answer.
“But the stabbing was all over the place and brutal. It was overkill. Do you really think a woman would be capable of doing that?”
“Maybe our unsub was hesitant about killing Gomez? Not knowing what to do or how to do it correctly? Maybe he was trying to establish a MO?” Reid spoke up now and his words surprised Emily. Anita Thorne had been killed a week and half before Gomez, so if the unsub was the same person then he was definitely accustomed to killing. It made no sense for him to brutally strangle Thorne, then hesitate when it came to Gomez. Unless there was a connection between Gomez and the unsub which they hadn’t made yet. That seemed unlikely since there was no sign of the unsub’s remorse anywhere on the body or at the crimescene. It didn’t feel personal.
Emily voiced her thoughts and the team agreed with her. She got a little concerned about Reid. He seemed to have gotten confused by such a simple thing as the timelines of the different victims. That was the kind of mistake Reid would never do. She was afraid he wasn’t in the right headspace to be working this case, but she didn’t speak her concern just yet.
“Typically in a killer-duo one part to be more dominant and the other more submissive. We shouldn’t assume that the female is the submissive one just because she’s the weaker sex. In fact we should assume the opposite, especially if we still regard our previous theory that at least one of them has some sort of medicaltraining. Healthcare is widely dominated by females after all,” Reid rambled on in his usual manner, but something still seemed… Off about him. Like he was trying to hide his privous slip up.
“So, you think we’re looking for a man and woman, and that the woman is the dominant person here?” Rossi asked.
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time. In traditional gender roles the man is depicted as the dominant type, when it in reality is the female who holds all the power. She controlls access to sex, decides what’s for dinner, has the most influence over the kids… Even though men typically are physically stronger than women, it’s still the women who control them, so I wouldn’t say it’s odd,” Reid explained further and by the way he was fiddling in the bed Emily could tell he had a lot more to say on the matter.
“Well, it fits,” J.J. butted in. “If the woman is dominant we can only assume she decides who gets to live and who doesn’t.”
“But how does she decide that?” Emily asked out loud.
“Garcia’s already looked through all the workers in both hospitals and no one crossrefranses,” Morgan interjected.
“I sure have, Sweetcheeks,” Garcia spoke up.
“There’s got to be something here that we’re missing,” Morgan mumbled.
“Garcia, start off by looking into hospitalemployees who might match our profile who’ve had contact with more than one of our victims. The dominant would be meticulous, so look for anyone with a clean record, we can also assume she’s reserved with few sosial contacts. We still don’t know how she decides who dies so look for anyone who stands out, employees who pay close attention to the victims, who check on them more than necessary, anything that screams unnatural behavior.” Hotch said and at that last bit Garcia’s fingers paused over the keyboard. Emily knew what she was thinking, because she was thinking the exact same thing.
“Does that mean employees who’s worked with Reid as well?” Garcia sounded guilty as she spoke and Emily noted that she gave Reid an apologetic look.
“What have you got Garcia?” Hotch’s answer fell to deaf ears because Reid lashed out.
“I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong!” He all but yelled.
“Spence!” J.J. sounded concerned, but she too was ignored.
“She didn’t do this. I know her and she didn’t do this.” Emily almost felt bad for him. The nurse had seemed like a sweet girl and either she’d played him like a fool or they were wrongfully accusing her of being a killer. There was no way she’d come good out of this one.
“Hold on! Who are we talking about?” Morgan asked at the same time as someone, Emily couldn’t tell who, asked “What do you mean you know her?” It was silent after that, this kind of silence that was just waiting for someone to break it. Emily realized then that she was staring blankly at Reid, still not used to him lashing out like that.
“I met her last night at the library,” Reid finally said after a reluctant sigh. That made Emily’s eyes go wide. Why hadn’t he said something before? “And I know what you’re all thinking, but it wasn’t her. She left way before I was shot. Garcia can probably verify that with an easy search, she got to work before 10 P.M. I know how bad that looks, but I’m telling you it’s not her. Hotch…” Reid’s voice was almost pleading towards the end and now Emily felt really bad for him. He wanted so desperately to believe it wasn’t her that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him. Even though Emily hadn’t spent that much time at the hospital she had reacted to the nurse, feeling like there was something... off about her. She hadn’t even thought that the young woman might be the unsub, but when she thought it now; it just fit.
“What’s her name?” Hotch asked, his tone of voice unreadable. Emily wondered what he was thinking.
“Leah Clarewater,” Reid sighed, probably knowing he’d lost the battle. If he hadn’t said anything, Garcia would’ve found out anyway.
“Alright. Garcia, run her and see what pops up.” Hotch almost didn’t have the time to speak because Reid interrupted him.
“Get out,” He spoke, his voice quiet but his words were harsh.
“Reid,” Emily reached forward to lay a hand on his arm but he shied away from her.
“I said, get out. I’m not even on this case and I’m telling you it’s not her, but no one’s listening. I don’t want to hear anymore, so please… just get out.” He sounded almost completely broken, as if his whole life had just been flipped upsidedown and it made Emily frown.
“Garcia, Prentiss… You heard him.” Hotch’s voice was clear and Garcia sat there frozen for a second before quickly gathering her stuff and rising from her chair.
“Reid,” Emily tried again.
“What, Emily?” He snapped at her. “I’m telling you it’s not her, and it’s not just something I want to believe; it’s something I know for a fact. And when you eventually realize that you’re all wrong I am the one who’s gonna have to look her in the eyes and live with that guilt. So no, I don’t want to hear what you find out when you do a search on her, because it’s not my place to know unless she tells me herself.” He was almost panting with rage when he finished his rambling and the room once more fell in an awkward silence so thick it could practically be cut through with a knife. His words were laced with venom and she then realized that this wasn’t all about the nurse. Most it was, sure, but he was obviously still not over everything that happened with Emily and Doyle. She had felt horrible about lying to him and the rest of the team like that, but she had thought they had all worked through it by now. Reid obviously hadn’t, because that lash out was a whole lot of unresolved tension.
Emily escorted Garcia out of the room without another word. They found a secluded area in the waitingroom outside of the ICU and Garcia seemed a little reluctant about continuing.
“Sir. I must say that this doesn’t feel right,” she mumbled, the rest of the team still on the phone even though they had gone silent after Reid’s blow up.
“I know, Garcia, but just see what you can find out,” Hotch said.
“Is someone gonna tell me who we’re talking about now?” Morgan asked and that made Emily smile. Of course he hadn't picked up on who they were talking about yet. He was a damn good agent, but sometimes he could be slow.
“The nurse who came to get us when Reid woke up this morning,” Emily replied, leaning a little closer to her phone.
“Oh, the ho-” Morgan stopped himself before he could finish his sentence. Emily tried to hide her snicker because she knew he was about to say ‘hot one’, but that would be highly inappropriate.
“She seemed like a good kid,” Rossi interjected.
“Oh, but she’s anything but!” Garcia finally spoke up again. This was the first time Emily felt a little disgusted by how excited she sounded. She knew that Garcia couldn’t always help it. She was stuck in her office all day while the rest of the team were out in the field. She loved having things to do and whenever she found something that could help, she always took that win personally. Still, this time Emily couldn’t quite feel it. Reid obviously had a thing for this girl; attraction, admiration or whatever it was… And now Garica might have found something to shatter his precious fantasy of the girl.
