Hello, hi! This is sort of an update, yes, and possibly something which I'd rather do more personally, thus me utilizing Sehun's account to upload this. This is a really difficult update for me to make--it's not even an update, but I don't know what to call it exactly. A confession, maybe, and a request for opinions.
I'm writing this mainly because like what I've always said, SAB is nothing without its members, and so I'm here to ask for your opinions instead of making my own decision regarding the place.
This issue has been going on for a while, actually, and I've talked to several people regarding this. Running this roleplay as of late has been stressful for me, and it's been something which I no longer enjoy. There are numerous reasons to it, and I will delve into them as I go. My point of posting this is the fact that I've been ruminating over closing the roleplay for good, maybe only for now, maybe indefinitely. But this, again, is something which I've been trying not to do as I love this place dearly; it's my brainchild and I love its concept, its members, and my muses.
The main reason which makes me think of this decision is the fact that despite the presence of people who I know are still interested in this roleplay (and for that, thank you very much, I really appreciate it), most of the interests have been dying out, and I've pointed it out around two weeks ago with the admin notes posted on the main blog. Lately people have constantly gone inactive, a lot of them reopened, and I feel tedious having to upload profiles only to delete them again around two weeks later. These have been going on for a while, and as much as I'd like to continue with the mundane routine given that I knew from the start that it would be like this, it would be difficult without the support from the members.
The support which I'm talking about here comes from various ways. Liking an admin post could mean a world to me, really--it might be really petty, just a trivial gesture done by clicking a button, and some might think that it's really insignificant. But for me, it does show that you care, that you read posts, that you anticipate reservations, that you welcome the newest members by liking their profiles. Liking a self-para would also make someone feel welcome, liking a post for plotting request would make them feel accepted.
Support can also come from simply greeting people--it's written in the rules, and a simple "Welcome to the rp!" wouldn't take you more than 20 seconds to write and send, but not everyone does it, still. And what saddens me more is the fact that some newer people don't get plots, even when they have asked for it by posting an OOC post. I personally have tried to take up more characters so that I'm able to plot with more people, but unfortunately as I've been slow with replies lately I haven't been able to do so, and I'm terribly sorry. Still, I feel that this attempt to make new members feel welcome and get more plots isn't something which I can do alone. I'm only a member, and we have at least 40 in total.
Reaching this part about the number of members, this unfortunately reflects the fact that the dash isn't moving the way it is with the number of people that it has. It's definitely not inactive--some people still post frequently, and I'm extremely grateful for that. I'm aware that real life comes first, but while it does come first, joining a roleplay is something which you have chosen to do, and therefore should've come with an understanding that you need to balance it out with your real life business. While I'm trying to understand that some people cannot post frequently and have to go on continuous hiatus, it's unfortunately detrimental to the roleplay's activity, and subsequently makes the newer (and even older) members leave due to the place not being as active as it should (or as expected, considering the number of characters we have). It's not enough to simply be interested in the roleplay and your muse, but not show the effort to write and keep posting to keep the place alive.
As you probably have seen, I've tried adding people to the team in hopes to improve my muse about the place, and I'm really thankful for their help. But still, my muse for this place hasn't been picking up. I frankly don't feel enough support although I know some people are still supporting me (thank you, thank you so much) and I might be a bad admin due to me being too demanding and not being able to persevere through this. I've been developing ideas to improve this place and it's going to be a lot of work, but I really don't want to try harder and see it become futile the way it is with a lot of past endeavors that I've done.
I'm genuinely sorry for feeling like this. This is me coming clean, and it's something which I've been thinking of for nearly a month. I was expecting a longer running time from SAB, for sure, and I love this idea to bits. I gave it my all. I love the people I've met here, and I really love my muses. Letting Sehun go would probably be my second time of letting go of such a muse I'm attached to, and it's going to be really difficult. And it would be harder to let SAB go with all the ideas and work I've placed into it. And it's really, really hard to let it go as well when I know some people are still invested in it, yet running the place has become such a burden that it's been really stressful for me, especially seeing that the activity isn't picking up and people keep leaving.
I cannot blame you or anyone in this matter. Things happen, and things are bound to come to an end, sooner or later. This might not be really clear or eloquent and I apologize. I just want to come clean with you all, and would really love to hear what you have in mind regarding the place. What I'm trying to say is that, if I was to keep this going, I cannot do it without the help and support from all of you. Again, SAB is nothing without its members and their support. Thank you for reading this, and any input, comment, and suggestion are very appreciated.