i like to write poems and short stories and such. most of what i write is raw, unplanned and unorganized. i wanted to start posting some of my poems and things here to hopefully be able to share them and to hear the thoughts of anyone who reads them. i am open to criticism always, and especially open to compliments. :)
writer's note: i don't know what my obsession is with writing about obsession, but it is so fun :) even if i can't relate to it much because i don't feel i have ever been so obsessed with any one or thing, but i do like writing about feelings as if i could understand them, and i love the expression of metaphors. one of the most popular, at least in my circle of freaks and weirdos, being cannibalism as a form of love. it would be a twisted love, though, and i see it less as genuine love and much more like infatuation and obsession and dependency. i like to see the eater as someone who is dependent, needy, and clingy, despite how they may feign power and control. the fallacy that outsiders and the eaten believe is that the eater does, in fact, have the power and control, not knowing that they, the eaten, have just as much, if not more, over the eater.
the eater needs to consume the eaten. they feel the need to take and take and use and feed on the energy and attention of the eaten in order to nourish themselves and their ego. and if the eater takes and consumes enough of that energy, the eaten will never be able to get it back. the more they hurt their object of desire, the less the object will be able to forget about them. the admiration of their object leads them to feel the need to attach and never let go.
cannibalism as a form of love is a popular metaphor, at least within my circle of freaks and weirdos. as one of them, i have a fascination with murderers and the mentally unsound, and cannibals fall under the umbrella of my interest. from what i've seen and read about cannibals, it is not uncommon for them to think and say that they love their victims, and that killing them is a mercy, and eating them is an affection. they like the feel their loved one inside of their body, flowing through their veins, letting their blood merge. to them, consuming another human being is a bond and connection more permanent and physical than marriage. to feed on someone is to take the energy and nutrients of their body and use it to feed your own, and i like to compare that to a less physical and literal way of draining someone of their strength and energy, by draining them emotionally.
to eat a part of their body would mean they could never get it back, and part of them would be yours forever, and some cannibals find comfort in knowing the souls of those they eat will have no choice but to remember them forever. and often the eater feels that, since part of the eaten's body is within theirs, that their souls are forever connected as much as their bodies are.
to them, it is a form of romance. a twisted, gruesome, selfish form of romance. not all cannibals feel this way, of course, but some do. like Riz from Beastars lol.
but i do think it is more of a need for control and containment than genuine love. i mean, how can you intentionally hurt and stunt the growth of someone you truly love? but i think it is more impactful a metaphor for it to be about an obsession falsely illusioned as love.
it is the need to control the very life and being of another, the need to attach them to themselves forever, to hold them in the cell of their own body, to never let them connect with another again. it is a feeling of power to kill someone, and even more so to do with the body whatever they desire, knowing they cannot fight or disagree. it's not love. they may feel love, but this is not a loving way to show it. but it is a way that is fun to write about. :)
notes: i originally wrote this about a year ago and i just found it again and changed it up a little. i wrote it about the boyfriend i had at the time and how i felt his presence energize me in a way. he was sweet and warm and comforting like the gentle rays of the sun. summer at its best, when it wasn't scalding and hard to bear. he was bright without being blinding. he wasn't perfect, but i loved him anyway. i found out he passed recently and i hope he's resting well. he's with the sun now. the same sun he used to remind me of.