“What have you got?” Hotch asked.
“Well… Leah Singer Clarewater, born and raised in The Bronx, New York. Apparently she ran in a bad crowd in her younger years. Several of her friends were picked up on drugcharges in high school. She doesn’t really have a record herself, but we can only assume she was just as bad as her friends since, you know, they were friends… Anyway, when she was eighteen her eight year old brother disappeared without a trace and he was never found. Leah was apparently with him when it happened. Police investigated, but never found out what happened. Two years later her mother died of, oh, let’s see… Cancer and after that it seems that she and her father drifted off. I can’t see that they have any contact now and she doesn’t seem to have many friends. No social media, I mean zip zero, no Facebook, Twitter, not even YouTube. Nada. She’s basically a loner.”
“That does fit the profile,” J.J. mumbled. Emily agreed. And the story about family could’ve been a stressor.
“Look, guys… We have to be absolutely certain about this,” Morgan spoke up, probably feeling just what Emily was.
“Well, she has a good medical education,” Garcia said. “I mean, like really good. She’s taken a lot of extra courses and addons to her Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She’d basically just need a few hours of mandatory training and she’d be certified as a paramedic.”
“So, she has a lot of medical knowledge?” Rossi asked.
“That she sure does,” Garcia nodded as she spoke, even though it was just Emily there to see her. “And- Oh! Oh…” Garcia trailed off, a sad look crossing her features. Emily wondered what she had just found out.
“What is it, Garcia?” Hotch asked.
“She has a registered .45,” she whispered. Reid, and the other victims, had been shot with a .45. Oh, how Emily hated this. She had almost hoped for Reid’s sake that they had just jumped to conclusions and that they wouldn’t find anything on her. Now everything was pointing towards her.
“That’s more than enough for a probable cause,” Hotch sighed into the phone, sounding just as defeated as Emily felt. “Morgan and J.J., go to her address. Rossi, I want you back at the hospital. We still don’t know if she is or who she might be working with. If she knows we’re onto her, she might come after Reid. Until we find her and question her, I don’t want Reid to be left unattended. Stand outside of his room if he doesn’t want visitors, but no one comes into that room without anyone of us knowing what happens. And I mean no one, no nurses, doctors, not even the janitor or cleaning crew. Got it?” Hotch’s message was clear and everyone agreed verbally before ending the call. Emily decided to let Garica work for a little bit and went back to Reid’s room. She knocked softly on the door before opening it. Reid met her eyes with a fierceness in his.
“Look,” she said, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I’ll spare you the details… But this looks bad for her. We don’t know who she might be working with, so Hotch is adamant that we don’t leave you unattended. You may not like it and that’s fine. If you wanna be alone, then that’s fine too, I’ll just stay outside the door.” Emily had decided to just be frank with him. “In the mean time, do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” She asked, still not able to shake the tension between them.
“You’re still wrong about her.” Reid’s reply left no room for argument on that subject.
“I mean about whatever vendetta you have against me,” she clarified. Reid narrowed his eyes at her.
“No offense, Emily, but not everything is about you. On the contrary to popular belief I don’t carry grudges. My problem isn’t with you personally, it’s with all of you. I tell you that it’s not her, and you don’t believe me. I know her and my word, my credibility still means nothing to you.” He was getting agitated and she finally understood why. This wasn’t just about protecting the nurse, it was also about the team not trusting his judgement. Emily sighed.
“You’ve known her for how long? Less than a day? What if you’re wrong, Reid? Just what if?”
“I’m not.” His reply came not even a heartbeat later and his voice was certain. It was still too similar to a childish game, him not wanting to admit he might be wrong.
“Okay, I’ll bite… Say you’re right, there’s still things you don’t know about her. She’s not this amazing person you think she is. She’s got baggage, possibly more than you can imagine. She’s trouble, Reid, whether she’s the unsub or not.” Emily had no idea how much Reid knew about her, but she somehow figured out that if he knew everything then he would be more logical about this.
“She’s the best person I’ve met,” Reid said and she looked at him for a moment. Did he really mean that? Did she really have him so tightly twisted around her finger that he believed his own words to be the truth? By the confident look on his face, she guessed on yes to both questions. “But you’re right about one thing; I do want to be alone. Please, close the door behind you.” That was a clear sign that this discussion was over. Emily decided not to say anything else as she slipped out of the room.
She could only begin to imagine what Reid was going through. Emily didn’t have any relatives she spoke to, no friends outside of work. Her colleagues were her family, she loved them all dearly. If any of them got implicated for murder she probably would have lost her shit as well. Still, that got her to wonder what was going on between Reid and that nurse. She had seemed professional enough the few times she’d seen her, except for the time she’d caught her hanging out in Reid’s room for the better part of half an hour before she went home. What had that been about? Reid obviously didn’t know her that well, seeing as he claimed to have met her the night before. Maybe he felt attracted to her; she was pretty after all. But then again she wouldn’t take Reid for the guy to fall head over heels for a woman he’d barely met. This couldn’t possibly be love, she must have found a way to manipulate him.
“How’s the kid?” Rossi greeted Emily as he walked down the corridor twenty minutes later. Emily sighed heavily as he came to a stop next to her.
“Understandably upset,” she told him with a small shrug. “He’s… He’s actually pretty mad,” she said.
“He’ll get over it,” Rossi tried to assure her, but she could only shake her head.
“I’m afraid this could be a breakingpoint for him. No matter what happens from now on, Reid loses. Either this girl is a killer who’s managed to wrap him around her finger or she’s not… And I’m not sure which of them is worse,” she sighed as she spoke, not knowing how to feel about all of this.
“You don’t think it’s her?” Rossi asked, his voice slow as if he was being careful with what he said.
“It all fits,” Emily nodded. “But there’s some questions that need answers. This case is just all over the place and when one of our own is involved it just makes it… harder, you know?” She glanced up at the older man, finding him looking back with sympathetic eyes.
“Now you know how we felt last time you were involved.” He gave her a sad smile then and it made Emily’s stomach drop. She had realized that the whole thing with Doyle had been hard on the team, but that it had felt like this?
“I just hope Reid’s gonna be okay,” she mumbled.
“He’s a smart kid. He’ll pull through.” Rossi bumped his shoulder into hers, a small sign of comfort. Emily couldn’t exactly say that it helped, but she appreciated the gesture all the same. Just then her phone started blaring and she pulled it out of her pocket, noticing that it was Hotch.
“I’ve got Rossi here with me,” she spoke up after accepting the call.
“Morgan and J.J. came up empty-handed,” Hotch informed them, getting right to business. “They’re already headed back to the hospital. We can only assume that she didn’t leave at all or that she’s waiting for a chance to get to Reid. I’ve already called in reinforcement to guard his room, but in the meantime have Garcia on watchout. I want the two of you to do a sweep of the hospital, try to see if you can locate her. We have a warrant out for her arrest and I’m bringing it over as we speak,” he told them and that made Emily’s stomach tighten just a little more. They had enough probable cause to arrest her now. Before they could even agree to his orders he hung up the phone. Emily sighed, dropping the phone into her pocket again. She leaned forward a little, putting her hands on her knees as she tried to make sense of it all. She wasn’t in doubt that they had the right person, but something still felt… off. She couldn’t tell if it was the profile or just Reid’s feelings involved.
