STAR-SHAPED MORGUE.

i never promised you your dream boy, i'm better as your chew toy.

[wshyeon]

hello! i’m peyton (19+, they/them) and i will be writing for blue.m’s main rapper, lee hyeon — more crude than an idol has any business being, but not nearly as bad as he seems & currently undergoing the arduous task of reinventing himself... you know how it is. hit the heart button if you’re interested in plotting and i will come to you asap (or feel free to add me on discord at peyton#2067). in the meantime, you can read up on all things hyeon below or click any of these links for more info: CAREER, DOSSIER, PLOTS, PINTEREST.

HISTORY ——

born in mapo-gu during the tail-end of 2000. all parents fuck up their kids at least a little bit — hyeon’s fucked him up by putting more effort into their careers than raising him. when he was 5, they took turns pushing juice boxes into his sticky little hands and setting him in front of the shitty old box tv for hours at a time. their tactic by the time he was 15 was pretty similar: leaving him alone for long stretches of time is okay as long as he has some capri-suns, ramyeon packets, the dvd player and a long list of chores! don’t forget the note telling him you’ll be home late, so he shouldn’t wait up! no worries!

(very lonely. so lonely. so, so lonely. i can not stress this enough.)

naturally, he learned to seek fulfillment in (1) fun experiences that made him forget he was lonely and (2) attention. usually both at the same time. has always been loud and disruptive, also hung out with a rough crowd so his reputation wasn’t ✨ the best ✨ but tbh he’s never been that bad. a couple fights here and there, some underage drinking/smoking, shit-talking. basically the same as any other teen who has a bone to pick

started a youtube channel in 2015 to feed that desperate craving for attention where he posted skits, vlogs and some music stuff — most of it was on the funnier, attention-grabbing side and it did in fact grab attention! went viral a year later with a stupid song him and a couple friends made about sk’s school culture (vibe-wise, something like stress come on by big byung LOL)

speaking of music, he got into the rap/hip-hop scene when he was around 12, but didn’t start attempting to rap until 2014, and didn’t become fully involved in the scene until 2016 — it was the popularity of his joke song that made him think maybe he should pursue rap fr

2016 to 2019 was spent writing songs, making beats, filming yt videos, working part-time jobs and doing street rat shit.

he graduated in february 2019 and immediately started living alone and working “part-time” (full-time, on the payroll as two separate people so his boss wouldn’t have to give him benefits idk let’s not talk about it) as a pizza delivery boy which was far from his first job but it was the first one he kept because he had bills to pay!

the next 7 months were spent… terribly. his pay was shit, his friends didn’t have his best interests in mind, HE didn’t have his best interests in mind, his health was on a decline, his bad habits were getting worse, but hey! his subscriber count was still growing, and the crowds at dingy little underground clubs loved the energy that this newcomer brought to the stage!

wasn’t happy but kind of had himself convinced that he was, if you get what i mean? he didn’t expect much out of life, felt like he was trapped in this cheap routine for good so he didn’t care about getting out of it. but he was approached by a talent scout in august ‘19 (after one of his not-so-shady sets ofc) and while he absolutely DESPISED idols at the time (still kind of does tbvh), he was on a steady path to burning out by 25 so he was like you know what? i’m in a silly goofy mood 🤪 let’s give this a shot

so here he is. confident on the outside, lost & confused on the inside, but isn’t everyone? still considers jumping ship and going back to his “normal life” sometimes but at this point, he really wants to see what the future holds.

his goals are to produce for the group / other groups within the company and get rich off royalties, ditch blue.m and go back to the “real” rap scene, buy a nice house and settle into a comfortable, happy family by the time he’s 35. he only has one short-term goal and that is to get through blue.m’s debut without losing his shit (if it’s anything like damdadi, he’s gonna need all the good vibes he can get!)

