Have you ever felt so emotional over something you know for a fact is rational?
Have you ever lost someone who didnt even die?
Have you ever felt your heart rip out your chest because you know there is no way out? That no other option to you remains?
Have you ever had to choose between your safety and your love?
Have you ever had to fight just to keep your own?
Have you ever felt so weak you had no choice but to give up hope because no one ever comes?
Have you ever begged for help but your voice was never heard?
Have you trained for years for something only to find that the one you trained so hard for... is beyond what you could bear?
There is a deep seated grief to it all. To giving your best, your heart, soul, mind to someone only to find it will never be enough. To be the most qualified person to handle the situation and still falling so far short.
There's a deep sense of failure despite none of it being your fault. You did what you could, more than what anyone can reasonably ask of you, and still, it just wasn't enough.
My heart goes out to the caregivers who realize that everything they've done... was for nothing. That in the end, you still had to give them away. For those who wonder if those who were once in their care think they've been abandoned or unloved or unwanted in any way. For those who ache and desperately wish things were different, that they were better, smarter, stronger, wiser if only it meant their loved ones could live with them again.
I cry for those parents who are harshly judged for making the impossible decision that it is better for their child to let them go. For those who fought to stay in their child's lives only to be met with nothing but resistance by their mew caregiver facilities until they lose their strength... because there is nothing left for them to do.
My heart aches for the children who are left in the hands of strangers, of people hired off the streets and receive no real training. The children whose voices are never heard, never loud enough, who believe no one loves them and doesn't understand why their parents seem to not want them. To children who believe they are a lost cause because nothing ever seems to go their way.
But more than anything, I hate that the world we live in leaves us no choice.
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