“Do you need a minute?” Rossi asked, his voice hushed next to her.
“Yeah, probably,” she nodded as a hand was placed on her hunched over back.
“I’ll go get Garcia,” he informed her before he disappeared down the corridor. Emily took a few minutes to collect her thoughts, push all doubt so far into the back of her mind that it couldn’t possibly bother her anymore. If she started doubting, she’d make mistakes and mistakes couldn’t be tolerated, especially not on a case involving one of her own. She owed it up to Reid to make this go as smoothly as possible.
Rossi returned with Garcia who they placed on a chair outside of Reid’s room. They didn’t dare ask him if she could sit in his room with him, so for right now they’d just have to make it work that way. Rossi and Emily started by talking to the nurse who was on call, simply asking if she happened to know when the unsub was coming back to work. She informed them that she wasn’t scheduled to work until the eveningshift the next day, and that she was supposed to work at the post operative unit instead of the ICU. Emily asked if that was normal, to work at two different units, to which the nurse only laughed saying something along the lines of “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a permanent full-time position as a nurse? Most of us work in two different units, at least.”
They went down to the post operative unit next, just to make sure she hadn’t clocked in almost 24 hours earlier than when her shift started. They came up empty there as well. For the next fifteen minutes they did a quick search of three other units, asking different personnel if they’d seen her. Most people had no idea who she even was, which didn’t surprise Emily. It was a big hospital after all.
“Hang on a second.” Emily stopped Rossi’s pace as she glanced over at the doctor who was standing and talking to the officeworker by the lobby. She could vaguely remember seeing the unsub talk to him earlier that morning by the nursingstation in the ICU. The two had seemed close, as if they were friends or close colleagues at the very least.
“Excuse me.” Rossi must have noticed her train of thoughts because he approached the man. “Dr. Ruiz,” Rossi said once he was close enough to read the print of his lapcoat. “I’m Agent Rossi, this is my partner SSA Prentiss.” Rossi pulled out his badge and showed it to the man.
“We’re looking for Leah Clarewater, but we’re having a hard time locating her. Have you seen her?” Emily asked. She was surprised by the doctor’s reaction. More times than not, people would get nervous or upset when they came asking about friends and family. This man seemed… happy? Relieved?
“Well, that was quickly!” He exclaimed. “She’s down in the ER. I’m headed that way myself, so I can walk you down,” he told them. Emily gave Rossi a look, silently asking if he was noticing the strangeness as well. He only shrugged, so they followed the doctor.
“I saw you this morning. Have you been on call for long?” Emily found herself asking as they walked down a corridor.
“It was chaos here last night, masscollision on the highway. I got called in as an extra set of hands. I usually work in post op. but when it’s all hands on deck, it’s… Well, all hands on deck,” he laughed.
“Did Leah get called in as well?” Rossi asked as they reached the elevator.
“Yeah,” he told them, pressing the button which said -1. “Typically we don’t call in nurses, but Leah has a lot of extra training and she’s really good at what she does. Always handy to have around, you know?”
“She works in the post operative unit as well. Have you known her for long?” Emily asked as they stepped out of the elevator. Dr. Ruiz nodded.
“Yeah… For the good part… Three years, is it, now? Wow, how time flies. She’s one of the best I’ve ever seen, to be honest. Cares a lot about her patients, you know? And she’s really good at her job so she’s a thrill to be working with,” he told them. He clearly thought highly of her, just like Reid. This woman had managed to fool not only one, but two doctors. She almost deserved a medal for that.
“Good evening, Dr. Ruiz!” A petite blonde greeted as they made it to the ER. “Are you gonna be working here today?”
“Yeah, no… Not today, Cindy. I’m just looking for Leah, is she still here?” The doctor asked. Emily stood beside Rossi a few steps away from them, just watching the interaction.
“Yeah, she’s down there,” Cindy answered, pointing towards the end of the giant room where a shutter had been closed all the way. “She still refuses to go up to neuro, though. Dr. Charles insisted, but she refuses,” the nurse huffed a little, as if she was annoyed. What she said made Emily’s eyebrows shoot up.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Dr. Ruiz said and Emily noted the awardwinning smile he gave the nurse. He then turned towards herself and Rossi. “I’ll just need to check some files and then I’ll be over. You can talk to her if you want,” he informed them before walking over to the nursestation in the middle of the room. Emily shrugged at Rossi and started walking towards where the nurse had pointed earlier. She dragged the curtains open, revealing the blonde woman who was sitting at the end of the bed, feet dangling back and forth, head buried in her hands and what looked to be an icepack pressed to her forehead.
“Leah Singer Clarewater?” Emily asked, a little uncertain about what exactly was going on. The woman slowly lifted her head, looking up at the agents. She blinked a couple of times, even the movements of her eyelids slow and sluggish and now that Emily could see her face she got even more confused. Her nose was swollen and obviously broken by the way it was leaning towards the right. She had cottonballs sticking out of each nostril, the tips of them stained with blood. She was sporting a massive bruise on her left cheek, the skin there already turned a deep purple which matched bruising around her eyes. She also had a deep gash across her forehead which had a few badges over it to keep it shut. Her throat looked red and Emily could see the indications of handprints developing there. She looked like hell, to say the least.
“You’re… uhm, Dr. Reid’s friends,” she finally spoke up. Her voice sounded hoarse and nasal at the same time. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a few seconds, as if the light was hurting, before opening them. She seemed to have a hard time focusing on the people in front of her.
“We are,” Rossi simply stated, probably as confused as Emily was. He glanced at her, and Emily could only shake her head because the sight in front of her was not what she had expected to find.
“Look,” the nurse said slowly. “I’m off duty right now, and as you can see I’m in no shape to get back to work at the moment. Whatever he needs, there’s other nurses on call now who can help him.” Her voice was still slightly slurred as she spoke, as if she was drugged down or drunk. Emily assumed they had given her a cocktail of drugs for whatever pain she was in.
“Actually, we wanted to talk to you,” Emily pursed her lips together, not knowing how to handle the situation. This woman was still a suspect, but now might not be the best time to have this conversation. They still had a warrant for her arrest, but they couldn’t possibly arrest her right now when she looked like that. There was a lot of information missing here.
“You were with Reid the other night?” Rossi spoke up and that seemed to confuse her. Her eyes were even narrowed than they had been a second ago.
“Oh, right… Right, at the library,” she said as the memories seemed to come back to her. Emily wasn’t a doctor, but she could clearly tell that this woman was seriously concussed. She was in no condition to be having this conversation.
“We just want the stories straight, that’s all,” Emily said, leaving out the part of them thinking she was actually a serial killer. “But we can talk to you later if you’re not up for it right now,” she assured her.
“Later might be a good time,” Dr. Ruiz spoke up, startling Emily a little. She hadn’t even noticed him approaching. “Leah, we’re taking you up to neuro.”