PERSONALITY ——

IDOL IMAGE: token tough guy — cold on the outside, but warm on the inside and “cuter” than he seems at first. plays hard to get with fans, but sulks when they tell him that they’ll start liking someone else. mischievous, known for playing pranks, cracking (arguably inappropriate) jokes & his foul play during games / variety shows. sore loser, even worse winner. mic hog, management tries to tell him to be seen and not heard but he will talk any chance he gets even if he isn’t supposed to. pokes fun at other members, but only appears to actually be close to a couple of them. somebody leaked a thirst trap selfie he took predebut and to make matters worse, he had a pc of jessi on the back of his phone in it so you KNOW no one will ever let him live it down 😞 wants to be the (unattainable) heartthrob and idk maybe sometimes he is but once fans get to know him, he always gets pinned as the annoying younger brother type unfortunately. fans joke that he’s gonna be the source of blue.m’s first scandal but tbh they’re probably right

worth noting that he was supposed to be pushed as the mysterious shy type (mainly just to keep him quiet because once he starts running his mouth, everybody’s doomed) but he couldn’t stop talking long enough for it to work out and then the thirst trap leak happened so yuseong gave up on that ♥️

REAL PERSONALITY: rough around the edges, obnoxiously loud voice (“why is he always yelling? 😩”), inclination to swear, little regard for honorifics, chatty, hot & cold demeanor… but nicer than he seems at first! tbh he kinda seems like he’s trying to catch hands most of the time, but he’s just a very unfiltered/crude person. was raised by a bunch of same-aged troublemakers instead of parental figures and it shows. approaches people as if he already knows them because there’s nothing he hates more than that awkward first meeting stage, but his approach in friendships is to talk a little shit and tease people, so his intentions can very easily be misunderstood. a lot of older people don’t like him because of this, but i think he’s the kind of guy who grows on you??? very genuine and consistent in how he presents himself, so you can dislike him all you want but he’s rly just being himself, you know?

also an attention hog, though. does and says some pretty outrageous shit just to get people looking at him (literally does not care why they’re looking as long as they are), so it’s just as possible that he will never grow on you because he’s very impulsive & short-sighted, just wants to have fun without thinking about consequences. he’s really fun to party with because he’s everybody’s bff once he gets a little tipsy, but “slightly” less fun as an actual friend because he’s a nosy instigator with anger management problems.

masquerades as someone who can’t be touched, but he’s really soft-hearted on the dl. currently working through some long-term emotional repression and toxic masculinity. complains like hell but still follows through on (most of) his obligations, helps grannies carry their groceries, cries over dramas, betrays his idgaf attitude to try to make peoples’ parents like him to make up for the fact that his own parents don’t. a lot of misplaced anger and a nasty god complex, and while he’s far from entirely good, he isn’t too bad either. but idk you can make that judgement for yourself ig

PERSONALITY ANALYSES: one, two

TRIVIA ——

very small family: rumor has it he has a couple aunts, uncles and cousins, but he’s certainly never met them. distant grandparents. fickle parents. occasionally contacts his mom & dad, but only out of some fleeting desire to reconnect followed by reminders that it’ll never feel ‘right’. that said, he wants to have a big family someday — fans have him on record for saying that he wants to marry into a big, happy family and go on fun holiday vacations.

changes his ideal type every time he’s asked, gives contradicting answers on purpose because he thinks it’s funny to see fans trying to figure out how they can check all of his boxes

used to be pretty confident and on the surface he still is, but he has some persistent acne scars that really mess with his self-image when he’s supposed to look good 24/7 😖 give him skincare tips please

lies, but only about really stupid things. he’s honest about the things that he should hide, and he’s dishonest about things that literally could not matter less. i.e, he will look you straight in the eye and tell you he has an alcohol dependency but he’ll make up some intricate lies about playing soccer in hs when he was never actually athletic at all

edits/films for the members’ vlogs, has a very playful editing style chock-full of sound effects, funny side-notes snuck into the subtitles & references to trendy memes. greedy with the camera, doesn’t always have to be the one it’s focused on but if he isn’t, he wants to be the one holding it (tbh he really misses being a youtuber and it shows)

