“on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it to send a picture of your dick before the first date? some girls dig it and others don’t and sometimes it’s really hard to tell but i don’t wanna be that guy.”
“ ... you are the reason we need a new plague. ”

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@wtfcayse-blog
“on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it to send a picture of your dick before the first date? some girls dig it and others don’t and sometimes it’s really hard to tell but i don’t wanna be that guy.”
“ ... you are the reason we need a new plague. ”
“i couldn’t agree more. plus, about half of them are now curable so i don’t understand why people lose their shit over it.”
“ especially when you figure everyone either has had it happen before or knows someone who has. besides, there’s way more fun things to criticize about people that aren’t so lazy. ”
“what’s that wood that effie goes on and on about in the hunger games? —–mahogany.”
“ wrong. the answer is dark cherry. but I can work with that, you sack of vanilla extract. ”
new message from ollie
ollie: how did you know?
cayse: I have villain's intuition tbh
@jaxsohard: @spacecayse hmm. I like that comment. you a bad bitch. I like you lol.
@spacecayse: @jaxsohard can't say I blame you.
@jaxsohard: @spacecayse lol who are you? seriously nothing fuck boyish about that. get that stick out your ass honey.
@spacecayse: @jaxsohard you may address me as Death. and I call them like I see them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“i always feel enraged whenever someone says that they don’t trust chipotle anymore. so what they had a couple of cases of salmonella? that’s like saying you’d never trust someone who has had gonorrhea before. rude and uncalled for.”
“ i always say we give std’s too much of a bad rep. other than the stinging, they’re really not that big of a deal. ”
“you’d think coach would chill out on us every once in awhile. finish a couple trainings early so we can rest. no. he kicked our asses today and i feel like i’m going to die. i’m leaving you in charge of my funeral.”
“ ...okay. what kind of wood do you want your coffin to be? “
@jaxsohard: life goal: smoke a bowl while watching Viceland or Logo and on a big ass couch with the pit crew from ru paul's and some victoria secret models.
@spacecayse: @jaxsohard I literally didn't understand a word of that. delete, fuckboy
new message from ollie
ollie: paradise lost is opening for....
ollie: guess who we are opening for...
ollie: guess WHICH BAND I AM OPENING FOR?
cayse: unless it's for Satan I really don't care???
“Close, but not Heidi Klum. Did you by chance used to hang out in The Hamptons awhile back?”
“ the hamptons? hell no. funny joke, though ”
❝ what is this ?? a pathetic version of the fault in our star ?? the asshole almost went “it’s a metaphor, see ??”. i can’t stand people like him, really. they all make me sick. ❞
“ oh gross. referencing john green novels is so much worse than fake cancer. ick. ”
“I didn’t grow up like that either, maybe you should check yourself before assuming shit man. that’s not cool.”
“ oh no, there goes my cool reputation i worked so hard to preserve! -- really, though. in a place like this, it’s guilty until proven innocent as far as i’m concerned. sorry if you get caught in the crosshairs, but that’s life. ”
“you think that’s the first time i’ve been threatened to be stabbed, oh no get in line, penelope wilhern.”
“ listen, shitface. unlike you and everyone else who has probably threatened you, i didn’t grow up in Fancypants Palace with a team of nannies waking up every day to wipe my ass for me. I know my shit, and I will fuck you up. alright? good talk. ”
“No, not con artist… but you do look quite familiar, I’ll give you that.”
“ i get that a lot. i probably just remind you of heidi klum. ”