“No, I’m fine,” she waved her hand dismissively and dropped the ice pack. She seemed to have sobered up a little bit since Emily and Rossi had walked in. “I just wanna go home, but I can talk now. Is this gonna take long?” She asked, pushing the doctors hands away as he tried to touch her.
“Leah, seriously,” The doctor tried to make her stay still, but she pushed him off yet again.
“Ruiz, I’m fine,” She jumped off from the bed, leaning down, probably to try to get her bag which was laying on the floor, and then collapsed forward. Emily was about to rush forward on instinct, but the doctor just barely managed to grab a hold of her. She still ended up sprawled out on the floor, but Dr. Ruiz had managed to lighten the fall so she didn’t smack right down.
“Can you give me some space, please?” The doctor asked looking up at Emily and Rossi. He was sitting on his knees besides Clarewater, one hand supporting the back of her head while the other one was pressed against her chest. Rossi and Emily immediately took a step back. They couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch as he pulled a small flashlight out if coat, forcing one of the nurse’s eyes open to check the reflexes.
“Fuck me, that’s bright!” She groaned, clearly not unconscious. She battled his hand away.
“Yeah, you’re totally fine.” Emily could almost hear him roll his eyes at her. He was so done with her bullshit, and in any other situation the two of them might have been adorable. He obviously cared about her, even though she probably annoyed him at times.
“It’s just a BP-drop,” the nurse scoffed. “Is it me or you who’s the doctor here?”
“It’s me, and that’s why you’re going up to neuro.” His voice was stern even as he helped her up on her feet. He gently sat her down on the bed, pushing on her shoulders until she reluctantly laid down. She made small noises of discontent all the time until she closed her eyes against the blinding overheadlight. “Leah, I’ll strap you to the bed if I have to. I have two federal agents here to back me up. We’re taking that trip to neuro whether you like it or not. Doctor’s orders.” That left no room for argument and Emily felt a small smile tug on the corner of her lips, despite the seriousness of the situation. They were like a pair of siblings or an old married couple fighting.
“Is it okay if one of us tags along so we can talk to her once she’s checked out?” Rossi asked once the scene in front of them calmed down.
“Be my guest,” the doctor said, waving another man forward, probably a porter. He picked up the bag from the floor and placed it on Clarewater’s stomach. He unlocked the breaks from the bed and the other man stepped forward, taking his place on the other side. “neuro’s a few floors up and I’ve already called ahead for a CT and MRI, so it might take some time. But if you wanna stick around, then that should be alright.” He informed them as the two men started pushing the bed forward.
“You go. I’ll call Hotch and tell him what’s happened,” Rossi told Emily who only nodded and moved forward to follow the moving bed down the corridors. She decided to stay silent as they traveled around the hospital. She waited outside of the room where the CT was placed, taking a seat in the chair. When the suspect, and yes she wanted to use the word suspect now since she had no idea how to read the situation anymore, was placed safely in the machine the doctor stepped out again. Emily offered him a smile as he took a seat next to her.
“Is she gonna be okay?” Emily asked.
“Leah? Yeah, sure,” Dr. Ruiz laughed. “She’s gotten a few blows to the head, so we’re just ruling out serious brain trauma. It’s probably just a bad concussion, but we have to make sure it’s not something more, you know?”
“I hope it’s not anything worse,” Emily offered her concern.
“Well, it’s Leah so she’ll be fine. She always is,” Dr. Ruiz shrugged. “Sorry you had to see that back there. She’s a really nice girl, but she can be stubborn. She’s this kind of person who always gives 110 percent, you know? I constantly have to remind her to take breaks, because she refuses. Says she hates breaks because she feels like she’s useless when she’s not doing anything. I always try to sneak some treats into her pockets, like proteinbars or something, because I know if I don’t then she’ll be running on adrenaline and coffee the entire day.”
“She seems invested in her work then,” Emily hummed. “You seem to really care about her.” She glanced up at him to see his reaction. He just smiled fondly.
“She’s the best, honestly. She’s kinda like my workwife,” he laughed.
“Oh, really?” Emily couldn’t help but chuckle herself.
“Yeah, whenever we work together things just flow so smoothly, you know what I’m talking about? I mean, she annoys me to death sometimes… mostly because she refuses to look out for herself, but she’s damn good at her job. And she’s a lot of fun to be around and we work really well together. The others down at post op. call us ‘dream team’ because of that,” he laughed again.
“Well, I can only imagine.” Emily felt a little bad about hearing him talk so highly of her when she was a suspect in a murderinvestigation. “So, you know her well then?”
“Not as well as I’d like to,” he muttered, a little sadness lacing his tone now. “I think she buries herself in work. I mean, we were both supposed to be on the morning shift for today, but I switched things around so I could get the eveningshift instead since I had to work the night. Leah is the kind of person who prefers to work doubles. I do that occasionally, too and let me tell you this; it drains you. I think she thrives on it, the more work she has to do, the more content she is, you know? But I think it takes a toll on her social life.” He cocked his head to the side with a little shrug. Emily nodded her head slowly to his words. She had nothing to say to that, because she didn’t know what to say.
“Do you know what happened to her?” She decided to ask instead, wondering what happened in order to give Leah those not so lovely bruises. She had her theories, but right now she had little to nothing to go on.
“No one really knows,” Dr. Ruiz shrugged. “Another employee was headed home and found her by her car in the garage. From what I heard she was unconscious and they brought her up to the ER to get checked out. I haven’t really had the chance to talk to her yet. I was headed down to see her when I ran into you guys.”
“Okay,” Emily nodded along and the doctor stood up from his seat. He stuffed his hands into his pockets.
“Are you a colleague of that federal agent who was admitted last night?” He asked. Emily nodded.
“Yes, and we’re investigating the case. That’s why we want to talk to your colleague, get the full picture,” she told him, leaving out the parts he didn’t need to know.
“Do you think the same person who shot your agent came after Leah?” He asked with a frown on his face. That thought had just crossed Emily’s mind as well, but she still couldn’t be sure. Perhaps the other unsub had lashed out on her. Dominant and submissive partnerships like that hardly ever worked out, especially if the dominant didn’t include the submissive in the whole process. Or if the submissive felt too subjected.
“That’s what we’re here to find out.” Emily offered him her best tight lipped smile.
“You know… We worked on him when he was rushed in, before he went into surgery. She probably doesn’t want to admit it, but she was pretty shaken up about it,” he told her. This time it was Emily’s turn to frown.
“Shaken up how?” She asked. This was news to her.
“You know, just upset I guess,” he tried to explain, but it didn’t bring any clarity. He must have noticed that Emily needed more because he continued. “Leah… she beats herself up over… pretty much anything. I mean, if she loses a patient on her watch she takes that personally, even though it’s not her fault or responsibility. That’s her only flaw, I guess. She cares so much, too much sometimes. And when stuff like this happens, the wheels keep turning. I guess she blames herself? For not being there. She said stuff like if she hadn’t got called in then maybe she would’ve left at the same time as your agent, and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten shot. I tried to tell her to forget about it, but I guess some things you just can’t leave alone,” he shrugged his shoulders. Emily could only offer him a sad smile. She understood it a little more. If this was the kind of person Clarewater made everyone believe she was then it wasn’t weird that she had Reid fooled. But the more she thought about it, the more it made her doubt that maybe this woman wasn’t putting on an act after all. But she couldn’t go there just yet. They still needed to see this through before they could even concidder dropping her as a suspect.
