The X-Files Dictionary

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Friend

(Noun)

1. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

2. A partner, constant, touchstone, lover, one in five billion, parent of one’s child, and possibly spouse.

See also: Platonic

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ATTHS

(Noun, Initialism)

1. “And then they had sex,” a common trope in The X-Files fan fiction, referring to the point at which Mulder and Scully’s relationship ceases to be platonic.

2. What actually happened starting in season 7 (at least).

3. Chris Carter’s worst fear.

See also: MSR, Shippers, Tumblr

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Fan Fiction

(Noun)

1. Fiction written by a fan of, and featuring characters from, a particular TV series, movie, etc.

2. The reason The X-Files fandom still exists.

See also: ATTHS, X-Phile

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Depression

(Noun)

1. A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.

2. A mental condition that precludes the continuation of a long-term relationship but does not in any way preclude employment in the FBI.

See also: Continuity, Show Bible

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Closure

(Noun)

1. A sense of resolution at the end of a work or following an emotional experience.

2. The eleventh episode of Season 7 of The X-Files.

3. What no character in The X-Files is allowed to experience.

4. What no viewer of The X-Files is allowed to experience.

See also: Ratings, Revival

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Selective Memory

(Noun)

1.  A type of amnesia in which a person loses certain parts of his/her memory.

2. What any viewer of The X-Files must have in order to enjoy the series.

See also: Continuity, Folie à Deux, Show Bible

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Respectful

(Adjective)

1. Full of, characterized by, or showing politeness, deference, or admiration.

2. Never showing any attraction whatsoever to one’s lover, partner, or spouse.

See also: Brainwashing

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Wifegate

(Noun)

1. The fan theory claiming Mulder and Scully are married in Season 10 of The X-Files, based on comments made by David Duchovny at New York Comic Con 2015.

2. The only source of joy for shippers in the months leading up to the revival.

See also: Folie à Deux, Hope, MSR, Shippers

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Bee

(Noun)

1. A flying insect closely related to wasps and ants, known for its role in pollination.

2. Animal most hated by X-Philes.

See also: Shippers, Suffering

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Petulant

(Adjective)

1. Childishly sulky or bad-tempered.

2. Wanting to see the protagonists of a television show spend more than 10 seconds together.

See also: Hypocrisy

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Mulligan

(Noun)

1. A stew made from odds and ends of food.

2. (In informal golf) an extra stroke allowed after a poor shot, not counted on the scorecard.

3. Something people who don’t understand Chris Carter’s genius should take.

See also: Narcissism

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Sadist

(Noun)

1. Someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others.

2. Chris Carter.

See also: Masochist, Pain, Suffering

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Masochist

(Noun)

1. A person who is gratified by pain, degradation, etc., whether self-imposed or imposed by others.

2. A viewer of The X-Files.

See also: Pain, Sadist, Shippers, Suffering, X-Phile

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Ratings

(Noun)

1. (Of television) the number of households with TV sets tuned to a particular program.

2. What will ensure Chris Carter tortures the characters and viewers of The X-Files for yet another season.

See also: Folie à Deux

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Noromos

(Noun)

1. X-Files fans who want Mulder and Scully to remain in a platonic relationship.

2. X-Files fans for whom the X-Files Revival was written.

See also: Gaslighting, Platonic

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Internet

(Noun)

1. The global system of interconnected computer networks that link billions of devices worldwide.

2. Something that is not good for you.

See also: Happiness, Tumblr

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Tumblr

(Noun)

1. A microblogging platform and social networking website.

2. A support group for shippers.

See also: Folie à Deux