collects cologne & accessories

his career page says that he’s skilled at caricatures and he definitely is, but it’s a skill that he pulled out of his ass because he didn’t know what else to say. likes to draw and also likes to make fun of people so it’s a perfect fit

starts & ends his day by meditating because management swears it’ll help him get his anger under control but idk he hasn’t seen any results yet :/

always on the go, but usually up to no good. ditches his responsibilities in favor of having fun even if it means he’ll get himself and/or other people in sticky situations. literally doesn’t care. skips practice all the time or shows up late and somehow he’s still debuting so 🤷‍♂️

[wshyeon]

𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿.

summary: gotta flex on ‘em... (hyeon vs red carpet) warnings: none.

380 words.

it’s a love song, technically, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be addressed to somebody else.

/

it starts as a skeleton beat, defined in the corners but empty where it matters. a dying passion project, you could say, and that’s precisely why hyeon gives it away. he’s too attached to delete the file, too disinterested to keep working on it and besides, he’s got something else on his plate, too — it’s hard to work on ‘maybe’s’ when his days are dedicated to blue.m and his nights to dandelion, even more difficult to refrain from letting bits and pieces of ‘my second date’ sneak into every other halfway-finished piece of art.

there’s no point in dragging it out.

“sure, i like what you’ve got. i’ll keep working on it for you,” is what he’s told, and he assumes that it’s empty talk from a producer he’s managed to get on decent terms with. nothing more, nothing less. maybe he’ll work on the song or maybe he won’t, but either way, hyeon doubts that he’ll hear it again. rights revoked, effort lost: a synopsis of the industry, an end result that he’s already tired of resisting. but sometimes —

sometimes things work out, no?

/

the first time that he hears the finished project, he doesn’t understand what it is, why he’s here. he says something like ‘i don’t hate it, but why did you call me here just to listen to it?’ and the producer says, “because it’s yours.”

/

except it’s not that simple. nothing ever is, and by the time ‘red carpet’ is approved for release by the company, it’s different than what it was before:

a softer beat, polished lyrics, a vibrant color scheme in the music video mock-ups — he’s still an idol after all, and a fairly new one at that. the loss of credibility would’ve bothered him in the past, and even now, there’s an instant in which it does, but he’s all smiles on set.

(you make the impossible seem possible, i just want to know who you are whatever you want to do, it’s your call just don’t argue, don’t argue it’s pointless to do that where you are)

sure. it still feels like a song for him, anyway.

[wshyeon]

bluemofficial thanks to blossoms for making me feel important on my 21st! i would’ve updated sooner, but i couldn’t remember the password 😖  you understand, right?

[wshyeon]

wsahreum:

( ... )

“what are you doing here?” and of course she also changes the center of the topic, doesn’t let hyeon question her further, even playfully nudges him again so it seems like she’s still the playful and bright ahreum and that she wasn’t upset, but her gesture is stiff, her tone is stiff, her nudge is stiff, her words a little awkward like she’s trying to make up for the hint of misery that could be in her voice with overdoing things. “got tired of yuseong and wants to change companies?”

“that wasn’t my fault,” he defends, just like he did back then—headstrong and tireless in his attempts to wash the blame from his hands. then again, hyeon had intended for her to miss 1st period. his own track record was already lousy enough that he’d even thought they might miss class together, sit in some corner and watch videos on his phone or maybe he’d go over her schedule with her and promise that he knew exactly where each and every one of her next classes were so that he could still come out as the hero in the end. (in retrospect, nothing ever really played out how he had intended for it to.)

