Hadnāt seen my boyfriend in about a week & the last time we talked on the phone we laughed for an hour straight and then we see each other in person and we argued for an hour straight
Shit sucks
i don't do bad sauce passes
I'd rather be in outer space šø
we're not kids anymore.

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@wytchi
Hadnāt seen my boyfriend in about a week & the last time we talked on the phone we laughed for an hour straight and then we see each other in person and we argued for an hour straight
Shit sucks
I tried venting on Twitter and some nsfw thick dick profile retweeted and said he was down to listen
Humanity is so funny
and it will be better š§æš§æš§æš§æš§æ
Iāve literally never met a man interested in making his alignment by my side feel secure or even sustainable for me, & Iām gonna make that a me problem so that I can fix it.
On valentines while my man was telling me sweet nothings I had the audacity to say āwhy do you care about valentines now youāve never cared beforeā
& he was genuinely flabbergasted and asked why I said that and I came out of my subconscious into my conscious and remembered this man wrote me a sweet ass card and got me a whole expensive bouquet and made sure my pleasure was his focus last year and that *actually* I didnāt have any reason to say that to him because I was talking about my ex!!
My bitch ass ex that literally rotted my brain in all the ways he didnāt give a shit and never would and I apologized immediately because yikes bitch wtf
& this is why that man will stay blocked forever because how dare you call me 2 years after everything and try to rekindle some shit when every part of our dynamic was damaging and I donāt ever want to go back to that mentality
He really called me in December twice with no text, got blocked and exorcised by my reiki lady, then called Again this year from an unknown number and I picked up because i thought it was my man calling from his coworkers number when his phone died
Talking to me about āI hope Iām not triggering you, you were a good woman, I know I abused you, I donāt know if youāre in a relationship but can we be friends, I dream about you all the time and my mom said to call youā ick, ew, vomit, taking advice from a succubus, looking for validation of your conscience from me after all this time. Same old phrases after all this time. Same emotional abuse after all this time.
Stop trying to make our existences coincide that generational curse is being actively broken.
I never want my instinct to Ever be to respond to someone that cares for me from the hopeless, resentful, disgusting mental perspective you instilled in me.
Like I literally have good intentional love in my life.
No more of what you fostered will prosper here.
Goodbye.
I really be trying not to fixate on shit but the way that my grandmama is literally my biggest hater is so offputting bro
Doing karaoke with my aunt and she come out of nowhere and say to her ābri got nothing on you babyā, when weāre, doing a duet?
Then once Iām done singing a song I got bullied into doing she gon say ādonāt quit your day jobā and cackle loud as hell in my ear, side hugging me so she can slap the fuck out my back
& itās crazy because I always think to myself that the older she gets the less important it is to try and resolve the communication issues we have and discuss with her the ways sheās affected our entire family dynamic, like really heal trauma for our lineage that nobody wants to discuss, because I want to focus on having good moments with her
but then no matter her age she always got something to say or do to me to get under my skin
weirdest shit Iāve had to deal with my whole life
Iām tired of having emotionally damaging moments during my PMS window and feeling insane knowing that no, youāre an inconsiderate asshole & thatās why Iām upset, not because my tits are sore and my body is disappointed that I havenāt populated the earth yet
So many times that I wish I could have just left in the past conditioning me in the present and I hate it honestly I really do
Like why tf didnāt I leave him and his mom in Florida after calling me a snow bunny in front of his entire family? & why does that come up for me now when Iām trying to keep a level head during a minute misunderstanding
Because back then he said to stop making a problem during his family trip because they never get together and this means too much to him & now, Iām fending for myself when I feel misunderstood and itās all exaggerated from what wasnāt resolved years ago
I donāt know when Iām in the right or wrong anymore because I just took being gaslit for years
This shit sucks
I knew my truth then & should have owned it
From āI Love Shoppingā by Lauren Cook
āThe dynamic of friendship is almost always underestimated as a constant force in human life [ā¦], but no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.ā
ā David Whyte, Consolations (via exhaled-spirals)
nha falaā | dir. flora gomes (2002)
I want so badly to craft my life, tile by tile
Idk why I thought I would be able to watch The Wind Rises while drawing, hands too busy wiping my eyes
I think the gayest thing about me is that drawing pretty women is the only thing that consistently brings me out of my creative slump
Been hit pretty hard since my favorite sketchbook and the bag that held it got stolen
Send thots n prayers pls
Anybody else watch materialists and feel attacked?
Just me? Ok