The doctor bid his farewell after that, telling her he had to get back to work. She offered her gratitude before he left, to which he simply replied to with a smile. As Emily waited for their suspect to be done with her check up, she called up Garcia, gave her a heads up about what was going on and told her to see if there was any surveillance by the employee parking. If Clarewater had been attacked there then maybe the cameras had captured her assailant on video. She was just about to call Hotch to let him know as well when she spotted him at the end of the hall. Morgan and J.J. were at his side so she waved them over.
“Dave told us what happened,” Hotch said as he approached. “Where is she?”
“They’re doing a few tests to rule out braininjury,” Emily said as she nodded her head towards the closed door. “She looked pretty beat up so I think it’s gonna take a while until we get to interview her.”
“Garcia just texted me and said she was attacked by her car?” Hotch asked and Emily nodded.
“That’s where she was found,” she confirmed. “Listen, Hotch… I just gotta say… there’s something off about all of this.”
“Yeah, I feel it too.” J.J. said.
“Everyone I’ve talked to so far today says she’s a good girl, has her traumas, sure, but the way they describe her… I just don’t think she’s the one we’re after.” Emily felt the need to be honest with her coworkers. There were times when they’d uprehend the wrong suspect or they had their profile all wrong, and no one liked those moments. But they still needed to play this right. “Could we have made a rushed decision here?” They all looked at Hotch to hear what he had to say. He looked a little uncertain as if he too had no idea what right move was.
“Morgan, I want you and Prentiss to head down to the garage. See if there’s anything there that might help us. J.J., I want you to check on Reid, see if Garcia might need a break. I’m taking Dave with me to the coroner’s. They’ve just re-exhumed Anthony Garland’s body to see if they can determine the cause of death. It appears it might take some time for Leah Clarewater to be ready to talk, but when she is, I want you to do it, Prentiss. You’ve talked to her coworkers, see if there’s anything that doesn’t add up with their stories versus hers. Take the garage first, though. I’ll let the doctors know we want to talk to her before she gets discharged.” Hotch’s message was clear and they all nodded their agreement.
Emily followed Morgan to the parkingstructure next to the hospital. When they got there local authorities and CSI were already on scene. Wow, these people worked fast. They flashed their badge and gave the unit chief a runthrough of why they were there. The floor which Clarewater’s car was parked on was surprisingly empty so it wasn’t strange that no one had seen what had gone down. Including Clarewater’s Emily could spot about fifteen cars when there was probably space for closer to a hundred.
“We think she was assaulted over here,” the unit chief said, pointing to the ground next to the driver’s side of the car. “We think the suspect came up behind her, smashed her head into the car a couple of times before throwing her to the ground,” he informed them and that seemed to be a pretty adequate guess. There was a dent on the edge by the roof of her car and some traces of blood. On the ground there were scuffmarks and a few smaller pools of blood.
“Sir.?” A voice from the other side of the car called their attention. “Found it in the glovecompartment.” The man who spoke was standing in the space between the open passangerdoor and the car itself. He had a gun hanging from the tips of his glovecovered fingers.
“What caliber is that?” Emily asked.
“It appears to be .45,” the man told her. Emily turned to look at Morgan.
“Our missing gun,” he nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “Chief, we have a murderinvestigation going on. Can you rush a ballisticstest on that gun to see if it matches?”
“Sure can do,” he told them. “But that gun’s probably the victim’s, though, since it was found in her car.”
“We’re aware,” Emily countered back, not offering any more information. He gave her a strange look, but didn’t say anything else on the matter. There wasn’t really much to do around the crime-scene, so Emily and Morgan decided not to hover for very long. They’d seen what they needed to and until they’d get the results from the various tests they had little to go on. They stopped by the cafeteria on their way, both in desperate need of fuel. They had been running different errands since the morning and Emily hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. They used half an hour or so for their break, briefing the rest of their team on their findings while eating.
“Do you think it was that nurse?” Morgan asked once they finally had some peace and quiet, even with noise of other people around them.
“Do you?” Emily countered back. She was still a little reluctant about sharing her thoughts.
“I mean, part of me wants to just so we have the right suspect. If it’s not her, then we’re not making any headway,” he shrugged. “But I have this… feeling, like something isn’t adding up.”
“It never really adds up, though,” Emily said. It was true, even when they were 100% certain they’d caught the right guy, there was always a minor detail or two which didn’t make sense to them. It usually always made sense to the unsub, but their logic wasn’t always rational.
“True, but still.” Morgan huffed before taking a sip of his coffee.
“I don’t think it’s her either,” Emily finally said, offering some sort of comfort in telling him he wasn’t the only one who experienced doubt in that moment. “She could be really manipulative with the people around her, but that doctor I talked to earlier… He said that she’d been really worried about Reid. And you can’t fake concern like that.”
“She could be worried about getting caught,” Morgan countered. This conversation really wasn’t going anywhere. They were just throwing out suggestions and the other one shooting them down. It wasn’t because none of them were right or wrong, it was just because none of them really had any idea if Clarewater was the unsub or not. And when they didn’t know for certain, no suggestion was right nor wrong. It was kind of like Schrodinger’s cat which Reid had once told her about.
“I just feel bad for Reid,” she mumbled, followed by a sigh.
“He’ll live,” Morgan shrugged nonchalantly, even though she knew he was just as concerned. “It’s Reid, he’ll pull through.”
“I sure hope so,” Emily said, staring at a blank spot over Morgan’s head as she absentmindly started picking at her cuticles.
“Hey, stop that now!” He scolded at her. “You’ll talk to her later and then you’ll know for sure. I trust your instinct. You can get the vibe whether a person is good or bad within a five minute conversation. If you think she’s the one, then she’s probably the one. If you don’t think she’s the one, then she’s probably not the one. Okay? Easy as that.” He put his hand on top of hers and she was grateful for the small gesture. It did sound awfully easy when he put it like that.
“Okay.” She nodded, offering him a smile to tell him she was good. “They haven’t called yet, so do you wanna head up and check on Reid?” Morgan’s smile brightened at that and he agreed. They put their mostly empty trays of food away, but grabbed their still full coffeecups on the way. When they got back to the ICU Emily noted that Anderson, another federal agent, had arrived and stood stationed outside of Reid’s room. They both greeted him before opening the door and walking inside. Through the window Emily had seen that both J.J. and Garcia were sitting by Reid’s bed so she assumed he had calmed down from his previous lash out.
“How you doing, kid?” Morgan asked.
“Fine,” Reid’s reply was short and simple. He probably still wasn’t in the mood for talking.
“He doesn’t want any updates on the nurse,” J.J. spoke up gently, carefully threading water. Emily’s phone vibrated in her pocket so she fished it out, seeing that there was a number she hadn’t saved. She excused herself before leaving the room. Accepting the call, she pressed the phone to her ear.
“This is Prentiss,” she answered.