sometimes he feels sorry when he looks at her. not pitiful, just like maybe he should’ve treated her better back then, given her more reasons to keep hanging on when his life was going downhill. suppose that that’s why they’d fallen out of touch, anyway: her always trying, him always expecting more. but they’re older now and while the energy between them feels just the same, he’s matured. odds are that she has too, even though there’s something so painstakingly familiar in the way she brushes off her emotions. again, he feels sorry. wonders if she’d be quicker to open up if he were more emotionally intelligent. a break from practice—right. “in other words, you’re slacking off.” it’s a taunt, spoking casually and through a devilish grin. of course he doesn’t mean it, and of course it isn’t the case, but what more is there to say when she won’t even toss out any crumbs?

so he lets her take the lead for now. if someone had snuck up on him and immediately started prying into their privacy, he probably wouldn’t want to talk either, and he doesn’t think that they’ve reconnected quite enough for him to get back to pushing his luck just yet.

“nah, wishbone and yuseong are currently fighting for my loyalty. wishbone offers more creative freedom, but yuseong’s more consistent and i’ve already signed their contract. it’ll take me a decade to pay off the breakage fee. oh, woe is me.” he leans his head back, stares at the far-away ceiling for a few long seconds and sighs. it’s all a matter of putting on a show, whether she’s looking at him or not. the theatrics never cease. still, he wonders if she’d believe if she’d believe the story if he’d told it with more certainty, or if he’d just look pretentious. 

he certainly feels pretentious when he tells her the truth, though: “i’ve been working on something.” and he’s not sure whether the embarrassment comes from, because he’s so quick to seek praise & validation from anybody else. always hyeon, the try-hard. but with her, he’s still just hyeon. not much to speak of, but ambitious all the same. head down, he continues. “i helped write and produce one of blue.m’s songs, you know. humph or whatever. i made some connections through that, and now i’m working on something for you. well, for your group, but same thing, right?”

he laughs under his breath, a sound that’s stuck somewhere between smug and sheepish. somehow, even his truth sounds like a lie, so he refrains from discussing the matter any further. whether she’s a member of the group or not, he probably shouldn’t be talking about the project anyway, nda and all.

“back to you, though. i can’t help but feel like if you were really just trying to take a break, there are much better places you could do that, right? it’s a small company, but not so small that you should end up here.”

[wshyeon]

september ‘21, ft @wschorong.

‘anything you want’ — a promise made in guilt, he’s sure, but that never meant that hyeon wouldn’t take full advantage of it. after all, there’s a reason he’d spent days, weeks, months complaining about that damn day when chorong had shoved a duster into his hand faster than he could come up with a reason to leave. in retrospect, it wasn’t a bad experience: it’s just that he’s insufferable and she’s his favorite target. so he hears ‘anything you want’ and he thinks less about himself than he does about her, about what they could do together that would push her outside her comfort zone. in the end, the answer is simple: rage.

he’s never seen her truly angry, despite knowing damn well that he’s had good reason to. if not for the smartass remarks that he makes just to chip away at her composure, then definitely all the times that he’s stepped on her heels (sometimes on accident, other times not) and he’s equally aware that his irritants are just the tip of the iceberg. surely she’s got something else on her mind, something else to be mad about. so, he brings her to a rage room — and sure, he’d sort of paid for the longest, most destruction-filled session for himself and all of his own repressed emotions, but most of his thrill will come from seeing her let loose. if she’ll let loose.

he steps into the room and fragments of broken glass left over from a previous session crack under his boots, but with the bulky head protection in place, the sound evades him. he tightens his grip on the metal baseball bat in his hand, waves it playfully at chorong. “on second thought... maybe we shouldn’t have come here. think you’ll even be able to break anything?” he asks, tone taking on that of a taunt. grinning, he adds: “bet you can’t.”

[wshyeon]

𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 '𝟐𝟏, starring lee hyeon as mothman.

yes, this costume has been his passion project since april. yes, he’s been leaving black faux feathers in his bedroom ever since (sorry to his roommate, but not really). yes, he has meticulously hand-sewn or glued every damn feather onto this costume himself, wings, pants and shirt included. yes, he will be wearing gloves with ‘talons’ attached (if he ditches them ten minutes in to comfortably hold a drink, so what?). place your bets on how long he’ll wear the bulky, heavy ass wings before he gets tired. he will not be taking his red sunglasses off all night, so you already know that he’s looking extra pretentious! after all, lee hyeon is not one to underdress. 

[wshyeon]

bluemofficial nabi keeps forgetting everything i tell him lately... maybe he’s just not interested in me anymore? 😖  anyway, i hope you’re all enjoying red carpet! here are some behind the scenes pics~

[yuseongent]

BLUE.M Hyeon - ‘Red Carpet’

ㅡ STATION: Red Carpet ㅡ RELEASE: 10.13.2021 ㅡ STATION MV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUY8t8vv_DA

Ⓒ All Rights Reserved Yuseong Entertainment.

[yuseongent]

BLUE.M Hyeon  -  'Red Carpet’ MV

Artist : Lee Hyeon of BLUE.M Release : 2021.10.13 Credits: WS Stations project

[wshyeon]

wsheejin:

( ... )

but after that thought passes, she’s immediately hit with the realization that he doesn’t recognize her. she tries to imagine being in his position and not recognizing one of the comet members at the store, but she can’t. when she was this guy’s age, she was fully tuned into the industry and almost painfully aware of her seniors’ presence whenever she ran into them.

so she stands there in shock before finally responding: “you don’t recognize me?” 

should she be insulted? angry? or simply amused? she can’t decide.

what? ‘you don’t recognize me’? he doesn’t mean to (not consciously, at least), but he scoffs, unsure of whether annoyance or disbelief is his motivation — he’d consider himself to be above average at remembering faces, even better at remembering names, but it isn’t fair to expect him to know every retail store employee.

he takes a few silent seconds to look at her, really trying for her sake to pull some long-forgotten memory to the surface. maybe she’d sold him his first burner cover three years ago. (that’s a long time to be working in a place like this, he thinks. he almost starts to pity her.)

“should i?” is his response. meaner than he’d meant to sound, but such is always the case with him. he smiles to dull the edges, but it’s a smile that feels more condescending than polite even as he’s trying to smooth it out. a realization hits him like a ton of brings: he would never fare in a place like this.

“i meet a lot of people every day, so it’s hard to remember every single one — you get it, right? i’m sorry to say it, but no, i don’t recognize you.” he sighs impatiently, shifts his weight, throws a glance over his shoulder. it’s a free day, but that doesn’t mean that he wants to spend it right here.

“so, are you going to help me out with the microwaves or not?”

[wshyeon]

@wsahreum said: “you’re getting exceptionally good at finding me.”

he finds her between the third and fourth floors of wishbone records, perched on a staircase that he doubts is used very much if the dust lining the railing is anything to go by. intuition tells him that she must want to be alone, but instinct tells him to approach anyway—so he does, docs squeaking against linoleum as he looks at the back of her head. he lays his palm against the crown of her skull, ‘playfully’ pushes forwards: not enough to be a true bother, but enough of a disturbance to get on her nerves (he hopes).

“always have been,” is his answer, short, sweet and just as snarky as ever. a tired sigh is huffed out as he lowers his weight to sit beside her. in fact, he’s tired from working on a song for her group. something he might brag about if the timing was better, but he’s smarter than he lets on. smart enough to read between the lines, know that ‘you found me’ means ‘i was hiding’ and unless she’s still carrying on that game of hide & seek from eight years ago, it can’t be a good thing.

“remember your first day of high school? when i gave you shitty directions to your homeroom?” back then, he’d hoped that she’d text him again, ask for his help. he can’t remember what his motive had been now. boredom, probably. always looking for an excuse to bullshit his way out of his own classes. “somehow, i found you on the other side of the wing.” he snorts and nudges her side with his elbow, always a little too forceful.

“seriously, though: what the hell are you doing here? it’s all... dusty.”

[wshyeon]

𝙖 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙮 𝙤𝙣 𝙡𝙚𝙚 𝙝𝙮𝙚𝙤𝙣.