“Hi! I’m calling from the Neurology unit at Inova Fairfax Hospital. My notes says that you wanted me to call you on an update with Leah Clarewater,” There was a man who spoke in a very high pitched voice, kind of like Reid’s.
“Oh, yes!” Emily answered. “Is she awake?”
“We decided to admit her for the night, just as a precaution. But she’s awake and coherent, so if you want to see her that should be fine now.”
“Okay, great! I’ll be right over!” Emily said before hanging up the phone. She poked her head in through Reid’s door before she left, just saying she was leaving for a few minutes. Reid hadn’t wanted to know anything, so she didn’t say where she was going. Morgan would know and that was enough.
The hospital was a maze, but she eventually found her way to Neurology. With the help of some lovely nurse she managed to locate Clarewater’s room which was at the very end of the hall. She knocked purposefully on the door, waiting a second before opening it. She poked her head in to see that the person she was looking for was laying down in the bed.
“Hey,” Emily greeted her as she closed the door behind her. “Do you remember me?” She asked as she took a seat in one of the empty chairs. Emily thought it was strange. Clarewater was in her own clothes which had a few stains of blood dried on them, there were no IVs or other kinds of medical equipment connected to her, nothing to indicate she was sick. While Reid had an IV hooked up constantly and a hospitalgown on he still looked far healthier than she did. It was just a funny thought.
“I do, but I must apologise for not recalling the name,” Clarewater sighed. She didn’t sound irritated, just tired. Emily could only imagine.
“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled. “My name is Emily Prentiss.”
“Okay,” the blonde mumbled. “Sorry, I’m just really dizzy and my head is kind of a mess so I probably won’t be able to remember that in, like, five minutes.”
“That’s fine,” Emily assured her.
“You, uh… wanted to talk to me about Spencer?” She lifted her head as if she wanted to look at Emily, but she was wearing a pair of dark, huge sunglasses so it was hard to meet her eyes. Emily took note that she referred to Reid by his firstname.
“Yes, but let’s start with what happened to you in parkinggarage.”
“I honestly don’t remember much.” The nurse leaned forward a little in the bed and rubbed her forehead with both her hands.
“Just tell me what you remember,” Emily offered.
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I was just headed for my car when this guy came up behind me.”
“Do you remember what he looked like?” Emily asked. “Was he tall? Short? Bald perhaps? Did he have any tattoos? Do you remember anything that could help us find him?”
“He was, uhm… tall, I think? I mean, he was taller than me, but I’m, like, five-foot-two so basically everyone’s taller than me,” she explained. “And… um, I didn’t really see his face or anything. At least I don’t think so. I honestly can’t remember. Sorry, my mind’s a mess right now.” She looked up and even though Emily couldn’t see her eyes she knew she was looking sad about it.
“That’s fine. It’s normal not to remember everything right away. And you served some pretty bad blows to the head, so really… Don’t feel bad,” Emily offered her a genuine smile. “Let’s not focus on the details. Can you remember what happened? Was he behind you the whole time or was there a time where you were facing him?”
“No, he, uhm… He came up behind me and smashed my face into the car. Like, hard and repeatedly. Then he threw me down on the ground, on my back, and then he got on top of me. I think I must have closed my eyes or something, because I can’t actually remember seeing his face.” Clarewater explained.
“Are you sure? Try to think really hard.” Emily told her as she made mental notes as to what she was telling her.
“No, you don’t… It’s hard to explain. It’s not like I can’t remember what he looked like, it’s like I can’t remember if I saw him or not. I don’t know how else to explain it, sorry.” She chuckled a little at that before wincing and clutching a hand to her forehead again.
“It’s fine, we’ll come back to that.” Emily assured her. “What happened next?”
“Well, he… got on top of me and started strangling me. And I think I must’ve… fought back or something, because I scratched him and he didn’t like that. So he sorta… lifted me by the front of my shirt and slammed me back down, like, slamming my head against the ground. And he did that a few times and I think I passed out from that, because I… can’t really remember anything after that.”
“Wait, you scratched him?” Emily backtracked a little. That was the most important part of her story so far.
“Yeah, I… I think I must’ve,” she said, holding her hands out. Emily noted that her nails were clipped short, as a nurse’s nails should be, and there was a little blood and what looked like skin under a few of them.
“I’m gonna have someone come up later and collect a sample. There might be some DNA there which can help us find this guy,” Emily informed her and Clarewater dropped her hands again. “Do you remember anything else about him? Did he say anything?”
“Yeah, he… he did, but I don’t think it means anything.” She said with a shrug.
“What exactly did he say?”
“He said… He said ‘Heathens be heathens. Heathens be scapegoats’.” Her voice was slightly shaky as she spoke and that made Emily frown as well. What did that mean?
“And that doesn’t mean anything to you?” Emily asked.
“Why would it?” She scoffed. “I don’t know, that’s what he said.”
“Alright,” Emily nodded. “Do you need a little break?” Emily felt the need to ask. Clarewater seemed… a little shaken up, but fine considering all things. Most victims would be a crying mess halfway through telling their stories, but she wasn’t. She seemed noticeably upset, sure, but not nearly what Emily would expect. She still couldn’t tell if it was whatever medication she might be on or the concussion or if it was something else.
“I just wanna get this over with so I can get some rest.” Clarewater responded, sounding tired so Emily could understand her desire for sleep. “You wanted to talk about your agent?”
“Yes,” Emily said, still a little certain about how to proceed. “We just want to get the timeline right. So, we’re looking into everyone he saw before he got shot and everyone he-” she started explaining before she was cut off.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Clarewater shook her head a little, as if she was trying to grasp something. “What do you mean ‘looking into’?” She asked. Emily’s mouth fell open a little at the defensive tone the other woman had. “Am I a suspect? Is that what this is?” Emily could understand that she’d feel upset about the accusations, but she found herself growing frustrated as well. It was kind of like a defensemechanism for Emily.
“Look, here’s what I know,” She said, keeping her voice stern. “You were the last person to see Dr. Reid before he was shot-”
“I was already at work when he got shot!” Clarewater interrupted. She almost screaming and that must have hurt her head, but she didn’t show it.
“You’ve visited his room on multiple occasions after he got admitted, some of those visits unnecessary, won’t you say? You don’t seem the least bit concerned about what happened to yourself and you’re in a rush to get out of here. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that screams guilty to me and I don’t know what exactly you’re guilty for but I still have to follow all leads,” Emily told her and tried to look somewhat in the center of the sunglasses as if she was trying to maintain eye contact. She looked at her for a long moment before the woman eventually took the glasses off. She winced a little, shutting her eyes for a few seconds before opening them. She blinked a little against the light before she spoke up.
“Why would I shoot Spencer? I barely even know him. It doesn’t make any sense,” She said, her voice a more normal level now.
“Sometimes it just doesn’t make any sense,” Emily told her, keeping her voice in a lower tone to match the other woman’s. “Listen… Is it okay if I call you Leah?” Emily asked to which the other woman just shrugged. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. Me and my team, Dr. Reid included… We’re profilers. We investigate murders and other criminalcases and we evaluate the evidence. Based on that evidence we make a profile of what we think that killer is like, how they act, their education, social life, etcetera. And you do fit that profile, Leah. And I’m only telling you this because Reid… he thinks you’re innocent. So, I owe it to him to be honest with you so you can be honest with me.” Emily watched as her eyes glossed over. She looked genuinely upset.