”fashion is not necessarily about labels. it’s not about brands. it’s about something else that comes from within you.”

a visualization of fashion & intensity.

[wshyeon]

october '21, starring @wsheejin.​

* comes complete with a coordinating trim kit! * now 22 inches wide!

coordinating trim kit? a whole four inches wider? — clearly, hyeon’s out of his depths as he walks the housewares aisle, perusing cardboard boxes that all promise to be so much better than the last. if he were paying, he’d forsake quality for frugality, but the manager’s card is sitting pretty in his pocket & as long as it won’t be a dent in his wallet, he might as well try to choose something that’ll be good for the dorm, something that’ll last long to make up for the too-soon defeat of a microwave that he’d broken.

he leans his head far to one side, then to the other until his neck cracks. why the hell did he have to be the one to break it? why had they sent him to buy a new one?

don’t they know how clueless he is?

he sighs, hands on his hips and head down, but staring at his shoes doesn’t do much in terms of helping him make a decision either, so he retreats—abandoning the threatening array of options to find an ‘employee’ to help him. with long strides, he approaches the first one that he sees: no homeplus uniform, but that tired look on her face says everything that he needs to know. (at least he thinks it does.)

“hey, excuse me,” he calls, steady in his approach. he stops directly in front of heejin, leaving no room for speculation. “i’m trying to find the best microwave for a dormitory, do you have any recommendations? or could you, like... at least help me figure out what these stats mean?” eyes wide and full of confusion, he flicks one thumb over his shoulder to gesture at the aisle behind him. 

“unless you’re busy. but you don’t really look it.”

[wshyeon]

small post to say that my wifi is cut off til i get paid friday LOLLL sorry for disappearing from ims…. i’ll b back asap

[wshyeon]

𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆, 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆.

summary: connections get u far in life or whatever... (hyeon helps write & produce ‘my second date’ for dandelion). mentions of: han chorong, choi minhee, park ahreum... living in this man’s mind rent free.

1,312 words.

even the smallest stone makes a ripple in the water. a saying that hyeon’s always hated, but now he finds it to be true—had it not been for his participation in the ‘answer songs’ project & the subsequent ass-kissing, he never would’ve gotten that lyricist’s phone number. if he’d never gotten that lyricist’s phone number, he wouldn’t have been able to send him those straight-forward texts (“hyung~ what are you doing?” “working...” “on what?” “i shouldn’t say much but i’m @ wishbone” “can i help?”) & if he’d never sent those straight-forward texts, he wouldn’t be here: in a dimly-lit studio, getting comfortable in a chair that doesn’t squeak (take notes, yuseong!) while he listens to the playback of some untitled track’s demo. 

it’s an experimental beat, thick with reverb and heavy bass—just when he thinks he knows where it’s going, the direction changes. it’s exactly the kind of song that he likes, though he hides his giddy smile behind a half-fist. “what theme are we shooting for with the lyrics, then?”

“what do you think? love, obviously.” a well-meaning eye-roll, arms stretch above the lyricist’s head. “sometimes i wonder why i write for idols.”

“love’s a fun thing to write about, though.”

“that’s rich coming from you.”

and then they both laugh. maybe at hyeon, maybe at the blatant honesty, or maybe at the project in front of them. it’s hard to tell, but the moment passes & hyeon pulls up the lyric doc on the computer in front of him whilst his company does the same beside him. two cursers floating around the same page. 

at least the page is outlined. today is... my second date! opens the document, italicized english characters. spoken-word, probably. it’s unappealing to the rookie’s eyes, but he isn’t about to start nitpicking when he’s barely gotten started. there’s some redemption in the lines below — nerves depicted through struggling to pick outfits, mirror rehearsals, time ticking away & those clumsy conversations in which everything feels important. 