“You said murder…” She trailed off at the end. “Is Spencer… Is he dead? He was fine when I left the ICU. God, please don’t tell me he’s dead.” She started crying then and that reaction put even more doubt into Emily’s mind. One thing was telling her that she was in the same room as the unsub they were looking for, another thing told her the opposite. It was a tough case, but she remembered Morgan’s previous words and she was adamant to leave that room with more answers than questions.
“Reid is fine, but we assume that whoever shot him might come back,” Emily decided to just be completely honest.
“And you still think that’s me?” Clarewater asked, sniffing through her tears. “You actually think I did this?”
“Prove it wasn’t,” was all Emily could say.
“Yeah, because how do I prove I didn’t shoot anyone?” She laughed darkly at that, even through her tears which were falling more rapidly now.
“How about you start with telling me why your reaction’s so off?” Emily offered. Right now that was the most pressing concern she had.
“Why? Because I’m not curled up in the corner like some baby and feeling sorry for myself?” She scoffed.
“That might be a good place to start,” Emily nodded. She watched as the other woman fiddled a little in the bed before moving to the end of it.
“I just… need to move around for a second,” she sighed, slowly getting up. Emily shot to her feet, afraid Clarewater would fall again. She didn’t go to grab her, just getting ready in case something were to happen. “I’m fine,” she assured her. Once Emily was sure she was actually okay to stand on her own she let the woman move freely.
“Take your time,” Emily said as Clarewater moved to stand by the window. She just looked out it for probably five minutes straight, her face was unreadable. She looked drained of emotions, completely numb.
“Are you gonna tell Spencer about any of this?” She finally asked after a long moment of silence.
“Do you want me to?” Emily asked back.
“No, I honestly don’t want him to know.”
“Alright, then whatever you say to me will not reach his ear. He’s off the case completely now, he said he didn’t want any involvement after we brought you up as a possible suspect,” Emily decided that if she was to get any answers she had to just be honest. She owed that to Reid and to Clarewater.
“He’s too good, you know?” She said, turning her head so she could look at Emily. She had a sad smile on her lips. Emily wondered what she meant by that. “So, you said you’re… profilers? Does that mean you… like, did a background check on me?”
“We did, yes,” Emily answered.
“So, you know about Sam?”
“That’s your brother, right?”
“Yeah,” Clarewater sighed, making her way over to the other chair which was on the other side of the bed. She slumped down in it. She looked… exhausted, there really wasn’t any other way of putting it. “I don’t know how much you know, but I was with him the day he disappeared. And I… just never stopped blaming myself for that. He had been right there. Right there! And in a split second he was gone. And I blamed myself and eventually the police gave up looking and then my parents started blaming me as well… And all this time I still wish it was me and not him. I never got to know what happened to him, but I can only imagine. And whatever horrible things he might have experienced, I still wish it was me and not him.” She explained and Emily felt a little bad for her. She could really understand her struggles, but that still didn’t give her a clear answer. “I don’t tell a lot of people that. Actually, I’ve probably never told anyone that. I’ve told some people about Sammy, though, just not… Anyway, I think it’s clear to say I don’t really care about myself. I mean, I’m not exactly stupid and I know that when people tell me it’s not healthy to have those thoughts, I realize that they’re right, but I just don’t care. I guess I care more about other’s than I do about myself.” She finished with a shrug.
“Leah, don’t take this the wrong way… but are you depressed?” Emily had to ask because the way she talked very much suggested that she was. Clarewater paused for a moment.
“Look, as I said I’m not stupid. I’m not gonna sit here and lie when I’m quite literary trying to clear my name. I don’t think I’m depressed, but then again most depressed people think that… but there’s a possibility. I… tend to bury myself in work rather than feel my… emotions, feelings whatever. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, I don’t like feeling sad and I realize that I do not exactly have a healthy relationship with my emotions… but I didn’t do this. I didn’t shoot Spencer. Enough people around me have been hurt and I don’t ever want to be the reason for that again.” Tears were streaming down her face again towards the end of her speech. Emily felt the urge to hug her, something she had never done before with a suspect.
“Leah, listen to me… You did not hurt your brother. You are not the reason he’s gone. I know it’s hard, but try to believe me when I say that you did nothing wrong. Nothing,” Emily spoke sternly, putting pressure on all the right words. Clarewater raised her eyes to look at her.
“So… Do you believe me?” She asked. “I would never hurt Spencer, at least not on purpose. I know I’m fucked up. Sorry for cursing, by the way. I know I’m messed up, but I wouldn’t go around shooting someone. And especially not Spencer. He… he’s possibly one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Emily had to smile at that last part.
“You know, he said the exact same thing about you.” She knew it wasn’t her place to tell, but she realized this woman needed to hear some positive words right now.
“He did?” Clarewater asked. Her eyes were still glassy. “So, you believe me?” And that was the question, wasn’t it. It had an easy answer now.
“Yes, Leah. I believe you,” Emily told her honestly. “I’m gonna be honest with you now and you need to hear this. The people we usually hunt, they’re like you. They’ve had a bad childhood or have some mental disorders, or something else to make them lash out… But not everyone who experiences trauma becomes killers. Some people are like you, they spend all their time and effort on helping others. You do need to remember, though, that you have to take care of yourself as well, okay?”
“I try…” Clarewater said in a hushed voice. “Or actually, that’s a lie. I want to try. I guess it’s just easier to take care of others than myself.”
“Maybe you should start by doing that, put yourself first?” Emily suggested.
“Maybe,” she shrugged, but Emily had a feeling she wouldn’t take that suggestion to heart. It wasn’t her place to say anything on the matter, not really, but oh how she wanted to. This woman had been through enough.
“I still have a few questions before we’re done, is that okay?” Emily asked, deciding it would best to just hurry things along so Clarewater could get some rest. “We found a gun in your car… Is there any reason you have it?” The woman fiddled a little in her seat, as if she didn’t quite want to answer the question. Emily actually believed that Clarewater wasn’t behind this, not anymore, but there were still so many questions and evidence still pointing towards her.
“Would you buy it if I said it’s for protection?” She asked, looking up at Emily through her lashes. “I want to be honest here, but I also really don’t want to get into detail about that… I bought the gun… years ago and it is for protection. I’ve never even fired it and it has nothing to do with Spencer so do I really have to go into details?” She looked genuinely uncomfortable, so Emily decided to let it go. But she still had some things to say on the matter.
“Hey, why you got it is actually none of my concern. It’s what you use it for that we’re interested in. I have to tell you this, since you’re still technically a suspect until we’ve ruled out everything, but we’re gonna test the gun, just to see if matches the gun we’re looking for. If it doesn’t, then there’s no problem here,” Emily informed her. She nodded shortly. “I also need to ask you about last night. We just need to hear your side of what happened after you left the library.”
“I uhm… I was just trying to read this book at the library. And I know this is probably gonna make me sound… even more suspect, I guess, but I’m hardly ever there. I just… lately I’ve been having a lot on my mind and I already explained how I am with emotions… I just couldn’t be at home alone, so I decided to just… head out. So, I went to the library and apparently I left my card by the printer. Spencer found it and returned it to me since I was still there,” she explained. Emily nodded for her to continue. It didn’t make her more of a suspect in her eyes, especially since she now believed closer to 90% that this woman wasn’t who they were looking for. “We got to talking, because… You know, he seemed nice. We didn’t really talk that much, because I got called into work around… I’m sorry, I know when they called and I know when I arrived, but my head’s still kind of a mess.”
“We checked and you clocked in at nine-fourty-eight,” Emily offered. Garcia had checked earlier.
“Yeah… that sounds about right. I always clock in the minute I walk into work. And if I remember correctly then they called around half something, so probably nine-thirty. It’s in my phone, so I can just check to make sure.” She said.
“No need, that seems to fit with the timeline.” Emily respond. “So, let’s say it took you around fifteen minutes to get from the library to work, does that sound right to you? You didn’t make any stops along the way?” The team had already checked this, estimating that with the light traffic so late at night it would probably take about ten minutes to drive that distance, and given the time it would take to park, get from the parking garage, change clothes and clock in fifteen-twenty minutes seemed more than plausible.
“No, I just headed straight in. They said it was an all hands on deck situation, so I got here as fast as I could.” She answered.
“Alright, that seems to match our timeline.” Emily told her. “I think that is enough for right now.”
“That’s… it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.” Emily offered the most reassuring smile she could muster. She had everything she needed. Sure, they’d have to wait for the ballisticstest on her gun to come back, but she already assumed that wouldn’t be a problem. “As I said before, we’re still going to check your gun, just a procedure. But if the test comes back negative then we can officially drop you as a suspect.”
“So… you actually believe me? This isn’t some kind of trick is it? Because I’ve been nothing but honest and if this-”
“Leah, I believe you.” Emily interrupted her, leaning forward in her seat a little. “Okay? I believe you.” She said it again, just to make sure Clarewater understood that she was genuine. Her initial response was to let out a shaky breath.
“Thank you,” she breathed out, her eyes watering a little again. “I mean, I shouldn’t be thanking you for not thinking I’m some lunatic who just goes around shooting random people, but… thank you.” Emily couldn’t help but laugh at that and suddenly she could see why Reid likes her so much.
“There’s no need to thank me, Leah. I just wanted answers and you were honest with me. That’s all I needed to know.” Emily shrugged.
“But you still thought I did this… and I still swear I didn’t, but doesn’t that… like, leave you back to square one?” Clarewater asked.
“It kind of does,” Emily agreed. “But we’ll catch whoever is behind this.” That caught Clarewater’s attention.
“Do you think whoever shot Spencer might be the same person who attacked me?” Emily had to purse her lips a little.
“It’s a theory,” she said. “But you being the person who shot Reid was also just a theory. So, it might just be a theory and nothing more than a theory.”
“I’m still a mess and that was a lot of ‘theory’s in the same sentence.” Clarewater said while shaking her head, looking a little lost. Emily found herself chuckling again. “But I think I got the point.”
“I’m sorry,” Emily said, a little sheepishly. “I should probably let you get some rest now. It’s been a long day for you, so remember what I told you about trying to take care of yourself, okay?” She nodded, but Emily still had her doubts about wether she’d actually listen to those words.
“I’m sorry, but what was your name again? I know it was something on ‘E’, I just think my brain is shutting down now.” Clarewater asked.
“Emily.” She smiled.
“Is it okay if I call you Emily or do you prefer Agent… something else I don’t remember.” Now that Clarewater was unofficially ruled out as a suspect Emily realized that she started to like her.
“Emily is just fine.” She replied.
“I know this is gonna sound really inappropriate, but can I hug you?” That was a really inappropriate request, but one that Emily couldn’t find it in herself to deny. So, she rose from her seat and the other woman met her halfway. They embraced and it wasn’t this earthshattering experience. There was no crying on the shoulder, no messing up make-up, just a comforting hug. But Emily found it that she had needed a hug just as much as Clarewater had.
“You try to get some rest, okay?” Emily said, stroking the other woman’s back a final time before stepping back. “I’m gonna have someone come in soon so they can collect the DNA-sample from your fingernails. And we might have some more questions for you later regarding your own assault, but for tonight I think you should just rest. Is that okay?” Clarewater nodded and went back over to her bed. She laid down in it, drawing the blankets around her.
“Hey, uhm, Emily?” She asked just as Emily was about to leave.
“Yeah?”
“You said if I remembered anything?” Clarewater started. “The man who attacked me… I’m pretty sure he was an addict or something.”
“What makes you say that?” Emily frowned.
“Or maybe not addict, but he was really irrational. When he… said those words, he said it when he was slamming my head into the ground. And he… Well, he was so angry, but his voice was calm. It was like his body was full of rage, but his mind wasn’t, if you know what I mean?” Clearwater explained and Emily did. “He just… he wasn’t sane is what I’m saying. I guess that’s something important for you to know.”
“It is.” Emily assured her. “It really is. Thank you, Leah. Now if there’s anything else, no matter how small the detail may be, then call me, okay?” Emily picked a card out of her pocket and left it on the nightstand before deciding she had occupied enough of Clarewater’s time.
“Thank you.” She smiled. “You’ll look out for Spencer, right? He’s a good guy.”
“Of course we will. He has a whole team behind him who cares about him very much.”
“That’s good. He deserves that.” Clarewater smiled once more and Emily took that as her que to leave. She almost didn’t even get out of the room before she called someone to collect the DNA-sample, feeling like that might answer one question if they’d get a match. Even though she walked out of Neurology feeling ten times lighter, she still felt like the more answers she’d gotten, the more questions popped up.
She returned to the ICU to find Morgan standing outside of Reid’s door, phone to his ear. She decided to wait for him to finish talking, so she started a friendly conversation with Anderson.
“What’d the girl say?” Morgan asked once he’d hung up.
“I don’t think it’s her.” Emily sighed, getting right to the important part.
“Well, ballistics agree with you.” He informed her and Emily’s eyes went wide.
“You got the report already?”
“Well, I told the chief to put a rush on it and what can I say? They really put a rush on it.” He laughed. Emily felt even lighter now.
“So, the gun didn’t match, then?” Emily asked, just to be sure.
“No. That was the gun expert I just talked to. He said he didn’t even need to test it since the gun hadn’t been fired in a while. He actually concluded that the gun had never been fired. But he did a testround anyway just to be sure and it doesn’t match.” So, Clarewater really had been telling the truth. Not that Emily had doubted that after the heart to heart they’d had, but it was good to have a solid piece of evidence as well.
“So, does that mean we can rule her out then?” Emily asked and Morgan shrugged.
“I mean, we still gotta brief the rest of the team and hear what Hotch has to say, but to me it’s a pretty straight case. We have no evidence tying her to any of the shootings or murders, we’ve all had mixed feelings about her, your good peopleknowing skills speak in her favour… And Reid’s as well. I say she’s no longer a suspect.” Morgan shrugged and Emily had never once in her life been so relieved that they’d caught the wrong person.