somehow, his mind drifts to minhee and the ‘desperation’ all over her face, doused all over her words that first time that they’d hung out together. how he’d kept shutting her out and she’d kept trying to get in. he wonders if she’d felt like she were at a loss, or if that optimism of hers had been steadfast. wonders if she’d wondered what to do. (there it is: inspiration strikes.)

should i speak informally? should i hold onto your arm? should i close my eyes for a second? today — my second date

right. choi minhee and the speed in which she spins, getting from point a to point b in no time at all. he remembers how they’d left their first date and immediately went on their second one, wonders if she’s confident or if she’s a fake it ‘til you make it type of girl. he declares it irrelevant while he’s copying & pasting the lines to the beginning of the page — to him, they symbolize all of her velocity and something like that deserves to come first.

but he can’t spend this whole session thinking about minhee when it isn’t even her song, so he forces himself to regain his wits. a slight change of pace — he thinks about chorong instead, what she’d be like in love. if it’s anything like how she is in her friendships, he imagines that she’d be clumsy with somebody’s heart. that damn attitude of hers, if nothing else; shoes stomping in the gravel of love, demanding independence and then chasing a shadow. 

it isn’t funny. even less so when he thinks about that day that she’d been so curt with him, back turned and stone-cold in her family’s home, and yet she’d relented in the end. hadn’t let him leave without making that ramen for him — the good kind, she’d promised. before he knows it, he’s laughing under his breath, endeared. he tells his company that this is just shaping up to be a funny song when he asks what the laughter is about.

truth is, chorong’s a funny person... or maybe he just thinks so because of his own perception of her: a big bark, but no bite to back it up. still, full of layers you’d never expect.

should i be more forward? but what if you get scared and run away? from a to z, it’s all so awkward...

he wonders if she’d ever see herself in these lyrics, but he knows that it’s doubtful. maybe he’ll tell her over lunch someday. you know, i thought of you while writing my second date, he’ll say casually, and she’ll give him that ‘what the fuck, hyeon?’ look that he knows so well.

again, he laughs.

he’s on a roll now — minhee, chorong... might as well make a game of it, huh? this time, he decides to pull dandelion’s youngest into the mix: ahreum. restless hands drum against the table on either side of the keyboard while he recalls a lost youth spent with her. always so different, but she’d stayed by his side just the same. back then, he’d thought of her as a daydream — too good to be true, but a sweet thought to indulge in. 

time flies, but when he thinks of her, he still thinks of childhood and the softer moments that she’d granted him. rather than condescension, there’s something tender in the way he can’t help but see her as her younger self still, youthful & naive. he tries to imagine her in love, but comes up empty-handed — maybe it’s because most of his memories of her remain in a time when love hadn’t become a focal point of life yet. his imagination paints her as clueless. whether it’s his true idea of her or tinted by the underlying theme, he can’t be sure, but he decides to stick with it.

as if i didn’t know, as if it were an accident should i trip & fall, grab your arm? should i wait a little more?

sure. she should wait a little longer — there’s all the time in the world to experience heartache, but for now, she should be happy. he hopes she’s happy.

whatever — side-tracked again, a pen thumped against his shoulder pulls him from his daze. maybe he’s been thinking too much about his friends and not enough about the song: there’s too much empty space, not enough strings tying it all together.

he yawns, stretching his arms above his head until his shoulders crack & then he leans in again to get to work. focused this time, clear-headed.

but then nothing will be different from the first date... it’s still too early to kiss... right? no, you don’t know either, right?

and so the series of not knowing what to do draws to a close. the curtains ought to represent the consequences of hesitation, right? keep it simple to make up for the packed storyline.

i can’t do anything, times keeps slipping away i can’t do anything, time keeps slipping away, baby

a full page of lyrics, an almost-complete instrumental — time slips away indeed, and hyeon avoids looking at the clock while waiting for the producer to answer his call. he doesn’t want to know how long he’s been here, and it doesn’t matter anyway. he can feel every second in his spine, the ache of bad posture souring the thrill of participation.

a xylophone added in to symbolize the whimsicality he finds in ahreum, intermittent clapping & shouting to represent all of minhee’s enthusiasm, unsteady humming to reflect the uncertainty of han chorong,

dips & stutters added in to the beat on behalf of every young person who’s ever felt somewhat in love and entirely out of their depths.

“i think we’re done here, hyeon.” “yeah, i think so, too.”

[wshyeon]

wsmini:

( ... )

 It only took the mention of food for the same stupid grin to stretch across her lips again. “Ah, I do love a good snack. But I already look ten pounds heavier on the camera as is.” She lets out a defeated sigh before abruptly reaching over to cling onto your arm. “Promise that you’ll eat a really tasty snack for me, okay?”

“there’s nothing mysterious about it. it’s muscle memory.” a month ago, there would’ve been a little more irritation in his tone—some kind of exhausted anger, always aimed unfairly at the people who least deserve it. but too much time spent with minhee has made him go soft on her, he fears. hands in his pockets, head down, the sentence comes across as nothing more than a bored explanation. as well-intentioned as someone like hyeon can be. “you weren’t born knowing how to walk. you had to learn, right? it’s like riding a bike. once you know how, it comes without thinking.”

a ridiculous thing to have to explain, huh? he snickers to himself, but not at her. at himself for even bothering to try when he knows that she’s smarter than she lets on, always trying just to spite himself. condescending at first, but condescension falls short when the target refuses to see malice. nowadays, there’s a nauseating obligation settled in his chest that pushes him to look after her. (to want to, at least. he’s not very good at it, never will be.)

the mention of her dorm draws a curious, calculating look from him. wondering just how sly she is. if she were anyone else, he might even smirk—but, like always, those big eyes seem full of nothing but friendliness. always leaving him wondering what it is that she wants from him, what it is that she thinks they’re doing here. “that sounds nice,” he agrees casually, glossing over the mention of her weight. another thing that he’ll never be good at: treading lightly on delicate ground.

“does your dorm have groceries? i could cook something for you.” he breaks into a grin, goofy & well-meaning. “you’d probably never guess it, but i’m a really good cook, you know—i won’t make anything that’ll make you feel bloated, and it’ll be something rich in nutrients. but if you don’t want to take the risk, we can go somewhere else? i’ll treat you this time, as long as you promise to eat a lot.” he leans to the side and slightly down, angling his shoulder to knock it against hers. “you need to feel strong and nourished to do your best on that show, you know.”

[wshyeon]

“Don’t tell [name] about this, okay?”

two years spent living in a dorm full of people, and yet hyeon still hasn’t outgrown his stubborn inclination to be a loner—he & minho are ‘hosting’ a movie night in the living room, and hyeon had been sure to tell the other members to stay out of it. chin raised, chest puffed, sneering like the older brother from a coming-of-age movie. maybe he would’ve been a little bit nicer if he’d known that it would come to this.

“why on earth would i tell him?” he asks, voice coming out as an aggressive whisper. in front of him and minho, knocked from the arm of the couch to the floor, is subin’s jacket. soaked through in coca-cola, which wouldn’t be an issue in itself if the weather hadn’t started getting cooler, but of course the nights are getting chilly and hyeon’s absolutely certain that subin will come looking for this very jacket soon enough. tonight, maybe. tomorrow morning at the latest. in his mind, both he and minho hold equal parts of the blame, but it’s really probably his fault. he’d reached across the couch to jab minho’s side, but a split-second dodge had caused him to knock a lid-less drink from the side table onto the floor. figures. that’s just his luck.

he sighs, wild grin of two minutes ago long lost amidst reality now. his knees crack as he stands up, looking at the mess on the floor. aside from the jacket, there’s the coca-cola itself, pooling on the old tile and soaking into the side of an area rug. god forbid it stains, and then they’ll have other things to worry about, too. another sigh.

“you know where the mop is? i’ve never used it, so i wouldn’t know.”